FORD -EDI 


Ex  Libris 
C.  K.  OGDEN 


DIEDRICH   KNICKERBOCKER. 


FROM  THE 


BEGINNING  OF  THE  WORLD  TO  THE  END 
OF  THE  DUTCH  DYNASTY 


CONTAINING,    AMONG    MANY    SURPRISING    AND    CURIOUS    MATTERS,    THE    UNUTTERABLE 

PONDERINGS  OP   WALTER  THE   DOUBTER,    THE   DISASTROUS  PROJECTS   OP 

WILLIAM    THE  TESTY,   AND   THE   CHIVALRIC   ACHIEVEMENTS   OF 

PETER  THE   HEADSTRONG  ;     THE    THREE    DUTCH 

GOVERNORS   OP  NEW   AMSTERDAM 

BEING  THE 

ONLY  AUTHENTIC  HISTORY  OF  THE  TIMES  THAT  EVER  HATH 
BEEN  OR  EVER  WILL  BE  PUBLISHED 

BY 

DIEDRICH    KNICKERBOCKER 

£>e  waarljetb  tie  in  buteter  lag, 
£>ie  fomt  met  flaarfyeib  aan  ben  bag 

THE  AUTHOR'S  REVISED  EDITION 

COMPLETE  IN  ONE  VOLUME 


NEW  YORK 

G.    P.    PUTNAM'S    SONS 


COPTRISHT. 

1880, 
BY  G.  P.  PUTNAM  8  SONS. 


Stack 
Annex 


PAGE 

WASHINGTON  IRVING,  BY  CHARLES  DUDLEY  WARNER i 

ORIGINAL  ADVERTISEMENTS Ixxxiii 

THE  AUTHOR'S  APOLOGY 1 

ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR 7 

ADDRESS  TO  THE  PUBLIC 21 

BOOK  I. 

CONTAINING  DIVER3  INGENIOUS  THEORIES  AND  PHILOSOPHIC  SPECULATIONS,  CONCERN- 
ING THE  CREATION  AND  POPULATION  OP  THE  WORLD,  A9  CONNECTED  WITH  THE 
HISTORY  OP  NEW  YORK. 

CHAP.  I. — Description  of  the  World 29 

CHAP.  II.— Cosmogony,  or  Creation  of  the  World  ;  with  a  multitude 
of  excellent  theories,  by  which  the  creation  of  a  world  is  shown  to 
be  no  such  difficult  matter  as  common  folk  would  imagine 38 

CHAP.  III. — How  that  famous  navigator,  Noah,  was  shamefully  nick- 
named ;  and  how  he  committed  an  unpardonable  oversight  in  not 
having  four  sons — With  the  great  trouble  of  philosophers  caused 
thereby,  and  the  discovery  of  America , 49 

CHAP.  IV. — Showing  the  great  difficulty  philosophers  have  had  in 
peopling  America— and  how  the  Aborigines  came  to  be  begotten 
by  accident — to  the  great  relief  and  satisfaction  of  the  Author. . .  57 

CHAP.  V. — In  which  the  Author  puts  a  mighty  question  to  the  rout, 
by  the  assistance  of  the  Man  in  the  Moon — which  not  only  de- 
livers thousands  of  people  from  great  embarrassment,  but  like- 
wise concludes  this  introductory  book , , , 65 


BOOK  II. 

TREATING  OP  THE  FIRST  SETTLEMENT  OP  THE  PROVINCE  OP  NIEUW-NEDERLANDTS. 

CHAP.  I. — In  which  are  contained  divers  reasons  why  a  man  should 
not  write  in  a  hurry — Also  of  Master  Hendrick  Hudson,  his  dis- 

Ixxv 


jxxvi  CONTENTS. 

PAGK 

covery  of  a  strange  country — and  how  he  was  magnificently  re- 
warded by  the  munificence  of  their  High  Mightinesses 85 

CHAP.  II.— Containing  an  account  of  a  mighty  Ark  which  floated, 
under  the  protection  of  St.  Nicholas,  from  Holland  to  Gibbet 
Island — the  descent  of  the  strange  Animals  therefrom — a  great 
victory,  and  a  description  of  the  ancient  village  of  Communipaw.  98 

CHAP.  III. — In  which  is  set  forth  the  true  art  of  making  a  bargain — 
together  with  the  miraculous  escape  of  a  great  Metropolis  in  a 
fog — and  the  biography  of  certain  heroes  of  Communipaw 106 

CHAP.  IV. — How  the  heroes  of  Communipaw  voyaged  to  Hell-gate, 
and  how  they  were  received  there 115 

CHAP.  V. — How  the  heroes  of  Communipaw  returned  somewhat  wiser 
than  they  went — and  how  the  sage  Oloffe  dreamed  a  dream — and 
the  dream  that  he  dreamed 138 

CHAP.  VI.— Containing  an  attempt  at  etymology — and  of  the  found- 
ing of  the  great  city  of  New  Amsterdam 134 

CHAP.  VII. — How  the  people  of  Pavonia  migrated  from  Communi- 
paw to  the  island  of  Manna-hata — and  how  Oloffe  the  Dreamer 
proved  himself  a  great  land-speculator 137 

CHAP.  VIII. — Of  the  founding  and  naming  of  the  new  city — of  the 
City  Arms  ;  and  of  the  direful  feud  between  Ten  Breeches  and 
Tough  Breeches 141 

CHAP.  IX. — How  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  waxed  great  under  the 
protection  of  St.  Nicholas  and  the  absence  of  laws  and  statutes — 
how  Oloffe  the  Dreamer  begun  to  dream  of  an  extension  of  Em- 
pire, and  of  the  effect  of  his  dreams 148 


BOOK  III. 

IN  VOUCH  IS  RECORDED  THE  GOLDEX  REIGX  OP  WOUTER  VAN  TWIX.LEK. 

CHAP.  I.— Of  the  renowned  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  his  unparalleled  vir- 
tues—as likewise  his  unutterable  wisdom  in  the  law-case  of  Wan- 
die  Schoonhoven  and  Barent  Bleecker— and  the  great  admiration 
of  the  public  thereat 156 

CHAP.  II.— Containing  some  account  of  the  grand  council  of  New 
Amsterdam,  as  also  divers  especial  good  philosophical  reasons 
why  an  Alderman  should  be  fat— with  other  particulars  touching 
the  state  of  the  province 167 


CONTENTS. 


PAGE 

CHAP.  III.  —  How  the  town  of  New  Amsterdam  arose  out  of  mud,  and    ..--... 
came  to  be  marvellously  polished  and  polite  —  together  with  a  pic- 
ture of  the  manners  of  our  great-great-grandfathers  ............  179 

CHAP.  IV.  —  Containing  farther  particulars  of  the  Golden  Age,  and 
what  constituted  a  fine  Lady  and  Gentleman  in  the  days  of  Wal- 
ter the  Doubter  .............................................  188 

CHAP.  V.  —  Of  the  founding  of  Fort  Aurania  —  Of  the  mysteries  of  the 
Hudson  —  Of  the  arrival  of  the  Patroon  Killian  Van  Rensellaer  ; 
his  lordly  descent  upon  the  earth,  and  his  introduction  of  club- 
law  ..........................  ..............................  195 

CHAP.  VI.  —  In  which  the  reader  is  beguiled  into  a  delectable  walk,     _::  . 
which  ends  very  differently  from  what  it  commenced  ............  199 

CHAP.  VII.  —  Faithfully  describing  the  ingenious  people  of  Connecti-     .....  . 

cut  and  thereabouts  —  showing,  moreover,  the  true  meaning  of 
liberty  of  conscience,  and  a  curious  device  among  these  sturdy 
barbarians,  to  keep  up  a  harmony  of  intercourse,  and  promote 
population  .................................................  205 

CHAP.  VIII.  —  How  these  singular  barbarians  turned  out  to  be  noto- 
rious squatters.  How  they  built  air-castles,  and  attempted  to 
initiate  the  Nederlanders  in  the  mystery  of  bundling  ...........  212 

CHAP.  IX.  —  How  the  Fort  Goed  Hoop  was  fearfully  beleaguered  —  how 
the  renowned  Wouter  fell  into  a  profound  doubt,  and  how  he 
finally  evaporated  ...........................................  219 


BOOK  IV. 

CONTAINING   THE  CHRONICLES   OP   THB  KEIGN   OF  WILLIAM   THE  TESTT. 

CHAP.  I. — Showing  the  nature  of  history  in  general ; — containing  fur- 
thermore the  universal  acquirements  of  William  the  Testy,  and 
how  a  man  may  learn  so  much  as  to  render  himself  good  for 
nothing 227 

CHAP.  II. — How  William  the  Testy  undertook  to  conquer  by  procla- 
mation— how  he  was  a  great  man  abroad,  but  a  little  man  in  his 
own  house 234 

CHAP.  III. — In  which  are  recorded  the  sage  projects  of  a  ruler  of  uni- 
versal genius — The  art  of  fighting  by  proclamation — and  how 
that  the  valiant  Jacobus  Van  Curie t  came  to  be  foully  dishon- 
ored at  Fort  Goed  Hoop 289 


lxxviii  CONTENTS. 

PAGE 

CHAP.  IV.— Containing  the  fearful  wrath  of  William  the  Testy,  and 
the  alarm  of  New  Amsterdam— how  the  Governor  did  strongly 
fortify  the  City — Of  Antony  the  Trumpeter,  and  the  windy  ad- 
dition to  the  armorial  bearings  of  New  Amsterdam 245 

CHAP.  V. — Of  the  jurisprudence  of  William  the  Testy,  and  his  admi- 
rable expedients  for  the  suppression  of  poverty 251 

CHAP.  VI.— Projects  of  William  the  Testy  for  increasing  the  cur- 
rency—he is  outwitted  by  the  Yankees— The  great  Oyster  War. .  257 

CHAP.  VII. — Growing  discontents  of  New  Amsterdam  under  the  gov- 
ernment of  William  the  Testy 263 

CHAP.  VIII.— The  edict  of  William  the  Testy  against  Tobacco — Of 
the  Pipe  Plot,  and  the  rise  of  Feuds  and  Parties 266 

CHAP.  IX. — Of  the  folly  of  being  happy  in  the  time  of  prosperity — Of 
troubles  to  the  South  brought  on  by  annexation — Of  the  secret  ex- 
pedition of  Jansen  Alpendam,  and  his  magnificent  reward 272 

CHAP.  X. — Troublous  times  on  the  Hudson — How  Killian  Van  Ren- 
sellaer  erected  a  feudal  castle,  and  how  he  introduced  club-law 
into  the  province 277 

CHAP.  XI. — Of  the  diplomatic  mission  of  Antony  the  Trumpeter  to 
the  Fortress  of  Rensellaerstein — and  how  he  was  puzzled  by  a 
cabalistic  reply 281 

CHAP.  XII. — Containing  the  rise  of  the  great  Amphictyonic  Council 
of  the  Pilgrims,  with  the  decline  and  final  extinction  of  William 
the  Testy  .,,, 286 


BOOK  V. 

CONTAINING  THE  FIRST  PART  OP  THE  REIGN  OP  PETER  STUTVE9ANT,  AND  HIS 
TROUBLES  WITH  THE  AMPBICTYONICT  COUNCIL. 

CHAP.  I. — In  which  the  death  of  a  great  man  is  shown  to  be  no  very 
inconsolable  matter  of  sorrow — and  how  Peter  Stuyvesant  ac- 
quired a  great  name  from  the  uncommon  strength  of  his  head. . .  293 

CHAP.  II.— Showing  ho^  Peter  the  Headstrong  bestirred  himself 
among  the  rats  and  cobwebs  on  entering  into  office  ;  his  inter- 
view with  Antony  the  Trumpeter,  and  his  perilous  meddling  with 
the  currency 393 

CHAP.  III.— How  the  Yankee  League  waxed  more  and  more  potent ; 
and  how  it  outwitted  the  good  Peter  in  treaty-making 307 


CONTENTS. 


CHAP.  IV. — Containing  divers  speculations — showing  that  a  treaty  of 
peace  is  a  great  national  evil 314 

CHAP.  V. — How  Peter  Stuyvesant  was  grievously  belied  by  the  great 
council  of  the  League  ;  and  how  he  sent  Antony  the  Trumpeter 
to  take  to  the  council  a  piece  of  his  mind 323 

CHAP.  VI. — How  Peter  Stuyvesant  demanded  a  court  of  honor — and 
what  the  court  of  honor  awarded  to  him 329 

CHAP.  VII. — How  "  Drum  Ecclesiastic  "  was  beaten  throughout  Con- 
necticut for  a  crusade  against  the  New  Netherlands,  and  how 
Peter  Stuyvesant  took  measures  to  fortify  his  Capital 333 

CHAP.  VIII. — How  the  Yankee  crusade  against  the  New  Netherlands 
was  baffled  by  the  sudden  outbreak  of  witchcraft  among  the  peo- 
ple of  the  East 339 

CHAP.  IX. — Which  records  the  rise  and  renown  of  a  Military  Com- 
mander, showing  that  a  man,  like  a  bladder,  may  be  puffed  up 
to  greatness  by  mere  wind  ;  together  with  the  catastrophe  of  a 
veteran  and  his  queue 345 

BOOK  VI. 

CONTAINING  THE  SECOND  PART  OP  THE  REIGN  OP  PETER    THE    HEADSTRONG,  AND  HIS 
GALLANT  ACHIEVEMENTS   ON  THE   DELAWARE. 

CHAP.  I. — In  which  is  exhibited  a  warlike  Portrait  of  the  Great 
Peter — of  the  windy  contest  of  General  Van  Poffenburgh  and 
General  Printz,  and  of  the  Mosquito  War  on  the  Delaware 355 

CHAP.  II. — Of  Jan  Risingh,  his  giantly  person  and  crafty  deeds  ;  and 
of  the  Catastrophe  at  Port  Casimir 363 

CHAP.  III. — Showing  how  profound  secrets  are  often  brought  to 
light ;  with  the  proceedings  of  Peter  the  Headstrong  when  he 
heard  of  the  misfortunes  of  General  Van  Poffenburgh 371 

CHAP.  IV. — Containing  Peter  Stuyvesant's  Voyage  up  the  Hudson, 

and  the  wonders  and  delights  of  that  renowned  river 380 

CHAP.  V. — Describing  the  powerful  Army  that  assembled  at  the  city 
of  New  Amsterdam — together  with  the  interview  between  Peter 
the  Headstrong  and  General  Van  Poffenburgh,  and  Peter's  senti- 
ments touching  unfortunate  great  men 389 

CHAP.  VI. — In  which  the  Author  discourses  very  ingeniously  of  him- 
self— after  which  is  to  be  found  much  interesting  history  about 
Peter  the  Headstrong  and  his  followers 398 


Ixxx 


CONTENTS. 


CHAP.  VII.— Showing  the  great  advantage  that  the  Author  has  over 
his  Reader  in  time  of  Battle — together  with  divers  portentous 
movements ;  which  betoken  that  something  terrible  is  about  to 
happen 409 

CHAP.  VIII. — Containing  the  most  horrible  battle  ever  recorded  in 
poetry  or  prose  ;  with  the  admirable  exploits  of  Peter  the  Head- 
strong    417 

CHAP.  IX.— In  which  the  Author  and  the  Reader,  while  reposing 
after  the  battle,  fall  into  a  very  grave  discourse,  after  which  is 
recorded  the  conduct  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  after  his  victory 430 


BOOK  VII. 

CONTAINING  THE  THIRD  PART  OP  THE  REIGN  OP  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG — HIS  TROU- 
BLES WITH  THE  BRITISH  NATION,  AND  THE  DECLINE  AND  PALL  OP  THE  DUTCH 
DYNASTY. 

CHAP.  I. — How  Peter  Stuyvesant  relieved  the  Sovereign  People  from 
the  burden  of  taking  care  of  the  nation  ;  with  sundry  particulars 
of  his  conduct  in  the  time  of  peace,  and  of  the  rise  of  a  great 
Dutch  aristocracy 441 

CHAP.  II. — How  Peter  Stuyvesant  labored  to  civilize  the  community 
— how  he  was  a  great  promoter  of  holidays — how  he  instituted 
kissing  on  New-Year's  Day — how  he  distributed  fiddles  through- 
out the  New  Netherlands — how  he  ventured  to  reform  the  Ladies' 
petticoats,  and  how  he  caught  a  Tartar 449 

CHAP.  III. — How  troubles  thicken  on  the  province — how  it  is  threat- 
ened by  the  Helderbergers — The  Merrylanders,  and  the  Giants  of 
the  Susquehanna 455 

CHAP.  IV. — How  Peter  Stuyvesant  adventured  into  the  East  Coun- 
try, and  how  he  fared  there 459 

CHAP.  V.— How  the  Yankees  secretly  sought  the  aid  of  the  British 
Cabinet  in  their  hostile  schemes  against  the  Manhattoes 467 

CHAP.  VI.— Of  Peter  Stuyvesant's  expedition  into  the  East  Country, 
showing  that,  though  an  old  bird,  he  did  not  understand  trap. . .  470 

CHAP.  VII. — How  the  people  of  New  Amsterdam  were  thrown  into  a 
great  panic,  by  the  news  of  the  threatened  invasion  ;  and  the 
manner  in  which  they  fortified  themselves. . .  .  476 


CONTENTS. 

PAGE 

CHAP.  VIII. — How  the  Grand  Council  of  the  New  Netherlands  were 
miraculously  gifted  with  long  tongues  in  the  moment  of  emer- 
gency— showing  the  value  of  words  in  warfare 481 

CHAP.  IX. — In  which  the  troubles  of  New  Amsterdam  appear  to 
thicken — showing  the  bravery  in  time  of  peril,  of  a  people  who 
defend  themselves  by  resolutions 48'? 

CHAP.  X. — Containing  a  doleful  disaster  of  Antony  the  Trumpeter — 
and  how  Peter  Stuyvesant  like  a  second  Cromwell,  suddenly  dis- 
solved a  Rump  Parliament 49(5 

CHAP.  XI. — How  Peter  Stuyvesant  defended  the  city  of  New  Am- 
sterdam for  several  days  bv  dint  of  the  strength  of  his  head ....  503 

CHAP.  XII. — Containing  the  lignified  retirement,  and  mortal  surren- 
der of  Peter  the  Headstrong 511 

CHAP.  XIII. — The  Author's  reflections  upon  what  has  been  said 5iy 


NOTICES 

WHICH    APPEARED    IN    THE    NEWSPAPERS    PREVIOUS    TO 
THE  PUBLICATION  OF  THIS  WORK. 


From  the  Evening  Post  of  October  26,  1809. 
DISTRESSING. 

Left  his  lodgings,  some  time  since,  and  has  not  since  been  heard  of,  a 
small  elderly  gentleman,  dressed  in  an  old  black  coat  and  cocked  hat,  by 
the  name  of  Knickerbocker.  As  there  are  some  reasons  for  believing  he 
is  not  entirely  in  his  right  mind,  and  as  great  anxiety  is  entertained  about 
him,  any  information  concerning  him  left  either  at  the  Columbian  Hotel, 
Mulberry  Street,  or  at  the  office  of  this  paper,  will  be  thankfully  received. 

P.  S.  Printers  of  newspapers  would  be  aiding  the  cause  of  humanity 
in  giving  an  insertion  to  the  above. 


From  the  same,  November  G,  1809. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Evening  Post : 

SIE, — Having  read  in  your  paper  of  the  26th  October  last,  a  paragraph 
respecting  an  old  gentleman  by  the  name  of  Knickerbocker,  who  was 
missing  from  his  lodgings  ;  if  it  would  be  any  relief  to  his  friends,  or  fur- 
nish them  with  any  clue  to  discover  where  he  is,  you  may  inform  them 
that  a  person  answering  the  description  given,  was  seen  by  the  passengers 
of  the  Albany  stage,  early  in  the  morning,  about  four  or  five  weeks  since, 
resting  himself  by  the  side  of  the  road,  a  little  above  King's  Bridge.  He 
had  in  his  hand  a  small  bundle,  tied  in  a  red  bandana  handkerchief  ;  he 
appeared  to  be  travelling  northward,  and  was  very  much  fatigued  and 
exhausted. 

A  TRAVELLER. 


From  the  same,  November  16,  1809. 

To  the  Editor  of  the  Evening  Post: 

SIR, — You  have  been  good  enough  to  publish  in  your  paper  a  paragraph 
about  Mr.  Diedrich  Knickerbocker,  who  was  missing  so  strangely  some 

Ixxxv 


Ixxxvi  NOTICES. 

time  since.  Nothing  satisfactory  has  been  heard  of  the  old  gentleman 
since  ;  but  a  very  curious  kind  of  a  written  look  has  been  found  in  his 
room,  in  his  own  handwriting.  Now  I  wish  you  to  notice  him,  if  he  is 
still  alive,  that  if  he  does  not  return  and  pay  off  his  bill  for  boarding  and 
lodging,  I  shall  have  to  dispose  of  his  book  to  satisfy  me  for  the  same. 
I  am,  sir,  your  humble  servant, 

SETH  HAND  ASIDE, 
Landlord  of  the  Independent  Columbian  Hotel,  Mulberry  Street. 


From  tlw  same,  November  28,  1809. 

LITERARY  NOTICE. 
INSKEEP  &  BRADFORD  have  in  press,  and  will  shortly  publish, 

A  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK, 
In  two  volumes,  duodecimo.     Price  Three  Dollars. 

Containing  an  account  of  its  discovery  and  settlement,  with  its  internal 
policies,  manners,  customs,  wars,  &c.,  &c.,  under  the  Dutch  government, 
furnishing  many  curious  and  interesting  particulars  never  before  pub- 
lished, and  which  are  gathered  from  various  manuscript  and  other 
authenticated  sources,  the  whole  being  interspersed  with  philosophical 
speculations  and  moral  precepts. 

This  work  was  found  in  the  chamber  of  Mr.  Diedrich  Knickerbocker, 
the  old  gentleman  whose  sudden  and  mysterious  disappearance  has  been 
noticed.  It  is  published  in  order  to  discharge  certain  debts  he  has  left 
behind. 


From  the  American  Citizen,  December  G,  1809. 

Is  this  day  published 

By  INSKEEP  &  BRADFORD,  No.  128  Broadway, 
A  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK, 

&c.,  &c. 
(Containing  same  as  above.) 


HE   following  work,   in  which,   at   the   outset, 


nothing  more  was  contemplated  than  a  tem- 
porary jeu  d 'esprit,  was  commenced  in  company 
with  my  brother,  the  late  Peter  Irving,  Esq.  Our  idea 
was,  to  parody  a  small  handbook  which  had  recently 
appeared,  entitled  "A  Picture  of  New  York."  Like 
that,  our  work  was  to  begin  with,  an  historical  sketch ; 
to  be  followed  by  notices  of  the  customs,  manners,  and 
institutions  of  the  city;  written  in  a  serio-comic  vein, 
and  treating  local  errors,  follies,  and  abuses  with  good- 
humored  satire. 

To  burlesque  the  pedantic  lore  displayed  in  certain 
American  works,  our  historical  sketch  was  to  commence 
with  the  creation  of  the  world;  and  we  laid  all  kinds 
of  works  under  contribution  for  trite  citations,  relevant, 
or  irrelevant,  to  give  it  the  proper  air  of  learned  re- 
search. Before  this  crude  mass  of  mock  erudition  could 
be  digested  into  form,  my  brother  departed  for  Europe, 
and  I  was  left  to  prosecute  the  enterprise  alone. 

I  now  altered  the  plan  of  the  work.  Discarding  all 
idea  of  a  parody  on  the  "Picture  of  New  York,"  I 
1  1 


2  THE  AUTHOR'S  APOLOGY. 

determined  that  what  had  been  originally  intended  as 
an  introductory  sketch,  should  comprise  the  whole  work, 
and  form  a  comic  history  of  the  city.  I  accordingly 
moulded  the  mass  of  citations  and  disquisitions  into 
introductory  chapters,  forming  the  first  book;  but  it 
soon  became  evident  to  me,  that,  like  Robinson  Crusoe 
with  his  boat,  I  had  begun  on  too  large  a  scale,  and  that, 
to  launch  my  history  successfully,  I  must  reduce  its  pro- 
portions. I  accordingly  resolved  to  confine  it  to  the 
period  of  the  Dutch  domination,  which,  in  its  rise,  prog- 
ress, and  decline,  presented  that  unity  of  subject  re- 
quired by  classic  rule.  It  was  a  period,  also,  at  that 
time  almost  a  terra  incognita  in  history.  In  fact,  I  was 
surprised  to  find  how  few  of  my  fellow-citizens  were 
aware  that  New  York  had  ever  been  called  New  Amster- 
dam, or  had  heard  of  the  names  of  its  early  Dutch 
governors,  or  cared  a  straw  about  their  ancient  Dutch 
progenitors. 

This,  then,  broke  upon  me  as  the  poetic  age  of  our 
city ;  poetic  from  its  very  obscurity ;  and  open,  like  the 
early  and  obscure  days  of  ancient  Borne,  to  all  the  em- 
bellishments of  heroic  fiction.  I  hailed  my  native  city, 
as  fortunate  above  all  other  American  cities,  in  hav- 
ing an  antiquity  thus  extending  back  into  the  regions 
of  doubt  and  fable ;  neither  did  I  conceive  I  was  com- 
mitting any  grievous  historical  sin  in  helping  out  the  few 
facts  I  could  collect  in  this  remote  and  forgotten  region 
with  figments  of  my  own  brain,  or  in  giving  characteris- 


THE  AUTHOR'S  APOLOGY.  3 

tic  attributes  to  the  few  names  connected  with  it  which 
I  might  dig  up  from  oblivion. 

In  this,  doubtless,  I  reasoned  like  a  young  and  inex- 
perienced writer,  besotted  with  his  own  fancies ;  and  my 
presumptuous  trespasses  into  this  sacred,  though  neg- 
lected region  of  history  have  met  with  deserved  rebuke 
from  men  of  soberer  minds.  It  is  too  late,  however,  to 
recall  the  shaft  thus  rashly  launched.  To  any  one 
whose  sense  of  fitness  it  may  wound,  I  can  only  say 
with  Hamlet, — • 

Let  my  disclaiming  from  a  purposed  evil 
Free  me  so  far  in  your  most  generous  thoughts, 
That  I  have  shot  my  arrow  o'er  the  house, 
And  hurt  my  brother. 

I  will  say  this  in  further  apology  for  my  work :  that, 
if  it  has  taken  an  unwarrantable  liberty  with  our  early 
provincial  history,  it  has  at  least  turned  attention  to  that 
history  and  provoked  research.  It  is  only  since  this 
work  appeared  that  the  forgotten  archives  of  the  prov- 
ince have  been  rummaged,  and  the  facts  and  personages 
of  the  olden  time  rescued  from  the  dust  of  oblivion,  and 
elevated  into  whatever  importance  they  may  virtually 
possess. 

The  main  object  of  my  work,  in  fact,  had  a  bearing 
wide  from  the  sober  aim  of  history ;  but  one  which,  I 
trust,  will  meet  with  some  indulgence  from  poetic  minds. 
It  was  to  embody  the  traditions  of  our  city  in  an  amus- 


4  THE  AUTHOR'S  APOLOGY. 

ing  form;  to  illustrate  its  local  humors,  customs,  and 
peculiarities;  to  clothe  home  scenes  and  places  and 
familiar  names  with  those  imaginative  and  whimsical 
associations  so  seldom  met  with  in  our  new  country, 
but  which  live  like  charms  and  spells  about  the  cities 
of  the  old  world,  binding  the  heart  of  the  native  in- 
habitant to  his  home. 

In  this  I  have  reason  to  believe  I  have  in  some  meas- 
ure succeeded.  Before  the  appearance  of  my  work  the 
popular  traditions  of  our  city  were  unrecorded;  the 
peculiar  and  racy  customs  and  usages  derived  from  our 
Dutch  progenitors  were  unnoticed  or  regarded  with  in- 
difference, or  adverted  to  with  a  sneer.  Now  they  form 
a  convivial  currency,  and  are  brought  forward  on  all 
occasions ;  they  link  our  whole  community  together  in 
good-humor  and  good  fellowship ;  they  are  the  rallying 
points  of  home  feeling,  the  seasoning  of  our  civic  festivi- 
ties, the  staple  of  local  tales  and  local  pleasantries,  and 
are  so  harped-  upon  by  our  writers  of  popular  fiction, 
that  I  find  myself  almost  crowded  off  the  legendary 
ground  which  I  was  the  first  to  explore,  by  the  host  who 
have  followed  in  my  footsteps. 

I  dwell  on  this  head,  because,  at  the  first  appearance 
of  my  work,  its  aim  and  drift  were  misapprehended  by 
some  of  the  descendants  of  the  Dutch  worthies;  and 
because  I  understand  that  now  and  then  one  may  still 
be  found  to  regard  it  with  a  captious  eye.  The  far 
greater  part,  however,  I  have  reason  to  flatter  myself, 


THE  AUTHOR'S  APOLOGY.  5 

receive  my  good-humored  picturings  in  the  same  temper 
in  which  they  were  executed ;  and  when  I  find,  after  a 
lapse  of  nearly  forty  years,  this  hap-hazard  production  of 
my  youth  still  cherished  among  them, — when  I  find  its 
very  name  become  a  "household  word  "  and  used  to  give 
the  home  stamp  to  everything  recommended  for  popular 
acceptation,  such  as  Knickerbocker  societies,  Knicker- 
bocker insurance  companies,  Knickerbocker  steamboats, 
Knickerbocker  omnibuses,  Knickerbocker  bread,  and 
Knickerbocker  ice, — and  when  I  find  New  Yorkers  of 
Dutch  descent  priding  themselves  upon  being  "genuine 
Knickerbockers," — I  please  myself  with  the  persuasion 
that  I  have  struck  the  right  chord;  that  my  dealings 
with  the  good  old  Dutch  times,  and  the  customs  and 
usages  derived  from  them,  are  in  harmony  with  the 
feelings  and  humors  of  my  townsmen;  that  I  have 
opened  a  vein  of  pleasant  associations  and  quaint  char- 
acteristics peculiar  to  my  native  place,  and  which  its 
inhabitants  will  not  willingly  suffer  to  pass  away ;  and 
that,  though  other  histories  of  New  York  may  appear  of 
higher  claims  to  learned  acceptation,  and  may  take  their 
dignified  and  appropriate  rank  in  the  family  library, 
Knickerbocker's  history  will  still  be  received  with  good- 
humored  indulgence,  and  be  thumbed  and  chuckled  over 
by  the  family  fireside.  W.  I. 

SUITNYSIDE,  1848. 


T  was  some  time,  if  I  recollect  right,  in  the  early 
part  of  the  autumn  of  1808,  that  a  stranger  ap- 
plied for  lodgings  at  the  Independent  Colum- 
bian Hotel  in  Mulberry  Street,  of  which  I  am  landlord. 
He  was  a  small,  brisk-looking  old  gentleman,  dressed  in 
a  rusty  black  coat,  a  pair  of  olive  velvet  breeches,  and 
a  small  cocked  hat.  He  had  a  few  gray  hairs  plaited  and 
clubbed  behind,  and  his  beard  seemed  to  be  of  some 
eight-and-forty  hours'  growth.  The  only  piece  of  finery 
which  he  bore  about  him  was  a  bright  pair  of  square 
silver  shoe-buckles ;  and  all  his  baggage  was  contained 
in  a  pair  of  saddle-bags,  which  he  carried  under  his 
arm.  His  whole  appearance  was  something  out  of  the 
common  run  ;  and  my  wife,  who  is  a  very  shrewd  body, 
at  once  set  him  down  for  some  eminent  country  school- 
master. 

As  the  Independent  Columbian  Hotel  is  a  very  small 
house,  I  was  a  little  puzzled  at  first  where  to  put  him  ; 
but  my  wife,  who  seemed  taken  with  his  looks,  would 
needs  put  him  in  her  best  chamber,  which  is  genteelly  set 
off  with  the  profiles  of  the  whole  family,  done  in  black, 

7 


8  ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR. 

by  those  two  great  painters,  Jarvis  and  Wood ;  and  com- 
mands a  very  pleasant  view  of  the  new  grounds  on  the 
Collect,  together  with  the  rear  of  the  Poor-House  and 
Bridewell,  and  a  full  front  of  the  Hospital ;  so  that  it  is 
the  cheerfullest  room  in  the  whole  house. 

During  the  whole  time  that  he  stayed  with  us,  we  found 
him  a  very  worthy  good  sort  of  an  old  gentleman,  though 
a  little  queer  in  his  ways.  He  would  keep  in  his  room 
for  days  together,  and  if  any  of  the  children  cried,  or 
made  a  noise  about  his  door,  he  would  bounce  out  in  a 
great  passion,  with  his  hands  full  of  papers,  and  say 
something  about  "  deranging  his  ideas  " ;  which  made  my 
wife  believe  sometimes  that  he  was  not  altogether  compos. 
Indeed,  there  was  more  than  one  reason  to  make  her 
think  so,  for  his  room  was  always  covered  with  scraps  of 
paper  and  old  mouldy  books,  laying  about  at  sixes  and 
sevens,  which  he  would  never  let  anybody  touch  ;  for  he 
said  he  had  laid  them  all  away  in  their  proper  places,  so 
that  he  might  know  where  to  find  them  ;  though  for  that 
matter,  he  was  half  his  time  worrying  about  the  house  in 
search  of  some  book  or  writing  which  he  had  carefully 
put  out  of  the  way.  I  shall  never  forget  what  a  pother 
he  once  made,  because  my  wife  cleaned  out  his  room 
when  his  back  was  turned,  and  put  everything  to  rights  ; 
for  he  swore  he  would  never  be  able  to  get  his  papers  in 
order  again  in  a  twelvemonth.  Upon  this,  my  wife  ven- 
tured to  ask  him  what  he  did  with  so  many  books  and 
papers ;  and  he  told  her  that  he  was  "  seeking  for  immor- 


ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR.  9 

tality  "  ;  which  made  her  think  more  than  ever  that  the 
poor  old  gentleman's  head  was  a  little  cracked. 

He  was  a  very  inquisitive  body,  and  when  not  in  his 
room,  was  continually  poking  about  town,  hearing  all  the 
news,  and  prying  into  everything  that  was  going  on  :  this 
was  particularly  the  case  about  election  time,  when  he 
did  nothing  but  bustle  about  from  poll  to  poll,  attending 
all  ward  meetings,  and  committee  rooms ;  though  I  could 
never  find  that  he  took  part  with  either  side  of  the  ques- 
tion. On  the  contrary,  he  would  come  home  and  rail  at 
both  parties  with  great  wrath, — and  plainly  proved  one 
day,  to  the  satisfaction  of  my  wife  and  three  old  ladies 
who  were  drinking  tea  with  her,  that  the  two  parties  were 
like  two  rogues,  each  tugging  at  a  skirt  of  the  nation ; 
and  that  in  the  end  they  would  tear  the  very  coat  off  its 
back,  and  expose  its  nakedness.  Indeed,  he  was  an  or- 
acle among  the  neighbors,  who  would  collect  around  him 
to  hear  him  talk  of  an  afternoon,  as  he  smoked  his  pipe 
on  the  bench  -before  the  door ;  and  I  really  believe  he 
would  have  brought  over  the  whole  neighborhood  to  his 
own  side  of  the  question,  if  they  could  ever  have  found 
out  what  it  was. 

He  was  very  much  given  to  argue,  or,  as  he  called  it, 
philosophize,  about  the  most  trifling  matter ;  and  to  do  him 
justice,.!  never  knew  anybody  that  was  a  match  for  him, 
except  it  was  a  grave-looking  old  gentleman  who  called 
now  and  then  to  see  him,  and  often  posed  him  in  an  argu- 
ment. But  this  is  nothing  surprising,  as  I  have  since 


IQ  ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR. 

found  out  this  stranger  is  the  city  librarian;  who,  of 
course,  must  be  a  man  of  great  learning  :  and  I  have  my 
doubts  if  he  had  not  some  hand  in  the  following  history. 

As  our  lodger  had  been  a  long  time  with  us,  and  we 
had  never  received  any  pay,  my  wife  began  to  be  some- 
what uneasy,  and  curious  to  find  out  who  and  what  he 
was.  She  accordingly  made  bold  to  put  the  question  to 
his  friend,  the  librarian,  who  replied  in  his  dry  way  that 
he  was  one  of  the  literati,  which  she  supposed  to  mean 
some  new  party  in  politics.  I  scorn  to  push  a  lodger  for 
his  pay ;  so  I  let  day  after  day  pass  on  without  dunning 
the  old  gentleman  for  a  farthing :  but  my  wife,  who  always 
takes  these  matters  on  herself,  and  is,  as  I  said,  a  shrewd 
kind  of  a  woman,  at  last  got  out  of  patience,  and  hinted 
that  she  thought  it  high  time  "some  people  should  have 
a  sight  of  some  people's  money."  To  which  the  old  gen- 
tleman replied,  in  a  mighty  touchy  manner,  that  she  need 
not  make  herself  uneasy,  for  that  he  had  a  treasure  there, 
(pointing  to  his  saddle-bags,)  worth  her  whole  house  put 
together.  This  was  the  only  answer  we  could  ever  get 
from  him ;  and  as  my  wife,  by  some  of  those  odd  ways  in 
which  women  find  out  everything,  learnt  that  he  was  of 
very  great  connections,  being  related  to  the  Knicker- 
bockers of  Scaghtikoke,  and  cousin-german  to  the  con- 
grsssman  of  that  name,  she  did  not  like  to  treat  him 
uncivilly.  What  is  more,  she  even  offered,  merely  by 
way  of  making  things  easy,  to  let  him  live  scot-free,  if  he 
would  teach  the  children  their  letters;  and  to  try  her 


ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR.  11 

best  and  get  her  neighbors  to  send  their  children  also: 
but  the  old  gentleman  took  it  in  such  dudgeon,  and 
seemed  so  affronted  at  being  taken  for  a  schoolmaster, 
that  she  never  dared  to  speak  on  the  subject  again. 

About  two  months  ago,  he  went  out  of  a  morning,  with 
a  bundle  in  his  hand,  and  has  never  been  heard  of  since. 
All  kinds  of  inquiries  were  made  after  him,  but  in  vain. 
I  wrote  to  his  relations  at  Scaghtikoke,  but  they  sent  for 
answer,  that  he  had  not  been  there  since  the  year  before 
last,  when  he  had  a  great  dispute  with  the  congressman 
about  politics,  and  left  the  place  in  a  huff,  and  they  had 
neither  heard  nor  seen  anything  of  him  from  that  time  to 
this.  I  must  own  I  felt  very  much  worried  about  the 
poor  old  gentleman,  for  I  thought  something  bad  must 
have  happened  to  him,  that  he  should  be  missing  so  long, 
and  never  return  to  pay  his  bill.  I  therefore  advertised 
him  in  the  newspapers,  and  though  my  melancholy  adver- 
tisement was  published  by  several  humane  printers,  yet 
I  have  never  been  able  to  learn  anything  satisfactory 
about  him. 

My  wife  now  said  it  was  high  time  to  take  care  of  our- 
selves, and  see  if  he  had  left  anything  behind  in  his  room, 
that  would  pay  us  for  his  board  and  lodging.  We  found 
nothing,  however,  but  some  old  books  and  musty  writ- 
ings, and  his  saddle-bags ;  which,  being  opened  in  the 
presence  of  the  librarian,  contained  only  a  few  articles  of 
worn-out  clothes,  and  a  large  bundle  of  blotted  paper. 
On  looking  over  this,  the  librarian  told  us  he  had  no 


12  ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR. 

doubt  it  was  the  treasure  which  the  old  gentleman  had 
spoken  about ;  as  it  proved  to  be  a  most  excellent  and 
faithful  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK,  which  he  advised  ua  by 
all  means  to  publish,  assuring  us  that  it  would  be  so 
eagerly  bought  up  by  a  discerning  public,  that  he  had 
no  doubt  it  would  be  enough  to  pay  our  arrears  ten  times 
over.  Upon  this  we  got  a  very  learned  schoolmaster, 
who  teaches  our  children,  to  prepare  it  for  the  press, 
which  he  accordingly  has  done  ;  and  has,  moreover,  add- 
ed to  it  a  number  of  valuable  notes  of  his  own. 

This,  therefore,  is  a  true  statement  of  my  reasons  for 
having  this  work  printed,  without  waiting  for  the  consent 
of  the  author  ;  and  I  here  declare,  that,  if  he  ever  returns, 
(though  I  much  fear  some  unhappy  accident  has  befallen 
him,)  I  stand  ready  to  account  with  him  like  a  true  and 
honest  man.  Which  is  all  at  present, 

From  the  public's  humble  servant, 

SETH  HANDASIDE. 

Independent  Columbian  Hotel,  New  York. 

The  foregoing  account  of  the  author  was  prefixed  to 
the  first  edition  of  this  work.  Shortly  after  its  publica- 
tion, a  letter  was  received  from  him,  by  Mr.  Handaside, 
dated  at  a  small  Dutch  village  on  the  banks  of  the  Hud- 
son, whither  he  had  travelled  for  the  purpose  of  inspect- 
ing certain  ancient  records.  As  this  was  one  of  those 
few  and  happy  villages  into  which  newspapers  never  find 
their  way,  it  is  not  a  matter  of  surprise  that  Mr.  Knicker- 
bocker should  never  have  seen  the  numerous  advertise- 


ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR.  13 

merits  that  were  made  concerning  him,  and  that  he  should 
learn  of  the  publication  of  his  history  by  mere  accident. 

He  expressed  much  concern  at  its  premature  appear- 
ance, as  thereby  he  was  prevented  from  making  several 
important  corrections  and  alterations,  as  well  as  from 
profiting  by  many  curious  hints  which  he  had  collected 
during  his  travels  along  the  shores  of  the  Tappan  Sea, 
and  his  sojourn  at  Haverstraw  and  Esopus. 

Finding  that  there  was  no  longer  any  immediate  neces- 
sity for  his  return  to  New  York,  he  extended  his  journey 
up  to  the  residence  of  his  relations  at  Scaghtikoke.  On 
his  way  thither  he  stopped  for  some  days  at  Albany,  for 
which  city  he  is  known  to  have  entertained  a  great  par- 
tiality. He  found  it,  however,  considerably  altered,  and 
was  much  concerned  at  the  inroads  and  improvements 
which  the  Yankees  were  making,  and  the  consequent  de- 
cline of  the  good  old  Dutch  manners.  Indeed,  he  was 
informed  that  these  intruders  were  making  sad  innova- 
tions in  all  parts  of  the  State  ;  where  they  had  given 
great  trouble  and  vexation  to  the  regular  Dutch  settlers 
by  the  introduction  of  turnpike-gates,  and  country  school- 
houses.  It  is  said,  also,  that  Mr.  Knickerbocker  shook 
his  head  sorrowfully  at  noticing  the  gradual  decay  of  the 
great  Vander  Heyden  palace ;  but  was  highly  indignant  at 
finding  that  the  ancient  Dutch  church,  which  stood  in 
the  middle  of  the  street,  had  been  pulled  down  since  his 
last  visit. 

The  fame  of  Mr.  Knickerbocker's  history  having  reach- 


14  ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR. 

ed  even  to  Albany,  he  received  much  flattering  atten- 
tion from  its  worthy  burghers,  some  of  whom,  however, 
pointed  out  two  or  three  very  great  errors  he  had  fallen 
into,  particularly  that  of  suspending  a  lump  of  sugar 
over  the  Albany  tea-tables,  which,  they  assured  him, 
had  been  discontinued  for  some  years  past.  Several 
families,  moreover,  were  somewhat  piqued  that  their  an- 
cestors had  not  been  mentioned  in  his  work,  and  showed 
great  jealousy  of  their  neighbors  who  had  thus  been 
distinguished;  while  the  latter,  it  must  be  confessed, 
plumed  themselves  vastly  thereupon ;  considering  these 
recordings  in  the  light  of  letters-patent  of  nobility,  es- 
tablishing their  claims  to  ancestry, — which,  in  this  re- 
publican country,  is  a  matter  of  no  little  solicitude  and 
vainglory. 

It  is  also  said,  that  he  enjoyed  high  favor  and  counte- 
nance from  the  governor,  who  once  asked  him  to  dinner, 
and  was  seen  two  or  three  times  to  shake  hands  with 
him,  when  they  met  in  the  streets ;  which  certainly  was 
going  great  lengths,  considering  that  they  differed  in 
politics.  Indeed,  certain  of  the  governor's  confidential 
friends,  to  whom  he  could  venture  to  speak  his  mind 
freely  on  such  matters,  have  assured  us,  that  he  pri- 
vately entertained  a  considerable  good  will  for  our  au- 
thor,— nay,  he  even  once  went  so  far  as  to  declare,  and 
that  openly  too,  and  at  his  own  table,  just  after  dinner, 
that  "  Knickerbocker  was  a  very  well-meaning  sort  of  an 
old  gentleman,  and  no  fool."  From  all  which  many  have 


ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR.  15 

been  led  to  suppose  that,  had  our  author  been  of  differ- 
ent politics,  and  written  for  the  newspapers  instead  of 
wasting  his  talents  on  histories,  he  might  have  risen  to 
some  post  of  honor  and  profit, — peradventure,  to  be  £, 
notary-public,  or  even  a  justice  in  the  ten-pound  court. 

Beside  the  honors  and  civilities  already  mentioned, 
he  was  much  caressed  by  the  literati  of  Albany ;  partic- 
ularly by  Mr.  John  Cook,  who  entertained  him  very 
hospitably  at  his  circulating  library  and  reading-room, 
where  they  used  to  drink  Spa  water,  and  talk  about 
the  ancients.  He  found  Mr.  Cook  a  man  after  his  own 
heart, — of  great  literary  research,  and  a  curious  collector 
of  books.  At  parting,  the  latter,  in  testimony  of  friend- 
ship, made  him  a  present  of  the  two  oldest  works  in  his 
collection ;  which  were  the  earliest  edition  of  the  Hei- 
delberg Catechism,  and  Adr'an  Yander  Donck's  famous 
account  of  the  New  Netherlands  :  by  the  last  of  which, 
Mr.  Knickerbocker  profited  greatly  in  his  second  edition. 

Having  passed  some  time  very  agreeably  at  Albany, 
our  author  proceeded  to  Scaghtikoke,  where,  it  is  but 
justice  to  say,  he  was  received  with  open  arms,  and 
treated  with  wonderful  loving-kindness.  He  was  much 
looked  up  to  by  the  family,  being  the  first  historian  of 
the  name  ;  and  was  considered  almost  as  great  a  man 
as  his  cousin  the  congressman, — with  whom,  by  the  by, 
he  became  perfectly  reconciled,  and  contracted  a  strong 
friendship. 

In  spite,  however,  of  the  kindness  of  his  relations  and 


16  ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR. 

their  great  attention  to  his  comforts,  the  old  gentleman 
soon  became  restless  and  discontented.  His  history 
being  published,  he  had  no  longer  any  business  to  oc- 
cupy his  thoughts,  or  any  scheme  to  excite  his  hopes 
and  anticipations.  This,  to  a  busy  mind  like  his,  was 
a  truly  deplorable  situation ;  and,  had  he  not  been  a  man 
of  inflexible  morals  and  regular  habits,  there  would  have 
been  great  danger  of  his  taking  to  politics,  or  drinking, 
—both  which  pernicious  vices  we  daily  see  men  driven 
to  by  mere  spleen  and  idleness. 

It  is  true,  he  sometimes  employed  himself  in  preparing 
a  second  edition  of  his  history,  wherein  he  endeavored  to 
correct  and  improve  many  passages  with  which  he  was 
dissatisfied,  and  to  rectify  some  mistakes  that  had  crept 
into  it;  for  he  was  particularly  anxious  that  his  work 
should  be  noted  for  its  authenticity;  which,  indeed,  is 
the  very  life  and  soul  of  history.  But  the  glow  of  com- 
position had  departed, — he  had  to  leave  many  places  un- 
touched, which  he  would  fain  have  altered;  and  even 
where  he  did  make  alterations,  he  seemed  always  in 
doubt  whether  they  were  for  the  better  or  the  worse. 

After  a  residence  of  some  time  at  Scaghtikoke,  he  began 
to  feel  a  strong  desire  to  return  to  New  York,  which  he 
ever  regarded  with  the  warmest  affection ;  not  merely  be- 
cause it  was  his  native  city,  but  because  he  really  consid- 
ered it  the  very  best  city  in  the  whole  world.  On  his 
return,  he  entered  into  the  full  enjoyment  of  the  advan- 
tages of  a  literary  reputation.  He  was  continually  impor- 


ACCOUNT  OF  TEE  AUTHOR.  17 

tuned  to  write  advertisements,  petitions,  handbills,  and 
productions  of  similar  import;  and,  although  he  never 
meddled  with  the  public  papers,  yet  had  he  the  credit  of 
writing  innumerable  essays,  and  smart  things,  that  ap- 
peared on  all  subjects,  and  all  sides  of  the  question ;  in 
all  which  he  was  clearly  detected  "  by  his  style." 

He  contracted,  moreover,  a  considerable  debt  at  the 
post-office,  in  consequence  of  the  numerous  letters  he 
received  from  authors  and  printers  soliciting  his  sub- 
scription, and  he  was  applied  to  by  every  charitable 
society  for  yearly  donations,  which  he  gave  very  cheer- 
fully, considering  these  applications  as  so  many  compli- 
ments. He  was  once  invited  to  a  great  corporation  din- 
ner ;  and  was  even  twice  summoned  to  attend  as  a  juryman 
at  the  court  of  quarter  sessions.  Indeed,  so  renowned 
did  he  become,  that  he  could  no  longer  pry  about,  as 
formerly,  in  all  holes  and  corners  of  the  city,  according  to 
the  bent  of  his  humor,  unnoticed  and  uninterrupted ;  but 
several  times  when  he  has  been  sauntering  the  streets, 
on  his  usual  rambles  of  observation,  equipped  with  his 
cane  and  cocked  hat,  the  little  boys  at  play  have  been 
known  to  cry,  "  There  goes  Diedrich !  " — at  which  the 
old  gentleman  seemed  not  a  little  pleased,  looking  upon 
these  salutations  in  the  light  of  the  praise  of  posterity. 

In  a  word,  if  we  take  into  consideration  all  these  vari- 
ous honors  and  distinctions,  together  with  an  exuberant 
eulogium  passed  on  him  in  the  Port  Folio, — (with  which, 
we  are  told,  the  old  gentleman  was  so  much  overpowered, 
2 


18  ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR. 

that  he  was  sick  for  two  or  three  days,) — it  must  be  con- 
fessed, that  few  authors  have  ever  lived  to  receive  such 
illustrious  rewards,  or  have  so  completely  enjoyed  in 
advance  their  own  immortality. 

After  his  return  from  Scaghtikoke,  Mr.  Knickerbocker 
took  up  his  residence  at  a  little  rural  retreat,  which  the 
Stuyvesants  had  granted  him  on  the  family  domain,  in 
gratitude  for  his  honorable  mention  of  their  ancestor. 
It  was  pleasantly  situated  on  the  borders  of  one  of  the 
salt  marshes  beyond  Corlear's  Hook ;  subject,  indeed,  to 
be  occasionally  overflowed,  and  much  infested,  in  the 
summer  time,  with  mosquitoes ;  but  otherwise  very 
agreeable,  producing  abundant  crops  of  salt  grass  and 
bulrushes. 

Here,  we  are  sorry  to  say,  the  good  old  gentleman  fell 
dangerously  ill  of  a  fever,  occasioned  by  the  neighboring 
marshes.  When  he  found  his  end  approaching,  he  dis- 
posed of  his  worldly  affairs,  leaving  the  bulk  of  his  for- 
tune to  the  New  York  Historical  Society ;  his  Heidelberg 
Catechism,  and  Vander  Donck's  work  to  the  city  library ; 
and  his  saddle-bags  to  Mr.  Hanaside.  He  forgave  all  his 
enemies, — that  is  to  say,  all  who  bore  any  enmity  towards 
him ;  for  as  to  himself,  he  declared  he  died  in  good  will 
with  all  the  world.  And,  after  dictating  several  kind 
messages  to  his  relations  at  Scaghtikoke,  as  well  as  to 
certain  of  our  most  substantial  Dutch  citizens,  he  ex- 
pired in  the  arms  of  his  friend  the  librarian. 

His  remains  were  interred,  according  to  his  own  re- 


ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOK.  19 

quest,  in  St.  Mark's  churchyard,  close  by  the  bones 
of  his  favorite  hero,  Peter  Stuyvesant;  and  it  is  ru- 
mored, that  the  Historical  Society  have  it  in  mind  to 
erect  a  wooden  monument  to  his  memory  in  the  Bowling 
Green. 


To  THE  PUBLIC. 


O  rescue  from  oblivion  the  memory  of  former  in- 
cidents, and  to  render  a  just  tribute  of  renown 
to  the  many  great  and  wonderful  transactions 
of  our  Dutch  progenitors,  Diedrich  Knickerbocker,  native 
of  the  city  of  New  York,  produces  this  historical  essay."* 
Like  the  great  Father  of  History,  whose  words  I  have 
just  quoted,  I  treat  of  times  long  past,  over  which  the 
twilight  of  uncertainty  had  already  thrown  its  shadows, 
and  the  night  of  forgetfulness  was  about  to  descend  for- 
ever. With  great  solicitude  had  I  long  beheld  the  early 
history  of  this  venerable  and  ancient  city  gradually  slip- 
ping from  our  grasp,  trembling  on  the  lips  of  narrative 
old  age,  and  day  by  day  dropping  piecemeal  into  the 
tomb.  In  a  little  while,  thought  I,  and  those  reverend 
Dutch  burghers,  who  serve  as  the  tottering  monuments  of 
good  old  times,  will  be  gathered  to  their  fathers ;  their 
children,  engrossed  by  the  empty  pleasures  or  insignifi- 
cant transactions  of  the  present  age,  will  neglect  to  treas- 
ure up  the  recollections  of  the  past,  and  posterity  will 
search  in  vain  for  memorials  of  the  days  of  the  Patri- 

*  Beloe's  Herodotus. 

21 


22  TO  THE  PUBLIC. 

archs.  The  origin  of  our  city  will  be  buried  in  eternal 
oblivion,  and  even  the  names  and  achievements  of  Wou- 
ter  Van  Twiller,  William  Kieft,  and  Peter  Stuyvesant,  be 
enveloped  in  doubt  and  fiction,  like  those  of  Romulus 
and  Remus,  of  Charlemagne,  King  Arthur,  Rinaldo,  and 
Godfrey  of  Bologne. 

Determined,  therefore,  to  avert  if  possible  this  threat- 
ened misfortune,  I  industriously  set  myself  to  work,  to 
gather  together  all  the  fragments  of  our  infant  history 
which  still  existed,  and  like  my  reverend  prototype,  He- 
rodotus, where  no  written  records  could  be  found,  I  have 
endeavored  to  continue  the  chain  of  history  by  well-au- 
thenticated traditions. 

In  this  arduous  undertaking,  which  has  been  the  whole 
business  of  a  long  and  solitary  life,  it  is  incredible  the 
number  of  learned  authors  I  have  consulted ;  and  all  but 
to  little  purpose.  Strange  as  it  may  seem,  though  such 
multitudes  of  excellent  works  have  been  written  about 
this  country,  there  are  none  extant  which  gave  any  full 
and  satisfactory  account  of  the  early  history  of  New 
York,  or  of  its  three  first  Dutch  governors.  I  have,  how- 
ever, gained  much  valuable  and  curious  matter,  from 
an  elaborate  manuscript  written  in  exceeding  pure  and 
classic  Low  Dutch,  excepting  a  few  errors  in  orthography, 
which  was  found  in  the  archives  of  the  Stuyvesant 
family.  Many  legends,  letters,  and  other  documents  have 
I  likewise  gleaned,  in  my  researches  among  the  family 
chests  and  lumber-garrets  of  our  respectable  Dutch  citi- 


TO  THE  PUBLIC.  23 

zens  ;  and  I  have  gathered  a  host  of  well-authenticated 
traditions  from  divers  excellent  old  ladies  of  my  acquaint- 
ance, who  requested  that  their  names  might  not  be  men- 
tioned. Nor  must  I  neglect  to  acknowledge  how  greatly 
I  have  been  assisted  by  that  admirable  and  praiseworthy 
institution,  the  NEW  YOEK  HISTORICAL  SOCIETY,  to  which  I 
here  publicly  return  my  sincere  acknowledgments. 

In  the  conduct  of  this  inestimable  work  I  have  adopted 
110  individual  model ;  but,  on  the  contrary,  have  simply 
contented  myself  with  combining  and  concentrating  the 
excellences  of  the  most  approved  ancient  historians. 
Like  Xenophon,  I  have  maintained  the  utmost  impartial- 
ity, and  the  strictest  adherence  to  truth  throughout  my 
history.  I  have  enriched  it  after  the  manner  of  Sallust, 
with  various  characters  of  ancient  worthies,  drawn  at  full 
length,  and  faithfully  colored.  I  have  seasoned  it  with 
profound  political  speculations  like  Thucydides,  sweet- 
ened it  with  the  graces  of  sentiment  like  Tacitus,  and  in- 
fused into  the  whole  the  dignity,  the  gran'deur,  and  mag- 
nificence of  Livy. 

I  am  aware  that  I  shall  incur  the  censure  of  numerous 
very  learned  and  judicious  critics,  for  indulging  too  fre- 
quently in  the  bold  excursive  manner  of  my  favorite 
Herodotus.  And  to  be  candid,  I  have  found  it  impossible 
always  to  resist  the  allurements  of  those  pleasing  epi- 
sodes which,  like  flowery  banks  and  fragrant  bowers,  be- 
set the  dusty  road  of  the  historian,  and  entice  him  to 
turn  aside,  and  refresh  himself  from  his  wayfaring.  But 


24  TO  THE  PUBLIC. 

I  trust  it  will  be  found  that  I  have  always  resumed  my 
staff,  and  addressed  myself  to  my  weary  journey  with  re- 
novated spirits,  so  that  both  my  readers  and  myself  have 
been  benefited  by  the  relaxation. 

Indeed,  though  it  has  been  my  constant  wish  and  uni- 
form endeavor  to  rival  Polybius  himself,  in  observing  the 
requisite  unity  of  history,  yet  the  loose  and  unconnected 
manner  in  which  many  of  the  facts  herein  recorded  have 
come  to  hand,  rendered  such  an  attempt  extremely  diffi- 
cult. This  difficulty  was  likewise  increased  by  one  of  the 
grand  objects  contemplated  in  my  work,  which  was  to 
trace  the  rise  of  sundry  customs  and  institutions  in  this 
best  of  cities,  and  to  compare  them,  when  in  the  germ  of 
infancy,  with  what  they  are  in  the  present  old  age  of 
knowledge  and  improvement. 

But  the  chief  merit  on  which  I  value  myself,  and  found 
my  hopes  for  future  regard,  is  that  faithful  veracity  with 
which  I  have  compiled  this  invaluable  little  work ;  care- 
fully winnowing  away  the  chaff  of  hypothesis,  and  dis- 
carding the  tares  of  fable,  which  are  too  apt  to  spring  up 
and  choke  the  seeds  of  truth  and  wholesome  knowledge. 
Had  I  been  anxious  to  captivate  the  superficial  throng, 
who  skim  like  swallows  over  the  surface  of  literature ;  or 
had  I  been  anxious  to  commend  my  writings  to  the  pam- 
pered palates  of  literary  epicures,  I  might  have  availed 
myself  of  the  obscurity  that  overshadows  the  infant  years 
of  our  city,  to  introduce  a  thousand  pleasing  fictions. 
But  I  have  scrupulously  discarded  many  a  pithy  tale  and 


TO  THE  PUBLIC.  25 

marvellous  adventure,  whereby  the  drowsy  ear  of  sum- 
mer indolence  might  be  enthralled  ;  jealously  maintaining 
that  fidelity,  gravity,  anfl  dignity,  which  should  ever  dis- 
tinguish the  historian.  "For  a  writer  of  this  class,"  ob- 
serves an  elegant  critic,  "  must  sustain  the  character  of  a 
wise  man,  writing  for  the  instruction  of  posterity ;  one 
who  has  studied  to  inform  himself  well,  who  has  pon- 
dered his  subject  with  care,  and  addresses  himself  to  our 
judgment,  rather  than  to  our  imagination." 

Thrice  happy,  therefore,  is  this  our  renowned  city  in 
having  incidents  worthy  of  swelling  the  theme  of  history ; 
and  doubly  thrice  happy  is  it  in  having  such  an  historian 
as  myself  to  relate  them.  For  after  all,  gentle  reader, 
cities  of  themselves,  and,  in  fact,  empires  of  themselves,  are 
nothing  without  an  historian.  It  is  the  patient  narrator 
who  records  their  prosperity  as  they  rise, — who  blazons 
forth  the  splendor  of  their  noon-tide  meridian, — who 
props  their  feeble  memorials  as  they  totter  to  decay, — 
who  gathers  together  their  scattered  fragments  as  they 
rot, — and  who  piously,  at  length,  collects  their  ashes  into 
the  mausoleum  of  his  work  and  rears  a  monument  that 
will  transmit  their  renown  to  all  succeeding  ages. 

"What  has  been  the  fate  of  many  fair  cities  of  antiquity, 
whose  nameless  ruins  encumber  the  plains  of  Europe  and 
Asia,  and  awaken  the  fruitless  inquiry  of  the  traveller  ? 
They  have  sunk  into  dust  and  silence, — they  have  per- 
ished from  remembrance  for  want  of  an  historian  !  The 
philanthropist  may  weep  over  their  desolation,— the  poet 


26  TO  THE  PUBLIC. 

may  wander  among  their  mouldering  arches  and  broken 
columns,  and  indulge  the  visionary  flights  of  his  fancy,— 
but,  alas!  alas!  the  modern  historian,  whose  pen,  like 
my  own,  is  doomed  to  confine  itself  to  dull  matter-of-fact, 
seeks  in  vain  among  their  oblivious  remains  for  some 
memorial  that  may  tell  the  instructive  tale  of  their  glory 
and  their  ruin. 

"Wars,  conflagrations,  deluges,"  says  Aristotle,  "de- 
stroy nations,  and  with  them  all  their  monuments,  their 
discoveries,  and  their  vanities.  The  torch  of  science  has 
more  than  once  been  extinguished  and  rekindled  ; — a  few 
individuals,  who  have  escaped  by  accident,  reunite  the 
thread  of  generations." 

The  s-ame  sad  misfortune  which  has  happened  to  so 
many  ancient  cities  will  happen  again,  and  from  the  same 
sad  cause,  to  nine  tenths  of  those  which-  now  flourish  on 
the  face  of  the  globe.  With  most  of  them  the  time  for 
recording  their  early  history  is  gone  by ;  their  origin, 
their  foundation,  together  with  the  eventful  period  of 
their  youth,  are  forever  buried  in  the  rubbish  of  years ; 
and  the  same  would  have  been  the  case  with  this  fair 
portion  of  the  earth,  if  I  had  not  snatched  it  from 
obscurity  in  the  very  nick  of  time,  at  the  moment  that 
those  matters  herein  recorded  were  about  entering  into 
the  wide-spread,  insatiable  maw  of  oblivion, — if  I  had 
not  dragged  them  out,  as  it  were,  by  the  very  locks,  just 
as  the  monster's  adamantine  fangs  were  closing  upon 
them  forever!  And  here  have  I,  as  before  observed, 


TO    THE  PUBLIC  27 

carefully  collected,  collated,  and  arranged  them,  scrip 
and  scrap,  "punt  en  punt,  gat  en  gat"  and  commenced  in 
this  little  work  a  history,  to  serve  as  a  foundation  on 
which  other  historians  may  hereafter  raise  a  noble  super- 
structure, swelling  in  process  of  time,  until  Knickerbocker's 
New  York  may  be  equally  voluminous  with  Gibbons  Rome, 
or  Hume  and  Smollett's  England  ! 

And  now  indulge  me  for  a  moment,  while  I  lay  down 
my  pen,  skip  to  some  little  eminence  at  the  distance  of 
two  or  three  hundred  years  ahead;  and,  casting  back  a 
bird's-eye  glance  over  the  waste  of  years  that  is  to  roll 
between,  discover  myself — little  I — at  this  moment  the 
progenitor,  prototype,  and  precursor  of  them  all,  posted 
at  the  head  of  this  host  of  literary  worthies,  with  my 
book  under  my  arm,  and  New  York  on  my  back,  pressing 
forward,  like  a  gallant  commander,  to  honor  and  immor- 
tality. 

Such  are  the  vainglorious  imaginings  that  will  now 
and  then  enter  into  the  brain  of  the  author, — that  irra- 
diate, as  with  celestial  light,  his  solitary  chamber,  cheer- 
ing his  weary  spirits,  and  animating  him  to  persevere  in 
his  labors.  And  I  have  freely  given  utterance  to  these 
rhapsodies  whenever  they  have  occurred;  not,  I  trust, 
from  an  unusual  spirit  of  egotism,  but  merely  that  the 
reader  may  for  once  have  an  idea  how  an  author  thinks 
and  feels  while  he  is  writing, — a  kind  of  knowledge  very 
rare  and  curious,  and  much  to  be  desired. 


BOOK  I. 

CONTAINING  DIVERS  INGENIOUS  THEOKIES  AND  PHILOSOPHIC  SPECU- 
LATIONS, CONCERNING  THE  CREATION  AND  POPULATION  OF  THE 
WORLD,  AS  CONNECTED  WITH  THE  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 


CHAPTEE  I. 


DESCRIPTION   OP  THE   WORLD. 


CCOBDING  to  the  best  authorities,  the  world 
in  which  we  dwell  is  a  huge,  opaque,  reflecting, 
inanimate  mass,  floating  in  the  vast  ethereal 
ocean  of  infinite  space.  It  has  the  form  of  an  orange, 
being  an  oblate  spheroid,  curiously  flattened  at  opposite 
parts,  for  the  insertion  of  two  imaginary  poles,  which  are 
supposed  to  penetrate  and  unite  at  the  centre,  thus  form- 
ing an  axis  on  which  the  mighty  orange  turns  with  a  reg- 
ular diurnal  revolution. 


30  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

The  transitions  of  light  and  darkness,  whence  proceed 
the  alternations  of  day  and  night,  are  produced  by  this 
diurnal  revolution  successively  presenting  the  different 
parts  of  the  earth  to  the  rays  of  the  sun.  The  latter  is, 
according  to  the  best,  that  is  to  say,  the  latest  accounts,  a 
luminous  or  fiery  body,  of  a  prodigious  magnitude,  from 
which  this  world  is  driven  by  a  centrifugal  or  repelling 
power,  and  to  which  it  is  drawn  by  a  centripetal  or  at- 
tractive force  ;  otherwise  called  the  attraction  of  gravita- 
tion ;  the  combination,  or  rather  the  counteraction  of 
these  two  opposing  impulses  producing  a  circular  and 
annual  revolution.  Hence  result  the  different  seasons  of 
the  year,  viz.  :  spring,  summer,  autumn,  and  winter. 

This  I  believe  to  be  the  most  approved  modern  theory 
on  the  subject, — though  there  be  many  philosophers  who 
have  entertained  very  different  opinions  ;  some,  too,  of 
them  entitled  to  much  deference  from  their  great  anti- 
quity and  illustrious  character.  Thus  it  was  advanced 
by  some  of  the  ancient  sages,  that  the  earth  was  an  ex- 
tended plain,  supported  by  vast  pillars ;  and  by  others, 
that  it  rested  on  the  head  of  a  snake,  or  the  back  of  a 
huge  tortoise ; — but  as  they  did  not  provide  a  resting- 
place  for  either  the  pillars  or  the  tortoise,  the  whole 
theory  fell  to  the  ground,  for  want  of  proper  foundation. 

The  Brahmins  assert,  that  the  heavens  rest  upon  the 
earth,  and  the  sun  and  moon  swim  therein  like  fishes  in 
the  water,  moving  from  east  to  west  by  day,  and  gliding 
along  the  edge  of  the  horizon  to  their  original  stations 


OPINIONS  ABOUT  THE  WORLD.  31 

during  night ;  *  while,  according  to  the  Pauranicas  of 
India,  it  is  a  vast  plain,  encircled  by  seven  oceans  of  milk, 
nectar,  and  other  delicious  liquids ;  that  it  is  studded 
with  seven  mountains,  and  ornamented  in  the  centre  by  a 
mountainous  rock  of  burnished  gold;  and  that  a  great 
dragon  occasionally  swallows  up  the  moon,  which  ac- 
counts for  the  phenomena  of  lunar  eclipses.f 

Beside  these,  and  many  other  equally  sage  opinions, 
we  have  the  profound  conjectures  of  ABOUL-HASSAN-ALY, 
son  of  Al  Khan,  son  of  Aly,  son  of  Abderrahman,  son 
of  Abdallah,  son  of  Masoud-el-Hadheli  who  is  commonly 
called  MASOUDI,  and  surnamed  Cothbiddin,  but  who 
takes  the  humble  title  of  Laheb-ar-rasoul,  which  means 
the  companion  of  the  ambassador  of  God.  He  has 
written  a  universal  history,  entitled  "  Mouroudge-ed- 
dharab,  or  the  Golden  Meadows,  and  the  Mines  of  Pre- 
cious Stones."  %  In  this  valuable  work  he  has  related 
the  history  of  the  world  from  the  creation  down  to  the 
moment  of  writing ;  which  was  under  the  Khaliphat  of 
Mothi  Billah,  in  the  month  Dgioumadi-el-aoual  of  the 
336th  year  of  the  Hegira  or  flight  of  the  Prophet.  He 
informs  us  that  the  earth  is  a  huge  bird,  Mecca  and 
Medina  constituting  the  head,  Persia  and  India  the  right 
wing,  the  land  of  Gog  the  left  wing,  and  Africa  the  tail. 
He  informs  us,  moreover,  that  an  earth  has  existed 

*  Faria  y  Souza.  Mick.  lus.  note  b.  7. 
f  Sir  W.  Jones,  Diss.  Antiq.  Ind.  Zod. 
j  MSS.  Bibliot.  Roi  Fr. 


32  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

before  the  present  (which  lie  considers  as  a  mere  chicken 
of  7000  years),  that  it  has  undergone  divers  deluges,  and 
that,  according  to  the  opinion  of  some  well-informed 
Brahmins  of  his  acquaintance,  it  will  be  renovated  every 
seventy  thousandth  hazarouam ;  each  hazarouam  con- 
sisting of  12,000  years. 

These  are  a  few  of  the  many  contradictory  opinions  of 
philosophers  concerning  the  earth,  and  we  find  that  the 
learned  have  had  equal  perplexity  as  to  the  nature  of  the 
sun.  Some  of  the  ancient  philosophers  have  affirmed 
that  it  is  a  vast  wheel  of  brilliant  fire ;  *  others,  that  it  is 
merely  a  mirror  or  spLer-e  of  transparent  crystal ;  t  and 
a  third  class,  at  the  head  of  whom  stands  Anaxagoras, 
maintained  that  it  was  nothing  but  a  huge  ignited  mass 
of  iron  or  stone, — indeed,  he  declared  the  heavens  to  be 
merely  a  vault  of  stone, — and  that  the  stars  were  stones 
whirled  upward  from  the  earth,  and  set  on  fire  by  the 
velocity  of  its  revolutions.  |  But  I  give  little  attention 
to  the  doctrines  of  this  philosopher,  the  people  of  Ath- 
ens having  fully  refuted  them,  by  banishing  him  from 
their  city  :  a  concise  mode  of  answering  unwelcome  doc- 
trines, much  resorted  to  in  former  days.  Another  sect  of 
philosophers  do  declare,  that  certain  fiery  particles  ex- 


*  Plutarch  de  placitis  Philosoph.  lib.  ii.  cap.  20. 

f  Achill.  Tat,  isag.  cap.  19.  Ap.  Petav.  t,  iii.  p.  81.  Stob.  Eclog. 
Phys.  lib.  i.  p.  56.  Plut.  de  Plac.  Plii. 

f  Diogenes  Laertius  in  Anaxag.  ].  ii.  sec.  8.  Plat.  Apol.  t.  i.  p.  26. 
Plut.  de  Plac.  Philo.  Xenoph.  Mem.  1.  iv.  p.  813. 


THE  NATURE  OF  THE  SUN.  33 

hale  constantly  from  the  earth,  which,  concentrating  in  a 
single  point  of  the  firmament  by  day,  constitute  the  sun, 
but  being  scattered  and  rambling  about  in  the  dark  at 
night,  collect  in  various  points,  and  form  stars.  These 
are  regularly  burnt  out  and  extinguished,  not  unlike  to 
the  lamps  in  our  streets,  and  require  a  fresh  supply  of 
exhalations  for  the  next  occasion.* 

It  is  even  recorded,  that  at  certain  remote  and  obscure 
periods,  in  consequence  of  a  great  scarcity  of  fuel,  the 
sun  has  been  completely  burnt  out,  and  sometimes  not 
rekindled  for  a  month  at  a  time.  A  most  melancholy 
circumstance,  the  very  idea  of  which  gave  vast  concern 
to  Heraclitus,  that  worthy  weeping  philosopher  of  anti- 
quity. In  addition  to  these  various  speculations,  it  was 
the  opinion  of  Herschel,  that  the  sun  is  a  magnificent, 
habitable  abode ;  the  light  it  furnishes  arising  from  cer- 
tain empyreal,  luminous  or  phosphoric  clouds,  swimming 
in  its  transparent  atmosphere,  t 

But  we  will  not  enter  farther  at  present  into  the  nature 
of  the  sun,  that  being  an  inquiry  not  immediately  neces- 
sary to  the  development  of  this  history ;  neither  will  we 
embroil  ourselves  in  any  more  of  the  endless  disputes  of 
philosophers  touching  the  form  of  this  globe,  but  content 
ourselves  with  the  theory  advanced  in  the  beginning  of 


*  Aristot.  Meteor.  1.  ii.  c.  2.  Idem.  Probl.  sec.  15,  Stob.  Eel.  Phys.  1.  i. 
p.  55.  Brack.  Hist.  Phil.  t.  i.  p.  1154,  &c. 

f  Philos.  Trans.  1795,  p.  72.  Idem.  1801,  p.  265.  Nich.  Philos. 
Journ.  I.  p.  13. 

3 


34  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

this  chapter,  and  will  proceed  to  illustrate,  by  experi- 
ment, the  complexity  of  motion  therein  ascribed  to  this 
our  rotatory  planet. 

Professor  Yon  Poddingcoft  (or  Puddinghead,  as  the 
name  may  be  rendered  into  English)  was  long  cele- 
brated in  the  university  of  Leyden,  for  profound  gravity 
of  deportment,  and  a  talent  at  going  to  sleep  in  the  midst 
of  examinations,  to  the  infinite  relief  of  his  hopeful  stu- 
dents, who  thereby  worked  their  way  through  college 
with  great  ease  and  little  study.  In  the  course  of  one  of 
his  lectures,  the  learned  professor,  seizing  a  bucket  of 
water,  swung  it  around  his  head  at  arm's  length.  The 
impulse  with  which  he  threw  the  vessel  from  him,  being 
a  centrifugal  force,  the  retention  of  his  arm  operating  as 
a  centripetal  power,  and  the  bucket,  which  was  a  substi- 
tute for  the  earth,  describing  a  circular  orbit  round  about 
the  globular  head  and  ruby  visage  of  Professor  Yon 
Poddingcoft,  which  formed  no  bad  representation  of  the 
sun.  All  of  these  particulars  were  duly  explained  to  the 
class  of  gaping  students  around  him.  He  apprised  them, 
moreover,  that  the  same  principle  of  gravitation,  which 
retained  the  water  in  the  bucket,  restrains  the  ocean  from 
flying  from  the  earth  in  its  rapid  revolutions;  and  he 
farther  informed  them  that  should  the  motion  of  the 
earth  be  suddenly  checked,  it  would  incontinently  fall 
into  the  sun,  through  the  centripetal  force  of  gravitation, 
— a  most  ruinous  event  to  this  planet,  and  one  which 
would  also  obscure,  though  it  most  probably  would  not 


A  PRACTICAL  EXPERIMENT.  35 

extinguish,  the  solar  luminary.  An  unlucky  stripling, 
one  of  those  vagrant  geniuses,  who  seem  sent  into  the 
world  merely  to  annoy  worthy  men  of  the  puddinghead 
order,  desirous  of  ascertaining  the  correctness  of  the  ex- 
periment, suddenly  arrested  the  arm  of  the  professor,  just 
at  the  moment  that  the  bucket  was  in  its  zenith,  which 
immediately  descended  with  astonishing  precision  upon 
the  philosophic  head  of  the  instructor  of  youth.  A  hol- 
low sound,  and  a  red-hot  hiss,  attended  the  contact ;  but 
the  theory  was  in  the  amplest  manner  illustrated,  for 
the  unfortunate  bucket  perished  in  the  conflict;  but 
the  blazing  countenance  of  Professor  Von  Poddingcoft 
emerged  from  amidst  the  waters,  glowing  fiercer  than 
ever  with  unutterable  indignation,  whereby  the  students 
were  marvellously  edified,  and  departed  considerably 
wiser  than  before. 

It  is  a  mortifying  circumstance,  which  greatly  per- 
plexes many  a  painstaking  philosopher,  that  nature  often 
refuses  to  second  his  most  profound  and  elaborate  efforts ; 
so  that  after  having  invented  one  of  the  most  ingenious 
and  natural  theories  imaginable,  she  will  have  the  per- 
verseness  to  act  directly  in  the  teeth  of  his  system,  and 
flatly  contradict  his  most  favorite  positions.  This  is  a 
manifest  and  unmerited  grievance,  since  it  throws  the 
censure  of  the  vulgar  and  unlearned  entirely  upon  the 
philosopher ;  whereas  the  fault  is  not  to  be  ascribed  to 
his  theory,  which  is  unquestionably  correct,  but  to  tho 
waywardness  of  dame  nature,  who,  with  the  proverbial 


36  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

fickleness  of  her  sex,  is  continually  indulging  in  coquet- 
ries and  caprices,  and  seems  really  to  take  pleasure  in 
violating  all  philosophic  rules,  and  jilting  the  most  learn- 
ed and  indefatigable  of  her  adorers.  Thus  it  happened 
with  respect  to  the  foregoing  satisfactory  explanation  of 
the  motion  of  our  planet ;  it  appears  that  the  centrifugal 
force  has  long  since  ceased  to  operate,  while  its  antago- 
nist remains  in  undiminished  potency  ;  the  world,  there- 
fore, according  to  the  theory  as  it  originally  stood,  ought 
in  strict  propriety  to  tumble  into  the  sun  ;  philosophers 
were  convinced  that  it  would  do  so,  and  awaited  in  anx- 
ious impatience  the  fulfilment  of  their  prognostics.  But 
the  untoward  planet  pertinaciously  continued  her  course, 
notwithstanding  that  she  had  reason,  philosophy,  and  a 
whole  university  of  learned  professors  opposed  to  her 
conduct.  The  philosophers  took  this  in  very  ill  part,  and 
it  is  thought  they  would  never  have  pardoned  the  slight 
and  affront  which  they  conceived  put  upon  them  by  the 
world,  had  not  a  good-natured  professor  kindly  officiated 
as  a  mediator  between  the  parties,  and  effected  a  recon- 
ciliation. 

Finding  the  world  would  not  accommodate  itself  to  the 
theory,  he  wisely  determined  to  accommodate  the  theory 
to  the  world  ;  he  therefore  informed  his  brother  philoso- 
phers, that  the  circular  motion  of  the  earth  round  the 
sun  was  no  sooner  engendered  by  the  conflicting  impulses 
above  described,  than  it  became  a  regular  revolution, 
independent  of  the  causes  which  gave  it  origin.  His 


THE   WAYS  OF  THE  WOULD.  37 

learned  brethren  readily  joined  in  the  opinion,  being 
heartily  glad  of  any  explanation  that  would  decently  ex- 
tricate them  from  their  embarrassment ;  and  ever  since 
that  memorable  era  the  world  has  been  left  to  take  her 
own  course,  and  to  revolve  around  the  sun  in  such  orbit 
as  she  thinks  proper. 


CHAPTER  H 

COSMOGONY,  OR  CREATION  OF  THE  WORLD  ;  WITH  A  MULTITUDE  OF  EXCELLENT 
THEORIES,  BY  WHICH  THE  CREATION  OF  A  WORLD  IS  SHOWN  TO  BE  NO  SUCH 
DIFFICULT  MATTER  AS  COMMON  FOLK  WOULD  IMAGINE. 

AVING  thus  briefly  introduced  my  reader  to 
tlie  world,  and  given  him  some  idea  of  its  form 
and  situation,  he  will  naturally  be  curious  to 
know  from  whence  it  came,  and  how  it  was  created.  And, 
indeed,  the  clearing  up  of  these  points  is  absolutely  es- 
sential to  my  history,  inasmuch  as  if  this  world  had  not 
been  formed,  it  is  more  than  probable  that  this  renowned 
island,  on  which  is  situated  the  city  of  New  York,  would 
never  have  had  an  existence.  The  regular  course  of  my 
history,  therefore,  requires  that  I  should  proceed  to  no- 
tice the  cosmogony  or  formation  of  this  our  globe. 

And  now  I  give  my  readers  fair  warning  that  I  am 
about  to  plunge,  for  a  chapter  or  two,  into  as  complete  a 
labyrinth  as  ever  historian  was  perplexed  withal ;  there- 
fore, I  advise  them  to  take  fast  hold  of  my  skirts,  and  keep 
close  at  my  heels,  venturing  neither  to  the  right  hand 
nor  to  the  left,  lest  they  get  bemired  in  a  slough  of  unin- 
telligible learning,  or  have  their  brains  knocked  out  by 
some  of  those  hard  Greek  names  which  will  be  flying 

38 


DIVERS  THEORIES.  39 

about  in  all  directions.  But  should  any  of  them  be  too 
indolent  or  chicken-hearted  to  accompany  me  in  this 
perilous  undertaking,  they  had  better  take  a  short  cut 
round,  and  wait  for  me  at  the  beginning  of  some  smoother 
chapter. 

Of  the  creation  of  the  world,  we  have  a  thousand  con- 
tradictory accounts ;  and  though  a  very  satisfactory  one 
is  furnished  us  by  divine  revelation,  yet  every  philoso- 
pher feels  himself  in  honor  bound  to  furnish  us  with  a 
better.  As  an  impartial  historian  I  consider  it  my  duty 
to  notice  their  several  theories,  by  which  mankind  have 
be^n  so  exceedingly  edified  and  instructed. 

Thus  it  was  the  opinion  of  certain  ancient  sages,  that 
the  earth  and  the  whole  system  of  the  universe  was  the 
Deity  himself;*  a  doctrine  most  strenuously  maintained 
by  Zenophanes  and  the  whole  tribe  of  Eleatics,  as  als.o  by 
Strabo  and  the  sect  of  peripatetic  philosophers.  Pythag- 
oras likewise  inculcated  the  famous  numerical  system  of 
the  monad,  dyad,  and  triad,  and  by  means  of  his  sacred 
quaternary  elucidated  the  formation  of  the  world,  the 
arcana  of  nature,  and  the  principles  both  of  music  and 
morals.f  Other  sages  adhered  to  the  mathematical  sys- 
tem of  squares  and  triangles ;  the  cube,  the  pyramid,  and 
the  sphere ;  the  tetrahedron,  the  octahedron,  the  icosahe- 
dron,  and  the  dodecahedron.^:  While  others  advocated 

*  Aristot.  ap.  Cic.  lib.  i.  cap.  3. 

•'•  Aristot.  Metaph.  lib.  i.  c.  5.     Idem,  de  Ccelo.  1.  iii.  c.  1.     Rousseau 
Mem.  sur  Musique  ancien.  p.  39.    Plutarch  de  Plac.  Philos.  lib.  i.  cap.  3. 
\  Tim.  Locr.  ap.  Plato,  t.  iii.  p.  90. 


40  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YOItK. 

the  great  elementary  theory  which  refers  the  construc- 
tion of  our  globe  and  all  that  it  contains  to  the  combina- 
tions of  four  material  elements :  air,  earth,  fire,  and  water, 
with  the  assistance  of  a  fifth,  an  immaterial  and  vivifying 
principle. 

Nor  must  I  omit  to  mention  the  great  atomic  system 
taught  by  old  Moschus,  before  the  siege  of  Troy ;  revived 
by  Democritus  of  laughing  memory ;  improved  by  Epi- 
curus, that  king  of  good  fellows,  and  modernized  by  the 
fanciful  Descartes.  But  I  decline  inquiring  whether  the 
atoms,  of  which  the  earth  is  said  to  be  composed,  are 
eternal  or  recent;  whether  they  are  animate  or  inani- 
mate ;  whether,  agreeably  to  the  opinion  of  the  atheists, 
they  were  fortuitously  aggregated,  or,  as  the  theists  main- 
tain, were  arranged  by  a  supreme  intelligence.*  Whether, 
in  fact,  the  earth  be  an  insensate  clod,  or  whether  it  be 
animated  by  a  soul;t  which  opinion  was  strenuously 
maintained  by  a  host  of  philosophers,  at  the  head  of 
whom  stands  the  great  Plato,  that  temperate  sage,  who 
threw  the  cold  water  of  philosophy  on  the  form  of  sexual 
intercourse,  and  inculcated  the  doctrine  of  Platonic  love, 
— an  exquisitely  refined  intercourse,  but  much  better 
adapted  to  the  ideal  inhabitants  of  his  imaginary  island 
of  Atlantis  than  to  the  sturdy  race,  composed  of  rebel- 

*  Aristot.  Nat.  Auscult.  1.  ii.  cap.  6.  Aristopk.  Metaph.  lib.  i.  cap. 
3.  Cic.  de  Nat.  Deor.  lib.  i.  cap.  10.  Justin  Mart.  prat,  ad  gent.  p. 
30. 

f  Mosheim  in  Cudw.  lib.  i.  cap.  4.  Tim.  de  anim.  mund.  sp.  Plat, 
lib.  iii.  Mem.  de  1'Acad.  des  Belles-Lettr.  t.  xxxii.  p,  19,  et  al. 


DIVERS  THEORIES.  41 

lious  flesh  and  blood,  which  populates  the  little  matter- 
of-fact  island  we  inhabit. 

Beside  these  systems,  we  have,  moreover,  the  poetical 
theogony  of  old  Hesiod,  who  generated  the  whole  uni- 
verse in  the  regular  mode  of  procreation,  and  the  plaus- 
ible opinion  of  others,  that  the  earth  was  hatched  from 
the  great  egg  of  night,  which  floated  in  chaos,  and  was 
cracked  by  the  horns  of  the  celestial  bull.  To  illustrate 
this  last  doctrine,  Burnet,  in  his  theory  of  the  earth,* 
has  favored  us  with  an  accurate  drawing  and  description, 
both  of  the  form  and  texture  of  this  mundane  egg ;  which 
is  found  to  bear  a  marvellous  resemblance  to  that  of  a 
goose.  Such  of  my  readers  as  take  a  proper  interest  in 
the  origin  of  this  our  planet,  will  be  pleased  to  learn  that 
the  most  profound  sages  of  antiquity  among  the  Egyp- 
tians, Chaldeans,  Persians,  Greeks,  and  Latins,  have 
alternately  assisted  at  the  hatching  of  this  strange  bird, 
and  that  their  cacklings  have  been  caught,  and  continued 
in  different  tones  and  inflections,  from  philosopher  to 
philosopher,  unto  the  present  day. 

But  while  briefly  noticing  long  celebrated  systems  of 
ancient  sages,  let  me  not  pass  over  with  neglect  those  of 
other  philosophers ;  which,  though  less  universal  and 
renowned,  have  equal  claims  to  attention,  and  equal 
chance  for  correctness.  Thus,  it  is  recorded  by  the 
Brahmins,  in  the  pages  of  their  inspired  Shastah,  that 

*  Book  i.  ch.  5. 


42  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

the  angel  Bistnoo  transforming  himself  into  a  great  boar, 
plunged  into  the  watery  abyss,  and  brought  up  the  earth 
on  his  tusks.  Then  issued  from  him  a  mighty  tortoise, 
and  a  mighty  snake ;  and  Bistnoo  placed  the  snake  erect 
upon  the  back  of  the  tortoise,  and  he  placed  the  earth 
upon  the  head  of  the  snake.* 

The  negro  philosophers  of  Congo  affirm  that  the  world 
was  made  by  the  hands  of  angels,  excepting  their  own 
country,  which  the  Supreme  Being  constructed  himself, 
that  it  might  be  supremely  excellent.  And  he  took  great 
pains  with  the  inhabitants,  and  made  them  very  black, 
and  beautiful ;  and  when  he  had  finished  the  first  man, 
he  was  well  pleased  with  him,  and  smoothed  him  over 
the  face,  and  hence  his  nose,  and  the  nose  of  all  his  de- 
scendants, became  flat. 

The  Mohawk  philosophers  tell  us  that  a  pregnant  wo- 
man fell  down  from  heaven,  and  that  a  tortoise  took  her 
upon  its  back,  because  every  place  was  covered  with 
water;  and  that  the  woman,  sitting  upon  the  tortoise, 
paddled  with  her  hands  in  the  water,  and  raked  up  the 
earth,  whence  it  finally  happened  that  the  earth  became 
higher  than  the  water,  t  / 

But  I  forbear  to  quote  a  number  more  of  these  ancient 
and  outlandish  philosophers,  whose  deplorable  ignorance, 
in  despite  of  all  their  erudition,  compelled  t'  m  to  write 

*  Hoi  well.  Gent.  Philosophy. 

f  Johannes  Megapolensis,  Jun.  Account  of  Maquaas  or  Mohawk 
Indians. 


DIVERS   THEORIES.  43 

in  languages  which  but  few  of  my  readers  can  under- 
stand ;  and  I  shall  proceed  briefly  to  notice  a  few  more 
intelligible  and  fashionable  theories  of  their  modern  suc- 
cessors. 

And,  first,  I  shall  mention  the  great  Buffon,  who  con- 
jectures that  this  globe  was  originally  a  globe  of  liquid 
fire,  scintillated  from  the  body  of  the  sun,  by  the  percus- 
sion of  a  comet,  as  a  spark  is  generated  by  the  collision 
of  flint  and  steel.  That  at  first  it  was  surrounded  by 
gross  vapors,  which,  cooling  and  condensing  in  process  of 
time,  constituted,  according  to  their  densities,  earth,  water, 
and  air ;  which  gradually  arranged  themselves,  according 
to  their  respective  gravities,  round  the  burning  or  vitri- 
fied mass  that  formed  their  centre. 

Hutton,  on  the  contrary,  supposes  that  the  waters  at 
first  were  universally  paramount ;  and  he  terrifies  himself 
with  the  idea  that  the  earth  must  be  eventually  washed 
away  by  the  force  of  rain,  rivers,  and  mountain  torrents, 
until  it  is  confounded  with  the  ocean,  or,  in  other  words 
absolutely  dissolves  into  itself.  Sublime  idea!  far  sur- 
passing that  of  the  tender-hearted  damsel  of  antiquity, 
who  wept  herself  into  a  fountain ;  or  the  good  dame  of 
Narbonne  in  France,  who,  for  a  volubility  of  tongue  un-l 
usual  in  her  sex,  was  doomed  to  peel  five  hundred  thou- 
sand and  thirty-nine  ropes  of  onions,  and  actually  run 
out  at  her  eyes  before  half  the  hideous  task  was  accom- 
plished. 

Whiston,  the  same  ingenious  philosopher  who  rivalled 


44  HI8TORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

Ditton  in  his  researches  after  the  longitude  (for  which 
the  mischief-loving  Swift  discharged  on  their  heads  a 
most  savory  stanza)  has  distinguished  himself  by  a  very 
admirable  theory  respecting  the  earth.  He  conjectures 
that  it  was  originally  a  chaotic  comet,  which  being  selected 
for  the  abode  of  man,  was  removed  from  its  eccentric 
orbit,  and  whirled  round  the  sun  in  its  present  regular 
motion ;  by  which  change  of  direction,  order  succeeded 
to  confusion  in  the  arrangement  of  its  component  parts. 
The  philosopher  adds,  that  the  deluge  was  produced  by 
an  uncourteous  salute  from  the  watery  tail  of  another 
comet;  doubtless  through  sheer  envy  of  its  improved 
condition ;  thus  furnishing  a  melancholy  proof  that  jeal- 
ousy may  prevail,  even  among  the  heavenly  bodies,  and 
discord  interrupt  that  celestial  harmony  of  the  spheres, 
so  melodiously  sung  by  the  poets. 

But  I  pass  over  a  variety  of  excellent  theories,  among 
which  are  those  of  Burnet,  and  Woodward,  and  White- 
hurst  ;  regretting  extremely  that  my  time  will  not  suffer 
me  to  give  them  the  notice  they  deserve, — and  shall 
conclude  with  that  of  the  renowned  Dr.  Darwin.  This 
learned  Theban,  who  is  as  much  distinguished  for  rhyme 
as  reason,  and  for  good-natured  credulity  as  serious  re- 
search, and  who  has  recommended  himself  wonderfully 
to  the  good  graces  of  the  ladies,  by  letting  them  into  all 
the  gallantries,  amours,  debaucheries,  and  other  topics 
of  scandal  of  the  court  of  Flora,  has  fallen  upon  a  theory 
worthy  of  his  combustible  imagination.  According  to 


THE  CONVENIENCE  OF  COMETS.  45 

his  opinion,  the  huge  mass  of  chaos  took  a  sudden  occa- 
sion to  explode,  like  a  barrel  of  gunpowder,  and  in  that 
act  exploded  the  sun, — which  in  its  flight,  by  a  similar 
convulsion,  exploded  the  earth,  which  in  like  guise  ex- 
ploded the  moon, — and  thus  by  a  concatenation  of  ex- 
plosions, the  whole  solar  system  was  produced,  and  set 
most  systematically  in  motion !  * 

By  the  great  variety  of  theories  here  alluded  to,  every 
one  of  which,  if  thoroughly  examined,  will  be  found  sur- 
prisingly consistent  in  all  its  parts,  my  unlearned  readers 
will  perhaps  be  led  to  conclude,  that  the  creation  of  a 
world  is  not  so  difficult  a  task  as  they  at  first  imagined. 
I  have  shown  at  least  a  score  of  ingenious  methods  in 
which  a  world  could  be  constructed;  and  I  have  no 
doubt,  that,  had  any  of  the  philosophers  above  quoted 
the  use  of  a  good  manageable  comet,  and  the  philosophi- 
cal warehouse  chaos  at  his  command,  he  would  engage  to 
manufacture  a  planet  as  good,  or,  if  you  would  take  his 
word  for  it,  better  than  this  we  inhabit. 

And  here  I  cannot  help  noticing  the  kindness  of  Provi- 
dence, in  creating  comets  for  the  great  relief  of  bewil- 
dered philosophers.  By  their  assistance  more  sudden 
evolutions  and  transitions  are  effected  in  the  system  of 
nature  than  are  wrought  in  a  pantomimic  exhibition  by 
the  wonder-working  sword  of  Harlequin.  Should  one  of 
our  modern  sages,  in  his  theoretical  flights  among  the 

*  Darw.  Bot.  Garden,  Part  I.  Cant.  i.  1.  105. 


46  UKTOHY  OF  NEW    YOKK. 

stars,  ever  find  himself  lost  in  the  clouds,  and  in  danger 
of  tumbling  into  the  abyss  of  nonsense  and  absurdity, 
he  has  but  to  seize  a  comet  by  the  beard,  mount  astride 
of  his  tail,  and  away  he  gallops  in  triumph,  like  an  en- 
chanter on  his  hyppogriff,  or  a  Connecticut  witch  on  her 
broomstick,  "  to  sweep  the  cobwebs  out  of  the  sky." 

It  is  an  old  and  vulgar  saying  about  a  "beggar  on 
horseback,"  which  I  would  not  for  the  world  have  ap- 
plied to  these  reverend  philosophers ;  but  I  must  confess 
that  some  of  them,  when  they  are  mounted  on  one  of 
those  fiery  steeds,  are  as  wild  in  their  curvetings  as  was 
Phaeton  of  yore,  when  he  aspired  to  manage  the  chariot 
of  Phoebus.  One  drives  his  comet  at  full  speed  against 
the  sun,  and  knocks  the  world  out  of  him  with  the 
mighty  concussion ;  another,  more  moderate,  makes  his 
comet  a  kind  of  beast  of  burden,  carrying  the  sun  a  regu- 
lar supply  of  food  and  fagots ;  a  third,  of  more  combus- 
tible disposition,  threatens  to  throw  his  comet,  like  a 
bomb-shell,  into  the  world,  and  blow  it  up  like  a  powder- 
magazine  ;  while  a  fourth,  with  no  great  delicacy  to  this 
planet  and  its  inhabitants,  insinuates  that  some  day  or 
other  his  comet — my  modest  pen  blushes  while  I  write 
it — shall  absolutely  turn  tail  upon  our  world,  and  deluge 
it  with  water !  Surely,  as  I  have  alreadv  observed, 
comets  were  bountifully  provided  by  Providence  for  the 
benefit  of  philosophers,  to  assist  them  in  manufacturing 
theories. 

And  now,  having  adduced  several  of  the  most  promi- 


AMUSEMENTS  OF  PHILOSOPHERS.  47 

nent  theories  that  occur  to  my  recollection,  I  leave  my 
judicious  readers  at  full  liberty  to  choose  among  them. 
They  are  all  serious  speculations  of  learned  men, — all 
differ  essentially  from  each  other, — and  all  have  the 
same  title  to  belief.  It  has  ever  been  the  task  of  one 
race  of  philosophers  to  demolish  the  works  of  their  pre- 
decessors, and  elevate  more  splendid  fantasies  in  their 
stead,  which  in  their  turn  are  demolished  and  replaced 
by  the  air-castles  of  a  succeeding  generation.  Thus  it 
would  seem  that  knowledge  and  genius,  of  which  we 
make  such  great  parade,  consist  but  in  detecting  the 
errors  and  absurdities  of  those  who  have  gone  before, 
and  devising  new  errors  and  absurdities,  to  be  detected 
by  those  who  are  to  come  after  us.  Theories  are  the 
mighty  soap-bubbles  with  which  the  grown-up  children 
of  science  amuse  themselves, — while  the  honest  vulgar 
stand  gazing  in  stupid  admiration,  and  dignify  these 
learned  vagaries  with  the  name  of  wisdom !  Surely, 
Socrates  was  right  in  his  opinion,  that  philosophers  are 
but  a  soberer  sort  of  madmen,  busying  themselves  in 
things  totally  incomprehensible,  or  which,  if  they  could 
be  comprehended,  would  be  found  not  worthy  the  trouble 
of  discovery. 

For  my  own  part,  until  the  learned  have  come  to  an 
agreement  among  themselves,  I  shall  content  myself  with 
the  account  handed  down  to  us  by  Moses ;  in  which  I 
do  but  follow  the  example  of  our  ingenious  neighbors  of 
Connecticut ;  who  at  their  first  settlement  proclaimed, 


48  BISTORT  OF  NEW   YORK. 

that  the  colony  should  be  governed  by  the  laws  of  God 
— until  they  had  time  to  make  better. 

One  thing,  however,  appears  certain, — from  the  unani- 
mous authority  of  the  before-quoted  philosophers,  sup- 
ported by  the  evidence  of  our  own  senses,  (which,  though 
very  apt  to  deceive  us,  may  be  cautiously  admitted  as 
additional  testimony,) — it  appears,  I  say,  and  I  make  the 
assertion  deliberately,  without  fear  of  contradiction,  that 
this  globe  really  was  created,  and  that  it  is  composed  of 
land  and  ivater.  It  farther  appears  that  it  is  curiously 
divided  and  parcelled  out  into  continents  and  islands, 
among  which  I  boldly  declare  the  renowned  ISLAND  OF 
NEW  YOBK  will  be  found  by  any  one  who  seeks  for  it  in 
its  proper  place. 


' 


CHAPTEK  HI. 

HOW  THAT  FAMOUS  NAVIGATOR,  NOAH,  WAS  SHAMEFULLY  NICKNAMED,  AND 
HOW  HE  COMMITTED  AN  UNPARDONABLE  OVERSIGHT  IN  NOT  HAVING  FOUR 
SONS  ;  WITH  THE  GREAT  TROUBLE  OF  PHILOSOPHERS  CAUSED  THEREBY, 
AND  THE  DISCOVERY  OF  AMERICA. 

OAH,  who  is  the  first  seafaring  man  we  read 
of,  begat  three  sons :  Shem,  Ham,  and  Japhet. 
Authors,  it  is  true,  are  not  wanting,  who  affirm 
that  the  patriarch  had  a  number  of  other  children. 
Thus,  Berosus  makes  him  father  of  the  gigantic  Titans ; 
Methodius  gives  him  a  son  called  Jonithus,  or  Jonicus ; 
and  others  have  mentioned  a  son,  named  Thuiscon,  from 
whom  descended  the  Teutons  or  Teutonic,  or  in  other 
words,  the  Dutch  nation. 

I  regret  exceedingly  that  the  nature  of  my  plan  will 
not  permit  me  to  gratify  the  laudable  curiosity  of  my 
readers,  by  investigating  minutely  the  history  of  the  great 
Noah.  Indeed,  such  an  undertaking  would  be  attended 
with  more  trouble  than  many  people  would  imagine,  for 
the  good  old  patriarch  seems  to  have  been  a  great  travel- 
ler in  his  day,  and  to  have  passed  under  a  different  name 
in  every  country  that  he  visited.  The  Chaldeans,  for 
instance,  give  us  his  story,  merely  altering  his  name  into 
4  49 


50  HISTOET  OF  NEW  YORK. 

Xisuthrus, — a  trivial  alteration,  which,  to  an  historian, 
skilled  in  etymologies,  will  appear  wholly  unimportant. 
It  appears,  likewise,  that  he  had  exchanged  his  tarpaulin 
and  quadrant  among  the  Chaldeans  for  the  gorgeous  in- 
signia of  royalty,  and  appears  as  a  monarch  in  their 
annals.  The  Egyptians  celebrate  him  under  the  name  of 
Osiris ;  the  Indians  as  Menu ;  the  Greek  and  Roman 
writers  confound  him  with  Ogyges,  and  the  Theban  with 
Deucalion  and  Saturn.  But  the  Chinese,  who  deservedly 
rank  among  the  most  extensive  and  authentic  historians, 
inasmuch  as  they  have  known  the  world  much  longer 
than  any  one  else,  declare  that  Noah  was  no  other  than 
Fohi;  and  what  gives  this  assertion  some  air  of  credi- 
bility is,  that  it  is  a  fact,  admitted  by  the  most  enlight- 
ened literati,  that  Noah  travelled  into  China,  at  the  time 
of  the  building  of  the  tower  of  Babel  (probably  to  im- 
prove himself  in  the  study  of  languages),  and  the  learned 
Dr.  Shackford  gives  us  the  additional  information,  that 
the  ark  rested  on  a  mountain  on  the  frontiers  of  China. 

From  this  mass  of  rational  conjectures  and  sage  hy- 
potheses, many  satisfactory  deductions  might  be  drawn ; 
but  I  shall  content  myself  with  the  simple  fact  stated  in 
the  Bible,  viz. :  that  Noah  begat  three  sons,  Shem,  Ham, 
and  Japhet.  It  is  astonishing  on  what  remote  and  ob- 
scure contingencies  the  great  affairs  of  this  world  de- 
pend, and  how  events  the  most  distant,  and  to  the  com- 
mon observer  unconnected,  are  inevitably  consequent  the 
one  to  the  other.  It  remains  to  the  philosopher  to  dis- 


NOAH'S  SONS.  51 

cover  these  mysterious  affinities,  and  it  is  the  proudest 
triumph  of  his  skill,  to  detect  and  drag  forth  some  latent 
chain  of  causation  which  at  first  sight  appears  a  paradox 
to  the  inexperienced  observer.  Thus  many  of  my  read- 
ers will  doubtless  wonder  what  connection  the  family  of 
Noah  can  possibly  have  with  this  history, — and  many 
will  stare  when  informed,  that  the  whole  history  of  this 
quarter  of  the  world  has  taken  its  character  and  course 
from  the  simple  circumstance  of  the  patriarch's  having 
but  three  sons.  But  to  explain : 

.  Noah,  we  are  told  by  sundry  very  credible  historians, 
becoming  sole  surviving  heir  and  proprietor  of  the  earth, 
in  fee-simple,  after  the  deluge,  like  a  good  father,  por- 
tioned out  his  estate  among  his  children.  To  Shem  he 
gave  Asia ;  to  Ham,  Africa ;  and  to  Japhet,  Europe.  Now 
it  is  a  thousand  times  to  be  lamented  that  he  had  but 
three  sons,  for  had  there  been  a  fourth,  he  would  doubt- 
less have  inherited  America ;  which,  of  course,  would  have 
been  dragged  forth  from  its  obscurity  on  the  occasion ; 
and  thus  many  a  hard-working  historian  and  philosopher 
would  have  been  spared  a  prodigious  mass  of  weary  con- 
jecture respecting  the  first  discovery  and  population  of 
this  country.  Noah,  however,  having  provided  for  his 
three  sons,  looked  in  all  probability  upon  our  country  as 
a  mere  wild  unsettled  land,  and  said  nothing  about  it ; 
and  to  this  unpardonable  taciturnity  of  the  patriarch  may 
we  ascribe  the  misfortune  that  America  did  not  come 
into  the  world  as  early  as  the  other  quarters  of  the  globe. 


52  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

It  is  true,  some  writers  have  vindicated  him  from  this 
misconduct  towards  posterity,  and  asserted  that  he  really 
did  discover  America.  Thus  it  was  the  opinion  of  Mark 
Lescarbot,  a  French  writer,  possessed  of  that  ponderosity 
of  thought,  and  profoundness  of  reflection,  so  peculiar 
to  his  nation,  that  the  immediate  descendants  of  Noah 
peopled  this  quarter  of  the  globe,  and  that  the  old  patri- 
arch himself,  who  still  retained  a  passion  for  the  sea- 
faring life,  superintended  the  transmigration.  The  pious 
and  enlightened  father,  Charlevoix,  a  French  Jesuit,  re- 
markable for  his  aversion  to  the  marvellous,  common  to 
all  great  travellers,  is  conclusively  of  the  same  opinion ; 
nay,  he  goes  still  farther,  and  decides  upon  the  manner 
in  which  the  discovery  was  effected,  which  was  by  sea, 
and  under  the  immediate  direction  of  the  great  Noah. 
"  I  have  already  observed,"  exclaims  the  good  father,  in 
a  tone  of  becoming  indignation,  "  that  it  is  an  arbitrary 
supposition  that  the  grandchildren  of  Noah  were  not  able 
to  penetrate  into  the  new  world,  or  that  they  never 
thought  of  it.  In  effect,  I  can  see  no  reason  that  can 
justify  such  a  notion.  Who  can  seriously  believe  that 
Noah  and  his  immediate  descendants  knew  less  than  we 
do,  and  that  the  builder  and  pilot  of  the  greatest  ship 
that  ever  was, — a  ship  which  was  formed  to  traverse  an 
unbounded  ocean,  and  had  so  many  shoals  and  quick- 
sands to  guard  against,— should  be  ignorant  of,  or  should 
not  have  communicated  to  his  descendants  the  art  of 
sailing  on  the  ocean  ?  "  Therefore,  they  did  sail  on  the 


MORE  CONJECTURES  ABOUT  AMERICA.  53 

ocean ;  therefore,  they  sailed  to  America ;  therefore, 
America  was  discovered  by  Noah ! 

Now  all  this  exquisite  chain  of  reasoning,  which  is  so 
strikingly  characteristic  of  the  good  father,  being  ad- 
dressed to  the  faith,  rather  than  the  understanding,  is 
flatly  opposed  by  Hans  de  Laet,  who  declares  it  a  real 
and  most  ridiculous  paradox  to  suppose  that  Noah  ever 
entertained  the  thought  of  discovering  America ;  and  as 
Hans  is  a  Dutch  writer,  I  am  inclined  to  believe  he  must 
have  been  much  better  acquainted  with  the  worthy  crew 
of  the  ark  than  his  competitors,  and  of  course  possessed 
of  more  accurate  sources  of  information.  It  is  astonish- 
ing how  intimate  histor/ans  do  daily  become  with  the 
patriarchs  and  other  great  men  of  antiquity.  As  inti- 
macy improves  with  time,  and  as  the  learned  are  par- 
ticularly inquisitive  and  familiar  in  their  acquaintance 
with  the  ancients,  I  should  not  be  surprised  if  some 
future  writers  should  gravely  give  us  a  picture  of  men 
and  manners  as  they  existed  before  the  flood,  far  more 
copious  and  accurate  than  the  Bible ;  and  that,  in  the 
course  of  another  century,  the  log-book  of  the  good  Noah 
should  be  as  current  among  historians  as  the  voyages 
of  Captain  Cook,  or  the  renowned  history  of  Kobinson 
Crusoe. 

I  shall  not  occupy  my  time  by  discussing  the  huge 
mass  of  additional  suppositions,  conjectures,  and  proba- 
bilities respecting  the  first  discovery  of  this  country, 
with  which  unhappy  historians  overload  themselves,  in 


54  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

their  endeavors  to  satisfy  the  doubts  of  an  incredulous 
world.  It  is  painful  to  see  these  laborious  wights  pant- 
ing, and  toiling,  and  sweating,  under  an  enormous  bur- 
den, at  the  very  outset  of  Jieir  works,  which,  on  being 
opened,  turns  out  to  be  nothing  but  a  mighty  bundle  of 
straw.  As,  however,  by  unwearied  assiduity,  they  seem 
to  have  established  the  fact,  to  the  satisfaction  of  all  the 
world,  that  this  country  has  been  discovered,  I  shall  avail 
myself  of  their  useful  labors  to  be  extremely  brief  upon 
this  point. 

I  shall  not,  therefore,  stop  to  inquire,  whether  America 
was  first  discovered  by  a  wandering  vessel  of  that  cele- 
brated Phoenician  fleet,  which,  according  to  Herodotus, 
circumnavigated  Africa  ;  or  by  that  Carthaginian  expedi- 
tion, which  Pliny,  the  naturalist,  informs  us,  discovered 
the  Canary  Islands  ;  or  whether  it  was  settled  by  a  tem- 
porary colony  from  Tyre,  as  hinted  by  Aristotle  and 
Seneca.  I  shall  neither  inquire  whether  it  was  first 
discovered  by  the  Chinese,  as  Vossius  with  great  shrewd- 
ness advances;  nor  by  the  Norwegians  in  1002,  under 
Biorn;  nor  by  Behem,  the  German  navigator,  as  Mr. 
Otto  has  endeavored  to  prove  to  the  savans  of  the  learned 
city  of  Philadelphia. 

Nor  shall  I  investigate  the  more  modern  claims  of  the 
Welsh,  founded  on  the  voyage  of  Prince  Madoc  in  the 
eleventh  century,  who  having  never  returned,  it  has  since 
been  wisely  concluded  that  he  must  have  gone  to  Amer- 
ica, and  that  for  a  plain  reason, — if  he  did  not  go  there, 


CHRISTOVAL  COLON.  55 

where  else  could  he  have  gone? — a  question  which  most 
socratically  shuts  out  all  farther  dispute. 

Laying  aside,  therefore,  all  the  conjectures  above  men- 
tioned, with  a  multitude  of  others,  equally  satisfactory,  I 
shall  take  for  granted  the  vulgar  opinion,  that  America 
was  discovered  on  the  12th  of  October,  1492,  by  Christo- 
val  Colon,  a  Genoese,  who  has  been  clumsily  nicknamed 
Columbus,  but  for  what  reason  I  cannot  discern.  Of  the 
voyages  and  adventures  of  this  Colon,  I  shall  say  nothing, 
seeing  that  they  are  already  sufficiently  known.  Nor 
shall  I  undertake  to  prove  that  this  country  should  have 
been  called  Colonia,  after  his  name,  that  being  notori- 
ously self-evident. 

Having  thus  happily  got  my  readers  on  this  side  of 
the  Atlantic,  I  picture  them  to  myself  all  impatience 
to  enter  upon  the  enjoyment  of  the  land  of  promise, 
and  in  full  expectation  that  I  will  immediately  de- 
liver it  into  their  possession.  But  if  I  do  may  I 
ever  forfeit  the  reputation  of  a  regular-bred  histori- 
an !  No — no, — most  curious  and  thrice  learned  read- 
ers, (for  thrice  learned  yc  are  if  ye  have  read  all  that 
has  gone  before,  and  nine  times  learned  shall  ye  be  if 
ye  read  that  which  comes  after,)  we  have  yet  a  world 
of  work  before  us.  Think  you  the  first  discoverers 
of  this  fair  quarter  of  the  globe  had  nothing  to  do  but 
go  on  shore  and  find  a  country  ready  laid  out  and 
cultivated  like  a  garden,  wherein  they  might  revel  at 
their  ease  ?  .  No  such  thing :  they  had  forests  to  cut 


56  BISTORT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

down,  underwood  to  grub   up,  marshes   to   drain,  and 
savages  to  exterminate. 

In  like  manner,  I  have  sundry  doubts  to  clear  away, 
questions  to  resolve,  and  paradoxes  to  explain,  before  I 
permit  you  to  range  at  random ;  but  these  difficulties 
once  overcome,  we  shall  be  enabled  to  jog  on  right  mer- 
rily through  the  rest  of  our  history.  Thus  my  work 
shall,  in  a  manner,  echo  the  nature  of  the  subject,  in  the 
same  manner  as  the  sound  of  poetry  has  been  found  by 
certain  shrewd  critics  to  echo  the  sense, — this  being  an 
improvement  in  history  which  I  claim  the  merit  of  having 
invented. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

SHOWING  THE  GREAT  DIFFICULTY  PHILOSOPHERS  HAVE  HAD  IN  PEOPLIHG 
AMERICA  J  AND  HOW  THE  ABORIGINES  CAME  TO  BE  BEGOTTEN  BY  ACCI- 
DENT— TO  THE  GREAT  RELIEF  AND  SATISFACTION  OF  THE  AUTHOR. 

HE  next  inquiry  at  which  we  arrive  in  the 
regular  course  of  our  history  is  to  ascertain, 
if  possible,  how  this  country  was  originally 
peopled, — a  point  fruitful  of  incredible  embarrassments ; 
for  unless  we  prove  that  the  Aborigines  did  absolutely 
corne  from  somewhere,  it  will  be  immediately  asserted,  in 
this  age  of  skepticism,  that  they  did  not  come  at  all ;  and 
if  they  did  not  come  at  all,  then  was  this  country  never 
populated, — a  conclusion  perfectly  agreeable  to  the  rules 
of  logic,  but  wholly  irreconcilable  to  every  feeling  of 
humanity,  inasmuch  as  it  must  syllogistically  prove  fatal 
to  the  innumerable  Aborigines  of  this  populous  region. 

To  avert  so  dire  a  sophism,  and  to  rescue  from  logical 
annihilation  so  many  millions  of  fellow-creatures,  how 
many  wings  of  geese  have  been  plundered !  what  oceans 
of  ink  have  been  benevolently  drained!  and  how  many 
capacious  heads  of  learned  historians  have  been  addled, 
and  forever  confounded!  I  pause  with  reverential  awe, 
when  I  contemplate  the  ponderous  tomes,  in  different 


58  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

languages,  with  which  they  have  endeavored  to  solve  this 
question,  so  important  to  the  happiness  of  society,  but  so 
involved  in  clouds  of  impenetrable  obscurity. 

Historian  after  historian  has  engaged  in  the  endless 
circle  of  hypothetical  argument,  and  after  leading  us  a 
weary  chase  through  octavos,  quartos,  and  folios,  has  let 
us  out  at  the  end  of  his  work  just  as  wise  as  we  were 
at  the  beginning.  It  was  doubtless  some  philosophical 
wild-goose  chase  of  the  kind  that  made  the  old  poet 
Macrobius  rail  in  such  a  passion  at  curiosity,  which  he 
anathematizes  most  heartily  as  "an  irksome  agonizing 
care,  a  superstitious  industry  about  unprofitable  things, 
an  itching  humor  to  see  what  is  not  to  be  seen,  and  to  be 
doing  what  signifies  nothing  when  it  is  done."  But  to 
proceed. 

Of  the  claims  of  the  children  of  Noah  to  the  original 
population  of  this  country  I  shall  say  nothing,  as  they 
have  already  been  touched  upon  in  my  last  chapter.  The 
claimants  next  in  celebrity  are  the  descendants  of  Abra- 
ham. Thus,  Christoval  Colon  (vulgarly  called  Columbus) 
when  he  first  discovered  the  gold  mines  of  Hispaniola, 
immediately  concluded,  with  a  shrewdness  that  would 
have  done  honor  to  a  philosopher,  that  he  had  found  the 
ancient  Ophir,  from  whence  Solomon  procured  the  gold 
for  embellishing  the  temple  at  Jerusalem;  nay,  Colon 
even  imagined  that  he  saw  the  remains  of  furnaces  of 
veritable  Hebraic  construction,  employed  in  refining  the 
precious  ore. 


HANS  DE  LAET.  59 

So  golden  a  conjecture,  tinctured  with  such  fascinating 
extravagance,  was  too  tempting  not  to  be  immediately 
snapped  at  by  the  gudgeons  of  learning;  and,  accord- 
ingly, there  were  divers  profound  writers  ready  to  swear 
to  its  correctness,  and  to  bring  in  their  usual  load  of  au- 
thorities, and  wise  surmises,  wherewithal  to  prop  it  up. 
Vetablus  and  Eobertus  Stephens  declared  nothing  could 
be  more  clear ;  Arius  Montanus,  without  the  least  hesi- 
tation, asserts  that  Mexico  was  the  true  Ophir,  and  the 
Jews  the  early  settlers  of  the  country ;  while  Possevin, 
Becan,  and  several  other  sagacious  writers,  lug  in  a  sup- 
posed prophecy  of  the  fourth  book  of  Esdras,  which  being 
inserted  in  the  mighty  hypothesis,  like  the  key-stone  of 
an  arch,  gives  it,  in  their  opinion,  perpetual  durability. 

Scarce,  however,  have  they  completed  their  goodly  su- 
perstructure, than  in  trudges  a  phalanx  of  opposite  au- 
thors, with  Hans  de  Laet,  the  great  Dutchman,  at  their 
head,  and  at  one  blow  tumbles  the  whole  fabric  about 
their  ears.  Hans,  in  fact,  contradicts  outright  all  the  Is- 
raelitish  claims  to  the  first  settlement  of  this  country,  at- 
tributing all  those  equivocal  symptoms,  and  traces  of 
Christianity  and  Judaism,  which  have  been  said  to  be 
found  in  divers  provinces  of  the  new  world,  to  the  Devil, 
who  has  always  affected  to  counterfeit  the  worship  of  the 
true  Deity.  "A  remark,"  says  the  knowing  old  Padre 
d'Acosta,  "  made  by  all  good  authors  who  have  spoken  of 
the  religion  of  nations  newly  discovered,  and  founded  be- 
sides on  the  authority  of  the  fathers  of  the  church."  Some 


60  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK:. 

writers  again,  among  whom  it  is  with  much  regret  I  am 
compelled  to  mention  Lopez  de  Gomara,  and  Juan  de 
Leri,  insinuate  that  the  Canaanites,  being  driven  from 
the  land  of  promise  by  the  Jews,  were  seized  with  such  a 
panic  that  they  fled  without  looking  behind  them,  until 
stopping  to  take  breath,  they  found  themselves  safe  in 
America.  As  they  brought  neither  their  national  lan- 
guage, manners,  nor  features  with  them,  it  is  supposed 
they  left  them  behind  in  the  hurry  of  their  flight ; — I  can- 
not give  my  faith  to  this  opinion. 

I  pass  over  the  supposition  of  the  learnod  Grotius, — • 
who  being  both  an  ambassador  and  a  Dutchman  to  boot, 
is.  entitled  to  great  respect, — that  North  America  v.-as 
peopled  by  a  strolling  company  of  Norwegians,  and  that 
Peru  was  founded  by  a  colony  from  China, — Manco,  or 
Mango  Capac,  the  first  Incas,  being  himself  a  Chinese. 
Nor  shall  I  more  than  barely  mention,  that  father 
Kircher  ascribes  the  settlement  of  America  to  the  Egyp- 
tians, Eudbeck  to  the  Scandinavians,  Charron  to  the 
Gauls,  Juffredus  Petri  to  a  skating  party  from  Fries- 
land,  Milius  to  the  Celtae,  Marinocus  the  Sicilian  to  the 
Romans,  Le  Compte  to  the  Phoanicians,  Postel  to  the 
Moors,  Martyn  d'Angleria  to  the  Abyssinians,  together 
with  the  sage  surmise  of  De  Laet,  that  England,  Ireland, 
and  the  Orcades  may  contend  for  that  honor. 

Nor  will  I  bestow  any  more  attention  or  credit  to  the 
idea  that  America  is  the  fairy  region  of  Zipan^ri,  de- 
scribed by  that  dreaming  traveller,  Marco  Polo,  the  Yene- 


DARWIN'S  TIIEOET.  61 

iian ;  or  that  it  comprises  the  visionary  island  of  Atlantis, 
described  by  Plato.  Neither  will  I  stop  to  investigate  the 
heathenish  assertion  of  Paracelsus,  that  each  hemisphere 
of  the  globe  was  originally  furnished  with  an  Adam  and 
Eve  ;  or  the  more  flattering  opinion  of  Dr.  Komayne,  sup- 
ported by  many  nameless  authorities,  that  Adam  was 
of  the  Indian  race  ;  or  the  startling  conjecture  of  Buffon, 
Helvetius,  and  Darwin,  so  highly  honorable  to  mankind, 
that  the  whole  human  species  is  accidentally  descended 
from  a  remarkable  family  of  monkeys ! 

This  last  conjecture,  I  must  own,  came  upon  me  very 
suddenly  and  very  ungraciously.  I  have  often  beheld  the 
clown  in  a  pantomime,  while  gazing  in  stupid  wonder  at 
the  extravagant  gambols  of  a  harlequin,  all  at  once  elec- 
trified by  a  sudden  stroke  of  the  wooden  sword  across 
his  shoulders.  Little  did  I  think,  at  such  times,  that  it 
would  ever  fall  to  my  lot  to  be  treated  with  equal  dis- 
courtesy, and  that,  while  I  was  quietly  beholding  these 
grave  philosophers,  emulating  the  eccentric  transforma- 
tions of  the  hero  of  pantomime,  they  would  on  a  sudden 
turn  upon  me  and  my  readers,  and  with  one  hypotheti- 
cal flourish  metamorphose  us  into  beasts  !  I  determined 
from  that  moment  not  to  burn  my  fingers  with  any 
more  of  their  theories,  but  content  myself  with  detailing 
the  different  methods  by  which  they  transported  the 
descendants  of  these  ancient  and  respectable  monkeys 
to  this  great  field  of  theoretical  warfare. 

This  was  done  either  by  migrations  by  land  or  trans- 


(32  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

migrations  by  water.  Thus  Padre  Joseph  d'Acosta  enu- 
merates three  passages  by  land;  first,  by  the  north  of 
Europe  ;  secondly,  by  the  north  of  Asia ;  and  thirdly,  by 
regions  southward  of  the  Straits  of  Magellan.  The  learn- 
ed Grotius  marches  his  Norwegians  by  a  pleasant  route 
across  frozen  rivers  and  arms  of  the  sea,  through  Iceland, 
Greenland,  Estotiland,  and  Naremberga;  and  various 
writers,  among  whom  are  Angleria,  De  Hornn,  and  Buf- 
fon,  anxious  for  the  accommodation  of  these  travellers, 
have  fastened  the  two  continents  together  by  a  strong 
chain  of  deductions, — by  which  means  they  could  pass 
over  dry-shod.  But  should  even  this  fail,  Pinkerton,  that 
industrious  old  gentleman,  who  compiles  books,  and 
manufactures  Geographies,  has  constructed  a  natural 
bridge  of  ice,  from  continent  to  continent,  at  the  distance 
of  four  or  five  miles  from  Behring's  Straits, — for  which 
he  is  entitled  to  the  grateful  thanks  of  all  the  wandering 
Aborigines  who  ever  did  or  ever  will  pass  over  it. 

It  is  an  evil  much  to  be  lamented,  that  none  of  the 
worthy  writers  above  quoted  could  ever  commence  his 
work  without  immediately  declaring  hostilities  against 
every  writer  who  had  treated  of  the  same  subject.  In  this 
particular,  authors  may  be  compared  to  a  certain  saga- 
cious bird,  which  in  building  its  nest  is  sure  to  pull  to 
pieces  the  nests  of  all  the  birds  in  its  neighborhood. 
This  unhappy  propensity  tends  grievously  to  impede  the 
progress  of  sound  knowledge.  Theories  are  at  best  but 
brittle  productions,  and  when  once  committed  to  the 


AN  ACCIDENTAL  PEOPLE.  (j.) 

stream,  they  should  take  care  that,  like  the  notable  pots 
which  were  fellow-voyagers,  they  do  not  crack  each  other. 

My  chief  surprise  is,  that  among  the  many  writers  I 
have  noticed,  no  one  has  attempted  to  prove  that  this 
country  was  peopled  from  the  moon, — or  that  the  first  in- 
habitants floated  hither  on  islands  of  ice,  as  white  bears 
cruise  about  the  northern  oceans, — or  that  they  were  con- 
veyed hither  by  balloons,  as  modern  aeronauts  pass  from 
Dover  to  Calais, — or  by  witchcraft,  as  Simon  Magus 
posted  among  the  stars, — or  after  the  manner  of  the  re- 
nowned Scythian  Abaris,  who,  like  the  New  England 
witches  on  full-blooded  broomsticks,  made  most  unheard- 
of  journeys  on  the  back  of  a  golden  arrow,  given  him  by 
the  Hyperborean  Apollo. 

But  there  is  still  one  mode  left  by  which  this  country 
could  have  been  peopled,  which  I  have  reserved  for  the 
last,  because  I  consider  it  worth  all  the  rest :  it  is — by  ac- 
cident! Speaking  of  the  islands  of  Solomon,  New  Guinea, 
and  New  Holland,  the  profound  father  Charlevoix  ob- 
serves, "  in  fine,  all  these  countries  are  peopled,  and  it  is 
possible  some  have  been  so  by  accident.  Now  if  it  could 
have  happened  in  that  manner,  why  might  it  not  have 
been  at  the  same  time,  and  by  the  same  means  with  the 
oilier  parts  of  the  globe?"  This  ingenious  mode  of  deduc- 
ing certain  conclusions  from  possible  premises  is  an  im- 
provement in  syllogistic  skill,  and  proves  the  good  father 
superior  even  to  Archimedes,  for  he  can  turn  the  world 
without  anything  to  rest  his  lever  upon.  It  is  only  sur- 


04  HISTOET  OF  NEW  YORK. 

passed  by  the  dexterity  with  which  the  sturdy  old  Jesuit, 
in  another  place,  cuts  the  gordian  knot: — "Nothing," 
says  he,  "is  more  easy.  The  inhabitants  of  both  hemi- 
spheres are  certainly  the  descendants  of  the  same  father. 
The  common  father  of  mankind  received  an  express  order 
from  Heaven  to  people  the  world,  and  accordingly  it  lias 
been  peopled.  To  bring  this  about,  it  was  necessary  to 
overcome  all  difficulties  in  the  way,  and  they  have  also  been 
overcome  !  "  Pious  logician !  How  does  he  put  all  the  herd 
of  laborious  theorists  to  the  blush,  by  explaining,  in  five 
words,  what  it  has  cost  them  volumes  to  prove  thoy  knew 
nothing  about ! 

From  all  the  authorities  here  quoted,  and  a  variety  of 
others  which  I  have  consulted,  but  which  are  omitted 
through  fear  of  fatiguing  the  unlearned  reader,  I  can  only 
draw  the  following  conclusions,  which  luckily,  however, 
are  sufficient  for  my  purpose.  First,  that  this  part  of  the 
world  has  actually  been  peopled,  (Q.  E.  D.)  to  support 
which  we  have  living  proofs  in  the  numerous  tribes  of 
Indians  that  inhabit  it.  Secondly,  that  it  has  been 
peopled  in  five  hundred  different  ways,  as  proved  by  a 
cloud  of  authors  who,  from  the  positiveness  of  their  as- 
sertions, seem  to  have  been  eye-witnesses  to  the  fact. 
Thirdly,  that  the  people  of  this  country  had  a  variety  of 
fathers,  which,  as  it  may  not  be  thought  much  to  their 
credit  by  the  common  run  of  readers,  the  less  we  say  on 
the  subject  the  better.  The  question,  therefore,  I  trust, 
is  forever  at  rest. 


CHAPTEE  V. 

IN  WHICH  THE  AUTHOR  PUTS  A  MIGHTY  QUESTION  TO  THE  ROUT,  BY  THE 
ASSISTANCE  OF  THE  MAN  IN  THE  MOON, — WHICH  NOT  ONLY  DELIVERS 
THOUSANDS  OF  PEOPLE  FROM  GREAT  EMBARRASSMENT,  BUT  LIKEWISE 
CONCLUDES  THIS  INTRODUCTORY  BOOK. 

HE  writer  of  a  history  may,  in  some  respects, 
be  likened  unto  an  adventurous  knight,  who, 
hiving  undertaken  a  perilous  enterprise  by  way 
of  establishing  his  fame,  feels  bound,  in  honor  and 
chivalry,  to  turn  back  for  no  difficulty  nor  hardship,  and 
never  to  shrink  or  quail,  whatever  enemy  he  may  en- 
counter. Under  this  impression,  I  resolutely  draw  my 
pen,  and  fall  to,  with  might  and  main,  at  those  doughty 
questions  and  subtle  paradoxes,  which,  like  fiery  dragons 
and  bloody  giants,  beset  the  entrance  to  my  history,  and 
would  fain  repulse  me  from  the  very  threshold.  And  at 
this  moment  a  gigantic  question  has  started  up,  which 
I  must  needs  take  by  the  beard  and  utterly  subdue,  be- 
fore I  can  advance  another  step  in  my  historic  under- 
taking ;  but  I  trust  this  will  be  the  last  adversary  I  shall 
have  to  contend  with,  and  that  in  the  next  book  I  shall 
be  enabled  to  conduct  my  readers  in  triumph  into  the 
body  of  my  work. 

5  65 


QQ  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

The  question  which  has  thus  suddenly  arisen  is,  What 
right  had  the  first  discoverers  of  America  to  land  and  take 
possession  of  a  country,  without  first  gaining  the  consent 
of  its  inhabitants,  or  yielding  them  an  adequate  compen- 
sation for  their  territory  ? — a  question  which  has  with- 
stood many  fierce  assaults,  and  has  given  much  distress 
of  mind  to  multitudes  of  kind-hearted  folk.  And  indeed, 
until  it  be  totally  vanquished,  and  put  to  rest,  the  worthy 
people  of  America  can  by  no  means  enjoy  the  soil  they 
inhabit,  with  clear  right  and  title,  and  quiet,  unsullied 
consciences. 

The  first  source  of  right,  by  which  property  is  acquired 
in  a  country,  is  DISCOVEBY.  For  as  all  mankind  have  an 
equal  right  to  anything  which  has  never  before  been  ap- 
propriated, so  any  nation  that  discovers  an  uninhabited 
country,  and  takes  possession  thereof,  is  considered  as 
enjoying  full  property,  and  absolute,  unquestionable  em- 
pire therein.* 

This  proposition  being  admitted,  it  follows  clearly, 
that  the  Europeans  who  first  visited  America  were  the 
real  discoverers  of  the  same ;  nothing  being  necessary  to 
the  establishment  of  this  fact,  but  simply  to  prove  that 
it  was  totally  uninhabited  by  men.  This  would  at  first 
appear  to  be  a  point  of  some  difficulty,  for  it  is  well 
known  that  this  quarter  of  the  world  abounded  with 
certain  animals,  that  walked  erect  on  two  feet,  had  some- 

*  Grotius.     Puffendorff,  b.  v.  c.  4.     Vattel,  b.  i.  c.  18,  &c. 


THE  ABORIGINES.  67 

thing  of  a  human  countenance,  uttered  certain  unintel- 
ligible sounds,  very  much  like  language ;  in  short,  had  a 
marvellous  resemblance  to  human  beings.  But  the  zeal- 
ous and  enlightened  fathers,  who  accompanied  the  dis- 
coverers, for  the  purpose  of  promoting  the  kingdom  of 
heaven  by  establishing  fat  monasteries  and  bishoprics  on 
earth,  soon  cleared  up  this  point,  greatly  to  the  satisfac- 
tion of  his  holiness  the  pope,  and  of  all  Christian  voy- 
agers and  discoverers. 

They  plainly  proved,  and  as  there  were  no  Indian 
writers  arose  on  the  other  side,  the  fact  was  considered 
as  fully  admitted  and  established,  that  the  two-legged 
race  of  animals  before  mentioned  were  mere  cannibals, 
detestable  monsters,  and  many  of  them  giants, — which 
last  description  of  vagrants  have,  since  the  time  of  Gog, 
Magog,  and  Goliath,  been  considered  as  outlaws,  and 
have  received  no  quarter  in  either  history,  chivalry,  or 
song.  Indeed,  even  the  philosophic  Bacon  declared  the 
Americans  to  be  people  proscribed  by  the  laws  of  nature, 
inasmuch  as  they  had  a  barbarous  custom  of  sacrificing 
men,  and  feeding  upon  man's  flesh. 

Nor  are  these  all  the  proofs  of  their  utter  barbarism  : 
among  many  other  writers  of  discernment,  Ulloa  tells  us 
"  their  imbecility  is  so  visible,  that  one  can  hardly  form 
an  idea  of  them  different  from  what  one  has  of  the  brutes. 
Nothing  disturbs  the  tranquillity  of  their  souls,  equally 
insensible  to  disasters  and  to  prosperity.  Though  half 
naked,  they  are  as  contented  as  a  monarch  in  his  most 


68  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

splendid  array.  Fear  makes  no  impression  on  them,  and 
respect  as  little.".  All  this  is  furthermore  supported  by 
the  authority  of  M.  Bouguer.  "  It  is  not  easy,"  says  he, 
"  to  describe  the  degree  of  their  indifference  for  wealth 
and  all  its  advantages.  One  does  not  well  know  what 
motives  to  propose  to  them  when  one  would  persuade 
them  to  any  service.  It  is  vain  to  offer  them  money ; 
they  answer  they  are  not  hungry."  And  Vanegas  con- 
firms the  whole,  assuring  us  that  "  ambition  they  have 
none,  and  are  more  desirous  of  being  thought  strong  than 
valiant.  The  objects  of  ambition  with  us — honor,  fame, 
reputation,  riches,  posts,  and  distinctions — are  unknown 
among  them.  So  that  this  powerful  spring  of  action,  the 
cause  of  so  much  seeming  good  and  real  evil  in  the  world, 
has  no  power  over  them.  In  a  word,  these  unhappy 
mortals  may  be  compared  to  children  in  whom  the  devel- 
opment of  reason  is  not  completed." 

Now  all  these  peculiarities,  although  in  the  most  unen- 
lightened states  of  Greece  they  would  have  entitled  their 
possessors  to  immortal  honor,  as  having  reduced  to  prac- 
tice those  rigid  and  abstemious  maxims,  the  mere  talking 
about  which  acquired  certain  old  Greeks  the  reputation 
of  sages  and  philosophers, — yet,  were  they  clearly  proved 
in  the  present  instance  to  betoken  a  most  abject  and 
brutified  nature,  totally  beneath  the  human  character. 
But  the  benevolent  fathers,  who  had  undertaken  to  turn 
these  unhappy  savages  into  dumb  beasts,  by  dint  of  ar- 
gument, advanced  still  stronger  proofs;  for,  as  certain 


THE  RIGHT  OF  DISCOVERT.  69 

divines  of  the  sixteenth  century,  and  among  the  rest 
Lullus,  affirm, — the  Americans  go  naked,  and  have  no 
beards  !  "  They  have  nothing,"  says  Lullus,  "  of  the  rea- 
sonable animal,  except  the  mask."  And  even  that  mask 
was  allowed  to  avail  them  but  little,  for  it  was  soon  found 
that  they  were  of  a  hideous  copper  complexion:  and 
being  of  a  copper  complexion,  it  was  all  the  same  as  if 
they  were  negroes  :  and  negroes  are  black, — "  and  black," 
said  the  pious  fathers,  devoutly  crossing  themselves,  "  is 
the  color  of  the  Devil!"  Therefore,  so  far  from  being 
able  to  own  property,  they  had  no  right  even  to  personal 
freedom ;  for  liberty  is  too  radiant  a  deity  to  inhabit  such 
gloomy  temples.  All  which  circumstances  plainly  con- 
vinced the  righteous  followers  of  Cortes  and  Pizarro, 
that  these  miscreants  had  no  title  to  the  soil  that  they 
infested, — that  they  were  a  perverse,  illiterate,  dumb, 
beardless,  black-seed, — mere  wild  beasts  of  the  forests, 
and  like  them  should  either  be  subdued  or  exterminated. 

From  the  foregoing  arguments,  therefore,  and  a  variety 
of  others  equally  conclusive,  which  I  forbear  to  enume- 
rate, it  is  clearly  evident  that  this  fair  quarter  of  the 
globe,  when  first  visited  by  Europeans,  was  a  howling 
wilderness,  inhabited  by  nothing  but  wild  beasts ;  and 
that  the  transatlantic  visitors  acquired  an  incontrover- 
tible property  therein  by  the  right  of  discovery. 

This  right  being  fully  established,  we  now  come  to  the 
next,  which  is  the  right  acquired  by  cultivation.  "The 
cultivation  of  the  soil,"  we  are  told,  "is  an  obligation 


70  HISTORY  OF  NE^Y   YORK. 

imposed  by  nature  on  mankind.  The  whole  world  is 
appointed  for  the  nourishment  of  its  inhabitants  ;  but  it 
would  be  incapable  of  doing  it,  was  it  uncultivated. 
Every  nation  is  then  obliged  by  the  law  of  nature  to 
cultivate  the  ground  that  has  fallen  to  its  share.  Those 
people,  like  the  ancient  Germans  and  modern  Tartars, 
who,  having  fertile  countries,  disdain  to  cultivate  the 
earth,  and  choose  to  live  by  rapine,  are  wanting  to  them- 
selves, and  deserve  to  be  exterminated  as  savage  and  perni- 
cious beasts."  * 

Now  it  is  notorious  that  the  savages  knew  nothing  of 
agriculture,  when  first  discovered  by  the  Europeans,  but 
lived  a  most  vagabond,  disorderly,  unrighteous  life, — 
rambling  from  place  to  place,  and  prodigally  rioting 
upon  the  spontaneous  luxuries  of  nature,  without  tasking 
her  generosity  to  yield  them  anything  more ;  whereas  it 
has  been  most  unquestionably  shown,  that  Heaven  in- 
tended the  earth  should  be  ploughed  and  sown,  and 
manured,  and  laid  out  into  cities,  and  towns,  and  farms, 
and  country-seats,  and  pleasure-grounds,  and  public  gar- 
dens ;  all  which  the  Indians  knew  nothin»  about :  there- 

O 

fore,  they  did  not  improve  the  talents  Providence  had 
bestowed  on  them :  therefore,  they  were  careless  stew- 
ards :  therefore,  they  had  no  right  to  the  soil :  therefore, 
they  deserved  to  be  exterminated. 

It  is  true,  the  savages  might  plead  that  they  drew  all 

*  Vattel,  b.  i.  ch.  17. 


THE  RIGHT  BY  CULTIVATION.  71 

the  benefits  from  the  land  which  their  simple  wants 
required, — they  found  plenty  of  game  to  hunt,  which, 
together  with  the  roots  and  uncultivated  fruits  of  the 
earth,  furnished  a  sufficient  variety  for  their  frugal  re- 
pasts,— and  that,  as  Heaven  merely  designed  the  earth 
to  form  the  abode,  and  satisfy  the  wants  of  man,  so  long 
as  those  purposes  were  answered,  the  will  of  Heaven  was 
accomplished.  But  this  only  proves  how  undeserving 
they  were  of  the  blessings  around  them :  they  were  so 
much  the  more  savages,  for  not  having  more  wants ;  for 
knowledge  is  in  some  degree  an  increase  of  desires ;  and 
it  is  this  superiority  both  in  the  number  and  magnitude 
of  his  desires,  that  distinguishes  the  man  from  the  beast. 
Therefore  the  Indians,  in  not  having  more  wants,  were 
very  unreasonable  animals  ;  and  it  was  but  just  that  they 
should  make  way  for  the  Europeans,  who  had  a  thousand 
wants  to  their  one,  and,  therefore,  would  turn  the  earth 
to  more  account,  and  by  cultivating  it,  more  truly  fulfil 
the  will  of  Heaven.  Besides — Grotius,  and  Lauterbach, 
and  Puffendorff,  and  Titius,  and  many  wise  men  beside, 
who  have  considered  the  matter  properly,  have  deter- 
mined that  the  property  of  a  country  cannot  be  acquired 
by  hunting,  cutting  wood,  or  drawing  water  in  it — nothing 
but  precise  demarcation  of  limits,  and  the  intention  of 
cultivation,  can  establish  the  possession.  Now,  as  the 
savages  (probably  from  never  having  read  the  authors 
above  quoted)  had  never  complied  with  any  of  these 
necessary  forms,  it  plainly  follows  that  they  had  no  right 


72  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

to  the  soil,  but  that  it  was  completely  at  the  disposal  of 
the  first  comers,  who  had  more  knowledge,  more  wants, 
and  more  elegant,  that  is  to  say  artificial  desires  than 
themselves. 

In  entering  upon  a  newly  discovered,  uncultivated 
country,  therefore,  the  new  comers  were  but  taking  pos- 
session of  what,  according  to  the  aforesaid  doctrine,  was 
their  own  property ; — therefore,  in  opposing  them,  the, 
savages  were  invading  their  just  rights,  infringing  the 
immutable  laws  of  nature,  and  counteracting  the  will  of 
heaven :  therefore,  they  were  guilty  of  impiety,  burglary, 
and  trespass  on  the  case  :  therefore,  they  were  hardened 
offenders  against  God  and  man  :  therefore,  they  ought  to 
be  exterminated. 

But  a  more  irresistible  right  than  either  that  I  have 
mentioned,  and  one  which  will  be  the  most  readily  admit- 
ted by  my  reader,  provided  he  be  blessed  v/ith  bowels  of 
charity  and  philanthropy,  is  the  right  acquired  by  civil- 
ization. All  the  world  knows  the  lamentable  state  in 
which  these  poor  savages  were  found.  Not  only  deficient 
in  the  comforts  of  life,  but  what  is  still  worse,  most  pite- 
ously  and  unfortunately  blind  to  the  miseries  of  their 
situation.  But  no  sooner  did  the  benevolent  inhabitants 
of  Europe  behold  their  sad  condition,  than  they  imme- 
diately went  to  work  to  ameliorate  and  improve  it.  They 
introduced  among  them  rum,  gin,  brandy,  and  the  other 
comforts  of  life, — and  it  is  astonishing  to  read  how  soon 
the  poor  savages  learned  to  estimate  those  blessings ; 


THE  RIGHT  BY  CIVILIZATION.  73 

they  likewise  made  known  to  them  a  thousand  remedies, 

!  by  which  the  most  inveterate  diseases  are  alleviated  and 

J 

healed ;  and  that  they  might  comprehend  the  benefits 
and  enjoy  the  comforts  of  these  medicines,  they  pre- 
viously introduced  among  them  the  diseases  which  they 
were  calculated  to  cure.  By  these  and  a  variety  of  other 
methods  was  the  condition  of  these  poor  savages  won- 
derfully improved ;  they  acquired  -a  thousand  wants,  of 
which  they  had  before  been  ignorant ;  and  as  he  has 
most  sources  of  happiness  who  has  most  wants  to  be 
gratified,  they  were  doubtlessly  rendered  a  much  happier 
race  of  beings. 

But  the  most  important  branch  of  civilization,  and 
which  has  most  strenuously  been  extolled  by  the  zealous 
and  pious  fathers  of  the  Romish  Church,  is  the  introduc- 
tion of  the  Christian  faith.  It  was  truly  a  sight  that 
might  well  inspire  horror,  to  behold  these  savages  tum- 
bling among  the  dark  mountains  of  paganism,  and  guilty 
of  the  most  horrible  ignorance  of  religion.  It  is  true,  they 
neither  stole  nor  defrauded ;  they  were  sober,  frugal, 
continent,  and  faithful  to  their  word;  but  though  they 
acted  right  habitually,  it  was  all  in  vain,  unless  they 
acted  so  from  precept.  The  new  comers,  therefore,  used 
every  method  to  induce  them  to  embrace  and  practise 
the  true  religion, — except  indeed  that  of  setting  them  the 
example. 

But  notwithstanding  all  these  complicated  labors  for 
their  good,  such  was  the  unparalleled  obstinacy  of  these 


74  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

stubborn  wretches,  that  they  ungratefully  refused  to  ac- 
knowledge the  strangers  as  their  benefactors,  and  per- 
sisted in  disbelieving  the  doctrines  they  endeavored  to 
inculcate ;  most  insolently  alleging,  that,  from  their  con- 
duct, the  advocates  of  Christianity  did  not  seem  to  be- 
lieve in  it  themselves.  Was  not  this  too  much  for  human 
patience  ? — would  not  one  suppose  that  the  benign  visit- 
ants from  Europe,  provoked  at  their  incredulity,  and  dis- 
couraged by  their  stiff-necked  obstinacy,  would  forever 
have  abandoned  their  shores,  and  consigned  them  to  their 
original  ignorance  and  misery?  But  no  :  so  zealous  were 
they  to  effect  the  temporal  comfort  and  eternal  salvation 
of  these  pagan  infidels,  that  they  even  proceeded  from 
the  milder  means  of  persuasion  to  the  more  painful  and 
troublesome  one  of  persecution, — let  loose  among  them 
whole  troops  of  fiery  monks  and  furious  bloodhounds, — 
purified  them  by  fire  and  sword,  by  stake  and  fagot ;  in 
consequence  of  which  indefatigable  measures  the  cause  of 
Christian  love  and  charity  was  so  rapidly  advanced,  that 
in  a  few  years  not  one  fifth  of  the  number  of  unbelievers 
existed  in  South  America  that  were  found  there  at  the 
time  of  its  discovery. 

What  stronger  right  need  the  European  settlers  ad- 
vance to  the  country  than  this  ?  Have  not  whole  nations 
of  uninformed  savages  been  made  acquainted  with  a 
thousand  imperious  wants  and  indispensable  comforts,  of 
which  they  were  before  wholly  ignorant  ?  Have  they  not 
been  literally  hunted  and  smoked  out  of  the  dens  and 


A  FOURTH  RIGHT.  75 

lurking-places  of  ignorance  and  infidelity,  and  absolutely 
scourged  into  the  right  path?  Have  not  the  temporal 
things,  the  vain  baubles  and  filthy  lucre  of  this  world, 
which  were  too  apt  to  engage  their  worldly  and  selfish 
thoughts,  been  benevolently  taken  from  them ;  and  have 
they  not,  instead  thereof,  been  taught  to  set  their  affec- 
tions on  things  above  ?  And,  finally,  to  use  the  words  of 
a  reverend  Spanish  father,  in  a  letter  to  his  superior  in 
Spain,  "  Can  any  one  have  the  presumption  to  say  that 
these  savage  Pagans  have  yielded  anything  more  than  an 
inconsiderable  recompense  to  their  benefactors,  in  sur- 
rendering to  them  a  little  pitiful  tract  of  this  dirty  sub- 
lunary planet  in  exchange  for  a  glorious  inheritance  in 
the  kingdom  of  heaven  ?  " 

Here,  then,  are  three  complete  and  undeniable  sources 
of  right  established,  any  one  of  which  was  more  than 
ample  to  establish  a  property  in  the  newly-discovered 
regions  of  America.  Now,  so  it  lias  happened  in  cer- 
tain parts  of  this  delightful  quarter  of  the  globe,  that 
the  right  of  discovery  has  been  so  strenuously  as- 
serted, the  influence  of  cultivation  so  industriously  ex- 
tended, and  the  progress  of  salvation  and  civilization 
so  zealously  prosecuted,  that,  what  with  their  attendant 
wars,  persecutions,  oppressions,  diseases,  and  other  par- 
tial evils  that  often  hang  on  the  skirts  of  great  benefits, 
the  savage  aborigines  have,  somehow  or  another,  been 
utterly  annihilated  ; — and  this  all  at  once  brings  me  to  a 
fourth  right,  which  is  worth  all  the  others  put  together. 


76  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

For  the  original  claimants  to  the  soil  being  all  dead  and 
buried,  and  no  one  remaining  to  inherit  or  dispute  the 
soil,  the  Spaniards,  as  the  next  immediate  occupants, 
entered  upon  the  possession  as  clearly  as  the  hangman 
succeeds  to  the  clothes  of  the  malefactor;  and  as  they 
have  Blackstone,*  and  all  the  learned  expounders  of  the 
law  on  their  side,  they  may  set  all  actions  of  ejectment  at 
defiance  ; — and  this  last  right  may  be  entitled  the  EIGHT 
BY  EXTERMINATION,  or,  in  other  words,  the  EIGHT  BY  GUN- 
POWDEE.  • 

But  lest  any  scruples  of  conscience  should  remain  on 
this  head,  and  to  settle  the  question  of  right  forever,  his 
holiness  Pope  Alexander  VI.  issued  a  bull,  by  which  he 
generously  granted  the  newly-discovered  quarter  of  the 
globe  to  the  Spaniards  and  Portuguese ;  who,  thus  hav- 
ing law  and  gospel  on  their  side,  and  being  inflamed  with 
great  spiritual  zeal,  showed  the  Pagan  savages  neither 
favor  nor  affection,  but  prosecuted  the  work  of  discov- 
ery, colonization,  civilization,  and  extermination  with  ten 
times  more  fury  than  ever. 

Thus  were  the  European  worthies  who  first  discovered 
America  clearly  entitled  to  the  soil ;  and  not  only  entitled 
to  the  soil,  but  likewise  to  the  eternal  thanks  of  these  in- 
fidel savages,  for  having  come  so  far,  endured  so  many 
perils  by  sea  and  land,  and  taken  such  unwearied  pains, 
for  no  other  purpose  but  to  improve  their  forlorn,  uncivil- 

*  Bl.  Com.  b.  ii.  c.  1. 


A  SPECULATION.  77 

ized,  and  heathenish  condition, — for  having  made  them 
acquainted  with  the  comforts  of  life, — for  having  intro- 
duced among  them  the  light  of  religion, — and,  finally,  for 
having  hurried  them  out  of  the  world,  to  enjoy  its  reward  ! 

But  as  argument  is  never  so  well  understood  by  us 
selfish  mortals  as  when  it  comes  home  to  ourselves,  and 
as  I  am  particularly  anxious  that  this  question  should 
be  put  to  rest  forever,  I  will  suppose  a  parallel  case,  by 
way  of  arousing  the  candid  attention  of  my  readers. 

Let  us  suppose,  then,  that  the  inhabitants  of  the  moon, 
by  astonishing  advancement  in  science,  and  by  profound 
insight  into  that  lunar  philosophy,  the  mere  flickerings  of 
which  have  of  late  years  dazzled  the  feeble  optics,  and 
addled  the  shallow  brains  of  the  good  people  of  our 
globe, — let  us  suppose,  I  say,  that  the  inhabitants  of  the 
moon,  by  these  means,  had  arrived  at  such  a  command  of 
their  energies,  such  an  enviable  state  of  perfectibility,  as  to 
control  the  elements,  and  navigate  the  boundless  regions 
of  space.  Let  us  suppose  a  roving  crew  of  these  soaring 
philosophers,  in  the  course  of  an  aerial  voyage  of  dis- 
covery among  the  stars,  should  chance  to  alight  upon  this 
outlandish  planet. 

And  here  I  beg  my  readers  will  not  have  the  unchari- 
tableness  to  smile,  as  is  too  frequently  the  fault  of  vola- 
tile readers,  when  perusing  the  grave  speculations  of 
philosophers.  I  am  far  from  indulging  in  any  sportive 
vein  at  present ;  nor  is  the  supposition  I  have  been 
making  so  wild  as  many  may  deem  it.  It  has  long  been 


78  BISTORT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

a  very  serious  and  anxious  question  with  me,  and  many 
a  time  and  oft,  in  the  course  of  my  overwhelming  cares 
and  contrivances  for  the  welfare  and  protection  of  this 
my  native  planet,  have  I  lain  awake  whole  nights  de- 
bating, in  my  mind,  whether  it  were  most  probable  we 
should  first  discover  and  civilize  the  moon,  or  the  moon 
discover  and  civilize  our  globe.  Neither  would  the 
prodigy  of  sailing  in  the  air  and  cruising  among  the  stars 
be  a  whit  moro  astonishing  and  incomprehensible  to  us 
than  was  the  European  mystery  of  navigating  floating 
castles,  through  the  world  of  waters,  to  the  simple 
natives.  We  have  already  discovered  the  art  of  coast- 
ing along  the  aerial  shores  of  our  planet,  by  means  of 
balloons,  as  the  savages  had  of  venturing  along  their  sea- 
coasts  in  canoes  ;  and  the  disparity  between  the  former 
and  the  aerial  vehicles  of  the  philosophers  from  the  moon 
might  not  be  greater  than  that  between  the  bark  canoes 
of  the  savages  and  the  mighty  ships  of  their  discoverers. 
I  might  here  pursue  an  endless  chain  of  similar  specu- 
lations ;  but  as  they  would  be  unimportant  to  my  subject, 
I  abandon  them  to  my  reader,  particularly  if  he  be  a 
philosopher,  as  matters  well  worthy  of  his  attentive  con- 
sideration, 

To  return,  then,  to  my  supposition ; — let  us  suppose 
that  the  aerial  visitants  I  have  mentioned,  possessed  of 
vastly  superior  knowledge  to  ourselves ;  that  is  to  say, 
possessed  of  superior  knowledge  in  the  art  of  extermi- 
nation,— riding  on  hyppogriffs, — defended  with  impene- 


THE  MEN  FROM  THE  MOON.  79 

trable  armor, — armed  with  concentrated  sunbeams,  and 
provided  with  vast  engines,  to  hurl  enormous  moon- 
stones :  in  short,  let  us  suppose  them,  if  our  vanity  will 
permit  the  supposition,  as  superior  to  us  in  knowledge, 
and  consequently  in  power,  as  the  Europeans  were  to  the 
Indians,  when  they  first  discovered  them.  All  this  is 
very  possible ;  it  is  only  our  self-sufficiency  that  makes 
us  think  otherwise  ;  and  I  warrant  the  poor  savages,  be- 
foro  they  had  any  knowledge  of  the  white  men,  armed  in 
all  the  terrors  of  glittering  steel  and  tremendous  gun- 
powder, were  as  perfectly  convinced  that  they  themselves 
were  the  wisest,  the  most  virtuous,  powerful,  and  perfect 
of  created  beings,  as  are,  at  this  present  moment,  the 
lordly  inhabitants  of  old  England,  the  volatile  populace 
of  France,  or  even  the  self-satisfied  citizens  of  this  most 
enlightened  republic. 

Let  us  suppose,  moreover,  that  the  aerial  voyagers, 
finding  this  planet  to  be  nothing  but  a  howling  wilder- 
ness, inhabited  by  us,  poor  savages  and  wild  beasts,  shall 
take  formal  possession  of  it,  in  the  name  of  his  most 
gracious  and  philosophic  excellency,  the  man  in  the 
moon.  Finding,  however,  that  their  numbers  are  in- 
competent to  hold  it  in  complete  subjection,  on  ac- 
count of  the  ferocious  barbarity  of  its  inhabitants, 
they  shall  take  our  worthy  President,  the  King  of  Eng- 
land, the  Emperor  of  Hayti,  the  mighty  Bonaparte, 
and  the  great  King  of  Bantam,  and  returning  to  their 
native  planet,  shall  carry  them  to  court,  as  were  the 


80  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

Indian  chiefs  led  about  as  spectacles  in  the  courts  of 
Europe. 

Then  making  such  obeisance  as  the  etiquette  of  the 
court  requires,  they  shall  address  the  puissant  man  in 
the  moon,  in,  as  near  as  I  can  conjecture,  the  following 
terms :  — 

"  Most  serene  and  mighty  Potentate,  whose  dominions 
extend  as  far  as  eye  can  reach,  who  rideth  on  the  Great 
Bear,  useth  the  sun  as  a  looking-glass,  and  maintaineth 
unrivalled  control  over  tides,  madmen,  and  sea-crabs. 
We,  thy  liege  subjects,  have  just  returned  from  a  voyage 
of  discovery,  in  the  course  of  which  we  have  landed  and 
taken  possession  of  that  obscure  little  dirty  planet,  which 
thou  beholdest  rolling  at  a  distance.  The  five  uncouth 
monsters,  which  we  have  brought  into  this  august  pres- 
ence, were  once  very  important  chiefs  among  their  fellow- 
savages,  who  are  a  race  of  beings  totally  destitute  of  the 
common  attributes  of  humanity ;  and  differing  in  every- 
thing from  the  inhabitants  of  the  moon,  inasmuch  as  they 
carry  their  heads  upon  their  shoulders,  instead  of  under 
their  arms, — have  two  eyes  instead  of  one, — are  utterly 
destitute  of  tails,  and  of  a  variety  of  unseemly  complex- 
ions, particularly  of  horrible  whiteness,  instead  of  pea- 
green. 

"We  have  moreover  found  these  miserable  savages 
sunk  into  a  state  of  the  utmost  ignorance  and  depravity, 
every  man  shamelessly  living  with  his  own  wife,  and 
rearing  his  own  children,  instead  of  indulging  in  that 


THE  MEN  IN  THE  MOON.  81 

community  of  wives  enjoined  by  the  law  of  nature,  as  ex- 
pounded by  the  philosophers  of  the  moon.  In  a  word, 
they  have  scarcely  a  gleam  of  true  philosophy  among 
them,  but  are,  in  fact,  utter  heretics,  ignoramuses,  and 
barbarians.  Taking  compassion,  therefore,  on  the  sad 
condition  of  these  sublunary  wretches,  we  have  endeav- 
ored, while  we  remained  on  their  planet,  to  introduce 
among  them  the  light  of  reason,  and  the  comforts  of  the 
moon.  We  have  treated  them  to  mouthfuls  of  moon- 
shine, and  draughts  of  nitrous  oxide,  which  they  swal- 
lowed with  incredible  voracity,  particularly  the  females  ; 
and  we  have  likewise  endeavored  to  instil  into  them  the 
precepts  of  lunar  philosophy.  We  have  insisted  upon 
their  renouncing  the  contemptible  shackles  of  religion 
and  common  sense,  and  adoring  the  profound,  omnipo- 
tent, and  all-perfect  energy,  and  the  ecstatic,  immutable, 
immovable  perfection.  But  such  was  the  unparalleled 
obstinacy  of  these  wretched  savages,  that  they  persisted 
in  cleaving  to  their  wives,  and  adhering  to  their  religion, 
and  absolutely  set  at  naught  the  sublime  doctrines  of  the 
moon, — nay,  among  other  abominable  heresies,  they  even 
went  so  far  as  blasphemously  to  declare,  that  this  inef- 
fable planet  was  made  of  nothing  more  nor  less  than 
green  cheese ! " 

At  these  words,  the  great  man  in  the  moon  (being  a 
very  profound  philosopher)  shall  fall  into  a  terrible  pas- 
sion, and  possessing  equal  authority  over  things  that  do 
not  belong  to  him,  as  did  whilom  his  holiness  the  Pope, 
6 


82  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

shall  forthwith  issue  a  formidable  bull,  specifying,  "That, 
whereas  a  certain  crew  of  Lunatics  have  lately  discovered, 
and  taken  possession  of  a  newly-discovered  planet  called 
the  earth  ;  and  that,  whereas  it  is  inhabited  by  none  but  a 
race  of  two-legged  animals  that  carry  their  heads  on  their 
shoulders  instead  of  under  their  arms,  cannot  talk  the 
lunatic  language,  have  two  eyes  instead  of  one,  are  desti- 
tute of  tails,  and  of  a  horrible  whiteness,  instead  of  pea- 
green: — therefore,  and  for  a  variety  of  other  excellent 
reasons,  they  are  considered  incapable  of  possessing  any 
property  in  the  planet  they  infest,  and  the  right  and 
title  to  it  are  confirmed  to  its  original  discoverers.  And 
furthermore,  the  colonists  who  are  now  about  to  depart 
to  the  aforesaid  planet  are  authorized  and  commanded  to 
use  every  means  to  convert  these  infidel  savages  from  the 
darkness  of  Christianity,  and  make  them  thorough  and 
absolute  lunatics." 

In  consequence  of  this  benevolent  bull,  our  philosophic 
benefactors  go  to  work  with  hearty  zeal.  They  seize 
upon  our  fertile  territories,  scourge  us  from  our  rightful 
possessions,  relieve  us  from  our  wives ;  and  when  we  are 
unreasonable  enough  to  complain,  they  will  turn  upon 
us  and  say  :  Miserable  barbarians !  ungrateful  wretches ! 
have  we  not  come  thousands  of  miles  to  improve  your 
worthless  planet ;  have  we  not  fed  you  with  moonshine  ; 
have  we  not  intoxicated  you  with  nitrous  oxide ;  does  not 
our  moon  give  you  light  every  night ;  and  have  you  the 
baseness  to  murmur  when  we  claim  a  pitiful  return  for 


THE  RIGHTS  PROVED.  83 

all  these  benefits  ?  But  finding  that  we  not  only  persist 
in  absolute  contempt  of  their  reasoning  and  disbelief  in 
their  philosophy,  but  even  go  so  far  as  daringly  to  defend 
our  property,  their  patience  shall  be  exhausted,  and  they 
shall  resort  to  their  superior  powers  of  argument :  hunt 
us  with  hyppogriffs,  transfix  us  with  concentrated  sun- 
beams, demolish  our  cities  with  moon-stones  ;  until  hav- 
ing, by  main  force,  converted  us  to  the  true  faith,  they 
shall  graciously  permit  us  to  exist  in  the  torrid  deserts 
of  Arabia,  or  the  frozen  regions  of  Lapland,  there  to 
enjoy  the  blessings  of  civilization  and  the  charms  of 
lunar  philosophy,  in  much  the  same  manner  as  the 
reformed  and  enlightened  savages  of  this  country  are 
kindly  suffered  to  inhabit  the  inhospitable  forests  of 
the  north,  or  the  impenetrable  wildernesses  of  South 
America. 

Thus,  I  hope,  I  have  clearly  proved,  and  strikingly 
illustrated,  the  right  of  the  early  colonists  to  the  posses- 
sion of  this  country;  and  thus  is  this  gigantic  question 
completely  vanquished :  so,  having  manfully  surmounted 
all  obstacles,  and  subdued  all  opposition,  what  remains 
but  that  I  should  forthwith  conduct  my  readers  into  the 
city  which  we  have  been  so  long  in  a  manner  besieging  ? 
But  hold ;  before  I  proceed  another  step,  I  must  pause 
to  take  breath,  and  recover  from  the  excessive  fatigue  I 
have  undergone,  in  preparing  to  begin  this  most  accurate 
of  histories.  And  in  this  I  do  but  imitate  the  example 
of  a  renowned  Dutch  .tumbler  of  antiquity,  who  took  a 


84  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

start  of  three  miles  for  the  purpose  of  jumping  over  a 
hill,  but  having  run  himself  out  of  breath  by  the  time 
he  reached  the  foot,  sat  himself  quietly  clown  for  a  few 
moments  to  blow,  and  then  walked  over  it  at  his  lei- 
sure. 


BOOK   H. 


TKEATING  OP  THE  FIHST  SETTLEMENT  OF    THE    PROVINCE    OF  NIEtJW- 
NEDEKLANDTS. 


CHAPTEE    I. 

IN  WHICH  ARE  CONTAINED  DIVERS  REASONS  WHY  A  MAN  SHOULD  NOT  WRITE 
IN  A  HURRY  ;  ALSO,  OF  MASTER  HENDRICK  HUDSON,  HIS  DISCOVERY  OF  A 
STRANGE  COUNTRY, — AND  HOW  HE  WAS  MAGNIFICENTLY  REWARDED  BY  THE 
MUNIFICENCE  OF  THEIR  HIGH  MIGHTINESSES. 

Y  great-grandfather,  by  the  mother's  side,  Her- 
manns Van  Clattercop,  when  employed  to  build 
the  large  stone  church  at  Rotterdam,  which 
stands  about  three  hundred  yards  to  your  left  after  you 
turn  off  from  the  Boomkeys,  and  which  is  so  conveniently 
constructed,  that  all  the  zealous  Christians  of  Rotterdam 
prefer  sleeping  through  a  sermon  there  to  any  other 
church  in  the  city, — my  great-grandfather,  I  say,  when 

85 


8(3  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORE. 

employed  to  build  that  famous  church,  did  in  the  first 
place  send  to  Delft  for  a  box  of  long  pipes ;  then  having 
purchased  a  new  spitting-box  and  a  hundred-weight  of 
the  best  Virginia,  he  sat  himself  down,  and  did  nothing 
for  the  space  of  three  months  but  smoke  most  labo- 
riously. Then  did  he  spend  full  three  months  more  in 
trudging  on  foot,  and  voyaging  in  trekschuit,  from  Kot- 
terdam  to  Amsterdam — to  Delft — to  Haerlem— to  Leyden 
— to  the  Hague,  knocking  his  head  and  breaking  his  pipe 
against  every  church  in  his  road.  Then  did  he  advance 
gradually  nearer  and  nearer  to  Rotterdam,  until' he  came 
in  full  sight  of  the  identical  spot  whereon  the  church 
was  to  be  built.  Then  did  he  spend  three  months  longer 
in  walking  round  it  and  round  it,  contemplating  it,  first 
from  one  point  of  view,  and  then  from  another, — now 
would  he  be  paddled  by  it  on  the  canal, — now  would  he 
peep  at  it  through  a  telescope  from  the  other  side  of  the 
Meuse,  and  now  would  he  take  a  bird's-eye  glance  at  it 
from  the  top  of  one  of  those  gigantic  windmills  which 
protect  the  gates  of  the  city.  The  good  folks  of  the  place 
were  on  the  tiptoe  of  expectation  and  impatience  ;— not- 
withstanding all  the  turmoil  of  my  great-grandfather,  not 
a  symptom  of  the  church  was  yet  to  be  seen ;  they  even 
began  to  fear  it  would  never  be  brought  into  the  world, 
but  that  its  great  projector  would  lie  down  and  die  in 
labor  of  the  mighty  plan  he  had  conceived.  At  length, 
having  occupied  twelve  good  months  in  puffing  and  pad- 
dling, and  talking  and  walking, — having  travelled  over  all 


DIVERS  REASONS  FOR  DELAY.  87 

Holland,  and  even  taken  a  peep  into  France  and  Ger- 
many,—  having  smoked  five  hundred  and  ninety -nine 
pipes,  and  three  hundred-weight  of  the  best  Virginia, 
tobacco,  —  my  great-grandfather  gathered  together  all 
that  knowing  and  industrious  class  of  citizens  who  prefer 
attending  to  anybody's  business  sooner  than  their  own, 
and  having  pulled  off  his  coat  and  five  pair  of  breeches, 
he  advanced  sturdily  up  and  laid  the  corner-stone  of  the 
church,  in  presence  of  the  whole  multitude — just  at  the 
commencement  of  the  thirteenth  month. 

In  a  similar  manner,  and  with  the  example  of  my  wor- 
thy ancestor  full  before  my  eyes,  have  I  proceeded  in 
writing  this  most  authentic  history.  The  honest  Rot- 
terdamers  no  doubt  thought  my  great-grandfather  was 
doing  nothing  at  all  to  the  purpose,  while  he  was  making 
such  a  world  of  prefatory  bustle  about  the  building  of 
his  church — and  many  of  the  ingenious  inhabitants  of 
this  fair  city  will  unquestionably  suppose  that  all  the 
preliminary  chapters,  with  the  discovery,  population, 
and  final  settlement  of  America,  were  totally  irrelevant 
and  superfluous,— and  that  the  main  business,  the  history 
of  New  York,  is  not  a  jot  more  advanced  than  if  I  had 
never  taken  up  my  pen.  Never  were  wise  people  more 
mistaken  in  their  conjectures :  in  consequence  of  going 
to  work  slowly  and  deliberately,  the  church  came  out 
of  my  grandfather's  hands  one  of  the  most  sumptuous, 
goodly,  and  glorious  edifices  in  the  known  world, — ex- 
cepting that,  like  our  magnificent  capitol,  at  Washington, 


38  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

it  was  begun  on  so  grand  a  scale  that  the  good  folks 
could  not  afford  to  finish  more  than  the  wing  of  it.  So, 
likewise,  I  trust,  if  ever  I  am  able  to  finish  this  work  on 
the  plan  I  have  commenced,  (of  which,  in  simple  truth,  I 
sometimes  have  my  doubts,)  it  will  be  found  that  I  have 
pursued  the  latest  rules  of  my  art,  as  exemplified  in 
the  writings  of  all  the  great  American  historians,  and 
wrought  a  very  large  history  out  of  a  small  subject, — 
which,  nowadays,  is  considered  one  of  the  great  triumphs 
of  historic  skill.  To  proceed,  then,  with  the  thread  of 
my  story. 

In  the  ever-memorable  year  of  our  Lord,  1609,  on  a 
Saturday  morning,  the  five-and-twentieth  day  of  March, 
old  style,  did  that  "worthy  and  irrecoverable  discoverer, 
(as  he  has  justly  been  called,)  Master  Henry  Hudson," 
set  sail  from  Holland  in  a  stout  vessel  called  the  Half- 
Moon,  being  employed  by  the  Dutch  East  India  Com- 
pany, to  seek  a  northwest  passage  to  China. 

Henry  (or,  as  the  Dutch  historians  call  him,  Hendrick) 
Hudson  was  a  seafaring  man  of  renown,  who  had  learned 
to  smoke  tobacco  under  Sir  Walter  Raleigh,  and  is  said 
to  have  been  the  first  to  introduce  it  into  Holland,  which 
gained  him  much  popularity  in  that  country,  and  caused 
him  to  find  great  favor  in  the  eyes  of  their  High  Mighti- 
nesses, the  Lords  States  General,  and  also  of  the  honora- 
ble West  India  Company.  He  was  a  short,  square,  braw- 
ny old  gentleman,  with  a  double  chin,  a  mastiff  mouth, 
and  a  broad  copper  nose,  which  was  supposed  in  those 


HENDRICK  IIITDSON.  89 

days  to  have  acquired  its  fiery  hue  from  the  constant 
neighborhood  of  his  tobacco-pipe. 

He  wore  a  true  Andrea  Ferrara,  tucked  in  a  leathern 
belt,  and  a  commodore's  cocked  hat  on  one  side  of  his 
head.  He  was  remarkable  for  always  jerking  up  his 
breeches  when  he  gave  out  his  orders,  and  his  voice 
sounded  not  unlike  the  brattling  of  a  tin  trumpet, — owing 
to  the  number  of  hard  northwesters  which  he  had  swal- 
lowed in  the  course  of  his  seafaring. 

Such  was  Hendrick  Hudson,  of  whom  we  have  heard  so 
much,  and  know  so  little ;  and  I  have  been  thus  particu- 
lar in  his  description  for  the  benefit  of  modern  painters 
and  statuaries,  that  they  may  represent  him  as  he  was, 
— and  not,  according  to  their  common  custom  with 
modern  heroes,  make  him  look  like  Caesar,  or  Marcus 
Aurelius,  or  the  Apollo  of  Belvidere. 

As  chief  mate  and  favorite  companion,  the  commodore 
chose  master  Robert  Juet,  of  Limehouse,  in  England.  By 
some  his  name  has  been  spelled  Chewit,  and  ascribed  to 
the  circumstances  of  his  having  been  the  first  man  that 
ever  chewed  tobacco;  but  this  I  believe  to  be  a  mere 
flippancy ;  more  especially  as  certain  of  his  progeny  are 
living  at  this  day,  who  write  their  names  Juet.  He  was 
an  old  comrade  and  early  schoolmate  of  the  great  Hud- 
son, with  whom  he  had  often  played  truant  and  sailed 
chip  boats  in  a  neighboring  pond,  when  they  were  little 
boys :  from  whence  it  is  said  that  the  commodore  first 
derived  his  bias  towards  a  seafaring  life.  Certain  it  is 


90  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

that  the  old  people  about  Limehouse  declared  Robert 
Juet  to  be  an  unlucky  urchin,  prone  to  mischief,  that 
would  one  day  or  other  come  to  the  gallows. 

He  grew  up,  as  boys  of  that  kind  often  grow  up,  a 
rambling,  heedless  varlet,  tossed  about  in  all  quarters  of 
the  world, — meeting  with  more  perils  and  wonders  than 
did  Sinbad  the  Sailor,  without  growing  a  whit  more  wise, 
prudent,  or  ill-natured.  Under  every  misfortune,  he 
comforted  himself  with  a  quid  of  tobacco,  and  the  truly 
philosophic  maxim,  that  "  it  will  be  all  the  same  thing  a 
hundred  years  hence."  He  was  skilled  in  the  art  of  carv- 
ing anchors  and  true  lover's  knots  on  the  bulk-heads 
and  quarter-railings,  and  was  considered  a  great  wit  on 
board  ship,  in  consequence  of  his  playing  pranks  on 
everybody  around,  and  now  and  then  even  making  a  wry 
face  at  old  Hendrick,  when  his  back  was  turned. 

To  this  universal  genius  are  we  indebted  for  many  par- 
ticulars concerning  this  voyage  ;  of  which  he  wrote  a 
history,  at  the  request  of  the  commodore,  who  had  an 
unconquerable  aversion  to  writing  himself,  from  having 
received  so  many  floggings  about  it  when  at  school.  To 
supply  the  deficiencies  of  master  Juet's  journal,  which  is 
written  with  true  log-book  brevity,  I  have  availed  myself 
of  divers  family  traditions,  handed  down  from  my  great- 
great-grandfather,  who  accompanied  the  expedition  in 
the  capacity  of  cabin-boy. 

From  all  that  I  can  learn,  few  incidents  worthy  of  re- 
mark happened  in  the  voyage ;  and  it  mortifies  me  ex- 


TUE  VOYAGE.  91 

ceedingly  that  I  have  to  admit  so  noted  an  expedition 
into  my  work,  without  making  any  more  of  it. 

Suffice  it  to  say,  the  voyage  was  prosperous  and  tran- 
quil ;  the  crew,  being  a  patient  people,  much  given  to 
slumber  and  vacuity,  and  but  little  troubled  with  the  dis- 
ease of  thinking, — a  malady  of  the  mind,  which  is  the 
sure  breeder  of  discontent.  Hudson  had  laid  in  abun- 
dance of  gin  and  sourkrout,  and  every  man  was  allowed 
to  sleep  quietly  at  his  post  unless  the  wind  blew.  True 
it  is,  some  slight  disaffection  was  shown  on  two  or  three 
occasions,  at  certain  unreasonable  conduct  of  Commodore 
Hudson.  Thus,  for  instance,  he  forbore  to  shorten  sail 
when  the  wind  was  light,  and  the  weather  serene,  which 
was  considered  among  the  most  experienced  Dutch  sea- 
men as  certain  weather-breeders,  or  prognostics  that  the 
weather  would  change  for  the  worse.  He  acted,  more- 
over, in  direct  contradiction  to  that  ancient  and  sage  rule 
of  the  Dutch  navigators,  who  always  took  in  sail  at  night, 
put  the  helm  a-port,  and  turned  in, — by  which  precaution 
they  had  a  good  night's  rest,  were  sure  of  knowing  where 
they  were  the  next  morning,  and  stood  but  little  chance 
of  running  down  a  continent  in  the  dark.  He  likewise 
prohibited  the  seamen  from  wearing  more  than  five 
jackets  and  six  pair  of  breeches,  under  pretence  of  ren- 
dering them  more  alert ;  and  no  man  was  permitted  to 
go  aloft  and  hand  in  sails  with  a  pipe  in  his  mouth,  as  is 
the  invariable  Dutch  custom  at  the  present  day.  All 
these  grievances,  though  they  might  ruffle  for  a  moment 


92  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

the  constitutional  tranquillity  of  the  honest  Dutch  tars, 
made  but  transient  impression ; — they  ate  hugely,  drank 
profusely,  and  slept  immeasurably  ;  and  being  under  the 
especial  guidance  of  Providence,  the  ship  was  safely  con- 
ducted to  the  coast  of  America ;  where,  after  sundry  un- 
important touchings  and  standings  off  and  on,  she  at 
length,  on  the  fourth  day  of  September,  entered  that  ma- 
jestic bay  which  at  this  day  expands  its  ample  bosom  be- 
fore the  city  of  New  York,  and  which  had  never  before 
been  visited  by  any  European.* 


*  True  it  is — and  I  am  not  ignorant  of  the  fact — that  in  a  certain 
apocryphal  book  of  voyages,  compiled  by  one  Hakluyt,  is  to  be  found  a 
letter  written  to  Francis  the  First,  by  one  Giovanne,  or  John  Verazzani, 
on  which  some  writers  are  inclined  to  found  a  belief  that  this  delightful 
bay  had  been  visited  nearly  a  century  previous  to  the  voyage  of  the  en- 
terprising Hudson.  Now  this  (albeit  it  has  met  with  the  countenance  of 
certain  very  judicious  and  learned  men)  I  hold  in  utter  disbelief,  and  that 
for  various  good  and  substantial  reasons  :  First,  Because  on  strict  exam- 
ination it  will  be  found,  that  the  description  given  by  this  Verazzani  ap- 
plies about  as  well  to  the  bay  of  New  York  as  it  does  to  my  nightcap. 
Secondly,  Because  that  this  John  Verazzani,  for  whom  I  already  begin  to 
feel  «i  most  bitter  enmity,  is  a  native  of  Florence  ;  and  everybody  knows 
the  crafty  wiles  of  these  losel  Florentines,  by  which  they  niched  away  the 
laurels  from  the  brows  of  the  immortal  Colon,  (vulgarly  called  Colum- 
bus,) and  bestowed  them  on  their  officious  townsman,  Amerigo  Ves- 
pucci ;  and  I  make  no  doubt  they  are  equally  ready  to  rob  the  illustrious 
Hudson  of  the  credit  of  discovering  this  beautiful  island,  adorned  by  the 
city  of  New  York,  and  placing  it  beside  their  usurped  discovery  of  South 
America.  And,  thirdly,  I  award  my  decision  in  favor  of  the  pretensions 
of  Hendrick  Hudson,  inasmuch  as  his  expedition  sailed  from  Holland, 
being  truly  and  absolutely  a  Dutch  enterprise  ;— and  though  all  the 
proofs  in  the  world  were  introduced  on  the  other  side,  I  would  set  them 
at  naught,  as  undeserving  my  attention.  If  these  three  reasons  be  not 
sufficient  to  satisfy  every  burgher  of  this  ancient  city,  all  I  can  say  is, 


VIEW  OF  MANN  All  AT  A.  93 

It  has  been  traditionary  in  our  family,  that  when  the 
great  navigator  was  first  blessed  with  a  view  of  this 
enchanting  island,  he  was  observed,  for  the  first  and  only 
time  in  his  life,  to  exhibit  strong  symptoms  of  astonish- 
ment and  admiration.  He  is  said  to  have  turned  to  mas- 
ter Juet,  and  uttered  these  remarkable  words,  while  ho 
pointed  towards  this  paradise  of  the  new  world, — "  See  ! 
there  ! " — and  thereupon,  as  was  always  his  way  when  he 
was  uncommonly  pleased,  he  did  puff  out  such  clouds  of 
dense  tobacco-smoke,  that  in  one  minute  the  vessel  was 
out  of  sight  of  land,  and  master  Juet  was  fain  to  wait 
until  the  winds  dispersed  this  impenetrable  fog. 

It  was  indeed, — as  my  great-grandfather  used  to  say, — 
though  in  truth  I  never  heard  him,  for  he  died,  as  might 
be  expected,  before  I  was  born, — "It  was  indeed  a  spot 
on  which  the  eye  might  have  revelled  forever,  in  ever 
new  and  never-ending  beauties."  The  island  of  Manna- 
hata  spread  wide  before  them,  like  some  sweet  vision  of 
fancy,  or  some  fair  creation  of  industrious  magic.  Its 
hills  of  smiling  green  swelled  gently  one  above  another, 
crowned  with  lofty  trees  of  luxuriant  growth ;  some  point- 
ing their  tapering  foliage  towards  the  clouds,  which  wero 
gloriously  transparent ;  and  others  loaded  with  a  verdant 
burden  of  clambering  vines,  bowing  their  branches  to 
the  earth,  that  was  covered  with  flowers.  On  the  gentle 

they  are  degenerate  descendants  from  their  venerable  Dutch  ancestors, 
and  totally  unworthy  the  trouble  of  convincing.  Thus,  therefore,  the 
title  of  Hendrick  Hudson  to  his  renowned  discovery  is  fully  vindicated. 


94  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

declivities  of  the  hills  were  scattered  in  gay  profusion, 
the  dog-wood,  the  sumach,  and  the  wild  brier,  whose 
scarlet  berries  and  white  blossoms  glowed  brightly  among 
the  deep  green  of  the  surrounding  foliage  ;  and  here  and 
there  a  curling  column  of  smoke,  rising  from  the  little 
glens  that  opened  along  the  shore,  seemed  to  promise  the 
weary  voyagers  a  welcome  at  the  hands  of  their  fellow- 
creatures.  As  they  stood  gazing  with  entranced  atten- 
tion on  the  scene  before  them,  a  red  man,  crowned  with 
feathers,  issued  from  one  of  these  glens,  and  after  con- 
templating in  wonder  the  gallant  ship,  as  she  sat  like  a 
stately  swan  swimming  on  a  silver  lake,  sounded  the  war- 
whoop,  and  bounded  into  the  woods  like  a  wild  deer,  to 
the  utter  astonishment  of  the  phlegmatic  Dutchmen,  who 
had  never  heard  such  a  noise,  or  witnessed  such  a  caper 
in  their  whole  lives. 

Of  the  transactions  of  our  adventurers  with  the  savages, 
and  how  the  latter  smoked  copper  pipes,  and  ate  dried 
currants ;  how  they  brought  great  store  of  tobacco  and 
oysters ;  how  they  shot  one  of  the  ship's  crew,  and  how 
he  was  buried,  I  shall  say  nothing ;  being  that  I  consider 
them  unimportant  to  my  history.  After  tarrying  a  few 
days  in  the  bay,  in  order  to  rofresh  themselves  after  their 
seafaring,  our  voyagers  weighed  anchor,  to  explore  a 
mighty  river  which  emptied  into  the  bay.  This  river,  it 
is  said,  was  known  among  the  savages  by  the  name  of  the 
Slmtemuck;  though  we  are  assured  in  an  excellent  little 
history  published  in  1674,  by  John  Josselyn,  Gent,  that 


UP   THE  RIVER.  95 

it  was  called  the  Moliegan*  and  master  Richard  Bloome, 
who  wrote  some  time  afterwards,  asserts  the  same,— so 
that  I  very  much  incline  in  favor  of  the  opinion  of  these 
two  honest  gentlemen.  Be  this  as  it  may,  up  this  river 
did  the  adventurous  Hendrick  proceed,  little  doubting 
but  it  would  turn  out  to  be  the  much  looked-for  passage 
to  China ! 

The  journal  goes  on  to  make  mention  of  divers  inter- 
views between  the  crew  and  the  natives,  in  the  voyage  up 
the  river ;  but  as  they  would  be  impertinent  to  my  his- 
tory, I  shall  pass  over  them  in  silence,  except  the  follow- 
ing dry  joke,  played  off  by  the  old  commodore  and  his 
school-fellow,  Robert  Juet,  which  does  such  vast  credit 
to  their  experimental  philosophy,  that  I  cannot  refrain 
from  inserting  it.  "  Our  master  and  his  mate  determined 
to  try  some  of  the  chiefe  men  of  the  countrey,  whether 
they  had  any  treacherie  in  them.  So  they  tooke  them 
downe  into  the  cabin,  and  gave  them  so  much  wine  and 
aqua  vitse,  that  they  were  all  merrie  ;  and  one  of  them 
had  his  wife  with  him,  which  sate  so  modestly,  as  any  of 
our  countrey  women  would  do  in  a  strange  place.  In  the 
end,  one  of  them  was  drunke,  which  had  been  aborde  of 
our  ship  all  the  time  that  we  had  been  there,  and  that 
was  strange  to  them,  for  they  could  not  tell  how  to  take 
it."  t 

*  This  river  is  likewise  kid  down  in  Ogilvy's  map  as  Manhattan — 
Noordt  Montaigne  and  Mauritius  river, 
f  Juet's  Journ.  Purch.  Pil. 


9G  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

Having  satisfied  himself  by  this  ingenious  experiment, 
that  the  natives  were  an  honest,  social  race  of  jolly  roys- 
ters,  who  had  no  objection  to  a  drinking-bout  and  were 
very  merry  in  their  cups,  the  old  commodore  chuckled 
hugely  to  himself,  and  thrusting  a  double  quid  of  tobacco 
in  his  cheek,  directed  master  Juet  to  have  it  carefully 
recorded,  for  the  satisfaction  of  .all  the  natural  philos- 
ophers of  the  university  of  Leyden, — which  done,  he 
proceeded  on  his  voyage,  with  great  self-complacency. 
After  sailing,  however,  above  an  hundred  miles  up  tile 
river,  he  found  the  watery  world  around  him.  began  to 
grow  more  shallow  and  confined,  the  current  more  rapid, 
and  perfectly  fresh, — phenomena  not  uncommon  in  tiio 
ascent  of  rivers,  but  which  puzzled  the  honest  Dutchmen 
prodigiously.  A  consultation  was  therefore  called,  and 
having  deliberated  full  six  hours,  they  were  brought  to  a 
determination  by  the  ship's  running  aground, — where- 
upon they  unanimously  concluded,  that  there  was  but 
little  chance  of  getting  to  China  in  this  direction.  A 
boat,  however,  was  despatched  to  explore  higher  up  the 
river,  which,  on  its  return,  confirmed  the  opinion ;  upon 
this  the  ship  was  warped  off  and  put  about,  with  great 
difficulty,  being,  like  most  of  her  sex,  exceedingly  hard  to 
govern;  and  the  adventurous  Hudson,  according  to  the 
account  of  my  great-great-grandfather,  returned  down  the 
river — with  a  prodigious  flea  in  his  ear ! 

Being  satisfied  that  there  was  little  likelihood  of  get- 
ting to  China,  unless,  like  the  blind  man,  he  returned 


HUDSON'S  HONOR.  97 

from  whence  he  set  out,  and  took  a  fresh  start,  he  forth- 
with recrossed  the  sea  to  Holland,  where  he  was  received 
with  great  welcome  by  the  honorable  East  India  Com- 
pany, who  were  very  much  rejoiced  to  see  him  come  back 
safe — with  their  ship ;  and  at  a  large  and  respectable 
meeting  of  the  first  merchants  and  burgomasters  of  Am- 
sterdam, it  was  unanimously  determined,  that,  as  a  munifi- 
cent reward  for  the  eminent  services  he  had  performed, 
and  the  important  discovery  he  had  made,  the  great  river 
Mohegan  should  be  called  after  his  name ! — and  it  con- 
tinues to  bo  called  Hudson  river  unto  this  very  day. 
7 


CHAPTEE  H. 


CONTAINING  AN  ACCOUNT  OF  A  MIGHTY  ARK  WHICH  FLOATED,  UNDER  THE  PRO- 
TECTION OF  ST.  NICHOLAS,  FROM  HOLLAND  TO  GIBBET  ISLAND, — THE  DESCENT 
OF  THE  STRANGE  ANIMALS  THEREFROM, — A  GREAT  VICTORY,  AND  A  DESCRIP- 
TION OF  THE  ANCIENT  VILLAGE  OF  COMMUMPAW. 


HE  delectable  accounts  given  by  the  great  Hud- 
son, and  master  Juet,  of  the  country  they  had 
discovered,  excited  not  a  little  talk  and  specula- 
tion among  the  good  people  of  Holland.  Letters-patent 
were  granted  by  government  to  an  association  of  mer- 
chants, called  the  West  India  Company,  for  the  exclusive 
trade  on  Hudson  river,  on  which  they  erected  a  trading- 
house,  called  Fort  Aurania,  or  Orange,  from  whence  did 
spring  the  great  city  of  Albany.  But  I  forbear  to  dwell 
on  the  various  commercial  and  colonizing  enterprises 
which  took  place, — among  which  was  that  of  Mynheer 
Adrian  Block,  who  discovered  and  gave  a  name  to  Block 
Island,  since  famous  for  its  cheese, — and  shall  barely 
confine  myself  to  that  which  gave  birth  to  this  renowned 
city. 

It  was  some  three  or  four  years  after  the  return  of  the 
immortal  Hendrick,  that  a  crew  of  honest,  Low-Dutch 
colonists  set  sail  from  the  city  of  Amsterdam  for  the 

98 


BRA  VE  PIONEERS.  99 

shores  of  America.  It  is  an  irreparable  loss  to  history, 
and  a  great  proof  of  the  darkness  of  the  age,  and  the  la- 
mentable neglect  of  the  noble  art  of  book-making,  since 
so  industriously  cultivated  by  knowing  sea-captains,  and 
learned  supercargoes,  that  an  expedition  so  interesting 
and  important  in  its  results  should  be  passed  over  in 
utter  silence.  To  my  great-great-grandfather  am  I  again 
indebted  for  the  few  facts  I  am  enabled  to  give  concern- 
ing it, — he  having  once  more  embarked  for  this  country, 
with  a  full  determination,  as  he  said,  of  ending  his  days 
here,  and  of  begetting  a  race  of  Knickerbockers  that 
should  rise  to  be  great  men  in  the  land. 

The  ship  in  which  these  illustrious  adventurers  set  sail 
was  called  the  Goede  Vrouw,  or  good  woman,  in  compli- 
ment to  the  wife  of  the  President  of  the  West  India  Com- 
pany, who  was  allowed  by  everybody  (except  her  hus- 
band) to  be  a  sweet-tempered  lady — when  not  in  liquor. 
It  was  in  truth  a  most  gallant  vessel,  of  the  most  ap- 
proved Dutch  construction,  and  made  by  the  ablest  ship- 
carpenters  of  Amsterdam,  who,  it  is  well  known,  always 
model  their  ships  after  the  fair  forms  of  their  country- 
women. Accordingly  it  had  one  hundred  feet  in  the 
beam,  one  hundred  feet  in  the  keel,  and  one  hundred  foot 
from  the  bottom  of  the  stern-post  to  the  tafferel.  Like 
the  beauteous  model,  who  was  declared  to  be  the  greatest 
belle  in  Amsterdam,  it  was  full  in  the  bows,  with  a  pair 
of  enormous  cat-heads,  a  copper  bottom,  and  withal  a 
most  prodigious  poop !  * 


100  BISTORT  OF  NEW  TORE. 

The  architect,  who  was  somewhat  of  a  religious  man, 
far  from  decorating  the  ship  with  pagan  idols,  such  as 
Jupiter,  Neptune,  or  Hercules,  (which  heathenish  abom- 
inations, I  have  no  doubt,  occasion  the-  misfortunes  and 
shipwreck  of  many  a  noble  vessel,) — he,  I  say  on  the  con- 
trary, did  laudably  erect  for  a  head,  a  goodly  image  of 
St.  Nicholas,  equipped  with  a  low,  broad-brimmed  hat,  a 
huge  pair  of  Flemish  trunk-hose,  and  a  pipe  that  reached 
to  the  end  of  the  bowsprit.  Thus  gallantly  furnished,  the 
stanch  ship  floated  sideways,  like  a  majestic  goose,  out  of 
the  harbor  of  the  great  city  of  Amsterdam,  and  all  the 
bells,  that  were  not  otherwise  engaged,  rang  a  triple  bob- 
major  on  the  joyful  occasion. 

My  great-great-grandfather  remarks,  that  the  voyage 
was  uncommonly  prosperous,  for,  being  under  the  es- 
pecial care  of  the  ever-revered  St.  Nicholas,  the  Goede 
Vrouw  seemed  to  be  endowed  with  qualities  unknown  to 
common  vessels.  Thus  she  made  as  much  leeway  as 
headway,  could  get  along  very  nearly  as  fast  with  the 
wind  ahead  as  when  it  was  a-poop, — and  was  particularly 
great  in  a  calm ;  in  consequence  of  which  singular  advan- 
tages she  made  out  to  accomplish  her  voyage  in  a  very 
few  months,  and  came  to  anchor  at  the  mouth  of  the 
Hudson,  a  little  to  the  east  of  Gibbet  Island. 

Here,  lifting  up  their  eyes,  they  beheld,  on  what  is  at 
present  called  the  Jersey  shore,  a  small  Indian  village, 
pleasantly  embowered  in  a  grove  of  spreading  elms,  and 
the  natives  all  collected  on  the  beach,  gazing  in  stupid 


COMMUNIPAW.  101 

admiration  at  the  Goede  Vrouw.  A  boat  was  immediate- 
ly despatched  to  enter  into  a  treaty  with  them,  and  ap- 
proaching the  shore,  hailed  them  through  a  trumpet,  in 
the  most  friendly  terms ;  but  so  horribly  confounded 
were  these  poor  savages  at  the  tremendous  and  uncouth 
sound  of  the  Low-Dutch  language,  that  they  one  and  all 
took  to  their  heels,  and  scampered  over  the  Bergen  hills ; 
nor  did  they  stop  until  they  had  buried  themselves,  head 
and  ears,  in  the  marshes  on  the  other  side,  where  they  all 
miserably  perished  to  a  man; — and  their  bones,  being 
collected  and  decently  covered  by  the  Tammany  Society 
of  that  day,  formed  that  singular  mound  called  RATTLE- 
SNAKE HILL,  which  rises  out  of  the  centre  of  the  salt 
marshes  a  little  to  the  east  of  the  Newark  Causeway. 

Animated  by  this  unlooked-for  victory,  our  valiant 
heroes  sprang  ashore  in  triumph,  took  possession  of  the 
soil  as  conquerors,  in  the  name  of  their  High  Mighti- 
nesses the  Lords  States  General ;  and,  marching  fearlessly 
forward,  carried  the  village  of  COMMUNIPAW  by  storm,  not- 
withstanding that  it  was  vigorously  defended  by  some 
half  a  score  of  old  squaws  and  pappooses.  On  looking 
about  them  they  were  so  transported  with  the  excellen- 
cies of  the  place,  that  they  had  very  little  doubt  the  bless- 
ed St.  Nicholas  had  guided  them  thither,  as  the  very 
spot  whereon  to  settle  their  colony.  The  softness  of  the 
soil  was  wonderfully  adapted  to  the  driving  of  piles ;  the 
swamps  and  marshes  around  them  afforded  ample  oppor- 
tunities for  the  constructing  of  dykes  and  dams;  the  shal- 


102  HISTORY  'OF  NEW  YORK. 

lowness  of  the  shore  was  peculiarly  favorable  to  the 
building  of  docks ; — in  a  word,  this  spot  abounded  with 
all  the  requisites  for  the  foundation  of  a  great  Dutch 
city.  On  making  a  faithful  report,  therefore,  to  the  crew 
of  the  Goede  Yrouw,  they  one  and  all  determined  that 
this  was  the  destined  end  of  their  voyage.  Accordingly 
they  descended  from  the  Goede  Yrouw,  men,  women,  and 
children,  in  goodly  groups,  as  did  the  animals  of  yore 
from  the  ark,  and  formed  themselves  into  a  thriving  settle- 
ment, which  they  called  by  the  Indian  name  COMMUNIPAW. 
As  all  the  world  is  doubtless  perfectly  acquainted  with 
Communipaw,  it  may  seem  somewhat  superfluous  to  treat 
of  it  in  the  present  work ;  but  my  readers  will  please  to 
recollect,  notwithstanding  it  is  my  chief  desire  to  satisfy 
the  present  age,  yet  I  write  likewise  for  posterity,  and 
have  to  consult  the  understanding  and  curiosity  of  some 
half  a  score  of  centuries  yet  to  come,  by  which  time, 
perhaps,  were  it  not  for  this  invaluable  history,  the 
great  Communipaw,  like  Babylon,  Carthage,  Nineveh, 
and  other  great  cities,  might  be  perfectly  extinct, — sunk 
and  forgotten  in  its  own  mud, — its  inhabitants  turned 
into  oysters,*  and  even  its  situation  a  fertile  subject  of 
learned  controversy  and  hard-headed  investigation  among 
indefatigable  historians.  Let  me  then  piously  rescue 
from  oblivion  the  humble  relics  of  a  place,  which  was  the 
egg  from  whence  was  hatched  the  mighty  city  of  New 
York! 

*  Men  by  inaction  degenerate  into  oysters.—  Kaimes. 


COMMUNIPAW.  103 

Communipaw  is  at  present  but  a  small  village,  pleas- 
antly situated,  among  rural  scenery,  on  that  beauteous 
part  of  the  Jersey  shore  "which  was  known  in  ancient 
legends  by  the  name  of  Pavonia,*  and  commands  a  grand 
prospect  of  the  superb  bay  of  New  York.  It  is  within 
but  half  an  hour's  sail  of  the  latter  place,  provided  you 
have  a  fair  wind,  and  may  be  distinctly  seen  from  the 
city.  Nay,  it  is  a  well-known  fact,  which  I  can  testify 
from  my  own  experience,  that  on  a  clear,  still  summer 
evening,  you  may  hear,  from  the  Battery  of  New  York, 
the  obstreperous  peals  of  broad-mouthed  laughter  of  the 
Dutch  negroes  at  Communipaw,  who,  like  most  other 
negroes,  are  famous  for  their  risible  powers.  This  is 
peculiarly  the  case  on  Sunday  evenings,  when,  it  is  re- 
marked by  an  ingenious  and  observant  philosopher,  who 
has  made  great  discoveries  in  the  neighborhood  of  this 
city,  that  they  always  laugh  loudest,  which  he  attrib- 
utes to  the  circumstance  of  their  having  their  holiday 
clothes  on. 

These  negroes,  in  fact,  like  the  monks  of  the  dark  ages, 
engross  all  the  knowledge  of  the  place,  and  being  infi- 
nitely more  adventurous  and  more  knowing  than  their 
masters,  carry  on  all  the  foreign  trade ;  making  frequent 
voyages  to  town  in  canoes  loaded  with  oysters,  butter- 
milk, and  cabbages.  They  are  great  astrologers,  predict- 
ing the  different  changes  of  weather  almost  as  accurately 

*  Pavonia,  in  the  ancient  maps,  is  given  to  a  tract  of  country  extending 
from  about  Hoboken  to  Amboy. 


104  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

as  an  almanac ;  they  are  moreover  exquisite  performers 
on  three-stringed  fiddles  ;  in  whistling  they  almost  boast 
the  far-famed  powers  of  Orpheus's  lyre,  for  not  a  horse 
or  an  ox  in  the  place,  when  at  the  plough  or  before  the 
wagon,  will  budge  a  foot  until  he  hears  the  well-known 
whistle  of  his  black  driver  and  companion. —  And  from 
their  amazing  skill  at  casting  up  accounts  upon  their 
fingers,  they  are  regarded  with  as  much  veneration  as 
were  the  disciples  of  Pythagoras  of  yore,  when  initiated 
into  the  sacred  quaternary  of  numbers. 

As  to  the  honest  burghers  of  Communipaw,  like  wise 
men  and  sound  philosophers,  they  never  look  beyond 
their  pipes,  nor  trouble  their  heads  about  any  affairs  out 
of  their  immediate  neighborhood;  so  that  they  live  in 
profound  and  enviable  ignorance  of  all  the  troubles,  anx- 
ieties, and  revolutions  of  this  distracted  planet.  I  am 
even  told  that  many  among  them  do  verily  believe  that 
Holland,  of  which  they  have  heard  so  much  from  tradi- 
tion, is  situated  somewhere  on  Long  Island, — that  Spik- 
ing-devil  and  the  Narrows  are  the  two  ends  of  the  world, 
— that  the  country  is  still  under  the  dominion  of  their 
High  Mightinesses, — and  that  the  city  of  New  York  still 
goes  by  the  name  of  Nieuw  Amsterdam.  They  meet 
every  Saturday  afternoon  at  the  only  tavern  in  the  place, 
which  bears  as  a  sign  a  square-headed  likeness  of  the 
Prince  of  Orange,  where  they  smoke  a  silent  pipe,  by 
way  of  promoting  social  conviviality,  and  invariably  drink 
a  mug  of  cider  to  the  success  of  Admiral  Van  Tromp, 


COMMUNIPAW.  105 

who  they  imagine  is  still  sweeping  the  British  channel, 
with  a  broom  at  his  mast-head. 

Commtmipaw,  in  short,  is  one  of  the  numerous  little 
villages  in  the  vicinity  of  this  most  beautiful  of  cities, 
which  are  so  many  strongholds  and  fastnesses,  whither 
the  primitive  manners  of  our  Dutch  forefathers  have  re- 
treated, and  where  they  are  cherished  with  devout  and 
scrupulous  strictness.  The  dress  of  the  original  settlers 
is  handed  down  inviolate,  from  father  to  son  :  the  identi- 
cal broad-brimmed  hat,  broad-skirted  coat,  and  broad- 
bottomed  breeches,  continue  from  generation  to  gener- 
ation ;  and  several  gigantic  knee-buckles  of  massy  silver 
are  still  in  wear,  that  made  gallant  display  in  the  days 
of  the  patriarchs  of  Communipaw.  The  language  like- 
wise continues  unadulterated  by  barbarous  innovations ; 
and  so  critically  correct  is  the  village  schoolmaster  in 
his  dialect,  that  his  reading  of  a  Low-Dutch  psalm  has 
much  the  same  effect  on  the  nerves  as  the  filing  of  a 
handsaw. 


CHAPTER  in. 


IN  WHICH  IS  SET  FORTH  THE  TRUE  ART  OF  MAKING  A  BARGAIN — TOGETHER  WITH 
THE  MIRACULOUS  ESCAPE  OF  A  GREAT  METROPOLIS  IX  A  FOG — AND  THE 
BIOGRAPHY  OF  CERTAIN  HEROES  OF  COMMUNIPAW. 


AVING,  in  the  trifling  digression  which  con- 
cluded the  last  chapter,  discharged  the  filial 
duty  which  the  city  of  New  York  owed  to  Com- 
munipaw,  as  being  the  mother  settlement,  and  having 
given  a  faithful  picture  of  it  as  it  stands  at  present,  I  re- 
turn with  a  soothing  sentiment  of  self-approbation,  to 
dwell  upon  its  early  history.  The  crew  of  the  Goede 
Yrouw  being  soon  reinforced  by  fresh  importations  from 
Holland,  the  settlement  went  jollily  on,  increasing  in 
magnitude  and  prosperity.  The  neighboring  Indians  in  a 
short  time  became  accustomed  to  the  uncouth  sound  of 
the  Dutch  language,  and  an  intercourse  gradually  took 
place  between  them  and  the  new  comers.  The  Indians 
were  much  given  to  long  talks,  and  the  Dutch  to  long 
silence ; — in  this  particular,  therefore,  they  accommodat- 
ed each  other  completely.  The  chiefs  would  make  long 
speeches  about  the  big  bull,  the  Wabash,  and  the  Great 
Spirit,  to  which  the  others  would  listen  very  attentively, 
smoke  their  pipes,  and  grunt  yah,  myn-her, — whereat  the 

106 


FUR  TRADE.  107 

poor  savages  were  wondrously  delighted.  They  instruct- 
ed the  new  settlers  in  the  best  art  of  curing  and  smoking 
tobacco,  while  the  latter,  in  return,  made  them  drunk 
with  true  Hollands — and  then  taught  them  the  art  of 
making  bargains. 

A  brisk  trade  for  furs,  was  soon  opened ;  the  Dutch 
traders  were  scrupulously  honest  in  their  dealings,  and 
purchased  by  weight,  establishing  it  as  an  invariable 
table  of  avoirdupois,  that  the  hand  of  a  Dutchman 
weighed  one  pound,  and  his  foot  two  pounds.  It  is  true, 
the  simple  Indians  were  often  puzzled  by  the  great  dis- 
proportion between  bulk  and  weight,  for  let  them  place 
a  bundle  of  furs,  never  so  large,  in  one  scale,  and  a 
Dutchman  put  his  hand  or  foot  in  the  other,  the  bundle 
was  sure  to  kick  the  beam ; — never  was  a  package  of  furs 
known  to  weigh  more  than  two  pounds  in  the  market  of 
Communipaw ! 

This  is  a  singular  fact, — but  I  have  it  direct  from  my 
great-great-grandfather,  who  had  risen  to  considerable 
importance  in  the  colony,  being  promoted  to  the  office  of 
weigh-master,  on  account  of  the  uncommon  heaviness  of 
his  foot. 

The  Dutch  possessions  in  this  part  of  the  globe  began 
now  to  assume  a  very  thriving  appearance,  and  were 
comprehended  under  the  general  tit]?  of  Nieuw  Neder- 
landts,  on  account,  as  the  sage  Vander  Donck  observes, 
of  their  great  resemblance  to  the  Dutch  Netherlands, — 
which  indeed  was  truly  remarkable,  excepting  that  the 


108  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

former  were  rugged  and  mountainous,  and  the  latter  level 
and  marshy.  About  this  time  the  tranquillity  of  the 
Dutch  colonists  was  doomed  to  suffer  a  temporary  inter- 
ruption. In  1614,  Captain  Sir  Samuel  Argal,  sailing 
under  a  commission  from  Dale,  governor  of  Yirginia, 
visited  the  Dutch  settlements  on  Hudson  Kiver  and 
demanded  their  submission  to  the  English  crown  and 
Virginian  dominion.  To  this  arrogant  demand,  as  they 
were  in  no  condition  to  resist  it,  they  submitted  for  tho 
time,  like  discreet  and  reasonable  men. 

It  does  not  appear  that  the  valiant  Argal  molested 
the  settlement  of  Communipaw ;  on  the  contrary,  I  am 
told  that  when  his  vessel  first  hove  in  sight,  the  worthy 
burghers  were  seized  with  such  a  panic,  that  they  fell  to 
smoking  their  pipes  with  astonishing  vehemence  ;  inso- 
much that  they  quickly  raised  a  cloud,  which,  combining 
with  the  surrounding  woods  and  marshes,  completely 
enveloped  and  concealed  their  beloved  village,  and  over- 
hung the  fair  regions  of  Pavouia, — so  that  the  terrible 
Captain  Argal  passed  on,  totally  unsuspicious  that  a 
sturdy  little  Dutch  settlement  lay  snugly  couched  in  the 
mud,  under  cover  of  all  this  pestilent  vapor.  In  com- 
memoration of  this  fortunate  escape,  the  worthy  inhabi- 
tants have  continued  to  smoke,  almost  without  inter- 
mission, unto  this  very  day;  which  is  said  to  be  the 
cause  of  the  remarkable  fog  which  often  hangs  over  Com- 
munipaw of  a  clear  afternoon. 

Upon  the  departure  of  the  enemy,  our  worthy  ances- 


OLOFFE   VAN  KORTLANDT.  109 

tors  took  full  six  months  to  recover  their  wind  and  get 
over  the  consternation  into  which  they  had  been  thrown. 
They  then  called  a  council  of  safety  to  smoke  over  the 
state  of  the  province.  At  this  council  presided  one 
Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt,  a  personage  who  was  held  in  great 
reverence  among  the  sages  of  Communipaw  for  the  vari- 
ety and  darkness  of  his  knowledge.  He  had  originally 
been  one  of  a  set  of  peripatetic. philosophers  who  passed 
much  of  their  time  sunning  themselves  on  the  side  of 
the  great  canal  of  Amsterdam  in  Holland  ;  enjoying,  like 
Diogenes,  a  free  and  unencumbered  estate  in  sunshine. 
His  name  Kortlandt  (Shortland  or  Lackland)  was  sup- 
posed, like  that  of  the  illustrious  Jean  Sansterre,  to  indi- 
cate that  he  had  no  land;  but  he  insisted,  on  the  con- 
trary, that  he  had  great  landed  estates  somewhere  in 
Terra  Incognita ;  and  he  had  come  out  to  the  new  world 
to  look  after  them.  He  was  the  first  great  land-specula- 
tor that  we  read  of  in  these  parts. 

Like  all  land-speculators,  he  was  much  given  to  dream- 
ing. Never  did  anything  extraordinary  happen  at  Com- 
munipaw but  he  declared  that  he  had  previously  dreamt 
it,  being  one  of  those  infallible  prophets  who  predict 
events  after  they  have  come  to  pass.  This  supernatural 
gift  was  as  highly  valued  among  the  burghers  of  Pavo- 
nia  as  among  the  enlightened  nations  of  antiquity.  The 
wise  Ulysses  was  more  indebted  to  his  sleeping  than  his 
waking  moments  for  his  most  subtle  achievements,  and 
seldom  undertook  any  great  exploit  without  first  soundly 


HO  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

sleeping  upon  it ;  and  the  same  may  be  said  of  Oloffe 
Van  Kortlandt,  who  was  thence  aptly  denominated  Oloffe 
the  Dreamer. 

As  yet  his  dreams  and  speculations  had  turned  to  little 
personal  profit ;  and  he  was  as  much  a  lack-land  as  ever. 
Still  he  carried  a  high  head  in  the  community;  if  his 
sugar-loaf  hat  was  rather  the  worse  for  wear,  he  set  it  off 
with  a  taller  cock's-tail;  if  his  shirt  was  none  of  the 
cleanest,  he  puffed  it  out  the  more  at  the  bosom ;  and  if 
the  tall  of  it  peeped  out  of  a  hole  in  his  breeches,  it  at 
least  proved  that  it  really  had  a  tail  and  was  not  mere 
ruffle. 

The  worthy  Van  Kortlandt,  in  the  council  in  question, 
urged  the  policy  of  emerging  from  the  swamps  of  Com- 
munipaw  and  seeking  some  more  eligible  site  for  the  seat 
of  empire.  Such,  he  said,  was  the  advice  of  the  good  St. 
Nicholas,  who  had  appeared  to  him  in  a  dream  the  night 
before  ;  and  whom  he  had  known  by  his  broad  hat,  his 
long  pipe,  and  the  resemblance  which  he  bore  to  the  fig- 
ure on  the  bow  of  the  Goede  Vrouw. 

Many  have  thought  this  dream  was  a  mere  invention 
of  Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt,  who,  it  is  said,  had  ever  regarded 
Communipaw  with  an  evil  eye  because  he  had  arrived 
there  after  all  the  land  had  been  shared  out,  and  who  was 
anxious  to  change  the  seat  of  empire  to  some  new  place, 
where  he  might  be  present  at  the  distribution  of  "  town 
lots."  But  we  must  not  give  heed  to  such  insinuations, 
which  are  too  apt  to  be  advanced  against  those  worthy 


OLOFFE'S  COADJUTORS.  HI 

gentlemen  engaged  in  laying  out  towns,  and  in  other 
land-speculations.  For  my  own  part,  I  am  disposed  to 
place  the  same  implicit  faith  in  the  vision  of  Oloffe  the 
Dreamer  that  was  manifested  by  the  honest  burghers  of 
Communipaw,  who  one  and  all  agreed  that  an  expedition 
should  be  forthwith  fitted  out  to  go  on  a  voyage  of  dis- 
covery in  quest  of  a  new  seat  of  empire. 

This  perilous  enterprise  was  to  be  conducted  by  Oloffe 
himself;  who  chose  as  lieutenants  or  coadjutors  Myn- 
heers Abraham  Hardenbroeck,  Jacobus  Van  Zandt,  and 
Winant  Ten  Broeck,— three  indubitably  great  men,  but 
of  whose  history,  although  I  have  made  diligent  inquiry, 
I  can  learn  but  little  previous  to  their  leaving  Holland. 
Nor  need  this  occasion  much  surprise ;  for  adventurers, 
like  prophets,  though  they  make  great  noise  abroad,  have 
seldom  much  celebrity  in  their  own  countries;  but  this 
much  is  certain,  that  the  overflowings  and  offscourings  of 
a  country  are  invariably  composed  of  the  richest  parts  of 
the  soil.  And  here  I  cannot  help  remarking  how  con- 
venient it  would  be  to  many  of  our  great  men  and  great 
families  of  doubtful  origin,  could  they  have  the  privilege 
of  the  heroes  of  yore,  who,  whenever  their  origin  was 
involved  in  obscurity,  modestly  announced  themselves 
descended  from  a  god, — and  who  never  visited  a  foreign 
country  but  what  they  told  some  cock-and-bull  stories 
about  their  being  kings  and  princes  at  home.  This  venal 
trespass  on  the  truth,  though  it  has  been  occasionally 
played  off  by  some  pseudo-marquis,  baronet,  and  other 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

illustrious  foreigner,  in  our  land  of  good-natured  cre- 
dulity, Las  been  completely  discountenanced  in  this  skep- 
tical, matter-of-fact  age ;  and  I  even  question  whether 
any  tender  virgin,  who  was  accidentally  and  unaccount- 
ably enriched  with  a  bantling,  would  save  her  character 
at  parlor  firesides  and  evening  tea-parties  by  ascribing 
the  phenomenon  to  a  swan,  a  shower  of  gold,  or  a  river 
god. 

Had  I  the  benefit  of  mythology  and  classic  fable  above 
alluded  to,  I  should  have  furnished  the  first  of  the  trio 
with  a  pedigree  equal  to  that  of  the  proudest  hero  of  an- 
tiquity. His  name,  Van  Zandt,  that  is  to  say,  from  the 
sand,  or,  in  common  parlance,  from  the  dirt,  gave  rea- 
son to  suppose  that,  like  Triptolemus,  Themes,  the 
Cyclops,  and  the  Titans,  he  had  sprung  from  Dame  Terra, 
or  the  earth !  This  supposition  is  strongly  corroborated 
by  his  size,  for  it  is  well  known  that  all  the  progeny 
of  mother  earth  were  of  a  gigantic  stature ;  and  Van 
Zandt,  we  are  told,  was  a  tall,  raw-boned  man,  above 
six  feet  high,  with  an  astonishingly  hard  head.  Nor  is 
this  origin  of  the  illustrious  Van  Zandt  a  whit  more  im- 
probable or  repugnant  to  belief  than  what  is  related  and 
universally  admitted  of  certain  of  our  greatest,  or  rather 
richest  men ;  who,  we  are"  told  with  the  utmost  gravity, 
did  originally  spring  from  a  dunghill ! 

Of  the  second  of  the  trio  but  faint  accounts  have 
reached  to  this  time,  which  mention  that  he  was  a  sturdy, 
obstinate,  worrying,  bustling  little  man ;  and,  from  being 


TEN  BROECK.  113 

usually  equipped  in  an  old  pair  of  buckskins,  was  famil- 
iarly dubbed  Harden  Broeck  :  that  is  to  say,  Hard  in  the 
Breech,  or,  as  it  was  generally  rendered,  Tough  Breeches. 

Ten  Broeck  completed  this  junto  of  adventurers.  It  is 
a  singular  but  ludicrous  fact, — which,  were  I  not  scrupu- 
lous in  recording  the  whole  truth,  I  should  almost  be 
tempted  to  pass  over  in  silence  as  incompatible  with  the 
gravity  and  dignity  of  history, — that  this  worthy  gentle- 
man should  likewise  have  been  nicknamed  from  what  in 
modern  times  is  considered  the  most  ignoble  part  of  the 
dress.  But  in  truth  the  small-clothes  seems  to  have  been 
a  very  dignified  garment  in  the  eyes  of  our  venerated 
ancestors,  in  all  probability  from  its  covering  that  part 
of  the  body  which  has  been  pronounced  "the  seat  of 
honor." 

The  name  of  Ten  Broeck,  or,  as  it  was  sometimes 
spelled,  Tin  Broeok,  has  been  indifferently  translated  into 
Ten  Breeches  and  Tin  Breeches.  Certain  elegant  and  in- 
genious writers  on  the  subject  declare  in  favor  of  Tin,  or 
rather  Thin  Breeches ;  whence  they  infer  that  the  origi- 
nal bearer  of  it  was  a  poor  but  merry  rogue,  whose 
galligaskins  were  none  of  the  soundest,  and  who,  perad- 
venture,  may  have  been  the  author  of  that  truly  philo- 
sophical stanza  : — 

"  Then  why  should  we  quarrel  for  riches, 

Or  any  such  glittering  toys  ; 
A  light  heart  and  thin  pair  of  breeches, 
Will  go  through  the  world,  my  brave  boys  !  " 

8 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

The  more  accurate  commentators,  however,  declare  in 
favor  of  the  other  reading,  and  affirm  that  the  worthy  in 
question  was  a  burly,  bulbous  man,  who,  in  sheer  osten- 
tation of  his  venerable  progenitors,  was  the  first  to  intro- 
duce into  the  settlement  the  ancient  Dutch  fashion  of  ten 
pair  of  breeches. 

Such  was  the  trio  of  coadjutors  chosen  by  Oloffe  the 
Dreamer  to  accompany  him  in  this  voyage  into  unknown 
realms ;  as  to  the  names  of  his  crews,  they  have  not  been 
handed  down  by  history. 

Having,  as  I  before  observed,  passed  much  of  his  life 
in  the  open  air,  among  the  peripatetic  philosophers  of 
Amsterdam,  Oloffe  had  become  familiar  with  the  aspect 
of  the  heavens,  and  could  as  accurately  determine  when 
a  storm  was  brewing  or  a  squall  rising,  as  a  dutiful  hus- 
band can  foresee,  from  the  brow  of  his  spouse,  when  a 
tempest  is  gathering  about  his  ears.  Having  pitched 
upon  a  time  for  his  voyage  when  the  skies  appeared  pro- 
pitious, he  exhorted  all  his  crews  to  take  a  good  night's 
rest,  wind  up  their  family  affairs,  and  make  their  wills ; 
precautions  taken  by  our  forefathers  even  in  after-times 
when  they  became  more  adventurous,  and  voyaged  to 
Haverstraw,  or  Kaatskill,  or  Groodt  Esopus,  or  any  other 
far  country,  beyond  the  great  waters  of  the  Tappaan  Zee. 


CHAPTER  IV. 


HOW  THE  HEROES  OF  COMMUNIPAW  VOYAGED  TO  HELL-GATE,  AND  HOW  THEY 
WERE  RECEIVED  THERE. 


ND  now  the  rosy  blush  of  morn  began  to  mantle 
in  the  east,  and  soon  the  rising  sun,  emerging 
from  amidst  golden  and  purple  clouds,  shed  his 
blithesome  rays  on  the  tin  weathercocks  of  Communi- 
paw.  It  was  that  delicious  season  of  the  year,  when  na- 
ture, breaking  from  the  chilling  thraldom  of  old  winter, 
like  a  blooming  damsel  from  the  tyranny  of  a  sordid  old 
father,  threw  herself,  blushing  with  ten  thousand  charms, 
into  the  arms  of  youthful  spring.  Every  tufted  copse 
and  blooming  grove  resounded  with  the  notes  of  hyme- 
neal love.  The  very  insects,  as  they  sipped  the  dew  that 
gemmed  the  tender  grass  of  the  meadows,  joined  in  the 
joyous  epithalamium, — the  virgin  bud  timidly  put  forth 
its  blushes,  "the  voice  of  the  turtle  was  heard  in  the 
land,"  and  the  heart  of  man  dissolved  away  in  tenderness. 
Oh!  sweet  Theocritus!  had  I  thine  oaten  reed,  where- 
with thou  erst  did  charm  the  gay  Sicilian  plains  ; — or, 
oh !  gentle  Bion !  thy  pastoral  pipe,  wherein  the  happy 
swains  of  the  Lesbian  isle  so  much  delighted,  then  might 
I  attempt  to  sing,  in  soft  Bucolic  or  negligent  Idyllium, 

115 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

the  rural  beauties  of  the  scene ; — -but  having  nothing, 
save  this  jaded  goosequill,  wherewith  to  wing  my  flight,  I 
must  fain  resign  all  poetic  disportings  of  the  fancy  and 
pursue  my  narrative  in  humble  prose  ;  comforting  myself 
with  the  hope,  that,  though  it  may  not  steal  so  sweetly 
upon  the  imagination  of  my  reader,  yet  it  may  commend 
itself  with  virgin  modesty  to  his  better  judgment,  clothed 
in  the  chaste  and  simple  garb  of  truth. 

No  sooner  did  the  first  rays  of  cheerful  Phoebus  dart 
into  the  windows  of  Communipaw,  than  the  little  settle- 
ment was  all  in  motion.  Forth  issued  from  his  castle  the 
sage  Van  Kortlandt,  and  seizing  a  conch  shell,  blew  a  far 
resounding  blast,  that  soon  summoned  all  his  lusty  fol- 
lowers. Then  did  they  trudge  resolutely  down  to  the 
water-side,  escorted  by  a  multitude  of  relatives  and 
friends,  who  all  went  down,  as  the  common  phrase  ex- 
presses it,  "  to  see  them  off."  And  this  shows  the  antiq- 
uity of  those  long  family  processions,  often  seen  in  our 
city,  composed  of  all  ages,  sizes,  and  sexes,  laden  with 
bundles  and  bandboxes,  escorting  some  bevy  of  country 
cousins,  about  to  depart  for  home  in  a  market-boat. 

The  good  Oloffe  bestowed  his  forces  in  a  squadron  of 
three  canoes,  and  hoisted  his  flag  on  board  a  little  round 
Dutch  boat,  shaped  not  unlike  a  tub,  which  had  formerly 
been  the  jolly-boat  of  the  Goede  Vrouw.  And  now,  all 
being  embarked,  they  bade  farewell  to  the  gazing  throng 
upon  the  beach,  who  continued  shouting  after  them,  even 
when  out  of  hearing,  wishing  them  a  happy  voyage,  ad- 


HOW  THE  ISLANDS  CAME.  117 

vising  them  to  take  good  care  of  themselves  not  to  get 
drowned, — with  an  abundance  other  of  those  sage  and 
invaluable  cautions,  generally  given  by  landsmen  to  such 
as  go  down  to  the  sea  in  ships,  and  adventure  upon 
the  deep  waters.  In  the  meanwhile  the  voyagers  cheer- 
ily urged  their  course  across  the  crystal  bosom  of  the 
bay,  and  soon  left  behind  them  the  green  shores  of  an- 
cient Pavonia. 

And  first  they  touched  at  two  small  islands  which  lay 
nearly  opposite  Communipaw,  and  which  are  said  to  have 
been  brought  into  existence  about  the  time  of  the  great 
irruption  of  the  Hudson,  when  it  broke  through  the 
Highlands  and  made  its  way  to  the  ocean.*  For  in  this 
tremendous  uproar  of  the  waters,  we  are  told  that  many 
huge  fragments  of  rock  and  land  were  rent  from  the 
mountains  and  swept  down  by  this  runaway  river,  for 
sixty  or  seventy  miles ;  where  some  of  them  ran  aground 
on  the  shoals  just  opposite  Communipaw,  and  formed  the 
identical  islands  in  question,  while  others  drifted  out  to 
sea,  and  were  never  heard  of  more  !  A  sufficient  proof  of 

*  It  is  a  matter  long  since  established  by  certain  of  our  philosophers, — 
that  is  to  say,  having  been  often  advanced,  and  never  contradicted,  it  has 
grown  to  be  pretty  nigh  equal  to  a  settled  fact, — that  the  Hudson  was 
originally  a  lake  dammed  up  by  the  mountains  of  the  Highlands.  In 
process  of  time,  however,  becoming  very  mighty  and  obstreperous,  and 
the  mountains  waxing  pursy,  dropsical,  and  weak  in  the  back,  by  reason 
of  their  extreme  old  age,  it  suddenly  rose  upon  them,  and  after  a  violent 
struggle  effected  its  escape.  This  is  said  to  have  come  to  pass  in  very 
remote  time,  probably  before  that  rivers  had  lost  the  art  of  running  uphill. 
The  foregoing  is  a  theory  in  which  I  do  not  pretend  to  be  skilled,  notwith- 
standing that  I  do  fully  give  it  my  beliet 


118  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

the  fact  is,  that  the  rock  which  forms  the  bases  of  these 
islands  is  exactly  similar  to  that  of  the  Highlands,  and, 
moreover,  one  of  our  philosophers,  who  has  diligently 
compared  the  agreement  of  their  respective  surfaces,  has 
even  gone  so  far  as  to  assure  me,  in  confidence,  that  Gib- 
bet Island  was  originally  nothing  more  nor  less  than  a 
wart  on  Anthony's  nose.* 

Leaving  these  wonderful  little  isles,  they  next  coasted 
by  Governor's  Island,  since  terrible  from  its  frowning 
fortress  and  grinning  batteries.  They  would  by  no 
means,  however,  land  upon  this  island,  since  they  doubt- 
ed much  it  might  be  the  abode  of  demons  and  spirits, 
which  in  those  days  did  greatly  abound  throughout  this 
savage  and  pagan  country. 

Just  at  this  time  a  shoal  of  jolly  porpoises  came  roll- 
ing and  tumbling  by,  turning  up  their  sleek  sides  to  the 
sun,  and  spouting  up  the  briny  element  in  sparkling 
showers.  No  sooner  did  the  sage  Oloffe  mark  this,  than 
he  was  greatly  rejoiced.  "  This,"  exclaimed  he,  "  if  I 
mistake  not,  augurs  well :  the  porpoise  is  a  fat,  well-con- 
ditioned fish, — a  burgomaster  among  fishes, — his  looks 
betoken  ease,  plenty,  and  prosperity ;  I  greatly  admire 
this  round  fat  fish,  and  doubt  not  but  this  is  a  happy 
omen  of  the  success  of  our  undertaking."  So  saying,  he 
directed  his  squadron  to  steer  in  the  track  of  these 
alderman  fishes. 

*  A  promontory  in  the  Highlands. 


THROUGH  THE  EAST  RIVER,         119 

Turning,  therefore,  directly  to  the  left,  they  swept  up 
the  strait  vulgarly  called  the  East  River.  And  here  the 
rapid  tide  which  courses  through  this  strait,  seizing  on 
the  gallant  tub  in  which  Commodore  Van  Kortlandt  had 
embarked,  hurried  it  forward  with  a  velocity  unparalleled 
in  a  Dutch  boat,  navigated  by  Dutchmen  ;  insomuch  that 
the  good  commodore,  who  had  all  his  life  long  been  ac- 
customed only  to  the  drowsy  navigation  of  canals,  was 
more  than  ever  convinced  that  they  were  in  the  hands  of 
some  supernatural  power,  and  that  the  jolly  porpoises 
were  towing  them  to  some  fair  haven  that  was  to  fulfil 
all  their  wishes  and  expectations. 

Thus  borne  away  by  the  resistless  current,  they  dou- 
bled that  boisterous  point  of  land  since  called  Corlear's 
Hook,*  and  leaving  to  the  right  the  rich  winding  cove 
of  the  Wallabout,  they  drifted  into  a  magnificent  expanse 
of  water,  surrounded  by  pleasant  shores,  whose  verdure 
was  exceedingly  refreshing  to  the  eye.  While  the  voy- 
agers were  looking  around  them,  on  what  they  conceived 
to  be  a  serene  and  sunny  lake,  they  beheld  at  a  distance 
a  crew  of  painted  savages,  busily  employed  in  fishing, 
who  seemed  more  like  the  genii  of  this  romantic  region, 
— their  slender  canoe  lightly  balanced  like  a  feather  on 
the  undulating  surface  of  the  bay. 

At  sight  of  these  the  hearts  of  the  heroes  of  Commu- 
nipaw  were  not  a  little  troubled.  But  as  good-fortune 

*  Properly  spelt  hoeck  (i.  e.  a  point  of  land). 


120  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

would  have  it,  at  the  bow  of  the  commodore's  boat  was 
stationed  a  very  valiant  man,  named  Hendrick  Kip 
(which,  being  interpreted,  means  chicken,  a  name  given 
him  in  token  of  his  courage).  No  sooner  did  he  behold 
these  varlet  heathens  than  he  trembled  with  excessive 
valor,  and  although  a  good  half-mile  distant,  he  seized  a 
musketoon  that  lay  at  hand,  and  turning  away  his  head, 
fired  it  most  intrepidly  in  the  face  of  the  blessed  sun. 
The  blundering  weapon  recoiled  and  gave  the  valiant 
Kip  an  ignominious  kick,  which  laid  him  prostrate  with 
uplifted  heels  in  the  bottom  of  the  boat.  But  such  was 
the  effect  of  this  tremendous  fire,  that  tho  wild  men  of 
the  woods,  struck  with  consternation,  seized  hastily  upon 
their  paddles,  and  shot  away  into  one  of  the  deep  inlets 
of  the  Long  Island  shore. 

This  signal  victory  gave  new  spirits  to  the  voyagers ; 
and  in  honor  of  the  achievement  they  gavo  the  name  of 
the  valiant  Kip  to  the  surrounding  bay,  and  it  has  con- 
tinued to  be  called  KIP'S  BAY  from  that  time  to  the  pres- 
ent. The  heart  of  the  good  Van  Kortlandt — who,  having 
no  land  of  his  own,  was  a  great  admirer  of  other  people's 
— expanded  to  the  full  size  of  a  pepper-corn  at  the  sump- 
tuous prospect  of  rich  unsettled  country  around  him,  and 
falling  into  a  delicious  re  very,  he  straightway  began  to 
riot  in  the  possession  of  vast  meadows  of  rfalt  marsh  and 
interminable  patches  of  cabbages.  From  this  delectable 
vision  he  was  all  at  once  awakened  by  the  sudden  turn- 
ing of  the  tide,  which  would  soon  have  hurried  him  from 


A  DISCUSSION.  121 

tliis  land  of  promise,  had  not  the  discreet  navigator  given 
signal  to  steer  for  shore ;  where  they  accordingly  landed 
hard  by  tlio  rocky  heights  of  Bellevue, — that  happy  re- 
treat, where  our  jolly  aldermen  eat  for  the  good  of  the 
city,  and  fatten  the  turtle  that  are  sacrificed  on  civic 
solemnities. 

Here,  seated  on  the  greensward,  by  the  side  of  a  small 
stream  that  ran  sparkling  among  the  grass,  they  refresh- 
ed themselves  after  the  toils  of  the  seas,  by  feasting 
lustily  on  the  ample  stores  which  they  had  provided  for 
this  perilous  voyage.  Thus  having  well  fortified  their 
deliberative  powers,  they  fell  into  an  earnest  consulta- 
tion, what  was  farther  to  be  done.  This  was  the  first 
council-dinner  ever  eaten  at  Bellevue  by  Christian  burgh- 
ers ;  and  here,  as  tradition  relates,  did  originate  the  great 
family  feud  between  the  Hardenbroecks  and  the  Ten- 
broecks,  which  afterwards  had  a  singular  influence  on  the 
building  of  the  city.  The  sturdy  Hardenbroeck,  whose 
eyes  had  been  wondrously  delighted  with  the  salt  marshes 
which  spread  their  reeking  bosoms  along  the  coast,  at 
the  bottom  of  Kip's  Bay,  counselled  by  all  means  to  re- 
turn thither,  and  found  the  intended  city.  This  was 
strenuously  opposed  by  the  unbending  Ten  Broeck,  and 
many  testy  arguments  passed  between  them.  The  partic- 
ulars of  this  controversy  have  not  reached  us,  which  is 
ever  to  be  lamented ;  this  much  is  certain,  that  the  sage 
Oloffe  put  an  end  to  the  dispute  by  determining  to  ex- 
plore still  farther  in  the  route  which  the  mysterious 


122  HISTORY  OF  NEW   TORK. 

porpoises  tad  so  clearly  pointed  out; — whereupon  the 
sturdy  Tough  Breeches  abandoned  the  expedition,  took 
possession  of  a  neighboring  hill,  and  in  a  fit  of  great 
wrath  peopled  all  that  tract  of  country,  which  has  con- 
tinued to  be  inhabited  by  the  Hardenbroecks  unto  this 
very  day. 

By  this  time  the  jolly  Phoebus,  like  some  wanton  urchin 
sporting  on  the  side  of  a  green  hill,  began  to  roll  down 
the  declivity  of  the  heavens ;  and  now,  the  tide  having 
once  more  turned  in  their  favor,  the  Pavonians  again 
committed  themselves  to  its  discretion,  and  coasting 
along  the  western  shores,  were  borne  towards  the  straits 
of  Blaclv  well's  Island. 

And  here  the  capricious  wanderings  of  the  current  oc- 
casioned not  a  little  marvel  and  perplexity  to  these  illus- 
trious mariners.  Now  would  they  be  caught  by  the  wan- 
ton eddies,  and,  sweeping  round  a  jutting  point,  would 
wind  deep  into  some  romantic  little  cove,  that  indented 
the  fair  island  of  Manna  hatta ;  now  were  they  hurried 
narrowly  by  the  very  bases  of  impending  rocks,  mantled 
with  the  flaunting  grape-vine,  and  crowned  with  groves 
which  threw  a  broad  shade  on  the  waves  beneath ;  and 
anon  they  were  borne  away  into  the  mid-channel  and 
wafted  along  with  a  rapidity  that  very  much  discomposed 
the  sage  Van  Kortlandt,  who,  as  he  saw  the  land  swiftly 
receding  on  either  side,  began  exceedingly  to  doubt  that 
terra  firma  was  giving  them  the  slip. 

Wherever  the  voyagers  turned  their  eyes,  a  new  crea- 


WITCHING  SCENES.  123 

tion  seemed  to  bloom  around.  No  signs  of  human  thrift 
appeared  to  check  the  delicious  wildness  of  nature, 
who  here  revelled  in  all  her  luxuriant  variety.  Those 
hills,  now  bristled,  like  the  fretful  porcupine,  with  rows 
of  poplars,  (vain  upstart  plants !  minions  of  wealth  and 
fashion !)  were  then  adorned  with  the  vigorous  natives 
of  the  soil :  the  lordly  oak,  the  generous  chestnut,  the 
graceful  elm, — while  here  and  there  the  tulip-tree  reared 
its  majestic  head,  the  giant  of  the  forest.  "Where  now 
are  seen  the  gay  retreats  of  luxury, — villas  half  buried  in 
twilight  bowers,  whence  the  amorous  flute  oft  breathes 
the  sighings  of  some  city  swain, — there  the  fish-hawk 
built  his  solitary  nest  on  some  dry  tree  that  overlooked 
his  watery  domain.  The  timid  deer  fed  undisturbed 
along  those  shores  now  hallowed  by  the  lovers'  moon- 
light walk,  and  printed  by  the  slender  foot  of  beauty; 
and  a  savage  solitude  extended  over  those  happy  regions, 
where  now  are  reared  the  stately  towers  of  the  Joneses, 
the  Schermerhornes,  and  the  Rhinelanders. 

Thus  gliding  in  silent  wonder  through  these  new  and 
unknown  scenes,  the  gallant  squadron  of  Pavonia  swept 
by  the  foot  of  a  promontory,  which  strutted  forth  boldly 
into  the  waves,  and  seemed  to  frown  upon  them  as  they 
brawled  against  its  base.  This  is  the  bluff  well  known 
to  modern  mariners  by  the  name  of  Gracie's  Point,  from 
the  fair  castle  which,  like  an  elephant,  it  carries  upon  its 
back.  And  here  broke  upon  their  view  a  wild  and  varied 
prospect,  where  land  and  water  were  beauteously  inter- 


124  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

mingled,  as  though  they  had  combined  to  heighten  and 
set  off  each  other's  charms.  To  the  right  lay  the  sedgy 
point  of  Blackwell's  Island,  drest  in  the  fresh  garniture 
of  living  green, — beyond  it  stretched  the  pleasant  coast 
of  Sundswick,  and  the  small  harbor  well  known  by  the 
name  of  Ballet's  Cove, — a  place  infamous  in  latter  days, 
by  reason  of  its  being  the  haunt  of  pirates  who  infest 
these  seas,  robbing  orchards  and  watermelon  patches, 
and  insulting  gentlemen  navigators,  when  voyaging  in 
their  pleasure-boats.  To  the  left  a  deep  bay,  or  rather 
creek,  gracefully  receded  between  shores  fringed  with 
forests,  and  forming  a  kind  of  vista,  through  which  were 
beheld  the  sylvan  regions  of  Haerlem,  Morrisania,  and 
East  Chester.  Here  the  eye  reposed  with  delight  on  a 
richly  wooded  country,  diversified  by  tufted  knolls,  shad- 
owy intervals,  and  waving  lines  of  upland,  swelling  above 
each  other,  while  over  the  whole  the  purple  mists  of 
spring  diffused  a  hue  of  soft  voluptuousness. 

Just  before  them  the  grand  course  of  the  stream, 
making  a  sudden  bend,  wound  among  embowered  prom- 
ontories and  shores  of  emerald  verdure,  that  seemed  to 
melt  into  the  wave.  A  character  of  gentleness  and  mild 
fertility  prevailed  around.  The  sun  had  just  descended, 
and  the  thin  haze  of  twilight,  like  a  transparent  veil 
drawn  over  the  bosom  of  virgin  baauty,  heightened  the 
charms  which  it  half  concealed. 

Ah!  witching  scenes  of  foul  delusion.  Ah!  hapless 
voyagers,  gazing  with  simple  wonder  on  these  Circean 


HELL  GATE.  125 

shores !  Such,  alas !  are  they,  poor  easy  souls,  who  listen 
to  the  seductions  of  a  wicked  world, — treacherous  are  its 
smiles!  fatal  its  caresses.  He  who  yields  to  its  entice- 
ments launches  upon  a  whelming  tide,  and  trusts  his  fee- 
ble bark  among  the  dimpling  eddies  of  a  whirlpool !  And 
thus  it  fared  with  the  worthies  of  Pavonia,  who,  little 
mistrusting  the  guileful  scene  before  them,  drifted  quiet- 
ly on,  until  they  were  aroused  by  an  uncommon  tossing 
and  agitation  of  their  vessels.  For  now  the  late  dimpling 
current  began  to  brawl  around  them,  and  the  waves  to 
boil  and  foam  with  horrific  fury.  Awakened  as  if  from  a 
dream,  the  astonished  Oloffe  bawled  aloud  to  put  about, 
but  his  words  were  lost  amid  the  roaring  of  the  waters. 
And  now  ensued  a  scene  of  direful  consternation.  At  one 
time  they  were  borne  with  dreadful  velocity  among  tu- 
multuous breakers ;  at  another,  hurried  down  boisterous 
rapids.  Now  they  were  nearly  dashed  upon  the  Hen  and 
Chickens ;  (infamous  rocks ! — more  voracious  than  Scylla 
and  her  whelps;)  and  anon  they  seemed  sinking  into 
yawning  gulfs,  that  threatened  to  entomb  them  beneath 
the  waves.  All  the  elements  combined  to  produce  a 
hideous  confusion.  The  waters  raged,  the  winds  howled; 
and  as  they  were  hurried  along,  several  of  the  astonished 
mariners  beheld  the  rocks  and  trees  of  the  neighboring 
shores  driving  through  the  air! 

At  length  the  mighty  tub  of  Commodore  Van  Kortlandt 
was  drawn  into  the  vortex  of  that  tremendous  whirlpool 
called  the  Pot,  where  it  was  whirled  about  in  giddy 


126  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

mazes,  until  the  senses  of  the  good  commander  and  his 
crew  were  overpowered  by  the  horror  of  the  scene,  and 
the  strangeness  of  the  revolution. 

How  the  gallant  squadron  of  Pavonia  was  snatched 
from  the  jaws  of  this  modern  Charybdis,  has  never  been 
truly  made  known,  for  so  many  survived  to  tell  the  tale, 
and,  what  is  still  more  wonderful,  told  it  in  so  many  dif- 
ferent ways,  that  there  has  ever  prevailed  a  great  variety 
of  opinions  on  the  subject. 

As  to  the  commodore  and  his  crew,  when  they  came 
to  their  senses,  they  found  themselves  stranded  on  the 
Long  Island  shore.  The  worthy  commodore,  indeed, 
used  to  relate  many  and  wonderful  stories  of  his  adven- 
tures in  this  time  of  peril :  how  that  he  saw  spectres 
flying  in  the  air,  and  heard  the  yelling  of  hobgoblins, 
and  put  his  hand  into  the  pot  when  they  were  whirled 
round,  and  found  the  water  scalding  hot,  and  beheld  sev- 
eral uncouth-looking  beings  seated  on  rocks  and  skim- 
ming it  with  huge  ladles ;  but  particularly  he  declared 
with  great  exultation,  that  he  saw  the  losel  porpoises, 
which  had  betrayed  them  into  this  peril,  some  broiling 
on  the  Gridiron,  and  others  hissing  on  the  Frying-pan ! 

These,  however,  were  considered  by  many  as  mere 
fantasies  of  the  commodore,  while  he  lay  in  a  trance ; 
especially  as  he  was  known  to  be  given  to  dreaming; 
and  the  truth  of  them  has  never  been  clearly  ascertained. 
It  is  certain,  however,  that  to  the  accounts  of  Oloffe  and 
his  followers  may  be  traced  the  various  traditions  handed 


HELLE-GAT.  127 

down  of  this  marvellous  strait :  as  how  the  devil  has 
been  seen  there,  sitting  astride  of  the  Hog's  Back  and 
playing  on  the  fiddle, — how  he  broils  fish  there  before  a 
storm;  and  many  other  stories  in  which  we  must  be 
cautious  of  putting  too  much  faith.  In  consequence  of 
all  these  terrific  circumstances,  the  Pavonian  commander 
gave  this  pass  the  name  of  Hette-gat,  or,  as  it  has  been 
interpreted,  Hell-  Gate ;  *  which  it  continues  to  bear  at 
the  present  day. 

*  This  is  a  narrow  strait  in  the  Sound,  at  the  distance  of  six  miles 
above  New  York.  It  is  dangerous  to  shipping,  unless  under  the  care 
of  skilful  pilots,  by  reason  of  numerous  rocks,  shelves,  and  whirlpools. 
These  have  received  sundry  appellations,  such  as  the  Gridiron,  Frying- 
pan,  Hog's  Back,  Pot,  &c.,  and  are  very  violent  and  turbulent  at  certain 
times  of  tide.  Certain  mealy-mouthed  men,  of  squeamish  consciences, 
who  are  loth  to  give  the  Devil  his  due,  have  softened  the  above  character- 
istic name  into  Hurl-gate,  forsooth!  Let  those  take  care  how  they  venture 
into  the  Gate,  or  they  may  be  hurled  into  the  Pot  before  they  are  aware  of 
it.  The  name  of  this  strait,  as  given  by  our  author,  is  supported  by  the 
map  in  Vander  Donck's  history,  published  in  1656, — by  Ogilvie's  History 
of  America,  1671, — as  also  by  a  journal  still  extant,  written  in  the  16th 
century,  and  to  be  found  in  Hazard's  State  Papers.  And  an  old  MS. 
written  in  French,  speaking  of  various  alterations  in  names  about  this 
city,  observes,  "-De  Helh-yat,  trou  d'Enfer,  Us  ont  fait  Hell-gate,  Porte 
d'Enfer." 


CHAPTEE  V. 

HOW  THE  HEROES  OF  COMMTJNIPAW  RETURNED  SOMEWHAT  WISER  THAN  THEY 
WENT — AND  HOW  THE  SAGE  OLOFFE  DREAMED  A  DKEAM — AND  THE  DREAM 
THAT  HE  DREAMED. 

JJHE  darkness  of  night  had  closed  upon  this  dis- 
astrous day,  and  a  doleful  night  was  it  to  the 
shipwrecked  Pavonians,  whose  ears  were  inces- 
santly assailed  with  the  raging  of  the  elements,  and  the 
howling  of  the  hobgoblins  that  infested  this  perfidious 
strait.  But  wrhen  the  morning  dawned,  the  horrors  of 
the  preceding  evening  had  passed  away ;  rapids,  break- 
ers, and  whirlpools  had  disappeared ;  the  stream  again 
ran  smooth  and  dimpling,  and  having  changed  its  tide, 
rolled  gently  back,  towards  the  quarter  where  lay  their 
much-regretted  home. 

The  woe-begone  heroes  of  Communipaw  eyed  each 
other  with  rueful  countenances  ;  their  squadron  had  been 
totally  dispersed  by  the  late  disaster.  Some  were  cast 
upon  the  western  shore,  where,  headed  by  one  Kuleff 
Hopper,  they  took  possession  of  all  the  country  lying 
about  the  six-mile  stone  ;  which  is  held  by  the  Hoppers 
at  this  present  writing. 

The  Waldrons  were  driven  by  stress  of  weather  to  a 

123 


THE  FATE  OF  THE  TRAVELLERS.  129 

distant  coast,  where,  having  with  them  a  jug  of  genuine 
Hollands,  they  were  enabled  to  conciliate  the  savages, 
setting  up  a  kind  of  tavern ;  whence,  it  is  said,  did  spring 
the  fair  town  of  Haerlem,  in  which  their  descendants 
have  ever  since  continued  to  be  reputable  publicans.  As 
to  the  Suydams,  they  were  thrown  upon  the  Long  Island 
coast,  and  may  still  be  found  in  those  parts.  But  the 
most  singular  luck  attended  the  great  Ten  Broeck,  who, 
falling  overboard,  was  miraculously  preserved  from  sink- 
ing by  the  multitude  of  his  nether  garments.  Thus 
buoyed  up,  he  floated  on  the  waves  like  a  merman,  or 
like  an  angler's  dobber,  until  he  landed  safely  on  a  rock, 
where  he  was  found  the  next  morning,  busily  drying  his 
many  breeches  in  the  sunshine. 

I  forbear  to  treat  of  the  long  consultation  of  Oloffe 
with  his  remaining  followers,  in  which  they  determined 
that  it  would  never  do  to  found  a  city  in  so  diabolical  a 
neighborhood.  Suffice  it  in  simple  brevity  to  say,  that 
they  once  more  committed  themselves,  with  fear  and 
trembling,  to  the  briny  elements,  and  steered  their 
course  back  again  through  the  scenes  of  their  yesterday's 
voyage,  determined  no  longer  to  roam  in  search  of  dis- 
tant sites,  but  to  settle  themselves  down  in  the  marshy 
regions  of  Pavonia. 

Scarce,  however,  had  they  gained  a  distant  view  of 
Communipaw,  when  they  were  encountered  by  an  ob- 
stinate eddy,  which  opposed  their  homeward  voyage, 
Weary  and  dispirited  as  they  were,  they  yet  tugged  a 
9 


130  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK 

feeble  oar  against  the  stream ;  until,  as  if  to  settle  the 
strife,  half  a  score  of  potent  billows  rolled  the  tub  of 
Commodore  Yan  Kortlandt  high  and  dry  on  the  long 
point  of  an  island  which  divided  the  bosom  of  the  bay. 

Some  pretend  that  these  billows  were  sent  by  old  Nep- 
tune to  strand  the  expedition  on  a  spot  whereon  was  to 
be  founded  his  stronghold  in  this  western  world  ;  others, 
more  pious,  attribute  everything  to  the  guardianship  of 
the  good  Si  Nicholas ;  and  after-events  will  be  found  to 
corroborate  this  opinion.  Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt  was  a 
devout  trencherman.  Every  repast  was  a  kind  of  re- 
ligious rite  with  him  ;  and  his  first  thought  on  finding 
him  once  more  on  dry  ground,  was,  how  he  should  con- 
trive to  celebrate  his  wonderful  escape  from  Hell-gate 
and  all  its  horrors  by  a  solemn  banquet.  The  stores 
which  had  been  provided  for  the  voyage  by  the  good 
housewives  of  Communipaw  were  nearly  exhausted,  but, 
in  casting  his  eyes  about,  the  commodore  beheld  that  the 
shore  abounded  with  oysters.  A  great  store  of  these 
was  instantly  collected  ;  a  fire  was  made  at  the  foot  of  a 
tree  ;  all  hands  fell  to  roasting  and  broiling  and  stewing 
and  frying,  and  a  sumptuous  repast  was  soon  set  forth. 
This  is  thought  to  be  the  origin  of  those  civic  feasts  with 
which,  to  the  present  day,  all  our  public  affairs  are  cele- 
brated, and  in  which  the  oyster  is  ever  sure  to  play  an 
important  part. 

On  the  present  occasion,  the  worthy  Van  Kortlandt  was 
observed  to  be  particularly  zealous  in  his  devotions  to 


OLOFFE'S  STRANGE  DREAM.  131 

the  trencher ;  for  having  the  cares  of  the  expedition  es- 
pecially committed  to  his  care,  he  deemed  it  incumbent 
on  him  to  eat  profoundly  for  the  public  good.  In  pro- 
portion as  he  filled  himself  to  the  very  brim  with  the 
dainty  viands  before  him,  did  the  heart  of  this  excellent 
burgher  rise  up  towards  his  throat,  until  he  seemed 
crammed  and  almost  choked  with  good  eating  and  good- 
nature. And  at  such  times  it  is,  when  a  man's  heart  is 
in  his  throat,  that  he  may  more  truly  be  said  to  speak 
from  it,  and  his  speeches  abound  with  kindness  and  good 
fellowship.  Thus  having  swallowed  the  last  possible 
morsel,  and  washed  it  down  with  a  fervent  potation, 
Oloffe  felt  his  heart  yearning,  and  his  whole  frame  in  a 
manner  dilating  with  unbounded  benevolence.  Every- 
thing around  him  seemed  excellent  and  delightful ;  and 
laying  his  hands  on  each  side  of  his  capacious  periphery, 
and  rolling  his  half-closed  eyes  around  on  the  beautiful 
diversity  of  land  and  water  before  him,  he  exclaimed,  in 
a  fat  half-smothered  voice,  "  What  a  charming  pros- 
pect ! "  The  words  died  away  in  his  throat, — he  seemed 
to  ponder  on  the  fair  scene  for  a  moment, — his  eyelids 
heavily  closed  over  their  orbs, — his  head  drooped  upon 
his  bosom, — he  slowly  sank  upon  the  green  turf,  and  a 
deep  sleep  stole  gradually  over  him. 

And  the  sage  Oloffe  dreamed  a  dream, — and  lo,  the 
good  St.  Nicholas  came  riding  over  the  tops  of  the  trees, 
in  that  self-same  wagon  wherein  he  brings  his  yearly 
presents  to  children,  and  he  descended  hard  by  where 


132  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

the  heroes  of  Communipaw  had  made  their  late  repast. 
And  he  lit  his  pipe  by  the  fire,  and  sat  himself  down  and 
smoked ;  and  as  he  smoked,  the  smoke  from  his  pipe  as- 
cended into  the  air  and  spread  like  a  cloud  overhead. 
And  Oloffe  bethought  him,  and  he  hastened  and  climbed 
up  to  the  top  of  one  of  the  tallest  trees,  and  saw  that  the 
smoke  spread  over  a  great  extent  of  country  ;  and  as  he 
considered  it  more  attentively,  he  fancied  that  the  great 
volume  of  smoke  assumed  a  variety  of  marvellous  forms, 
where  in  dim  obscurity  he  saw  shadowed  out  palaces 
and  domes  and  lofty  spires,  all  of  which  lasted  but  a  mo- 
ment, and  then  faded  away,  until  the  whole  rolled  off, 
and  nothing  but  the  green  woods  were  left.  And  when 
St.  Nicholas  had  smoked  his  pipe,  he  twisted  it  in  his 
hatband,  and  laying  his  finger  beside  his  nose,  gave  the 
astonished  Van  Kortlandt  a  very  significant  look  ;  then, 
mounting  his  wagon,  he  returned  over  the  tree-tops  and 
disappeared. 

And  Van  Kortlandt  awoke  from  his  sleep  greatly  in- 
structed ;  and  he  aroused  his  companions  and  related  to 
them  his  dream,  and  interpreted  it,  that  it  was  the  will  of 
St.  Nicholas  that  they  should  settle  down  and  build  the 
city  here ;  and  that  the  smoke  of  the  pipe  was  a  typo 
how  vast  would  be  the  extent  of  the  city,  inasmuch  as 
the  volumes  of  its  smoke  would  spread  over  a  wide  extent 
of  country.  And  they  all  with  one  voice  assented  to  this 
interpretation,  excepting  Mynheer  Ten  Broeck,  who  de- 
clared the  meaning  to  be  that  it  would  be  a  city  wherein 


THE  HAPPY  RETURN.  133 

a  little  fire  would  occasion  a  great  smoke,  or,  in  other 
words,  a  very  vaporing  little  city  ; — both  which  interpre- 
tations have  strangely  come  to  pass ! 

The  great  object  of  their  perilous  expedition,  therefore, 
being  thus  happily  accomplished,  the  voyagers  returned 
merrily  to  Communipaw, — where  they  were  received  with 
great  rejoicings.  And  here,  calling  a  general  meeting  of 
all  the  wise  men  and  the  dignitaries  of  Pavonia,  they  re- 
lated the  whole  history  of  their  voyage,  and  of  the  dream 
of  Oloffe  Yan  Kortlandt.  And  the  people  lifted  up  their 
voices  and  blessed  the  good  St.  Nicholas  ;  and  from  that 
time  forth  the  sage  Van  Kortlandt  was  held  in  more 
honor  than  ever,  for  his  great  talent  at  dreaming,  and 
was  pronounced  a  most  useful  citizen  and  a  right  good 
man — when  he  was  asleep. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

CONTAINING    AN    ATTEMPT     AT    ETYMOLOGY — AND    OF    THE    FOUNDING    OF    THE 
GKEAT   CITY   OF    NEW    AMSTERDAM. 

HE  original  name  of  the  island,  whereon  the 
squadron  of  Communipaw  was  thus  propitious- 
ly thrown,  is  a  matter  of  some  dispute,  and  has 
already  undergone  considerable  vitiation, — a  melancholy 
proof  of  the  instability  of  all  sublunary  things,  and  the 
vanity  of  all  our  hopes  of  lasting  fame ;  for  who  can  ex- 
pect his  name  will  live  to  posterity,  when  even  the  names 
of  mighty  islands  are  thus  soon  lost  in  contradiction  and 
uncertainty ! 

The  name  most  current  at  the  present  day,  and  which 
is  likewise  countenanced  by  the  great  historian  Vander 
Donck,  is  MANHATTAN  ;  which  is  said  to  have  originated  in 
a  custom  among  the  squaws,  in  the  early  settlement,  of 
wearing  men's  hats,  as  is  still  done  among  many  tribes. 
"Hence,"  as  we  are  told  by  an  old  governor  who  was 
somewhat  of  a  wag,  and  flourished  almost  a  century  since, 
and  had  paid  a  visit  to  the  wits  of  Philadelphia, — "hence 
arose  the  appellation  of  man-hat-on,  first  given  to  the 
Indians,  and  afterwards  to  the  island," — a  stupid  joke! 
but  well  enough  for  a  governor. 

Among  the  more  venerable  sources  of  information  on 

134 


VARIOUS  ETYMOLOGIES.  135 

this  subject  is  that  valuable  history  of  the  American 
possessions,  written  by  Master  Richard  Blome,  in  1687, 
wherein  it  is  called  Manhadaes  and  Manahanent ;  nor 
must  I  forget  the  excellent  little  book,  full  of  precious 
matter,  of  that  authentic  historian  John  Josselyn,  Gent., 
who  expressly  calls  it  Manadaes. 

Another  etymology,  still  more  ancient,  and  sanctioned 
by  the  countenance  of  our  ever- to-be-lamented  Dutch 
ancestors,  is  that  found  in  certain  letters  still  extant,* 
which  passed  between  the  early  governors  and  their 
neighboring  powers,  wherein  it  is  called  indifferently 
Monhattoes,  Munhatos,  and  Manhattoes,  which  are  evi- 
dently unimportant  variations  of  the  same  name  ;  for  our 
wise  forefathers  set  little  store  by  those  niceties  either  in 
orthography  or  orthoepy,  which  form  the  sole  study  and 
ambition  of  many  learned  men  and  women  of  this  hyper- 
critical age.  This  last  name  is  said  to  be  derived  from 
the  great  Indian  spirit  Manetho,  who  was  supposed  to 
make  this  island  his  favorite  abode,  on  account  of  its  un- 
common delights.  For  the  Indian  traditions  affirm  that 
the  bay  was  once  a  translucid  lake,  filled  with  silver  and 
golden  fish,  in  the  midst  of  which  lay  this  beautiful 
island,  covered  with  every  variety  of  fruits  and  flowers ; 
but  that  the  sudden  irruption  of  the  Hudson  laid  waste 
these  blissful  scenes,  and  Manetho  took  his  flight  beyond 
the  great  waters  of  Ontario. 

*  Vide  Hazard's  Col.  Stat.  Pap. 


136  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

These,  however,  are  very  fabulous  legends,  to  which 
very  cautious  credence  must  be  given ;  and  though  I  am 
willing  to  admit  the  last-quoted  orthography  of  the  name 
as  very  fit  for  prose,  yet  is  there  another  which  I  pecu- 
liarly delight  in,  as  at  once  poetical,  melodious,  and  sig- 
nificant, and  which  we  have  on  the  authority  of  master 
Juet ;  who,  in  his  account  of  the  voyage  of  the  great  Hud- 
son, calls  this  MANNA-HATA,  that  is  to  say,  the  island  of 
manna,  or,  in  other  words,  a  land  flowing  with  milk  and 
honey. 

Still,  my  deference  to  the  learned  obliges  me  to  notice 
the  opinion  of  the  worthy  Dominie  Heckwelder,  which 
ascribes  the  name  to  a  great  drunken  bout  held  on  the 
island  by  the  Dutch  discoverers,  whereat  they  made  cer- 
tain of  the  natives  most  ecstatically  drunk  for  the  first 
time  in  their  lives ;  who,  being  delighted  with  their  jovial 
entertainment,  gave  the  place  the  name  of  Mannahatta- 
nink,  that  is  to  say,  The  Island  of  Jolly  Topers :  a  name 
which  it  continues  to  merit  to  the  present  day.* 

*  MSS.  of  the  Rev.  John  Heckwelder,  in  the  archives  of  the  New  York 
Historical  Society. 


CHAPTER  YLL 

HOW  THE  PEOPLE  OP  PAVONIA  MIGRATED  FROM  COMMUNIPAW  TO  THE  ISLAND  OP 
MANNA-HATA — AND  HOW  OLOFFE  THE  DREAMER  PROVED  HIMSELF  A  GREAT 
LAND-SPECULATOR. 

|T  having  been  solemnly  resolved  that  the  seat 
of  empire  should  be  removed  from  the  green 
shores  of  Pavonia  to  the  pleasant  island  of 
Manna-hata,  everybody  was  anxious  to  embark  under  the 
standard  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer,  and  to  be  among  the 
first  sharers  of  the  promised  land.  A  day  was  appointed 
for  the  grand  migration,  and  on  that  day  little  Communi- 
paw  was  in  a  buzz  and  a  bustle  like  a  hive  in  swarming- 
time.  Houses  were  turned  inside  out  and  stripped  of  the 
venerable  furniture  which  had  come  from  Holland;  all 
the  community,  great  and  small,  black  and  white,  man, 
woman,  and  child,  was  in  commotion,  forming  lines  from 
the  houses  to  the  water-side,  like  lines  of  ants  from  an 
ant-hill ;  everybody  laden  with  some  article  of  household 
furniture;  while  busy  housewives  plied  backwards  and 
forwards  along  the  lines,  helping  everything  forward  by 
the  nimbleness  of  their  tongues. 

By  degrees  a  fleet  of  boats  and  canoes  were  piled  up 
with  all  kinds  of  household  articles :  ponderous  tables ; 

137 


138  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

chests  of  drawers  resplendent  with  brass  ornaments; 
quaint  corner-cupboards;  beds  and  bedsteads;  with  any 
quantity  of  pots,  kettles,  frying-pans,  and  Dutch  ovens. 
In  each  boat  embarked  a  whole  family,  from  the  robus- 
tious burgher  down  to  the  cats  and  dogs  and  little  ne- 
groes. In  this  way  they  set  off  across  the  mouth  of  the 
Hudson,  under  the  guidance  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer,  who 
hoisted  his  standard  on  the  leading  boat. 

This  memorable  migration  took  place  on  the  first  of 
May,  and  was  long  cited  in  tradition  as  the  grand  moving. 
The  anniversary  of  it  was  piously  observed  among  the 
"  sons  of  the  pilgrims  of  Communipaw,"  by  turning  their 
houses  topsy-turvy  and  carrying  all  the  furniture  through 
the  streets,  in  emblem  of  the  swarming  of  the  parent- 
hive  ;  and  this  is  the  real  origin  of  the  universal  agitation 
and  "  moving  "  by  which  this  most  restless  of  cities  is  lit- 
erally turned  out  of  doors  on  every  May-day. 

As  the  little  squadron  from  Communipaw  drew  near  to 
the  shores  of  Manna-hata,  a  sachem,  at  the  head  of  a 
band  of  warriors,  appeared  to  oppose  their  landing. 
Some  of  the  most  zealous  of  the  pilgrims  were  for  chas- 
tising this  insolence  with  powder  and  ball,  according  to 
the  approved  mode  of  discoverers ;  but  the  sage  Oloffe 
gave  them  the  significant  sign  of  St.  Nicholas,  laying  his 
finger  beside  his  nose  and  winking  hard  with  one  eye; 
whereupon  his  followers  perceived  that  there  was  some- 
thing sagacious  in  the  wind.  He  now  addressed  the  In- 
dians in  the  blandest  terms;  and  made  such  tempting 


MYNHEER  TEN  BREECHES.  139 

display  of  beads,  hawks'-bells,  and  red  blankets,  that  lie 
was  soon  permitted  to  land,  and  a  great  land-speculation 
ensued.  And  here  let  me  give  the  true  story  of  the  origi- 
nal purchase  of  the  site  of  this  renowned  city,  about 
which  so  much  has  been  said  and  written.  Some  affirm 
that  the  first  cost  was  but  sixty  guilders.  The  learned 
Dominie  Heckwelder  records  a  tradition*  that  the  Dutch 
discoverers  bargained  for  only  so  much  land  as  the  hide 
of  a  bullock  would  cover ;  but  that  they  cut  the  hide  in 
strips  no  thicker  than  a  child's  finger,  so  as  to  take  in  a 
large  portion  of  land,  and  to  take  in  the  Indians  into  the 
bargain.  This,  however,  is  an  old  fable  which  the  worthy 
Dominie  may  have  borrowed  from  antiquity.  The  true 
version  is,  that  Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt  bargained  for  just 
so  much  land  as  a  man  could  cover  with  his  nether  gar- 
ments. The  terms  being  concluded,  he  produced  his 
friend  Mynheer  Ten  Broeck  as  the  man  whose  breeches 
were  to  be  used  in  measurement.  The  simple  savages, 
whose  ideas  of  a  man's  nether  garments  had  never  ex- 
panded beyond  the  dimensions  of  a  breech-clout,  stared 
with  astonishment  and  dismay  as  they  beheld  this  bul- 
bous-bottomed burgher  peeled  like  an  onion,  and 
breeches  after  breeches  spread  forth  over  the  land  until 
they  covered  the  actual  site  of  this  venerable  city. 

This  is  the  true  history  of  the  adroit  bargain  by  which 
the  island  of  Manhattan  was  bought  for  sixty  guilders ; 

*  MSS.  of  the  Rev.  John  Heckwelder  ;  New  York  Historical  Society. 


140  BISTORT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

and  in  corroboration  of  it  I  will  add,  that  Mynheer  Ten 
Breeches,  for  his  services  on  this  memorable  occasion, 
was  elevated  to  the  office  of  land-measurer;  which  he 
ever  afterwards  exercised  in  the  colony. 


MYNHEER   TEN    BROECK   AS   A   LAND    SURVEYOR. 


'Jdhn  A.  Hartness. 


CHAPTER 


OF  THE  FOUNDING  AND  NAMING  OF  THE  NEW  CITY  ;  OF  THE  CITT  ARM?  :  AXD 
OF  THE  DIREFUL  FEUD  BETWEEN  TEX  BREECHES  AND  TOUGH  BREECHES. 


HE  land  being  thus  fairly  purchased  of  the 
Indians,  a  circumstance  very  unusual  in  the 
history  of  colonization,  and  strongly  illustrative 
of  the  honestr  of  our  Dutch  progenitors,  a  stockade  fort 
and  trading-house  were  forthwith  erected  on  an  eminence 
in  front  of  the  place  where  the  good  St.  Nicholas  had 
appeared  in  a  vision  to  Oloffe  the  Dreamer,  and  which, 
as  has  already  been  observed,  was  the  identical  place  at 
present  known  as  the  Bowling  Green. 

Around  this  fort  a  progeny  of  little  Dutch-built  houses, 
with  tiled  roofs  and  weathercocks,  soon  sprang  up,  nest- 
ling themselves  under  its  walls  for  protection,  as  a  brood 
of  half-fledged  chickens  nestle  under  the  wings  of  the 
mother  hen.  The  whole  was  surrounded  by  an  enclosure 
of  strong  palisadoes,  to  guard  against  any  sudden  irrup- 
tion of  the  savages.  Outside  of  these  extended  the  corn- 
fields and  cabbage-gardens  of  the  community,  with  here 
and  there  an  attempt  at  a  tobacco-plantation ;  all  cover- 
ing those  tracts  of  country  at  present  called  Broadway, 

Wall  Street,  William  Street,  and  Pearl  Street 

141 


142  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention,  that,  in  portioning  out  the 
land,  a  goodly  "  bowerie,"  or  farm,  was  allotted  to  the 
sage  Oloffe  in  consideration  of  the  service  he  had  ren- 
dered to  the  public  by  his  talent  at  dreaming ;  and  the 
site  of  his  "bowerie "  is  known  by  the  name  of  Kortlandt 
(or  Cortlandt)  Street  to  the  present  day. 

And  now  the  infant  settlement  having  advanced  in  ago 
and  stature,  it  was  thought  high  time  it  should  receive  an 
honest  Christian  name.  Hitherto  it  had  gone  by  the 
original  Indian  name  Manna-hata,  or,  as  some  will  have 
it,  "  The  Manhattoes  "  ;  but  this  was  now  decried  as  sav- 
age and  heathenish,  and  as  tending  to  keep  up  the  mem- 
ory of  the  pagan  brood  that  originally  possessed  it. 
Many  were  the  consultations  held  upon  the  subject,  with- 
out coming  to  a  conclusion,  for  though  everybody  con- 
demned the  old  name,  nobody  could  invent  a  new  one. 
At  length,  when  the  council  was  almost  in  despair,  a 
burgher,  remarkable  for  the  size  and  squareness  of  his 
head,  proposed  that  they  should  call  it  New  Amsterdam. 
The  proposition  took  everybody  by  surprise;  it  was  so 
striking,  so  apposite,  so  ingenious.  The  name  was  adopted 
by  acclamation,  and  New  Amsterdam  the  metropolis  was 
thenceforth  called.  Still,  however,  the  early  authors  of 
the  province  continued  to  call  it  by  the  general  appella- 
tion of  "  The  Manhattoes,"  and  the  poets  fondly  clung  to 
the  euphonious  name  of  Manna-hata  ;  but  those  are  a 
kind  of  folk  whose  tastes  and  notions  should  go  for  noth- 
ing in  matters  of  this  kind. 


THE  GREAT  DISCUSSION.  143 

Having  thus  provided  the  embryo  city  with  a  name, 
the  next  was  to  give  it  an  armorial  bearing  or  device,  as 
some  cities  have  a  rampant  lion,  others  a  soaring  eagle, 
— emblematical,  no  doubt,  of  the  valiant  and  high-flying 
qualities  of  the  inhabitants;  so,  after  mature  delibera- 
tion, a  sleek  beaver  was  emblazoned  on  the  city  standard, 
as  indicative  of  the  amphibious  origin,  and  patient,  per- 
severing habits  of  the  New  Amsterdammers. 

The  thriving  state  of  the  settlement  and  the  rapid  in- 
crease of  houses  soon  made  it  necessary  to  arrange  some 
plan  upon  which  the  city  should  be  built;  but  at  the 
very  first  consultation  held  on  the  subject,  a  violent  dis- 
cussion arose  ;  and  I  mention  it  with  much  sorrowing  as 
being  the  first  altercation  on  record  in  the  councils  of 
New  Amsterdam.  It  was,  in  fact,  a  breaking  forth  of  the 
grudge  and  heart-burning  that  had  existed  between  those 
two  eminent  burghers,  Mynheers  Tenbroeck  and  Harden- 
broeck,  ever  since  their  unhappy  dispute  on  the  coast 
of  Bellevue.  The  great  Hardenbroeck  had  waxed  very 
wealthy  and  powerful,  from  his  domains,  which  embraced 
the  whole  chain  of  Apulean  mountains  that  stretched 
along  the  gulf  of  Kip's  Bay,  and  from  part  of  which  his 
descendants  have  been  expelled  in  latter  ages  by  the 
powerful  clans  of  the  Joneses  and  the  Schermerhornes. 

An  ingenious  plan  for  the  city  was  offered  by  Mynheer 
Hardenbroeck,  who  proposed  that  it  should  be  cut  up 
and  intersected  by  canals,  after  the  manner  of  the  most 
admired  cities  in  Holland.  To  this  Mynheer  Tenbroeck 


144  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

was  diametrically  opposed,  suggesting,  in  place  thereof, 
that  they  should  run  out  docks  and  wharves,  by  means  of 
piles  driven  into  the  bottom  of  the  river,  on  which  the 
town  should  be  built.  "By  these  means,"  said  he  tri- 
umphantly, "  shall  we  rescue  a  considerable  space  of  ter- 
ritory from  these  immense  rivers,  and  build  a  city  that 
shall  rival  Amsterdam,  Venice,  or  any  amphibious  city  in 
Europe."  To  this  proposition,  Hardenbroeck  (or  Tough 
Breeches)  replied,  with  a  look  of  as^much  scorn  as  he 
could  possibly  assume.  He  cast  the  utmost  censure  upon 
the  plan  of  his  antagonist,  as  being  preposterous  and 
against  the  very  order  of  things,  as  he  would  leave  to 
every  true  Hollander.  "  For  what,"  said  he,  "  is  a  town 
without  canals  ? — it  is  like  a  body  without  veins  and  ar- 
teries, and  must  perish  for  want  of  a  free  circulation  of 
the  vital  fluid."  Ten  Breeches,  on  the  contrary,  retorted 
with  a  sarcasm  upon  his  antagonist,  who  was  somewhat 
of  an  arid,  dry-boned  habit :  he  remarked,  that  as  to  the 
circulation  of  the  blood  being  necessary  to  existence, 
Mynheer  Tough  Breeches  was  a  living  contradiction  to 
his  own  assertion :  for  everybody  knew  there  had  not  a 
drop  of  blood  circulated  through  his  wind-dried  carcase 
for  good  ten  years,  and  yet  there  was  not  a  greater  busy- 
body in  the  whole  colony.  Personalities  have  seldom 
much  effect  in  making  converts  in  argument ;  nor  have  I 
ever  seen  a  man  convinced  of  error  by  being  convicted  of 
deformity.  At  least,  such  was  not  the  case  at  present. 
If  Ten  Breeches  was  very  happy  in  sarcasm,  Tough 


THE  GREAT  DISCUSSION.  145 

Breeches,  who  was  a  sturdy  little  man,  and  never  gave 
up  the  last  word,  rejoined  with  increasing  spirit;  Ten 
Breeches  had  the  advantage  of  the  greatest  volubility, 
but  Tough  Breeches  had  that  invaluable  coat  of  mail  in 
argument,  called  obstinacy  Ten  Breeches  had,  therefore, 
the  most  mettle,  but  Tough  Breeches  the  best  bottom  ;  so 
that,  though  Ten  Breeches  made  a  dreadful  clattering 
about  his  ears,  and  battered  and  belabored  him  with 
hard  words  and  sound  arguments,  yet  Tough  Breeches 
hung  on  most  resolutely  to  the  last.  They  parted,  there- 
fore, as  is  usual  in  all  arguments  where  both  parties 
are  in  the  right,  without  coming  to  any  conclusion ; — but 
they  hated  each  other  most  heartily  forever  after,  and  a 
similar  breach  with  that  between  the  houses  of  Capu- 
let  and  Montague  did  ensue  between  the  families  of  Ten 
Breeches  and  Tough  Breeches. 

I  would  not  fatigue  my  reader  with  these  dull  matters 
of  fact,  but  that  my  duty  as  a  faithful  historian  requires 
that  I  should  be  particular ;  and  in  truth,  as  I  am  now 
treating  of  the  critical  period  when  our  city,  like  a  young 
twig,  first  received  the  twists  and  turns  which  have  since 
contributed  to  give  it  its  present  picturesque  irregular- 
ity, I  cannot  be  too  minute  in  detailing  their  first  causes. 

After  the  unhappy  altercation  I  have  just  mentioned,  I 
do  not  find  that  anything  farther  was  said  on  the  subject 
worthy  of  being  recorded.  The  council,  consisting  of  the 
largest  and  oldest  heads  in  the  community,  met  regularly 
once  a  week,  to  ponder  on  this  momentous  subject ;  but, 
10 


14G  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

either  they  were  deterred  by  the  war  of  words  they  had 
witnessed,  or  they  were  naturally  averse  to  the  exerciso 
of  the  tongue,  and  the  consequent  exercise  of  the  brains, 
— certain  it  is,  the  most  profound  silence  was  maintained, 
— the  question  as  usual  lay  on  the  table, — the  members 
quietly  smoked  their  pipes,  making  but  few  laws,  without 
ever  enforcing  any, — and  in  the  mean  time  the  affairs  of 
the  settlement  went  on — as  it  pleased  God. 

As  most  of  the  council  were  but  little  skilled  in  the 
mystery  of  combining  pot-hooks  and  hangers,  they  deter- 
mined most  judiciously  not  to  puzzle  either  themselves 
or  posterity  with  voluminous  records.  The  secretary, 
however,  kept  the  minutes  of  the  council,  with  tolerable 
precision,  in  a  large  vellum  folio,  fastened  with  massy 
brass  clasps ;  the  journal  of  each  meeting  consisted  but 
of  two  lines,  stating  in  Dutch,  that  "  the  council  sat  this 
day,  and  smoked  twelve  pipes,  on  the  affairs  of  the 
colony."  By  which  it  appears  that  the  first  settlers  did 
not  regulate  their  time  by  hours,  but  pipes,  in  the  same 
manner  as  they  measure  distances  in  Holland  at  this  very 
time  :  an  admirably  exact  measurement,  as  a  pipe  in  the 
mouth  of  a  true-born  Dutchman  is  never  liable  to  those 
accidents  and  irregularities  that  are  continually  putting 
our  clocks  out  of  order. 

In  this  manner  did  the  profound  council  of  NEW  AM- 
STERDAM smoke,  and  doze,  and  ponder,  from  week  to  week, 
month  to  month,  and  year  to  year,  in  what  manner  they 
should  construct  their  infant  settlement ; — meanwhile,  the 


THE  DOINGS  OF  THE  COUNCIL.  147 

town  took  care  of  itself,  and  like  a  sturdy  brat  which  is 
suffered  to  run  about  wild,  unshackled  by  clouts  and 
bandages,  and  other  abominations  by  which  your  notable 
nurses  and  sage  old  women  cripple  and  disfigure  the 
children  of  men,  increased  so  rapidly  in  strength  and 
magnitude,  that  before  the  honest  burgomasters  had  de- 
termined upon  a  plan,  it  was  too  late  to  put  it  in  exe- 
cution,— whereixpon  they  wisely  abandoned  the  subject 
altogether. 


CHAPTEE   IX. 

HOW  THE  CITY  OP  NEW  AMSTERDAM  WAXED  GREAT  UNDER  THE  PROTECTION 
OF  ST.  NICHOLAS  AND  THE  ABSENCE  OF  LAWS  AND  STATUTES — HOW  OLOFFE 
THE  DREAMER  BEGAN  TO  DREAM  OF  AN  EXTENSION  OF  EMPIRE,  AND  OF 
THE  EFFECT  OF  HIS  DREAMS. 

HERE  is  something  exceedingly  delusive  in 
thus  looking  back  through  the  long  vista  of 
departed  years,  and  catching  a  glimpse  of  the 
fairy  realms  of  antiquity.  Like  a  landscape  melting  into 
distance,  they  receive  a  thousand  charms  from  their  very 
obscurity,  and  the  fancy  delights  to  fill  up  their  outlines 
with  graces  and  excellences  of  its  own  creation.  Thus 
loom  on  my  imagination  those  happier  days  of  our  city, 
when  as  yet  New  Amsterdam  was  a  mere  pastoral  town, 
shrouded  in  groves  of  sycamores  and  willows,  and  sur- 
rounded by  trackless  forests  and  wide-spreading  waters, 
that  seemed  to  shut  out  all  the  cares  and  vanities  of  a 
wicked  world. 

In  those  days  did  this  embryo  city  present  the  rare 
and  noble  spectacle  of  a  community  governed  without 
laws  ;  and  thus  being  left  to  its  own  course,  and  the  fos- 
toring  care  of  Providence,  increased  as  rapidly  as  though 
it  had  been  burdened  with  a  dozen  panniers  full  of  those 

148 


THE  EVIL  OF  MANY  LAWS.  149 

sage  laws  usually  heaped  on  the  backs  of  young  cities — 
in  order  to  make  them  grow.  And  in  this  particular  I 
greatly  admire  the  wisdom  and  sound  knowledge  of  hu- 
man nature,  displayed  by  the  sage  Oloffe  the  Dreamer 
and  his  fellow-legislators.  For  my  part,  I  have  not  so 
bad  an  opinion  of  mankind  as  many  of  my  brother  phi- 
losophers. I  do  not  think  poor  human  nature  so  sorry  a 
piece  of  workmanship  as  they  would  make  it  out  to  be ; 
and  as  far  as  I  have  observed,  I  am  fully  satisfied  that 
man,  if  left  to  himself,  would  about  as  readily  go  right  as 
wrong.  It  is  only  this  eternally  sounding  in  his  ears  that 
it  is  his  duty  to  go  right,  which  makes  him  go  the  very 
reverse.  The  noble  independence  of  his  nature  revolts 
at  this  intolerable  tyranny  of  law,  and  the  perpetual  in- 
terference of  officious  morality,  which  are  over  besetting 
his  path  with  finger-posts  and  directions  to  "  keep  to  the 
right,  as  the  law  directs  "  ;  and  liko  a  spirited  urchin,  he 
turns  directly  contrary,  and  gallops  through  mud  and 
mire,  over  hedges  and  ditches,  merely  to  show  that  he  is 
a  lad  of  spirit,  and  out  of  his  leading-strings.  And  these 
opinions  are  amply  substantiated  by  what  I  have  above 
said  of  our  worthy  ancestors ;  who  never  being  be- 
preached  and  ba-lectured,  and  guided  and  governed  by 
statutes  and  laws  and  by-laws,  as  are  their  more  en- 
lightened descendants,  did  one  and  all  demean  themselves 
honestly  and  peaceably,  out  of  pure  ignorance,  or,  in 
other  words,  because  they  knew  no  better. 

Nor  must  I  omit  to  record  one  of  the  earliest  measures 


150  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

of  this  infant  settlement,  inasmuch  as  it  shows  the  piety 
of  our  forefathers,  and  that,  like  good  Christians,  they 
were  always  ready  to  serve  God,  after  they  had  first 
served  themselves.  Thus,  having  quietly  settled  them- 
selves down,  and  provided  for  their  own  comfort,  they 
bethought  themselves  of  testifying  their  gratitude  to  the 
great  and  good  St.  Nicholas,  for  his  protecting  care,  in 
guiding  them  to  this  delectable  abode.  To  this  end  they 
built  a  fair  and  goodly  chapel  within  the  fort,  which  they 
consecrated  to  his  name ;  whereupon  he  immediately 
took  the  town  of  New  Amsterdam  under  his  peculiar  pat- 
ronage, and  he  has  ever  since  been,  and  I  devoutly  hope 
will  ever  be,  the  tutelar  saint  of  this  excellent  city. 

At  this  early  period  was  instituted  that  pious  cere- 
mony, still  religiously  observed  in  all  our  ancient  fami- 
lies of  the  right  breed,  of  hanging  up  a  stocking  in  the 
chimney  on  St.  Nicholas  eve ;  which  stocking  is  always 
found  in  the  morning  miraculously  filled;  for  the  good 
St.  Nicholas  has  ever  been  a  great  giver  of  gifts,  particu- 
larly to  children. 

I  am  moreover  told  that  there  is  a  little  legendary 
book,  somewhere  extant,  written  in  Low  Dutch,  which 
says,  that  the  image  of  this  renowned  saint,  which 
whilom  graced  the  bowsprit  of  the  Goede  Vrouw,  was 
elevated  in  front  of  this  chapel,  in  the  centre  of  what  in 
modern  days  is  called  the  Bowling  Green, — on  the  very 
spot,  in  fact,  where  he  appeared  in  vision  to  Oloffe  the 
Dreamer.  And  the  legend  further  treats  of  divers  mira- 


DEALINGS  WITH  THE  INDIANS.  151 

cles  wrought  by  the  mighty  pipe  which  the  saint  held  in 
his  mouth,  a  whiff  of  which  was  a  sovereign  cure  for  in- 
digestion,— an  invaluable  relic  in  this  colony  of  brave 
trencher-men.  As,  however,  in  spite  of  the  most  diligent 
search,  I  cannot  lay  my  hands  upon  this  little  book,  I 
must  confess  that  I  entertain  considerable  doubt  on  the 
subject 

Thus  benignly  fostered  by  the  good  St.  Nicholas,  the 
infant  city  thrived  apace.  Hordes  of  painted  savages,  it 
is  true,  still  lurked  about  the  unsettled  parts  of  the 
island.  The  hunter  still  pitched  his  bower  of  skins  and 
bark  beside  the  rills  that  ran  through  the  cool  and  shady 
glens,  while  here  and  there  might  be  seen,  on  some  sun- 
ny knoll,  a  group  of  Indian  wigwams,  whose  smoke  arose 
above  the  neigh  coring  trees,  and  floated  in  the  trans- 
parent atmosphere.  A  mutual  good-will,  however,  existed 
between  these  wandering  beings  and  the  burghers  of 
New  Amsterdam.  Our  benevolent  forefathers  endeavored 
as  much  as  possible  to  ameliorate  their  situation,  by  giv- 
ing them  gin,  rum,  and  glass  beads,  in  exchange  for  their 
peltries;  for  it  seems  the  kind-hearted  Dutchmen  had 
conceived  a  great  friendship  for  their  savage  neighbors, 
on  account  of  their  being  pleasant  men  to  trade  with,  and 
little  skilled  in  the  art  of  making  a  bargain. 

Now  and  then  a  crew  of  these  half-human  sons  of  the 
forest  would  make  their  appearance  in  the  streets  of  New 
Amsterdam,  fantastically  painted  and  decorated  with 
beads  and  flaunting  feathers,  sauntering  about  with  an 


152  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

air  of  listless  indifference, — sometimes  in  the  market- 
place, instructing  the  little  Dutch  boys  in  the  use  of  the 
K>W  and  arrow, — at  other  times,  inflamed  with  liquor, 
twaggering  and  whooping  and  yelling  about  the  town 
ike  so  many  fiends,  to  the  great  dismay  of  all  the  good 
•vives,  who  would  hurry  their  children  into  the  house, 
j  asten  the  doors,  and  throw  water  upon  the  enemy  from 
the  garret  windows.  It  is  worthy  of  mention  here,  that 
our  forefathers  were  very  particular  in  holding  up  these 
wild  men  as  excellent  domestic  examples — and  for  rea- 
sons that  may  be  gathered  from  the  history  of  master 
Ogilby,  who  tells  us,  that  "for  the  least  offence  the 
bridegroom  soundly  beats  his  wife  and  turns  her  out  of 
doors,  and  marries  another,  insomuch  that  some  of  them 
have  every  year  a  new  wife."  Whether  this  awrful  ex- 
ample had  any  influence  or  not,  history  does  not  men- 
tion ;  but  it  is  certain  that  our  grandmothers  were  mira- 
cles of  fidelity  and  obedience. 

True  it  is,  that  the  good  understanding  between  our 
ancestors  and  their  savage  neighbors  was  liable  to  occa- 
sional interruptions,  and  I  have  heard  my  grandmother, 
who  was  a  very  wise  old  woman,  and  well  versed  in  the 
history  of  these  parts,  tell  a  long  story  of  a  winter's  even- 
ing, about  a  battle  between  the  New  Amsterdammers 
and  the  Indians,  which  was  known  by  the  name  of  the 
Peach  War,  and  which  took  place  near  a  peach  orchard, 
in  a  dark  glen,  which  for  a  long  while  went  by  the  name 
of  Murderer's  Valley. 


PEACH  WAR.  153 

The  legend  of  this  sylvan  war  was  long  current  among 
the  nurses,  old  wives,  and  other  ancient  chroniclers  of  the 
place ;  but  time  and  improvement  have  almost  obliter- 
ated both  the  tradition  and  the  scene  of  battle  ;  for  what 
was  once  the  blood-stained  valley  is  now  in  the  centre  oi 
this  populous  city,  and  known  by  the  name  of  Dey  Strcei. 

I  know  not  whether  it  was  to  this  "Peach  war,"  and 
the  acquisitions  of  Indian  land  which  may  have  grown  out 
of  it,  that  we  may  ascribe  the  first  seeds  of  the  spirit  of 
"  annexation  "  which  now  began  to  manifest  themselves. 
Hitherto  the  ambition  of  the  worthy  burghers  had  been 
confined  to  the  lovely  island  of  Manna-hata ;  and  Spiten 
Devil  on  the  Hudson,  and  Hell-gate  on  the  Sound,  were 
to  them  the  pillars  of  Hercules,  the  r.e  plus  ultra  of  human 
enterprise.  Shortly  after  the  Peach  war,  however,  a  rest- 
less spirit  was  observed  among  the  New  Amsterdam mers, 
who  began  to  cast  wistful  looks  upon  the  wild  lands  of 
their  Indian  neighbors ;  for,  somehow  or  other,  wild 
Indian  land  always  looks  greener  in  the  eyes  of  settlers 
than  the  land  they  occupy.  It  is  hinted  that  Oloffe  the 
Dreamer  encouraged  these  notions ;  having,  as  has  been 
shown,  the  inherent  spirit  of  a  land  speculator,  which  had 
been  wonderfully  quickened  and  expanded  since  he  had 
become  a  landholder.  Many  of  the  common  people,  who 
had  never  before  owned  a  foot  of  land,  now  began  to  be 
discontented  with  the  town  lots  which  had  fallen  to  their 
shares ;  others,  who  had  snug  farms  and  tobacco-planta- 
tions, found  they  had  not  sufficient  elbow-room,  and  be- 


154  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

gan  to  question  the  rights  of  the  Indians  to  the  vast  re- 
gions they  pretended  to  hold — while  the  good  Oloffe  in- 
dulged in  magnificent  dreams  of  foreign  conquest  and 
great  patroonships  in  the  wilderness. 

The  result  of  these  dreams  were  certain  exploring  ex- 
peditions, sent  forth  in  various  directions,  to  "sow  the 
seeds  of  empire,"  as  it  was  said.  The  earliest  of  these 
were  conducted  by  Hans  Reinier  Oothout,  an  old  naviga- 
tor, famous  for  the  sharpness  of  his  vision,  who  could  see 
land  when  it  was  quite  out  of  sight  to  ordinary  mortals, 
and  who  had  a  spy-glass  covered  with  a  bit  of  tarpauling, 
with  which  he  could  spy  up  the  crookedest  river  quite  to 
its  head-waters.  He  was  accompanied  by  Mynheer  Ten 
Breeches,  as  land-measurer,  in  case  of  any  dispute  with 
the  Indians. 

What  was  the  consequence  of  these  exploring  expedi- 
tions ?  In  a  little  while  we  find  a  frontier  post  or  trading- 
house  called  Fort  Nassau,  established  far  to  the  south  on 
Delaware  River ;  another,  called  Fort  Goed  Hoep  (or 
Good  Hope),  on  the  Varsche,  or  Fresh,  or  Connecticut 
Eiver,  and  another,  called  Fort  Aurania  (now  Albany), 
away  up  the  Hudson  River ;  while  the  boundaries  of  the 
province  kept  extending  on  every  side,  nobody  knew 
whither,  far  into  the  regions  of  Terra  Incognita. 

Of  the  boundary  feuds  and  troubles  which  the  ambi- 
tious little  province  brought  upon  itself  by  these  indefinite 
expansions  of  its  territory,  we  shall  treat  at  large  in  the 
after-pages  of  this  eventful  history ;  sufficient  for  the  pres- 


HOLLAND'S  MATERNAL  POLICY.  155 

cnt  is  it  to  say  that  the  swelling  importance  of  the  New 
Netherlands  awakened  the  attention  of  the  mother-coun- 
try, who,  finding  it  likely  to  yield  much  revenue  and  no 
trouble,  began  to  take  that  interest  in  its  welfare  which 
knowing  people  evince  for  rich  relations. 

But  as  this  opens  a  new  era  in  the  fortunes  of  New 
Amsterdam,  I  will  here  put  an  end  to  this  second  book  of 
my  history,  and  will  treat  of  the  maternal  policy  of  tho 
mother-country  in  my  next 


BOOK  III. 


IN  WHICH   IS   BECORDKD   THE   GOLDEN   REIGN   OF   WOUTEE  VAX   TWILLER. 


CHAPTEK  I. 

OF  THE  RENOWNED  WOUTER  TAN  TWILLEK,  HIS  UNPARALLELED  VIRTUES — AS 
LIKEWISE  HIS  UNUTTERABLE  WISDOM  IN  THE  LAW-CASE  OF  W.AXDLE  SCHOOX- 
HOVEN  AND  BARENT  BLEECKER — AND  THE  GREAT  ADMIRATION  OF  THE  PUB- 
LIC THEREAT. 

RIEVOUS  and  very  much  to  be  commiserated 
is  the  task  of  the  feeling  historian,  who  writes 
the  history  of  his  native  land.  If  it  fall  to  his 
lot  to  be  the  recorder  of  calamity  or  crime,  the  mournful 
page  is  watered  with  his  tears ;  nor  can  he  recall  the 
most  prosperous  and  blissful  era,  without  a  melancholy 
sigh  at  the  reflection  that  it  has  passed  away  forever  !  I 
know  not  whether  it  be  owing  to  an  immoderate  love  for 

156 


REFLECTIONS.  157 

the  simplicity  of  former  times,  or  to  that  certain  tender- 
ness of  heart  incident  to  all  sentimental  historians ;  but 
I  candidly  confess  that  I  cannot  look  back  on  the  happier 
days  of  our  city,  which  I  now  describe,  without  great  de- 
jection of  spirit.  With  faltering  hand  do  I  withdraw  the 
curtain  of  oblivion,  that  veils  the  modest  merit  of  our 
venerable  ancestors,  and  as  their  figures  rise  to  my  men- 
tal vision,  humble  myself  before  their  mighty  shades. 

Such  are  my  feelings  when  I  revisit  the  family  man- 
sion of  the  Knickerbockers,  and  spend  a  lonely  hour  in 
the  chamber  where  hang  the  portraits  of  my  forefathers, 
shrouded  in  dust,  like  the  forms  they  represent.  With 
pious  reverence  do  I  gaze  on  the  countenances  of  those 
renowned  burghers,  who  have  preceded  me  in  the  steady 
march  of  existence, — whose  sober  and  temperate  blood 
now  meanders  through  my  veins,  flowing  slower  and 
slower  in  its  feeble  conduits,  until  its  current  shall  soon 
be  stopped  forever ! 

These,  I  say  to  myself,  are  but  frail  memorials  of  the 
mighty  men  who  flourished  in  the  days  of  the  patri- 
archs ;  but  who,  alas,  have  long  since  mouldered  in  that 
tomb  towards  which  my  steps  are  insensibly  and  irresist- 
ibly hastening !  As  I  pace  the  darkened  chamber  and 
lose  myself  in  melancholy  musings,  the  shadowy  images 
around  me  almost  seem  to  steal  once  more  into  exist- 
ence,— their  counteiiancts  to  assume  the  animation  of  life, 
— their  eyes  to  pursue  me  in  every  movement !  Carried 
away  by  the  delusions  of  fancy,  I  almost  imagine  myself 


158  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

surrounded  by  the  shades  of  the  departed,  and  holding 
sweet  converse  with  the  worthies  of  antiquity  !  Ah,  hap- 
less Diedrich  !  born  in  a  degenerate  age,  abandoned  to 
the  buffetings  of  fortune, — a  stranger  and  a  weary  pil- 
grim in  thy  native  land, — blest  with  no  weeping  wife,  nor 
family  of  helpless  children,  but  doomed  to  wander  neg- 
lected through  those  crowded  streets,  and  elbowed  by 
foreign  upstarts  from  those  fair  abodes  where  once  thine 
ancestors  held  sovereign  empire  ! 

Let  me  not,  however,  lose  the  historian  in  the  man, 
nor  suffer  the  doting  recollections  of  age  to  overcome  me, 
while  dwelling  with  fond  garrulity  on  the  virtuous  days 
of  the  patriarchs, — on  those  sweet  days  of  simplicity  and 
ease,  which  never  more  will  dawn  on  the  lovely  island  of 
Manna-hata. 

These  melancholy  reflections  have  been  forced  from  me 
by  the  growing  wealth  and  importance  of  New  Amster- 
dam, which,  I  plainly  perceive,  are  to  involve  it  in  all 
kinds  of  perils  and  disasters.  Already,  as  I  observed  at 
the  close  of  my  last  book,  they  had  awakened  the  atten- 
tions of  the  mother-country.  The  usual  mark  of  protec- 
tion shown  by  mother-countries  to  wealthy  colonies  was 
forthwith  manifested; -a  governor  being  sent  out  to  rule 
over  the  province,  and  squeeze  out  of  it  as  much  revenue 
as  possible.  The  arrival  of  a  governor  of  course  put  an 
end  to  the  protectorate  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer.  He  ap- 
pears, however,  to  have  dreamt  to  some  purpose  during 
his  sway,  as  we  find  him  afterwards  living  as  a  patroon 


GOVERNOR   VAN  TWILLER.  159 

on  a  great  landed  estate  on  the  banks  of  the  Hudson; 
having  virtually  forfeited  all  right  to  his  ancient  appella- 
tion of  Kortlandt  or  Lackland. 

It  was  in  the  year  of  our  Lord  1629  that  Mynheer 
Wouter  Van  Twiller  was  appointed  governor  of  the  prov- 
ince of  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  under  the  commission  and 
control  of  their  High  Mightinesses  the  Lords  States 
General  of  the  United  Netherlands,  and  the  privileged 
"West  India  Company. 

This  renowned  old  gentleman  arrived  at  New  Amster- 
dam in  the  merry  month  of  June,  the  sweetest  month  in 
all  the  year;  when  dan  Apollo  seems  to  dance  up  the 
transparent  firmament, — when  the  robin,  the  thrush,  and 
a  thousand  other  wanton  songsters,  make  the  woods  to 
resound  with  amorous  ditties,  and  the  luxurious  little 
boblincon  revels  among  the  clover-blossoms  of  the  mead- 
ows,— all  which  happy  coincidence  persuaded  the  old 
dames  of  New  Amsterdam,  who  were  skilled  in  the  art 
of  foretelling  events,  that  this  was  to  be  a  happy  and 
prosperous  administration. 

The  renowned  Wouter  (or  Walter)  Van  Twiller  "vas 
descended  from  a  long  line  of  Dutch  burgomasters,  who 
had  successively  dozed  away  their  lives,  and  grown  fat 
upon  the  bench  of  magistracy  in  Rotterdam;  and  who 
had  comported  themselves  with  such  singular  wisdom 
and  propriety,  that  they  were  never  either  heard  or 
talked  of — which,  next  to  being  universally  applauded, 
should  be  the  object  of  ambition  of  all  magistrates  and 


160  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

rulers.  There  are  two  opposite  ways  by  which  some 
men  make  a  figure  in  the  world :  one,  by  talking  faster 
than  they  think,  and  the  other,  by  holding  their  tongues 
and  not  thinking  at  all.  By  the  first,  many  a  smatterer 
acquires  the  reputation  of  a  man  of  quick  parts ;  by  the 
other,  many  a  dunderpate,  like  the  owl,  the  stupidest 
of  birds,  comes  to  be  considered  the  very  type  of  wisdom. 
This,  by  the  way,  is  a  casual  remark,  which  I  would  not, 
for  the  universe,  have  it  thought  I  apply  to  Governor 
Van  Twiller.  It  is  true  he  was  a  man  shut  up  within 
himself,  like  an  oyster,  and  rarely  spoke,  except  in  mono- 
syllables ;  but  then  it  was  allowed  he  seldom  said  a  fool- 
ish thing.  So  invincible  was  his  gravity  that  he  was 
never  known  to  laugh  or  even  to  smile  through  the  whole 
course  of  a  long  and  prosperous  life.  Nay,  if  a  joke  were 
uttered  in  his  presence,  that  set  light-minded  hearers  in 
a  roar,  it  was  observed  to  throw  him  into  a  state  of 
perplexity.  Sometimes  he  would  deign  to  inquire  into 
the  matter,  and  when,  after  much  explanation,  the  joke 
was  made  as  plain  as  a  pike-staff,  he  would  continue  to 
smoke  his  pipe  in  silence,  and  at  length,  knocking  out 
ihe  ashes,  would  exclaim,  "Well!  I  see  nothing  in  all 
that  to  laugh  about." 

With  all  his  reflective  habits,  he  never  made  up  his 
mind  on  a  subject.  His  adherents  accounted  for  this  by 
the  astonishing  magnitude  of  his  ideas.  He  conceived 
3 very  subject  on  so  grand  a  scale  that  he  had  not  room  in 
his  head  to  turn  it  over  and  examine  both  sides  of  it. 


GOVERNOR   VAN  TWILLER.  101 

Certain  it  is,  that,  if  any  matter  were  propounded  to  him 
on  which  ordinary  mortals  would  rashly  determine  at  first 
glance,  he  would  put  on  a  vague,  mysterious  look,  shake 
his  capacious  head,  smoke  some  time  in  profound  si- 
lence, and  at  length  observe,  that  "he  had  his  doubts 
about  the  matter  "  ;  which  gained  him  the  reputation  of  a 
man  slow  of  belief  and  not  easily  imposed  upon.  What 
is  more,  it  gained  him  a  lasting  name ;  for  to  this  habit  of 
the  mind  has  been  attributed  his  surname  of  Twiller; 
vhich  is  said  to  be  a  corruption  of  the  original  Twijfler, 
or,  in  plain  English,  Doubter. 

The  persoti  of  this  illustrious  old  gentleman  was  formed 
and  proportioned,  as  though  it  had  been  moulded  by  the 
hands  of  some  cunning  Dutch  statuary,  as  a  model  of  ma- 
jesty and  lordly  grandeur.  He  was  exactly  five  feet  six 
inches  in  height,  and  six  feet  five  inches  in  circumference. 
His  head  was  a  perfect  sphere,  and  of  such  stupendous 
dimensions,  that  Dame  Nature,  with  all  her  sex's  ingenu- 
ity, would  have  been  puzzled  to  construct  a  neck  capable 
of  supporting  it ;  wherefore  she  wisely  declined  the  at- 
tempt, and  settled  it  firmly  on  the  top  of  his  backbone, 
just  between  the  shoulders.  His  body  was  oblong  and 
particularly  capacious  at  bottom ;  which  was  wisely  or- 
dered by  Providence,  seeing  that  he  was  a  man  of  seden- 
tary habits,  and  very  averse  to  the  idle  labor  of  walking. 
His  legs  were  short,  but  sturdy  in  proportion  to  the 
weight  they  had  to  sustain ;  so  that  when  erect  he  had 
not  a  little  the  appearance  of  a  beer-barrel  on  skids.  His 
11 


162  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

face,  tliat  infallible  index  of  the  mind,  presented  a  vast 
expanse,  unfurrowed  by  any  of  those  lines  and  angles 
which  disfigure  the  human  countenance  with  what  ia 
termed  expression.  Two  small  grey  eyes  twinkled  feebly 
in  the  midst,  like  two  stars  of  lesser  magnitude  in  a  hazy 
firmament,  and  his  full-fed  cheeks,  which  seemed  to  have 
taken  toll  of  everything  that  went  into  his  mouth,  were 
curiously  mottled  and  streaked  with  dusky  red,  like  a 
spitzenberg  apple. 

His  habits  were  as  regular  as  his  person.  He  daily 
took  his  four  stated  meals,  appropriating  exactly  an  hour 
to  each;  he  smoked  and  doubted  eight  hours,  and  he 
slept  the  remaining  twelve  of  the  four-and-twenty.  Such 
was  the  renowned  Wouter  Yan  Twiller, — a  true  philoso- 
pher, for  his  mind  was  either  elevated  above,  or  tranquil- 
ly settled  below,  the  cares  and  perplexities  of  this  world. 
He  had  lived  in  it  for  years,  without  feeling  the  least 
curiosity  to  know  whether  the  sun  revolved  round  it,  or 
it  round  the  sun ;  and  he  had  watched,  for  at  least  half  a 
century,  the  smoke  curling  from  his  pipe  to  the  ceiling, 
without  once  troubling  his  head  with  any  of  those  nu- 
merous theories  by  which  a  philosopher  would  have  per- 
plexed his  brain,  in  accounting  for  its  rising  above  the 
surrounding  atmosphere. 

In  his  council  he  presided  with  great  state  and  solem- 
nity. He  sat  in  a  huge  chair  of  solid  oak,  hewn  in  the 
celebrated  forest  of  the  Hague,  fabricated  by  an  experi- 
enced timmerman  of  Amsterdam,  and  curiously  carved 


GOVERNOR    VAN  TWILLER.  1GB 

about  the  arms  and  feet,  into  exact  imitations  of  gigantic 
eagle's  claws.  Instead  of  a  sceptre,  he  swayed  a  long 
Turkish  pipe,  wrought  with  jasmin  and  amber,  which  had 
been  presented  to  a  stadtholder  of  Holland  at  the  conclu- 
sion of  a  treaty  with  one  of  the  petty  Barbary  powers. 
In  this  stately  chair  would  he  sit,  and  this  magnificent 
pipe  would  he  smoke,  shaking  his  right  knee  with  a  con- 
stant motion,  and  fixing  his  eye  for  hours  together  upon 
a  little  print  of  Amsterdam,  which  hung  in  a  black  frame 
against  the  opposite  wall  of  the  council-chamber.  Nay, 
it  has  even  been  said,  that  when  any  deliberation  of  ex- 
traordinary length  and  intricacy  was  on  the  carpet,  the 
renowned  Wouter  would  shut  his  eyes  for  full  two  hours 
at  a  time,  that  he  might  not  be  disturbed  by  external  ob- 
jects ;  and  at  such  times  the  internal  commotion  of  his 
mind  was  evinced  by  certain  regular  guttural  sounds, 
which  his  admirers  declared  were  merely  the  noise  of 
conflict,  made  by  his  contending  doubts  and  opinions. 

It  is  with  infinite  difficulty  I  have  been  enabled  to  col- 
lect these  biographical  anecdotes  of  the  great  man  under 
consideration.  The  facts  respecting  him  were  so  scat- 
tered and  vague,  and  divers  of  them  so  questionable  in 
point  of  authenticity,  that  I  have  had  to  give  up  the 
search  after  many,  and  decline  the  admission  of  still 
more,  which  would  have  tended  to  heighten  the  coloring 
of  his  portrait. 

I  have  been  the  more  anxious  to  delineate  fully  the 
person  and  habits  of  Wouter  Yan  Twiller,  from  the  con- 


134  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

sideration  that  he  was  not  only  the  first,  but  also  the 
best  governor  that  ever  presided  over  this  ancient  and 
respectable  province;  and  so  tranquil  and  benevolent 
was  his  reign,  that  I  do  not  find  throughout  the  whole 
of  it  a  single  instance  of  any  offender  being  brought  to 
punishment, — a  most  indubitable  sign  of  a  merciful  gov- 
ernor, and  a  case  unparalleled,  excepting  in  the  reign  of 
the  illustrious  King  Log,  from  whom,  it  is  hinted,  the  re- 
nowned Van  Twiller  was  a  lineal  descendant. 

The  very  outset  of  the  career  of  this  excellent  magis- 
trate was  distinguished  by  an  example  of  legal  acumen, 
that  gave  flattering  presage  of  a  wise  and  equitable  ad- 
ministration. The  morning  after  he  had  been  installed  in 
office,  and  at  the  moment  that  he  was  making  his  break- 
fast from  a  prodigious  earthen  dish,  filled  with  milk  and 
Indian  pudding,  he  was  interrupted  by  the  appearance  of 
Wandle  Schoouhoven,  a  very  important  old  burgher  of 
New  Amsterdam,  who  complained  bitterly  of  one  Barent 
Bleecker,  inasmuch  as  he  refused  to  come  to  a  settlement 
of  accounts,  seeing  that  there  was  a  heavy  balance  in 
favor  of  the  said  Wandle.  Governor  Van  Twiller,  as  I 
have  already  observed,  was  a  man  of  few  words ;  he  was 
likewise  a  mortal  enemy  to  multiplying  writings — or  be- 
ing disturbed  at  his  breakfast.  Having  listened  atten- 
tively to  the  statement  of  Waudle  Schoonhoven,  giving 
an  occasional  grunt,  as  he  shovelled  a  spoonful  of  Indian 
pudding  into  his  mouth, — either  as  a  sign  that  he  relish- 
ed the  dish,  or  comprehended  the  story, — he  called  unto 


GOVERNOR    VAN  TWILLER.  1G5 

liim  his  constable,  and  pulling  out  of  his  breeches-pocket 
a  huge  jack-knife,  dispatched  it  after  the  defendant  as  a 
summons,  accompanied  by  his  tobacco-box  as  a  warrant. 

This  summary  process  was  as  effectual  in  those  simple 
days  as  was  the  seal-ring  of  the  great  Haroun  Alraschid 
among  the  true  believers.  The  two  parties  being  con- 
fronted before  him,  each  produced  a  book  of  accounts, 
written  in  a  language  and  character  that  would  have  puz- 
zled any  but  a  High-Dutch  commentator,  or  a  learned 
decipherer  of  Egyptian  obelisks.  The  sage  Wouter  took 
them  one  after  the  other,  and  having  poised  them  in  his 
hands,  and  attentively  counted  over  the  number  of  leaves, 
fell  straightway  into  a  very  great  doubt,  and  smoked  for 
half  an  hour  without  saying  a  word ;  at  length,  laying  his 
finger  beside  his  nose,  and  shutting  his  eyes  for  a  mo- 
ment, with  the  air  of  a  man  who  has  just  caught  a  subtle 
idea  by  the  tail,  he  slowly  took  his  pipe  from  his  mouth, 
puffed  forth  a  column  of  tobacco-smoke,  and  with  marvel- 
lous gravity  and  solemnity  pronounced,  that,  having  care- 
fully counted  over  the  leaves  and  weighed  the  books,  it 
was  found,  that  one  was  just  as  thick  and  as  heavy  as  the 
other  :  therefore,  it  was  the  final  opinion  of  the  court 
that  the  accounts  were  equally  balanced  :  therefore,  Wan- 
die  should  give  Barent  a  receipt,  and  Barent  should  give 
Wandle  a  receipt,  and  the  constable  should  pay  the 
costs. 

This  decision,  being  straightway  made  known,  diffused 
general  joy  throughout  New  Amsterdam,  for  the  people 


1G6  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

immediately  perceived  that  they  had  a  very  wise  and 
equitable  magistrate  to  rule  over  them.  But  its  happiest 
effect  was,  that  not  another  lawsuit  took  place  through- 
out the  whole  of  his  administration;  and  the  office  of 
constable  fell  into  such  decay,  that  there  was  not  one  of 
those  losel  scouts  known  in  the  province  for  many  years. 
I  am  the  more  particular  in  dwelling  on  this  transaction, 
not  only  because  I  deem  it  one  of  the  most  sage  and 
righteous  judgments  on  record,  and  well  worthy  the  at- 
tention of  modern  magistrates,  but  because  it  was.  a  mi- 
raculous event  in  the  history  of  the  renowned  Wouter — 
being  the  only  time  he  was  ever  known  to  come  to  a  de- 
cision in  the  whole'course  of  his  life. 


CHAPTER  II. 

CONTAINING  SOME  ACCOUNT  OF  THE  GRAND  COUNCIL  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM,  AS 
ALSO  DIVEKS  ESPECIAL  GOOD  PHILOSOPHICAL  REASONS  WHY  AN  ALDERMAN 
SHOULD  BE  FAT— WITH  OTHER  PARTICULARS  TOUCHING  THE  STATE  OF  THE 
PROVINCE. 

treating  of  the  early  governors  of  the  prov- 
ince, I  must  caution  my  readers  against  con- 
founding them,  in  point  of  dignity  and  power, 
with  those  worthy  gentlemen  who  are  whimsically  de- 
nominated governors  in  this  enlightened  republic, — a  set 
of  unhappy  victims  of  popularity,  who  are,  in  fact,  the 
most  dependent,  hen-pecked  beings  in  the  community; 
doomed  to  bear  the  secret  goadings  and  corrections  of 
their  own  party,  and  the  sneers  and  revilings  of  the 
whole  world  beside ;  set  up,  like  geese  at  Christmas  holi- 
days, to  be  pelted  and  shot  at  by  every  whipster  and 
vagabond  in  the  land.  On  the  contrary,  the  Dutch  gov- 
ernors enjoyed  that  uncontrolled  authority  vested  in  all 
commanders  of  distant  colonies  or  territories.  They 
were,  in  a  manner,  absolute  despots  in  their  little  do- 
mains, lording  it,  if  so  disposed,  over  both  law  and  gos- 
pel, and  accountable  to  none  but  the  mother-country; 
which  it  is  well  known  is  astonishingly  deaf  to  all  com- 

167 


1G8  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

plaints  against  its  governors,  provided  they  discharge  the 
main  duty  of  their  station — squeezing  out  a  good  reve- 
nue. This  hint  will  be  of  importance,  to  prevent  my 
readers  from  being  seized  with  doubt  and  incredulity, 
whenever,  in  the  course  of  this  authentic  history,  they 
encounter  the  uncommon  circumstance  of  a  governor  act- 
ing with  independence,  and  in  opposition  to  the  opinions 
of  the  multitude. 

To  assist  the  doubtful  "Wouter  in  the  arduous  business 
of  legislation,  a  board  of  magistrates  wras  appointed,  which 
presided  immediately  over  the  police.  This  potent  body 
consisted  of  a  sellout  or  bailiff,  with  powers  between 
those  of  the  present  mayor  and  sheriff ;  five  burgermees- 
ters,  who  were  equivalent  to  aldermen  ;  and  five  schepeus, 
who  officiated  as  scrubs,  subdevils,  or  bottle-holders  to 
the  burgermeesters,  in  the  same  manner  as  do  assistant 
aldermen  to  their  principals  at  the  present  day, — it  being 
their  duty  to  fill  the  pipes  of  the  lordly  burgermeesters, 
hunt  the  markets  for  delicacies  for  corporation  dinners, 
and  to  discharge  such  other  little  offices  of  kindness  as 
were  occasionally  required.  It  was,  moreover,  tacitly 
understood,  though  not  specifically  enjoined,  that  they 
should  consider  themselves  as  butts  for  tho  blunt  wits  of 
the  burgermeesters,  and  should  laugh  most  heartily  at 
all  their  jokes ;  but  this  last  was  a  duty  as  rarely  called 
in  action  in  those  days  as  it  is  at  present,  and  was  shortly 
remitted,  in  consequence  of  the  tragical  death  of  a  fat 
little  schepen,  who  actually  died  of  suffocation  in  an  uu- 


THE  BOARD  OF  MAGISTRATES.  169 

successful  effort  to  force  a  laugh  at  one  of  burgermeester 
Van  Zandt's  best  jokes. 

In  return  for  these  humble  services,  they  were  per- 
mitted to  say  yes  and  no  at  the  council-board,  and  to  have 
that  enviable  privilege,  the  run  of  the  public  kitchen, — 
being  graciously  permitted  to  eat,  and  drink,  and  smoke, 
at  all  those  snug  junketings  and  public  gormandizings 
for  which  the  ancient  magistrates  were  equally  famous 
with  their  modern  successors.  The  post  of  schepen, 
therefore,  like  that  of  assistant  alderman,  was  eagerly 
coveted  by  all  your  burghers  of  a  certain  description, 
who  have  a  huge  relish  for  good  feeding,  and  an  humble 
ambition  to  be  great  men  in  a  small  way, — who  thirst 
after  a  little  brief  authority,  that  shall  render  them  the 

terror  of  the  alms-house  and  the  bridewell, — that  shall 

» 

enable  them  to  lord  it  over  obsequious  poverty,  vagrant 
vice,  outcast  prostitution,  and  hunger-driven  dishonesty, 
— that  shall  give  to  their  beck  a  houndlike  pack  of  catch- 
polls and  bumbailiffs — tenfold  greater  rogues  than  the 
culprits  they  hunt  down !  My  readers  will  excuse  this 
sudden  warmth,  which  I  confess  is  unbecoming  of  a  grave 
historian, — but  I  have  a  mortal  antipathy  to  catchpolls, 
biimbailiffs,  and  little-great  men. 

The  ancient  magistrates  of  this  city  corresponded  with 
those  of  the  present  time  no  less  in  form,  magnitude,  and 
intellect,  than  in  prerogative  and  privilege.  The  burgo- 
masters, like  our  aldermen,  were  generally  chosen  by 
weight, — and  not  only  the  weight  of  the  body,  but  like- 


170  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

wise  the  weight  of  the  head.  It  is  a  maxim  practically 
observed  in  all  honest,  plain-thinking,  regular  cities,  that 
an  alderman  should  be  fat, — and  the  wisdom  of  this  can 
be  proved  to  a  certainty.  That  the  body  is  in  some 
measure  an  image  of  the  mind,  or  rather  that  the  mind 
is  moulded  to  the  body,  like  melted  lead  to  the  clay  in 
which  it  is  cast,  has  been  insisted  on  by  many  philos- 
ophers, who  have  made  human  nature  their  peculiar 
study ;  for,  as  a  learned  gentleman  of  our  own  city  ob- 
serves, "there  is  a  constant  relation  between  the  moral 
character  of  all  intelligent  creatures  and  their  physical 
constitution,  between  their  habits  and  the  structure  of 
their  bodies."  Thus  we  see  that  a  lean,  spare,  diminu- 
tive body  is  generally  accompanied  by  a  petulant,  rest- 
less, meddling  mind:  either  the  mind  wears  down  the 
body,  by  its  continual  motion,  or  else  the  body,  not  afford- 
ing the  mind  stifLcient  house-room,  keeps  it  continually 
in  a  state  of  fretfulness,  tossing  and  worrying  about  from 
the  uneasiness  of  its  situation.  Whereas  your  round, 
sleek,  fat,  unwieldy  periphery  is  ever  attended  by  a  mind 
like  itself,  tranquil,  torpid,  and  at  ease;  and  we  may 
always  observe,  that  your  well-fed,  robustious  burghers 
are  in  general  very  tenacious  of  their  ease  and  comfort, 
being  great  enemies  to  noise,  discord,  and  disturbance, — 
and  surely  none  are  more  likely  to  study  the  public 
tranquillity  than  those  who  are  so  careful  of  their  own. 
"Who  ever  hears  of  fat  men  heading  a  riot,  or  herding 
together  in  turbulent  mobs? — no — no;  it  is  your  lean, 


HOW  TO  MAKE  A  LENIENT  JUDGE.  1  71 

hungry  men  who  are  continually  worrying  society,  and 
setting  the  whole  community  by  the  ears. 

The  divine  Plato,  whose  doctrines  are  not  sufficiently 
attended  to  by  philosophers  of  the  present  age,  allows  to 
every  man  three  souls  :  one,  immortal  and  rational,  seated 
in  the  brain,  that  it  may  overlook  and  regulate  the  body ; 
a  second,  consistipg  of  the  surly  and  irascible  passions 
which,  like  belligerent  powers,  lie  encamped  around  the 
heart ;  a  third,  mortal  and  sensual,  destitute  of  reason, 
gross  and  brutal  in  its  propensities,  and  enchained  in  the 
belly,  that  it  may  not  disturb  the  divine  soul  by  its  raven- 
ous howlings.  Now,  according  to  this  excellent  theory, 
what  can  be  more  clear  than  that  your  fat  alderman  is 
most  likely  to  have  the  most  regular  and  well-conditioned 
mind.  His  head  is  like  a  huge  spherical  chamber,  con- 
taining a  prodigious  mass  of  soft  brains,  whereon  the  ra- 
tional soul  lies  softly  and  snugly  couched,  as  on  a  feath- 
er-bed ;  and  the  eyes,  which  are  the  windows  of  the  bed- 
chamber, are  usually  half  closed,  that  its  slurnberings 
may  not  be  disturbed  by  external  objects.  A  mind  thus 
comfortably  lodged,  and  protected  from  disturbance,  is 
manifestly  most  likely  to  perform  its  functions  with  regu- 
larity and  ease.  By  dint  of  good  feeding,  moreover,  the 
mortal  and  malignant  soul,  which  is  confined  in  tha  belly, 
and  which,  by  its  raging  and  roaring,  puts  the  irritable 
soul  in  the  neighborhood  of  the  heart  in  an  intolerable 
passion,  and  thus  renders  men  crusty  and  quarrelsome 
when  hungry,  is  completely  pacified,  silenced,  and  put  to 


172  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

rest, — whereupon  a  host  of  honest,  good-fellow  qualities 
and  kind-hearted  affections,  which  had  lain  perdue,  slyly 
peeping  out  of  the  loop-holes  of  the  heart,  finding  this 
cerberus  asleep,  do  pluck  up  their  spirits,  turn  out  one 
and  all  in  their  holiday  suits,  and  gambol  up  and  down 
the  diaphragm, — disposing  their  possessor  to  laughter, 
good-humor,  and  a  thousand  friendly  offices  towards  his 
fellow-mortals. 

As  a  board  of  magistrates,  formed  on  this  principle, 
think  but  very  little,  they  are  the  less  likely  to  differ  and 
wrangle  about  favorite  opinions;  and  as  they  generally 
transact  business  upon  a  hearty  dinner,  they  are  natu- 
rally disposed  to  be  lenient  and  indulgent  in  the  adminis- 
tration of  their  duties.  Charlemagne  was  conscious  of 
this,  and  therefore  ordered  in  his  cartularies,  that  no  judge 
should  hold  a  court  of  justice,  except  in  the  morning,  on 
an  empty  stomach. — A  pitiful  rule,  which  I  can  never  for- 
give, and  which  I  warrant  bore  hard  upon  all  the  poor 
culprits  in  the  kingdom.  The  more  enlightened  and  hu- 
mane generation  of  the  present  day  have  taken  an  oppo- 
site course,  and  have  so  managed  that  the  aldermen  are 
tlie  best-fed  men  in  the  community  ;  feasting  lustily  on 
the  fat  things  of  the  land,  and  gorging  so  heartily  on 
oysters  and  turtles,  that  in  process  of  time  they  acquire 
the  activity  of  the  one,  and  the  form,  the  waddle,  and  the 
green  fat  of  the  other.  The  consequence  is,  as  I  have 
just  said,  these  luxurious  feastings  do  produce  such  a 
dulcet  equanimity  and  repose  of  the  soul,  rational  and  ir- 


WOUTER  AND  HIS  SCHEPENS.  173 

rational,  that  their  transactions  are  proverbial  for  un- 
varying monotony  ;  and  the  profound  laws  which  they 
enact  in  their  dozing  moments,  amid  the  labors  of  diges- 
tion, are  quietly  suffered  to  remain  as  dead  letters,  and 
never  enforced,  when  awake.  In  a  word,  your  fair,  round- 
bellied  burgomaster,  like  a  full-fed  mastiff,  dozes  quietly 
at  the  house-door,  always  at  home,  and  always  at  hand  to 
watch  over  its  safety  ;  but  as  to  electing  a  lean,  meddling 
candidate  to  the  office,  as  has  now  and  then  been  done,  I 
would  as  lief  put  a  greyhound  to  watch  the  house,  or  a 
race-horse  to  draw  an  ox-wagon. 

The  burgomasters,  then,  as  I  have  already  mentioned, 
were  wisely  chosen  by  weight,  and  the  schepens,  or  assist- 
ant aldermen,  were  appointed  to  attend  upon  them  and 
help  them  eat ;  but  the  latter,  in  the  course  of  time,  when 
they  had  been  fed  and  fattened  into  sufficient  bulk  of 
body  and  drowsiness  of  brain,  became  very  eligible  candi- 
dates for  the  burgomasters'  chairs,  having  fairly  eaten 
themselves  into  office,  as  a  mouse  eats  his  way  into  a 
comfortable  lodgment  in  a  goodly,  blue-nosed,  skimmed- 
milk,  New-England  cheese. 

Nothing  could  equal  the  profound  deliberations  that 
took  place  between  the  renowned  Wouter  and  these  his 
worthy  compeers,  unless  it  be  the  sage  divans  of  some 
of  our  modern  corporations.  They  would  sit  for  hours, 
smoking  and  dozing  over  public  affairs,  without  speaking 
a  word  to  interrupt  that  perfect  stillness  so  necessary  to 
deep  reflection.  Under  the  sober  sway  of  Woutor  Van 


174  BISTORT  OF  NEW   YORK. 

Twiller  and  these  his  worthy  coadjutors,  the  infant  settle- 
ment waxed  vigorous  apace,  gradually  emerging  from  the 
swamps  and  forests,  and  exhibiting  that  mingled  appear- 
ance of  town  and  country,  customary  in  new  cities,  and 
which  at  this  day  may  be  witnessed  in  the  city  of  Wash- 
ington,— that  immense  metropolis,  which  makes  so  glori- 
ous an  appearance  on  paper. 

It  was  a  pleasing  sight,  in  those  times,  to  behold  the 
honest  burgher,  like  a  patriarch  of  yore,  seated  on  the 
bench  at  the  door  of  his  whitewashed  house,  under  the 
shade  of  some  gigantic  sycamore  or  overhanging  willow. 
Here  would  he  smoke  his  pipe  of  a  sultry  afternoon, 
enjoying  the  soft  southern  breeze,  and  listening  with 
silent  gratulation  to  the  clucking  of  his  hens,  the  cack- 
ling of  his  geese,  and  the  sonorous  grunting  of  his  swine, 
— that  combination  of  farm-yard  melody  which  may  truly 
be  said  to  have  a  silver  sound,  inasmuch  as  it  conveys  a 
certain  assurance  of  profitable  marketing. 

The  modern  spectator,  who  wanders  through  the 
streets  of  this  populous  city,  can  scarcely  form  an  idea 
of  the  different  appearance  they  presented  in  the  primi- 
tive days  of  the  Doubter.  The  busy  hum  of  multitudes, 
the  shouts  of  revelry,  the  rumbling  equipages  of  fashion, 
the  rattling  of  accursed  carts,  and  all  the  spirit-grieving 
sounds  of  brawling  commerce,  were  unknown  in  the  set- 
tlement of  New  Amsterdam.  "The  grass  grew  quietly  in 
the  highways ;  the  bleating  sheep  and  frolicsome  calves 
sported  about  the  verdant  ridge,  where  now  the  Broad- 


THE  BLESSINGS  OF  IGNORANCE.  175 

way  loungers  take  their  morning  stroll ;  the  cunning  fox 
or  ravenous  wolf  skulked  in  the  woods,  where  now  are 
to  be  seen  the  dens  of  Goinez  and  his  righteous  frater- 
nity of  money-brokers  ;  and  flocks  of  vociferous  geese 
cackled  about  the  fields  where  now  the  great  Tammany 
wigwam  and  the  patriotic  tavern  of  Martling  echo  with 
the  wranglings  of  the  mob. 

In  these  good  times  did  a  true  and  enviable  equality 
of  rank  and  property  prevail,  equally  removed  from  the 
arrogance  of  wealth,  and  the  servility  and  heart-burnings 
of  repining  poverty ;  and,  what  in  my  mind  is  still  more 
conducive  to  tranquillity  and  harmony  among  friends,  a 
happy  equality  of  intellect  was  likewise  to  be  seen.  The 
minds  of  the  good  burghers  of  New  Amsterdam  seemed 
all  to  have  been  cast  in  one  mould,  and  to  be  those 
honest,  blunt  minds,  which,  like  certain  manufactures, 
are  made  by  the  gross,  and  considered  as  exceedingly 
good  for  common  use. 

Thus  it  happens  that  your  true  dull  minds  are  gener- 
ally preferred  for  public  employ,  and  especially  promoted 
to  city  honors ;  your  keen  intellects,  like  razors,  being 
considered  too  sharp  for  common  service.  I  know  that 
it  is  common  to  rail  at  the  unequal  distribution  of  riches, 
as  the  great  source  of  jealousies,  broils,  and  heart-break- 
ings ;  whereas,  for  my  part,  I  verily  believe  it  is  the  sad 
inequality  of  intellect  that  prevails,  that  embroils  com- 
munities more  than  anything  else ;  and  I  have  remarked 
that  your  knowing  people,  who  are  so  much  wiser  than 


176  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

anybody  else,  are  eternally  keeping  society  in  a  ferment. 
Happily  for  New  Amsterdam,  nothing  of  the  kind  was 
known  within  its  walls ;  the  very  words  of  learning, 
education,  taste,  and  talents  were  unheard  of;  a  bright 
genius  was  an  animal  unknown,  and  a  blue-stocking  lady 
would  have  been  regarded  with  as  much  wonder  as  a 
horned  frog  or  a  fiery  dragon.  No  man,  in  fact,  seemed 
to  know  more  than  his  neighbor,  nor  any  man  to  know 
more  than  an  honest  man  ought  to  know,  who  has  no- 
body's business  to  mind  but  his  own  ;  the  parson  and 
the  council  clerk  were  the  only  men  that  could  read  in 
the  community,  and  the  sage  Van  Twiller  always  signed 
his  name  with  a  cross. 

Thrice  happy  and  ever  to  be  envied  little  Burgh !  ex- 
isting in  all  the  security  of  harmless  insignificance, — un- 
noticed and  unenvied  by  the  world,  without  ambition, 
without  vainglory,  without  riches,  without  learning,  and 
all  their  train  of  carking  cares ; — and  as  of  yore,  in  the 
better  days  of  man,  the  deities  were  wont  to  visit  him  on 
earth  and  bless  his  rural  habitations,  so,  we  are  told,  in 
the  sylvan  days  of  New  Amsterdam,  the  good  St.  Nicholas 
would  often  make  his  appearance  in  his  beloved  city,  of  a 
holiday  afternoon,  riding  jollily  among  the  tree-tops,  or 
over  the  roofs  of  the  houses,  now  and  iheii  drawing  forth 
magnificent  presents  from  his  breeches  pockets,  and  drop- 
ping them  down  the  chimneys  of  his  favorites.  "Wl'f-.reas, 
in  these  degenerate  days  of  iron  and  brass,  he  never 
shows  us  the  light  of  his  countenance,  nor  ever  visits  113, 


THE  EVEN  TENOR  OF  THEIR   WAT.  177 

save  one  night  in  the  year,  when  he  rattles  down  the 
chimneys  of  the  descendants  of  patriarchs,  confining  his 
presents  merely  to  the  children,  in  token  of  the  degener- 
acy of  the  parents. 

Such  are  the  comfortable  and  thriving  effects  of  a  fat 
government.  The  province  of  the  New  Netherlands,  des- 
titute of  wealth,  possessed  a  sweet  tranquillity  that  wealth 
could  never  purchase.  There  were  neither  public  com- 
motions, nor  private  quarrels ;  neither  parties,  nor  sects, 
nor  schisms ;  neither  persecutions,  nor  trials,  nor  punish- 
ments ;  nor  were  there  counsellors,  attorneys,  catchpolls, 
or  hangmen.  Every  man  attended,  to  what  little  business 
he  was  lucky  enough  to  have,  or  neglected  it  if  he  pleased, 
without  asking  the  opinion  of  his  neighbor.  In  those 
days  nobody  meddled  with  concerns  above  his  comprehen- 
sion ;  nor  thrust  his  nose  into  other  people's  affairs  ;  nor 
neglected  to  correct  his  own  conduct,  and  reform  his  own 
character,  in  his  zeal  to  pull  to  pieces  the  characters  of 
others ; — but,  in  a  word,  every  respectable  citizen  ate 
when  he  was  not  hungry,  drank  when  he  was  not  thirsty, 
and  went  regularly  to  bed  when  the  sun  set  and  the  fowls 
went  to  roost,  whether  he  was  sleepy  or  not ;  all  which 
tended  so  remarkably  to  the  population  of  the  settlement, 
that  I  am  told  every  dutiful  wife  throughout  New  Am- 
sterdam made  a  point  of  enriching  her  husband  with  at 
least  one  child  a  year,  and  very  often  a  brace, — this  su- 
perabundance of  good  things  clearly  constituting  the  true 
luxury  of  life,  according  to  the  favorite  Dutch  maxim,. 
12 


178  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

• 

that,  "more  than  enough  constitutes  a  feast."  Every- 
thing, therefore,  went  on  exactly  as  it  should  do,  and  in 
the  usual  words  employed  by  historians  to  express  the 
welfare  of  a  country,  "the  profoundest  tranquillity  and 
repose  reigned  throughout  the  province." 


CHAPTER  III. 

HOW  THE  TOWN  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM  AROSE  OUT  OF  MUD,  AND  CAME  TO  E3 
MARVELLOUSLY  POLISHED  AND  POLITE— TOGETHER  WITH  A  PICTURE  OS1  T2K 
MANNERS  OF  OUR  GREAT-GREAT-GRANDFATHERS. 

ANIFOLD  are  the  tastes  and  dispositions  of 
the  enlightened  literati,  who  turn  over  the  pages 
of  history.  Some  there  be  whose  hearts  are 
brimful  of  the  yeast  of  courage,  and  whose  bosoms  do 
work,  and  swell,  and  foam,  with  untried  valor,  like  a 
barrel  of  new  cider,  or  a  train-band  captain,  fresh  from 
under  the  hands  of  his  tailor.  This  doughty  class  of 
readers  can  be  satisfied  with  nothing  but  bloody  bat- 
tles, and  horrible  encounters ;  they  must  be  continually 
storming  forts,  sacking  cities,  springing  mines,  marching 
up  to  the  muzzles  of  cannon,  charging  bayonet  through 
every  page,  and  revelling  in  gunpowder  and  carnage. 
Others,  who  are  of  a  less  martial,  but  equally  ardent 
imagination,  and  who,  withal,  are  a  little  given  to  the 
marvellous,  will  dwell  with  wondrous  satisfaction  on  de- 
scriptions of  prodigies,  unheard-of  events,  hair-breadth 
escapes,  hardy  adventures,  and  all  those  astonishing 
narrations  which  just  amble  along  the  boundary  line  of 
possibility.  A  third  class,  who,  not  to  speak  slightly  of 

179 


180  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

them,  are  of  a  lighter  turn,  and  skim  over  the  records  of 
past  times,  as  they  do  over  the  edifying  pages  of  a  novel, 
merely  for  relaxation  and  innocent  amusement,  do  sin- 
gularly delight  in  treasons,  executions,  Sabine  rapes, 
Tarquin  outrages,  conflagrations,  murders,  and  all  the 
other  catalogue  of  hideous  crimes,  which,  like  cayenne 
in  cookery,  do  give  a  pungency  and  flavor  to  the  dull 
detail  of  history.  While  a  fourth  class,  of  more  philo- 
sophic habits,  do  diligently  pore  over  the  musty  chron- 
icles of  time,  to  investigate  the  operations  of  the  human 
kind,  and  watch  the  gradual  changes  in  men  and  man- 
ners, effected  by  the  progress  of  knowledge,  the  vicissi- 
tudes of  events,  or  the  influence  of  situation. 

If  the  three  first  classes  find  but  little  wherewithal  to 
solace  themselves  in  the  tranquil  reign  of  Wouter  Yan 
Twiller,  I  entreat  them  to  exert  their  patience  for  a 
while,  and  bear  with  the  tedious  picture  of  happiness, 
prosperity,  and  peacs,  which  my  duty  as  a  faithful  his- 
torian obliges  me  to  draw  ;  and  I  promise  them,  that,  as 
soon  as  I  can  possibly  alight  on  anything  horrible,  un- 
common, or  impossible,  it  shall  go  hard,  but  I  will  make 
it  afford  them  entertainment.  This  being  premised,  I 
turn  with  great  complacency  to  the  fourth  class  of  my 
readers,  who  are  men,  or,  if  possible,  women  after  my 
own  heart ;  grave,  philosophical,  and  investigating ;  fond 
of  analyzing  characters,  of  taking  a  start  from  first 
causes,  and  so  hunting  a  nation  down,  through  all  the 
mazes  of  innovation  and  improvement.  Such  will  natu- 


iOW  THE  STREETS  WERE  MADE.  181 

rally  ba  anxious  to  witness  the  first  development  of  the 
ne  \vly-hatched  colony,  and  the  primitive  manners  and 
customs  prevalent  among  its  inhabitants,  during  the 
halcyon  reign  of  Van  Twiller,  or  the  Doubter. 

I  will  not  grieve  their  patience,  however,  by  describing 
minutely  the  increase  and  improvement  of  New  Amster- 
dam. Their  own  imaginations  will  doubtless  present  to 
them  the  good  burghers,  like  so  many  painstaking  and 
persevering  beavers,  slowly  and  surely  pursuing  their 
labors :  they  will  behold  the  prosperous  transformation 
from  the  rude  log  hut  to  the  stately  Dutch  mansion,  with 
brick  front,  glazed  windows,  and  tiled  roof ;  from  the  tan- 
gled thicket  to  the  luxuriant  cabbage-garden ;  and  from 
the  skulking  Indian  to  the  ponderous  burgomaster.  In  a 
word,  they  will  picture  to  themselves  the  steady,  silent, 
and  undeviating  march  of  prosperity,  incident  to  a  city 
destitute  of  pride  or  ambition,  cherished  by  a  fat  govern- 
ment, and  whose  citizens  do  nothing  in  a  hurry. 

The  sage  council,  as  has  been  mentioned  in  a  preceding 
chapter,  not  being  able  to  determine  upon  any  plan  for 
the  building  of  their  city, — the  cows,  in  a  laudable  fit  of 
patriotism,  took  it  under  their  peculiar  charge,  and,  as 
they  went  to  and  from  pasture,  established  paths  through 
the  bushes,  on  each  side  of  which  the  good  folks  built 
their  houses, — which  is  one  cause  of  the  rambling  and 
picturesque  turns  and  labyrinths  which  distinguish  cer- 
tain streets  of  New  York  at  this  very  day. 

The  houses  of  the  higher  class  were  generally  con- 


182  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

structed  of  wood,  excepting  the  gable  end  which  was  of 
small,  black  and  yellow  Dutch  bricks,  and  always  faced 
on  the  street,  as  our  ancestors,  like  their  descendants, 
were  very  much  given  to  outward  show,  and  were  noted 
for  putting  the  best  leg  foremost.  The  house  was  always 
furnished  with  abundance  of  large  doors  and  small  win- 
dows on  every  floor,  the  date  of  its  erection  was  curiously 
designated  by  iron  figures  on  the  front,  and  on  the  top  of 
the  roof  was  pjerched  a  fierce  little  weathercock,  to  let  the 
family  into  the  important  secret  which  way  the  wind  blew. 

These,  like  the  weathercocks  on  the  tops  of  our  stee- 
ples, pointed  so  many  different  ways,  that  every  man  could 
have  a  wind  to  his  mind ; — the  most  stanch  and  loyal  citi- 
zens, however,  always  went  according  to  the  weathercock 
on  the  top  of  the  governor's  house,  which  was  certainly 
the  most  correct,  as  he  had  a  trusty  servant  employed 
every  morning  to  climb  up  and  set  it  to  the  right  quarter. 

In  those  good  days  of  simplicity  and  sunshine,  a  pas- 
sion for  cleanliness  was  the  leading  principle  in  domestic 
economy,  and  the  universal  test  of  an  able  housewife, — a 
character  which  formed  the  utmost  ambition  of  our  unen- 
lightened grandmothers.  The  front-door  was  never  open- 
ed, except  on  marriages,  funerals,  New-Year's  days,  the 
festival  of  St.  Nicholas,  or  some  such  great  occasion.  It 
was  ornamented  with  a  gorgeous  brass  knocker,  curiously 
wrought,  sometimes  in  the  device  of  a  dog,  and  sometimes 
of  a  lion's  head,  and  was  daily  burnished  with  such  relig- 
ious zeal,  that  it  was  ofttimes  worn  out  by  the  very  pre- 


THE  GRAND  PARLOR.  183 

cautions  taken  for  its  preservation.  The  whole  house 
was  constantly  in  a  state  of  inundation,  under  the  disci- 
pline of  mops  and  brooms  and  scrubbing-brushes ;  and 
the  good  housewives  of  those  days  were  a  kind  of  am- 
phibious animal,  delighting  exceedingly  to  be  dabbling  in 
water, — insomuch  that  an  historian  of  the  day  gravely 
tells  us,  that  many  of  his  townswomen  grew  to  have  web- 
bed fingers  like  unto  a  duck ;  and  some  of  them,  he  had 
little  doubt,  could  the  matter  be  examined  into,  would  be 
found  to  have  the  tails  of  mermaids, — but  this  I  look 
upon  to  be  a  mere  sport  of  fancy,  or,  what  is  worse,  a 
wilful  misrepresentation. 

The  grand  parlor  was  the  sanctum  sanctorum,  where 
the  passion  for  cleaning  was  indulged  without  control. 
In  this  sacred  apartment  no  one  was  permitted  to  enter, 
excepting  the  mistress  and  her  confidential  maid,  who 
visited  it,  once  a  week,  for  the  purpose  of  giving  it  a 
thorough  cleaning,  and  putting  things  to  rights, — always 
taking  the  precaution  of  leaving  their  shoes  at  the  door, 
and  entering  devoutly  on  their  stocking-feet.  After  scrub- 
bing the  floor,  sprinkling  it  with  fine  white  sand,  which 
was  curiously  stroked  into  angles  and  curves  and  rhom- 
boids with  a  broom, — after  washing  the  windows,  rubbing 
and  polishing  the  furniture,  and  putting  a  new  bunch  of 
evergreens  in  the  fireplace, — the  window-shutters  were 
again  closed  to  keep  out  the  flies,  and  the  room  carefully 
locked  up  until  the  revolution  of  time  brought  round  the 
weekly  cleaning-day. 


184  HISTORY  OF  NEV,'   TOEK. 

As  to  the  family,  tliey  always  entered  in  at  the  gate, 
and  most  generally  lived  in  the  kitchen.  To  have  seen  a 
numerous  household  assembled  round  the  fire,  one  would 
have  imagined  that  he  was  transported  back  to  those 
happy  days  of  primeval  simplicity,  which  float  before  our 
imaginations  like  golden  visions.  The  fireplaces  were  of 
a  truly  patriarchal  magnitude,  where  the  whole  family, 
old  and  young,  master  and  servant,  black  and  white,  nay, 
even  the  very  cat  and  dog,  enjoyed  a  community  of  privi- 
lege, and  had  each  a  right  to  a  corner.  Here  the  old 
burgher  would  sit  in  perfect  silence,  puffing  his  pipe, 
looking  in  the  fire  with  half-shut  eyes,  and  thinking  of 
nothing  for  hours  together ;  the  goede  vrouw,  on  the  op- 
posite side,  would  employ  herself  diligently  in  spinning 
yarn,  or  knitting  stockings.  The  young  folks  would  crowd 
around  the  hearth,  listening  with  breathless  attention  to 
some  old  crone  of  a  negro,  who  was  the  oracle  of  the  fam- 
ily, and  who,  perched  like  a  raven  in  a  corner  of  the 
chimney,  would  croak  forth  for  a  long  winter  afternoon  a 
string  of  incredible  stories  about  New-England  witches, 
— grisly  ghosts,  horses  without  heads, — and  hair-breadth 
escapes,  and  bloody  encounters  among  the  Indians. 

In  those  happy  days  a  well-regulated  family  always 
rose  with  the  dawn,  dined  at  eleven,  and  went  to  bed  at 
sunset.  Dinner  was  invariably  a  private  meal,  and  the 
fat  old  burghers  showed  incontestable  signs  of  disappro- 
bation and  uneasiness  at  being  surprised  by  a  visit  from 
a  neighbor  on  such  occasions.  But  though  our  worthy 


THE  TEA-TABLE,  185 

ancestors  wero  thus  singularly  averse  to  giving  dinners, 
yet  they  kept  up  the  social  bands  of  intimacy  by  occa- 
sional banquetings,  called  tea-parties. 

These  fashionable  parties  were  generally  confined  to 
the  higher  classes,  or  noblesse,  that  is  to  say,  such  as 
kept  their  own  cows,  and  drove  their  own  wagons.  The 
company  commonly  assembled  at  three  o'clock,  and  went 
away  about  six,  unless  it  was  in  winter-time,  when  the 
fashionable  hours  were  a  little  earlier,  that  the  ladies 
might  get  home  before  dark.  The  tea-table  was  crowned 
with  a  huge  earthen  dish,  well  stored  with  slices  of  fat 
pork,  fried  brown,  cut  up  into  morsels,  and  swimming  in 
gravy.  The  company  being  seated  round  the  genial 
board,  and  each  furnished  with  a  fork,  evinced  their  dex- 
terity in  launching  at  the  fattest  pieces  in  this  mighty 
dish, — in  much  the  same  manner  as  sailors  harpoon  por- 
poises at  sea,  or  our  Indians  spear  salmon  in  the  lakes. 
Sometimes  the  table  was  graced  with  immense  apple- 
pies,  or  saucers  full  of  preserved  peaches  and  pears ;  but 
it  was  always  sure  to  boast  an  enormous  dish  of  balls  of 
sweetened  dough,  fried  in  hog's  fat,  and  called  dough- 
nuts, or  olykoeks, — a  delicious  kind  of  cake,  at  present 
scarce  known  in  this  city,  except  in  genuine  Dutch  fami- 
lies. 

The  tea  was  served  out  of  a  majestic  Delft  tea-pot,  or- 
namented with  paintings  of  fat  little  Dutch  shepherds 
and  shepherdesses  "tending  pigs,  with  boats  sailing  in 
the  air,  and  houses  built  in  the  clouds,  and  sundry  other 


186  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

ingenious  Dutch  fantasies.  The  beaux  distinguished 
themselves  by  their  adroitness  in  replenishing  this  pot 
from  a  huge  copper  tea-kettle,  which  would  have  made 
the  pigmy  macaronies  of  these  degenerate  days  sweat 
merely  to  look  at  it.  To  sweeten  the  beverage,  a  lump 
of  sugar  was  laid  beside  each  cup,  and  the  company  alter- 
nately nibbled  and  sipped  with  great  decorum,  until  an 
improvement  was  introduced  by  a  shrewd  and  economic 
old  lady,  which  was  to  suspend  a  large  lump  directly 
over  the  tea-table,  by  a  string  from  the  ceiling,  so  that  it 
could  be  swung  from  mouth  to  mouth, — an  ingenious  ex- 
pedient, which  is  still  kept  up  by  some  families  in  Al- 
bany, but  which  prevails  without  exception  in  Commu- 
lipaw,  Bergen,  Flatbush,  and  all  our  uncontaminated 
Dutch  villages. 

At  these  primitive  tea-parties  the  utmost  propriety 
and  dignity  of  deportment  prevailed.  No  flirting  nor  co- 
quetting,— no  gambling  of  old  ladies,  nor  hoyden  chatter- 
ing and  romping  of  young  ones, — no  self-satisfied  strut- 
tings  of  wealthy  gentlemen,  with  their  brains  in  their 
pockets,  nor  amusing  conceits  and  monkey  divertise- 
ments  of  smart  young  gentlemen,  with  no  brains  at 
all.  On  the  contrary,  the  young  ladies  seatsd  them- 
selves demurely  in  their  rush-bottom  chairs,  and  knit 
their  own  woollen  stockings  ;  nor  ever  opened  their  lips 
excepting  to  say  yak  Mynheer,  or,  yah  ya  Vrouiv,  to  any 
question  that  was  asked  them;  behaving  in  all  things 
like  decent,  well-educated  damsels.  As  to  the  gentle- 


THE  TEA-PARTY.  187 

men,  each  of  them  tranquilly  smoked  his  pipe,  and 
seemed  lost  in  contemplation  of  the  blue  and  white  tiles 
with  which  the  fireplaces  were  decorated;  wherein  sun- 
dry passages  of  Scripture  were  piously  portrayed  :  Tobit 
and  his  dog  figured  to  great  advantage;  Haman  swung 
conspicuously  on  his  gibbet ;  and  Jonah  appeared  most 
manfully  bouncing  out  of  the  whale,  like  Harlequin 
through  a  barrel  of  fire. 

The  parties  broke  up  without  noise  and  without  con- 
fusion. They  were  carried  home  by  their  own  carriages, 
that  is  to  say,  by  the  vehicles  nature  had  provided  them, 
excepting  such  of  the  wealthy  as  could  afford  to  keep  a 
wagon.  The  gentlemen  gallantly  attended  their  fair  ones 
to  their  respective  abodes,  and  took  leave  of  them  with  a 
hearty  smack  at  the  door:  which, 'as  it  was  an  established 
piece  of  etiquette,  done  in  perfect  simplicity  and  honesty 
of  heart,  occasioned  no  scandal  at  that  time,  nor  should 
it  at  the  present ; — if  our  great-grandfathers  approved  of 
the  custom,  it  would  argue  a  great  want  of  deference  in 
their  descendants  to  say  a  word  against  it. 


CHAPTEK  IV. 

CONTAINING  FURTHER  PARTICULARS  OF  THE  GOLDEN  AGE,  AND  WHAT  CON- 
STITUTED A  FINE  LADY  AND  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  DAYS  OF  WALTER  T1I3 
DOUBTEK. 

|N  this  dulcet  period  of  my  history,  when  the 
beauteous  island  of  Manna-hata  presented  a 
scene,  the  very  counterpart  of  those  glowing 


pictures  drawn  of  the  golden  reign  of  Saturn,  there  was, 
as  I  have  before  observed,  a  happy  ignorance,  an  honest 
simplicity  prevalent  among  its  inhabitants,  which,  were 
I  even  able  to  depict,  would  be  but  little  understood 
by  the  degenerate  age  for  which  I  am  doomed  to  write. 
Even  the  female  sex,  those  arch  innovators  upon  the 
tranquillity,  the  honesty,  and  gray-beard  customs  of 
society,  seemed  for  a  while  to  conduct  themselves  with 
incredible  sobriety  and  comeliness. 

Their  hair,  untortured  by  the  abominations  of  art,  was 
scrupulously  pomatumed  back  from  their  foreheads  with 
a  candle,  and  covered  with  a  little  cap  of  quilted  calico, 
which  fitted  exactly  to  their  heads.  Their  petticoats  of 
linsey-woolsey  were  striped  with  a  variety  of  gorgeous 
dyes, — though  I  must  confess  these  gallant  garments  were 

188 


USEFUL  ADORNMENTS.  189 

rather  short,  scarce  reaching  below  the  knee ;  but  then 
they  made  up  in  the  number,  which  generally  equalled 
that  of  the  gentleman's  small-clothes;  and  what  is  still 
more  praiseworthy,  they  were  all  of  their  own  manufac- 
ture,— of  which  circumstance,  as  may  well  be  supposed, 
they  were  not  a  little  vain. 

These  were  the  honest  days  in  which  every  woman 
staid  at  home,  read  the  Bible,  and  wore  pockets, — ay, 
and  that  too  of  a  goodly  size,  fashioned  with  patchwork 
into  many  curious  devices,  and  ostentatiously  worn  on 
the  outside.  These,  in  fact,  were  convenient  receptacles, 
where  all  good  housewives  carefully  stored  away  such 
things  as  they  wished  to  have  at  hand ;  by  which  means 
they  often  came  to  be  incredibly  crammed;  and  I  re- 
member there  was  a  story  current,  when  I  was  a  boy, 
that  the  lady  of  Wouter  Van  Twiller  once  had  occasion  to 
empty  her  right  pocket  in  search  of  a  wooden  ladle,  when 
the  contents  filled  a  couple  of  corn-baskets,  and  the  uten- 
sil was  discovered  lying  among  some  rubbish  in  one 
corner ; — but  we  must  not  give  too  much  faith  to  all 
these  stories,  the  anecdotes  of  those  remote  periods  being 
very  subject  to  exaggeration. 

Besides  these  notable  pockets,  they  likewise  wore  scis- 
sors and  pin-cushions  suspended  from  their  girdles  by- 
red  ribands,  or,  among  the  more  opulent  and  showy- 
classes,  by  brass,  and  even  silver  chains, — indubitable 
tokens  of  thrifty  housewives  and  industrious  spinsters. 
I  cannot  say  much  in  vindication  of  the  shortness  of  the 


190  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

petticoats ;  it  doubtless  was  introduced  for  tlie  purpose 
of  giving  the  stockings  a  chance  to  be  seen,  which  were 
generally  of  blue  worsted,  with  magnificent  red  clocks, — 
or,  perhaps,  to  display  a  well-turned  ankle,  and  a  neat, 
though  serviceable  foot,  set  off  by  a  high-heeled  leathern 
shoe,  with  a  large  and  splendid  silver  buckle.  Thus  we 
find  that  the  gentle  sex  in  all  ages  have  shown  the  same 
disposition  to  infringe  a  little  upon  the  laws  of  decorum, 
in  order  to  betray  a  lurking  beauty,  or  gratify  an  inno- 
cent love  of  finery. 

From  the  sketch  here  given,  it  will  be  seen  that  our 
good  grandmothers  differed  considerably  in  their  ideas 
of  a  fine  figure  from  their  scantily  dressed  descendants 
of  the  present  day.  A  fine  lady,  in  those  times,  waddled 
under  more  clothes,  even  on  a  fair  summer's  day,  than 
would  have  clad  the  whole  bevy  of  a  modern  ball-room. 
Nor  were  they  the  less  admired  by  the  gentlemen  in  con- 
sequence thereof.  On  the  contrary,  the  greatness  of  a 
lover's  passion  seemed  to  increase  in  proportion  to  the 
magnitude  of  its  object, — and  a  voluminous  damsel,  ar- 
rayed in  a  dozen  of  petticoats,  was  declared  by  a  Low- 
Dutch  sonneteer  of  the  province  to  be  radiant  as  a  sun- 
flower, and  luxuriant  as  a  full-blown  cabbage.  Certain  it 
is,  that  in  those  days  the  heart  of  a  lover  could  not  con- 
tain more  than  one  lady  at  a  time ;  whereas  the  heart  of 
a  modern  gallant  has  often  room  enough  to  accommodate 
half  a  dozen.  The  reason  of  which  I  conclude  to  be,  that 
either  the  hearts  of  the  gentlemen  have  grown  larger,  or 


THE  GAT  CAVALIERS.  191 

the  persons  of  the  ladies  smaller :  this,  however,  is  a 
question  for  physiologists  to  determine. 

But  there  was  a  secret  charm  in  these  petticoats,  which, 
no  doubt,  entered  into  the  consideration  of  the  prudent 
gallants.  The  wardrobe  of  a  lady  was  in  those  days  her 
only  fortune ;  and  she  who  had  a  good  stock  of  petticoats 
and  stockings  was  as  absolutely  an  heiress  as  is  a  Kam- 
tchatka  damsel  with  a  store  of  bear-skins,  or  a  Lapland 
belle  with  a  plenty  of  reindeer.  The  ladies,  therefore, 
were  very  anxious  to  display  these  powerful  attractions 
to  the  greatest  advantage ;  and  the  best  rooms  in  the 
house,  instead  of  being  adorned  with  caricatures  of  dame 
Nature,  in  water-colors  and  needle-work,  were  always 
hung  round  with  abundance  of  homespun  garments,  the 
manufacture  and  the  property  of  the  females, — a  piece  of 
laudable  ostentation  that  still  prevails  among  the  heir- 
esses of  our  Dutch  villages. 

The  gentlemen,  in  fact,  who  figured  in  the  circles  of 
the  gay  world  in  these  ancient  times,  corresponded,  in 
most  particulars,  with  the  beauteous  damsels  whose 
smiles  they  were  ambitious  to  deserve.  True  it  is,  their 
merits  would  make  but  a  very  inconsiderable  impression 
upon  the  heart  of  a  modern  fair :  they  neither  drove  their 
curricles,  nor  sported  their  tandems,  for  as  yet  those 
gaudy  vehicles  were  not  even  dreamt  of ;  neither  did  they 
distinguish  themselves  by  their  brilliancy  at  the  table, 
and  their  consequent  rencontres  with  watchmen,  for  our 
forefathers  were  of  too  pacific  a  disposition  to  need  those 


192  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

guardians  of  the  night,  every  soul  throughout  the  town 
being  sound  asleep  before  nine  o'clock.  Neither  did  they 
establish  their  claims  to  gentility  at  the  expense  of  their 
tailors,  for  as  yet  those  offenders  against  the  pockets  of 
society,  and  the  tranquillity  of  all  aspiring  young  gen- 
tlemen, were  unknown  in  New  Amsterdam;  every  good 
housewife  made  the  clothes  of  her  husband  and  family, 
and  even  the  goede  vrouw  of  Van  Twiller  himself  thought 
it  no  disparagement  to  cut  out  her  husband's  linsey- 
woolsey  galligaskins. 

Not  but  what  there  were  some  two  or  three  youngsters 
who  manifested  the  first  dawning  of  what  is  called  fire 
and  spirit;  who  held  all  labor  in  contempt;  skulked 
about  docks  and  market-places ;  loitered  in  the  sunshine ; 
squandered  what  little  money  they  could  procure  at  hus- 
tlecap  and  chuck-farthing;  swore,  boxed,  fought  cocks, 
and  raced  their  neighbors'  horses;  in  short,  who  prom- 
ised to  be  the  wonder,  the  talk,  and  abomination  of  the 
town,  had  not  their  stylish  career  been  unfortunately  cut 
short  by  an  affair  of  honor  with  a  whipping-post. 

Far  other,  however,  was  the  truly  fashionable  gentle- 
man of  those  days:  his  dress,  which  served  for  both 
morning  and  evening,  street  and  drawing-room,  was  a 
linsey-woolsey  coat,  made,  perhaps,  by  the  fair  hands  of 
the  mistress  of  his  affections,  and  gallantly  bedecked 
with  abundance  of  large  brass  buttons;  half  a  score  of 
breeches  heightened  the  proportions  of  his  figure;  his 
shoes  were  decorated  by  enormous  copper  buckles;  a 


THE  GOLDEN  AGE.  193 

low-crowned  broad-rimmed  hat  overshadowed  his  burly 
visage ;  and  his  hair  dangled  down  his  back  in  a  prodig- 
ious queue  of  eel-skin. 

Thus  equipped,  he  would  manfully  sally  forth,  with 
pipe  in  mouth,  to  besiege  some  fair  damsel's  obdurate 
heart, — not  such  a  pipe,  good  reader,  as  that  which  Acis 
did  sweetly  tune  in  praise  of  his  Galatea,  but  one  of  true 
Delft  manufacture,  and  furnished  with  a  charge  of  fra- 
grant tobacco.  With  this  would  he  resolutely  set  himself 
down  before  the  fortress,  and  rarely  failed,  in  the  process 
of  time,  to  smoke  the  fair  enemy  into  a  surrender,  upon 
honorable  terms. 

Such  was  the  happy  reign  of  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  cele- 
brated in  many  a  long-forgotten  song  as  the  real  golden 
age,  the  rest  being  nothing  but  counterfeit  copper-washed 
coin.  In  that  delightful  period,  a  sweet  and  holy  calm 
reigned  over  the  whole  province.  The  burgomaster 
smoked  his  pipe  in  peace ;  the  substantial  solace  of  his 
domestic  cares,  after  her  daily  toils  were  done,  sat  sober- 
ly at  the  door,  with  her  arms  crossed  over  her  apron  of 
snowy  white,  without  being  insulted  with  ribald  street- 
walkers or  vagabond  boys, — those  unlucky  urchins  who 
do  so  infest  our  streets,  displaying,  under  the  roses  of 
youth,  the  thorns  and  briers  of  iniquity.  Then  it  was 
that  the  lover  with  ten  breeches,  and  the  damsel  with 
petticoats  of  half  a  score,  indulged  in  all  the  innocent 
endearments  of  virtuous  love,  without  fear  and  without 
reproach ;  for  what  had  that  virtue  to  fear,  which  was  de- 
13 


194  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

fended  by  a  shield  of  good  linsey-woolseys,  equal  at  least 
to  the  seven  bull-hides  of  the  invincible  Ajax '? 

Ah,  blissful  and  never  to  be  forgotten  age !  when  every- 
thing was  better  than  it  has  ever  been  since,  or  ever  will 
be  again, — when  Buttermilk  Channel  was  quite  dry  at 
low  water, — when  the  shad  in  the  Hudson  were  all  sal- 
mon,— and  when  the  moon  shone  with  a  pure  and  resplen- 
dent whiteness,  instead  of  that  melancholy  yellow  light 
which  is  the  consequence  of  her  sickening  at  the  abomi- 
nations she  every  night  witnesses  in  this  degenerate  city ! 

Happy  would  it  have  been  for  New  Amsterdam  could 
it  always  have  existed  in  this  state  of  blissful  ignorance 
and  lowly  simplicity;  but,  alas!  the  days  of  childhood 
are  too  sweet  to  last !  Cities,  like  men,  grow  out  of  them 
in  time,  and  are  doomed  alike  to  grow  into  the  bustle,  the 
cares,  and  miseries  of  the  world.  Let  no  man  congratu- 
late himself,  when  he  beholds  the  child  of  his  bosom  or 
the  city  of  his  birth  increasing  in  magnitude  and  impor- 
tance,— let  the  history  of  his  own  life  teach  him  the  dan- 
gers of  the  one,  and  this  excellent  little  history  of  Manna- 
hata  convince  him  of  the  calamities  of  the  other. 


CHAPTER  V. 

OF  THE  FOUNDING  OF  FORT  AURANIA — OF  THE  MYSTERIES  OF  THE  HUDSON^ 
OF  THE  ARRIVAL  OF  THE  PATROON  KILLIAN  VAN  RENSELLAER  ;  HIS  LORDLY 
DESCENT  UPON  THE  EARTH,  AND  HIS  INTRODUCTION  OF  CLUB-LAW. 

T  has  already  been  mentioned,  that,  in  the  early- 
times  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer,  a  frontier-post,  or 
trading-house,  called  Fort  Aurania,  had  been 
established  on  the  upper  waters  of  the  Hudson,  precisely 
on  the  site  of  the  present  venerable  city  of  Albany ; 
which  was  at  that  time  considered  at  the  very  end  of  the 
habitable  world.  It  was,  indeed,  a  remote  possession, 
with  which,  for  a  long  time,  New  Amsterdam  held  but 
little  intercourse.  Now  and  then  the  "  Company's  Yacht," 
as  it  was  called,  was  sent  to  the  fort  with  supplies,  and  to 
bring  aAvay  the  peltries  which  had  been  purchased  of  the 
Indians.  It  was  like  an  expedition  to  the  Indias,  or  the 
North  Pole,  and  always  made  great  talk  in  the  settle- 
ment. Sometimes  an  adventurous  burgher  would  ac- 
company the  expedition,  to  the  great  uneasiness  of  his 
friends  ;  but,  on  his  return,  had  so  many  stories  to  tell 
of  storms  and  tempests  on  the  Tappan  Zee,  of  hobgob- 
lins in  the  Highlands  and  at  the  Devil's  Dans  Kammer, 
and  of  all  the  other  wonders  and  perils  with  which  the 

195 


196  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

% 

river  abounded  in  tlioso  early  days,  that  lie  deterred  the 
less  adventurous  inhabitants  from  following  his  example. 

Matters  were  in  this  state,  Avhen,  one  day,  as  Walter 
the  Doubter  and  his  burgermeesters  were  smoking  and 
pondering  over  the  affairs  of  the  province,  they  were 
roused  by  the  report  of  a  cannon.  Sallying  forth,  they 
beheld  a  strange  vessel  at  anchor  in  the  bay.  It  was  un- 
questionably of  Dutch  build,  broad-bottomed  and  high- 
pooped,  and  bore  the  flag  of  their  High  Mightinesses  at 
the  mast-head. 

After  a  while,  a  boat  put  off  for  land,  and  a  stranger 
stepped  on  shore, — a  lofty,  lordly  kind  of  man,  tall,  and 
dry,  with  a  meagre  face,  furnished  with  huge  moustaches. 
He  was  clad  in  Flemish  doublet  and  hose,  and  an  insuf- 
ferably tall  hat,  with  a  cocktail  feather.  Such  was  the 
patroon  Killian  Van  Rensellaer,  who  had  come  out  from 
Holland  to  found  a  colony  or  patroonship  on  a  great 
tract  of  wild  land,  granted  to  him  by  their  High  Mighti- 
nesses the  Lords  States  General,  in  the  upper  regions 
of  the  Hudson. 

Killian  Van  Rensellaer  was  a  nine  days'  wonder  in 
New  Amsterdam  ;  for  he  carried  a  high  head,  looked 
down  upon  the  portly,  short-legged  burgomasters,  and 
owned  no  allegiance  to  the  governor  himself ;  boasting 
that  he  held  his  patroonship  directly  from  the  Lords 
States  General. 

He  tarried  but  a  short  time  in  New  Amsterdam,  merely 
to  beat  up  recruits  for  his  colony.  Few,  however,  ven- 


KILLIAN  VAN  REN8ELLAER.  197 

tured  to  enlist  for  those  remote  and  savage  regions  ;  and 
when  they  embarked,  their  friends  took  leave  of  them  as 
if  they  should  never  see  them  more,  and  stood  gazing 
with  tearful  eye  as  the  stout,  round-sterned  little  vessel 
ploughed  and  splashed  its  way  up  the  Hudson,  with 
great  noise  and  little  progress,  taking  nearly  a  day  to  get 
out  of  sight  of  the  city. 

And  now,  from  time  to  time,  floated  down  tidings  to 
the  Manhattoes  of  tho  growing  importance  of  this  new 
colony.  Every  account  represented  Killian  Van  Rensel- 
laer  as  rising  in  importance  and  becoming  a  mighty  pa- 
troon  in  the  land.  He  had  received  more  recruits  from 
Holland.  His  patroonship  of  Kensellaerwick  lay  imme- 
diately below  Fort  Aurania,  and  extended  for  several 
miles  on  each  side  of  the  Hudson,  beside  embracing  tho 
mountainous  region  of  the  Helderberg.  Over  all  this  he 
claimed  to  hold  separate  jurisdiction,  independent  of  tho 
colonial  authorities  of  New  Amsterdam. 

All  these  assumptions  of  authority  were  duly  reported 
to  Governor  Van  Twiller  and  his  council,  by  dispatches 
from  Fort  Aurania  ;  at  each  new  report  the  governor  and 
his  counsellors  looked  at  each  other,  raised  their  eye- 
brows, gave  an  extra  puff  or  two  of  smoke,  and  then  re- 
lapsed into  their  usual  tranquillity. 

At  length  tidings  came  that  the  patroon  of  Eensellaer- 
wick  had  extended  his  usurpations  along  the  river,  be- 
yond the  limits  granted  him  by  their  High  Mightinesses ; 
and  that  he  had  even  seized  upon  a  rocky  island  in  the 


198  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

Hudson,  commonly  known  by  the  name  of  Beam  or  Bear's 
Island,  where  he  was  erecting  a  fortress,  to  be  called  by 
the  lordly  name  of  Eensellaerstein. 

Wouter  Van  Twiller  was  roused  by  this  intelligence. 
After  consulting  with  his  burgomasters,  he  dispatched  a 
letter  to  the  patroon  of  Kensellaerwick,  demanding  by 
what  right  he  had  seized  upon  this  island,  which  lay 
beyond  the  bounds  of  his  patroonship.  The  answer  of 
Killian  Yan  Rensellaer  was  in  his  own  lordly  style,  "  By 
ivapen  recJit !  " — that  is  to  say,  by  the  right  of  arms,  or,  in 
common  parlance,  by  club-law.  This  answer  plunged  the 
worthy  "Wouter  in  one  of  the  deepest  doubts  he  had  in 
the  whole  course  of  his  administration ;  in  the  mean  time, 
while  Wouter  doubted,  the  lordly  Killian  went  on  to 
finish  his  fortress  of  Kensellaerstein,  about  which  I  fore- 
see I  shall  have  something  to  record  in  a  future  chapter 
of  this  most  eventful  history. 


CHAPTEE  VI. 

IN  WHICH   THE   READER   IS   BEGUILED   INTO   A   DELECTABLE   WALK,    WHICH 
ENDS  VERY   DIFFERENTLY    FROM   WHAT   IT   COMMENCED. 

the  year  of  our  Lord  one  thousand  eight  hun- 
dred and  four,  on  a  fine  afternoon  in  the  glow- 
ing month  of  September,  I  took  my  customary 
walk  upon  the  Battery,  which  is  at  once  the  pride  and  bul- 
wark of  this  ancient  and  impregnable  city  of  New  York. 
The  ground  on  which  I  trod  was  hallowed  by  recollec- 
tions of  the  past ;  and  as  I  slowly  wandered  through  the 
long  alley  of  poplars,  which,  like  so  many  birch  brooms 
standing  on  end,  diffused  a  melancholy  and  lugubrious 
shade,  my  imagination  drew  a  contrast  between  the  sur- 
rounding scenery  and  what  it  was  in  the  classic  days  of 
our  forefathers.  Where  the  government  house  by  name, 
but  the  custom-house  by  occupation,  proudly  reared  its 
brick  walls  and  wooden  pillars,  there  whilom  stood  the 
low,  but  substantial,  red-tiled  mansion  of  the  renowned 
Wouter  Van  Twiller.  Around  it  the  mighty  bulwarks  of 
Fort  Amsterdam  frowned  defiance  to  every  absent  foe  ; 
but,  like  many  a  whiskered  warrior  and  gallant  militia 
captain,  confined  their  martial  deeds  to  frowns  alone. 
The  mud  breastworks  had  long  been  levelled  with  the 

199 


200  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

earth,  and  tlieir  site  converted  into  the  green  lawns  and 
leafy  alleys  of  the  Battery;  where  the  gay  apprentice 
sported  his  Sunday  coat,  and  the  laborious  mechanic,  re- 
lieved from  the  dirt  and  drudgery  of  the  week,  poured  his 
weekly  tale  of  love  into  the  half-averted  ear  of  the  senti- 
mental chambermaid.  The  capacious  bay  still  presented 
tho  same  expansive  sheet  of  water,  studded  with  islands, 
sprinkled  with  fishing-boats,  and  bounded  by  shores  of 
picturesque  beauty.  But  the  dark  forests  which  once 
clothed  those  shores  had  been  violated  by  the  savage 
hand  of  cultivation,  and  their  tangled  mazes,  and  impene- 
trable thickets,  had  degenerated  into  teeming  orchards 
and  waving  fields  of  grain.  Even  Governor's  Island,  once 
a  smiling  garden,  appertaining  to  the  sovereigns  of  the 
province,  was  now  covered  with  fortifications,  inclosing 
a  tremendous  block-house, — so  that  this  once  peaceful 
island  resembled  a  fierce  little  warrior  in  a  big  cocked 
hat,  breathing  gunpowder  and  defiance  to  the  world ! 

For  some  time  did  I  indulge  in  a  pensive  train  of 
thought ;  contrasting,  in  sober  sadness,  the  present  day 
with  the  hallowed  years  behind  the  mountains ;  lament- 
ing the  melancholy  progress  of  improvement,  and  prais- 
ing the  zeal  with  which  our  worthy  burghers  endeavored 
to  preserve  the  wrecks  of  venerable  customs,  prejudices, 
and  errors  from  the  overwhelming  tide  of  modern  innova- 
tion,— when,  by  degrees,  my  ideas  took  a  different  turn, 
and  I  insensibly  awakened  to  an  enjoyment  of  the  beau- 
tics  around  me. 


AN  A  UTITMN   VIEW  OF  TEE  EA  T.  201 

It  was  one  of  those  rich  autumnal  days  which  heaven 
particularly  bestows  upon  the  beauteous  island  of  Manna- 
hata  and  its  vicinity, — not  a  floating  cloud  obscured  the 
azure  firmament, — the  sun,  rolling  in  glorious  splendor 
through  his  ethereal  course,  seemed  to  expand  his  honest 
Dutch  countenance  into  an  unusual  expression  of  benev- 
olence, as  he  smiled  his  evening  salutation  upon  a  city 
which  he  delights  to  visit  with  his  most  bounteous  beams, 
— the  very  winds  seemed  to  hold  in  their  breaths  in  mute 
attention,  lest  they  should  ruffle  the  tranquillity  of  the 
hour, — and  the  waveless  bosom  of  the  bay  presented  a  pol- 
ished mirror,  in.  which  nature  beheld  herself  and  smiled. 
The  standard  of  our  city,  reserved,  like  a  choice  handker- 
chief, for  days  of  gala,  hung  motionless  on  the  flag-staff, 
which  forms  the  handle  of  a  gigantic  churn  ;  and  even  the 
tremulous  leaves  of  the  poplar  and  the  aspen  ceased  to  vi- 
brate to  the  breath  of  heaven.  Everything  seemed  to  ac- 
quiesce in  the  profound  repose  of  nature.  The  formidablo 
cighteen-pounders  slept  in  the  embrazures  of  the  wooden 
batteries,  seemingly  gathering  fresh  strength  to  fight  the 
battles  of  their  country  on  the  next  fourth  of  July ;  tho 
solitary  drum  on  Governor's  Island  forgot  to  call  the  gar- 
rison to  their  shovels;  the  evening  gun  had  not  yet  sound- 
ed its  signal  for  all  the  regular  well-meaning  poultry 
throughout  the  country  to  go  to  roost ;  and  the  fleet  of 
canoes,  at  anchor  between  Gibbet  Island  and  Communi- 
paw,  slumbered  on  their  rakes,  and  suffered  the  innocent 
oysters  to  lie  for  a  while  unmolested  in  the  soft  mud  of 


202  HISTOMY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

their  native  banks !  My  own  feelings  sympathized  with 
the  contagious  tranquillity,  and  I  should  infallibly  have 
dozed  upon  one  of  those  fragments  of  benches,  which  our 
benevolent  magistrates  have  provided  for  the  benefit  of 
convalescent  loungers,  had  not  the  extraordinary  incon- 
venience of  the  couch  set  all  repose  at  defiance. 

In  the  midst  of  this  slumber  of  the  soul,  my  attention 
was  attracted  to  a  black  speck,  peering  above  the  western 
horizon,  just  in  the  rear  of  Bergen  steeple :  gradually  it 
augments  and  overhangs  the  would-be  cities  of  Jersey, 
Harsimus,  and  Hoboken,  which,  like  three  jockeys,  are 
starting  on  the  course  of  existence,  and  jostling  each 
other  at  the  commencement  of  the  race.  Now  it  skirts 
the  long  shore  of  ancient  Pavonia,  spreading  its  wide 
shadows  from  the  high  settlements  of  "Weehawk  quito 
to  the  lazaretto  and  quarantine  erected  by  the  sagacity 
of  our  police,  for  the  embarrassment  of  commerce  ;  now 
it  climbs  the  serene  vault  of  heaven,  cloud  rolling  over 
cloud,  shrouding  the  orb  of  day,  darkening  the  vast  ex- 
panse, and  bearing  thunder  and  hail  and  tempest  in  its 
bosom.  The  earth  seems  agitated  at  the  confusion  of  the 
heavens ;  the  late  waveless  mirror  is  lashed  into  furious 
waves  that  roll  in  hollow  murmurs  to  the  shore ;  the 
oyster-boats  that  erst  sported  in  the  placid  vicinity  of 
Gibbet  Island,  now  hurry  affrighted  to  the  land  ;  the  pop- 
lar writhes  and  twists  and  whistles  in  the  blast ;  torrents 
of  drenching  rain  and  sounding  hail  deluge  the  Battery- 
walks  ;  the  gates  are  thronged  by  apprentices,  servant- 


9dfin  A,  Hartness, 


WHY  THE  STORM  CAME.  203 

maids,  and  little  Frenchmen,  with  pocket-handkerchiefs 
over  their  hats,  scampering  from  the  storm;  the  late 
beauteous  prospect  presents  one  scene  of  anarchy  and 
wild  uproar,  as  though  old  Chaos  had  resumed  his  reign, 
and  was  hurling  back  into  one  vast  turmoil  the  conflicting 
elements  of  nature. 

Whether  I  fled  from  the  fury  of  the  storm,  or  remained 
boldly  at  my  post,  as  our  gallant  train-band  captains  who 
march  their  soldiers  through  the  rain  without  flinching, 
are  points  which  I  leave  to  the  conjecture  of  the  reader. 
It  is  possible  he  may  be  a  little  perplexed  also  to  know 
the  reason  why  I  introduced  this  tremendous  tempest  to 
disturb  the  serenity  of  my  work.  On  this  latter  point  I 
will  gratuitously  instruct  his  ignorance.  The  panorama 
view  of  the  Battery  was  given  merely  to  gratify  the 
readei  with  a  correct  description  of  that  celebrated  place 
and  the  parts  adjacent;  secondly,  the  storm  was  played 
off,  partly  to  give  a  little  bustle  and  life  to  this  tranquil 
part  of  my  work,  and  to  keep  my  drowsy  readers  from 
falling  asleep,  and  partly  to  serve  as  an  overture  to  the 
tempestuous  times  which  are  about  to  assail  the  pacific 
province  of  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  and  which  overhang  the 
slumbrous  administration  of  the  renowned  Wouter  Van 
Twiller.  It  is  thus  the  experienced  playwright  puts  all 
the  fiddles,  the  French-horns,  the  kettle-drums,  and 
trumpets  of  his  orchestra  in  requisition,  to  usher  in  one 
of  those  horrible  and  brimstone  uproars  called  Melo- 
drames, — and  it  is  thus  he  discharges  his  thunder,  his 


204;  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

lightning,  his  rosin,  and  saltpetre,  preparatory  to  the  ris- 
ing of  a  ghost  or  the  murdering  of  a  hero.  We  will  now 
proceed  with  our  history. 

Whatever  may  be  advanced  by  philosophers  to  the  con- 
trary, I  am  of  opinion,  that,  as  to  nations,  the  old  maxim, 
that  "  honesty  is  the  best  policy,"  is  a  sheer  and  ruinous 
mistake.  It  might  have  answered  well  enough  in  the 
honest  times  when  it  was  made ;  but  in  these  degenerate 
days,  if  a  nation  pretends  to  rely  merely  upon  the  justice 
of  its  dealings,  it  will  fare  something  like  the  honest  man 
who  fell  among  thieves,  and  found  his  honesty  a  poor 
protection  against  bad  company.  Such,  at  least,  was  the 
case  with  the  guileless  government  of  the  New  Nether- 
lands ;  which,  like  a  worthy  unsuspicious  old  burgher, 
quietly  settled  itself  down  in  the  city  of  New  Amster- 
dam, as  into  a  snug  elbow-chair,  and  fell  into  a  comfort- 
able nap,  while,  in  the  mean  time,  its  cunning  neighbors 
stepped  in  and  picked  its  pockets.  In  a  word,  we  may 
ascribe  the  commencement  of  all  the  woes  of  this  great 
province,  and  its  magnificent  metropolis,  to  the  tranquil 
security,  or,  to  speak  more  accurately,  to  the  unfortunate 
honesty  of  its  government.  But  as  I  dislike  to  begin  an 
important  part  of  my  history  towards  the  end  of  a  chap- 
ter, and  as  my  readers,  like  myself,  must  doubtless  be 
exceedingly  fatigued  with  the  long  walk  we  have  taken, 
and  the  tempest  we  have  sustained,  I  hold  it  meet  we 
shut  up  the  book,  smoke  a  pipe,  and,  having  thus  re- 
freshed our  spirits,  take  a  fair  start  in  a  new  chapter. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

FAITHFULLY  DESCRIBING  THE  INGENIOUS  PEOPLE  OF  CONNECTICUT  AND 
THEREABOUTS — SHOWING,  MOREOVER,  THE  TRUE  MEANING  OF  LIBERTY  OF 
CONSCIENCE,  AND  A  CURIOUS  DEVICE  AMONG  THESE  STURDY  BARBARIANS 
TO  KEEP  UP  A  HARMONY  OF  INTERCOURSE,  AND  PROMOTE  POPULATION. 

|HAT  my  readers  may  the  more  fully  compre- 
hend the  extent  of  the  calamity,  at  this  very 
moment  impending  over  the  honest,  unsuspect- 
ing province  of  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  and  its  dubious 
governor,  it  is  necessary  that  I  should  give  some  account 
of  a  horde  of  strange  barbarians,  bordering  upon  the 
eastern  frontier. 

Now  so  it  came  to  pass,  that,  many  years  previous  to 
the  time  of  which  we  are  treating,  the  sage  cabinet  of 
England  had  adopted  a  certain  national  creed,  a  kind  of 
public  walk  of  faith,  or  rather  a  religious  turnpike,  in 
which  every  loyal  subject  was  directed  to  travel  to  Zion, 
— taking  care  to  pay  the  toll-gatherers  by  the  way. 

Albeit  a  certain  shrewd  race  of  men,  being  very  much 
given  to  indulge  their  own  opinions  on  all  manner  of 
subjects,  (a  propensity  exceedingly  offensive  to  your  free 
governments  of  Europe,)  did  most  presumptuously  dare 
to  think  for  themselves  in  matters  of  religion,  exercising 

205 


20G  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

what   they   considered   a  natural   and   unextinguishable 
right — the  liberty  of  conscience. 

As,  however,  they  possessed  that  ingenuous  habit  of 
mind  which  always  thinks  aloud,  which  rides  cock-a- 
hoop  on  the  tongue,  and  is  forever  galloping  into  other 
people's  ears,  it  naturally  followed  that  their  liberty  of 
conscience  likewise  implied  liberty  of  speech,  which  being 
freely  indulged,  soon  put  the  country  in  a  hubbub,  and 
aroused  the  pious  indignation  of  the  vigilant  fathers  of 
the  church. 

The  usual  methods  were  adopted  to  reclaim  them, 
which  in  those  days  were  considered  efficacious  in  bring- 
ing back  stray  sheep  to  the  fold;  that  is  to  say,  they 
were  coaxed,  they  were  admonished,  they  were  men- 
aced, they  were  buffeted, — line  upon  line,  precept  upon 
precept,  lash  upon  lash,  here  a  little  and  there  a  great 
deal,  were  exhorted  without  mercy  and  without  suc- 
cess,— until  the  worthy  pastors  of  the  church,  wearied 
out  by  their  unparalleled  stubbornness,  were  driven,  in 
the  excess  of  their  tender  mercy,  to  adopt  the  Scrip- 
ture text,  and  literally  to  "  heap  live  embers  on  their 
heads." 

'  Nothing,  however,  could  subdue  that  independence  of 
the  tongue  which  has  ever  distinguished  this  singular 
race,  so  that,  rather  than  subject  that  heroic  member  to 
further  tyranny,  they  one  and  all  embarked  for  the  wil- 
derness of  America,  to  enjoy,  unmolested,  the  inestimable 
right  of  talking.  And,  in  fact,  no  sooner  did  they  land 


THE  YANKEES.  207 

upon  the  shore  of  this  free-spoken  country,  than  they  all 
lifted  up  their  voices,  and  made  such  a  clamor  of  tongues, 
that  we  are  told  they  frightened  every  bird  and  beast  out 
of  the  neighborhood,  and  struck  such  mute  terror  into 
certain  fish,  that  they  have  been  called  dumb-fish  ever 
since. 

This  may  appear  marvellous,  but  it  is  nevertheless 
true  ;  in  proof  of  which  I  would  observe,  that  the  dumb- 
fish  has  ever  since  become  an  object  of  superstitious  rev- 
erence, and  forms  the  Saturday's  dinner  of  every  true 
Yankee. 

The  simple  aborigines  of  the  land  for  a  while  contem- 
plated these  strange  folk  in  utter  astonishment ;  but  dis- 
covering that  they  wielded  harmless  though  noisy  weap- 
ons, and  were  a  lively,  ingenious,  good-humored  race  of 
men,  they  became  very  friendly  and  sociable,  and  gave 
them  the  name  of  Yanokies,-  which  in  the  Mais-Tchu- 
saeg  (or  Massachusett)  language  signifies  silent  men, — a 
waggish  appellation,  since  shortened  into  the  familiar 
epithet  of  YANKEES,  which  they  retain  unto  the  present 
day. 

True  it  is,  and  my  fidelity  as  an  historian  will  not  al- 
low me  to  pass  over  the  fact,  that,  having  served  a  regu- 
lar apprenticeship  in  the  school  of  persecution,  these 
ingenious  people  soon  showed  that  they  had  become  mas- 
ters of  the  art.  The  great  majority  were  of  one  particu- 
lar mode  of  thinking  in  matters  of  religion  ;  but,  to  their 
great  surprise  and  indignation,  they  found  that  divers 


•208  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

papists,  quakers,  and  anabaptists  were  springing  up 
among  them,  and  all  claiming  to  use  the  liberty  of 
speech.  This  was  at  once  pronounced  a  daring  abuse  of 
the  liberty  of  conscience,  which  they  now  insisted  was 
nothing  more  than  the  liberty  to  think  as  one  pleased  in 
matters  of  religion — provided  one  thought  right;  for 
otherwise  it  would  be  giving  a  latitude  to  damnable  here- 
sies. Now  as  they,  the  majority,  were  convinced  that  they 
alone  thought  right,  it  consequently  followed,  that  who- 
ever thought  different  from  them  thought  wrong, — and 
whoever  thought  wrong,  and  obstinately  persisted  in  not 
being  convinced  and  converted,  was  a  flagrant  violator 
of  the  inestimable  liberty  of  conscience,  and  a  corrupt 
and  infectious  member  of  the  body  politic,  and  deserved 
to  be  lopped  off  and  cast  into  the  fire.  The  consequence 
of  all  which  was  a  fiery  persecution  of  divers  sects,  and 
especially  of  quakers. 

Now  I'll  warrant  there  are  hosts  of  my  readers,  ready 
at  once  to  lift  up  their  hands  and  eyes,  with  that  virtuous 
indignation  with  which  we  contemplate  the  faults  and  er- 
rors of  our  neighbors,  and  to  exclaim  at  the  preposterous 
idea  of  convincing  the  mind  by  tormenting  the  body,  and 
establishing  the  doctrine  of  charity  and  forbearance  by 
intolerant  persecution.  But  in  simple  truth  what  are  we 
doing  at  this  very  day,  and  in  this  very  enlightened  na- 
tion, but  acting  upon  the  very  same  principle  in  our 
political  controversies  ?  Have  we  not  within  but  a  few 
years  released  ourselves  from  the  shackles  of  a  govern- 


FREEDOM  OF  THOUGHT.  209 

ment  which  cruelly  denied  us  the  privilege  of  governing 
ourselves,  and  using  in  full  latitude  that  invaluable  mem- 
ber, the  tongue  ?  and  are  we  not  at  this  very  moment 
striving  our  best  to  tyrannize  over  the  opinions,  tie  up 
the  tongues,  and  ruin  the  fortunes  of  one  another? 
What  are  our  great  political  societies,  but  mere  political 
inquisitions, — our  pot-house  committees,  but  little  tribu- 
nals of  denunciation, — our  newspapers,  but  mere  whip- 
ping-posts and  pillories,  where  unfortunate  individuals 
are  pelted  with  rotten  eggs, — and  our  council  of  appoint- 
ment, but  a  grand  auto  da  fe  where  culprits  are  annually 
sacrificed  for  their  political  heresies  ? 

Where,  then,  is  the  difference  in  principle  between  our 
measures  and  those  you  are  so  ready  to  condemn  among 
the  people  I  am  treating  of?  There  is  none ;  the  differ- 
ence is  merely  circumstantial.  Thus  we  denounce,  in- 
stead of  banishing, — we  libel,  instead  of  scourging, — we 
turn  out  of  office,  instead  of  hanging, — and  where  they 
burnt  an  offender  in  proper  person,  we  either  tar  and 
feather,  or  burn  him  in  effigy, — this  political  persecution 
being,  somehow  or  other,  the  grand  palladium  of  our 
liberties,  and  an  incontrovertible  proof  that  this  is  a  free 
country  ! 

But  notwithstanding  the  fervent  zeal  with  which  this 
holy  war  was  prosecuted  against  the  whole  race  of  unbe- 
lievers, we  do  not  find  that  the  population  of  this  new 
colony  was  in  any  wise  hindered  thereby;  on  the  con- 
trary, they  multiplied  to  a  degree  which  would  be  incred- 
14 


210 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 


ible  to  any  man  unacquainted  with  the  marvellous  fecun- 
dity of  this  growing  country. 

This  amazing  increase  may,  indeed,  be  partly  ascribed 
to  a  singular  custom  prevalent  among  them,  commonly 
known  by  the  name  of  bundling, — a  superstitious  rite  ob- 
served by  the  young  people  of  both  sexes,  with  which 
they  usually  terminated  their  festivities,  and  which  was 
kept  up  with  religious  strictness  by  the  more  bigoted 
part  of  the  community.  This  ceremony  was  likewise,  in 
those  primitive  times,  considered  as  an  indispensable 
preliminary  to  matrimony,  their  courtships  commencing 
where  ours  usually  finish,  —  by  which  means  they  ac- 
quired that  intimate  acquaintance  with  each  other's  good 
qualities  before  marriage,  which  has  been  pronounced 
by  philosophers  the  sure  basis  of  a  happy  union.  Thus 
early  did  this  cunning  and  ingenious  people  display  a 
shrewdness  of  making  a  bargain,  which  has  ever  since 
distinguished  them,— and  a  strict  adherence  to  the  good 
old  vulgar  maxim  about  "  buying  a  pig  in  a  poke." 

To  this  sagacious  custom,  therefore,  do  I  chiefly  attri- 
bute the  unparalleled  increase  of  the  Yanokie  or  Yankee 
race ;  for  it  is  a  certain  fact,  well  authenticated  by  court 
records  and  parish  registers,  that,  wherever  the  prac- 
tice of  bundling  prevailed,  there  was  an  amazing  number 
of  sturdy  brats  annually  born  unto  the  State,  without  the 
license  of  the  law,  or  the  benefit  of  clergy.  Neither  did 
the  irregularity  of  their  birth  operate  in  the  least  to  their 
disparagement.  On  the  contrary,  they  grew  up  a  long- 


THE   YANKEES.  211 

sided,  raw-boned,  hardy  race  of  whoreson  whalers,  wood- 
cutters, fishermen,  and  peddlers,  and  strapping  corn-fed 
wenches, — who  by  their  united  efforts  tended  marvel- 
lously towards  peopling  those  notable  tracts  of  country 
called  Nantucket,  Piscataway,  and  Cape  Cod. 


CHAPTER  YHI. 


HOW  THESE  SINGULAR  BARBARIANS  TURNED  OUT  TO  3E  NOTORIOUS  SQUAT- 
TEKS — HOW  THEY  BUILT  AIR-CASTLES,  AND  ATTEMPTED  TO  INITIATE  TUB 
NEDEKLANDEE3  INTO  THE  MYSTERY  OF  BUNDLING. 


^  the  last  chapter  I  have  given  a  faithful  and 
unprejudiced  account  of  the  origin  of  that  sin- 
gular race  of  people  inhabiting  the  country 


eastward  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlandts ;  but  I  have  yet  to 
mention  certain  peculiar  habits  which  rendered  them  ex- 
ceedingly annoying  to  our  ever-honored  Dutch  ancestors. 

The  most  prominent  of  these  was  a  certain  rambling 
propensity,  with  ^  which,  like  the  sons  of  Ishmael,  they 
seem  to  havo  been  gifted  by  heaven,  and  which  continu- 
ally goads  them  on  to  shift  their  residence  from  place  to 
place,  so  that  a  Tankeo  farmer  is  in  a  constant  state  of 
migration,  tarrying  occasionally  here  and  there,  clearing 
lands  for  other  people  to  enjoy,  building  houses  for  oth- 
ers to  inhabit,  and  in  a  manner  mav  be  considered  the 
wandering  Arab  of  America. 

His  first  thought,  on  coming  to  years  of  manhood,  is  to 
settle  himself  in  the  world, — which  means  nothing  more 
nor  less  than  to  begin  his  rambles.  To  this  end  he  takes 
unto  himself  for  a,  wife  some  buxom  country  heiress,  pass- 

212 


WAYS  OF  THE   YANKEES.  213 

ing  rich  in  red  ribbons,  glass  beads,  and  mock  tortoise- 
shell  combs,  with  a  white  gown  and  morocco  shoes  for 
Sunday,  and  deeply  skilled  in  the  mystery  of  making 
apple-sweetmeats,  long  sauce,  and  pumpkin-pie. 

Having  thus  provided  himself,  like  a  peddler  with  & 
heavy  knapsack,  wherewith  to  regale  his  shoulders 
through  the  journey  of  life,  he  literally  sets  out  on  the 
peregrination.  His  whole  family,  household-furniture, 
and  farming-utensils  are  hoisted  into  a  covered  cart,  his 
own  and  his  wife's  wardrobe  packed  up  in  a  firkin, — 
which  done,  he  shoulders  his  axe,  takes  staff  in  hand, 
whistles  "  Yankee  doodle,"  and  trudges  off  to  the  woods, 
as  confident  of  the  protection  of  Providence,  and  relying 
as  cheerfully  upon  his  own  resources,  as  ever  did  a 
patriarch  of  yore  when  he  journeyed  into  a  strange  coun- 
try of  the  Gentiles.  Having  buried  himself  in  the  wil- 
derness, he  builds  himself  a  log  hut,  clears  away  a  corn- 
field and  potato-patch,  and,  Providence  smiling  upon  his 
labors,  is  soon  surrounded  by  a  snug  farm  and  some  half 
ft  score  of  flaxen-headed  urchins,  who,  by  their  size,  seem 
to  have  sprung  all  at  once  out  of  the  earth,  like  a  crop  of 
toadstools. 

But  it  is  not  the  nature  of  this  most  indefatigable  of 
speculators  to  rest  contented  with  any  state  of  sublunary 
enjoyment :  improvement  is  his  darling  passion ;  and  hav- 
ing thus  improved  his  lands,  the  next  care  is  to  provide 
a  mansion  worthy  the  residence  of  a  landholder.  A  huge 
palace  of  pine  boards  immediately  springs  up  in  the 


BISTORT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

midst  of  the  wilderness,  large  enough  for  a  parish  church, 
and  furnished  with  windows  of  all  dimensions,  but  so 
rickety  and  flimsy  withal,  that  every  blast  gives  it  a  fit  of 
the  ague. 

By  the  time  the  outside  of  this  mighty  air-castle  is 
completed,  either  the  funds  or  the  zeal  of  our  adventurer 
is  exhausted,  so  that  he  barely  manages  to  furnish  one 
room  within,  where  the  whole  family  burrow  together, — 
while  the  rest  of  the  house  is  devoted  to  the  curing  of 
pumpkins,  or  storing  of  carrots  and  potatoes,  and  is  dec- 
orated with  fanciful  festoons  of  dried  apples  and  peaches. 
The  outside,  remaining  unpainted,  grows  venerably  black 
with  time ;  the  family  wardrobe  is  laid  under  contribu- 
tion for  old  hats,  petticoats,  and  breeches,  to  stuff  into 
the  broken  windows,  while  the  four  winds  of  heaven  keep 
up  a  whistling  and  howling  about  this  aerial  palace,  and 
play  as  many  unruly  gambols  as  they  did  of  yore  in  the 
cave  of  old  JEolus. 

The  humble  log  hut,  which  whilom  nestled  this  improv- 
ing family  snugly  within  its  narrow  but  comfortable  walls, 
stands  hard  by,  in  ignominious  contrast,  degraded  into  a 
cow-house  or  pig-sty  ;  and  the  whole  scene  reminds  one 
forcibly  of  a  fable,  which  I  am  surprised  has  never  been 
recorded,  of  an  aspiring  snail,  who  abandoned  his  humble 
habitation,  which  he  had  long  filled  with  great  respect- 
ability, to  crawl  into  the  empty  shell  of  a  lobster, — where 
he  would  no  doubt  have  resided  with  great  style  and 
splendor,  the  envy  and  the  hate  of  all  the  painstaking 


YANKEE  MANNERS.  215 

snails  in  the  neighborhood,  had  he  not  perished  with 
cold  in  one  corner  of  his  stupendous  mansion. 

Being  thus  completely  settled,  'and,  to  use  his  own 
words,  "to  rights,"  one  would  imagine  that  he  would 
begin  to  enjoy  the  comforts  of  his  situation, — to  read 
newspapers,  talk  politics,  neglect  his  own  business,  and 
attend  to  the  affairs  of  the  nation,  like  a  useful  and  patri- 
otic citizeji ;  but  now  it  is  that  his  wayward  disposition 
begins  again  to  operate.  He  soon  grows  tired  of  a  spot 
where  there  is  no  longer  any  room  for  improvement, — 
sells  his  farm,  air-castle,  petticoat  windows  and  all,  re- 
loads his  cart,  shoulders  his  axe,  puts  himself  at  the  head 
of  his  family,  and  wanders  away  in  search  of  new  lands, 
— again  to  fell  trees, — again  to  clear  cornfields, — again  to 
build  a  shingle  palace,  and  again  to  sell  off  and  wander. 
Such  were  the  people  of  Connecticut,  who  bordered  upon 
the  eastern  frontier  of  New  Netherlands ;  and  my  readers 
may  easily  imagine  what  uncomfortable  neighbors  this 
light-hearted  but  restless  tribe  must  have  been  to  our 
tranquil  progenitors.  If  they  cannot,  I  would  ask  them 
if  they  have  ever  known  one  of  our  regular,  well-organ- 
ized Dutch  families,  whom  it  hath  pleased  heaven  to  af- 
flict with  the  neighborhood  of  a  French  boarding-house  ? 
The  honest  old  burgher  cannot  take  his  afternoon's  pipe 
on  the  bench  before  his  door,  but  he  is  persecuted  with 
the  scraping  of  fiddles,  the  chattering  of  women,  and  the 
squalling  of  children ;  he  cannot  sleep  at  night  for  the 
horrible  melodies  of  some  amateur,  who  chooses  to  sere- 


216  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YCRK. 

nade  the  moon,  and  display  his  terrible  proficiency  in 
execution,  on  the  clarionet,  hautboy,  or  some  other  soft- 
toned  instrument ;  nor  can  he  leave  the  street-door  open, 
but  his  house  is  defiled  by  the  unsavory  visits  of  a  troop 
of  pup-dogs,  who  even  sometimes  carry  their  loathsome 
ravages  into  the  sanctum  sanctorum,  the  parlor ! 

If  my  readers  have  ever  witnessed  the  sufferings  of  such 
a  family,  so  situated,  they  may  form  some  idea  frow  our 
worthy  ancestors  were  distressed  by  their  mercurial 
neighbors  of  Connecticut. 

Gangs  of  these  marauders,  we  are  told,  penetrated  into 
the  New  Netherland  settlements,  and  threw  whole  vil- 
lages into  consternation  by  their  unparalleled  volubility 
and  their  intolerable  inquisitiveness, — two  evil  habits 
hitherto  unknown  in  those  parts,  or  only  known  to  be 
abhorred  ;  for  our  ancestors  were  noted  as  being  men  of 
truly  Spartan  taciturnity,  and  who  neither  knew  nor 
cared  aught  about  anybody's  concerns  but  their  own. 
Many  enormities  were  committed  on  the  highways, 
where  several  unoffending  burghers  were  brought  to 
a  stand,  and  tortured  with  questions  and  guesses, — 
which  outrages  occasioned  as  much  vexation  and  heart- 
burning as  does  the  modern  right  of  search  on  the  high 
seas. 

Great  jealousy  did  they  likewise  stir  up,  by  their  inter- 
meddling and  successes  among  the  divine  sex ;  for,  being 
a  race  of  brisk,  likely,  pleasant-tongued  varlets,  they  soon 
seduced  the  light  affections  of  the  simple  damsels  from 


TEE   YANKEES,  217 

their  ponderous  Dutch  gallants.  Among  other  hideous 
customs,  they  attempted  to  introduce  among  them  that 
of  bundling,  which  the  Dutch  lasses  of  the  Nederlandts, 
Avith  that  eager  passion  for  novelty  and  foreign  fashions 
natural  to  their  sex,  seemed  very  well  inclined  to  follow, 
but  that  their  mothers,  being  more  experienced  in  the 
world,  and  better  acquainted  with  men  and  things, 
strenuously  discountenanced  all  such  outlandish  innova- 
tions. 

But  what  chiefly  operated  to  embroil  our  ancestors 
with  these  strange  folk,  was  an  unwarrantable  liberty 
which  they  occasionally  took  of  entering  in  hordes  into 
the  territories  of  the  New  Netherlands,  and  settling  them- 
selves down,  without  leave  or  license,  to  improve  the  land, 
in  the  manner  I  have  before  noticed.  This  unceremoni- 
ous mode  of  taking  possession  of  neiv  land  was  technically 
termed  squatting,  and  hence  is  derived  the  appellation  of 
squatters, — a  name  odious  in  the  ears  of  all  great  land- 
holders, and  which  is  given  to  those  enterprising  worthies 
who  seize  upon  land  first,  and  take  their  chance  to  make 
good  their  title  to  it  afterwards. 

All  these  grievances,  and  many  others  which  were  con- 
stantly accumulating,  tended  to  form  that  dark  and  por- 
tentous cloud,  which,  as  I  observed  in  a  former  chapter, 
was  slowly  gathering  over  the  tranquil  province  of  New 
Netherlands.  The  pacific  cabinet  of  Van  Twiller,  how- 
ever, as  will  be  perceived  in  the  sequel,  bore  them  all 
with  a  magnanimity  that  redounds  to  their  immortal 


218  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

credit,  becoming  by  passive  endurance  inured  to  this  in- 
creasing mass  of  wrongs, — like  that  mighty  man  of  old, 
who,  by  dint  of  carrying  about  a  calf  from  the  time  it  was 
born,  continued  to  carry  it  without  difficulty  when  it  had 
grown  to  be  an  ox. 


CHAPTEK  IX. 


HOW  THE  FORT  GOED  HOOP  WAS  FEAKFULLY  BELEAGUERED — HOW  THE  RE- 
NOWNED WOUTER  FELL  INTO  A  PROFOUND  DOUBT,  AND  HOW  HE  FINALLY 
EVAPORATED. 


Y  this  time  my  readers  must  fully  perceive  what 
an  arduous  task  I  have  undertaken, — exploring 
a  little  kind  of  Herculaneum  of  history,  which 


had  lain  nearly  for  ages  buried  under  the  rubbish  of 
years,  and  almost  totally  forgotten, — raking  up  the  limbs 
and  fragments  of  disjointed  facts,  and  endeavoring  to  put 
them  scrupulously  together,  so  as  to  restore  them  to 
their  original  form  and  connection, — now  lugging  forth 
the  character  of  an  almost  forgotten  hero,  like  a  muti- 
lated statue,  now  deciphering  a  half-defaced  inscription, 
and  now  lighting  upon  a  mouldering  manuscript,  which, 
after  painful  study,  scarce  repays  the  trouble  of  perusal. 

In  such  case,  how  much  has  the  reader  to  depend  upon 
the  honor  and  probity  of  his  author,  lest,  like  a  cunning 
antiquarian,  he  either  impose  upon  him  some  spurious 
fabrication  of  his  own  for  a  precious  relic  of  antiquity, 
or  else  dress  up  the  dismembered  fragment  with  such 
false  trappings,  that  it  is  scarcely  possible  to  distinguish 

219 


220  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

the  truth  from  the  fiction  with  which  it  is  enveloped. 
This  is  a  grievance  which  I  have  more  than  once  had  to 
lament,  in  the  course  of  my  wearisome  researches  among 
the  works  of  my  fellow-historians,  who  have  strangely 
disguised  and  distorted  the  facts  respecting  this  country ; 
and  particularly  respecting  the  great  province  of  New 
Netherlands  ;  as  will  be  perceived  by  any  who  will  take 
the  trouble  to  compare  their  romantic  effusions,  tricked 
out  in  the  meretricious  gauds  of  fable,  with  this  authen- 
tic history. 

I  have  had  more  vexations  of  the  kind  to  encounter,  in 
those  parts  of  my  history  which  treat  of  the  transactions 
on  the  eastern  border,  than  in  any  other,  in  consequence 
of  the  troops  of  historians  who  have  infested  these  quar- 
ters, and  have  shown  the  honest  people  of  Nieuw  Neder- 
landts  no  mercy  in  their  works.  Among  the  rest,  Mr. 
Benjamin  Trumbull  arrogantly  declares,  that  "  the  Dutch 
were  always  mere  intruders."  Now,  to  this  I  shall  make 
no  other  reply  than  to  proceed  in  the  steady  narration 
of  my  history,  which  will  contain  not  only  proofs  that  the 
Dutch  had  clear  title  and  possession  in  the  fair  valleys  of 
the  Connecticut,  and  that  they  were  wrongfully  dispos- 
sessed thereof,  but  likewise,  that  they  have  been  scanda- 
lously maltreated  ever  since  by  the  misrepresentations  of 
the  crafty  historians  of  New  England.  And  in  this  I 
shall  be  guided  by  a  spirit  of  truth  and  impartiality,  and 
a  regard  to  immortal  fame ;  for  I  would  not  wittingly  dis- 
honor my  work  by  a  single  falsehood,  misrepresentation, 


JACOBUS   VAN  CURLET.  221 

or  prejudice,  though  it  should  gain  our  forefathers  tlio 
whole  country  of  New  England. 

I  have  already  noticed,  in  a  former  chapter  of  my  his- 
tory, that  the  territories  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlandts  ex- 
tended on  the  east,  quite  to  the  Varsche  or  fresh,  or  Con- 
necticut river.  Here,  at  an  early  period,  had  been  estab- 
lished a  frontier  post  on  the  bank  of  the  river,  and  called 
Fort  Goed  Hoop,  not  far  from  the  site  of  the  present  fair 
city  of  Hartford.  It  was  placed  under  the  command  of 
Jacobus  Van  Curie t,  or  Curlis,  as  some  historians  will 
have  it, — a  doughty  soldier,  of  that  stomachful  class  fa- 
mous for  eating  all  they  kill.  He  was  long  in  the  body 
and  short  in  the  limb,  as  though  a  tall  man's  body  had 
been  mounted  on  a  little  man's  legs.  Ho  made  up  for 
this  turnspit  construction  by  striding  to  such  an  extent, 
that  you  would  have  sworn  he  had  on  the  seveii-leaguod 
boots  of  Jack  the  Giant-killer  ;  and  so  high  did  he  tread 
on  parade,  that  his  soldiers  were  sometimes  alarmed  lest 
he  should  trample  himself  under  foot. 

But  notwithstanding  the  erection  of  this  fort  and  the 
appointment  of  this  ugly  little  man  of  war  as  commander, 
the  Yankees  continued  tho  interlopings  hinted  at  in  my 
last  chapter,  and  at  length  had  the  audacity  to  squat  them- 
selves down  within  the  jurisdiction  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop. 

The  long-bodied  Van  Curlet  protested  with  great  spirit 
against  these  unwarrantable  encrpachments,  couching  his 
protest  in  Low  Dutch,  by  way  of  inspiring  more  terror, 
and  forthwith  dispatched  a  copy  of  the  protest  to  the 


222  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

governor  at  New  Amsterdam,  together  with  a  long  and 
bitter  account  of  the  aggressions  of  the  enemy.  This 
done,  he  ordered  his  men,  one  and  all,  to  be  of  good 
cheer,  shut  the  gate  of  the  fort,  smoked  three  pipes,  went 
to  bed,  and  awaited  the  result  with  a  resolute  and  in- 
trepid tranquillity,  that  greatly  animated  his  adherents, 
and  no  doubt  struck  sore  dismay  and  affright  into  the 
hearts  of  the  enemy. 

Now  it  came  to  pass,  that  about  this  time  the  renowned 
Wouter  Yau  Twiller,  full  of  years  and  honors,  and  coun- 
cil-dinners, had  reached  that  period  of  life  and  faculty 
which,  according  to  the  great  Gulliver,  entitles  a  man  to 
admission  into  the  ancient  order  of  Struldbruggs.  He 
employed  his  time  in  smoking  his  Turkish  pipe,  amid  an 
assemblage  of  sages,  equally  enlightened  and  nearly  as 
venerable  as  himself,  and  who,  for  their  silence,  their 
gravity,  their  wisdom,  and  their  cautious  averseness  to 
coming  to  any  conclusion  in  business,  are  only  to  be 
equalled  by  certain  profound  corporations  which  I  have 
known  in  my  time.  Upon  reading  the  protest  of  the 
gallant  Jacobus  Van  Curlet,  therefore,  his  excellency  fell 
straightway  into  one  of  the  deepest  doubts  that  ever  he 
was  known  to  enqounter;  his  capacious  head  gradually 
drooped  on  his  chest,  he  closed  his  eyes,  and  inclined 
his  ear  to  one  side,  as  if  listening  with  great  attention  to 
the  discussion  that  was  going  on  in  his  belly,— and 
which  all  who  knew  him  declared  to  be  the  huge  court- 
house or  council-chamber  of  his  thoughts,  forming  to  his 


FORT  GOED  HOOP  BESIEGED.  223 

head  what  the  house  of  representatives  does  to  the 
Senate.  An  inarticulate  sound,  very  much  resembling  a 
snore,  occasionally  escaped  him  ;  but  the  nature  of  this 
internal  cogitation  was  never  known,  as  he  never  opened 
his  lips  on  the  subject  to  man,  woman,  or  child.  In  the 
mean  time,  the  protest  of  Yan  Curlet  lay  quietly  on  the 
table,  where  it  served  to  light  the  pipes  of  the  venerable 
sages  assembled  in  council ;  and  in  the  great  smoke 
which  they  raised,  the  gallant  Jacobus,  his  protest,  and 
his  mighty  Fort  Goed  Hoop  were  soon  as  completely 
beclouded  and  forgotten  as  is  a  question  of  emergency 
swallowed  up  in  the  speeches  and  resolutions  of  a  mod- 
ern session  of  Congress. 

There  are  certain  emergencies  when  your  profound 
legislators  and  sage  deliberative  councils  are  mightily  in 
the  way  of  a  nation,  and  when  an  ounce  of  hare-brained 
decision  is  worth  a  pound  of  sage  doubt  and  cautious 
discussion.  Such,  at  least,  was  the  case  at  present ;  for, 
while  the  renowned  Wouter  Van  Twiller  was  daily  bat- 
tling with  his  doubts,  and  his  resolution  growing  weaker 
and  weaker  in  the  contest,  the  enemy  pushed  farther  and 
farther  into  his  territories,  and  assumed  a  most  formida- 
ble appearance  in  the  neighborhood  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop. 
Here  they  founded  the  mighty  town  of  Pyquag,  or,  as  it 
has  since  been  called,  Weather* ft  eld,  a  place  which,  if  we 
may  credit  the  assertions  of  that  worthy  historian,  John 
Josselyn,  Gent.,  "hath  been  infamous  by  reason  of  the 
witches  therein."  And  so  daring  did  these  men  of  Py- 


224  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORS. 

quag  become,  that  they  extended  those  plantations  cf 
onions,  for  which  their  town  is  illustrious,  under  the  very 
noses  of  the  garrison  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop,  insomuch  that 
the  honest  Dutchmen  could  not  look  toward  that  quarter 
without  tears  in  their  eyes. 

This  crying  injustice  was  regarded  with  proper  indig- 
nation by  the  gallant  Jacobus  Van  Curlet.  He  absolutely 
trembled  with  the  violence  of  his  choler  and  the  exacer- 
bations of  his  valor,  which  were  the  more  turbulent  in 
their  workings  from  the  length  of  the  body  in  which  they 
were  agitated.  He  forthwith  proceeded  to  strengthen  his 
redoubts,  heighten  his  breastworks,  deepen  his  fosse,  and 
fortify  his  position  with  a  double  row  of  abatis;  after 
which  he  dispatched  a  fresh  courier  with  accounts  of  his 
perilous  situation. 

The  courier  chosen  to  bear  the  dispatches  was  a  fat, 
oily,  little  man,  as  being  less  liable  to  bo  worn  out,  or  to 
lose  leather  on  the  journey ;  and  to  iiisur3  his  speed,  he 
was  mounted  on  the  fleetest  wagon-horse  in  the  garrison, 
remarkable  for  length  of  limb,  largeness  of  bone,  and 
hardness  of  trot,  and  so  tall,  that  the  little  messenger  was 
obliged  to  climb  on  his  back  by  means  of  his  tail  and 
crupper.  Such  extraordinary  speed  did  he  make,  that  he 
arrived  at  Fort  Amsterdam  in  a  little  less  than  a  month, 
though  the  distance  was  full  two  hundred  pipes,  or  about 
one  hundred  and  twenty  miles. 

"With  an  appearance  of  great  hurry  and  business,  and 
smoking  a  short  travelling-pipe,  he  proceeded  on  a  long 


ARRIVAL   OF  THE  DISPATCHES.  225 

swing-trot  through  the  muddy  lanes  of  the  metropolis5 
demolishing  whole  batches  of  dirt-pies,  which  the  little 
Dutch  children  were  making  in  the  road ;  and  for  which 
kind  of  pastry  the  children  of  this  city  have  ever  been 
famous.  On  arriving  at  the  governor's  house,  he  climbed 
down  from  his  steed,  roused  the  grey-headed  door-keeper, 
old  Skaats,  who,  like  his  lineal  descendant  and  faithful 
representative,  the  venerable  crier  of  our  court,  was  nod- 
ding at  his  post,  rattled  at  the  door  of  the  council-cham- 
ber, and  startled  the  members  as  they  were  dozing  over  a 
plan  for  establishing  a  public  market. 

At  that  very  moment  a  gentle  grunt,  or  rather  a  deep- 
drawn  snore,  was  heard  from  the  chair  of  the  governor ; 
a  whiff  of  smoke  was  at  the  same  instant  observed  to 
escape  from  his  lips,  and  a  light  cloud  to  ascend  from  the 
bowl  of  his  pipe.  The  council,  of  course,  supposed  him 
engaged  in  deep  sleep,  for  the  good  of  the  community, 
and  according  to  custom  in  all  such  cases  established, 
every  man  bawled  out  silence,  when,  of  a  sudden,  the 
door  flew  open,  and  the  little  courier  straddled  into  the 
apartment,  cased  to  the  middle  in  a  pair  of  Hessian  boots, 
which  he  had  got  into  for  the  sake  of  expedition.  In  his 
right  hand  he  held  forth  the  ominous  dispatches,  and 
with  his  left  he  grasped  firmly  the  waistband  of  his  galli- 
gaskins, which  had  unfortunately  given  way  in  the  exer- 
tion of  descending  from  his  horse.  He  stumped  reso- 
lutely up  to  the  governor,  and  with  more  hurry  than 
perspicuity  delivered  his  message.  But  fortunately  his  ill 


226  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

tidings  came  too  late  to  ruffle  the  tranquillity  of  this  most 
tranquil  of  rulers.  His  venerable  excellency  had  just 
breathed  and  smoked  his  last, — his  lungs  and  his  pipe 
having  been  exhausted  together,  and  his  peaceful  soul 
having  escaped  in  the  last  whiff  that  curled  from  his 
tobacco-pipe.  In  a  word,  the  renowned  Walter  the 
Doubter,  who  had  so  often  slumbered  with  his  contempo- 
raries, now  slept  with  his  fathers,  and  Wilhelmus  Kieft 
governed  in  his  stead. 


BOOK   IV. 

CONTAINING  THE  CHKONICLES  OP  THE  KEIGN  OF  WILLIAM  THE  TESTE 


CHAPTER  I. 

SHOWING  THE  NATURE  OF  HISTORY  IX  GENERAL  ;  CONTAINING  FARTHERMORE 
THE  UNIVERSAL  ACQUIREMENTS  OF  WILLIAM  THE  TESTV,  AND  HOW  A  MAN 
MAY  LBARN  SO  MUCH  AS  TO  RENDER  HIMSELF  GOOD  FOR  NOTHING. 

HEN  the  lofty  Thucydides  is  about  to  enter 
upon  his  description  of  the  plague  that  de- 
solated Athens,  one  of  his  modern  commen- 
tators assures  the  reader,  that  the  history  is  now  going 
to  be  exceeding  solemn,  serious,  and  pathetic,  and  hints, 
with  that  air  of  chuckling  gratulation  with  which  a  good 
dame  draws  forth  a  choice  morsel  from  a  cupboard  to 
regale  a  favorite,  that  this  plague  will  give  his  history  a 
most  agreeable  variety. 

227 


228  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

In  like  manner  did  my  heart  leap  within  me,  when  I 
came  to  the  dolorous  dilemma  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop,  which 
I  at  once  perceived  to  be  the  forerunner  of  a  series  of 
great  events  and  entertaining  disasters.  Such  are  the 
true  subjects  for  the  historic  pen.  For  what  is  history, 
in  fact,  but  a  kind  of  Newgate  calendar,  a  register  of  the 
crimes  and  miseries  that  man  has  inflicted  on  his  fellow- 
man?  It  is  a  huge  libel  on  human  nature,  to  which  we 
industriously  add  page  after  page,  volume  after  volume, 
as  if  we  were  building  up  a  monument  to  the  honor, 
rather  than  the  infamy  of  our  species.  If  we  turn  ovei 
the  pages  of  these  chronicles  that  man  has  written  of 
himself,  what  are  the  characters  dignified  by  the  appella- 
tion of  great,  and  held  up  to  the  admiration  of  posterity  ? 
Tyrants,  robbers,  conquerors,  renowned  only  for  the  mag- 
nitude of  their  misdeeds,  and  the  stupendous  wrongs  and 
miseries  they  have  inflicted  on  mankind, — warriors,  who 
have  hired  themselves  to  the  trade  of  blood,  not  from 
motives  of  virtuous  patriotism,  or  to  protect  the  injured 
and  defenceless,  but  merely  to  gain  the  vaunted  glory  of 
being  adroit  and  successful  in  massacring  their  fellow- 
beings  !  "What  are  the  great  events  that  constitute  a 
glorious  era  ? — The  fall  of  empires ;  the  desolation  of 
happy  countries  ;  splendid  cities  smoking  in  their  ruins ; 
the  proudest  works  of  art  tumbled  in  the  dust;  the 
shrieks  and  groans  of  whole  nations  ascending  unto 
heaven ! 

It  is  thus  the  historian  may  be  said  to  thrive  on  the 


FROM  CALM  TO  STORM.  229 

miseries  of  mankind,  like  birds  of  prey  which  hover  over 
the  field  of  battle  to  fatten  on  the  mighty  dead.  It  was 
observed  by  a  great  projector  of  inland  lock-navigation, 
that  rivers,  lakes,  and  oceans  were  only  formed  to  feed 
canals.  In  like  manner  I  am  tempted  to  believe  that 
plots,  conspiracies,  wars,  victories,  and  massacres  are 
ordained  by  Providence  only  as  food  for  the  historian. 

It  is  a  source  of  great  delight  to  the  philosopher,  in 
studying  the  wonderful  economy  of  nature,  to  trace  the 
mutual  dependencies  of  things,  how  they  are  created  re- 
ciprocally for  each  other,  and  how  the  most  noxious  and 
apparently  unnecessary  animal  has  its  uses.  Thus  those 
swarms  of  flies,  which  are  so  often  execrated  as  useless 
vermin,  are  created  for  the  sustenance  of  spiders;  and 
spiders,  on  the  other  hand,  are  evidently  made  to  devour 
flies.  So  those  heroes,  who  have  been  such  scourges  to 
the  world,  were  bounteously  provided  as  themes  for  the 
poet  and  historian,  while  the  poet  and  the  historian  were 
destined  to  record  the  achievements  of  heroes ! 

These,  and  many  similar  reflections,  naturally  arose  in 
my  mind 'as  I  took  up  my  pen  to  commence  the  reign  of 
"William  Kieft :  for  now  the  stream  of  our  history,  which 
hitherto  has  rolled  in  a  tranquil  current,  is  about  to  de- 
part forever  from  its  peaceful  haunts,  and  brawl  through 
many  a  turbulent  and  rugged  scene. 

As  some  sleek  ox,  sunk  in  the  rich  repose  of  a  clover- 
field,  dozing  and  chewing  the  cud,  will  bear  repeated 
blows  before  it  raises  itself,  so  the  province  of  Nieuw 


230  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

Nederlandts,  having  waxed  fat  under  the  drowsy  reign  of 
the  Doubter,  needed  cuffs  and  kicks  to  rouse  it  into  ac- 
tion. The  reader  will  now  witness  the  manner  in  which 
a  peaceful  community  advances  towards  a  state  of  war ; 
which  is  apt  to  be  like  the  approach  of  a  horse  to  a 
drum,  with  much  prancing  and  little  progress,  and  too 
often  with  the  wrong  end  foremost. 

Wilhelmus  Kieft,  who  in  1634  ascended  the  guberna- 
torial chair,  (to  borrow  a  favorite  though  clumsy  appella- 
tion of  modern  phraseologists,)  was  of  a  lofty  descent,  his 
father  being  inspector  of  wind-mills  in  the  ancient  town 
of  Saardam ;  and  our  hero,  we  are  told,  when  a  boy,  made 
very  curious  investigations  into  the  nature  and  operation 
of  these  machines,  which  was  ono  reason  why  he  after- 
wards came  to  be  so  ingenious  a  governor.  His  name, 
according  to  the  most  authentic  etymologists,  was  a  cor- 
ruption of  Kyver,  that  is  to  say,  a  wrangler  or  scolder, 
and  expressed  the  characteristic  of  his  family,  which,  for 
nearly  two  centuries,  had  kept  the  windy  towrn  of  Saardam 
in  hot  water,  and  produced  more  tartars  and  brimstones 
than  any  ten  families  in  the  place ;  and  so  truly  did  he 
inherit  this  family  peculiarity,  that  he  had  not  been  a 
year  in  the  government  of  the  province,  before  he  was 
universally  denominated  "William  the  Testy.  His  ap- 
pearance answered  to  his  name.  He  was  a  brisk,  wiry, 
waspish  little  old  gentleman ;  such  a  one  as  may  now  and 
then  be  seen  stumping  about  our  city  in  a  broad-skirted 
coat  with  huge  buttons,  a  cocked  hat  stuck  on  the  back 


WILLIAM  THE  TESTY.  231 

of  his  head,  and  a  cane  as  high  as  his  chin.  His  face 
was  broad,  but  his  features  were  sharp ;  his  cheeks  were 
scorched  into  a  dusky  red  by  two  fiery  little  gray  eyes ; 
his  nose  turned  up,  and  the  corners  of  his  mouth  turned 
down,  pretty  much  like  the  muzzle  of  an  irritable  pug- 
dog. 

I  have  heard  it  observed  by  a  profound  adept  in  hu- 
man physiology,  that  if  a  woman  waxes  fat  with  the  prog- 
ress of  years,  her  tenure  of  life  is  somewhat  precarious, 
but  if  haply  she  withers  as  she  grows  old,  she  lives  for- 
ever. Such  promised  to  be  the  case  with  William  the 
Testy,  who  grew  tough  in  proportion  as  he  dried.  He 
had  withered,  in  fact,  not  through  the  process  of  years, 
but  through  the  tropical  fervor  of  his  soul,  which  burnt 
like  a  vehement  rush-light  in  his  bosom,  inciting  him  to 
incessant  broils  and  bickerings.  Ancient  traditions  speak 
much  of  his  learning,  and  of  the  gallant  inroads  he  had 
made  into  the  dead  languages,  in  which  he  had  made 
captive  a  host  of  Greek  nouns  and  Latin  verbs,  and 
brought  off  rich  booty  in  ancient  saws  and  apothegms, 
which  he  was  wont  to  parade  in  his  public  harangues,  as 
a  triumphant  general  01  yore  his  spolia  opima.  Of  meta- 
physics he  knew  enough  to  confound  all  hearers  and  him- 
self into  the  bargain.  In  logic,  he  knew  the  whole  family 
of  syllogisms  and  dilemmas,  and  was  so  proud  of  his  skill 
that  he  never  suffered  even  a  self-evident  fact  to  pass  un- 
argued.  It  was  observed,  however,  that  he  seldom  got 
into  an  argument  without  getting  into  a  perplexity,  and 


232  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

then  into  a  passion  with  his  adversary  for  not  being  con- 
vinced gratis. 

He  had,  moreover,  skirmished  smartly  on  the  frontiers 
of  several  of  the  sciences,  was  fond  of  experimental  phi- 
losophy, and  prided  himself  upon  inventions  of  all  kinds. 
Hia  abode,  which  he  had  fixed  at  a  Bowerie  or  country- 
seat  at  a  short  distance  from  the  city,  just  at  what  is  now 
called  Dutch  Street,  soon  abounded  with  proofs  of  his 
ingenuity :  patent  smoke-jacks  that  required  a  horse  to 
work  them ;  Dutch  ovens  that  roasted  meat  without  fire ; 
carts  that  went  before  the  horses;  weather-cocks  that 
turned  against  the  wind  ;  and  other  wrong-headed  contri- 
vances that  astonished  and  confounded  all  beholders. 
The  house,  too,  was  beset  with  paralytic  cats  and  dogs, 
the  subjects  of  his  experimental  philosophy;  and  the 
yelling  and  yelping  of  the  latter  unhappy  victims  of 
science,  while  aiding  in  the  pursuit  of  knowledge,  soon 
gained  for  the  place  the  name  of  "  Dog's  Misery,"  by 
which  it  continues  to  be  known  even  at  the  present 
day. 

It  is  in  knowledge  as  in  swimming :  he  who  flounders 
and  splashes  on  the  surface  makes  more  noise,  and  at- 
tracts more  attention,  than  the  pearl-diver  who  quietly 
divas  in  quest  of  treasures  to  the  bottom.  The  vast  ac- 
quirements of  the  new  governor  were  the  theme  of  mar- 
vel among  the  simple  burghers  of  New  Amsterdam ;  he 
figured  about  the  place  as  learned  a  man  as  a  Bonze  at 
Pekin,  who  has  mastered  one  half  of  the  Chinese  alpha- 


UNIVERSAL  GENIUS.  233 

bet,  and  was  unanimously  pronounced  a  "  universal  ge- 
nius ! " 

I  have  known  in  my  time  many  a  genius  of  this  stamp ; 
but,  to  speak  my  mind  freely,  I  never  knew  one  who,  for 
the  ordinary  purposes  of  life,  was  worth  his  weight  in 
straw.  In  this  respect,  a  little  sound  judgment  and  plain 
common  sense  is  worth  all  the  sparkling  genius  that  ever 
wrote  poetry  or  invented  theories.  Let  us  see  how  the 
universal  acquirements  of  "William  the  Testy  aided  him 
in  the  affairs  of  government. 


HOW  WILLIAM  THE  TESTY    UNDERTOOK   TO    COXQUER    BT  PROCLAMATION* — HOW 
HE  WAS  A  CHEAT  MAX  ABROAD,  BUT  A  LITTLE  MAX   IX   HIS  OWN   HOUSE. 

O  sooner  had  this  bustling  little  potentate  been 
blown  by  a  whiff  of  fortune  into  the  seat  of 
government  than  he  called  his  council  together 
to  make  them  a  speech  on  the  state  of  affairs. 

Caius  Gracchus,  it  is  said,  when  he  harangued  the  Ro- 
man populace,  modulated  his  tone  by  an  oratorical  flute 
or  pitch-pipe  ;  Wilhelmus  Kieft,  not  having  such  an  in- 
strument at  hand,  availed  himself  of  that  musical  organ 
or  trump  which  nature  has  implanted  in  the  midst  of  a 
man's  face  :  in  other  words,  he  preluded  his  address  by  a 
sonorous  blast  of  the  nose, — a  preliminary  flourish  much 
in  vogue  among  public  orators 

He  then  commenced  by  expressing  his  humble  sense  of 
his  utter  unworthiness  of  the  high  post  to  which  he  had 
been  appointed  ;  which  made  some  of  the  simple  burghers 
wonder  why  he  undertook  it,  not  knowing  that  it  is  a 
point  of  etiquette  with  a  public  orator  never  to  enter 
upon  office  without  declaring  himself  unworthy  to  cross 
the  threshold.  He  then  proceeded  in  a  manner  highly 

234 


WILLIAM  THE  TESTY 'S  SPEECH.  235 

classic  and  erudite  to  speak  of  government  generally,  and 
of  the  governments  of  ancient  Greece  in  particular,  to- 
gether with  the  wars  of  Home  and  Carthage,  and  the  rise 
and  fall  of  sundry  outlandish  empires  which  the  worthy 
burghers  had  never  read  nor  heard  of.  Having  thus, 
after  the  manner  of  your  learned  orator,  treated  of  things 
in  general,  he  came,  by  a  natural,  roundabout  transition, 
to  the  matter  in  hand,  namely,  the  daring  aggressions  of 
the  Yankees. 

As  my  readers  are  well  aware  of  the  advantage  a  po- 
tentate has  of  handling  his  enemies  as  he  pleases  in 
his  speeches  and  bulletins,  where  he  has  the  talk  all 
on  his  own  side,  they  may  rest  assured  that  William 
the  Testy  did  not  let  such  an  opportunity  escape  of 
giving  the  Yankees  what  is  called  "  a  taste  of  his  qua- 
lity." In  speaking  of  their  inroads  into  the  territo- 
ries of  their  High  Mightinesses,  he  compared  them  to 
the  Gauls  who  desolated  Rome,  the  Goths  and  Van- 
dals who  overran  the  fairest  plains  of  Europe;  but 
when  he  came  to  speak  of  the  unparalleled  audacity 
with  which  they  of  Weathersfield  had  advanced  their 
patches  up  to  the  very  walls  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop,  and 
threatened  to  smother  the  garrison  in  onions,  tears  of 
rage  started  into  his  eyes,  as  though  he  nosed  the  very 
offence  in  question. 

Having  thus  wrought  up  his  tale  to  a  climax,  he  as- 
sumed a  most  belligerent  look,  and  assured  the  council 
that  he  had  devised  an  instrument,  potent  in  its  effects, 


236  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

and  which  he  trusted  would  soon  drive  the  Yankees  from 
the  land.  So  saying,  he  thrust  his  hand  into  one  of  the 
deep  pockets  of  his  broad-skirted  coat  and  drew  forth,  not 
an  infernal  machine,  but  an  instrument  in  writing,  which 
he  laid  with  great  emphasis  upon  the  table. 

The  burghers  gazed  at  it  for  a  time  in  silent  awe,  as  a 
wary  housewife  does  at  a  gun,  fearful  it  may  go  off  half- 
cocked.  The  document  in  question  had  a  sinister  look, 
it  is  true ;  it  was  crabbed  in  text,  and  from  a  broad  red 
ribbon  dangled  the  great  seal  of  the  province,  about  the 
size  of  a  buckwheat  pancake.  •  Still,  after  all,  it  was  but 
an  instrument  in  writing.  Herein,  however,  existed  the 
wonder  of  the  invention.  The  document  in  question  was 
a  PROCLAMATION,  ordering  the  Yankees  to  depart  instantly 
from  the  territories  of  their  High  Mightinesses,  under 
pain  of  suffering  all  the  forfeitures  and  punishments  in 
such  case  made  and  provided.  In  was  on  the  moral  effect 
of  this  formidable  instrument  that  "Wilhelmus  Kieft  cal- 
culated, pledging  his  valor  as  a  governor  that,  once  fulmi- 
nated against  the  Yankees,  it  would,  in  less  than  two 
months,  drive  every  mother's  son  of  them  across  the 
borders. 

The  council  broke  up  in  perfect  wonder  ;  and  nothing 
was  talked  of  for  some  time  among  the  old  men  and 
women  of  New  Amsterdam  but  the  vast  genius  of  the 
governor,  and  his  new  and  cheap  mode  of  fighting  by  pro- 
clamation. 

As  to  Wilhelmus  Kieft,  having  dispatched  his  procla- 


PETTICOAT  GOVERNMENT.  237 

mation  to  the  frontiers,  he  put  on  his  cocked  hat  and 
corduroy  small-clothes,  and  mounting  a  tall  raw-boned 
charger,  trotted  out  to  his  rural  retreat  of  Dog's  Misery. 
Here,  like  the  good  Numa,  he  reposed  from  the  toils  of 
state,  taking  lessons  in  government,  not  from  the  nymph 
Egeria,  but  from  the  honored  wife  of  his  bosom  ;  who 
was  one  of  that  class  of  females  sent  upon  the  earth  a 
little  after  the  flood,  as  a  punishment  for  the  sins  of  man- 
kind, and  commonly  known  by  the  appellation  of  knowing 
women.  In  fact,  my  duty  as  an  historian  obliges  me  to 
make  known  a  circumstance  which  was  a  great  secret  at 
the  time,  and  consequently  was  not  a  subject  of  scandal 
at  more  than  half  the  tea-tables  in  New  Amsterdam,  but 
which,  like  many  other  great  secrets,  has  leaked  out  in 
the  lapse  of  years, — and  this  was,  that  Wilhelmus  the 
Testy,  though  one  of  the  most  potent  little  men  that  ever 
breathed,  yet  submitted  at  home  to  a  species  of  govern- 
ment, neither  laid  down  in  Aristotle  nor  Plato,  in  short, 
it  partook  of  the  nature  of  a  pure,  unmixed  tyranny,  and 
is  familiarly  denominated  petticoat  government; — an  abso- 
lute sway,  which,  although  exceedingly  common  in  these 
modern  days,  was  very  rare  among  the  ancients,  if  we 
may  judge  from  the  rout  made  about  the  domestic  econ- 
omy of  honest  Socrates ;  which  is  the  only  ancient  case 
on  record. 

The  great  Kieft,  however,  warded  off  all  the  sneers  and 
sarcasms  of  his  particular  friends,  who  are  ever  ready  to 
joke  with  a  man  on  sore  points  of  the  kind,  by  alleging 


238  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

that  it  was  a  government  of  his  own  election,  to  which 
he  submitted  through  choice,  adding  at  the  same  time 
a  profound  maxim  which  he  had  found  in  an  ancient 
author,  that  "he  who  would  aspire  to  govern,  should  first 
learn  to  obey." 


CHAPTEE  HI. 

IN  WHICH  ARE  RECORDED  THE  SAGE  PROJECTS  OP  A  RULER  OF  UNIVERSAL 
GENIUS — THE  ART  OF  FIGHTING  BY  PROCLAMATION — AND  HOW  THAT  THE 
VALIANT  JACOBUS  VAN  CURLET  CAME  TO  BE  FOULLY  DISHONORED  AT  FORT 
GOED  HOOP. 

EVER  was  a  more  comprehensive,  a  more  ex- 
peditious, or,  what  is  still  better,  a  more  eco- 
nomical measure  devised,  than  this  of  defeating 
the  Yankees  by  proclamation, — an  expedient,  likewise,  so 
gentle  and  humane,  there  were  ten  chances  to  one  in 
favor  of  its  succeeding ;  but  then  there  was  one  chance  to 
ten  that  it  would  not  succeed, — as  the  ill-natured  fates 
would  have  it,  that  single  chance  carried  the  day  !  The 
proclamation  was  perfect  in  all  its  parts,  well  constructed, 
well  written,  well  sealed,  and  well  published;  all  that 
was  wanting  to  insure  its  effect  was,  that  the  Yankees 
should  stand  in  awe  of  it ;  but,  provoking  to  relate,  they 
treated  it  with  the  most  absolute  contempt,  applied  it  to 
an  unseemly  purpose;  and  thus  did  the  first  warlike 
proclamation  come  to  a  shameful  end, — a  fate  which  I 
am  credibly  informed  has  befallen  but  too  many  of  its 
successors. 

So  far  from  abandoning  the  country,  those  varlets  con- 

239 


240  BISTORT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

tinned  their  encroachments,  squatting  along  the  green 
banks  of  the  Yarsche  river,  and  founding  Hartford,  Stam- 
ford, New  Haven,  and  other  border-towns.  I  have  already 
shown  how  the  onion  patches  of  Pjquag  were  an  eye-sore 
to  Jacobus  Van  Curlet  and  his  garrison ;  but  now  these 
moss-troopers  increased  in  their  atrocities,  kidnapping 
hogs,  impounding  horses,  and  sometimes  grievously  rib- 
roasting  their  owners.  Our  worthy  forefathers  could 
scarcely  stir  abroad  without  danger  of  being  out-jockeyed 
in  horse-flesh,  or  taken  in  in  bargaining;  while,  in  their 
absence,  some  daring  Yankee  peddler  would  penetrate  to 
their  household,  and  nearly  ruin  the  good  housewives 
with  tin  ware  and  wooden  bowls.  * 

I  am  well  aware  of  the  perils  which  environ  me  in  this 
part  of  my  history.  "While  raking  with  curious  hand  but 

*  The  following  cases  in  point  appear  in  Hazard's  Collection  of  State 
Papers. 

"  In  the  meantime,  they  of  Hartford  have  not  onely  usurped  and  taken 
in  the  lands  of  Connecticott,  although  unrighteously  and  against  the 
lawes  of  nations  but  have  hindered  our  nation  in  sowing  theire  own  pur- 
chased broken  up  lands,  but  have  also  sowed  them  with  corne  in  the 
night,  which  the  Nederlanders  had  broken  up  and  intended  to  sowe  :  and 
have  beaten  the  servants  of  the  high  and  mighty  the  honored  companie, 
which  were  laboring  upon  theire  master's  lands,  from  theire  lands,  with 
sticks  and  plow  staves  in  hostile  manner  laming,  and  among  the  rest, 
struck  Ever  Duckings  [Evert  Duyckink]  a  hole  in  his  head,  with  a  stick, 
so  that  the  bloode  ran  downe  very  strongly  downe  upon  his  body." 

"  Those  of  Hartford  sold  a  hogg,  that  belonged  to  the  honored  com- 
panie, under  pretence  that  it  had  eaten  of  theire  grounde  grass,  when 
they  had  not  any  foot  of  inheritance.  They  proffered  the  hogg  for  5s.  if 
the  commissioners  would  have  given  5s.  for  damage  ;  which  the  commis- 
sioners denied,  because  noe  man's  own  hogg  (as  men  used  to  say)  can 
trespass  upon  his  owne  master's  grounde." 


THE   YANKEES'  ENCROACHMENTS.  241 

pious  heart,  among  the  mouldering  remains  of  former 
days,  anxious  to  draw  therefrom  the  honey  of  wisdom,  I 
may  fare  somewhat  like  that  valiant  worthy,  Samson,  who, 
in  meddling  with  the  carcass  of  a  dead  lion,  drew  a  swarm 
of  bees  about  his  ears.  Thus,  while  narrating  the  many 
misdeeds  of  the  Yanokie  or  Yankee  race,  it  is  ten  chances 
to  one  but  I  offend  the  morbid  sensibilities  of  certain  of 
their  unreasonable  descendants,  who  may  fly  out  and  raise 
such  a  buzzing  about  this  unlucky  head  of  mine,  that  I 
shall  need  the  tough  hide  of  an  Achilles,  or  an  Orlando 
Furioso,  to  protect  me  from  their  stings. 

Should  such  be  the  case,  I  should  deeply  and  sincerely 
lament, — not  my  misfortune  in  giving  offence,  but  the 
wrong-headed  perverseness  of  an  ill-natured  generation, 
in  taking  offence  at  anything  I  say.  That  their  ancestors 
did  use  my  ancestors  ill  is  true,  and  I  am  very  sorry  for 
it.  I  would,  with  all  my  heart,  the  fact  were  otherwise ; 
but  as  I  am  recording  the  sacred  events  of  history,  I'd 
not  bate  one  nail's  breadth  of  the  honest  truth,  though  I 
were  sure  the  whole  edition  of  my  work  would  be  bought 
up  and  burnt  by  the  common  hangman  of  Connecticut. 
And  in  sooth,  now  that  these  testy  gentlemen  have  drawn 
me  out,  I  will  make  bold  to  go  farther,  and  observe  that 
this  is  one  of  the  grand  purposes  for  which  we  impartial 
historians  are  sent  into  the  world, — to  redress  wrongs 
and  render  justice  on  the  heads  of  the  guilty.  So  that, 
though  a  powerful  nation  may  wrong  its  neighbors  with 
temporary  impunity,  yet  sooner  or  later  an  historian 
16 


242  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

springs  tip,  who  wreaks  ample  chastisement  on  it  ia 
return. 

Thus  these  moss-troopers  of  the  east  little  thought, 
I'll  warrant  it,  while  they  were  harassing  the  inoffensive 
province  of  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  and  driving  its  unhappy 
governor  to  his  wit's  end,  that  an  historian  wTould  ever 
arise,  and  give  them  their  own,  with  interest.  Since, 
then,  I  am  but  performing  my  bounden  duty  as  an  his- 
torian, in  avenging  the  wrongs  of  our  revered  ancestors, 
I  shall  make  no  further  apology ;  and,  indeed,  when  it  is 
considered  that  I  have  all  these  ancient  borderers  of  the 
east  in  my  power,  and  at  the  mercy  of  my  pen,  I  trust 
that  it  will  be  admitted  I  conduct  myself  with  great  hu- 
manity and  moderation. 

It  was  long  before  William  the  Testy  could  be  per- 
suaded that  his  much-vaunted  war-measure  was  ineffect- 
ual ;  on  the  contrary,  he  flew  in  a  passion  whenever  it 
was  doubted,  swearing  ihat,  though  slow  in  operation, 
yet  when  it  once  began  to  work,  it  would  soon  purge  the 
land  of  these  invaders.  When  convinced,  at  length,  of 
the  truth,  like  a  shrewd  physician  he  attributed  the 
failure  to  the  quantity,  not  the  quality  of  the  medi- 
cine, and  resolved  to  double  the  dose.  He  fulminated, 
therefore,  a  second  proclamation,  more  vehement  than 
the  first,  forbidding  all  intercourse  with  these  Yankee 
intruders,  ordering  the  Dutch  burghers  on  the  frontiers 
to  buy  none  of  their  pacing  horses,  measly  pork,  apple- 
sweetmeats,  Weathersfield  onions,  or  wooden  bowls,  and 


THE  LAST  OF  THE  FORTRESS.  243 

to  furnish  them  with  no  supplies  of  gin,  gingerbread, 
or  sourkrout. 

Another  interval  elapsed,  during  which  the  last  procla- 
mation was  as  little  regarded  as  the  first ;  and  the  non- 
intercourse  was  especially  set  at  naught  by  the  young 
folks  of  both  sexes,  if  we  may  judge  by  the  active  bun- 
dling which  took  place  along  the  borders. 

At  length,  one  day  the  inhabitants  of  New  Amsterdam 
were  aroused  by  a  furious  barking  of  dogs,  great  and 
small,  and  beheld,  to  their  surprise,  the  whole  garrison 
of  Fort  Goed  Hoop  straggling  into  town  all  tattered  and 
wayworn,  with  Jacobus  Van  Curlet  at  their  head,  bring- 
ing the  melancholy  intelligence  of  the  capture  of  Fort 
Goed  Hoop  by  the  Yankees. 

The  fate  of  this  important  fortress  is  an  impressive 
warning  to  all  military  commanders.  It  was  neither  car- 
ried by  storm  nor  famine ;  nor  was  it  undermined ;  nor 
bombarded ;  nor  set  on  fire  by  red-hot  shot ;  but  was 
taken  by  a  stratagem  no  less  singular  than  effectual,  and 
which  can  never  fail  of  success,  whenever  an  opportunity 
occurs  of  putting  it  in  practice. 

It  seems  that  the  Yankees  had  received  intelligence 
that  the  garrison  of  Jacobus  Van  Curlet  had  been  re- 
duced nearly  one  eighth  by  the  death  of  two  of  his  most 
corpulent  soldiers,  who  had  overeaten  themselves  on  fat 
salmon  caught  in  the  Varsche  river.  A  secret  expedition 
was  immediately  set  on  foot  to  surprise  the  fortress. 
The  crafty  enemy,  knowing  the  habits  of  the  garrison  to 


244  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

sleep  soundly  after  they  had  eaten  their  dinners  and 
smoked  their  pipes,  stole  upon  them  at  the  noontide  of 
a  sultry  summer's  day,  and  surprised  them  in  the  midst 
of  their  slumbers. 

In  an  instant  the  flag  of  their  High  Mightinesses  was 
lowered,  and  the  Yankee  standard  elevated  in  its  stead, 
being  a  dried  codfish,  by  way  of  a  spread  eagle.  A  strong 
garrison  was  appointed,  of  long-sided,  hard-fisted  Yan- 
kees, with  Weathersfield  onions  for  cockades  and  feath- 
ers. As  to  Jacobus  Van  Curlet  and  his  men,  they  were 
seized  by  the  nape  of  the  neck,  conducted  to  the  gate,  and 
one  by  one  dismissed  by  a  kick  in  the  crupper,  as  Charles 
XH.  dismissed  the  heavy-bottomed  Russians  at  the  battle 
of  Narva ;  Jacobus  Yan  Curlet  receiving  two  kicks  in  con- 
sideration of  his  official  dignity. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

CONTAINING  THE  FEARFUL  WUATH  OF  WILLIAM  THE  TESTY,  AND  THE  ALARM 
OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM — HOW  THE  GOVERNOR  DID  STRONGLY  FORTIFY  THE 
CITY — OF  THE  RISE  OF  ANTONY  THE  TRUMPETER,  AND  THE  WNDY  ADDI- 
TION TO  THE  ARMORIAL  BEARINGS  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM. 

ANGUAGE  cannot  express  the  awful  ire  of 
William  the  Testy  on  hearing  of  the  catastro- 
phe at  Fort  Goed  Hoop.  For  three  good  hours 
his  rage  was  too  great  for  words,  or  rather  the  words 
were  too  great  for  him,  (being  a  very  small  man,)  and  he 
was  nearly  choked  by  the  misshapen,  nine-cornered 
Dutch  oaths  and  epithets  which  crowded  at  once  into  his 
gullet.  At  length  his  words  found  vent,  and  for  three 
days  he  kept  up  a  constant  discharge,  anathematizing  the 
Yankees,  man,  woman,  and  child,  for  a  set  of  dieven, 
schobbejacken,  deugenieten,  twistzoekeren,  blaes-kaken, 
loosen-schalken,  kakken-bedden,  and  a  thousand  other 
names,  of  which,  unfortunately  for  posterity,  history  does 
not  make  mention.  Finally,  he  swore  that  he  would  have 
nothing  more  to  do  with  such  a  squatting,  bundling, 
guessing,  questioning,  swapping,  pumpkin-eating,  molas- 
ses-daubing, shingle-splitting,  cider-watering,  horse-jock- 
eying, notion-peddling  crew ;  that  they  might  stay  at  Fort 

245 


24.6  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORK. 

Goed  Hoop  and  rot,  before  lie  would  dirty  his  liands  by 
attempting  to  drive  them  away:  in  proof  of  which  he 
ordered  the  new-raised  troops  to  be  marched  forthwith 
into  winter-quarters,  although  it  was  not  as  yet  quite 
midsummer.  Great  despondency  now  fell  upon  the  citv 
of  New  Amsterdam.  It  was  feared  that  the  conquerors  of 
Fort  Goed  Hoop,  flushed  with  victory  and  apple-brandy, 
might  march  on  to  the  capital,  take  it  by  storm,  and  an- 
nex the  whole  province  to  Connecticut.  The  name  of 
Yankee  became  as  terrible  among  the  Nieuw  Nederland- 
ers  as  was  that  of  Gaul  among  the  ancient  Romans ;  inso- 
much that  the  good  wives  of  the  Manhattoes  used  it  as  a 
bugbear  wherewith  to  frighten  their  unruly  children. 

Everybody  clamored  around  the  governor,  imploring 
him  to  put  the  city  in  a  complete  posture  of  defence  ;  and 
he  listened  to  their  clamors.  Nobody  could  accuse  Wil- 
liam the  Testy  of  being  idle  in  time  of  danger,  or  at  any 
other  time.  He  was  never  idle,  but  then  he  was  often  busy 
to  very  little  purpose.  When  a  youngling,  he  had  been 
impressed  with  the  words  of  Solomon,  "  Go  to  the  ant, 
thou  sluggard,  observe  her  ways  and  be  wise ; "  in  con- 
formity to  which  he  had  ever  been  of  a  restless,  ant-like 
turn,  hurrying  hither  and  thither,  nobody  knew  why  or 
wherefore,  busying  himself  about  small  matters  with  an 
air  of  great  importance  and  anxiety,  and  toiling  at  a  grain 
of  mustard-seed  in  the  full  conviction  that  he  was  moving 
a  mountain.  In  the  present  instance,  he  called  in  all  his 
inventive  powers  to  his  aid,  and  was  continually  ponder- 


ANTONY  VAN  COBLEAR.  247 

ing  over  plans,  making  diagrams,  and  worrying  about 
•with  a  troop  of  workmen  and  projectors  at  his  heels.  At 
length,  after  a  world  of  consultation  and  contrivance,  his 
plans  of  defence  ended  in  rearing  a  great  flag-staff  in  the 
centre  of  the  fort,  and  perching  a  wind-mill  on  each  bas- 
tion. 

These  warlike  preparations  in  some  measure  allayed 
the  public  alarm,  especially  after  an  additional  means  of 
securing  the  safety  of  the  city  had  been  suggested  by  the 
governor's  lady.  It  has  already  been  hinted  in  this  most 
authentic  history,  that  in  the  domestic  establishment  of 
William  the  Testy  "  the  gray  mare  was  the  better  horse  " ; 
in  other  words,  that  his  wife  "  ruled  the  roast,"  and  in 
governing  the  governor,  governed  the  province,  which 
might  thus  be  said  to  be  under  petticoat  government. 

Now  it  came  to  pass,  that  about  this  time  there,  lived  in 
the  Manhattoes  a  jolly,  robustious  trumpeter,  named  An- 
tony Van  Corlear,  famous  for  his  long  wind  ;  and  who,  as 
the  story  goes,  could  twang  so  potently  upon  his  instru- 
ment, that  the  effect  upon  all  within  hearing  was  like 
that  ascribed  to  the  Scotch  bagpipe  when  it  sings  right 
lustily  i'  the  nose. 

This  sounder  of  brass  was  moreover  a  lusty  bachelor, 
with  a  pleasant,  burly  visage,  a  long  nose,  and  huge 
whiskers.  He  had  his  little  lowerie,  or  retreat,  in  the 
country,  where  he  led  a  roistering  life,  giving  dances  to 
the  wives  and  daughters  of  the  burghers  of  the  Manhat- 
toes, insomuch  that  he  became  a  prodigious  favorite  with 


248  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

all  the  women,  young  and  old.  He  is  said  to  have  boon 
the  first  to  collect  that  famous  toll  levied  on  the  fair  sex 
at  Kissing  Bridge,  on  the  highway  to  Hellgate.* 

To  this  sturdy  bachelor  the  eyes  of  all  the  women  were 
turned  in  this  time  of  darkness  and  peril,  as  the  very 
man  to  second  and  carry  out  the  plans  of  defence  of  the 
governor.  A  kind  of  petticoat  council  was  forthwith  held 
at  the  government  house,  at  which  the  governor's  lady 
presided;  and  this  lady,  as  has  been  hinted,  being  all 
potent  with  the  governor,  the  result  of  these  councils  was 
the  elevation  of  Antony  the  Trumpeter  to  the  post  of 
commandant  of  wind-mills  and  champion  of  New  Am- 
sterdam. 

The  city  being  thus  fortified  and  garrisoned,  it  would 
have  done  one's  heart  good  to  see  the  governor  snapping 
his  fingers  and  fidgeting  with  delight,  as  the  trumpeter 
strutted  up  and  down  the  ramparts,  twanging  defiance  to 
the  whole  Yankee  race,  as  does  a  modern  editor  to  all  the 
principalities  and  powers  on  the  other  side  of  the  Atlan- 
tic. In  the  hands  of  Antony  Van  Corlear  this  windy  in- 
strument appeared  to  him  as  potent  as  the  horn  of  the 
paladin  Astolpho,  or  even  the  more  classic  horn  of  Alec- 
to ;  nay,  he  had  almost  the  temerity  to  compare  it  with 
the  rams'  horns  celebrated  in  holy  writ,  at  the  very  sound 
of  which  the  walls  of  Jericho  fell  down. 

*  The  bridge  here  mentioned  by  Mr.  Knickerbocker  still  exists  ;  but  it 
is  said  that  the  toll  is  seldom  collected  nowadays,  excepting  on  sleighing- 
parties,  by  the  descendants  of  the  patriarchs,  who  still  preserve  the  tra- 
ditions of  the  city. 


PROPHETIC  ESCUTCHEON.  249 

Be  all  this  as  it  may,  the  apprehensions  of  hostilities 
from  the  east  gradually  died  away.  The  Yankees  made 
no  further  invasion;  nay,  they  declared  they  had  only 
taken  possession  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop  as  being  erected 
within  their  territories.  So  far  from  manifesting  hostil- 
ity, they  continued  to  throng  to  New  Amsterdam  with 
the  most  innocent  countenances  imaginable,  filling  the 
market  with  their  notions,  being  as  ready  to  trade  with 
the  Nederlanders  as  ever,  and  not  a  whit  more  prone  to 
get  to  the  windward  of  them  in  a  bargain. 

The  old  wives  of  the  Manhattoes,  who  took  tea  with 
the  governor's  lady,  attributed  all  this  affected  modera- 
tion to  the  aAve  inspired  by  the  military  preparations  of 
the  governor,-  and  the  windy  prowess  of  Antony  the 
Trumpeter. 

There  were  not  wanting  illiberal  minds,  however,  who 
sneered  at  the  governor  for  thinking  to  defend  his  city  as 
he  governed  it,  by  mere  wind ;  but  William  Kieft  was  not 
to  be  jeered  out  of  his  wind-mills:  he  had  seen  them 
perched  upon  the  ramparts  of  his  native  city  of  Saardam, 
and  was  persuaded  they  were  connected  with  the  great 
science  of  defence ;  nay,  so  much  piqued  was  he  by  hav- 
ing them  made  a  matter  of  ridicule,  that .  he  introduced 
them  into  the  arms  of  the  city,  where  they  remain  to  this 
day,  quartered  with  the  ancient  beaver  of  the  Manhat- 
toes, an  emblem  and  memento  of  his  policy. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  certain  wise  old 
burghers  of  the  Manhattoes,  skilful  in  expounding  signs 


250  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

and  mysteries,  after  events  have  come  to  pass,  consider 
this  early  intrusion  of  the  wind-mill  into  the  escutcheon 
of  our  city,  which  before  had  been  wholly  occupied  by 
the  beaver,  as  portentous  of  its  after  fortune,  when  the 
quiet  Dutchman  would  be  elbowed  aside  by  the  enterpris- 
ing Yankee,  and  patient  industry  overtopped  by  windy 
speculation. 


CHAPTEE  V. 

OF   THE  JURISPRUDENCE  OF   WILLIAM    THE    TESTY,    AND    HIS    ADMIRABLE    EX' 
PEDIENTS   FOK    THE    SUPPRESSION  OF  POVERTY. 

MONG  the  wrecks  and  fragments  of  exalted 
wisdom,  which  have  floated  down  the  stream 
of  time  from  venerable  antiquity,  and  been 
picked  up  by  those  humble  but  industrious  wights  who 
ply  along  the  shores  of  literature,  we  find  a  shrewd  ordi- 
nance of  Charondas  the  Locrian  legislator.  Anxious  to 
preserve  the  judicial  code  of  the  State  from  the  additions 
and  amendments  of  country  members  and  seekers  of 
popularity,  he  ordained  that,  whoever  proposed  a  new 
law  should  do  it  with  a  halter  about  his  neck ;  whereby, 
in  case  his  proposition  were  rejected,  they  just  hung  him 
up — and  there  the  matter  ended. 

The  effect  was,  that  for  more  than  two  hundred  years 
there  was  but  one  trifling  alteration  in  the  judicial  code  ; 
and  legal  matters  were  so  clear  and  simple  that  the  whole 
race  of  lawyers  starved  to  death  for  want  of  employment. 
The  Locrians,  too,  being  freed  from  all  incitement  to  liti- 
gation, lived  very  lovingly  together,  and  were  so  happy  a 
people  that  they  make  scarce  any  figure  in  history ;  it 

251 


252  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

being  only  your  litigious,  quarrelsome,  rantipole  nations 
who  make  much  noise  in  the  world. 

I  have  been  reminded  of  these  historical  facts  in  com- 
ing to  treat  of  the  internal  policy  of  William  the  Testy. 
Well  would  it  have  been  for  him  had  he  in  the  course  of 
his  universal  acquirements  stumbled  upon  the  precaution 
of  the  good  Charondas,  or  had  he  looked  nearer  homo  at 
the  protectorate  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer,  when  the  com- 
munity was  governed  without  laws.  Such  legislation, 
however,  was  not  suited  to  the  busy,  meddling  mind  of 
William  the  Testy.  On  the  contrary,  he  conceived  that 
the  true  wisdom  of  legislation  consisted  in  the  multi- 
plicity of  laws.  He  accordingly  had  great  punishments 
for  great  crimes,  and  little  punishments  for  little  offences. 
By  degrees  the  whole  surface  of  society  was  cut  up  by 
ditches  and  fences,  and  quickset  hedges  of  the  law,  and 
even  the  sequestered  paths  of  private  life  so  beset  by 
petty  rules  and  ordinances,  too  numerous  to  be  remem- 
bered, that  one  could  scarce  walk  at  large  without  the 
risk  of  letting  off  a  spring-gun  or  falling  into  a  man-trap. 

In  a  little  while  the  blessings  of  innumerable  laws 
became  apparent ;  a  class  of  men  arose  to  expound  and 
confound  them.  Petty  courts  were  instituted  to  tako  cog- 
nizance of  petty  offences,  pettifoggers  began  to  abound ; 
and  the  community  was  soon  set  together  by  the  ears. 

Let  me  not  be  thought  as  intending  anything  deroga- 
tory to  the  profession  of  the  law,  or  to  the  distinguished 
members  of  that  illustrious  order.  Well  am  I  aware  that 


INTERNAL  POLICY.  253 

we  liave  in  this  ancient  city  innumerable  worthy  gentle- 
men, the  knights-errant  of  modern  days,  who  go  about 
redressing  wrongs  and  defending  the  defenceless,  not  for 
the  love  of  filthy  lucre,  nor  the  selfish  cravings  of  renown, 
but  merely  for  the  pleasure  of  doing  good.  Sooner  would 
I  throw  this  trusty  pen  into  the  flames,  and  cork  up  my 
ink-bottle  forever,  than  infringe  even  for  a  nail's  breadth 
upon  the  dignity  of  these  truly  benevolent  champions  of 
the  distressed.  On  the  contrary,  I  allude  merely  to  those 
caitiff  scouts  who,  in  these  latter  days  of  evil,  infest  the 
skirts  of  the  profession,  as  did  the  recreant  Cornish 
knights  of  yore  the  honorable  order  of  chivalry, — who, 
under  its  auspices,  commit  flagrant  wrongs, — who  thrive 
by  quibbles,  by  quirks  and  chicanery,  and  like  vermin 
increase  the  corruption  in  which  they  are  engendered. 

Nothing  so  soon  awakens  the  malevolent  passions  as 
the  facility  of  gratification.  The  courts  of  law  would 
never  be  so  crowded  with  petty,  vexatious,  and  disgrace- 
ful suits,  were  it  not  for  the  herds  of  pettifoggers.  These 
tamper  with  the  passions  of  the  poorer  and  more  igno- 
rant classes,  who,  as  if  poverty  were  not  a  sufficient 
misery  in  itself,  are  ever  ready  to  imbitter  it  by  litiga- 
tion. These,  like  quacks  in  medicine,  excite  the  malady 
to  profit  by  the  cure,  and  retard  the  cure  to  augment  the 
fees.  As  the  quack  exhausts  the  constitution,  the  petti- 
fogger exhausts  the  purse ;  and  as  he  who  has  once  been 
under  the  hands  of  a  quack  is  forever  after  prone  to 
dabble  in  drugs,  and  poison  himself  with  infallible  pre- 


254  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

scriptions,  so  the  client  of  the  pettifogger  is  ever  after 
prone  to  embroil  himself  with  his  neighbors,  and  im- 
poverish himself  with  successful  lawsuits.  My  readers 
will  excuse  this  digression  into  which  I  have  been  un- 
warily betrayed ;  but  I  could  not  avoid  giving  a  cool  and 
unprejudiced  account  of  an  abomination  too  prevalent  in 
this  excellent  city,  and  with  the  effects  of  which  I  am 
ruefully  acquainted  :  having  been  nearly  ruined  by  a  law- 
suit which  was  decided  against  me ;  and  my  ruin  having 
been  completed  by  another,  which  was  decided  in  my 
favor. 

To  return  to  our  theme.  There  was  nothing  in  the' 
whole  range  of  moral  offences  against  which  the  juris- 
prudence of  "William  the  Testy  was  more  strenuously  di- 
rected than  the  crying  sin  of  poverty.  He  pronounced  it 
the  root  of  all  evil,  and  determined  to  cut  it  up,  root  and 
branch,  and  extirpate  it  from  the  land.  He  had  been 
struck,  in  the  course  of  his  travels  in  the  old  countries  of 
Europe,  with  the  wisdom  of  those  notices  posted  up  in 
country  towns,  that  "any  vagrant  found  begging  there 
would  be  put  in  the  stocks,"  and  he  had  observed  that  no 
beggars  were  to  be  seen  in  these  neighborhoods ;  having 
doubtless  thrown  off  their  rag  and  their  poverty,  and  be- 
Acome  rich  under  the  terror  of  the  law.  He  determined  to 
improve  upon  this  hint.  In  a  little  while  a  new  machine, 
of  his  own  invention,  was  erected  hard  by  Dog's  Misery. 
This  was  nothing  more  nor  less  than  a  gibbet,  of  a  very 
strange,  uncouth,  and  unmatchable  construction,  far  more 


OVER  LEGISLATION.  255 

efficacious,  as  he  boasted,  than  the  stocks,  for  the  punish- 
ment of  poverty.  It  was  for  altitude  not  a  whit  inferior 
to  that  of  Haman  so  renowned  in  Bible  history  ;  but  the 
marvel  of  the  contrivance  was,  that  the  culprit,  instead  of 
being  suspended  by  the  neck,  according  to  venerable  cus- 
tom, was  hoisted  by  the  waistband,  and  kept  dangling 
and  sprawling  between  heaven  and  earth  for  an  hour  or 
two  at  a  time — to  the  infinite  entertainment  and  edifica- 
tion of  the  respectable  citizens  who  usually  attend  exhi- 
bitions of  the  kind. 

It  is  incredible  how  the  little  governor  chuckled  at  be- 
holding caitiff  vagrants  and  sturdy  beggars  thus  swinging 
by  the  crupper,  and  cutting  antic  gambols  in  the  air.  He 
had  a  thousand  pleasantries  and  mirthful  conceits  to 
utter  upon  these  occasions.  He  called  them  his  dandle- 
lions — his  wild-fowl — his  high-fliers — his  spread-eagles — 
his  goshawks — his  scare-crows — and  finally,  his  gaUows- 
Nrds ;  wrhich  ingenious  appellation,  though  originally 
confined  to  worthies  who  had  taken  the  air  in  this  strange 
manner,  has  since  grown  to  be  a  cant  name  given  to  all  can- 
didates for  legal  elevation.  This  punishment,  moreover, 
if  we  may  credit  the  assertions  of  certain  grave  etymolo- 
gists, gave  the  first  hint  for  a  kind  of  harnessing,  or  strap- 
ping, by  which  our  forefathers  braced  up  their  multifari- 
ous breeches,  and  which  has  of  late  years  been  revived, 
and  continues  to  be  worn  at  the  present  day. 

Such  was  the  punishment  of  all  petty  delinquents,  va- 
grants and  beggars  and  others  detected  in  being  guilty  of 


256  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

poverty  in  a  small  way  ;  as  to  those  who  had  offended  on 
a  great  scale,  who  had  been  guilty  of  flagrant  misfortunes 
and  enormous  backslidings  of  the  purse,  and  who  stood 
convicted  of  large  debts,  which  they  were  unable  to  pay, 
William  Kieft  had  them  straightway  inclosed  within  the 
stone  walls  of  a  prison,  there  to  remain  until  they  should 
reform  and  grow  rich.  This  notable  expedient,  however, 
does  not  appear  to  have  been  more  efficacious  under  Wil- 
liam the  Testy  than  in  more  modern  days :  it  being  found 
that  the  longer  a  poor  devil  was  kept  in  prison  the  poorer 
he  grew. 


CHAPTER   VL 

PROJECTS  OF   WILLIAM   THE   TESTY   FOR    INCREASING   THE  CURRENCY — HE  IS 
OUTWITTED   BY    THE  YANKEES — THE   GREAT   OYSTER  WAR. 

EXT  to  his  projects  for  the  suppression  of  pov- 
erty may  be  classed  those  of  William  the  Testy, 
for  increasing  the  wealth  of  New  Amsterdam. 
Solomon,  of  whose  character  for  wisdom  the  little  gover- 
nor was  somewhat  emulous,  had  made  gold  and  silver  as 
plenty  as  the  stones  in  the  streets  of  Jerusalem.  William 
Kieft  could  not  pretend  to  vie  with  him  as  to  the  pre- 
cious metals,  but  he  determined,  as  an  equivalent,  to  flood 
the  streets  of  New  Amsterdam  with  Indian  money.  This 
was  nothing  more  nor  less  than  strings  of  beads  wrought 
of  clams,  periwinkles,  and  other  shell-fish,  and  called 
seawant  or  wampum.  These  had  formed  a  native  cur- 
rency among  the  simple  savages,  who  were  content  to 
take  them  of  the  Dutchmen  in  exchange  for  peltries.  In 
an  unlucky  moment,  William  the  Testy,  seeing  this  money 
of  easy  production,  conceived  the  project  of  making  it  the 
current  coin  of  the  province.  It  is  true  it  had  an  intrin- 
sic value  among  the  Indians,  who  used  it  to  ornament  their 
robes  and  moccasons,  but  among  the  honest  burghers  it 
had  no  more  intrinsic  value  than  those  rags  which  form 

17  257 


258  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

the  paper  currency  of  modern  days.  This  consideration, 
however,  had  no  weight  with  William  Kieft.  He  began 
by  paying  all  the  servants  of  the  company,  and  all  the 
debts  of  government,  in  strings  of  wampum.  He  sent 
emissaries  to  sweep  the  shores  of  Long  Island,  which 
was  the  Ophir  of  this  modern  Solomon,  and  abounded  in 
shell-fish.  These  were  transported  in  loads  to  New  Am- 
sterdam, coined  into  Indian  money,  and  launched  into 
circulation. 

And  now,  for  a  time,  affairs  went  on  swimmingly ; 
money  became  as  plentiful  as  in  the  modern  days  of 
paper  currency,  and,  to  use  the  popular  phrase,  "  a  won- 
derful impulse  was  given  to  public  prosperity."  Yankee 
traders  poured  into  the  province,  buying  everything  they 
could  lay  their  hands  on,  and  paying  the  worthy  Dutch- 
men their  own  price — in  Indian  money.  If  the  latter, 
however,  attempted  to  pay  the  Yankees  in  the  same  coin 
for  their  tin  ware  and  wooden  bowls,  the  case  was  al- 
tered ;  nothing  would  do  but  Dutch  guilders  and  such 
like  "  metallic  currency."  What  was  worse,  the  Yankees 
introduced  an  inferior  kind  of  wampum  made  of  oyster- 
shells,  with  which  they  deluged  the  province,  carrying  off 
in  exchange  all  the  silver  and  gold,  the  Dutch  herrings, 
and  Dutch  cheeses:  thus  early  did  the  knowing  men  of  the 
east  manifest  their  skill  in  bargaining  the  New  Amster- 
dammers  out  of  the  oyster,  and  leaving  them  the  shell.* 

*  In  a  manuscript  record  of  the  province,  dated  1659,  Library  of  the 
New  York  Historical  Society,  is  the  following  mention  of  Indian  money  : 


NEW  COINAGE.  259 

It  was  a  long  time  before  William  the  Testy  was  made 
sensible  how  completely  his  grand  project  of  finance  was 
turned  against  him  by  his  eastern  neighbors ;  nor  would 
he  probably  have  ever  found  it  out,  had  not  tidings  been 
brought  him  that  the  Yankees  had  made  a  descent  upon 
Long  Island,  and  had  established  a  kind  of  mint  at  Oyster 
Bay,  where  they  were  coining  up  all  the  oyster-banks. 

Now  this  was  making  a  vital  attack  upon  the  province 
in  a  double  sense,  financial  and  gastronomical.  Ever  since 
the  council-dinner  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer  at  the  founding 
of  New  Amsterdam,  at  which  banquet  the  oyster  figured 
so  conspicuously,  this  divine  shell-fish  has  been  held  in  a 
kind  of  superstitious  reverence  at  the  Manhattoes;  an 
witness  the  temples  erected  to  its  cult  in  every  street  and 
lane  and  alley.  In  fact,  it  is  the  standard  luxury  of  tho 
place,  as  is  the  terrapin  at  Philadelphia,  the  soft  crab  at 
Baltimore,  or  the  canvas-back  at  Washington. 

The  seizure  of  Oyster  Bay,  therefore,  was  an  outrage 
not  merely  on  the  pockets,  but  the  larders  of  the  New 

"  Seawant  alias  wampum.  Beads  manufactured  from  the  Qualiaug  or 
wilk :  a  shell-fish  formerly  abounding  on  our  coasts,  but  lately  of  more 
rare  occurrence,  of  two  colors,  black  and  white  ;  the  former  twice  tho 
value  of  the  latter.  Six  beads  of  the  white  and  three  of  the  black  for  an 
English  penny.  The  seawant  depreciates  from  time  to  time.  The  New- 
England  people  make  use  of  it  as  a  means  of  barter,  not  only  to  carry  away 
the  best  cargoes  which  we  send  thither,  but  to  accumulate  a  large  quantity 
of  beavers  and  other  furs ;  by  which  the  company  is  defrauded  of  her  rev- 
enues, and  the  merchants  disappointed  in  making  returns  with  that  speed 
with  which  they  might  wish  to  meet  their  engagements  ;  while  their  com- 
missioners and  the  inhabitants  remain  overstocked  with  seawant, — a  sort 
of  currency  of  no  value  except  with  the  New  Netherland  savages,  &c." 


030  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

Ainsterdammers ;  the  whole  community  was  aroused,  and 
an  oyster  crusade  was  immediately  set  on  foot  against 
the  Yankees.  Every  stout  trencherman  hastened  to  the 
standard ;  nay,  some  of  the  most  corpulent  Burgomasters 
and  Schepens  joined  the  expedition  as  a  corps  de  reserve, 
only  to  be  called  into  action  Avhen  the  sacking  commenced. 

The  conduct  of  the  expedition  was  intrusted  to  a 
valiant  Dutchman,  who  for  size  and  weight  might  have 
matched  with  Colbrand  the  Danish  champion,  slain  by 
Guy  of  Warwick.  He  was  famous  throughout  the  prov- 
ince for  strength  of  arm  and  skill  at  quarter-staff,  and 
hence  was  named  Stoffel  Brinkerhoff,  or  rather  Brinker- 
hoofd,  that  is  to  say  Stoffel  the  head-breaker. 

This  sturdy  commander,  who  was  a  man  of  few  words 
but  vigorous  deeds,  led  his  troops  resolutely  on  through 
Nineveh,  and  Babylon,  and  Jericho,  and  Patch-hog,  and 
other  Long  Island  towns,  without  encountering  any  diffi- 
culty of  note  ;  though  it  is  said  that  some  of  the  burgo- 
masters gave  out  at  Hardscramble  Hill  and  Hungry  Hol- 
low, and  that  others  lost  heart  and  turned  back  at  Puss- 
panick.  With  the  rest  he  made  good  his  march  until  he 
arrived  in  the  neighborhood  of  Oyster  Bay. 

Here  he  was  encountered  by  a  host  of  Yankee  war- 
riors, headed  by  Preserved  Fish,  and  Habakkuk  Nutter, 
and  Keturn  Strong,  and  Zerubbabel  Fisk,  and  Deter- 
mined Cock !  at  the  sound  of  whose  names  Stoffel  Brin- 
kerhoff verily  believed  the  whole  parliament  of  Praise- 
God  Barebones  had  been  let  loose  upon  him.  He  soon 


STOFFEL  BRINKERIIOF:?.  261 

found,  however,  that  they  were  merely  the  "  selectmen  " 
of  the  settlement,  armed  with  no  weapon  but  the  tongue, 
and  disposed  only  to  meet  him  on  the  field  of  argument. 
Stoffel  had  but  one  mode  of  arguing,  that  was.  with  the 
cudgel ;  but  he  used  it  with  such  effect  that  he  routed  his 
antagonists,  broke  up  the  settlement,  and  would  have 
driven  the  inhabitants  into  the  sea  if  they  had  not  man- 
aged to  escape  across  the  Sound  to  the  mainland  by  the 
Devil's  stepping-stones,  which  remain  to  this  day  monu- 
ments of  this  great  Dutch  victory  over  the  Yankees. 

Stoffel  Brinkerhoff  made  great  spoil  of  oysters  and 
clams,  coined  and  uncoined,  and  then  set  out  on  his  re- 
turn to  the  Manhattoes.  A  grand  triumph,  after  the 
mariner  of  the  ancients,  was  prepared  for  him  by  William 
the  Testy.  He  entered  new  Amsterdam  as  a  conqueror, 
mounted  on  a  Narraganset  pacer.  Five  dried  codfish  on 
poles,  standards  taken  from  the  enemy,  were  borne  be- 
fore him,  and  an  immense  store  of  oysters  and  clams, 
Weathersfield  onions,  and  Yankee  "  notions  "  formed  the 
spolia  opima  ;  while  several  coiners  of  oyster-shells  were 
led  captive  to  grace  the  hero's  triumph. 

The  procession  was  accompanied  by  a  full  band  of 
boys  and  negroes,  performing  on  the  popular  instruments 
of  rattle-bones  and  clam-shells,  while  Antony  Van  Cor- 
lear  sounded  his  trumpet  from  the  ramparts. 

A  great  banquet  was  served  up  in  the  stadt-house  from 
tho  clams  and  oysters  taken  from  the  enemy  ;  while  the 
governor  sent  the  shells  privately  to  the  mint,  and  had 


262  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

them  coined  into  Indian  money,  with  which  he  paid  his 
troops. 

It  is  moreover  said  that  the  governor,  calling  to  mind 
the  practice  among  the  ancients  to  honor  their  victori- 
ous general  with  public  statues,  passed  a  magnanimous 
decree,  by  which  every  tavern-keeper  was  permitted  to 
paint  the  head  of  Stoffel  Brmkerhoff  upon  his  sign! 


CHAPTEE  VH. 


GROWING  DISCONTENTS  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM   UNDER  THE  GOVERNMENT  OF  WIL- 
LIAM THE  TESTY. 


T  has  been  remarked  by  the  observant  writer  of 
the  Stuyvesant  manuscript,  that  under  the  ad- 
ministration of  William  Kieft  the  disposition  of 
the  inhabitants  of  New  Amsterdam  experienced  an  es- 
sential change,  so  that  they  became  very  meddlesome 
and  factious.  The  unfortunate  propensity  of  the  little 
governor  to  experiment  and  innovation,  and  the  frequent 
exacerbations  of  his  temper,  kept  his  council  in  a  con- 
tinual worry ;  and  the  council  being  to  the  people  at  large 
what  yeast  or  leaven  is  to  a  batch,  they  threw  the  whole 
community  in  a  ferment ;  and  the  people  at  large  being 
to  the  city  what  the  mind  is  to  the  body,  the  unhappy 
commotions  they  underwent  operated  most  disastrously 
upon  New  Amsterdam, — insomuch  that,  in  certain  of  their 
paroxysms  of  consternation  and  perplexity,  they  begat 
several  of  the  most  crooked,  distorted,  and  abominable 
streets,  lanes,  and  alleys,  with  which  this  metropolis  is 
disfigured. 

The  fact  was,  that  about  this  time  the  community,  like 

263 


264  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK, 

Balaam's  ass,  began  to  grow  more  enlightened  than  its 
rider,  and  to  show  a  disposition  for  what  is  called  "  self- 
government."  This  restive  propensity  was  first  evinced 
in  certain  popular  meetings,  in  which  the  burghers  of 
New  Amsterdam  met  to  talk  and  smoke  over  the  compli- 
cated affairs  of  the  province,  gradually  obfuscating  them- 
selves with  politics  and  tobacco-smoke.  Hither  resorted 
those  idlers  and  squires  of  low  degree  who  hang  loose  on 
society  and  are  blown  about  by  every  wind  of  doctrine. 
Cobblers  abandoned  their  stalls  to  give  lessons  on  politi- 
cal economy;  blacksmiths  suffered  their  fires  to  go  out 
while  they  stirred  up  the  fires  of  faction;  and  even 
tailors,  though  said  to  be  the  ninth  parts  of  humanity, 
neglected  their  own  measures  to  criticize  the  measures  of 
government. 

Strange  !  that  the  science  of  government,  which  seems 
to  be  so  generally  understood,  should  invariably  be  de- 
nied to  the  only  one  called  upon  to  exercise  it.  Not  one 
of  the  politicians  in  question,  but,  take  his  word  for  it, 
could  have  administered  affairs  ten  times  better  than 
William  the  Testy. 

Under  the  instructions  of  these  political  oracles  the 
good  people  of  New  Amsterdam  soon  became  exceedingly 
enlightened,  and,  as  a  matter  of  course,  exceedingly  dis- 
contented. They  gradually  found  out  the  fearful  error  in 
which  they  had  indulged,  of  thinking  themselves  the  hap- 
piest people  in  creation,  and  were  convinced  that,  all  cir- 
cumstances to  the  contrary  notwithstanding,  they  were 


POLITICAL  AGITATIONS,  265 

a  very  unhappy,  deluded,  and  consequently  ruined  peo- 
ple ! 

We  are  naturally  prone  to  discontent,  and  avaricious 
after  imaginary  causes  of  lamentation.  Like  lubberly 
monks  we  belabor  our  own  shoulders,  and  take  a  vast 
satisfaction  in  the  music  of  our  own  groans.  Nor  is  this 
»aid  by  way  of  paradox  ;  daily  experience  shows  the  truth 
of  these  observations.  It  is  almost  impossible  to  elevate 
the  spirits  of  a  man  groaning  under  ideal  calamities  ;  but 
nothing  is  easier  than  to  render  him  wretched,  though  on 
the  pinnacle  of  felicity ;  as  it  would  be  an  Herculean  task 
to  hoist  a  man  to  the  top  of  a  steeple,  though  the  merest 
child  could  topple  him  off  thence. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  these  popular  meet- 
ings were  generally  held  at  some  noted  tavern,  these  pub- 
lic edifices  possessing  what  in  modern  times  are  thought 
the  true  fountains  of  political  inspiration.  The  ancient 
Greeks  deliberated  upon  a  matter  when  drunk,  and  re- 
considered it  when  sober.  Mob-politicians  in  modern 
times  dislike  to  have  two  minds  upon  a  subject,  so  they 
both  deliberate  and  act  when  drunk;  by  this  means  a 
world  of  delay  is  spared;  and  as  it  is  universally  allowed 
that  a  man  when  drunk  sees  double,  it  follows  conclu- 
sively that  he  sees  twice  as  well  as  his  sober  neighbors. 


CHAPTER  ym. 

OP  THE  EDICT  OF  WILLIAM   THE   TESTY  AGAINST   TOBACCO — OF   THE  PIPE-PLOT, 
AND   THE   RISE   OF   FEUDS  AND   PARTIES. 

ILHELMUS  KIEFT,  as  has  already  been  ob- 
served, was  a  great  legislator  on  a  small  scale, 
and  had  a  microscopic  eye  in  public  affairs. 
He  had  been  greatly  annoyed  by  the  factious  meeting  of 
the  good  people  of  New  Amsterdam,  but,  observing  that 
on  these  occasions  the  pipe  was  ever  in  their  mouth,  he 
began  to  think  that  the  pipe  was  at  the  bottom  of  the 
affair,  and  that  there  was  some  mysterious  affinity  be- 
tween politics  and  tobacco-smoke.  Determined  to  strike 
at  the  root  of  the  evil,  he  began  forthwith  to  rail  at  to- 
bacco, as  a  noxious,  nauseous  weed,  filthy  in  all  its  uses ; 
and  as  to  smoking,  he  denounced  it  as  a  heavy  tax  upon 
the  public  pocket, — a  vast  consumer  of  time,  a  great  en- 
courager  of  idleness,  and  a  deadly  bane  to  the  prosperity 
and  morals  of  the  people.  Finally  he  issued  an  edict, 
prohibiting  the  smoking  of  tobacco  throughout  the  New 
Netherlands.  Ill-fated  Kieft !  Had  he  lived  in  the  pres- 
ent age  and  attempted  to  check  the  unbounded  license  of 
the  press,  he  could  not  have  struck  more  sorely  upon 
the  sensibilities  of  the  million.  The  pipe,  in  fact,  was 

266 


THE  PIPE-PLOT.  267 

the  great  organ  of  reflection  and  deliberation  of  the 
New  Netherlander.  It  was  his  constant  companion  and 
solace  :  was  he  gay,  he  smoked ;  was  he  sad,  he  smoked ; 
his  pipe  was  never  out  of  his  mouth  ;  it  was  a  part  of  his 
physiognomy;  without  it  his  best  friends  would  not 
know  him.  Take  away  his  pipe?  You  might  as  well 
take  away  his  nose  ! 

The  immediate  effect  of  the  edict  of  William  the  Testy 
was  a  popular  commotion.  A  vast  multitude,  armed  with 
pipes  and  tobacco-boxes,  and  an  immense  supply  of  am- 
munition, sat  themselves  down  before  the  governor's 
house,  and  fell  to  smoking  with  tremendous  violence. 
The  testy  William  issued  forth  like  a  wrathful  spider, 
demanding  the  reason  of  this  lawless  fumigation.  The 
sturdy  rioters  replied  by  lolling  back  in  their  seats,  and 
puffing  away  with  redoubled  fury,  raising  such  a  murky 
cloud  that  the  governor  was  fain  to  take  refuge  in  the 
interior  of  his  castle. 

A  long  negotiation  ensued  through  the  medium  of  An- 
tony the  Trumpeter.  The  governor  was  at  first  wrathful 
and  unyielding,  but  was  gradually  smoked  into  terms. 
He  concluded  by  permitting  the  smoking  of  tobacco,  but 
he  abolished  the  fair  long  pipes  used  in  the  days  of 
Wouter  Van  Twiller,  denoting  ease,  tranquillity,  and  so- 
briety of  deportment ;  these  he  condemned  as  incompati- 
ble with  the  despatch  of  business,  in  place  whereof  he 
substituted  little  captious  short  pipes,  two  inches  in 
length,  which,  he  observed,  could  be  stuck  in  one  corner 


2G8  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK, 

of  the  mouth,  or  tAvisted  in  the  hat-band,  and  would  never 
be  in  the  way.  Thus  ended  this  alarming  insurrection, 
which  was  long  known  by  the  name  of  The  Pipe-Plot, 
and  which,  it  has  been  somewhat  quaintly  observed,  did 
end,  like  most  plots  and  seditions,  in  mere  smoke. 

But  mark,  oh,  reader !  the  deplorable  evils  which  did 
afterwards  result.  The  smoke  of  these  villanous  little 
pipes,  continually  ascending  in  a  cloud  about  the  nose, 
penetrated  into  and  befogged  the  cerebellum,  dried  up 
all  the  kindly  moisture  of  the  brain,  and  rendered  the 
people  who  use  them  as  vaporish  and  testy  as  the  gov- 
ernor himself.  Nay,  what  is  worse,  from  being  goodly, 
burly,  sleek-conditioned  men,  they  became,  like  our 
Dutch  yeomanry  who  smoke  short  pipes,  a  lantern-jawed, 
smoke-dried,  leathern-hided  race. 

Nor  was  this  all.  From  this  fatal  schism  in  tobacco- 
pipes  we  may  date  the  rise  of  parties  in  the  Nieuw  Ne- 
derlandk  The  rich  and  self-important  burghers  who  had 
made  their  fortunes,  and  could  afford  to  be  lazy,  adhered 
to  the  ancient  fashion,  and  formed  a  kind  of  aristocracy 
known  as  the  Long  Pipes ;  while  the  lower  order,  adopt- 
ing the  reform  of  William  Kieft  as  more  convenient  in 
their  handicraft  employments,  were  branded  with  the 
plebeian  name  of  Short  Pipes. 

A.  third  party  sprang  up,  headed  by  the  descendants 
of  Bobert  Chewit,  the  companion  of  the  great  Hudson. 
These  discarded  pipes  altogether  and  took  to  chewing 
tobacco ;  hence  they  were  called  Quids, — an  appellation 


THE  ORIGIN  'OF  POLITICAL  PARTIES.  269 

since  given  to  those  political  mongrels,  wliicli  sometimes 
spring  up  between  two  great  parties,  as  a  mule  is  pro- 
duced between  a  horse  and  an  ass. 

And  here  I  would  note  the  great  benefit  of  party  dis- 
tinctions in  saving  the  people  at  large  the  trouble  of 
thinking.  Hesiod  divides  mankind  into  three  classes, — 
those  who  think  for  themselves,  those  who  think  as 
others  think,  and  those  who  do  not  think  at  all.  The 
second  class  comprises  the  great  mass  of  society ;  for 
most  people  require  a  set  creed  and  a  file-leader.  Hence 
the  origin  of  party  :  which  means  a  large  body  of  people, 
some  few  of  whom  think,  and  all  the  rest  talk.  The 
former  take  the  lead  and  discipline  the  latter ;  prescrib- 
ing what  they  must  say,  what  they  must  approve,  what 
they  must  hoot  at,  whom  they  must  support,  bat,  above 
all,  whom  they  must  hate ;  for  no  one  can  be  a  right  good 
partisan,  who  is  not  a  thorough-going  hater. 

The  enlightened  inhabitants  of  the  Manhattoes,  there- 
fore, being  divided  into  parties,  were  enabled  to  hate 
each  other  with  great  accuracy.  And  now  the  great  busi- 
ness of  politics  went  bravely  on,  the  long  pipes  and  short 
pipes  assembling  in  separate  beer-houses,  and  smoking 
at  each  other  with  implacable  vehemence,  to  the  great 
support  of  the  State  and  profit  of  the  tavern-keepers. 
Some,  indeed,  went  so  far  as  to  bespatter  their  adver- 
saries with  those  odoriferous  little  words  which  smell  so 
strong  in  the  Dutch  language,  believing,  like  true  poli- 
ticians, that  they  served  their  party,  and  glorified  them- 


270  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

selves  in  proportion  as  they  bewrayed  their  neighbors. 
But,  however  they  might  differ  among  themselves,  all 
parties  agreed  in  abusing  the  governor,  seeing  that  he 
was  not  a  governor  of  their  choice,  but  appointed  by 
others  to  rule  over  them. 

Unhappy  William  Kieft!  exclaims  the  sage  writer  of 
the  Stuyvesant  manuscript,  doomed  to  contend  with 
enemies  too  knowing  to  be  entrapped,  and  to  reign  over 
a  people  too  wise  to  be  governed.  All  his  foreign  expedi- 
tions were  baffled  and  set  at  naught  by  the  all-pervading 
Yankees ;  all  his  home  measures  were  canvassed  and  con- 
demned by  "  numerous  and  respectable  meetings "  of 
pot-house  politicians. 

In  the  multitude  of  counsellors,  we  are  told,  there  is 
safety  ;  but  the  multitude  of  counsellors  was  a  continual 
source  of  perplexity  to  William  Kieft.  With  a  tempera- 
ment as  hot  as  an  old  radish,  and  a  mind  subject  to  per- 
petual whirlwinds  and  tornadoes,  he  never  failed  to  get 
into  a  passion  with  every  one  who  undertook  to  advise 
him.  I  have  observed,  however,  that  your  passionate 
little  men,  like  small  boats  with  large  sails,  are  easily  up- 
set or  blown  out  of  their  course  ;  so  was  it  with  William 
the  Testy,  who  was  prone  to  be  carried  away  by  the  last 
piece  of  advice  blown  into  his  ear.  The  consequence 
was,  that,  though  a  projector  of  the  first  class,  yet  by 
continually  changing  his  projects  he  gave  none  a  fair 
trial ;  and  by  endeavoring  to  do  everything,  he  in  sober 
truth  did  nothing. 


WORRY  OF  THE  GOVERNOR.  271 

In  the  mean  time,  the  sovereign  people  got  into  the 
saddle,  showed  themselves,  as  usual,  unmerciful  riders ; 
spurring  on  the  little  governor  with  harangues  and  peti- 
tions, and  thwarting  him  with  memorials  and  reproaches, 
in  much  the  same  way  as  holiday  apprentices  manage  an 
unlucky  devil  of  a  hack-horse, — so  that  Wilhelnms  Kieft 
was  kept  at  a  worry  or  a  gallop  throughout  the  whole 
of  his  admiidatratioiu 


CHAPTEE  IX. 


OF  THE  FOLLT  OP  BEING  HAPPY  IN  TIME  OF  PROSPERITY — OP  TROUBLES  TO 
THE  SOUTH  BROUGHT  ON  BY  ANNEXATION — OF  THE  SECRET  EXPEDITION 
OF  JAN  JANSEN  ALPENDAM,  AND  HIS  MAGNIFICENT  REWARD. 


F  we  could  but  get  a  peep  at  the  tally  of  dame 
Fortune,  where  like  a  -vigilant  landlady  she 
chalks  up  the  debtor  and  creditor  accounts  of 
thoughtless  mortals,  we  should  find  that  every  good  is 
checked  off  by  an  evil,  and  that,  however  we  may  appar- 
ently revel  scot-free  for  a  season,  the  time  will  come  when 
we  must  ruefully  pay  off  the  reckoning.  Fortune  in  fact 
is  a  pestilent  shrew,  and  withal  an  inexorable  creditor ; 
and  though  for  a  time  she  may  be  all  smiles  and  courte- 
sies and  indulge  us  in  long  credits,  yet  sooner  or  later  she 
brings  up  her  arrears  with  a  vengeance,  and  washes  out 
her  scores  with  our  tears.  "  Since,"  says  good  old  Boe- 
tius,  "  no  man  can  retain  her  at  his  pleasure ;  what  are 
her  favors  but  sure  prognostications  of  approaching  trou- 
ble and  calamity  ?  " 

This  is  the  fundamental  maxim  of  that  sage  school  of 
philosophers,  the  croakers,  who  esteem  it  true  wisdom  to 
doubt  and  despond  when  other  men  rejoice,  well  knowing 
that  happiness  is  at  best  but  transient, — that,  the  higher 

272 


TROUBLE.  273 

one  is  elevated  on  the  seesaw  balance  of  fortune,  the 
lower  must  be  his  subsequent  depression, — that  he  who 
is  on  the  uppermost  round  of  a  ladder  has  most  to  suffer 
from  a  fall,  while  he  who  is  at  the  bottom  runs  very  little 
risk  of  breaking  his  neck  by  tumbling  to  the  top. 

Philosophical  readers  of  this  stamp  must  have  doubt- 
less indulged  in  dismal  forebodings  all  through  the  tran- 
quil reign  of  Walter  the  Doubter,  and  considered  it  what 
Dutch  seamen  call  a  weather-breeder.  They  will  not  be 
surprised,  therefore,  that  the  foul  weather  which  gathered 
during  his  days  should  now  be  rattling  from  all  quarters 
on  the  head  of  William  the  Testy. 

The  origin  of  some  of  these  troubles  may  be  traced 
quite  back  to  the  discoveries  and  annexations  of  Hans 
Keinier  Oothout,  the  explorer,  and  Wynant  Ten  Breeches, 
the  land-measurer,  made  in  the  twilight  days  of  Oloffe  the 
Dreamer ;  by  which  the  territories  of  the  Nieuw  Neder- 
lands  were  carried  far  to  the  south,  to  Delaware  river  and 
parts  beyond.  The  consequence  was,  many  disputes  and 
brawls  with  the  Indians,  which  now  and  then  reached  the 
drowsy  ears  of  Walter  the  Doubter  and  his  council,  like 
the  muttering  of  distant  thunder  from  behind  the  moun- 
tains, without,  however,  disturbing  their  repose.  It  was 
not  till  the  time  of  William  the  Testy  that  the  thunder- 
bolt reached  the  Manhattoes.  While  the  little  governor 
was  diligently  protecting  his  eastern  boundaries  from  the 
Yankees,  word  was  brought  him  of  the  irruption  of  a  va- 
grant colony  of  Swedes  in  the  south,  who  had  landed  on 
18 


274  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

the  bants  of  the  Delaware  and  displayed  the  banner  of 
that  redoubtable  virago  Queen  Christina,  and  taken  pos- 
session of  the  country  in  her  name.  These  had  been 
guided  in  their  expedition  by  one  Peter  Minuits,  or  Min- 
newits,  a  renegade  Dutchman,  formerly  in  the  service  of 
their  High  Mightinesses,  but  who  now  declared  himself 
governor  of  all  the  surrounding  country,  to  which  was 
given  the  name  of  the  province  of  NEW  SWEDEN. 

It  is  an  old  saying  that  "a  little  pot  is  soon  hot,"  which 
was  the  case  with  William  the  Testy.  Being  a  little  man, 
he  was  soon  in  a  passion,  and  once  in  a  passion,  he  soon 
boiled  over.  Summoning  his  council  on  the  receipt  of 
this  news,  he  belabored  the  Swedes  in  the  longest  speech 
that  had  been  heard  in  the  colony  since  the  wrordy  war- 
fare of  Ten  Breeches  and  Tough  Breeches.  Having  thus 
taken  off  the  fire-edge  of  his  valor,  he  resorted  to  his  fa- 
vorite measure  of  proclamation,  and  despatched  a  docu- 
ment of  the  kind,  ordering  the  renegade  Minnewits  and 
his  gang  of  Swedish  vagabonds  to  leave  the  country  im- 
mediately, under  pain  of  the  vengeance  of  their  High 
Mightinesses  the  Lords  States  General,  and  of  the  poten- 
tates of  the  Manhattoes. 

This  strong  measure  was  not  a  whit  more  effectual  than 
its  predecessors,  which  had  been  thundered  against  the 
Yankees ;  and  William  Kieft  was  preparing  to  follow  it 
up  with  something  still  more  formidable,  when  he  re- 
ceived intelligence  of  other  invaders  on  his  southern 
frontier,  who  had  taken  possession  of  the  banks  of  the 


JAN  JANSEN  ALPENDAM.  275 

Schuylkill,  and  built  a  fort  there.  They  were  represented 
as  a  gigantic,  gunpowder  race  of  men,  exceedingly  expert 
at  boxing,  biting,  gouging,  and  other  branches  of  the 
rough-and-tumble  mode  of  warfare,  which  they  had 
learned  from  their  prototypes  e-nd  cousins-german,  the 
Virginians,  to  whom  they  have  ever  borne  considerable 
resemblance.  Like  them,  too,  they  were  great  roisters, 
much  given  to  revel  on  hoe-cake  and  bacon,  mint-julep 
and  apple-toddy ;  whence  their  newly  formed  colony  had 
already  acquired  the  name  of  Merryland,  which,  with  a 
slight  modification,  it  retains  to  the  present  day. 

In  fact,  the  Merrylanders  and  their  cousins,  the  Vir- 
ginians, were  represented  to  William  Kieft  as  offsets  from 
the  same  original  stock  as  his  bitter  enemies  the  Yano- 
kie,  or  Yankee  tribes  of  the  east,  having  both  come  over 
to  this  country  for  the  liberty  of  conscience,  or,  in  other 
words,  to  live  as  they  pleased  :  the  Yankees  taking  to 
praying  and  money-making,  and  converting  quakers  ;  and 
the  Southerners  to  horse-racing  and  cock-fighting,  and 
breeding  negroes. 

Against  these  new  invaders  "Wilhelmus  Kieft  immedi- 
ately despatched  a  naval  armament  of  two  sloops  and 
thirty  men,  under  Jan  Jansen  Alpendam,  who  was  armed 
to  the  very  teeth  with  one  of  the  little  governor's  most 
powerful  speeches,  written  in  vigorous  Low  Dutch. 

Admiral  Alpendam  arrived  without  accident  in  the 
Schuylkill,  and  came  upon  the  enemy  just  as  they  were 
engaged  in  a  great  "barbecue,"  a  kind  of  festivity  or 


276  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

carouse  much  practised  in  Merryland.  Opening  upon 
them  with  the  speech  of  William  the  Testy,  he  denounced 
them  as  a  pack  of  lazy,  canting,  julep-tippling,  cock- 
fighting,  horse-racing,  slave-trading,  tavern-hunting,  Sab- 
bath-breaking, mulatto-breeding  upstarts,  and  concluded 
by  ordering  them  to  evacuate  the  country  immediately : 
to  which  they  laconically  replied  in  plain  English, 
"  they'd  see  him  d— d  first !  " 

Now,  this  was  a  reply  on  which  neither  Jan  Jansen 
Alpendam  nor  Wilhelmus  Kieft  had  made  any  calcula- 
tion. Finding  himself,  therefore,  totally  unprepared  to 
answer  so  terrible  a  rebuff  with  suitable  hostility,  the 
admiral  concluded  his  wisest  course  would  be  to  return 
home  and  report  progress.  He  accordingly  steered  his 
course  back  to  New  Amsterdam,  where  he  arrived  safe, 
having  accomplished  this  hazardous  enterprise  at  small 
expense  of  treasure  and  no  loss  of  life.  His  saving  policy 
gained  him  the  universal  appellation  of  the  Saviour  of 
his  Country  ;  and  his  services  were  suitably  rewarded  by 
a  shingle  monument,  erected  by  subscription  on  the  top 
of  Flattenbarrack  Hill,  where  it  immortalized  his  name 
for  three  whole  years,  when  it  fell  to  pieces  and  was 
burnt  for  firewood. 


CHAPTER  X. 


TROUBLOUS  TIMES  ON  THE  HUDSON — HOW  KILLIAN  VAN  RENSELLAER  ERECTED 
A  FEUDAL,  CASTLE,  AND  HOW  HE  INTRODUCED  CLUB-LAW  INTO  THE  PROV- 
INCE. 


BOUT  this  time  the  testy  little  governor  of 
the  New  Netherlands  appears  to  have  had  his 
hands  full,  and  with  one  annoyance  and  the 
other  to  have  been  kept  continually  on  the  bounce.  He 
was  on  the  very  point  of  following  up  the  expedition 
of  Jan  Jansen  Alpendam  by  some  belligerent  measures 
against  the  marauders  of  Merryland,  when  his  attention 
was  suddenly  called  away  by  belligerent  troubles  spring- 
ing up  in  another  quarter,  the  seeds  of  which  had  been 
sown  in  the  tranquil  days  of  Walter  the  Doubter. 

The  reader  will  recollect  the  deep  doubt  into  which 
that  most  pacific  governor  was  thrown  on  Killian  Yan 
Kensellaer's  taking  possession  of  Beam  Island  by  wapen 
recht.  While  the  governor  doubted  and  did  nothing,  the 
lordly  Killian  went  on  to  complete  his  sturdy  little  castel- 
lum  of  Eensellaerstein,  and  to  garrison  it  with  a  number 
of  his  tenants  from  the  Helderberg,  a  mountain  region 
famous  for  the  hardest  heads  and  hardest  fists  in  the 
province.  Nicholas  Koorn,  a  faithful  squire  of  the  pa- 

277 


278  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORE. 

troon,  accustomed  to  strut  at  his  heels,  wear  his  cast-off 
clothes,  and  imitate  his  lofty  bearing,  was  established  in 
this  post  as  wacht-meester.  His  duty  it  was  to  keep  an 
eye  on  the  river,  and  oblige  every  vessel  that  passed, 
unless  on  the  service  of  their  High  Mightinesses,  to  strike 
its  flag,  lower  its  peak,  and  pay  toll  to  the  lord  of  Rensel- 
laerstein. 

This  assumption  of  sovereign  authority  within  the  ter- 
ritories of  the  Lords  States  General,  however  it  might 
have  been  tolerated  by  "Walter  the  Doubter,  had  been 
sharply  contested  by  "William  the  Testy  on  coming  into 
office;  and  many  written  remonstrances  had  been  ad- 
dressed by  him  to  Killian  Van  Eensellaer,  to  which  the 
latter  never  deigned  a  reply.  Thus,  by  degrees,  a  sore 
place,  or,  in  Hibernian  parlance,  a  raw,  had  been  estab- 
lished in  the  irritable  soul  of  the  little  governor,  inso- 
much that  he  winced  at  the  very  name  of  Rensellaerstein. 

Now  it  came  to  pass,  that,  on  a  fine  sunny  day,  the 
Company's  yacht,  the  Half-Moon,  having  been  on  one  of 
its  stated  visits  to  Fort  Aurania,  was  quietly  tiding  it 
down  the  Hudson.  The  commander,  Govert  Lockerman, 
a  veteran  Dutch  skipper  of  few  words  but  great  bottom, 
was  seated  on  the  high  poop,  quietly  smoking  his  pipe 
under  the  shadow  of  the  proud  flag  of  Orange,  when,  on 
arriving  abreast  of  Beam  Island,  he  was  saluted  by  a 
stentorian  voice  from  the  shore,  "Lower  thy  flag,  and  be 
d— dtothee!" 

Govert  Lockerman,  without  taking  his  pipe  out  of  his 


GOVERT  LOCKERMAN.  279 

mouth,  turned  up  his  eye  from  under  his  broad-brimmed 
hat  to  see  who  hailed  him  thus  discourteously.  There, 
on  the  ramparts  of  the  fort,  stood  Nicholas  Koorn,  armed 
to  the  teeth,  flourishing  a  brass-hilted  sword,  while  a 
steeple-crowned  hat  and  cock's  tail-feather,  formerly 
worn  by  Killian  Van  Rensellaer  himself,  gave  an  inexpres- 
sible loftiness  to  his  demeanor. 

Govert  Lockerman  eyed  the  warrior  from  top  to  toe, 
but  was  not  to  be  dismayed.  Taking  the  pipe  slowly  out 
of  his  mouth,  "To  whom  should  I  lower  my  flag?"  de- 
manded he.  "  To  the  high  and  mighty  Killian  Van  Ren- 
sellaer, the  lord  of  Rensellaerstein ! "  was  the  reply. 

"I  lower  it  to  none  but  the  Prince  of  Orange  and  my 
masters  the  Lords  States  General."  So  saying,  he  re- 
sumed his  pipe  and  smoked  with  an  air  of  dogged  deter- 
mination. 

Bang!  went  a  gun  from  the  fortress;  the  ball  cut  both 
sail  and  rigging.  Govert  Lockerman  said  nothing,  but 
smoked  the  more  doggedly. 

Bang!  went  another  gun;  the  shot  whistled  close 
astern. 

"Fire,  and  be  d — d,"  cried  Govert  Lockerman,  cram- 
ming a  new  charge  of  tobacco  into  his  pipe,  and  smoking 
with  still  increasing  vehemence. 

Bang!  went  a  third  gun.  The  shot  passed  over  his 
head,  tearing  a  hole  in  the  "princely  flag  of  Orange." 

This  was  the  hardest  trial  of  all  for  the  pride  and  pa- 
tience of  Govert  Lockerman.  He  maintained  a  stubborn, 


280  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

though  swelling  silence ;  but  his  smothered  rage  might  be 
perceived  by  the  short  vehement  puffs  of  smoke  emitted 
from  his  pipe,  by  which  he  might  be  tracked  for  miles,  as 
he  slowly  floated  out  of  shot  and  out  of  sight  of  Beam 
Island.  In  fact  he  never  gave  vent  to  his  passion  until  he 
got  fairly  among  the  highlands  of  the  Hudson;  when  he 
let  fly  whole  volleys  of  Dutch  oaths,  which  are  said  to 
linger  to  this  very  day  among  the  echoes  of  the  Dunder- 
berg,  and  to  give  particular  effect  to  the  thunder-storms 
in  that  neighborhood. 

It  was  the  sudden  apparition  of  Govert  Lockerman  at 
Dog's  Misery,  bearing  in  his  hand  the  tattered  flag  of 
Orange,  that  arrested  the  attention  of  William  the  Testy, 
just  as  he  was  devising  a  new  expedition  against  the 
marauders  of  Merryland.  I  will  not  pretend  to  describe 
the  passion  of  the  little  man  when  he  heard  of  the  out- 
rage of  Bensellaerstein.  Suffice  it  to  say,  in  the  first 
transports  of  his  fury,  he  turned  Dog's  Misery  topsy- 
turvy ;  kicked  every  cur  out  of  doors,  and  threw  the  cats 
out  of  the  window ;  after  which,  his  spleen  being  in  some 
measure  relieved,  he  went  into  a  council  of  war  with 
Govert  Lockerman,  the  skipper,  assisted  by  Antony  Yan 
Corlear,  the  Trumpeter. 


CHAPTER  XL 


OP  THK  DIPLOMATIC  MISSION  OF  ANTONY  THE  TRUMPETER  TO  THE  FORTRESS 
OF  RENSELLAERSTEIN —  AND  HOW  HE  WAS  PUZZLED  BY  A  CABALISTIC 
REPLY. 


HE  eyes  of  all  New  Amsterdam  were  now  turned 
to  see  what  would  be  the  end  of  this  direful 
feud  between  William  the  Testy  and  the  pa- 
troon  of  Rensellaerwick ;  and  some,  observing  the  con- 
sultations of  the  governor  with  the  skipper  and  the  trum- 
peter, predicted  warlike  measures  by  sea  and  land.  The 
wrath  of  William  Kieft,  however,  though  quick  to  rise, 
was  quick  to  evaporate.  He  was  a  perfect  brush-heap  in 
a  blaze,  snapping  and  crackling  for  a  time,  and  then  end- 
ing in  smoke.  Like  many  other  valiant  potentates,  his 
first  thoughts  were  all  for  war,  his  sober  second  thoughts 
for  diplomacy. 

Accordingly,  Govert  Lockerman  was  once  more  de- 
spatched up  the  river  in  the  Company's  yacht,  the  Goed 
Hoop,  bearing  Antony  the  Trumpeter  as  ambassador, 
to  treat  with  the  belligerent  powers  of  Rensellaerstein. 
In  the  fulness  of  time  the  yacht  "arrived  before  Beam 
Island,  and  Antony  the  Trumpeter,  mounting  the  poop, 

281 


282  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

sounded  a  parley  to  the  fortress.  In  a  little  while  the 
steeple-crowned  hat  of  Nicholas  Koorn,  the  wacht- 
meester,  rose  above  the  battlements,  followed  by  his 
iron  visage,  and  ultimately  his  whole  person,  armed, 
as  before,  to  the  very  teeth ;  while,  one  by  one,  a  whole 
row  of  Helderbergers  reared  their  round  burly  heads 
above  the  wall,  and  beside  each  pumpkin-head  peered 
tho  end  of  a  rusty  musket.  Nothing  daunted  by  this 
formidable  array,  Antony  Van  Corlear  drew  forth  and 
read  with  audible  voice  a  missive  from  William  the  Testy, 
protesting  against  the  usurpation  of  Beam  Island,  and 
ordering  the  garrison  to  quit  the  premises,  bag  and 
baggage,  on  pain  of  the  vengeance  of  the  potentate  of  the 
Manhattoes. 

In  reply,  the  wacht-meester  applied  the  thumb  of  his 
light  hand  to  the  end  of  his  nose,  and  the  thumb  of  his 
left  hand  to  the  little  finger  of  the  right,  and  spreading 
each  hand  like  a  fan,  made  an  aerial  flourish  with  his  fin- 
gers. Antony  Van  Corlear  was  sorely  perplexed  to  un- 
derstand this  sign,  which  seemed  to  him  something  mys- 
terious and  masonic.  Not  liking  to  betray  his  ignorance, 
he  again  read  with  a  loud  voice  the  missive  of  William 
the  Testy,  and  again  Nicholas  Koorn  applied  the  thumb 
of  his  right  hand  to  the  end  of  his  nose,  and  the  thumb  of 
his  left  hand  to  the  little  finger  of  the  right,  and  repeated 
this  kind  of  nasal  weather-cock.  Antony  Van  Corlear 
now  persuaded  himself  that  this  was  some  short-hand 
sign  or  symbol,  current  in  diplomacy,  which,  though  un- 


THE  MYSTIC  SIGN.  283 

intelligible  to  a  new  diplomat,  like  himself,  would  speak 
volumes  to  the  experienced  intellect  of  William  the  Testy ; 
considering  his  embassy  therefore  at  an  end,  he  sounded 
his  trumpet  with  great  complacency,  and  set  sail  on  his 
roturn  down  the  river,  every  now  and  then  practising  this 
mysterious  sign  of  the  wacht-meester,  to  keep  it  accu- 
rately in  mind. 

Arrived  at  New  Amsterdam  he  made  a  faithful  report 
of  his  embassy  to  the  governor,  accompanied  by  a  manual 
exhibition  of  the  response  of  Nicholas  Koorn.  The  gov- 
ernor was  equally  perplexed  with  his  embassy.  He  was 
deeply  versed  in  the  mysteries  of  freemasonry ;  but  they 
threw  no  light  on  the  matter.  He  knew  every  variety  of 
windmill  and  weather-cock,  but  was  not  a  whit  the  v/iser 
as  to  the  aerial  sign  in  question.  Ho'  had  even  dabbled 
in  Egyptian  hieroglyphics  and  the  mystic  symbols  of  the 
obelisks,  but  none  furnished  a  key  to  the  reply  of  Niche- 
las  Koorn.  He  called  a  meeting  of  his  council.  Antony 
Van  Corlear  stood  forth  in  the  midst,  and  putting  the 
thumb  of  his  right  hand  to  his  nose,  and  the  thumb  of  his 
left  hand  to  the  finger  of  the  right,  he  gave  a  faithful  fac- 
simile of  the  portentous  sign.  Having  a  nose  of  unusual 
dimensions,  it  was  as  if  the  reply  had  been  put  in  capi- 
tals ;  but  all  in  vain :  the  worthy  burgomasters  were 
equally  perplexed  with  the  governor.  Each  one  put  his 
thumb  to  the  end  of  his- nose,  spread  his  fingers  like  a 
fan,  imitated  the  motion  of  Antony  Yan  Corlear,  and  then 
smoked  in  dubious  silence.  (Several  times  wag  Antony 


284  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

obliged  to  stand  forth  like  a  fugleman  and  repeat  the 
sign,  and  each  time  a  circle  of  nasal  weather-cocks  might 
be  seen  in  the  council-chamber. 

Perplexed  in  the  extreme,  William  the  Testy  sent  for 
all  the  soothsayers,  and  fortune-tellers  and  wise  men  of 
the  Manhattoes,  but  none  could  interpret  the  mysterious 
reply  of  Nicholas  Koorn.  The  council  broke  up  in  sore 
perplexity.  The  matter  got  abroad,  and  Antony  Yan  Cor- 
lear  was  stopped  at  every  corner  to  repeat  the  signal  to  a 
knot  of  anxious  newsmongers,  each  of  whom  departed 
with  his  thumb  to  his  nose  and  his  fingers  in  the  air,  to 
carry  the  story  home  to  his  family.  For  several  days,  all 
business  was  neglected  in  New  Amsterdam  ;  nothing  was 
talked  of  but  the  diplomatic  mission  of  Antony  the  Trum- 
peter,— nothing  was  to  be  seen  but  knots  of  politicians 
with  their  thumbs  to  their  noses.  In  the  mean  time  the 
fierce  feud  between  William  the  Testy  and  Killian  Van 
Eensellaer,  which  at  first  had  menaced  deadly  warfare, 
gradually  cooled  off,  like  many  other  war-questions,  in 
the  prolonged  delays  of  diplomacy. 

Still  to  this  early  affair  of  Rensellaerstein  may  be 
traced  the  remote  origin  of  those  windy  wars  in  modern 
days  which  rage  in  the  bowels  of  the  Helderberg,  and 
have  wellnigh  shaken  the  great  patroonship  of  the  Yan 
Eensellaers  to  its  foundation;  for  we  are  told  that  the 
bully  boys  of  the  Helderberg,.  who  served  under  Nich- 
olas Koorn  the  wacht-meester,  carried  back  to  their 
mountains  the  hieroglyphic  sign  which  had  so  sorely 


THE  MYSTIC  SIGN.  285 

puzzled  Antony  Van  Corlear  and  the  sages  of  the  Man- 
hattoes ;  so  that  to  the  present  day  the  thumb  to  the 
nose  and  the  fingers  in  the  air  is  apt  to  be  the  r  jply  of 
the  Helderbergers  whenever  called  upon  for  any  long 
arrears  of  rent. 


CHAPTEE  XII. 


CONTAINING  THE  RISE  OF  THE  GREAT  AMPHICTYONIC  COUNCIL  OF  THE  PIL- 
GRIMS, WITH  THE  DECLINE  AND  FINAL  EXTINCTION  OF  WILLIAM  THE 
TESTY. 


T  was  asserted  by  the  wise  men  of  ancient  times, 
who  had  a  nearer  opportunity  of  ascertaining 
the  fact,  that  at  the  gate  of  Jupiter's  palace  lay 
two  huge  tuns,  one  filled  with  blessings,  the  other  with 
misfortunes  ;  and  it  would  verily  seem  as  if  the  latter  had 
been  completely  overturned  and  left  to  deluge  the  un- 
lucky province  of  Nieuw  Nederlands :  for  about  this  time, 
while  harassed  and  annoyed  from  the  south  and  the 
north,  incessant  forays  were  made  by  the  border-chivalry 
of  Connecticut  upon  the  pig-sties  and  hen-roosts  of  the 
Nederlanders.  Every  day  or  two  some  broad-bottomed 
express-rider,  covered  with  mud  and  mire,  would  come 
iloundering  into  the  gate  of  New  Amsterdam,  freighted 
with  some  new  tale  of  aggression  from  the  frontier ; 
whereupon  Antony  Yan  Corlear,  seizing  his  trumpet,  the 
only  substitute  for  a  newspaper  in  those  primitive  days, 
would  sound  the  tidings  from  the  ramparts  with  such 
doleful  notes  and  disastrous  cadence  as  to  throw  half  the 
old  women  in  the  city  into  hysterics ;  all  which  tended 

286 


NEW  ENGLAND  CONFEDERACY.  287 

greatly  to  increase  his  popularity ;  there  being  nothing 
for  which  the  public  are  more  grateful  than  being  fre- 
quently treated  to  a  panic, — a  secret  well  known  to  the 
modern  editors. 

But,  oh  ye  powers !  into  what  a  paroxysm  of  passion 
did  each  new  outrage  of  the  Yankees  throw  the  choleric 
little  governor !  Letter  after  letter,  protest  after  pro- 
test, bad  Latin,  worse  English,  and  hideous  Low  Dutch, 
were  incessantly  fulminated  upon  them,  and  the  four-and- 
twenty  letters  of  the  alphabet,  which  formed  his  stand- 
ing army,  were  worn  out  by  constant  campaigning.  All, 
however,  was  ineffectual ;  even  the  recent  victory  at 
Oyster  Bay,  which  had  shed  such  a  gleam  of  sunshine 
between  the  clouds  of  his  foul-weather  reign,  wSs  soon 
followed  by  a  more  fearful  gathering  up  of  those  clouds, 
and  indignations  of  more  portentous  tempest ;  for  the 
Yankee  tribe  on  the  banks  of  the  Connecticut,  finding  on 
this  memorable  occasion  their  incompetency  to  cope,  in 
fair  fight,  with  the  sturdy  chivalry  of  the  Manhattoes, 
had  called  to  their  aid  all  the  ten  tribes  of  their  brethren 
who  inhabit  the  east  country,  which  from  them  has  de- 
rived the  name  of  Yankee-land.  This  call  was  promptly 
responded  to.  The  consequence  was  a  great  confederacy 
of  the  tribes  of  Massachusetts,  Connecticut,  New  Ply- 
mouth, and  New  Haven,  under  the  title  of  the  "  United 
Colonies  of  New  England " ;  the  pretended  object  of 
which  was  mutual  defence  against  the  savages,  but  the 
real  object  the  subjugation  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlands. 


288  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

For,  to  let  the  reader  into  one  of  the  great  secrets  of 
history,  the  Nieuw  Nederlands  had  long  been  regarded 
by  the  whole  Yankee  race  as  the  modern  land  of  promise, 
and  themselves  as  the  chosen  and  peculiar  people  des- 
tined, one  day  or  other,  by  hook  or  by  crook,  to  get  pos- 
session of  it.  In  truth,  they  are  a  wonderful  and  all- 
prevalent  people,  of  that  class  who  only  require  an  inch 
to  gain  an  ell,  or  a  halter  to  gain  a  horse.  From  the  time 
they  first  gained  a  foothold  on  Plymouth  Rock,  they  be- 
gan to  migrate,  progressing  and  progressing  from  place 
to  place,  and  land  to  land,  making  a  little  here  and  a 
little  there,  and  controverting  the  old  proverb,  that  a 
rolling  stone  gathers  no  moss.  Hence  they  have  face- 
tiously*^ ceived  the  nickname  of  THE  PILGEIMS  :  that  is 
to  say,  a  people  who  are  always  seeking  a  better  country 
than  their  own. 

The  tidings  of  this  great  Yankee  league  struck  William 
Kieft  with  dismay,  and  for  once  in  his  life  lie  forgot  to 
bounce  on  receiving  a  disagreeable  piece  of  intelligence. 
In  fact,  on  turning  over  in  his  mind  all  that  he  had  read 
at  the  Hague  about  leagues  and  combinations,  he  found 
that  this  was  a  counterpart  of  the  Amphictyonic  league, 
by  which  the  states  of  Greece  attained  such  power  and 
supremacy  ;  and  the  very  idea  made  his  heart  quake  for 
the  safety  of  his  empire  at  the  Manhattoes. 

The  affairs  of  the  confederacy  were  managed  by  an  an- 
nual council  of  delegates  held  at  Boston,  which  Kieft  de- 
nominated the  Delphos  of  this  truly  classic  league.  The 


THE  END  OF  WILLIAM  THE  TE8TT.  289 

rery  first  meeting  gave  evidence  of  hostility  to  the  Nieuw 
Nederlanders,  who  were  charged,  in  their  dealings  with 
the  Indians,  with  carrying  on  a  traffic  in  "  guns,  powther 
and  shott, — a  trade  damnable  and  injurious  to  the  colo- 
nists." It  is  true  the  Connecticut  traders  were  fain  to 
dabble  a  little  in  this  damnable  traffic  ;  but  then  they  al- 
ways dealt  in  what  were  termed  Yankee  guns,  ingenious- 
ly calculated  to  burst  in  the  pagan  hands  which  used 
them. 

The  rise  of  this  potent  confederacy  was  a  death-blow 
to  the  glory  of  William  the  Testy,  for  from  that  day  for- 
ward he  never  held  up  his  head,  but  appeared  quite 
crestfallen.  It  is  true,  as  the  grand  council  augmented  in 
power,  and  the  league,  rolling  onward,  gathered  about 
the  red  hills  of  New  Haven,  threatening  to  overwhelm  the 
Nieuw  Nederlands,  he  continued  occasionally  to  fulmi- 
nate proclamations  and  protests,  as  a  shrewd  sea-captain 
fires  his  guns  into  a  water-spout ;  but  alas !  they  had  no 
more  effect  than  so  many  blank  cartridges. 

Thus  end  the  authenticated  chronicles  of  the  reign  of 
William  the  Testy ;  for  henceforth,  in  the  troubles,  per- 
plexities, and  confusion  of  the  times,  he  seems  to  have 
been  totally  overlooked,  and  to  have  slipped  forever 
through  the  fingers  of  scrupulous  history.  It  is  a  mat- 
ter of  deep  concern  that  such  obscurity  should  hang  over 
his  latter  days ;  for  he  was  in  truth  a  mighty  and  great- 
little  man,  and  worthy  of  being  utterly  renowned,  see- 
ing that  he  was  the  first  potentate  that  introduced  ink 
19 


290  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

tliis  land  the  art  of  fighting  by  proclamation,  and  defend- 
ing a  country  by  trumpeters  and  wind-mills. 

It  is  true,  that  certain  of  the  early  provincial  poets,  of 
whom  there  were  great  numbers  in  the  Nieuw  Neder- 
lands,  taking  advantage  of  his  mysterious  exit,  have 
fabled,  that,  like  Romulus,  he  was  translated  to  the  skies, 
and  forms  a  very  fiery  little  star,  somewhere  on  the  left 
claw  of  the  Crab  ;  while  others,  equally  fanciful,  declare 
that  he  had  experienced  a  fate  similar  to  that  of  the  good 
king  Arthur,  who,  we  are  assured  by  ancient  bards,  was 
carried  away  to  the  delicious  abodes  of  fairy-land,  where 
he  still  exists  in  pristine  worth  and  vigor,  and  will  one 
day  or  another  return  to  restore  the  gallantry,  the  honor, 
and  the  immaculate  probity,  which  prevailed  in  the  glori- 
ous days  of  the  Bound  Table.* 

All  these,  however,  are  but  pleasing  fantasies,  the  cob- 
web visions  of  those  dreaming  varlets,  the  poets,  to  which 
I  would  not  have  my  judicious  readers  attach  any  credi- 
bility. Neither  am  I  disposed  to  credit  an  ancient  and 
rather  apocryphal  historian,  who  asserts  that  the  ingeni- 
ous Wilhelmus  was  annihilated  by  the  blowing  down  of 

*  The  old  Welsh  bards  believed  that  King  Arthur  was  not  dead,  but 
carried  awaie  by  the  fairies  into  some  pleasant  place,  where  he  sholde  re- 
maine  for  a  time,  and  then  returne  againe  and  reigne  in  as  great  authority 
as  ever. — HOLLINSHED. 

The  Britons  suppose  that  he  shall  come  yet  and  conquere  all  Britaigne, 
for  certes,  this  is  the  prophicye  of  Merlyn— He  say'd  that  his  deth  shall 
be  doubteous  ;  and  said  soth  for  men  thereof  yet  have  doubte  and  shullen 
lor  ever  more— for  men  wyt  not  whether  that  he  lyveth  or  is  dede.— Da. 
LEEW,  CHROK, 


THE  TREASURE  OF  GOLD.  291 

one  of  Ills  wind-mills ;  nor  a  writer  of  latter  times,  who 
affirms  that  he  fell  a  victim  to  an  experiment  in  natural 
history,  having  the  misfortune  to  break  his  neck  from  a 
garret-window  of  the  stadthouse  in  attempting  to  catch 
swallows  by  sprinkling  salt  upon  their  tails.  Still  less  do 
I  put  my  faith  in  the  tradition  that  he  perished  at  sea  in 
conveying  home  to  Holland  a  treasure  of  golden  ore,  dis- 
covered somewhere  among  the  haunted  regions  of  the 
Catskill  mountains.* 


*  Diedrich  Knickerbocker,  in  his  scrupulous  search  after  truth,  is  some- 
times too  fastidious  in  regard  to  facts  which  border  a  little  on  the  mar- 
vellous. The  story  of  the  golden  ore  rests  on  something  better  than  mere 
tradition.  The  venerable  Adrian  Van  der  Donck,  Doctor  of  Laws,  in  his 
description  of  the  New  Netherlands,  asserts  it  from  his  own  observation 
as  an  eye-witness.  He  was  present,  he  says,  in  1G45,  at  a  treaty  between 
Governor  Kieft  and  the  Mohawk  Indians,  in  which  one  of  the  latter,  in 
painting  himself  for  the  ceremony,  used  a  pigment,  the  weight  and  shin- 
ing appearance  of  which  excited  the  curiosity  of  the  governor  and  Myn- 
heer Van  der  Donek.  They  obtained  a  lump,  and  gave  it  to  be  proved  by 
a  skilful  doctor  of  medicine,  Johannes  de  la  Montague,  one  of  the  coun- 
cillors of  the  New  Netherlands.  I<  was  put  into  a  crucible,  and  yielded 
two  pieces  of  gold,  worth  abnij  three  guilders.  All  this,  continues  Adrian 
Van  der  Donck,  was  kept  secret.  A  soon  as  peace  was  made  with  the 
Mohawks,  an  officer  and  a  few  men  wer-  sent  to  the  mountain,  (in  the 
region  of  the  Kaatskill,)  under  the  guidance  of  an  Indian,  to  search  for 
the  precious  mineral.  Thev  brought  back  a  bucket  full  of  ore  ;  which, 
being  submitted  to  the  crucible,  proved  as  productive  as  the  first.  Wil- 
liam Kieft  now  thought  the  disco, ery  certain.  He  sent  a  confidential 
person,  Arent  Corsen,  with  a  bag  full  of  the  mineral,  to  New  Haven,  to 
take  passage  in  an  English  ship  for  England,  thence  to  proceed  to  Hol- 
land. The  vessel  sailed  at  Christmas,  but  never  reached  her  port.  All 
on  board  perished. 

In  the  year  1647,  Wilhelmus  Kieft  himself  embarked  on  board  the 
Princess,  taking  with  him  specimens  of  the  supposed  mineral.  The  ship 
was  never  heard  of  more  I 


292  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

The  most  probable  account  declares,  that,  what  with  the 
constant  troubles  on  his  frontiers,  the  incessant  schem- 
ings  and  projects  going  on  in  his  own  pericranium,  the 
memorials,  petitions,  remonstrances,  and  sage  pieces  of 
advice  of  respectable  meetings  of  the  sovereign  people, 
and  the  refractory  disposition  of  his  councillors,  who 
were  sure  to  differ  from  him  on  every  point,  and  uniformly 
to  be  in  the  wrong,  his  mind  was  kept  in  a  furnace-heat, 
until  he  became  as  completely  burnt  out  as  a  Dutch 
family-pipe  which  has  passed  through  three  generations 
of  hard  smokers.  In  this  manner  did  he  undergo  a  kind 
of  animal  combustion,  consuming  away  like  a  farthing 
rush-light :  so  that  when  grim  death  finally  snuffed  him 
out,  there  was  scarce  left  enough  of  him  to  bury ! 

Some  have  supposed  that  the  mineral  in  question  was  not  gold,  but  py- 
rites ;  but  we  have  the  assertion  of  Adrian  Van  der  Donck,  an  eye-wit- 
ness, and  the  experiment  of  Johannes  de  la  Montagne,  a  learned  doctor  of 
medicine,  on  the  golden  side  of  the  question.  Cornelius  Van  Tienhooven, 
also,  at  that  time  secretary  of  the  New  Netherlands,  declared  in  Holland 
that  he  had  tested  several  specimens  of  the  mineral,  which  proved  satis- 
factory.* 

It  would  appear,  however,  that  these  golden  treasures  of  the  Kaatskill 
always  brought  ill  luck  :  as  is  evidenced  in  the  fate  of  Arent  Corsen  and 
Wilhelmus  Kieft,  and  the  wreck  of  the  ships  in  which  they  attempted  to 
convey  the  treasure  across  the  ocean.  The  golden  mines  have  never  since 
been  explored,  but  remain  among  the  mysteries  of  the  Kaatskill  moun- 
tains, and  under  the  protection  of  the  goblins  which  haunt  them. 

*  See  Van  der  Donck's  "  Description  of  the  New  Netherlands. "  Collect.  New  York 
Hist.  Society,  Vol.  I.  p.  101. 


BOOK  Y. 


CONTAINING  TEE    FIRST   PART   OF    THE    KEIGN    OF    PETER   STUYVESANT,   AND 
HIS   TROUBLES   WITH   THE  AMPHICTYONIC   COUNCIL. 


CHAPTEE  I. 


IN  WHICH  THE  DEATH  OF  A  GREAT  MAN  IS  SHOWN  TO  BE  NO  VERT  INCONSOL- 
ABLE MATTER  OF  SORROW  —  AND  HOW  PETER  STUYVESANT  ACQUIRED  A 
GREAT  NAME  FROM  THE  UNCOMMON  STRENGTH  OF  HIS  HEAD. 

a  profound  philosopher  like  myself,  who  am 
apt  to  see  clear  through  a  subject,  where  the 
penetration  of  ordinary  people  extends  but  half- 
way, there  is  no  fact  more  simple  and  manifest  than  that 
the  death  of  a  great  man  is  a  matter  of  very  little  impor- 
tance. Much  as  we  may  think  of  ourselves,  and  much  as 
•we  may  excite  the  empty  plaudits  of  the  million,  it  is 
certain  that  the  greatest  among  us  do  actually  fill  but  an 

293 


294:  HISTORY  OF  NEVS  YORK. 

exceeding  small  space  in  the  world;  and  it  is  equally 
certain,  that  even  that  small  space  is  quickly  supplied 
when  we  leave  it  vacant.  "  Of  what  consequence  is  it," 
said  Pliny,  "  that  individuals  appear,  or  make  their  exit  ? 
the  world  is  a  theatre  whose  scenes  and  actors  are  con- 
tinually changing."  Never  did  philosopher  speak  more 
correctly ;  and  I  only  wonder  that  so  wise  a  remark  could 
have  existed  so  many  ages,  and  mankind  not  have  laid  it 
more  to  heart.  Sage  follows  on  in  the  footsteps  of  sage ; 
one  hero  just  steps  out  of  his  triumphal  car,  to  make  way 
for  the  hero  who  conies  after  him  ;  and  of  the  proudest 
monarch  it  is  merely  said,  that  "  he  slept  with  his  fathers, 
and  his  successor  reigned  in  his  stead." 

The  world,  to  tell  the  private  truth,  cares  but  little  for 
their  loss,  and  if  left  to  itself  would  soon  forget  to  grieve ; 
and  though  a  nation  has  often  been  figuratively  droAvned 
in  tears  on  the  death  of  a  great  man,  yet  it  is  ten  to  one 
if  an  individual  tear  has  been  shed  on  the  occasion,  ex- 
cepting from  the  forlorn  pen  of  some  hungry  author.  It 
is  the  historian,  the  biographer,  and  the  poet,  who  have 
the  whole  burden  of  grief  to  sustain, — who — kind  souls! 
—  like  undertakers  in  England,  act  the  part  of  chief 
mourners, — who  inflate  a  nation  with  sighs  it  never 
heaved,  and  deluge  it  with  tears  it  never  dreamt  of  shed- 
ding. Thus,  while  the  patriotic  author  is  weeping  and 
howling,  in  prose,  in  blank  verse,  and  in  rhyme,  and  col- 
lecting the  drops  of  public  sorrow  into  his  volume,  as  into 
a  lachrymal  vase,  it  is  more  than  probable  his  fellow- 


THE  CITY  MOURNS  NOT  FOR  K1EFT.  295 

citizens  are  eating  and  drinking,  fiddling  and  dancing,  as 
utterly  ignorant  of  the  bitter  lamentations  made  in  their 
name  as  are  those  men  of  straw,  John  Doe  and  Richard 
Roe,  of  the  plaintiffs  for  whom  they  are  generously  pleas- 
ed to  become  sureties. 

The  most  glorious  hero  that  ever  desolated  nations 
might  have  mouldered  into  oblivion  among  the  rubbish 
of  his  own  monument,  did  not  some  historian  take  him 
into  favor,  and  benevolently  transmit  his  name  to  poster- 
ity ;  and  much  as  the  valiant  William  Kieft  worried,  and 
bustled,  and  turmoiled,  while  he  had  the  destinies  of  a 
whole  colony  in  his  hand,  I  question  seriously  whether 
he  will  not  be  obliged  to  this  authentic  history  for  all  his 
future  celebrity. 

His  exit  occasioned  no  convulsion  in  the  city  of  New 
Amsterdam  nor  its  vicinity :  the  earth  trembled  not, 
neither  did  any  stars  shoot  from  their  spheres ;  the  heav- 
ens were  not  shrouded  in  black,  as  poets  would  fain  per- 
suade us  they  have  been,  on  the  death  of  a  hero ;  the  rocks 
(hard-hearted  varlets !)  melted  not  into  tears,  nor  did  the 
trees  hang  their  heads  in  silent  sorrow;  and  as  to  the 
sun,  he  lay  abed  the  next  night  just  as  long,  and  showed 
as  jolly  a  face  when  he  rose  as  he  ever  did  on  the  same 
day  of  the  month  in  any  year,  either  before  or  since. 
The  good  people  of  New  Amsterdam,  one  and  all,  de- 
clared that  he  had  been  a  very  busy,  active,  bustling  lit- 
tle governor;  that  he  was  "the  father  of  his  country"; 
that  he  was  "the  noblest  work  of  God";  that  "he  was  a 


296  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

man,  take  him  for  all  in  all,  they  ne'er  should  look  upon 
his  like  again " ;  together  with  sundry  other  civil  and  af- 
fectionate speeches  regularly  said  on  the  death  of  all 
great  men :  after  which  they  smoked  their  pipes,  thought 
no  more  about  him,  and  Peter  Stuyvesant  succeeded  to 
his  station. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  was  the  last,  and,  like  the  renowned 
Wouter  Van  Twiller,  the  best  of  our  ancient  Dutch  gov- 
ernors. Wouter  having  surpassed  all  who  preceded  him, 
and  Peter,  or  Piet,  as  he  was  sociably  called  by  the  old 
Dutch  burghers,  who  were  ever  prone  to  familiarize 
names,  having  never  been  equalled  by  any  successor.  He 
was  in  fact  the  very  man  fitted  by  nature  to  retrieve  the 
desperate  fortunes  of  her  beloved  province,  hau  not  the 
fates,  those  most  potent  and  unrelenting  of  all  ancient 
spinsters,  destined  them  to  inextricable  confusion. 

To  say  merely  that  he  was  a  hero,  would  be  doing  him 
great  injustice :  he  was  in  truth  a  combination  of  heroes ; 
for  he  was  of  a  sturdy,  raw-boned  make,  like  Ajax  Tela- 
mon,  with  a  pair  of  round  shoulders  that  Hercules  would 
have  given  his  hide  for  (meaning  his  lion's  hide)  when  he 
undertook  to  ease  old  Atlas  of  his  load.  He  was.  more- 
over, as  Plutarch  describes  Coriolanus,  not  only  terrible 
for  the  force  of  his  arm,  but  likewise  of  his  voice,  which 
sounded  as  though  it  came  out  of  a  barrel ;  and,  like  the 
self-same  warrior,  he  possessed  a  sovereign  contempt  for 
the  sovereign  people,  and  an  iron  aspect,  which  was 
enough  of  itself  to  make  the  very  bowels  of  his  adversa- 


PETER  STUYVESANT.  297 

lies  quake  with  terror  and  dismay.  All  this  martial  ex- 
cellency of  appearance  was  inexpressibly  heightened  by 
an  accidental  advantage,  with  which  I  am  surprised  that 
neither  Homer  nor  Virgil  have  graced  any  of  their  lie- 
roes.  This  was  nothing  less  than  a  wooden  leg,  which 
was  the  only  prize  he  had  gained  in  bravely  fighting  the 
battles  of  his  country,  but  of  which  he  was  so  proud,  that 
he  was  often  heard  to  declare  he  valued  it  more  than  all 
his  other  limbs  put  together;  indeed  so  highly  did  he 
esteem  it,  that  he  had  it  gallantly  enchased  and  relieved 
with  silver  devices,  which  caused  it  to  be  related  in  di- 
vers histories  and  legends  that  he  wore  a  silver  leg.* 

Like  that  choleric  warrior  Achilles,  he  was  somewhat 
subject  to  extempore  bursts  of  passion,  which  were  rather 
unpleasant  to  his  favorites  and  attendants,  whose  per- 
ceptions he  was  apt  to  quicken,  after  the  manner  of  his 
illustrious  imitator,  Peter  the  Great,  by  anointing  their 
shoulders  with  his  walking-staff. 

Though  I  cannot  find  that  he  had  read  Plato,  or  Aris- 
totle, or  Hobbes,  or  Bacon,  or  Algernon  Sydney,  or  Tom 
Paine,  yet  did  he  sometimes  manifest  a  shrewdness  and 
sagacity  in  his  measures,  that  one  would  hardly  expect 
from  a  man  who  did  not  know  Greek,  and  had  never 
studied  the  ancients.  True  it  is,  and  I  confess  it  with 
sorrow,  that  he  had  an  unreasonable  aversion  to  experi- 
ments, and  was  fond  of  governing  his  province  after  the 

*  Sec  the  histories  of  Masters  Josselyn  and  Blome. 


298  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

simplest  manner ;  but  then  he  contrived  to  keep  it  in 
better  order  than  did  the  erudite  Kieft,  though  he  had  all 
the  philosophers,  ancient  and  modern,  to  assist  and  per- 
plex him.  I  must  likewise  own  that  he  made  but  very 
few  laws ;  but  then,  again,  he  took  care  that  those  few 
were  rigidly  and  impartially  enforced ;  and  I  do  not  know 
but  justice,  on  the  whole,  was  as  well  administered  as  if 
there  had  been  volumes  of  sage  acts  and  statutes  yearly 
made,  and  daily  neglected  and  forgotten. 

He  was,  in  fact,  the  very  reverse  of  his  predecessors, 
being  neither  tranquil  and  inert,  like  Walter  the  Doubt- 
er, nor  restless  and  fidgeting,  like  William  the  Testy,— 
but  a  man,  or  rather  a  governor,  of  such  uncommon  ac- 
tivity and  decision  of  mind,  that  he  never  sought  nor  ac- 
cepted the  advice  of  others, — depending  bravely  upon 
his  single  head,  as  would  a  hero  of  yore  upon  his  single 
arm,  to  carry  him  through  all  difliculties  and  dangers. 
To  tell  the  simple  truth,  he  wanted  nothing  more  to  com- 
plete him  as  a  statesman  than  to  think  always  right ;  for 
no  one  can  say  but  that  he  always  acted  as  he  thought. 
He  was  never  a  man  to  flinch  when  he  found  himself  in 
a  scrape,  but  to  dash  forward  through  thick  and  thin, 
trusting,  by  hook  or  by  crook,  to  make  all  things  straight 
in  the  end.  In  a  word,  he  possessed,  in  an  eminent  de- 
gree, that  great  quality  in  a  statesman,  called  persever- 
ance by  the  polite,  but  nicknamed  obstinacy  by  the  vul- 
gar,— a  wonderful  salve  for  official  blunders,  since  he  who 
perseveres  in  error  without  flinching  gets  the  credit  of 


WINDY  FRIDAY.  299 

boldness  and  consistency,  while  he  who  wavers  in  seek- 
ing to  do  what  is  right  gets  stigmatized  as  a  trimmer. 
This  much  is  certain ;  and  it  is  a  maxim  well  worthy  the 
attention  of  all  legislators,  great  and  small,  who  stand 
shaking  in  the  wind,  irresolute  which  way  to  steer,  that  a 
ruler  who  follows  his  own  will  pleases  himself,  while-  ho 
who  seeks  to  satisfy  the  wishes  and  whims  of  others  runs 
great  risk  of  pleasing  nobody.  There  is  nothing,  too, 
like  putting  down  one's  foot  resolutely  when  in  doubt, 
and  letting  things  take  their  course.  The  clock  that 
stands  still  points  right  twice  in  the  four-and-twenty 
hours,  while  others  may  keep  going  continually  and  bo 
continually  going  wrong. 

Nor  did  this  magnanimous  quality  escape  the  discern- 
ment of  the  good  people  of  Nieuw  Nederlands ;  on  the 
contrary,  so  much  were  they  struck  with  the  independent 
will  and  vigorous  resolution  displayed  on  all  occasions 
by  their  new  governor,  that  they  universally  called  him 
Hard-Koppig  Piet,  or  Peter  the  Headstrong, — a  great 
compliment  to  the  strength  of  his  understanding. 

If,  from  all  that  I  have  said,  thou  dost  not  gather, 
worthy  reader,  that  Peter  Stuyvesant  was  a  tough,  sturdy, 
valiant,  weather-beaten,  mettlesome,  obstinate,  leathern- 
sided,  lion-hearted,  generous-spirited  old  governor,  either 
I  have  written  to  but  little  purpose,  or  thou  art  very  dull 
at  drawing  conclusions. 

This  most  excellent  governor  commenced  his  adminis- 
tration on  the  29th  of  May,  1647. — a  remarkably  stormy 


300  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

day,  distinguished  in  all  the  almanacs  of  the  time  which 
have  come  down  to  us  by  the  name  of  Windy  Friday.  As 
he  was  very  jealous  of  his  personal  and  official  dignity, 
he  was  inaugurated  into  office  with  great  ceremony, — the 
goodly  oaken  chair  of  the  renowned  "Wouter  Yan  Twiller 
being  carefully  preserved  for  such  occasions,  in  like  man- 
ner as  the  chair  and  stone  were  reverentially  preserved 
at  Schone,  in  Scotland,  for  the  coronation  of  the  Caledo- 
nian monarchs. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  the  tempestuous  state 
of  the  elements,  together  with  its  being  that  unlucky  day 
of  the  week  termed  "  hanging-day,"  did  not  fail  to  excite 
much  grave  speculation  and  divers  very  reasonable  ap- 
prehensions among  the  more  ancient  and  enlightened  in- 
habitants ;  and  several  of  the  sager  sex,  who  were  reputed 
to  be  net  a  little  skilled  in  the  mystery  of  astrology  and 
fortune-telling,  did  declare  outright  that  they  were  omens 
of  a  disastrous  administration ; — an  event  that  came  to  be 
lamentably  verified,  and  which  proves  beyond  dispute  the 
wisdom  of  attending  to  those  preternatural  intimations 
furnished  by  dreams  and  visions,  the  flying  of  birds,  fall- 
ing of  stones,  and  cackling  of  geese,  on  which  the  sages 
and  rulers  of  ancient  times  placed  such  reliance ;  or  to 
those  shooting  of  stars,  eclipses  of  the  moon,  howlings  of 
dogs,  and  flarings  of  candles,  carefully  noted  and  inter- 
preted by  the  oracular  sibyls  of  our  day, — who,  in  my 
humble  opinion,  are  the  legitimate  inheritors  and  pre 
servers  of  the  ancient  science  of  divination.  This  niuc" 


THE  IN  A  UO  URA  TION.  301 

is  certain,  that  Governor  Stuyvesant  succeeded  to  the 
chair  of  state  at  a  turbulent  period ;  when  foes  thronged 
and  threatened  from  without;  when  anarchy  and  stiff- 
necked  opposition  reigned  rampant  within;  when  the 
authority  of  their  High  Mightinesses  the  Lords  States 
General,  though  supported  by  economy  and  defended  by 
speeches,  protests,  and  proclamations,  yet  tottered  to  its 
very  centre ;  and  when  the  great  city  of  New  Amsterdam, 
though  fortified  by  flag-staffs,  trumpeters,  and  wind-mills, 
seemed,  like  some  fair  lady  of  easy  virtue,  to  lie  open  to 
attack,  and  ready  to  yield  to  the  first  invader. 


CHAPTEE  IL 


SHOWING  HOW  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG  BESTIRRED  HIMSELF  AMONG  THE 
RATS  AND  COBWEBS  OX  ENTERING  INTO  OFFICE— HIS  INTERVIEW  WITH 
ANTONY  THB  TRUMPETER,  AX.D  HIS  PERILOUS  MEDDLING  WITH  THE  CUR- 
RENCY. 


very  first  movements  of  the  great  Peter,  on 
taking  the  reins  of  government,  displayed  his 
magnanimity,  though  they  occasioned  not  a  lit- 
tle marvel  and  uneasiness  among  the  people  of  the  Man- 
hattoes.  Finding  himself  constantly  interrupted  by  the 
opposition,  and  annoyed  by  the  advice  of  his  privy  coun- 
cil, the  members  of  which  had  acquired  the  unreasonable 
habit  of  thinking  and  sppaking  for  themselves  during  the 
preceding  reign,  he  determined  at  once  to  put  a  stop  to 
such  grievous  abominations.  Scarcely,  therefore,  had  he 
entered  upon  his  authority,  than  he  turned  out  of  office 
all  the  meddlesome  spirits  of  the  factious  cabinet  of  Will- 
iam the  Testy ;  in  place  of  whom  he  chose  unto  himself 
counsellors  from  those  fat,  somniferous,  respectable  burgh- 
ers who  had  nourished  and  slumbered  under  the  easy 
reign  of  Walter  the  Doubter.  All  these  he  caused  to  be 
furnished  with  abundance  of  fair  long  pipes,  and  to  be 
regaled  with  frequent  corporation  dinners,  admonishing 

302 


PETER  AND  ANTONY.  303 

them  to  smoke,  and  eat,  and  sleep  for  the  good  of  the 
nation,  while  he  took  the  burden  of  government  upon  his 
own  shoulders — an  arrangement  to  which  they  all  gave 
hearty  acquiescence. 

Nor  did  he  stop  here,  but  made  a  hideous  rout  among 
the  inventions  and  expedients  of  his  learned  predecessor, 
— rooting  up  his  patent  gallows,  where  caitiff  vagabonds 
were  suspended  by  the  waistband, — demolishing  his  flag- 
staffs  and  wind-mills,  which,  like  mighty  giants,  guarded 
the  ramparts  of  New  Amsterdam, — pitching  to  the  duyvel 
whole  batteries  of  quaker  guns, — and,  in  a  word,  turning 
topsy-turvy  the  whole  philosophic,  economic,  and  wind- 
mill system  of  the  immortal  sage  of  Saardam. 

The  honest  folk  of  New  Amsterdam  began  to  quake 
now  for  the  fate  of  their  matchless  champion,  Antony  the 
Trumpeter,  who  had  acquired  prodigious  favor  in  the 
eyes  of  the  women,  by  means  of  his  whiskers  and  his 
trumpet.  Him  did  Peter  the  Headstrong  cause  to  be 
brought  into  his  presence,  and  eyeing  him  for  a  mo- 
ment from  head  to  foot,  with  a  countenance  that  would 
have  appalled  anything  else  than  a  sounder  of  brass, — 
"  Pr'ythee,  who  and  what  art  thou  ?  "  said  he.  "  Sire," 
replied  the  other,  in  no  wise  dismayed,  "for  my  name, 
it  is  Antony  Van  Corlear ;  for  my  parentage,  I  am  the 
son  of  my  mother;  for  my  profession,  I  am  champion 
and  garrison  of  this  great  city  of  New  Amsterdam."  "  I 
doubt  me  much,"  said  Peter  Stuyvesant,  "  that  thou  art 
some  scurvy  costard-monger  knave.  How  didst  thou  ac- 


304  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

quire  this  paramount  honor  and  dignity  ?  "  "  Marry,  sir," 
replied  the  other,  "like  many  a  great  man  before  me, 
simply  by  sounding  my  ovm  trumpet"  "Ay,  is  it  so?" 
quoth  the  governor ;  "  why,  then  let  us  have  a  relish  of 
thy  art."  "Whereupon  the  good  Antony  put  his  instru- 
ment to  his  lips,  and  sounded  a  charge  with  such  a  tre- 
mendous outset,  such  a  delectable  quaver,  and  such  a  tri- 
umphant cadence,  that  it  was  enough  to  make  one's  heart 
leap  out  of  one's  mouth  only  to  be  within  a  mile  of  it. 
Like  as  a  war-worn  charger,  grazing  in  peaceful  plains, 
starts  at  a  strain  of  martial  music,  pricks  up  his  ears,  and 
snorts,  and  paws,  and  kindles  at  the  noise,  so  did  the  he- 
roic Peter  joy  to  hear  the  clangor  of  the  trumpet ;  for  of 
him  might  truly  be  said,  what  was  recorded  of  the  re- 
nowned St.  George  of  England,  "  there  was  nothing  in  all 
the  world  that  more  rejoiced  his  heart  than  to  hear  the 
pleasant  sound  of  war,  and  see  the  soldiers  brandish  forth 
their  steeled  weapons."  Casting  his  eye  more  kindly, 
therefore,  upon  the  sturdy  Van  Corlear,  and  finding  him 
to  be  a  jovial  varlet,  shrewd  in  his  discourse,  yet  of  great 
discretion  and  immeasurable  wind,  he  straightway  con- 
ceived a  vast  kindness  for  him,  and  discharging  him  from 
the  troublesome  duty  of  garrisoning,  defending,  and 
alarming  the  city,  ever  after  retained  him  about  his  per- 
son, as  "his  chief  favorite,  confidential  envoy,  and  trusty 
squire.  Instead  of  disturbing  the  city  with  disastrous 
notes,  he  was  instructed  to  play  so  as  to  delight  the  gov- 
ernor while  at  his  repasts,  as  did  the  minstrels  of  yore 


TAMPERING    WITH  THE  CURRENCY.  305 

in  the  days  of  glorious  chivalry, — and  on  all  public  occa- 
sions to  rejoice  the  ears  of  the  people  with  warlike  mel- 
ody,— thereby  keeping  alive  a  noble  andmarfcial  spirit. 

But  the  measure  of  the  valiant  Peter  which  produced 
the  greatest  agitation  in  the  community,  was  his  laying 
his  hand  u^on  the  currency.  He  had  old-fashioned  no- 
tions in  favor  of  gold  and  silver,  which  he  considered  the 
true  standards  of  wealth  and  mediums  of  commerce ;  and 
one  of  his  first  edicts  was,  that  all  duties  to  government 
should  be  paid  in  those  precious  metals,  and  that  sea- 
want,  or  wampum,  should  no  longer  be  a  legal  tender. 

Here  was  a  blow  at  public  prosperity  !  All  those  who 
speculated  on  the  rise  and  fall  of  this  fluctuating  cur- 
rency, found  their  calling  at  an  end  ;  those,  too,  who  had 
hoarded  Indian  money  by  barrels  full,  found  their  capi- 
tal shrunk  in  amount ;  but,  above  all,  the  Yankee  traders, 
who  were  accustomed  to  flood  the  market  with  newly 
coined  oyster-shells,  and  to  abstract  Dutch  merchandise 
in  exchange,  were  loud-mouthed  in  decrying  this  "  tam- 
pering with  the  currency."  It  was  clipping  the  wings 
of  commerce ;  it  was  checking  the  development  of  pub- 
lic prosperity ;  trade  would  be  at  an  end ;  goods  would 
moulder  on  the  shelves  ;  grain  would  rot  in  the  granaries ; 
grass  would  grow  in  the  market-place.  In  a  word,  no 
one  who  has  not  heard  the  outcries  and  howlings  of  a 
modern  Tarshish,  at  any  check  upon  "  paper-money," 
can  have  any  idea  of  the  clamor  against  Peter  the  Head- 
strong, for  checking  the  circulation  of  oyster-shells. 
20 


306  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

In  fact,  trade  did  shrink  into  narrower  channels  ;  bui 
then  the  stream  was  deep  as  it  was  broad ;  the  honesi 
Dutchmen  sold  less  goods  ;  but  then  they  got  the  worth 
of  them,  either  in  silver  and  gold,  or  in  codfish,  tin  ware, 
apple-brandy,  Weathersfield  onions,  wooden  bowls,  and 
other  articles  of  Yankee  barter.  The  ingenious  people 
of  the  east,  however,  indemnified  themselves  another  way 
for  having  to  abandon  the  coinage  of  oyster-shells ;  for 
about  this  time  we  are  told  that  wooden  nutmegs  made 
their  first  appearance  in  New  Amsterdam,  to  the  great 
annoyance  of  the  Dutch  housewives. 

NOTE. 

From  a  manuscript  record  of  the  province  ;  Lib.  N.  Y.  Hist.  Society. 
— We  have  been  unable  to  render  your  inhabitants  wiser  and  prevent 
their  being  further  imposed  upon  than  to  declare  absolutely  and  peremp- 
torily that  henceforward  seawant  shall  be  bullion, — no£  longer  admis- 
sible in  trade,  without  any  value,  as  it  is  indeed.  So  that  every  one  may 
be  upon  his  guard  to  barter  no  longer  away  his  wares  and  merchandises 
for  these  bubbles, — at  least  not  to  accept  them  at  a  higher  rate,  or  in  a 
larger  quantity,  than  as  they  may  want  them  in  their  trade  with  the  sav- 


in this  way  your  English  [Yankee]  neighbors  shall  no  longer  be  enabled 
to  draw  the  best  wares  and  merchandises  1'rora  our  country  for  nothing, 
— the  beavers  and  furs  not  excepted.  This  has  indeed  long  since  been 
insufferable,  although  it  ought  chiefly  to  be  imputed  to  the  imprudent 
penuriousness  of  our  own  merchants  and  inhabitants,  who,  it  is  to  be 
hoped,  shall  through  the  abolition  of  this  seawant  become  wiser  and  more 
prudent. 

27th  January,  1662. 

Seawant  falls  into  disrepute ;  duties  to  be  paid  in  silver  coin. 


CHAPTEK  HI. 


HOW   THE  YANKEE  LEAGUE   WAXED   MORE  AND  MORE  POTENT  ;  AND  HOW  IT 
OUTWITTED  THE  GOOD  PETER   IX  TREATY-MAKING. 


OW  it  came  to  pass,  that,  while  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant  was  busy  regulating  the  internal  affairs  of 
his  domain,  the  great  Yankee  league,  which 
had  caused  such  tribulation  to  William  the  Testy,  con- 
tinued to  increase  in  extent  and  power.  The  grand  Am- 
phictyonic  council  of  the  league  was  held  at  Boston, 
where  it  spun  a  web,  which  threatened  to  link  within 
it  all  the  mighty  principalities  and  powers  of  the  east. 
The  object  proposed  by  this  formidable  combination 
was,  mutual  protection  and  defence  against  their  savage 
neighbors ;  but  all  the  world  knows  the  real  aim  was  to 
form  a  grand  crusade  against  the  Nieuw  Nederlands,  and 
to  get  possession  of  the  city  of  the  Manhattoes, — as  de- 
vout an  object  of  enterprise  and  ambition  to  the  Yankees 
as  was  ever  the  capture  of  Jerusalem  to  ancient  crusaders. 
In  the  very  year  following  the  inauguration  of  Gover- 
nor Stuyvesant,  a  grand  deputation  departed  from  the 
city  of  Providence  (famous  for  its  dusty  streets  and  beau- 
teous women)  in  behalf  of  the  plantation  of  Rhode.  Island, 
praying  to  be  admitted  into  the  league. 

307 


308  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

The  following  minute  of  this  deputation  appears  in  the 
ancient  records  of  the  council.* 

"Mr.  Will.  Cottington  and  Captain  Partridg  of  Khoode 
Island  presented  this  insewing  request  to  the  Commis- 
sioners in  wrighting — 

"  Our  request  and  motion  is  in  behalfe  of  Rhoode 
Hand,  that  wee  the  Ilanders  of  Roode-Iland  may  be  res- 
cauied  into  combination  with  all  the  united  colonyes 
of  New  England  in  a  firme  and  perpetual  league  of 
friendship  and  amity  of  ofence  and  defence,  mutuall  ad- 
vice and  succor  upon  all  just  occasions  for  our  mutuall 
safety  and  wellfaire,  etc.  WILL  COTTINGTON, 

"AUCXSANDEB   PARTRIDG." 

There  was  certainly  something  in  the  very  physiog- 
nomy of  this  document  that  might  well  inspire  apprehen- 
sion. The  name  of  Alexander,  however  misspelt,  has 
been  warlike  in  every  age  ;  and  though  its  fierceness  is  in 
some  measure  softened  by  being  coupled  with  the  gentle 
cognomen  of  Partridge,  still,  like  the  color  of  scarlet,  it 
bears  an  exceeding  great  resemblance  to  the  sound  of  a 
trumpet.  From  the  style  of  the  letter,  moreover,  and  the 
soldier-like  ignorance  of  orthography  displayed  by  the 
noble  Captain  Alicxsander  Partridg  in  spelling  his  own 
name,  we  may  picture  to  ourselves  this  mighty  man  of 
Rhodes,  strong  in  arms,  potent  in  the  field,  and  as  great 
a  scholar  as  though  he  had  been  educated  among  that 

*  Haz.  Col.  Stat.  Pap. 


THE  COUNCIL  AT  HARTFORD.  3Q9 

learned  people  of  Thrace,  who,  Aristotle  assures  us, 
could  not  count  beyond  the  number  four. 

The  result  of  this  great  Yankee  league  was  augmented 
audacity  on  the  part  of  the  moss-troopers  of  Connecticut, 
— pushing  their  encroachments  farther  and  farther  into 
the  territories  of  their  High  Mightinesses,  so  that  even 
the  inhabitants  of  New  Amsterdam  began  to  draw  short 
breath  and  to  find  themselves  exceedingly  cramped  for 
elbow-room. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  was  not  a  man  to  submit  quietly  to 
such  intrusions  ;  his  first  impulse  was  to  march  at  once  to 
the  frontier  and  kick  these  squatting  Yankees  out  of  the 
country ;  but,  bethinking  himself  in  time  that  he  was  now 
a  governor  and  legislator,  the  policy  of  the  statesman  for 
once  cooled  the  fire  of  the  old  soldier,  and  he  determined 
to  try  his  hand  at  negotiation.  A  correspondence  accord- 
ingly ensued  between  him  and  the  grand  council  of  the 
league ;  and  it  was  agreed  that  commissioners  from  either 
side  should  meet  at  Hartford,  to  settle  boundaries,  adjust 
grievances,  and  establish  a  "  perpetual  and  happy  geace." 

The  commissioners  on  the  part  of  the  Manhattoes  were 
chosen,  according  to  immemorial  usage  of  that  venerable 
metropolis,  from  among  the  "wisest  and  weightiest"  men 
of  the  community,  that  is  to  say,  men  with  the  oldest 
heads  and  heaviest  pockets.  Among  these  sages  the  vet- 
eran navigator,  Hans  Eeinier  Oothout,  who  had  made 
.such  extensive  discoveries  during  the  time  of  Oloffe  the 
Dreamer,  was  looked  up  to  as  an  oracle  in  all  matters  of 


310  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

the  kind ;  and  lie  was  ready  to  produce  the  very  spy- 
glass with  which  he  first  spied  the  mouth  of  the  Connec- 
ticut river  from  his  mast-head  •  and  all  the  world  knows 
the  discovery  of  the  mouth  of  a  river  gives  prior  right  to 
all  the  lands  drained  by  its  waters. 

It  was  with  feelings  of  pride  and  exultation  that  the 
good  people  of  the  Manhattoes  saw  two  of  the  richest  and 
most  ponderous  burghers  departing  on  this  embassy, — 
men  whose  word  on  'change  was  oracular,  and  in  whose 
presence  no  poor  man  ventured  to  appear  without  taking 
off  his  hat :  when  it  was  seen,  too,  that  the  veteran  Eeinier 
Oothout  accompanied  them  with  his  spy-glass  under  his 
arm,  all  the  old  men  and  old  women  predicted  that  men 
of  such  weight,  with  such  evidence,  would  leave  the  Yan- 
kees no  alternative  but  to  pack  up  their  tin  kettles  and 
wooden  wares,  put  wife  and  children  in  a  cart,  and  aban- 
don all  the  lands  of  their  High  Mightinesses,  on  which 
they  had  squatted. 

In  truth,  the  commissioners  sent  to  Hartford  by  the 
league  seemed  in  no  wise  calculated  to  compete  with  men 
of  such  capacity.  They  were  two  lean  Yankee  lawyers, 
litigious-looking  varlets,  and  evidently  men  of  no  sub- 
stance, since  they  had  no  rotundity  in  the  belt,  and  there 
was  no  jingling  of  money  in  their  pockets ;  it  is  true,  they 
had  longer  heads  than  the  Dutchmen ;  but  if  the  heads 
of  the  latter  were  flat  at  top,  they  were  broad  at  bottom, 
and  what  was  wanting  in  height  of  forehead  was  made  up 
by  a  double  chin. 


THE  RIVAL  SPY-GLASSES.  311 

The  negotiation  turned  as  usual  upon  the  good  old 
corner-stone  of  original  discovery, — according  to  the  prin- 
ciple that  he  who  first  sees  a  new  country  has  an  unques- 
tionable right  to  it.  This  being  admitted,  the  veteran 
Oothout,  at  a  concerted  signal,  stepped  forth  in  the  as- 
sembly with  the  identical  tarpauling  spy-glass  in  his 
hand,  with  which  he  had  discovered  the  mouth  of  the 
Connecticut,  while  the  worthy  Dutch  commissioners  loll- 
ed back  in  their  chairs,  secretly  chuckling  at  the  idea  of 
having  for  once  got  the  weather-gage  of  the  Yankees ;  but 
what  was  their  dismay  when  the  latter  produced  a  Nan- 
tucket  whaler  with  a  spy-glass  twice  as  long,  with  which 
he  discovered  the  whole  coast,  quite  down  to  the  Man- 
hattoes,  and  so  crooked,  that  he  had  spied  with  it  up  the 
whole  course  of  the  Connecticut  river.  This  principle 
pushed  home,  therefore,  the  Yankees  had  a  right  to  the 
whole  country  bordering  on  the  Sound ;  nay,  the  city  of 
New  Amsterdam  was  a  mere  Dutch  squatting-place  on 
their  territories. 

I  forbear  to  dwell  upon  the  confusion  of  the  worthy 
Dutch  commissioners  at  finding  their  main  pillar  of  proof 
thus  knocked  from  under  them  ;  neither  will  I  pretend  to 
describe  the  consternation  of  the  wise  men  at  the  Man- 
hattoes  when  they  learned  how  their  commissioner  had 
been  out-trumped  by  the  Yankees,  and  how  the  latter 
pretended  to  claim  to  the  very  gates  of  New  Amsterdam. 

Long  was  the  negotiation  protracted,  and  long  was  the 
public  mind  kept  in  a  state  of  anxiety.  There  are  two 


312  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

modes  of  settling  boundary  questions  when  the  claims  of 
the  opposite  are  irreconcilable.  One  is  by  an  appeal  to 
arms,  in  which  case  the  weakest  party  is  apt  to  lose  its 
right,  and  get  a  broken  head  into  the  bargain ;  the  other 
mode  is  by  compromise,  or  mutual  concession, —  that  is 
to  say,  one  party  cedes  half  of  its  claims,  and  the  other 
party  half  of  its  rights ;  he  who  grasps  most  gets  most, 
and  the  whole  is  pronounced  an  equitable  division,  "  per- 
fectly honorable  to  both  parties." 

The  latter  mode  was  adopted  in  the  present  instance. 
The  Yankees  gave  up  claims  to  vast  tracts  of  the  Nieuw 
Nederlands  which  they  had  never  seen,  and  all  right  to 
the  land  of  Manna-hata  and  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam, 
to  which  they  had  no  right  at  all ;  while  the  Dutch,  in 
return,  agreed  that  the  Yankees  should  retain  possession 
of  the  frontier  places  where  they  had  squatted,  and  of 
both  sides  of  the  Connecticut  river. 

When  the  news  of  this  treaty  arrived  at  New  Amster- 
dam, the  whole  city  was  in  an  uproar  of  exultation.  The 
old  women  rejoiced  that  there  was  to  be  no  war,  the  old 
men  that  their  cabbage-gardens  were  safe  from  invasion ; 
while  the  political  sages  pronounced  the  treaty  a  great 
triumph  over  the  Yankees,  considering  how  much  they 
had  claimed,  and  how  little  they  had  been  "fobbed  off 
with." 

And  now  my  worthy  reader  is,  doubtless,  like  the  great 
and  good  Peter,  congratulating  himself  with  the  idea  that 
his  feelings  will  no  longer  be  harassed  by  afflicting  details 


PETERS  ERROR.  313 

of  stolen  horses,  broken  heads,  impounded  hogs,  and  all 
the  other  catalogue  of  heart-rending  cruelties  that  dis- 
graced these  border  wars.  But  if  he  should  indulge  in 
such  expectations,  it  is  a  proof  that  he  is  but  little  versed 
in  the  paradoxical  ways  of  cabinets ;  to  convince  him  of 
which,  I  solicit  his  serious  attention  to  my  next  chapter, 
wherein  I  will  show  that  Peter  Stuyvesant  has  already 
committed  a  great  error  in  politics,  and,  by  effecting  a 
peace,  has  materially  hazarded  the  tranquillity  of  the 
province. 


CHAPTER  IT. 


CONTAINING     DIVERS    SPECULATIONS     ON    WAR     AND     NEGOTIATIONS — SHOWING 
THAT   A  TREATY   OP  PEACE   13   A   GREAT   NATIONAL   EVIL. 


|T  was  the  opinion  of  that  poetical  philosopher, 
Lucretius,  that  war  was  the  original  state  of 
man,  whom  he  described  as  being  primitively  a 
savage  beast  of  prey,  engaged  in  a  constant  state  of  hos- 
tility with  his  own  species,  and  that  this  ferocious  spirit 
was  tamed  and  ameliorated  by  society.  The  same  opin- 
ion has  been  advocated  by  Hobbes,*  nor  have  there  been 
wanting  many  other  philosophers  to  admit  and  defend. 

For  my  part,  though  prodigiously  fond  of  these  valua- 
ble speculations,  so  complimentary  to  human  nature,  yet, 
in  this  instance,  I  am  inclined  to  take  the  proposition  by 
halves,  believing  with  Horace,  t  that,  though  war  may 
have  been  originally  the  favorite  amusement  and  indus- 
trious employment  of  our  progenitors,  yet,  like  many 

*  Hobbes's  Leviathan.     Part  i.  ch.  IB. 

f  Quum  prorepserunt  primis  animalia  terris, 
Mutuum  ac  turpe  peeus,  glandem  atque  cubilia  propter, 
Unguibus  et  pugnis,  dein  f  ustibus,  atque  ita  porro 
Pugnabant  armis,  quae  post  fabricaverat  usus. 

HOB.  Sat.  L.  i.  S.  3. 


THE  GROWTH  OF  CONFLICT.  315 

other  excellent  habits,  so  far  from  being  ameliorated,  it 
lias  been  cultivated  and  confirmed  by  refinement  and  civ- 
ilization, and  increases  in  exact  proportion  as  we  ap- 
proach towards  that  state  of  perfection  which  is  the  ne 
plus  ultra  of  modern  philosophy. 

The  first  conflict  between  man  and  man  was  the  mere 
exertion  of  physical  force,  unaided  by  auxiliary  weapons ; 
his  arm  was  his  buckler,  his  fist  was  his  mace,  and  a  bro- 
ken head  the  catastrophe  of  his  encounters.  The  battle 
of  unassisted  strength  was  succeeded  by  the  more  rugged 
one  of  stones  and  clubs,  and  Avar  assumed  a  sanguinary 
aspect.  As  man  advanced  in  refinement,  as  his  faculties 
expanded,  and  as  his  sensibilities  became  more  exquisite, 
he  grew  rapidly  more  ingenious  and  experienced  in  the 
art  of  murdering  his  fellow-beings.  He  invented  a  thou- 
sand devices  to  defend  and  to  assault :  the  helmet,  the 
cuirass,  and  the  buckler,  the  sword,  the  dart,  and  the  jav- 
elin, prepared  him  to  elude  the  wound  as  well  as  to 
launch  the  blow.  Still  urging  on,  in  the  career  of  philan- 
thropic invention,  he  enlarges  and  heightens  his  powers 
of  defence  and  injury  : — The  Aries,  the  Scorpio,  the  Ba- 
lista,  and  the  Catapulta,  give  a  horror  and  sublimity  to 
war,  and  magnify  its  glory,  by  increasing  its  desolation. 
Still  insatiable,  though  armed  with  machinery  that  seemed 
to  reach  the  limits  of  destructive  invention,  and  to  yield 
a  power  of  injury  commensurate  even  with  the  desires  of 
revenge, — still  deeper  researches  must  be  made  in  the 
diabolical  arcana.  With  furious  zeal  he  dives  into  the 


316  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

bowels  of  the  earth ;  he  toils  midst  poisonous  minerals 
and  deadly  salts, — the  subl'me  discovery  of  gunpowder 
blazes  upon  the  world — and  finally  the  dreadful  art  of 
fighting  by  proclamation  seems  to  endow  the  demon  of 
war  wyith  ubiquity  and  omnipotence ! 

This,  indeed,  is  grand ! — this,  indeed,  marks  the  powers 
of  mind,  and  bespeaks  that  divine  endowment  of  reason, 
which  distinguishes  us  from  the  animals,  our  inferiors. 
The  unenlightened  brutes  content  themselves  with  the 
native  force  which  Providence  has  assigned  them.  The 
angry  bull  butts  with  his  horns,  as  did  his  progenitors 
before  him ;  the  lion,  the  leopard,  and  the  tiger  seek  only 
with  their  talons  and  their  fangs  to  gratify  their  san- 
guinary fury ;  and  even  the  subtle  serpent  darts  the  same 
venom,  and  uses  the  same  wiles,  as  did  his  sire  before  the 
flood.  Man  alone,  blessed  with  the  inventive  mind,  goes 
on  from  discovery  to  discovery, — enlarges  and  multiplies 
his  powers  of  destruction, — arrogates  the  tremendous 
weapons  of  Deity  itself,  and  tasks  creation  to  assist  him 
in  murdering  his  brother-worm ! 

In  proportion  as  the  art  of  war  has  increased  in  im- 
provement has  the  art  of  preserving  peace  advanced  in 
equal  ratio;  and  as  we  have  discovered,  in  this  age  of 
wonders  and  inventions,  that  proclamation  is  the  most 
formidable  engine  in  war,  so  have  we  discovered  the  no 
less  ingenious  mode  of  maintaining  peace  by  perpetual 
negotiations. 

A  treaty,  or,  to  speak  more  correctly,  a  negotiation, 


THE  PERIOD  OF  AMITY.  317 

therefore,  according  to  the  acceptation  of  experienced 
statesmen,  learned  in  these  matters,  is  no  longer  an  at- 
tempt to  accommodate  differences,  to  ascertain  rights,  and 
to  establish  an  equitable  exchange  of  kind  offices,  but  a 
contest  of  skill  between  two  powers,  which  shall  over- 
reach and  take  in  the  other.  It  is  a  cunning  endeavor  to 
obtain  by  peaceful  manoeuvre,  and  the  chicanery  of  cabi- 
nets, those  advantages  which  a  nation  would  otherwise 
have  wrested  by  force  of  arms, — in  the  same  manner  as  a 
conscientious  highwayman  reforms  and  becomes  a  quiet 
and  praiseworthy  citizen,  contenting  himself  with  cheat- 
ing his  neighbor  out  of  that  property  he  would  formerly 
have  seized  with  open  violence. 

In  fact,  the  only  time  when  two  nations  can  be  said  to 
be  in  a  state  of  perfect  amity  is,  when  a  negotiation  is 
open,  and  a  treaty  pending.  Then,  when  there  are  no 
stipulations  entered  into,  no  bonds  to  restrain  the  will, 
no  specific  limits  to  awaken  the  captious  jealousy  of  right 
implanted  in  our  nature,  when  each  party  has  some  ad- 
vantage to  hope  and  expect  from  the  other,  then  it  is 
that  the  two  nations  are  wonderfully  gracious  and  friend- 
ly,— their  ministers  professing  the  highest  mutual  regard, 
exchanging  billets-doux,  making  fine  speeches,  and  in- 
dulging in  all  those  little  diplomatic  flirtations,  coquet- 
ries, and  fondlings,  that  do  so  marvellously  tickle  the 
good-humor  of  the  respective  nations.  Thus  it  may  para- 
doxically be  said,  that  there  is  never  so  good  an  under- 
standing between  two  nations  as  when  there  is  a  little 


318  HIKTOHY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

misunderstanding, — and  that  so  long  as  they  are  on 
no  terms  at  all,  they  are  on  the  best  terms  in  the 
world ! 

I  do  not  by  any  means  pretend  to  claim  the  merit  of 
having  made  the  above  discovery.  It  has,  in  fact,  long 
been  secretly  acted  upon  by  certain  enlightened  cabinets, 
and  is,  together  with  divers  other  notable  theories,  pri- 
vately copied  out  of  the  commonplace  book  of  an  illustri- 
ous gentleman,  who  has  been  member  of  congress,  and 
enjoyed  the  unlimited  confidence  of  heads  of  depart- 
ments. To  this  principle  may  be  ascribed  the  wonderful 
ingenuity  shown  of  late  years  in  protracting  and  inter- 
rupting negotiations.  Hence  the  cunning  measure  of  ap- 
pointing as  ambassador  some  political  pettifogger  skilled 
in  delays,  sophisms,  and  misapprehensions,  and  dexterous 
in  the  art  of  baffling  argument, — or  some  blundering 
statesman,  whose  errors  and  misconstructions  may  be  a 
plea  for  refusing  to  ratify  his  engagements.  And  hence, 
too,  that  most  notable  expedient,  so  popular  with  our 
government,  of  sending  out  a  brace  of  ambassadors, — be- 
tween whom,  having  each  an  individual  will  to  consult, 
character  to  establish,  and  interest  to  promote,  you  may 
as  well  look  for  unanimity  and  concord  as  between  two 
lovers  with  one  mistress,  two  dogs  with  one  bone,  or  two 
naked  rogues  with  one  pair  of  breeches.  This  disagree- 
ment, therefore,  is  continually  breeding  delays  and  impe- 
diments, in  consequence  of  which  the  negotiation  goes  on 
swimmingly — inasmuch  as  there  is  no  prospect  of  its  ever 


TROUBLE  WHICH  COMES  FROM  TREATIES.        319 

coming  to  a  close.  Nothing  is  lost  by  these  delays  and 
obstacles  but  time;  and  in  a  negotiation,  according  to 
the  theory  I  hav«  exposed,  all  time  lost  is  in  reality  so 
much  time  gained : — with  what  delightful  paradoxes  does 
modern  political  economy  abound ! 

Now  all  that  I  have  here  advanced  is  so  notoriously 
true,  that  I  almost  blush  to  take  up  the  time  of  my  read- 
ers with  treating  of  matters  which  must  many  a  time  have 
stared  them  in  the  face.  But  the  proposition  to  which  I 
Would  most  earnestly  call  their  attention  is  this,  that, 
though  a  negotiation  be  the  most  harmonizing  of  all 
national  transactions,  yet  a  treaty  of  peace  is  a  great 
political  evil,  and  one  of  the  most  fruitful  sources  of 
War. 

I  have  rarely  seen  an  instance  of  any  special  contract 
between  individuals  that  did  not  produce  jealousies,  bick- 
erings, and  often  downright  ruptures  between  them  ;  nor 
did  I  ever  know  of  a  treaty  between  two  nations  that  did 
not  occasion  continual  misunderstandings.  How  many 
worthy  country  neighbors  have  I  known,  who,  after  liv- 
ing in  peace  and  good-fellowship  for  years,  have  been 
thrown  into  a  state  of  distrust,  cavilling,  and  animosity, 
by  some  ill-starred  agreement  about  fences,  runs  of 
water,  and  stray  cattle !  And  how  many  well-meaning 
nations,  who  would  otherwise  have  remained  in  the 
most  amicable  disposition  towards  each  other,  have  been 
brought  to  swords'  points  about  the  infringement  or 
misconstruction  of  some  treaty,  which  in  an  evil  hour 


320  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

they  had  concluded,  by  way  of  making  their  amity  more 
sure! 

Treaties  at  best  are  but  complied  with  so  long  as  inter- 
est requires  their  fulfilment ;  consequently  they  are  virtu- 
ally binding  on  the  weaker  party  only,  or,  in  plain  truth, 
they  are  not  binding  at  all.  No  nation  will  wantonly  go 
to  war  with  another  if  it  has  nothing  to  gain  thereby,  and 
therefore  needs  no  treaty  to  restrain  it  from  violence ;  and 
if  it  have  anything  to  gain,  I  much  question,  from  what 
I  have  witnessed  of  the  righteous  conduct  of  nations, 
whether  any  treaty  could  be  made  so  strong  that  it  could 
not  thrust  the  sword  through, — nay,  I  would  hold  ten 
to  one,  the  treaty  itself  would  be  the  very  source  to 
which  resort  would  be  had  to  find  a  pretext  for  hostil- 
ities. 

Thus,  therefore,  I  conclude, — that,  though  it  is  the  best 
of  all  policies  for  a  nation  to  keep  up  a  constant  negotia- 
tion with  its  neighbors,  yet  it  is  the  summit  of  folly  for  it 
ever  to  be  beguiled  into  a  treaty ;  for  then  comes  on  non- 
fulfilment  and  infraction,  then  remonstrance,  then  alter- 
cation, then  retaliation,  then  recrimination,  and  finally 
open  war.  In  a  word,  negotiation  is  like  courtship,  a  timi. 
of  sweet  words,  gallant  speeches,  soft  looks,  and  endear- 
ing caresses, — but  the  marriage  ceremony  is  the  signal  for 
hostilities. 

If  my  painstaking  reader  be  not  somewhat  perplexed 
by  the  ratiocination  of  the  foregoing  passage,  he  "will  per- 
ceive, at  a  glance,  that  the  Great  Peter,  in  concluding  a 


TO  GREATER   THINGS.  321 

treaty  with  his  eastern  neighbors,  was  guilty  of  lamenta- 
ble error  in  policy.  In  fact,  to  this  unlucky  agreement 
may  be  traced  a  world  of  bickerings  and  heart-burnings, 
between  the  parties,  about  fancied  or  pretended  infringe- 
ments of  treaty-stipulations ;  in  all  which  the  Yankees 
were  prone  to  indemnify  themselves  by  a  "  dig  into  the 
sides"  of  the  New  Netherlands.  But,  in  sooth,  these 
border  feuds,  albeit  they  gave  great  annoyance  to  the 
good  burghers  of  Manna-hata,  were  so  pitiful  in  their 
nature,  that  a  grave  historian  like  myself,  who  grudges 
the  time  spent  in  anything  less  than  the  revolutions  of 
states  and  fall  of  empires,  would  deem  them  unworthy  of 
being  inscribed  on  his  page.  The  reader  is,  therefore,  to 
take  it  for  granted,  though  I  scorn  to  waste,  in  the  detail, 
that  time  which  my  furrowed  brow  and  trembling  hand 
inform  me  is  invaluable,  that  all  the  while  the  Great 
Peter  was  occupied  in  those  tremendous  and  bloody  con- 
tests which  I  shall  shortly  rehearse ;  there  was  a  con- 
tinued series  of  little,  dirty,  snivelling  scourings,  broils, 
and  maraudings,  kept  up  on  the  eastern  frontiers  by  the 
moss-troopers  of  Connecticut.  But,  like  that  mirror  of 
chivalry,  the  sage  and  valorous  Don  Quixote,  I  leave 
these  petty  contests  for  some  future  Sancho  Panza  of 
an  historian,  while  I  reserve  my  prowess  and  my  pen 
for  achievements  of  higher  dignity ;  for  at  this  moment 
I  hear  a  direful  and  portentous  note  issuing  from  the 
bosom  of  the  great  council  of  the  league,  and  resounding 
throughout  the  regions  of  the  east,  menacing  the  fame 
21 


322  BISTORT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

and  fortunes  of  Peter  Stuyvesant.  I  call,  therefore,  upon 
the  reader  to  leave  behind  him  all  the  paltry  brawls  of 
the  Connecticut  borders,  and  to  press  forward  with  me  to 
the  relief  of  our  favorite  hero,  who,  I  foresee,  will  be 
wofully  beset  by  the  implacable  Yankees  in  the  next 
chapter, 


CHAPTEE  V. 

HOW  PETER  STUTVESANT  WAS  GRIEVOUSLY  BELIED  BY  THE  GREAT  COUNCIL  OF 
THE  LEAGUE  ;  AND  HOW  HE  SENT  ANTONY  THE  TRUMPETER  TO  TAKE  TO  THE 
COUNCIL  A  PIECE  OF  HIS  MIND. 

pj]HAT  the  reader  may  be  aware  of  the  peril  at 
this  moment  menacing  Peter  Stuyvesant  and 
his  capital,  I  must  remind  him  of  the  old 
charge  advanced  in  the  council  of  the  league  in  the  time 
of  William  the  Testy,  that  the  Nederlanders  were  car- 
rying on  a  trade  "damnable  and  injurious  to  the  colo- 
nists," in  furnishing  the  savages  with  "  guns,  powther,  and 
shott."  This,  as  I  then  suggested,  was  a  crafty  device  of 
the  Yankee  confederacy  to  have  a  snug  cause  of  war  in 
petto,  in  case  any  favorable  opportunity  should  present 
of  attempting  the  conquest  of  the  New  Nederlands :  the 
great  object  of  Yankee  ambition. 

Accordingly  we  now  find,  when  every  other  ground  of 
complaint  had  apparently  been  removed  by  treaty,  this 
nefarious  charge  revived  with  tenfold  virulence,  and 
hurled  like  a  thunderbolt  at  the  very  head  of  Petar 
Stuyvesant;  happily  his  head,  like  that  of  the  great  bull 
of  the  Wabash,  was  proof  against  such  missiles. 

To  be  explicit,  we  are  told  that,  in  the  year  1651,  the 

323 


324  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

great  confederacy  of  the  east  accused  the  immaculate 
Peter,  the  soul  of  honor  and  heart  of  steel,  of  secretly 
endeavoring,  by  gifts  and  promises,,  to  instigate  the  Nar- 
roheganset,  Mohaque,  and  Pequot  Indians,  to  surprise 
and  massacre  the  Yankee  settlements.  "For,"  as  the 
grand  council  observed,  "the  Indians  round  about  for 
divers  hundred  miles  cercute  seeme  to  have  drunk  deepe 
of  an  intoxicating  cupp,  att  or  from  the  Manhattoes 
against  the  English,  whoe  have  sought  their  good,  both 
in  bodily  and  spirituall  respects." 

This  charge  they  pretended  to  support  by  the  evidence 
of  divers  Indians,  who  were  probably  moved  by  that 
spirit  of  truth  which  is  said  to  reside  in  the  bottle,  and 
who  swore  to  the  fact  as  sturdily  as  though  they  had 
been  so  many  Christian  troopers. 

Though  descended  from  a  family  which  suffered  much 
injury  from  the  losel  Yankees  of  those  times,  my  great- 
grandfather having  had  a  yoke  of  oxen  and  his  best 
pacer  stolen,  and  having  received  a  pair  of  black  eyes  and 
a  bloody  nose  in  one  of  these  border  wars,  and  my  grand- 
father, when  a  very  little  boy  tending  pigs,  having  l?p.en 
kidnapped  and  severely  flogged  by  a  long-sided  Connect- 
icut schoolmaster, — yet  I  should  have  passed  over  all 
these  wrongs  with  forgiveness  and  oblivion, — I  could 
even  have  suffered  them  to  have  broken  Everet  Duck- 
ing's head, — to  have  kicked  the  doughty  Jacobus  Van 
Curlet  and  his  ragged  regiment  out  of  doors, — to  have- 
carried  every  hog  into  captivity,  and  depopulated  ever 


BASENESS  OF  THE  YANKEES.  325 

hen-roost  on  the  face  of  the  earth  with  perfect  impunity, 
— but  this  wanton  attack  upon  one  of  the  most  gallanf 
and  irreproachable  heroes  of  modern  times  is  too  much 
even  for  me  to  digest,  and  has  overset,  with  a  single  puff, 
the  patience  of  the  historian,  and  the  forbearance  of  the 
Dutchman. 

Oh,  reader,  it  was  false !  I  swear  to  thee,  it  was  false  ! 
— if  thou  hast  any  respect  to  my  word, — if  the  undeviat- 
ing  character  for  veracity,  which  I  have  endeavored  to 
maintain  throughout  this  work,  has  its  due  weight  upon 
thee,  thou  wilt  not  give  thy  faith,  to  this  tale  of  slander; 
for  I  pledge  my  honor  and  my  immortal  fame  to  thee, 
that  the  gallant  Peter  Stuyvesant  was  not  only  innocent 
of  this  foul  conspiracy,  but  would  have  suffered  his  right 
arm  or  even  his  wooden  leg  to  consume  with  slow  and 
everlasting  flames,  rather  than  attempt  to  destroy  his 
enemies  in  any  other  way  than  open,  generous  warfare ; 
— beshrew  those  caitiff  scouts,  that  conspired  to  sully  his 
honest  name  by  such  an  imputation ! 

Peter  Stuyvesant,  though  haply  he  may  never  have 
heard  of  a  knight-errant,  had  as  true  a  heart  of  chivalry 
as  ever  beat  at  the  round  table  of  King  Arthur.  In  the 
honest  bosom  of  this  heroic  Dutchman  dwelt  the  seven 
noble  virtues  of  knighthood,  flourishing  among  his  hardy 
qualities  like  wild  flowers  among  rocks.  He  was,  in 
truth,  a  hero  of  chivalry  struck  off  by  nature  at  a  single 
heat,  and  though  little  care  may  have  been  taken  to 
refine  her  workmanship,  he  stood  forth  a  miracle  of  her 


326  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

skill.  In  all  his  dealings  he  was  headstrong  perhaps, 
but  open  and  above-board  ;  if  there  was  anything  in  the 
whole  world  he  most  loathed  and  despised,  it  was  cun- 
ning and  secret  wile  ;  "  straight  forward  "  was  his  motto  ; 
and  he  would  at  any  time  rather  run  his  hard  head 
against  a  stone  wall  than  attempt  to  get  round  it. 

Such  was  Peter  Stuyvesant ;  and  if  my  admiration  of 
him  has  on  this  occasion  transported  my  style  beyond  the 
sober  gravity  which  becomes  the  philosophic  recorder  of 
historic  events,  I  must  plead  as  an  apology,  that,  though 
a  little  gray-headed  Dutchman,  arrived  almost  at  the 
down-hill  of  life,  I  still  retain  a  lingering  spark  of  that 
fire  which  kindles  in  the  eye  of  youth  when  contemplat- 
ing the  virtues  of  ancient  worthies.  Elessed,  thrice  and 
nine  times  blessed  be  the  good  Sfc.  Nicholas,  if  I  have  in- 
deed escaped  that  apathy  which  chills  the  sympathies  of 
age  and  paralyzes  every  glow  of  enthusiasm. 

The  first  measure  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  on  hearing  of 
this  slanderous  charge  would  have  been  worthy  of  a  man 
who  had  studied  for  years  in  the  chivalrous  library  of 
Don  Quixote.  Drawing  his  sword  and  laying  it  across 
the  table,  to  put  him  in  proper  tune,  he  took  pen  in  hand 
and  indited  a  proud  and  lofty  letter  to  the  council  of  the 
league,  reproaching  them  with  giving  ear  to  the  slanders 
of  heathen  savages  against  a  Christian,  a  soldier,  and  a 
cavalier ;  declaring,  that,  whoever  charged  him  with  the 
plot  in  question,  lied  in  his  throat ;  to  prove  which  he 
offered  to  meet  the  president  of  the  council  or  any  of  his 


ANTONY   VAN  CORLEAR.  327 

compeers,  or  their  champion,  Captain  Alicxsander  Par- 
tridg,  that  mighty  man  of  Rhodes,  in  single  combat, — 
wherein  he  trusted  to  vindicate  his  honor  by  the  prowess 
of  his  arm. 

This  missive  was  intrusted  to  his  trumpeter  and  squire, 
Antony  Van  Corlear,  that  man  of  emergencies,  with  orders 
to  travel  night  and  day,  sparing  neither  whip  nor  spur, 
seeing  that  he  carried  the  vindication  of  his  patron's  fame 
in  his  saddle-bags. 

The  loyal  Antony  accomplished  his  mission  with  great 
speed  and  considerable  loss  of  leather.  He  delivered  his 
missive  with  becoming  ceremony,  accompanying  it  with  a 
flourish  of  defiance  on  his  trumpet  to  the  whole  council, 
ending  with  a  significant  and  nasal  twang  full  in  the  face 
of  Captain  Partridg,  who  nearly  jumped  out  of  his  skin 
in  an  ecstasy  of  astonishment. 

The  grand  council  was  composed  of  men  too  cool  and 
practical  to  be  put  readily  in  a  heat,  or  to  indulge  in 
knight-errantry ;  and  above  all  to  run  a  tilt  with  such  a 
fiery  hero  as  Peter  the  Headstrong.  They  knew  the  ad- 
vantage, however,  to  have  always  a  snug,  justifiable  cause 
of  war  in  reserve  with  a  neighbor,  who  had  territories 
worth  invading ;  so  they  devised  a  reply  to  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant,  calculated  to  keep  up  the  "raw"  which  they  had 
established. 

On  receiving  this  answer,  Antony  Van  Corlear  re- 
mounted the  Flanders  mare  which  he  always  rode,  and 
trotted  merrily  back  to  the  Manhattoes,  solacing  himself 


328  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

by  the  "way  according  to  his  wont ;  twanging  his  trumpet 
like  a  very  devil,  so  that  the  sweet  valleys  and  banks  of 
the  Connecticut  resounded  with  the  warlike  melody; 
bringing  all  the  folks  to  the  windows  as  he  passed 
through  Hartford  and  Pyquag,  and  Middletown,  and  all 
the  other  border  towns,  ogling  and  winking  at  the  women, 
and  making  aerial  wind-mills  from  the  end  of  his  nose  at 
their  husbands,  and  stopping  occasionally  in  the  villages 
to  eat  pumpkin-pies,  dance  at  country  frolics,  and  bundle 
with  the  Yankee  lasses — whom  he  rejoiced  exceedingly 
with  his  soul-stirring  instrument. 


CHAPTER  YL 

HOW  PETER  STUYVESANT   DEMANDED  A   COURT   OF  HONOR — AND  WHAT  THE 
COUKT   OF   HONOR  AWARDED   TO   HIM. 

|HE  reply  of  the  grand  council  to  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant  was  couched  in  the  coolest  and  most 
diplomatic  language.  They  assured  him  that 
"his  confident  denials  of  the  barbarous  plot  alleged 
against  him  would  weigh  little  against  the  testimony  of 
divers  sober  and  respectable  Indians";  that  "his  guilt 
was  proved  to  their  perfect  satisfaction,"  so  that  they 
must  still  require  and  seek  due  satisfaction  and  security; 
ending  with — "  so  we  rest,  sir — Yours  in  ways  of  right- 
eousness." 

I  forbear  to  say  how  the  lion-hearted  Peter  roared  and 
ramped  at  finding  himself  more  and  more  entangled  in 
the  meshes  thus  artfully  drawn  round  him  by  the  know- 
ing Yankees.  Impatient,  however,  of  suffering  so  gross 
an  aspersion  to  rest  upon  his  honest  name,  he  sent  a 
second  messenger  to  the  council,  reiterating  his  denial  of 
the  treachery  imputed  to  him,  and  offering  to  submit  his 
conduct  to  the  scrutiny  of  a  court  of  honor.  His  offer 
was  readily  accepted ;  and  now  he  looked  forward  with 

329 


330  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

confidence  to  an  august  tribunal  to  be  assembled  at  the 
Manhattoes,  formed  of  high-minded  cavaliers,  perad- 
venture  governors  and  commanders  of  the  confederate 
plantations,  when  the  matter  might  be  investigated 
by  his  peers,  in  a  manner  befitting  his  rank  and  dig- 
nity. 

While  he  was  awaiting  the  arrival  of  such  high  func- 
tionaries, behold,  one  sunshiny  afternoon  there  rode  into 
the  great  gate  of  the  Manhattoes  two  lean,  hungry-look- 
ing Yankees,  mounted  on  Narraganset  pacers,  with  sad- 
dle-bags under  their  bottoms,  and  green  satchels  under 
their  arms,  who  looked  marvellously  like  two  pettifogging 
attorneys  beating  the  hoof  from  one  county  court  to  an- 
other in  quest  of  lawsuits ;  and,  in  sooth,  though  they 
may  have  passed  under  different  names  at  the  time,  I 
have  reason  to  suspect  they  were  the  identical  varlets 
who  had  negotiated  the  worthy  Dutch  commissioners  out 
of  the  Connecticut  river. 

It  was  a  rule  with  these  indefatigable  missionaries 
never  to  let  the  grass  grow  under  their  feet.  Scarce  had 
they,  therefore,  alighted  at  the  inn  and  deposited  their 
saddle-bags,  than  they  made  their  way  to  the  residence 
of  the  governor.  They  found  him,  according  to  custom, 
smoking  his  afternoon  pipe  on  the  "  stoop,"  or  bench  at 
the  porch  of  his  house,  and  announced  themselves,  at 
once,  as  commissioners  sent  by  the  grand  council  of  the 
east  to  investigate  the  truth  of  certain  charges  advanced 
against  him. 


YANKEE  EMISSARIES.  331 

The  good  Peter  took  his  pipe  from  his  mouth,  and 
gazed  at  them  for  a  moment  in  mute  astonishment.  By 
way  of  expediting  business,  they  were  proceeding  on  the 
spot  to  put  some  preliminary  questions, — asking  him, 
peradventure,  whether  he  pleaded  guilty  or  not  guilty, 
considering  him  something  in  the  light  of  a  culprit  at  the 
bar, — when  they  were  brought  to  a  pause  by  seeing  him 
lay  down  his  pipe  and  begin  to  fumble  with  his  walking- 
staff.  For  a  moment  those  present  would  not  have  given 
lialf  a  crown  for  both  the  crowns  of  the  commissioners  ; 
but  Peter  Stuyvesant  repressed  his  mighty  wrath  and 
stayed  his  hand ;  he  scanned  the  varlets  from  head  to 
foot,  satchels  and  all,  with  a  look  of  ineffable  scorn ;  then 
strode  into  the  house,  slammed  the  door  after  him,  and 
commanded  that  they  should  never  again  be  admitted  to 
his  presence. 

The  knowing  commissioners  winked  to  each  other,  and 
made  a  certificate  on  the  spot  that  the  governor  had  re- 
fused to  answer  their  interrogatories  or  to  submit  to  their 
examination.  They  then  proceeded  to  rummage  about  the 
city  for  two  or  three  days,  in  quest  of  what  they  called 
evidence,  perplexing  Indians  and  old  women  with  their 
cross-questioning  until  they  had  stuffed  their  satchels 
and  saddle-bags  with  all  kinds  of  apocryphal  tales,  ru- 
mors, and  calumnies ;  with  these  they  mounted  their  Nar- 
raganset  pacers  and  travelled  back  to  the  grand  council ; 
neither  did  the  proud-hearted  Peter  trouble  himself  to 
hinder  their  researches  nor  impede  their  departure  ;  he 


332  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

was  too  mindful  of  their  sacred  character  as  envoys ;  but 
I  warrant  rue,  had  they  played  the  same  tricks  with  "Will- 
iam the  Testy,  he  would  have  had  them  tucked  up  by 
the  waistband  and  treated  to  an  aerial  gambol  on  his  pa- 
tent gallows, 


CHAPTER  VH. 

HOW  "DRUM  ECCLESIASTIC"  WAS  BEATEN  THROUGHOUT  CONNECTICUT  FOR  A 
CRUSADE  AGAINST  THE  NEW  NETHERLANDS,  AND  HOW  PETER  STUYVESANT 
TOOK  MEASURES  TO  FORTIFY  HIS  CAPITAL. 

HE  grand  council  of  the  east  held  a  solemn 
meeting  on  the  return  of  their  envoys.  As  no 
advocate  appeared  in  behalf  of  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant,  everything  went  against  him.  His  haughty  refusal  to 
submit  to  the  questioning  of  the  commissioners  was  con- 
strued into  a  consciousness  of  guilt.  The  contents  of  the 
satchels  and  saddle-bags  were  poured  forth  before  the 
council  and  appeared  a  mountain  of  evidence.  A  pale, 
bilious  orator  took  the  floor,  and  declaimed  for  hours  and 
in  belligerent  terms.  He  was  one  of  those  furious  zealots 
who  blows  the  bellows  of  faction  until  the  whole  furnace 
of  politics  is  red-hot  with  sparks  and  cinders.  What  was 
it  to  him  if  he  should  set  the  house  on  fire,  so  that  he 
might  boil  his  pot  by  the  blaze.  He  was  from  the  bor- 
ders of  Connecticut ;  his  constituents  lived  by  marauding 
their  Dutch  neighbors,  and  were  the  greatest  poachers  in 
Christendom,  excepting  the  Scotch  border  nobles.  His 
eloquence  had  its  effect,  and  it  was  determined  to  set  on 

foot  an  expedition  against  the  Nieuw  Nederlands. 

333 


334  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

It  was  necessary,  however,  to  prepare  the  public  mind 
for  this  measure.  Accordingly  the  arguments  of  the  ora- 
tor were  echoed  from  the  pulpit  for  several  succeeding 
Sundays,  and  a  crusade  was  preached  up  against  Peter 
Stuyvesant  and  his  devoted  city. 

This  is  the  first  we  hear  of  the  "drum  ecclesiastic" 
beating  up  for  recruits  in  worldly  warfare  in  our  country. 
It  has  since  been  called  into  frequent  use.  A  cunning 
politician  often  lurks  under  the  clerical  ;obe;  things 
spiritual  and  things  temporal  are  strangely  jumbled  to- 
gether, like  drugs  on  an  apothecary's  shelf ;  and  instead 
of  a  peaceful  sermon,  the  simple  seeker  after  righteous- 
ness has  often  a  political  pamphlet  thrust  down  his 
throat,  labelled  with  a  pious  text  from  Scripture. 

And  now  nothing  was  talked  of  but  an  expedition 
against  the  Manhattoes.  It  pleased  the  populaco,  who 
had  a  vehement  prejudice  against  the  Dutch,  considering 
them  a  vastly  inferior  race,  who  had  sought  the  new 
world  for  the  lucre  of  gain,  not  the  liberty  of  conscience ; 
who  were  mere  heretics  and  infidels,  inasmuch  as  they 
refused  to  believe  in  witches  and  sea-serpents,  and  had 
faith  in  the  virtues  of  horse-shoes  nailed  to  the  door ;  ate 
pork  without  molasses ;  held  pumpkins  in  contempt,  and 
were  in  perpetual  breach  of  the  eleventh  commandment 
of  all  true  Yankees,  "Thou  shalt  have  codfish  dinners  on 
Saturdays." 

No  sooner  did  Peter  Stuyvesant  get  wind  of  the  storm 
that  was  brewing  in  the  east  than  he  set  to  work  to  pro- 


THE  MILITIA.  335 

pare  for  it.  He  was  not  one  of  those  economical  rulers, 
who  postpone  the  expense  of  fortifying  until  the  enemy  is 
at  the  door.  There  is  nothing,  he  would  say,  that  keeps 
off  enemies  and  crows  more  than  the  smell  of  gunpowder. 
He  proceeded,  therefore,  with  all  diligence,  to  put  the 
province  and  its  metropolis  in  a  posture  of  defence. 

Among  the  remnants  which  remained  from  the  days  of 
William  the  Testy  were  the  militia  laws, — by  which  the 
inhabitants  were  obliged  to  turn  out  twice  a  year,  with 
such  military  equipments  as  it  pleased  God, — and  were 
put  under  the  command  of  tailors  and  man-milliners, 
who,  though  on  ordinary  occasions  they  might  have  been 
the  meekest,  most  pippin-hearted  little  men  in  the  world, 
were  very  devils  at  parade,  when  they  had  cocked  hats 
on  their  heads  and  swords  by  their  sides.  Under  the 
instructions  of  these  periodical  warriors,  the  peaceful 
burghers  of  the  Manhattoes  were  schooled  in  iron  war, 
and  became  so  hardy  in  the  process  of  time,  that  they 
could  march  through  sun  and  rain,  from  one  end  of  the 
town  to  the  other,  without  flinching, — and  so  intrepid  and 
adroit,  that  they  could  face  to  the  right,  wheel  to  the 
left,  and  fire  without  winking  or  blinking. 

Peter  Stuyvesant,  like  all  old  soldiers  who  have  seen 
service  and  smelt  gunpowder,  had  no  great  respect  for 
militia  troops ;  however,  he  determined  to  give  them  a 
trial,  and  accordingly  called  for  a  general  muster,  inspec- 
tion, and  review.  But,  oh  Mars  and  Bellona!  what  a 
turning-out  was  here  !  Here  came  old  Boelant  Cuckaburt, 


336  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

with  a  short  blunderbuss  on  his  shoulder,  and  a  long 
horseman's  sword  trailing  by  his  side ;  and  Barent  Dirk- 
son,  with  something  that  looked  like  a  copper  kettle 
turned  upside  down  on  his  head,  and  a  couple  of  old 
horse-pistols  in  his  belt;  and  Dirk  Volkertson,  with  a 
long  duck  fowling-piece  without  any  ramrod ;  and  a  host 
more,  armed  higgledy-piggledy, — with  swords,  hatchets, 
snickersnees,  crowbars,  broomsticks,  and  what  not ;  the 
officers  distinguished  from  the  rest  by  having  their 
slouched  hats  cocked  up  with  pins,  and  surmounted  with 
cock-tail  feathers. 

The  sturdy  Peter  eyed  this  nondescript  host  with  some 
such  rueful  aspect  as  a  man  -would  eye  the  devil,  and  de- 
termined to  give  his  feather-bed  soldiers  a  seasoning. 
He  accordingly  put  them  through  their  manual  exercise 
over  and  over  again;  trudged  them  backwards  and  for- 
wards about  the  streets  of  New  Amsterdam  until  their 
short  legs  ached  and  their  fat  sides  sweated  again ;  and 
finally  encamped  them  in  the  evening  on  the  summit  of  a 
hill  without  the  city,  to  give  them  a  taste  of  camp-life, 
intending  the  next  day  to  renew  the  toils  and  perils  of 
the  field.  But  so  it  came  to  pass  that  in  the  night  there 
fell  a  great  and  heavy  rain,  and  melted  away  the  army, 
so  that  in  the  morning,  when  Gaffer  Phoebus  shed  his 
first  beams  upon  the  camp,  scarce  a  warrior  remained 
except  Peter  Stuyvesant  and  his  trumpeter  Van  Corlear. 

This  awful  desolation  of  a  whole  army  would  have  ap- 
palled a  commander  of  less  nerve  ;  but  it  served  to  con- 


TEE  BATTERY.  337 

firm  Peter's  want  of  confidence  in  the  militia  system, 
which  he  thenceforward  used  to  call,  in  joke, — for  he 
sometimes  indulged  in  a  joke, — William '  the  Testy's 
broken  reed.  He  now  took  into  his  service  a  goodly 
number  of  burly,  broad-shouldered,  broad  -  bottomed 
Dutchmen ;  whom  he  paid  in  good  silver  and  gold,  and 
of  whom  he  boasted,  that,  whether  they  could  stand  fire 
or  not,  they  were  at  least  waterproof.  He  fortified  the 
city,  too,  with  pickets  and  palisadoes,  extending  across 
the  island  from  river  to  river,  and,  above  all,  cast  up 
mud  batteries,  or  redoubts,  on  the  point  of  the  island 
where  it  divided  the  beautiful  bosom  of  the  bay. 

These  latter  redoubts,  in  process  of  time,  came  to  be 
pleasantly  overrun  by  a  carpet  of  grass  and  clover,  and 
overshadowed  by  wide-spreading  elms  and  sycamores, 
among  the  branches  of  which  the  birds  would  build  their 
nests  and  rejoice  the  ear  with  their  melodious  notes. 
Under  these  trees,  too,  the  old  burghers  would  smoke 
their  afternoon  pipe,  contemplating  the  golden  sun  as  he 
sank  in  the  west,  an  emblem  of  the  tranquil  end  toward 
which  they  were  declining.  Here,  too,  would  the  young 
men  and  maidens  of  the  town  take  their  evening  stroll, 
watching  the  silver  moonbeams  as  they  trembled  along 
the  calm  bosom  of  the  bay,  or.  lit  up  the  sail  of  some 
gliding  bark,  and  peradventure  interchanging  the  soft 
vows  of  honest  affection, — for  to  evening  strolls  in  this 
favored  spot  were  traced  most  of  the  marriages  in  New 
Amsterdam. 
22 


338  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

Such  was-  the  origin  of  that  renowned  promenade,  THE 
BATTEEY,  which,  though  ostensibly  devoted  to  the  stern 
purposes  of  war,  has  ever  been  consecrated  to  the  sweet 
delights  of  peace.  The  scene  of  many  a  gambol  in  happy 
childhood, — of  many  a  tender  assignation  in  riper  years, 
of  many  a  soothing  walk  in  declining  age, — the  health- 
ful resort  of  the  feeble  invalid, — the  Sunday  refreshment 
of  the  dusty  tradesman, — in  fine,  the  ornament  and  de- 
light of  New  York,  and  the  pride  of  the  lovely  island  of 
Manna-hata. 


CHAPTEE  YIII. 

HOW  THE  YANKEE  CRUSADE  AGAINST  THE  NEW  NETHERLANDS  WAS  BAFFLED 
BY  THE  SUDDEN  OUTBREAK  OP  WITCHCRAFT  AMONG  THE  PEOPLE  OF  THE 
EAST. 

jjAVING  thus  provided  for  the  temporary  secu- 
rity of  New  Amsterdam,  and  guarded  it  against 
any  sudden  surprise,  the  gallant  Peter  took 
a  hearty  pinch  of  snuff,  and  snapping  his  fingers,  set  the 
great  council  of  Amphictyons  and  their  champion,  the 
redoubtable  Alicxsander  Partridg,  at  defiance.  In  the 
mean  time  the  moss-troopers  of  Connecticut,  the  war- 
riors of  New  Haven  and  Hartford,  and  Pyquag,  other- 
wise called  Weathersfield,  famous  for  its  onions  and  its 
witches,  and  of  all  the  other  border-towns,  were  in  a 
prodigious  turmoil,  furbishing  up  their  rusty  weapons, 
shouting  aloud  for  war,  and  anticipating  easy  conquests, 
and  glorious  rummaging  of  the  fat  little  Dutch  villages. 

In  the  midst  of  these  warlike  preparations,  however, 
they  received  the  chilling  news  that  the  colony  of  Massa- 
chusetts refused  to  back  them  in  this  righteous  war.  It 
seems  that  the  gallant  conduct  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  the 
generous  warmth  of  his  vindication,  and  the  chivalrous 
spirit  of  his  defiance,  though  lost  upon  the  grand  council 
of  the  league,  had  carried  conviction  to  the  general  court 

339 


340  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

of  Massachusetts,  which  nobly  refused  to  believe  him 
guilty  of  the  villanous  plot  laid  at  his  door.* 

The  defection  of  so  important  a  colony  paralyzed  the 
councils  of  the  league,  some  such  dissension  arose  among 
its  members  as  prevailed  of  yore  in  the  camp  of  the  brawl- 
ing warriors  of  Greece,  and  in  the  end  the  crusade  against 
the  Manhattoes  was  abandoned. 

It  is  said  that  the  moss-troopers  of  Connecticut  were 
sorely  disappointed  ;  but  well  for  them  that  their  bellig- 
erent cravings  were  not  gratified :  for  by  my  faith,  what- 
ever might  have  been  the  ultimate  result  of  a  conflict  with 
all  the  powers  of  the  east,  in  the  interim  the  stomachful 
heroes  of  Pyquag  would  have  been  choked  with  their  own 
onions,  and  all  the  border-towns  of  Connecticut  would 
have  had  such  a  scouring  from  the  lion-hearted  Peter  and 
his  robustious  myrmidons,  that  I  warrant  me  they  would 
not  have  had  the  stomach  to  squat  on  the  land  or  invade 
the  hen-roost  of  a  Nederlander  for  a  century  to  come. 

But  it  was  not  merely  the  refusal  of  Massachusetts  to 
join  in  their  unholy  crusade  that  confounded  the  councils 
of  the  league  ;  for  about  this  time  broke  out  in  the  New- 
England  provinces  the  awful  plague  of  witchcraft,  which 
spread  like  pestilence  through  the  land.  Such  a  howling 
abomination  could  not  be  suffered  to  remain  long  unno- 
ticed ;  it  soon  excited  the  fiery  indignation  of  those 
guardians  of  the  commonwealth  who  whilom  had  evinced 

*  Hazard's  State  Papers. 


WITCHCRAFT.  311 

such  active  benevolence  in  the  conversion  of  Quakers  and 
Anabaptists.  The  grand  council  of  the  league  publicly 
set  their  faces  against  the  crime,  and  bloody  laws  were 
enacted  against  all  "solem  conversing  or  compacting  with 
the  divil  by  way  of  conjuracion  or  the  like."*  Strict 
search,  too,  was  made  after  witches,  who  were  easily  de- 
tected by  devil's  pinches, — by  being  able  to  weep  but 
three  tears,  and  those  out  of  the  left  eye, — and  by  hav- 
ing a  most  suspicious  predilection  for  black  cats  and 
broomsticks !  "What  is  particularly  worthy  of  admiration 
is,  that  this  terrible  art,  which  has  baffled  the  studies 
and  researches  of  philosophers,  astrologers,  theurgists, 
and  other  sages,  was  chiefly  confined  to  the  most  ignorant, 
decrepit,  and  ugly  old  women  in  the  community,  with 
scarce  more  brains  than  the  broomsticks  they  rode  upon. 

When  once  an  alarm  is  sounded,  the  public,  who  dearly 
love  to  be  in  a  panic,  are  always  ready  to  keep  it  up; 
liaise  but  the  cry  of  yellow  fever,  and  immediately  every 
headache,  indigestion,  and  overflowing  of  the  bile  is  pro- 
nounced the  terrible  epidemic;  cry  out  mad  dog,  and 
every  unlucky  cur  in  the  street  is  in  jeopardy  :  so  in  the 
present  instance,  whoever  was  troubled  with  colic  or 
lumbago  was  sure  to  be  bewitched, — and  woe  to  any  un- 
lucky old  woman  living  in  the  neighborhood ! 

It  is  incredible  the  number  of  offences  that  were  de- 
tected, "for  every  one  of  which,"  says  the  reverend  Cot- 

*  New  Plymouth  record. 


342  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

ton  Mather,  in  that  excellent  work  the  History  of  New 
England,  "we  have  such  a  sufficient  evidence,  that  no 
reasonable  man  in  this  whole  country  ever  did  question 
them  ;  and  it  will  be  unreasonable  to  do  it  in  any  other."  * 

Indeed,  that  authentic  and  judicious  historian  John 
Josselyn,  Geirt.,  furnishes  us  with  unquestionable  facts 
on  this  subject.  "  There  are  none,"  observes  he,  "  that 
beg  in  this  country,  but  there  be  witches  too  many, — 
bottle-bellied  witches,  and  others,  that  produce  many 
strange  apparitions,  if  you  will  believe  report,  of  a  shal- 
lop at  sea  manned  with  women, — and  of  a  ship  and  great 
red  horse  standing  by  the  main-mast ;  the  ship  being  in  a 
small  cove  to  the  eastward,  vanished  of  a  sudden,"  etc. 

The  number  of  delinquents,  however,  and  their  magi- 
cal devices,  were  not  more  remarkable  than  their  diaboli- 
cal obstinacy.  Though  exhorted  in  the  most  solemn, 
persuasive,  and  affectionate  manner  to  confess  themselves 
guilty,  and  be  burnt  for  the  good  of  religion  and  the 
entertainment  of  the  public,  yet  did  they  most  pertina- 
ciously persist  in  asserting  their  innocence.  Such  in- 
credible obstinacy  was  in  itself  deserving  of  immediate 
punishment,  and  was  sufficient  proof,  if  proof  were  neces- 
sary, that  they  were  in  league  with  the  devil,  who  is  per- 
verseness  itself.  But  their  judges  were  just  and  merciful, 
and  were  determined  to  punish  none  that  were  not  con- 
victed on  the  best  of  testimony;  not  that  they  needed 

*  Mather's  Hist.  New  Eng.  B.  6,  ch.  7. 


WITCHCRAFT.  343 

any  evidence  to  satisfy  their  own  minds, — for,  like  true 
and  experienced  judges,  their  minds  were  perfectly  made 
up,  and  they  were  thoroughly  satisfied  of  the  guilt  of  the 
prisoners  before  they  proceeded  to  try  them, — but  still 
something  was  necessary  to  convince  the  community  at 
large, — to  quiet  those  prying  quidnuncs  who  should  come 
after  them, — in  short,  the  world  must  be  satisfied.  Oh, 
the  world — the  world ! — all  the  world  knows  the  world  of 
trouble  the  world  is  eternally  occasioning !  The  worthy 
judges  therefore,  were  driven  to  the  necessity  of  sifting, 
detecting,  and  making  evident  as  noonday,  matters  which 
were  at  the  commencement  all  clearly  understood  and 
firmly  decided  upon  in  their  own  pericraniums, — so  that 
it  may  truly  be  said,  that  the  witches  were  burnt  to  grat- 
ify the  populace  of  the  day,  but  were  tried  for  the  satis- 
faction of  the  whole  world  that  should  come  after  them  ! 

Finding,  therefore,  that  neither  exhortation,  sound  rea- 
son, nor  friendly  entreaty  had  any  avail  on  these  har- 
dened offenders,  they  resorted  to  the  more  urgent  argu- 
ments of  torture  ;  and  having  thus  absolutely  wrung  the 
truth  from  their  stubborn  lips,  they  condemned  them  to 
undergo  the  roasting  due  unto  the  heinous  crimes  they 
had  confessed.  Some  even  carried  their  perverseness 
so  far  as  to  expire  under  the  torture,  protesting  their 
innocence  to  the  last ;  but  these  were  looked  upon  as 
thoroughly  and  absolutely  possessed  by  the  devil;  and 
the  pious  by-standers  only  lamented  that  they  had  not 
lived  a  little  longer,  to  have  perished  in  the  flames. 


344  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

In  the  city  of  Epliesus,  we  are  told  that  the  plague  wag 
expelled  by  stoning  a  ragged  old  beggar  to  death,  whom 
Apollonius  pointed  out  as  being  the  evil  spirit  that 
caused  it,  and  who  actually  showed  himself  to  be  a 
demon,  by  changing  into  a  shagged  dog.  In  like  manner, 
and  by  measures  equally  sagacious,  a  salutary  check  was 
given  to  this  growing  evil.  The  witches  were  all  burnt, 
banished,  or  panic-struck,  and  in  a  little  while  there  was 
not  an  ugly  old  woman  to  be  found  throughout  New  Eng- 
land,— which  is  doubtless  one  reason  why  all  the  young 
women  there  are  so  handsome.  Those  honest  folk  who 
had  suffered  from  their  incantations  gradually  recov- 
ered, excepting  such  as  had  been  afflicted  with  twitches 
and  aches,  which,  however,  assumed  the  less  alarming  as- 
pects of  rheumatisms,  sciatics,  and  lumbagos ;  and  the 
good  people  of  New  England,  abandoning  the  study  of 
the  occult  sciences,  turned  their  attention  to  the  more 
profitable  hocus-pocus  of  trade,  and  soon  became  expert 
in  the  legerdemain  art  of  turning  a  penny.  Still,  how- 
ever, a  tinge  of  the  old  leaven  is  discernible,  even  unto 
this  day,  in  their  characters :  witches  occasionally  start 
up  among  them  in  different  disguises,  as  physicians,  civil- 
ians, and  divines.  The  people  at  large  show  a  keenness, 
a  cleverness,  and  a  profundity  of  wisdom,  that  savors 
strongly  of  witchcraft ;  and  it  has  been  remarked,  that, 
whenever  any  stones  fall  from  the  moon,  the  greater  part 
of  them  is  sure  to  tumble  into  New  England ! 


CHAPTER  IX. 

WHICH  RECORDS  THE  RISE  AND  RENOWN  OF  A  MILITARY  COMMANDER,  SHOWING 
THAT  A  MAN,  LIKE  A  BLADDER,  MAY  BE  PUFFED  UP  TO  GREATNESS  BY  MERE 
WIND  ;  TOGETHER  WITH  THE  CATASTROPHE  OF  A  VETERAN  AND  HIS  QUEUE. 

|HEN  treating  of  these  tempestuous  times,  the 
unknown  writer  of  the  Stuyvesaut  manuscript 
breaks  out  into  an  apostrophe  in  praise  of  the 
good  St.  Nicholas,  to  whose  protecting  care  he  ascribes 
the  dissensions  which  broke  out  in  the  council  of  the 
league,  and  the  direful  witchcraft  which  filled  all  Yankee 
land  as  with  Egyptian  darkness. 

A  portentous  gloom,  says  he,  hung  lowering  over  the 
fair  valleys  of  the  East :  the  pleasant  banks  of  the  Con- 
necticut no  longer  echoed  to  the  sounds  of  rustic  gayety  ; 
grisly  phantoms  glided  about  each  wild  brook  and  silent 
glen ;  fearful  apparitions  were  seen  in  the  air ;  strange 
voices  were  heard  in  solitary  places ;  and  the  border- 
towns  were  so  occupied  in  detecting  and  punishing  losel 
witches,  that,  for  a  time,  all  talk  of  war  was  suspended, 
and  New  Amsterdam  and  its  inhabitants  seemed  to  be  to- 
tally forgotten. 

I  must  not  conceal  the  fact  that  at  one  time  there  was 
some  danger  of  this  plague  of  witchcraft  extending  into 

345 


346  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

the  New  Netherlands ;  and  certain  witches,  mounted  on 
broomsticks,  are  said  to  have  been  seen  whisking  in  the 
air  over  some  of  the  Dutch  villages  near  the  borders; 
but  the  worthy  Nederlanders  took  the  precaution  to  nail 
horse-shoes  to  their  doors,  which  it  is  well  known  are 
effectual  barriers  against  all  diabolical  vermin  of  the  kind. 
Many  of  those  horse-shoes  may  be  seen  at  this  very  day 
on  ancient  mansions  and  barns,  remaining  from  the  days 
of  the  patriarchs  :  nay,  the  custom  is  still  kept  up  among 
some  of  our  legitimate  Dutch  yeomanry,  who  inherit  from 
their  forefathers  a  desire  to  keep  witches  and  Yankees 
out  of  the  country. 

And  now  the  great  Peter,  having  no  immediate  hostility 
to  apprehend  from  the  east,  turned  his  face,  with  charac- 
teristic vigilance,  to  his  southern  frontiers.  The  attentive 
reader  will  recollect  that  certain  freebooting  Swedes  had 
become  very  troublesome  in  this  quarter  in  the  latter  part 
of  the  reign  of  William  the  Testy,  setting  at  naught  the 
proclamations  of  that  veritable  potentate,  and  putting  his 
admiral,  the  intrepid  Jan  Jansen  Alpendam,  to  a  perfect 
nonplus.  To  check  the  incursions  of  these  Swedes,  Peter 
Stuyvesant  now  ordered  a  force  to  that  frontier,  giving 
the  command  of  it  to  General  Jacobus  Yan  Poffenburgh, 
an  officer  who  had  risen  to  great  importance  during  the 
reign  of  Wilhelmus  Kieft.  He  had,  if  histories  speak 
true,  been  second  in  command  to  the  doughty  Van  Curlet, 
when  he  and  his  warriors  were  inhumanly  kicked  out  of 
Fort  Goed  Hoop  by  the  Yankees.  In  that  memorable  af- 


VAN  FOFFENBURGH.  347 

fair  Van  Poffenburgh  is  said  to  have  received  moie  kicks 
in  a  certain  honorable  part  than  any  of  his  comrades,  in 
consequence  of  which,  on  the  resignation  of  Van  Curlet, 
he  had  been  promoted  to  his  place,  being  considered  a 
hero  who  had  seen  service,  and  suffered  in  his  country's 
cause. 

It  is  tropically  observed  by  honest  old  Socrates,  that 
heaven  infuses  into  some  men  at  their  birth  a  portion  of 
intellectual  gold,  into  others  of  intellectual  silver,  while 
others  are  intellectually  furnished  with  iron  and  brass. 
Of  the  last  class  was  General  Yan  Poffenburgh ;  and  it 
would  seem  as  if  dame  Nature,  who  will  sometimes  be 
partial,  had  given  him  brass  enough  for  a  dozen  ordinary 
braziers.  All  this  he  had  contrived  to  pass  off  upon 
"William  the  Testy  for  genuine  gold ;  and  the  little  gover- 
nor would  sit  for  hours  and  listen  to  his  gunpowder 
stories  of  exploits,  which  left  those  of  Tirante  the  "White, 
Don  Belianis  of  Greece,  or  St.  George  and  the  Dragon 
quite  in  the  background.  Having  been  promoted  by 
William  Kieft  to  the  command  of  his  whole  disposable 
forces,  he  gave  importance  to  his  station  by  the  grandilo- 
quence of  his  bulletins,  always  styling  himself  Command- 
er-in-chief of  the  Armies  of  the  New  Netherlands,  though 
in  sober  truth,  these  armies  were  nothing  more  than  a 
handful  of  hen-stealing,  bottle-bruising  ragamuffins. 

In  person  he  was  not  very  tall,  but  exceedingly  round ; 
neither  did  his  bulk  proceed  from  his  being  fat,  but 
windy,  being  blown  up  by  a  prodigious  conviction  of  his 


3 .j.3  HISTORY  OF  NEVS  YORK. 

own  importance,  until  lie  resembled  one  of  those  bags  of 
wind  given  by  JEolus,  in  an  incredible  fit  of  generosity, 
to  that  vagabond  warrior  Ulysses.  His  windy  endow- 
ments had  long  excited  the  admiration  of  Antony  Yan 
Corlear,  who  is  said  to  have  hinted  more  than  once  to 
William  the  Testy,  that  in  making  Yan  Poffenburgh  a 
general  he  had  spoiled  an  admirable  trumpeter. 

As  it  is  the  practice  in  ancient  story  to  give  the  reader 
a  description  of  the  arms  and  equipments  of  every  noted 
warrior,  I  will  bestow  a  word  upon  the  dress  of  this  re- 
doubtable commander.  It  comported  with  his  character, 
being  so  crossed  and  slashed,  and  embroidered  with  lace 
and  tinsel,  that  he  seemed  to  have  as  much  brass  without 
as  nature  had  stored  away  within.  He  was  swathed,  too, 
in  a  crimson  sash,  of  the  size  and  texture  of  a  fishing-net, 
—  doubtless  to  keep  'his  swelling  heart  from  bursting 
through  his  ribs.  His  face  glowed  writh  furnace-heat 
from  between  a  huge  pair  of  well-powdered  whiskers ; 
and  his  valorous  soul  seemed  ready  to  bounce  out  of  a 
pair  of  large,  glassy,  blinking  eyes,  projecting  like  those 
of  a  lobster. 

I  swear  to  thee,  worthy  reader,  if  history  and  tradition 
belie  not  this  wrarrior,  I  would  give  all  the  money  in  my 
pocket  to  have  seen  him  accoutred  cap-a-pie,  —  booted 
to  the  middle,  sashed  to  the  chin,  collared  to  the  ears, 
whiskered  to  the  teeth,  crowned  with  an  overshadowing 
cocked  hat,  and  girded  with  a  leathern  belt  ten  inche- 
broad,  from  which  trailed  a  falchion,  of  a  length  that 


VAN  POFFENBURGH.  349 

dare  not  mention.  Thus  equipped,  he  strutted  about,  as 
bitter-looking  a  man  of  war  as  the  far-famed  More,  of 
More-hall,  when  he  sallied  forth  to  slay  the  dragon  of 
"Wautley.  For  what  says  the  ballad  ? 

"Had  you  but  seen  him  in  this  dress, 

How  fierce  he  looked  and  how  big, 
You  would  have  thought  him  for  to  be 

Some  Egyptian  porcupig. 
He  frighted  all — cats,  dogs,  and  all, 

Each  cow,  each  horse,  and  each  hog ; 
For  fear  they  did  flee,  for  they  took  him  to  be 

Some  strange  outlandish  hedge-hog."* 

I  must  confess  this  general,  with  all  his  outward  valor 
and  ventosity,  was  not  exactly  an  officer  to  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant's  taste,  but  he  stood  foremost  in  the  army  list  of 
William  the  Testy ;  and  it  is  probable  the  good  Peter, 
who  was  conscientious  in  his  dealings  with  all  men,  and 
had  his  military  notions  of  precedence,  thought  it  but  fair 
to  give  him  a  chance  of  proving  his  right  to  his  dignities. 

To  this  copper  captain,  therefore,  was  confided  the 
command  of  the  troops  destined  to  protect  the  southern 
frontier;  and  scarce  had  he  departed  for  his  station  than 
bulletins  began  to  arrive  from  him,  describing  his  un- 
daunted march  through  savage  deserts,  over  insurmount- 
able mountains,  across  impassable  rivers,  and  through 
impenetrable  forests,  conquering  vast  tracts  of  uninhab- 

*  Ballad  of  Dragon  of  Wantley. 


350  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

ited  country,  and  encountering  more  perils  than  did 
Xenophon  in  his  far-famed  retreat  with  his  ten  thousand 
Grecians. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  read  all  these  grandiloquent  de- 
spatches with  a  dubious  screwing  of  the  mouth  and  shak- 
ing of  the  head  ;  but  Antony  Van  Corlear  repeated  these 
contents  in  the  streets  and  market-places  with  an  appro- 
priate flourish  upon  his  trumpet,  and  the  windy  victories 
of  the  general  resounded  through  the  streets  of  New  Am- 
sterdam. 

On  arriving  at  the  southern  frontier,  Yan  Poffenburgh 
proceeded  to  erect  a  fortress,  or  stronghold,  on  the  South 
or  Delaware  river.  At  first  he  bethought  him  to  call 
it  Fort  Stuyvesant,  in  honor  of  the  governor, — a  lowly 
kind  of  homage  prevalent  in  our  country  among  spec- 
ulators, military  commanders,  and  office-seekers  of  all 
kinds,  by  which  our  maps  come  to  be  studded  with  the 
names  of  political  patrons  and  temporary  great  men ;  in 
the  present  instance,  Yan  Poffenburgh  carried  his  hom- 
age to  the  most  lowly  degree,  giving  his  fortress  the  name 
of  Fort  Casimir,  in  honor,  it  is  said,  of  a  favorite  pair  of 
brimstone  trunk-breeches  of  his  Excellency. 

As  this  fort  will  be  found  to  give  rise  to  important 
events,  it  may  be  worth  while  to  notice  that  it  was  after- 
wards called  Nieuw  Amstel,  and  was  the  germ  of  the 
present  flourishing  town  of  New  Castle,  or,  more  properly 
speaking,  No  Castle,  there  being  nothing  of  the  kind  on 
the  premises. 


VAN  POFFENBUROH.  351 

His  fortress  being  finished,  it  would  have  done  any 
man's  heart  good  to  behold  the  swelling  dignity  with 
which  the  general  would  stride  in  and  out  a  dozen  times 
a  day,  surveying  it  in  front  and  in  rear,  on  this  side  and 
on  that ;  how  he  would  strut  backwards  and  forwards,  in 
full  regimentals,  on  the  top  of  the  ramparts, — like  a  vain- 
glorious cock-pigeon,  swelling  and  vaporing  on  the  top  of 
a  dove-cot. 

There  is  a  kind  of  valorous  spleen  which,  like  wind,  is 
apt  to  grow  unruly  in  the  stomachs  of  newly  made  sol- 
diers, compelling  them  to  box-lobby  brawls  and  broken- 
headed  quarrels,  unless  there  can  be  found  some  more 
harmless  way  to  give  it  vent.  It  is  recorded  in  the  de- 
lectable romance  of  Pierce  Forest,  that  a  young  knight, 
being  dubbed  by  King  Alexander,  did  incontinently  gal- 
lop into  an  adjacent  forest  and  belabor  the  trees  with 
such  nr.ght  and  main,  that  he  not  merely  eased  off  the 
sudden  effervescence  of  his  valor,  but  convinced  thq 
whole  court  that  he  was  the  most  potent  and  courageous 
cavalier  on  the  face  of  the  earth.  In  like  manner  the 
commander  of  Fort  Casimir,  when  he  found  his  martial 
spirit  waxing  too  hot  within  him,  would  sally  forth  into 
the  fields  and  lay  about  him  most  lustily  with  his  sabre, 
— decapitating  cabbages  by  platoons,  hewing  down  lofty 
sunflowers,  which  he  termed  gigantic  Swedes,  and  if, 
perchance,  he  espied  a  colony  of  big-bellied  pumpkins 
quietly  basking  in  the  sun, — "  Ah  !  caitiff  Yankees," 
would  he  roar,  "  have  I  caught  ye  at  last  ?  " — So  saying, 


352  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

•with  one  sweep  of  his  sword  he  would  cleave  the  unhap- 
py vegetables  from  their  chins  to  their  waistbands ;  by 
which  warlike  havoc  his  choler  being  in  some  sort  al- 
layed, he  would  return  into  the  fortress  with  the  full  con- 
viction that  he  was  a  very  miracle  of  military  prowess. 

He  was  a  disciplinarian,  too,  of  the  first  order.  Woe 
to  any  unlucky  soldier  who  did  not  hold  up  his  head  and 
turn  out  his  toes  when  on  parade,  or  who  did  not  salute 
the  general  in  proper  style  as  he  passed.  Having  one 
day,  in  his  Bible  researches,  encountered  the  history  of 
Absalom  and  his  melancholy  end,  the  general  bethought 
him,  that,  in  a  country  abounding  with  forests,  his  sol- 
diers were  in  constant  risk  of  a  like  catastrophe;  he 
therefore,  in  an  evil  hour,  issued  orders  for  cropping  the 
hair  of  both  officers  and  men  throughout  the  garrison. 

Now,  so  it  happened,  that  among  his  officers  was  a 
sturdy  veteran  named  Keldermeester,  who  had  cherished, 
through  a  long  life,  a  mop  of  hair  not  a  little  resembling 
the  shag  of  a  Newfoundland  dog,  terminating  in  a  queue 
like  the  handle  of  a  frying-pan,  and  queued  so  tightly  to 
his  head  that  his  eyes  and  mouth  generally  stood  ajar, 
and  his  eyebrows  were  drawn  up  to  the  top  of  his  fore- 
head. It  may  naturally  be  supposed  that  the  possessor 
of  so  goodly  an  appendage  would  resist  with  abhorrence 
an  order  condemning  it  to  the  shears.  On  hearing  the 
general  orders,-  he  discharged  a  tempest  of  veteran,  sol- 
dier-like oaths,  and  dunder  and  blixums, — swore  he 
would  break  any  man's  head  who  attempted  to  meddle 


KELDERMEESTER.  353 

with  his  tail, — queued  it  stiffer  than  ever,  and  whisked  it 
about  the  garrison  as  fiercely  as  the  tail  of  a  crocodile. 

The  eel-skin  queue  of  old  Keldermeester  became  in- 
stantly an  affair  of  the  utmost  importance.  The  Com- 
mander-in-chief was  too  enlightened  an  officer  not  to 
perceive  that  the  discipline  of  the  garrison,  the  subordi- 
nation and  good  order  of  the  armies  of  the  Nieuw  Neder- 
lands,  the  consequent  safety  of  the  whole  province,  and 
ultimately  the  dignity  and  prosperity  of  their  High 
Mightinesses  the  Lords  States  General,  imperiously  de- 
manded the  docking  of  that  stubborn  queue.  He  de- 
creed, therefore,  that  old  Keldermeester  should  be  pub- 
licly shorn  of  his  glories  in  presence  of  the  whole  garri- 
son ;  the  old  man  as  resolutely  stood  on  the  defensive ; 
whereupon  lie  wa,,?  arrested,  and  tried  by  a  court-martial 
for  mutiny,  desertion,  and  all  the  other  list  of  offences 
noticed  in  the  articles  of  war,  ending  with  a  "  videlicet, 
in  wearing  an  eel-skin  queue,  three  feet  long,  contrary  to 
orders."  Then  came  on  arraignments,  .and  trials,  and 
pleadings ;  and  the  whole  garrison  was  in  a  ferment 
about  this  unfortunate  queue.  As  it  is  well  known  that 
the  commander  of  a  frontier  post  has  the  power  of  acting 
pretty  much  after  his  own  will,  there  is  little  doubt  but 
that  the  veteran  would  have  been  hanged  or  shot  at  least, 
had  he  not  luckily  fallen  ill  of  a  fever,  through  mere 
chagrin  and  mortification, — and  deserted  from  all  earthly 
command,  with  his  beloved  locks  unviolated.  His  obsti- 
nacy remained  unshaken  to  the  very  last  moment,  when 
23 


354  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

he  directed  that  lie  should  be  carried  to  his  grave  with 
his  eel-skin  queue  sticking  out  of  a  hole  in  his  coffin. 

This  magnanimous  affair  obtained  the  general  great 
credit  as  a  disciplinarian ;  but  it  is  hinted  that  he  was 
ever  afterwards  subject  to  bad  dreams  and  fearful  visi- 
tations in  the  night,  when  the  grizzly  spectrum  of  old 
Keldermeester  would  stand  sentinel  by  his  bedside,  erect 
as  a  pump,  his  enormous  queue  strutting  out  like  the 
handle, 


BOOE  VI 

CONTAINING  THE  SECOND  PAET  OF  THE  EEIGN  OP  PETER  THE    HEADSTRONG, 
AND  HIS  GALLANT  ACHIEVEMENTS  ON  THE  DELAWARE. 


CHAPTER  I. 

IN  WHICH  IS  EXHIBITED  A  WARLIKE  PORTRAIT  OP  THE  GREAT  PETER— OF  THR 
WINDY  CONTEST  OF  GENERAL  VAN  POFFENBURGH  AND  GENERAL  PKINTZ,  AND 
OF  THE  MOSQUITO  WAR  ON  THE  DELAWARE. 


ITHEETO,  most  venerable  and  courteous  read- 
er, have  I  shown  thee  the  administration  of  the 
valorous  Stuyvesant,  under  the  mild  moonshine 
of  peace,  or  rather  the  grim  tranquillity  of  awful  expec- 
tation; but  now  the  war-drum  rumbles  from  afar,  the 
brazen  trumpet  brays  its  thrilling  note,  and  the  rude 
crash  of  hostile  arms  speaks  fearful  prophecies  of  coming 
troubles.  The  gallant  warrior  starts  from  soft  repose, 

355 


356  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

from  golden  visions  and  voluptuous  ease,  where  in  tlie 
dulcet,  "piping  time  of  peace"  lie  sought  sweet  solace 
after  all  his  toils.  No  more  in  beauty's  siren  lap  reclin- 
ed, he  weaves  fair  garlands  for  his  lady's  brows ;  no  more 
entwines  with  flowers  his  shining  sword,  nor  through  the 
livelong  lazy  summer's  day  chants  forth  his  love-sick  soul 
in  madrigals.  To  manhood  roused,  he  spurns  the  amor- 
ous flute  ;  doffs  from  his  brawny  back  the  robe  of  peace, 
and  clothes  his  pampered  limbs  in  panoply  of  steel. 
O'er  his  dark  brow,  where  late  the  myrtle  waved,  where 
wanton  roses  breathed  enervate  love,  he  rears  the  beam- 
ing casque  and  nodding  plume  ;  grasps  the  bright  shield, 
and  shakes  the  ponderous  lance ;  or  mounts  with  eager 
pride  his  fiery  steed,  and  burns  for  deeds  of  glorious 
chivalry ! 

But  soft,  worthy  reader !  I  would  not  have  you  imagine 
that  any  preux  chevalier,  thus  hideously  begirt  with  iron, 
existed  in  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam.  This  is  but  a 
lofty  and  gigantic  mode,  in  which  we  heroic  writers  al- 
ways talk  of  war,  thereby  to  give  it  a  noble  and  imposing 
aspect, — equipping  our  warriors  with  bucklers,  helms, 
and  lances,  and  such  like  outlandish  and  obsolete  weap- 
ons, the  like  of  which  perchance  they  had  never  seen  or 
heard  of, — in  the  same  manner  that  a  cunning  statuary 
arrays  a  modern  general  or  an  admiral  in  the  accoutre- 
ments of  a  Caesar  or  an  Alexander.  The  simple  truth,, 
then,  of  all  this  oratorical  flourish  is  this,  that  the  vali- 
ant Peter  Stuyvesant  all  of  a  sudden  found  it  necessary 


PETER  IN   WARRIOR'S  ARRAY.  357 

to  scour  his  rusty  blade,  which  too  long  had  rusted  in  its 
scabbard,  and  prepare  himself  to  undergo  those  hardy 
toils  of  war  in  which  his  mighty  soul  so  much  de- 
lighted. 

Methinks  I  at  this  moment  behold  him  in  my  imagina- 
tion, or  rather,  I  behold  his  goodly  portrait,  which  still 
hangs  up  in  the  family  mansion  of  the  Stuyvesants,  ar- 
rayed in  all  the  terrors  of  a  true  Dutch  general.  His 
regimental  coat  of  German  blue,  gorgeously  decorated 
with  a  goodly  show  of  large  brass  buttons,  reaching  from 
his  waistband  to  his  chin ;  the  voluminous  skirts  turned 
up  at  the  corners  and  separating  gallantly  behind,  so 
as  to  display  the  seat  of  a  sumptuous  pair  of  brim- 
stone-colored trunk-breeches, — a  graceful  style  still  prev- 
alent among  the  warriors  of  our  day,  and  which  is  in 
conformity  to  the  custom  of  ancient  heroes,  who  scorned 
to  defend  themselves  in  rear.  His  face  rendered  ex- 
ceeding terrible  and  warlike  by  a  pair  of  black  musta- 
chios  ;  his  hair  strutting  out  on  each  side  in  stiffly  poma- 
tumed ear-locks,  and  descending  in  a  rat-tail  queue  below 
his  waist ;  a  shining  stock  of  black  leather  supporting 
his  chin,  and  a  little  but  fierce  cocked  hat,  stuck  with  a 
gallant  and  fiery  air  over  his  left  eye.  Such  was  the 
chivalric  port  of  Peter  the  Headstrong ;  and  when  he 
made  a  sudden  halt,  planted  himself  firmly  on  his  solid 
supporter,  with  his  wooden  leg,  inlaid  with  silver,  a  lit- 
tle in  advance,  in  order  to  strengthen  his  position,  his 
right  hand  grasping  a  gold-headed  cane,  his  left  resting 


358  BISTORT  OF  NEW  TORE. 

upon  the  pummel  of  his  sword,  his  head  dressing  spirit- 
edly to  the  right,  with  a  most  appalling  and  hard-favored 
frown  upon  his  brow, — he  presented  altogether  one  of  the 
most  commanding,  bitter-looking,  and  soldier-like  figures 
that  ever  strutted  upon  canvas. — Proceed  we  now  to  in- 
quire the  cause  of  this  warlike  preparation. 

In  the  preceding  chapter  we  have  spoken  of  the  found- 
ing of  Fort  Casimir,  and  of  the  merciless  warfare  waged 
by  its  commander  upon  cabbages,  sunflowers,  and  pump- 
kins, for  want  of  better  occasion  to  flesh  his  sword.  Now 
it  came  to  pass,  that,  higher  up  the  Delaware,  at  his 
stronghold  of  Tinnekonk,  resided  one  Jan  Printz,  who 
styled  himself  Governor  of  New  Sweden.  If  history  be- 
lie not  this  redoubtable  Swede,  he  was  a  rival  worthy  of 
the  windy  and  inflated  commander  of  Fort  Casimir,  for 
master  David  Pieterzen  de  Yrie,  in  his  excellent  book  of 
voyages,  describes  him  as  "  weighing  upwards  of  four 
hundred  pounds,"  a  huge  feeder  and  bowser  in  propor- 
tion, taking  three  potations  pottle-deep  at  every  meal. 
He  had  a  garrison  after  his  own  heart  at  Tinnekonk, — 
guzzling,  deep-drinking  swashbucklers,  who  made  the 
wild  woods  ring  with  their  carousals. 

No  sooner  did  this  robustious  commander  hear  of  the 
erection  of  Fort  Casimir,  than  he  sent  a  message  to  Van 
Poffenburgh,  warning  him  off  the  land,  as  being  within 
the  bounds  of  his  jurisdiction. 

To  this,  General  Van  Poffenburgh  replied  that  the  land 
belonged  to  their  High  Mightinesses,  having  been  regu- 


BLUSTERING   WARFARE.  359 

larly  purchased  of  the  natives,  as  discoverers  from  the 
Manhattoes,  as  witness  the  breeches  of  their  land-ineas- 
urer  Ten  Broeck. 

To  this  the  governor  rejoined  that  the  land  had  previ- 
ously been  sold  by  the  Indians  to  the  Swedes,  and  conse- 
quently was  under  the  petticoat  government  of  her  Swed- 
ish majesty,  Christina;  and  woe  be  to  any  mortal  that 
wore  breeches  who  should  dare  to  meddle  even  with  the 
hem  of  her  sacred  garment. 

I  forbear  to  dilate  upon  the  war  of  words  which  was 
kept  up  for  some  time  by  these  windy  commanders ;  Van 
Poffenburgh,  however,  had  served  under  William  the  Tes- 
ty, and  was  a  veteran  in  this  kind  of  warfare.  Governor 
Printz,  finding  he  was  not  to  be  dislodged  by  these  long 
shots,  now  determined  upon  coming  to  closer  quarters. 
Accordingly,  he  descended  the  river  in  great  force  and 
fume,  and  erected  a  rival  fortress  just  one  Swedish  mile 
below  Fort  Casimir,  to  which  he  gave  the  name  of  Hel- 
senburg. 

And  now  commenced  a  tremendous  rivalry  between 
these  two  doughty  commanders,  striving  to  out-strut  and 
out-swell  each  other  like  a  couple  of  belligerent  turkey- 
cocks.  There  was  a  contest  who  should  run  up  the  tall- 
est flag-staff  and  display  the  broadest  flag ;  all  day  long 
there  was  a  furious  rolling  of  drums  and  twanging  of 
trumpets  in  either  fortress,  and  whichever  had  the  wind 
in  its  favor  would  keep  up  a  continual  firing  of  can- 
non, to  taunt  its  antagonist  with  the  smell  of  gunpowder. 


360  HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

On  all  these  points  of  windy  warfare  the  antagonists 
were  well  matched;  but  so  it  happened,  that,  the 
Swedish  fortress  being  lower  down  the  river,  all  the 
Dutch  vessels  bound  to  Fort  Casimir  with  supplies 
had  to  pass  it.  Governor  Printz  at  once  took  advan- 
tage of  this  circumstance,  and  compelled  them  to  lower 
their  flags  as  they  passed  under  the  guns  of  his  bat- 
tery. 

This  was  a  deadly  wound  to  the  Dutch  pride  of  General 
Van  Poffenburgh,  and  sorely  would  he  swell  when  from 
the  ramparts  of  Fort  Casimir  he  beheld  the  flag  of  their 
High  Mightinesses  struck  to  the  rival  fortress.  To 
heighten  his  vexation,  Governor  Printz,  who,  as  has  been 
shown,  was  a  huge  trencherman,  took  the  liberty  of  hav- 
ing the  first  rummage  of  every  Dutch  merchant-ship,  and 
securing  to  himself  and  his  guzzling  garrison  all  the  little 
round  Dutch  cheeses,  all  the  Dutch  herrings,  the  ginger- 
bread, the  sweetmeats,  the  curious  stone  jugs  of  gin,  and 
all  the  other  Dutch  luxuries,  on  their  way  for  the  solace 
of  Fort  Casimir.  It  is  possible  he  may  have  paid  to  the 
Dutch  skippers  the  full  value  of  their  commodities;  but 
what  consolation  was  this  to  Jacobus  Van  Poffenburgh  and 
his  garrison,  who  thus  found  their  favorite  supplies  cut  off, 
and  diverted  into  the  larders  of  the  hostilo  camp?  For 
some  time  this  war  of  the  cupboard  was  carried  on  to  the 
great  festivity  and  jollification  of  the  Swedes,  while  the 
warriors  of  Fort  Casimir  found  their  hearts,  or  rather 
their  stomachs,  daily  failing  them.  At  length  the  sum- 


MOSQUITOES  TRIUMPHANT.  361 

mer  heats  and  summer  showers  set  in,  and  now,  lo  and 
behold,  a  great  miracle  was  wrought  for  the  relief  of  the 
Nederlands,  not  a  little  resembling  one  of  the  plagues  of 
Egypt ;  for  it  came  to  pass  that  a  great  cloud  of  mosqui- 
toes arose  out  of  the  marshy  borders  of  the  river  and  set- 
tled upon  the  fortress  of  Helsenburg,  being,  doubtless, 
attracted  by  the  scent  of  the  fresh  blood  of  these  Swed- 
ish gormandizers.  Nay,  it  is  said  that  the  body  of  Jan 
Printz  alone,  which  was  as  big  and  as  full  of  blood  as  that 
of  a  prize-ox,  was  sufficient  to  attract  the  mosquitoes  from 
every  part  of  the  country.  For  some  time  the  garrison 
endeavored  to  hold  out,  but  it  was  all  in  vain ;  the  mos- 
quitoes penetrated  into  every  chink  and  crevice,  and  gave 
them  no  rest  day  nor  night;  and  as  to  Governor  Jan 
Printz,  he  moved  about  as  in  a  cloud,  with  mosquito  mu- 
sic in  his  ears,  and  mosquito  stings  to  the  very  end  of 
his  nose.  Finally  the  garrison  was  fairly  driven  out  of 
the  fortress,  and  obliged  to  retreat  to  Tinnekonk ;  nay,  it 
is  said  that  the  mosquitoes  followed  Jan  Printz  even 
thither,  and  absolutely  drove  him  out  of  the  country; 
certain  it  is,  he  embarked  for  Sweden  shortly  afterwards, 
and  Jan  Claudius  Eisingh  was  sent  to  govern  New  Swe- 
den in  his  stead. 

Such  was  the  famous  mosquito  war  on  the  Delaware,  of 
which  General  Van  Poffenburgh  would  fain  have  been  the 
hero ;  but  the  devout  people  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlands 
always  ascribed  the  discomfiture  of  the  Swedes  to  the 
miraculous  intervention  of  St.  Nicholas.  As  to  the 


362  BISTORT  OF  NEW   YORK. 

fortress  of  Helsenburg,  it  fell  to  ruin ;  but  the  story  of  its 
strange  destruction  was  perpetuated  by  the  Swedish  name 
of  Myggen-borg,  that  is  to  say,  Mosquito  Castle.* 

*  Acrelius's  History  N.  Sweden.     For  some  notice  of  this  miraculous 
discomfiture  of  the  Swedes,  see  N.  Y.  His.  Col.,  new  series,  Vol.  I.  p.  412. 


CHAPTEE  II. 

Or  JAN   RISINGH,    HIS  GIANTLY   PERSON  AND   CRAFTY  DEEDS;  AND  OF  THE 
CATASTROPHE   AT   FORT   CASIMIR. 


AN  CLAUDIUS  RISINGH,  who  succeeded  to 
the  command  of  New  Sweden,  looms  largely 
in  ancient  records  as  a  gigantic  Swede,  who, 
had  he  not  been  rather  knock-kneed  and  splay-footed, 
might  have  served  for  the  model  of  a  Samson  or  a 
Hercules.  He  was  no  less  rapacious  than  mighty,  and, 
withal,  as  crafty  as  he  was  rapacious ;  so  that  there  is  very 
little  doubt,  that,  had  he  lived  some  four  or  five  centuries 
since,  he  would  have  figured  as  one  of  those  wicked  giants 
who  took  a  cruel  pleasure  in  pocketing  beautiful  prin- 
cesses and  distressed  damsels,  when  gadding  about  the 
world,  and  locking  them  up  in  enchanted  castles,  without 
a  toilet,  a  change  of  linen,  or  any  other  convenience.  In 
consequence  of  which  enormities  they  fell  under  the  high 
displeasure  of  chivalry,  and  all  true,  loyal,  and  gallant 
knights  were  instructed  to  attack  and  slay  outright  any 
miscreant  they  might  happen  to  find  above  six  feet  high ; 
which  is  doubtless  one  reason  why  the  race  of  large  men 
is  nearly  extinct,  and  the  generations  of  latter  ages  are  so 

exceedingly  smalL 

363 


364  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK, 

Governor  Bisingh,  notwithstanding  his  giantly  condi- 
tion, was,  as  I  have  hinted,  a  man  of  craft.  He  was  not  a 
man  to  ruffle  the  vanity  of  General  Van  Poffenburgh,  or 
to  rub  his  self-conceit  against  the  grain.  On  the  contraiy, 
as  he  sailed  up  the  Delaware,  he  paused  before  Fort  Cas- 
imir,  displayed  his  flag,  and  fired  a  royal  salute  before 
dropping  anchor.  The  salute  would  doubtless  have  been 
returned,  had  not  the  guns  been  dismounted ;  as  it  was,  a 
veteran  sentinel,  who  had  been  napping  at  his  post,  and 
had  suffered  his  match  to  go  out,  returned  the  compli- 
ment by  discharging  his  musket  with  the  spark  of  a  pipe 
borrowed  from  a  comrade.  Governor  Bisingh  accepted 
this  as  a  courteous  reply,  and  treated  the  fortress  to  a 
second  salute,  well  knowing  its  commander  was  apt  to  be 
marvellously  delighted  with  these  little  ceremonials,  con- 
sidering them  so  many  acts  of  homage  paid  to  his  great- 
ness. He  then  prepared  to  land  with  a  military  retinue 
of  thirty  men,  a  prodigious  pageant  in  the  wilderness. 

And  now  took  place  a  terrible  rummage  and  racket  in 
Fort  Casimir,  to  receive  such  a  visitor  in  proper  style, 
and  to  make  an  imposing  appearance.  The  main  guard 
was  turned  out  as  soon  as  possible,  equipped  to  the  best 
advantage  in  the  few  suits  of  regimentals,  which  had  to 
do  duty  by  turns  with  the  whole  garrison.  One  tall,  lank 
fellow  appeared  in  a  little  man's  coat,  with  the  buttons 
between  his  shoulders;  the  skirts  scarce  covering  his 
bottom ;  his  hands  hanging  like  spades  out  of  the  sleeves 
and  the  coat  linked  in  front  by  worsted  loops  made  out  of 


A  MILITARY  RECEPTION.  SG5 

a  pair  of  red  garters.  Another  had  a  cocked  hat  stuck 
on  the  back  of  his  head,  and  decorated  with  a  bunch  of 
cock's  tails ;  a  third  had  a  pair  of  rusty  gaiters  hanging 
about  his  heels ;  while  a  fourth,  a  little  duck-legged  fellow, 
was  equipped  in  a  pair  of  the  general's  cast-off  breeches, 
which  he  held  up  with  one  hand  while  he  grasped  his 
firelock  with  the  other.  The  rest  were  accoutred  in  simi- 
lar style,  'except  three  ragamuffins  without  shirts,  and 
with  but  a  pair  and  a  half  of  breeches  between  them ; 
wherefore  they  were  sent  to  the  black  hole,  to  keep  them 
out  of  sight,  that  they  might  not  disgrace  the  fortress. 

His  men  being  thus  gallantly  arrayed,  —  those  who 
lacked  muskets  shouldering  spades  and  pickaxes,  and 
every  man  being  ordered  to  tuck  in  his  shirt-tail  and  pull 
up  his  brogues, — General  Van  Poffenburgh  first  took  a 
sturdy  draught  of  foaming  ale,  which,  like  the  magnani- 
mous More  of  More-hall,*  was  his  invariable  practice  on 
all  great  occasions  ;  this  done,  he  put  himself  at  their 
head,  and  issued  forth  from  his  castle,  like  a  mighty 
giant,  just  refreshed  with  wine.  But  when  the  two  heroes 
met,  then  began  a  scene  of  warlike  parade  that  beggars 
all  description.  The  shrewd  Eisingh,  who  had  grown 
gray  much  before  his  time  in  consequence  of  his  crafti- 
ness, saw  at  one  glance  the  ruling  passion  of  the -great 

*"....    as  soon  as  he  rose, 

To  make  him  strong  and  mighty, 
He  drank  by  the  tale,  six  pots  of  ale, 
And  a  quart  of  aqua  vitae." 

Dragon  of  Wantley. 


366  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

Van  Poffenburgh,  and  humored  him  in  all  liis  valorous 
fantasies. 

Their  detachments  were  accordingly  drawn  up  in  front 
of  each  other j  they  carried  arms  and  they  presented 
arms ;  they  gave  the  standing  salute  and  the  passing 
salute ;  they  rolled  their  drums,  they  flourished  their 
fifes,  and  they  waved  their  colors ;  they  faced  to  the  left, 
and  they  faced  to  the  right,  and  they  faced  to  the  right- 
about; they  wheeled  forward,  and  they  wheeled  back- 
ward, and  they  wheeled  into  eclieJlon;  they  marched  and 
they  countermarched,  by  grand  divisions,  by  single  divis- 
ions, and  by  subdivisions ;  by  platoons,  by  sections,  and 
by  files ;  in  qnick  time,  in  slow  time,  and  in  no  time  at 
all ;  for,  having  gone  through  all  the  evolutions  of  two 
great  armies,  including  the  eighteen  manoeuvres  of  Dun- 
das  ;  having  exhausted  all  they  could  recollect  or  imag- 
ine of  military  tactics,  including  sundry  strange  and  ir- 
regular evolutions,  the  like  of  which  were  never  seen 
before  nor  since,  excepting  among  certain  of  our  newly 
raised  militia, — the  two  commanders  and  their  respective 
troops  came  at  length  to  a  dead  halt,  completely  ex- 
hausted by  the  toils  of  war.  Never  did  two  valiant  train- 
band captains,  or  two  buskined  theatric  heroes,  in  the  re- 
nowned tragedies  of  Pizarro,  Tom  Thumb,  or  any  other 
heroical  and  fighting  tragedy,  marshal  their  gallows- 
looking,  duck-legged,  heavy-heeled  myrmidons  with  more 
glory  and  self-admiration. 

These   military   compliments  being  finished,  General 


A  MILITARY  RECEPTION".  367 

Van  Poffenburgh  escorted  his  illustrious  visitor,  with 
great  ceremony,  into  the  Fort ;  attended  him  throughout 
the  fortifications ;  showed  him  the  horn-works,  crown- 
works,  half-moons,  and  various  other  outworks,  or  rather 
the  places  where  they  ought  to  be  erected,  and  where 
they  might  be  erected  if  he  pleased ;  plainly  demonstrat- 
ing that  it  was  a  place  of  "  great  capability,"  and  though 
at  present  but  a  little  redoubt,  yet  that  it  was  evidently 
a  formidable  fortress,  in  embryo.  This  survey  over,  he 
next  had  the  whole  garrison  put  under  arms,  exercised, 
and  reviewed;  and  concluded  by  ordering  the  three 
bridewell  birds  to  be  hauled  out  of  the  black  hole, 
brought  up  to  the  halberds,  and  soundly  flogged,  for  the 
amusement  of  his  visitor,  and  to  convince  him  that  he 
was  a  great  disciplinarian. 

The  cunning  Bisingh,  while  he  pretended  to  be  struck 
dumb  outright  with  the  puissance  of  the  great  Van  Pof- 
fenburgh, took  silent  note  of  the  incompetency  of  his  gar- 
rison,— of  which  he  gave  a  vink  to  his  trusty  followers, 
who  tipped  each  other  the  wink,  and  laughed  most  ob- 
streperously— in  their  sleeves. 

The  inspection,  review,  and  flogging  being  concluded, 
the  party  adjourned  to  the  table ;  for  among  his  other 
great  qualities,  the  general  was  remarkably  addicted  to 
huge  carousals,  and  in  one  afternoon's  campaign  would 
leave  more  dead  men  on  the  field  than  he  ever  did  in  the 
whole  course  of  his  military  career.  Many  bulletins  of 
these  bloodless  victories  do  still  remain  on  record ;  and 


HISTORY  OF  NEW   YORK. 

the  whole  province  was  once  thrown  in  amaze  by  the  re- 
turn of  one  of  his  campaigns,  wherein  it  was  stated,  that, 
though,  like  Captain  Bobadil,  he  had  only  twenty  men  to 
back  him,  yet  in  the  short  space  of  six  months  he  had 
conquered  and  utterly  annihilated  sixty  oxen,  ninety  hogs, 
one  hundred  sheep,  ten  thousand  cabbages,  one  thousand 
bushels  of  potatoes,  one  hundred  and  fifty  kilderkins  of 
small  beer,  two  thousand  seven  hundred  and  thirty-five 
pipes,  seventy-eight  pounds  of  sugar-plums,  and  forty 
bars  of  iron,  besides  sundry  small  meats,  game,  poultry, 
and  garden-stuff: — an  achievement  unparalleled  since  the 
days  of  Pantagruel  and  his  all-devouring  army,  and  which 
showed  that  it  was  only  necessary  to  let  Van  Poffenburgh 
and  his  garrison  loose  in  an  enemy's  country,  and  in  a 
little  while  they  would  breed  a  famine,  and  starve  all  the 
inhabitants. 

No  sooner,  therefore,  had  the  general  received  intima- 
tion of  the  visit  of  Governor  Eisingh,  than  he  ordered  a 
great  dinner  to  be  prepared,  and  privately  sent  out  a  de- 
tachment of  his  most  experienced  veterans,  to  rob  all  the 
hen-roosts  in  the  neighborhood,  and  lay  the  pig-sties 
under  contribution, — a  service  which  they  discharged 
with  such  zeal  and  promptitude,  that  the  garrison-table 
groaned  under  the  weight  of  their  spoils. 

I  wish,  with  all  my  heart,  my  readers  could  see  the 
valiant  Van  Poffenburgh,  as  he  presided  at  the  head  of 
the  banquet ;  it  was  a  sight  worth  beholding : — there  ha 
sat,  in  his  greatest  glory,  surrounded  by  his  soldiers,  liko 


A  RUINOUS  BANQUET.  369 

that  famous  wine-bibber,  Alexander,  whose  thirsty  vir- 
tues he  did  most  ably  imitate, — telling  astonishing  sto- 
ries of  his  hair-breadth  adventures  and  heroic  exploits ; 
at  which,  though  all  his  auditors  knew  them  to  be  incon- 
tinent lies  and  outrageous  gasconadoes,  yet  did  they  cast 
up  their  eyes  in  admiration,  and  utter  many  interjections 
of  astonishment.  Nor  could  the  general  pronounce  any- 
thing that  bore  the  remotest  resemblance  to  a  joke,  but 
the  stout  Bisingh  would  strike  his  brawny  fist  upon  the 
table  till  every  glass  rattled  again,  throw  himself  back  in 
the  chair,  utter  gigantic  peals  of  laughter,  and  swear 
most  horribly  it  was  the  best  joke  he  ever  heard  in  his 
life.  Thus  all  was  rout  and  revelry  and  hideous  carousal 
within  Fort  Casimir ;  and  so  lustily  did  Yan  Poffenburgh 
ply  the  bottle,  that  in  less  than  four  short  hours  he  made 
himself  and  his  whole  garrison,  who  all  sedulously  emu- 
lated the  deeds  of  their  chieftain,  dead  drunk,  with  sing- 
ing songs,  quaffing  bumpers,  and  drinking  patriotic  toasts, 
none  of  which  but  was  as  long  as  a  Welsh  pedigree  or  a 
plea  in  chancery. 

No  sooner  did  things  come  to  this  pass,  than  'Risingh 
and  his  Swedes,  who  had  cunningly  kept  themselves 
sober,  rose  on  their  entertainers,  tied  them  neck  and 
heels,  and  took  formal  possession  of  the  fort,  and  all  its 
dependencies,  in  the  name  of  Queen  Christina  of  Sweden, 
administering  at  the  same  time  an  oath  of  allegiance  to 
all  the  Dutch  soldiers  who  could  be  made  sober  enough 
to  swallow  it.  Eisingh  then  put  the  fortification  in  order, 


370  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

appointed  his  discreet  and  vigilant  friend  Suen  Schiite, 
otherwise  called  Skytte,  a  tall,  wind-dried,  water-drink- 
ing Swede,  to  the  command,  and  departed,  bearing  with 
him  this  truly  amiable  garrison  and  its  puissant  com- 
mander, who,  when  brought  to  himself  by  a  sound  drub- 
bing, bore  no  little  resemblance  to  a  "deboshed  fish,"  or 
bloated  sea-monster,  caught  upon  dry  land. 

The  transportation  of  the  garrison  was  done  to  prevent 
the  transmission  of  intelligence  to  New  Amsterdam ;  for 
much  as  the  cunning  Risingh  exulted  in  his  stratagem, 
yet  did  he  dread  the  vengeance  of  the  sturdy  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant,  whose  name  spread  as  much  terror  in  the  neigh- 
borhood as  did  whilom  that  of  the  unconquerable  Scan- 
derbeg  among  his  scurvy  enemies  the  Turks. 


CHAPTER  in. 

SHOWING  HOW  PROFOUND  SECRETS  ARE  OFTEN  BROUGHT  TO  LIGHT  ;  WITH 
THE  PROCEEDINGS  OF  PETER  TUB  HEADSTRONG  WHEN  HE  HEARD  OF  THE 
MISFORTUNES  OF  GENERAL  VAN  POFFENBURGH. 

HOEVEB  first  described  common  fame,  or  ru- 
mor, as  belonging  to  the  sager  sex,  was  a  very 
owl  for  shrewdness.  She  has  in  truth  certain 
feminine  qualities  to  an  astonishing  degree,  particularly 
that  benevolent  anxiety  to  take  care  of  the  affairs  of 
others,  which  keeps  her  continually  hunting  after  secrets, 
and  gadding  about  proclaiming  them.  Whatever  is  done 
openly  and  in  the  face  of  the  world,  she  takes  but  tran- 
sient notice  of;  but  whenever  a  transaction  is  done  in  a 
corner,  and  attempted  to  be  shrouded  in  mystery,  then 
her  goddess-ship  is  at  her  wit's  end  to  find  it  out,  and 
takes  a  most  mischievous  and  lady-like  pleasure  in  pub- 
lishing it  to  the  world. 

It  is  this  truly  feminine  propensity  which  induces  her 
continually  to  be  prying  into  the  cabinets  of  princes,  lis- 
tening at  the  key-holes  of  senate-chambers,  and  peering 
through  chinks  and  crannies,  when  our  worthy  Congress 
are  sitting  with  closed  doors,  deliberating  between  a 
dozen  excellent  modes  of  ruining  the  nation.  It  is  this 

371 


372  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

which  makes  her  so  baneful  to  all  wary  statesmen  and  in- 
triguing commanders, — such  a  stumbling-block  to  private 
negotiations  and  secret  expeditions, — betraying  them  by 
means  and  instruments  which  never  would  have  been 
thought  of  by  any  but  a  female  head. 

Thus  it  was  in  the  case  of  the  affair  of  Fort  Casimir. 
No  doubt  the  cunning  Eisingh  imagined,  that,  by  secur- 
ing the  garrison,  he  should  for  a  long  time  prevent  the 
history  of  its  fate  from  reaching  the  ears  of  the  gallant 
Stuyvesant ;  but  his  exploit  was  blown  to  the  world 
when  he  least  expected,  and  by  one  of  the  last  beings  he 
would  ever  have  suspected  of  enlisting  as  trumpeter  to 
the  wide-mouthed  deity. 

This  was  one  Dirk  Schuiler  (or  Skulker),  a  kind  of 
hanger-on  to  the  garrison,  who  seemed  to  belong  to  no- 
body, and  in  a  manner  to  be  self-outlawed.  He  was  one 
of  those  vagabond  cosmopolites  who  shark  about  the 
world  as  if  they  had  no  right  or  business  in  it,  and  who 
infest  the  skirts  of  society  like  poachers  and  interlop- 
ers. Every  garrison  and  country  village  has  one  or  more 
scape-goats  of  this  kind,  whose  life  is  a  kind  of  enigma, 
whose  existence  is  without  motive,  who  comes  from  the 
Lord  knows  where,  who  lives  the  Lord  knows  how,  and 
who  seems  created  for  no  other  earthly  purpose  but  to 
keep  up  the  ancient  and  honorable  order  of  idleness. 
This  vagrant  philosopher  was  supposed  to  have  some. 
Indian  blood  in  his  veins,  which  was  manifested  by  r 
certain  Indian  complexion  and  cast  of  countenance,  br 


DIRK  SCIIUILEIt.  373 

more  especially  by  his  propensities  and  habits.  He  was 
a  tall,  lank  fellow,  swift  of  foot,  and  long-winded.  He  was 
generally  equipped  in  a  half  Indian  dress,  with  belt,  leg- 
gings, and  moccasons.  His  hair  hung  in  straight  gallows- 
locks  about  his  ears,  and  added  not  a  little  to  his  shark- 
ing demeanor.  It  is  an  old  remark,  that  persons  of 
Indian  mixture  are  half  civilized,  half  savage,  and  half 
devil, — a  third  half  being  provided  for  their  particular 
convenience.  It  is  for  similar  reasons,  and  probably 
with  equal  truth,  that  the  backwoodsmen  of  Kentucky 
are  styled  half  man,  half  horse,  and  half  alligator,  by 
the  settlers  on  the  Mississippi,  and  held  accordingly  in 
great  respect  and  abhorrence. 

The  above  character  may  have  presented  itself  to  the 
garrison  as  applicable  to  Dirk  Schuiler,  whom  they  famil- 
iarly dubbed  Gallows  Dirk.  Certain  it  is,  he  acknowl- 
edged allegiance  to  no  one, — was  an  utter  enemy  to  work, 
holding  it  in  no  manner  of  estimation, — but  lounging 
about  the  fort,  depending  upon  chance  for  a  subsistence, 
getting  drunk  whenever  he  could  get  liquor,  and  stealing 
whatever  he  could  lay  his  hands  on.  Every  day  or  two 
he  was  sure  to  get  a  sound  rib-roasting  for  some  of  his 
misdemeanors,  which,  however,  as  it  broke  no  bones,  he 
made  very  light  of,  and  scrupled  not  to  repeat  the  offence 
whenever  another  opportunity  presented.  Sometimes,  in 
consequence  of  some  flagrant  villany,  he  would  abscond 
from  the  garrison,  and  be  absent  for  a  month  at  a  time, 
skulking  about  the  woods  and  swamps,  with  a  long  fowl- 


374  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

ing-piece  on  his  shoulder,  lying  in  ambush  for  game, — or 
squatting  himself  down  on  the  edge  of  a  pond,  catching 
fish  for  hours  together,  and  bearing  no  little  resemblance 
to  that  notable  bird  of  the  crane  family,  ycleped  the 
Mudpoke.  When  he  thought  his  crimes  had  been  forgot- 
ten or  forgiven,  he  would  sneak  back  to  the  fort  with  a 
bundle  of  skins,  or  a  load  of  poultry,  which,  perchance, 
he  had  stolen,  and  would  exchange  them  for  liquor,  with 
which  having  well  soaked  his  carcass,  he  would  lie  in  the 
sun  and  enjoy  all  the  luxurious  indolence  of  that  swinish 
philosopher  Diogenes.  He  was  the  terror  of  all  the  farm- 
yards in  the  country  into  which  he  made  fearful  inroads ; 
and  sometimes  he  would  make  his  sudden  appearance 
in  the  garrison  at  daybreak,  with  the  whole  neighborhood 
at  his  heels, — like  the  scoundrel  thief  of  a  fox,  detected 
in  his  maraudings  and  hunted  to  his  hole.  Such  was  this 
Dirk  Schuiler  ;  and  from  the  total  indifference  he  showed 
to  the  world  and  its  concerns,  and  from  his  truly  Indian 
stoicism  and  taciturnity,  no  one  would  ever  have  dreamt 
that  he  would  have  been  the  publisher  of  the  treachery 
of  Kisingh. 

When  the  carousal  was  going  on,  which  proved  so  fatal 
to  the  brave  Poffenburgh  and  his  watchful  garrison,  Dirk 
skulked  about  from  room  to  room,  being  a  kind  of  privi- 
leged vagrant,  or  useless  hound,  whom  nobody  noticed. 
But  though  a  fellow  of  few  words,  yet,  like  your  taciturn 
people,  his  eyes  and  ears  were  always  open,  and  in  the 
course  of  his  prowlings  he  overheard  the  whole  plot  of 


DIRK  SCIIUILEIt.  375 

the  Swedes.  Dirk  immediately  settled  in  his  own  mind 
liow  he  should  turn  the  matter  to  his  own  advantage.  He 
played  the  perfect  jack-of-both-sides,  that  is  to  say,  he 
made  a  prize  of  everything  that  cams  in  his  reach,  robbed 
both  parties,  stuck  the  copper-bound  cocked  hat  of  the 
puissant  Van  Poffenburgh  on  his  head,  whipped  a  huge 
pair  of  Risingh's  jack-boots  under  his  arms,  and  took  to 
his  heels  just  before  the  catastrophe  and  confusion  at  the 
garrison. 

Finding  himself  completely  dislodged  from  his  haunt 
in  this  quarter,  he  directed  his  flight  towards  his  native 
place,  New  Amsterdam,  whence  he  had  formerly  been 
obliged  to  abscond  precipitately,  in  consequence  of  mis- 
fortune in  business, — that  is  to  say,  having  been  detected 
in  the  act  of  sheep-stealing.  After  wandering  many  days 
in  the  woods,  toiling  through  swamps,  fording  brooks, 
swimming  various  rivers,  and  encountering  a  world  of 
hardships  that  would  have  killed  any  other  being  but  an 
Indian,  a  backwoodsman,  or  the  devil,  he  at  length  ar- 
rived, half  famished,  and  lank  as  a  starved  weasel,  at 
Communipaw,  where  he  stole  a  canoe,  and  paddled  over 
to  New  Amsterdam.  Immediately  on  landing,  he  repaired 
to  Governor  Stuyvesant,  and,  in  more  words  than  he  had 
ever  spoken  before  in  the  whole  course  of  his  life,  gave 
an  account  of  the  disastrous  affair. 

On  receiving  these  direful  tidings,  the  valiant  Peter 
started  from  his  seat,  dashed  the  pipe  he  was  smoking 
against  the  back  of  the  chimney,  thrust  a  prodigious  quid 


376  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

of  tobacco  into  his  left  cheek,  pulled  up  his  galligaskins, 
and  strode  up  and  down  the  room,  humming,  as  was  cus- 
tomary with  him  when  in  a  passion,  a  hideous  northwest 
ditty.  But,  as  I  have  before  shown,  he  was  not  a  man  to 
vent  his  spleen  in  idle  vaporing.  His  first  measure,  af- 
ter the  paroxysm  of  wrath  had  subsided,  was  to  stump 
up-stairs  to  a  huge  wooden  chest,  which  served  as  his 
armory,  from  whence  he  drew  forth  that  identical  suit 
of  regimentals  described  in  the  preceding  chapter.  In 
these  portentous  habiliments  he  arrayed  himself  like 
Achilles  in  the  armor  of  Vulcan,  maintaining  all  the 
while  an  appalling  silence,  knitting  his  brows,  and 
drawing  his  breath  through  his  clenched  teeth.  Being 
hastily  equipped,  he  strode  down  into  the  parlor  and 
jerked  down  his  trusty  sword  from  over  the  fireplace, 
where  it  was  usually  suspended;  but  before  he  girded  it 
on  his  thigh,  he  drew  it  from  its  scabbard,  and  as  his  eye 
coursed  along  the  rusty  blade,  a  grim  smile  stole  over  his 
iron  visage;  it  was  the  first  smile  that  had  visited  his 
countenance  for  five  long  weeks;  but  every  one  who  be- 
held it  prophesied  that  there  would  soon  be  warm  work 
in  the  province ! 

Thus  armed  at  all  points,  with  grisly  war  depicted  in 
each  feature,  his  very  cocked  hat  assuming  an  air  of  un- 
common defiance,  he  instantly  put  himself  upon  the  alert, 
and  despatched  Antony  Van  Corlear  hither  and  thither, 
this  way  and  that  way,  through  all  the  muddy  streets  and 
crooked  lanes  of  the  city,  summoning  by  sound  of  trumpet 


COUNCIL  OF  WAR.  377 

his  trusty  peers  to  assemble  in  instant  council.  This 
done,  by  way  of  expediting  matters,  according  to  the  cus- 
tom of  people  in  a  hurry,  he  kept  in  continual  bustle, 
shifting  from  chair  to  chair,  popping  his  head  out  of 
every  window,  and  stumping  up  and  clown  stairs  with  hig 
wooden  leg  in  such  brisk  and  incessant  motion,  that,  as 
we  are  informed  by  an  authentic  historian  of  the  times, 
the  continual  clatter  bore  no  small  resemblance  to  the 
music  of  a  cooper  hooping  a  flour-barrel. 

A  summons  so  peremptory,  and  from  a  man  of  the 
governor's  mettle,  was  not  to  be  trifled  with :  the  sages 
forthwith  repaired  to  the  council-chamber,  seated  them- 
selves with  the  utmost  tranquillity,  and,  lighting  their 
long  pipes,  gazed  with  unruffled  composure  on  his  Ex- 
cellency and  his  regimentals, — being,  as  all  counsellors 
should  be,  not  easily  flustered,  nor  taken  by  surprise. 
The  governor,  looking  around  for  a  moment  with  a  lofty 
and  soldier-like  air,  and  resting  one  hand  on  the  pommel 
of  his  sword,  and  flinging  the  other  forth  in  a  free  and 
spirited  manner,  addressed  them  in  a  short  but  soul-stir- 
ring harangue. 

I  am  extremely  sorry  that  I  have  not  the  advantages  of 
Livy,  Thucydides,  Plutarch,  and  others  of  my  predeces- 
sors, who  were  furnished,  as  I  am  told,  with  the  speeches 
of  all  their  heroes,  taken  down  in  short-hand  by  the  most 
accurate  stenographers  of  the  time, —  whereby  they  were 
enabled  wonderfully  to  enrich  their  histories,  and  delight 
their  readers  with  sublime  strains  of  eloquence.  Not 


378  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

having  such  important  auxiliaries,  I  cannot  possibly  pro- 
nounce what  was  the  tenor  of  Governor  Stuyvesant's 
speech.  I  am  bold,  however,  to  say,  from  the  tenor  of 
his  character,  that  he  did  not  wrap  his  rugged  subject  in 
silks  and  ermines,  and  other  sickly  trickeries  of  phrase, 
but  spoke  forth  like  a  man  of  nerve  and  vigor,  who 
scorned  to  shrink  in  words  from  those  dangers  which  he 
stood  ready  to  encounter  in  very  deed.  This  much  is 
certain,  that  he  concluded  by  announcing  his  determina- 
tion to  lead  on  his  troops  in  person,  and  rout  these  cos- 
tard-monger Swedes  from  their  usurped  quarters  at  Fort 
Casimir.  To  this  hardy  resolution,  such  of  his  council  as 
were  awake  gave  their  usual  signal  of  concurrence ;  and 
as  to  the  rest,  who  had  fallen  asleep  about  the  middle  of 
the  harangue  (their  "  usual  custom  in  the  afternoon  "), 
they  made  not  the  least  objection. 

And  now  was  seen  in  the  fair  city  of  New  Amsterdam 
a  prodigious  bustle  and  preparation  for  iron  war.  Ke- 
cruiting  parties  marched  hither  and  thither,  calling  lust- 
ily upon  all  the  scrubs,  the  runagates,  and  tatterdema- 
lions of  the  Manhattoes  and  its  vicinity,  who  had  any 
ambition  of  sixpence  a  day,  and  immortal  fame  into  the 
bargain,  to  enlist  in  the  cause  of  glory  : — for  I  would  have 
you  note  that  your  warlike  heroes  who  trudge  in  the  rear 
of  conquerors  are  generally  of  that  illustrious  class  of 
gentlemen  who  are  equal  candidates  for  the  army  or  the 
bridewell,  the  halberds  or  the  whipping-post, — for  whom 
dame  Fortune  has  cast  an  even  die,  whether  they  shall 


WAR  IN  THE  AIR.  379 

make .  their  exit  by  the  sword  or  the  halter,  and  whoso 
deaths  shall,  at  all  events,  be  a  lofty  example  to  their 
countrymen. 

But,  notwithstanding  all  this  martial  rout  and  invita- 
tion, the  ranks  of  honor  were  but  scantily  supplied,  so 
averse  were  the  peaceful  burghers  of  New  Amsterdam 
from  enlisting  in  foreign  broils,  or  stirring  beyond  that 
home  which  rounded  all  their  earthly  ideas.  Upon  be- 
holding this,  the  great  Peter,  whose  noble  heart  was  all 
on  fire  with  war  and  sweet  revenge,  determined  to  wait  no 
longer  for  the  tardy  assistance  of  these  oily  citizens,  but 
to  muster  up  his  merry  men  of  the  Hudson,  who,  brought 
up  among  woods,  and  wilds,  and  savage  beasts,  like  our 
yeomen  of  Kentucky,  delighted  in  nothing  so  much  as 
desperate  adventures  and  perilous  expeditions  through 
the  wilderness.  Thus  resolving,  he  ordered  his  trusty 
squire  Antony  Van  Corlear  to  have  his  state  galley  pre- 
pared and  duly  victualled ;  which  being  performed,  he 
attended  public  service  at  the  great  church  of  St.  Nicho- 
las, like  a  true  and  pious  governor ;  and  then  leaving  per- 
emptory orders  with  his  council  to  have  the  chivalry  of 
the  Manhattoes  marshalled  out  and  appointed  against  his 
return,  departed  upon  his  recruiting  voyage  up  the  wa- 
ters of  the  Hudson. 


CHAPTEK  IV. 


CONTAINING   PETER  STUTVESANT'S    VOYAGE  UP   THE    IITT>SON,    AND    THE    WON- 
DERS AND  DELIGHTS  OF  THAT  RENOWNED  RIVER. 


OW  did  the  soft  breezes  of  the  south  steal  sweet- 
ly over  the  face  of  nature,  tempering  the  pant- 
ing heats  of  summer  into  genial  and  prolific 
warmth;  when  that  miracle  of  hardihood  and  chivalric 
virtue,  the  dauntless  Peter  Stuyvesant,  spread  his  canvas 
to  the  wind,  and  departed  from  the  fair  island  of  Manna- 
hata.  The  galley  in  which  he  embarked  was  sumptu- 
ously adorned  with  pendants  and  streamers  of  gorgeous 
dyes,  which  fluttered  gayly  in  the  wind,  or  drooped  their 
ends  into  the  bosom  of  the  stream.  The  bow  and  poop 
of  this  majestic  vessel  were  gallantly  bedight,  after  the 
rarest  Dutch  fashion,  with  figures  of  little  pursy  Cupids 
with  periwigs  on  their  heads,  and  bearing  in  their  hands 
garlands  of  flowers,  the  like  of  which  are  not  to  be  found 
in  any  book  of  botany,  being  the  matchless  flowers  which 
flourished  in  the  golden  age,  and  exist  no  longer,  unless 
it  be  in  the  imaginations  of  ingenious  carvers  of  wood 
and  discolorers  of  canvas. 

Thus  rarely  decorated,  in  style  befitting  the  puissant 
potentate   of  the   Manhattoes,  did  the   galley  of  Peter 

380 


THE   VOYAGE.  381 

Stuyvesant  launch  fortli  upon  the  bosom  of  the  lordly 
Hudson,  which,  as  it  rolled  its  broad  waves  to  the  ocean, 
seemed  to  pause  for  a  while  and  swell  with  pride,  as  if 
conscious  of  the  illustrious  burden  it  sustained. 

But  trust  me,  gentlefolk,  far  other  was  the  scene  pre- 
sented to  the  contemplation  of  the  crew  from  that  which 
may  be  witnessed  at  this  degenerate  day.  "Wilduess 
and  savage  majesty  reigned  on  the  borders  of  this  mighty 
river ;  the  hand  of  cultivation  had  not  as  yet  laid  low  the 
dark  forest,  and  tamed  the  features  of  the  landscape  ;  nor 
had  the  frequent  sail  of  commerce  broken  in  upon  the 
profound  and  awful  solitude  of  ages.  Here  and  there 
might  be  seen  a  rude  wigwam  perched  among  the  cliffs 
of  the  mountains,  with  its  curling  column  of  smoke 
mounting  in  the  transparent  atmosphere, — but  so  loftily 
situated  that  the  whoopings  of  the  savage  children,  gam- 
bolling on  the  margin  of  the  dizzy  heights,  fell  almost  as 
faintly  on  the  ear  as  do  the  notes  of  the  lark  when  lost  in 
the  azure  vault  of  heaven.  Now  and  then,  from  the  beet- 
ling brow  of  some  precipice,  the  wild  deer  would  look 
timidly  down  upon  the  splendid  pageant  as  it  passed  be- 
low, and  then,  tossing  his  antlers  in  the  air,  would  bound 
away  into  the  thickest  of  the  forest. 

Through  such  scenes  did  the  stately  vessel  of  Peter 
Stuyvesant  pass.  Now  did  they  skirt  the  bases  of  the 
rocky  heights  of  Jersey,  which  spring  up  like  everlasting 
walls,  reaching  from  the  waves  unto  the  heavens,  and 
were  fashioned,  if  tradition  may  be  believed,  in  times 


382  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

long  past,  by  the  mighty  spirit  Manetho,  to  protect  his 
favorite  abodes  from  the  unhallowed  eyes  of  mortals. 
Now  did  they  career  it  gayly  across  the  vast  expanse  of 
Tappan  Bay,  whose  wide-extended  shores  present  a  va- 
riety of  delectable  scenery, — here  the  bold  promontory, 
crowned  with  embowering  trees,  advancing  into  the  bay, 
— there  the  long  woodland  slope,  sweeping  up  from  the 
shore  in  rich  luxuriance,  and  terminating  in  the  upland 
precipice, — while  at  a  distance  a  long  waving  line  of 
rocky  heights  threw  their  gigantic  shades  across  tho 
water.  Now  would  they  pass  where  some  modest  little 
interval,  opening  among  these  stupendous  scenes,  yet  re- 
treating as  it  were  for  protection  into  the  embraces  of 
the  neighboring  mountains,  displayed  a  rural  paradise, 
fraught  with  sweet  and  pastoral  beauties, — the  velvet- 
tufted  lawn,  the  bushy  copse,  the  tinkling  rivulet,  steal- 
ing through  the  fresh  and  vivid  verdure,  on  whose  banks 
was  situated  some  little  Indian  village,  or,  peradventure, 
the  rude  cabin  of  some  solitary  hunter. 

The  different  periods  of  the  revolving  day  seemed 
each,  with  cunning  magic,  to  diffuse  a  different  charm 
over  the  scene.  Now  would  the  jovial  sun  break  glori- 
ously from  the  east,  blazing  from  the  summits  of  the 
hills,  and  sparkling  the  landscape  with  a  thousand  dewy 
gems ;  while  along  the  borders  of  the  river  were  seen  the 
heavy  masses  of  mist,  which,  like  midnight  caitiffs  dis- 
turbed at  his  approach,  made  a  sluggish  retreat,  rolling 
in  sullen  reluctance  up  the  mountains.  At  such  times  all 


THE   VOYAGE.  333 

•was  brightness,  and  life,  and  gayety, — the  atmosphere 
was  of  an  indescribable  pureness  and  transparency, — the 
birds  broke  forth  in  wanton  madrigals,  and  the  freshen- 
ing breezes  wafted  the  vessel  merrily  on  her  course.  But 
when  the  sun  sunk  amid  a  flood  of  glory  in  the  west, 
mantling  the  heavens  and  the  earth  with  a  thousand  gor- 
geous dyes,  then  all  was  calm,  and  silent,  and  magnifi- 
cent. The  late  swelling  sail  hung  lifelessly  against  the 
mast ; — the  seaman,  with  folded  arms,  leaned  against  the 
shrouds,  lost  in  that  involuntary  musing  which  the  sober 
grandeur  of  nature  commands  in  the  rudest  of  her  chil- 
dren. The  vast  bosom  of  the  Hudson  was  like  an  unruf- 
fled mirror,  reflecting  the  golden  splendor  of  the  heavens, 
excepting  that  now  and  then  a  bark  canoe  would  steal 
across  its  surface,  filled  with  painted  savages,  whose  gay 
feathers  glared  brightly  as  perchance  a  lingering  ray  of 
the  setting  sun  gleamed  upon  them  from  the  western 
mountains. 

But  when  the  hour  of  twilight  spread  its  majestic  mists 
around,  then  did  the  face  of  nature  assume  a  thousand 
fugitive  charms,  which  to  the  worthy  heart  that  seeks 
enjoyment  in  the  glorious  works  of  its  Maker  are  inex- 
pressibly captivating.  The  mellow  dubious  light  that 
prevailed  just  served  to  tinge  with  illusive  colors  the  soft- 
ened features  of  the  scenery.  The  deceived  but  delighted 
eye  sought  vainly  to  discern  in  the  broad  masses  of  shade 
the  separating  line  between  the  land  and  water,  or  to 
distinguish  the  fading  objects  that  seemed  sinking  into 


384  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

cliaos.  Now  did  the  busy  fancy  supply  the  feebleness  of 
vision,  producing  with  industrious  craft  a  fairy  creation 
of  her  own.  Under  her  plastic  wand  the  barren  rocks 
frowned  upon  the  watery  waste  in  the  semblance  of  lofty 
towers  and  high  embattled  castles, — trees  assumed  the 
direful  forms  of  mighty  giants,  and  the  inaccessible  sum- 
mits of  the  mountains  seemed  peopled  with  a  thousand 
shadowy  beings. 

Now  broke  forth  from  the  shores  the  notes  of  an  innu- 
merable variety  of  insects,  which  filled  the  air  with  a 
strange  but  not  inharmonious  concert,  while  ever  and 
anon  was  heard  the  melancholy  plaint  of  the  whippoor- 
will,  who,  perched  on  some  lone  tree,  wearied  the  ear  of 
night  with  his  incessant  meanings.  The  mind,  soothed 
into  a  hallowed  melancholy,  listened  with  pensive  still- 
ness to  catch  and  distinguish  each  sound  that  vaguely 
echoed  from  the  shore, — now  and  then  startled  perchance 
by  the  whoop  of  some  straggling  savage,  or  by  the  dreary 
howl  of  a  wolf,  stealing  forth  upon  his  nightly  prowlings. 

Thus  happily  did  they  pursue  their  course,  until  they 
entered  upon  those  awful  defiles  denominated  THE  HIGH- 
LANDS, where  it  would  seem  that  the  gigantic  Titans  had 
erst  waged  their  impious  war  with  heaven,  piling  up 
cliffs  on  cliffs,  and  hurling  vast  masses  of  rock  in  wild 
confusion.  But  in  sooth  very  different  is  the  history  of 
these  cloud-capt  mountains.  These  in  ancient  days,  be- 
fore the  Hudson  poured  its  waters  from  the  lakes,  formed 
one  vast  prison,  within  whose  rocky  bosom  the  omnipo- 


THE  HIGHLANDS.  385 

tent  Manetlio  confined  the  rebellious  spirits  who  repined 
at  his  control.  Here,  bound  in  adamantine  chains,  or 
jammed  in  rifted  pines,  or  crushed  by  ponderous  rocks, 
they  groaned  for  many  an  age.  At  length  the  conquer- 
ing Hudson,  in  its  career  towards  the  ocean,  burst  opon 
their  prison-house,  rolling  its  tide  triumphantly  through 
the  stupendous  ruins. 

Still,  however,  do  many  of  them  lurk  about  their  old 
abodes ;  and  these  it  is,  according  to  venerable  legends, 
that  cause  the  echoes  which  resound  throughout  these 
awful  solitudes, — which  are  nothing  but  their  angry  clam- 
ors when  any  noise  disturbs  the  profoundness  of  their 
repose.  For  when  the  elements  are  agitated  by  tempest, 
when  the  winds  are  up  and  the  thunder  rolls,  then  horri- 
ble is  the  yelling  and  howling  of  these  troubled  spirits, 
making  the  mountains  to  rebellow  with  their  hideous 
uproar ;  for  at  such  times  it  is  said  that  they  think  the 
great  Manetho  is  returning  once  more  to  plunge  them  in 
gloomy  caverns,  and  renew  their  intolerable  captivity. 

But  all  these  fair  and  glorious  scenes  were  lost  upon 
the  gallant  Stuyvesant;  naught  occupied  his  mind  but 
thoughts  of  iron  war,  and  proud  anticipations  of  hardy 
deeds  of  arms.  Neither  did  his  honest  crew  trouble 
their  heads  with  any  romantic  speculations  of  the  kind. 
The  pilot  at  the  helm  quietly  smoked  his  pipe,  thinking 
of  nothing  either  past,  present,  or  to  come  ; — those  of  his 
comrades  who  were  not  industriously  smoking  under  the 
hatches  were  listening  with  open  mouths  to  Antony  Van 
25 


386  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK, 

Corlear,  who,  seated  on  the  windlass,  was  relating  to 
them  the  marvellous  history  of  those  myriads  of  fire-flies 
that  sparkled  like  gems  and  spangles  upon  the  dusky 
robe  of  night.  These,  according  to  tradition,  were  orig- 
inally a  race  of  pestilent  sempiternous  beldames,  who 
peopled  these  parts  long  before  the  memory  of  man,  be- 
ing of  that  abominated  race  emphatically  called  brim- 
stones, and  who,  for  their  innumerable  sins  against  the 
children  of  men,  and  to  furnish  an  awful  warning  to  the 
beauteous  sex,  were  doomed  to  infest  the  earth  in  the 
shape  of  these  threatening  and  terrible  little  bugs,  en- 
during the  internal  torments  of  that  fire  which  they  for- 
merly carried  in  their  hearts  and  breathed  forth  in  their 
words,  but  now  are  sentenced  to  bear  about  forever — in 
thoir  tails ! 

And  now  I  am  going  to  tell  a  fact,  which  I  doubt  much 
my  readers  will  hesitate  to  believe  ;  but  if  they  do,  they 
ate  welcome  not  to  believe  a  word  in  this  whole  history, 
for  nothing  which  it  contains  is  more  true.  It  must  be 
known  then  that  the  nose  of  Antony  the  trumpeter  was 
of  a  very  lusty  size,  strutting  boldly  from  his  counte- 
nance like  a  mountain  of  Golconda ;  being  sumptuously 
bedecked  with  rubies  and  other  precious  stones, — the  true 
regalia  of  a  king  of  good  fellows,  which. jolly  Bacchus 
grants  to  all  who  bouse  it  heartily  at  the  flagon.  Now 
thus  it  happened,  that  bright  and  early  in  the  morning, 
the  good  Antony,  having  washed  his  burly  visage,  was 
leaning  over  the  quarter-railing  of  the  galley,  contenaplat- 


ANTONY'S  NOSE.  387 

ing  it  in  the  glassy  wave  below.  Just  at  this  moment  the 
illustrious  sun,  breaking  in  all  its  splendor  from  behind  a 
high  bluff  of  the  highlands,  did  dart  one  of  his  most  po- 
tent beams  full  upon  the  refulgent  nose  of  the  sounder  of 
brass — the  reflection  of  which  shot  straightway  down, 
hissing-hot,  into  the  water,  and  killed  a  mighty  sturgeon 
that  was  sporting  beside  the  vessel !  This  huge  monster, 
being  with  infinite  labor  hoisted  on  board,  furnished  a 
luxurious  repast  to  all  the  crew,  being  accounted  of  excel- 
lent flavor,  excepting  about  the  wound,  where  it  smacked 
a  little  of  brimstone  ;  and  this,  on  my  veracity,  was  the 
first  time  that  ever  sturgeon  was  eaten  in  these  parts  by 
Christian  people.* 

When  this  astonishing  miracle  came  to  be  made  known 
to  Peter  Stuyvesant,  and  that  he  tasted  of  the  unknown 
fish,  he,  as  may  well  be  supposed,  marvelled  exceedingly ; 
and  as  a  monument  thereof,  he  gave  the  name  of  Antony's 
Nose  to  a  stout  promontory  in  the  neighborhood  ;  and  it 
has  continued  to  be  called  Antony's  Nose  ever  since  that 
time. 

But  hold  :  whither  am  I  wandering  ?  By  tho  mass,  if 
I  attempt  to  accompany  the  good  Peter  Stuyvesant  on  this 
voyage,  I  shall  never  make  an  end  ;  for  never  was  there  a 
voyage  so  fraught  with  marvellous  incidents,  nor  a  river 

*  The  learned  Hans  Megapolensis,  treating  of  the  country  about  Al- 
bany, in  a  letter  which  was  written  some  time  after  the  settlement,  says  : 
"  There  is  in  the  river  great  plenty  of  sturgeon,  which  we  Christians  do 
not  make  use  of,  but  the  Indians  eat  them  greedily." 


388  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TOUR. 

so  abounding  with,  transcendent  beauties,  worthy  of  being 
severally  recorded.  Even  now  I  have  it  on  the  point  of 
my  pen  to  relate  how  his  crew  were  most  horribly  fright- 
ened, on  going  on  shore  above  the  highlands,  by  a  gang 
of  merry  roistering  devils,  frisking  and  curveting  on  a  flat 
rock,  which  projected  into  the  river,  and  which  is  called 
the  Duyvd's  Dans-Kamer  to  this  very  day.  But  no ! 
Diedrich  Knickerbocker,  it  becomes  thee  not  to  idle  thus 
in  thy  historic  wayfaring. 

Kecollect  that,  while  dwelling  with  the  fond  garrulity 
of  age  over  these  fairy  scenes,  endeared  to  thee  by  the 
recollections  of  thy  youth,  and  the  charms  of  a  thousand 
legendary  tales,  which  beguiled  the  simple  ear  of  thy 
childhood, — recollect  that  thou  art  trifling  with  those 
fleeting  moments  which  should  be  devoted  to  loftier 
themes.  Is  not  Time — relentless  Time ! — shaking,  with 
palsied  hand,  his  almost  exhausted  hour-glass  before 
thee  ?  Hasten  then  to  pursue  thy  weary  task,  lest  the 
last  sands  be  run  ere  thou  hast  finished  thy  history  of 
the  Manhattoes. 

Let  us,  then,  commit  the  dauntless  Peter,  his  brave 
galley,  and  his  loyal  crew,  to  the  protection  of  the  blessed 
St.  Nicholas ;  who,  I  have  no  doubt,  will  prosper  him  in 
his  voyage,  while  we  await  his  return  at  the  great  city  of 
New  Amsterdam. 


CHAPTER  V. 

DESCKIBING  THE  POWERFUL  ARMY  THAT  ASSEMBLED  AT  THE  CITY  OF  NET/ 
AMSTERDAM — TOGETHEK  WITH  TUB  INTERVIEW  BETWEEN  PETER  TUB  HEAD- 
STRONG ANP  GENERAL  VAN  POFFENBURGE,  AND  PETER'S  SENTIMENTS  TOUCII- 
ING  UNFORTUNATE  GREAT  MEN. 

HILE  thus  the  enterprising  Peter  was  coasting, 
with  flowing  sail,  up  the  shores  of  the  lordly 
Hudson,  and  arousing  all  the  phlegmatic  little 
Dutch  settlements  upon  its  borders,  a  great  and  puissant 
concourse  of  warriors  was  assembling  at  the  city  of  New 
Amsterdam.  And  here  that  invaluable  fragment  of  antiq- 
uity, the  Stuyvesant  manuscript,  is  more  than  commonly 
particular ;  by  which  means  I  am  enabled  to  record  the 
illustrious  host  that  encamped  itself  in  the  public  square 
in  front  of  the  fort,  at  present  denominated  the  Bowling 
Green. 

In  the  centre,  then,  was  pitched  the  tent  of  the  men  of 
battle  of  the  Manhattoes,  who,  being  the  inmates  of  the 
metropolis,  composed  the  life-guards  of  the  governor. 
These  were  commanded  by  the  valiant  Stoffel  Brinker- 
hoof,  who  whilom  had  acquired  such  immortal  fame  at 
Oyster  Bay ;  they  displayed  as  a  standard  a  beaver  ram- 
pant on  a  field  of  orange,  being  the  arms  of  the  province, 

389 


390  UISTOET  OF  NEW  YORK. 

and  denoting  the  persevering  industry  and  the  amphibi- 
ous origin  of  the  Nederlanders.* 

On  their  right  hand  might  be  seen  the  vassals  of  that 
renowned  Mynheer,  Michael  Paw,t  who  lorded  it  over 
the  fair  regions  of  ancient  Pavonia,  and  the  lands  away 
south  even  unto  the  N  avesink  mountains,  |  and  was  more- 
over patroon  of  Gibbet  Island.  His  standard  was  borne 
by  his  trusty  squire,  Cornelius  Van  Yorst ;  consisting  of 
a  huge  oyster  recumbent  upon  a  sea-green  field ;  being  the 
armorial  bearings  of  his  favorite  metropolis,  Communi- 
paw.  He  brought  to  the  camp  a  stout  force  of  warriors, 
heavily  armed,  being  each  clad  in  ten  pair  of  linsey- 
woolsey  breeches,  and  overshadowed  by  broad-brimmed 
beavers,  with  short  pipes  twisted  in  their  hat-bands. 
These  were  the  men  who  vegetated  in  the  mud  along  the 
shores  of  Pavonia,  being  of  the  race  of  genuine  copper- 
heads, and  were  fabled  to  have  sprung  from  oysters. 

At  a  little  distance  was  encamped  the  tribe  of  warriors 

*  This  was  likewise  the  great  seal  of  the  New  Netherlands,  as  may  still 
be  seen  in  ancient  records. 

f  Besides  what  is  related  in  the  Stuyvesant  MS.,  I  have  found  mention 
made  of  this  illustrious  patroon  in  another  manuscript,  which  says  : 
"  De  Ileer  (or  the  squire)  Michael  Paw,  a  Dutch  subject,  about  10th  Aug. 
1630,  by  deed  purchased  Staten  Island.  N.  B.  The  same  Michael  Paw 
had  what  the  Dutch  call  a  colonie  at  Pavonia,  on  the  Jersey  shore,  op- 
posite New  York,  and  his  overseer  in  1636  was  named  Corns.  Van  Vorst, 
a  person  of  the  same  name  in  1769,  owned  Pawles  Hook,  and  a  large 
farm  at  Pavonia,  and  is  a  lineal  descendant  from  Van  Vorst. 

\  So  called  from  the  Navesink  tribe  of  Indians  that  inhabited  these 
parts.  At  present  they  are  erroneously  denominated  the  Neversink,  or 
Neversunk  mountains. 


THE  VALIANT  SOLDIERS.  391 

who  came  from  the  neighborhood  of  Hell-gate.  These 
were  commanded  by  the  Suy  Dams,  and  the  Yan  Dams, 
— incontinent  hard  swearers,  as  their  names  betoken. 
They  were  terrible-looking  fellows,  clad  in  broad-skirted 
gaberdines,  of  that  curious  colored  cloth  called  thunder 
and  lightning, — and  bore  as  a  standard  three  devil's 
darning-needles,  volant,  in  a  flame-colored  field. 

Hard  by  was  the  tent  of  the  men  of  battle  from  the 
marshy  borders  of  the  Waale-Boght  *  and  the  country 
thereabouts.  These  were  of  a  sour  aspect,  by  reason 
that  they  lived  on  crabs,  which  abound  in  these  parts. 
They  were  the  first  institutors  of  that  honorable  order 
of  knighthood  called  Fly-market  shirks,  and,  if  tradition 
speak  true,  did  likewise  introduce  the  far-famed  step  in 
dancing  called  "  double  trouble."  They  were  commanded 
by  the  fearless  Jacobus  Varra  Yanger, — and  had,  more- 
over, a  jolly  band  of  Breuckelent  ferry-men,  who  per- 
formed a  brave  concerto  on  conch  shells. 

But  I  refrain  from  pursuing  this  minute  description, 
which  goes  on  to  describe  the  warriors  of  Bloemen-dael, 
and  Weehawk,  and  Hoboken,  and  sundry  other  places, 
well  known  in  history  and  song  ;  for  now  do  the  notes 
of  martial  music  alarm  the  people  of  New  Amsterdam, 
sounding  afar  from  beyond  the  walls  of  the  city.  But 
this  alarm  was  in  a  little  while  relieved,  for  lo  !  from  the 

*  Since  corrupted  into  the  Wallabout ;  the  bay  where  the  Navy  Yard  is 
situated. 
f  Now  spelt  Brooklyn. 


392  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

midst  of  a  vast  cloud  of  dust,  they  recognized  the  brim- 
stone-colored breeches  and  splendid  silver  leg  of  Peter 
Stuyvesant,  glaring  in  the  sunbeams;  and  beheld  him 
approaching  at  the  head  of  a  formidable  army,  which  he 
had  mustered  along  the  banks  of  the  Hudson.  And  here 
the  excellent  but  anonymous  writer  of  the  Stuyvesant 
manuscript  breaks  out  into  a  brave  and  glorious  de- 
scription of  the  forces,  as  they  defiled  through  the  prin- 
cipal gate  of  the  city,  that  stood  by  the  head  of  Wall 
Street. 

First  of  all  came  the  Van  Brummels,  who  inhabit  the 
pleasant  borders  of  the  Bronx :  these  were  short  fat  men, 
wearing  exceeding  large  trunk-breeches,  and  were  re- 
nowned for  feats  of  the  trencher.  They  were  the  first 
inventors  of  suppawn,  or  mush  and  milk. — Close  in  their 
rear  marched  the  Van  Vlotens,  of  Kaatskill,  horrible 
quaffers  of  new  cider,  and  arrant  braggarts  in  their  liq- 
uor.— After  them  came  the  Van  Pelts  of  Groodt  Eso- 
pus,  dexterous  horsemen,  mounted  upon  goodly  switch- 
tailed  steeds  of  the  Esopus  breed.  These  were  mighty 
hunters  of  minks  and  musk-rats,  whence  came  the  word 
Peltry. — Then  the  Van  Nests  of  Kinderhoeck,  valiant  rob- 
bers of  bird's-nests,  as  their  name  denotes.  To  these,  if 
report  may  be  believed,  are  we  indebted  for  the  invention 
of  slap-jacks,  or  buckwheat-cakes. — Then  the  Van  Higgin- 
bottoms,  of  Wapping's  creek.  These  came  armed  with 
ferules  and  birchen  rods,  being  a  race  of  schoolmasters, 
who  first  discovered  the  marvellous  sympathy  between 


THE  VALIANT  SOLDIERS.  3<J3 

the  seat  of  honor  and  the  seat  of  intellect, — and  that  the 
shortest  way  to  get  knowledge  into  the  head  was  to  ham- 
mer it  into  the  bottom. — Then  the  Van  Grolls  of  Antony's 
Nose,  who  carried  their  liquor  in  fair  round  little  pottles, 
by  reason  they  could  not  bouse  it  out  of  their  canteens, 
having  such  rare  long  noses. — Then  the  Gardeniers,  of 
Hudson  and  thereabouts,  distinguished  by  many  trium- 
phant feats,  such  as  robbing  watermelon  patches,  smok- 
ing rabbits  out  of  their  holes,  and  the  like,  and  by  being 
great  lovers  of  roasted  pigs'  tails.  These  were  the  ances- 
tors of  the  renowned  congressman  of  that  name. — Then 
the  Van  Hoesens,  of  Sing -Sing,  great  choristers  and 
players  upon  the  jews-harp.  These  marched  two  and 
two,  singing  the  great  song  of  St.  Nicholas. — Then  the 
Couenhovens,  of  Sleepy  Hollow.  These  gave  birth  to  a 
jolly  race  of  publicans,  who  first  discovered  the  magic 
artifice  of  conjuring  a  quart  of  wine  into  a  pint  bottle. — 
Then  the  Van  Kortlandts,  who  lived  on  the  wild  banks 
of  the  Croton,  and  were  great  killers  of  wild  ducks,  being 
much  spoken  of  for  their  skill  in  shooting  with  the  long 
bow. — Then  the  Van  Bunschotens,  of  Nyack  and  Kak- 
iat,  who  were  the  first  that  did  ever  kick  with  the  left 
foot.  They  were  gallant  bushwhackers  and  hunters  of 
raccoons  by  moonlight. — Then  the  Van  Winkles  of  Haer- 
lem,  potent  suckers  of  eggs,  and  noted  for  running  of 
horses,  and  running  up  of  scores  at  taverns.  They  were 
the  first  that  ever  winked  with  both  eyes  at  once. — Lastly 
camo  the  KNICKERBOCKER,  of  the  great  town  of  Scaghti- 


394  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

koke,  where  the  folk  lay  stones  upon  the  houses  in 
windy  weather,  lest  they  should  be  blown  awray.  These 
derive  their  name,  as  some  say,  from  Knickcr,  to  shake, 
and  Beker,  a  goblet,  indicating  thereby  that  they  were 
sturdy  toss-pots  of  yore  ;  but,  in  truth,  it  was  derived 
from  Knicker,  to  nod,  and  BoeJccn,  books :  plainly  mean- 
ing that  they  were  great  nodders  or  dozers  over  books. 
From  them  did  descend  the  writer  of  this  history. 

Such  was  the  legion  of  sturdy  bush-beaters  that  poured 
in  at  the  grand  gate  of  New  Amsterdam  ;  the  Stuyvesant 
manuscript  indeed  speaks  of  many  more,  whose  names  I 
omit  to  mention,  seeing  that  it  behooves  me  to  hasten  to 
matters  of  greater  moment.  Nothing  could  surpass  the 
joy  and  martial  pride  of  the  lion-hearted  Peter  as  he 
reviewed  this  mighty  host  of  warriors,  and  he  deter- 
mined no  longer  to  defer  the  gratification  of  his  much- 
wished  for  revenge  upon  the  scoundrel  Swedes  at  Fort 
Casimir. 

But  before  I  hasten  to  record  those  unmatchable  events 
which  will  be  found  in  the  sequel  of  this  faithful  his- 
tory, let  me  pause  to  notice  the  fate  of  Jacobus  Van  Pof- 
fenburgh,  the  discomfited  commander  -  in  -  chief  of  the 
armies  of  the  New  Netherlands.  Such  is  the  inherent 
uncharitableness  of  human  nature,  that  scarcely  did  the 
news  become  public  of  his  deplorable  discomfiture  at 
Fort  Casimir,  than  a  thousand  scurvy  rumors  were  set 
afloat  in  New  Amsterdam,  wherein  it  was  insinuated  that 
he  had  in  reality  a  treacherous  understanding  with  the 


THE  FATE  OF  VAN  POFFENBURGU.  395 

Swedish  commander ;  that  he  had  long  been  in  the  prac- 
tice of  privately  communicating  with  the  Swedes;  to- 
gether with  divers  hints  about  "secret  service-money." 
To  all  which  deadly  charges  I  do  not  give  a  jot  more 
credit  than  I  think  they  deserve. 

Certain  it  is,  that  the  general  vindicated  his  character 
by  the  most  vehement  oaths  and  protestations,  and  put 
every  man  out  of  the  ranks  of  honor  who  dared  to  doubt 
his  integrity.  Moreover,  on  returning  to  New  Amster- 
dam, he  paraded  up  and  down  the  streets  with  a  crew  of 
hard  swearers  at  his  heels, — sturdy  bottle-companions, 
whom  he  gorged  and  fattened,  and  who  were  ready  to 
bolster  him  through  all  the  courts  of  justice, — heroes  of 
his  own  kidney,  fierce-whiskered,  broad-shouldered,  col- 
brand-looking  swaggerers, — not  one  of  whom  but  looked 
as  though  he  could  eat  up  an  ox,  and  pick  his  teeth  with 
the  horns.  These  lifeguard  men  quarrelled  all  his  quar- 
rels, were  ready  to  fight  all  his  battles,  and  scowled  at 
every  man  that  turned  up  his  nose  at  the  general,  as 
though  they  would  devour  him  alive.  Their  conversation 
was  interspersed  with  oaths  like  minute  guns,  and  every 
bombastic  rodomontade  was  rounded  off  by  a  thundering 
execration,  like  a  patriotic  toast  honored  with  a  dis- 
charge of  artillery. 

All  these  valorous  vaporings  had  a  considerable  ef- 
fect in  convincing  certain  profound  sages,  who  began 
to  think  the  general  a  hero  of  unmatchable  loftiness 
and  magnanimity  of  soul,  particularly  as  he  was  con- 


396  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

tinually  protesting  on  the  honor  of  a  soldier, — a  marvel- 
lously high-sounding  asseveration.  Nay,  one  of  the 
members  of  the  council  went  so  far  as  to  propose  they 
should  immortalize  him  by  an  imperishable  statue  of 
plaster  of  Paris. 

But  the  vigilant  Peter  the  Headstrong  was  not  thus  to 
be  deceived.  Sending  privately  for  the  commander-in- 
chief  of  all  the  armies,  and  having  heard  all  his  story, 
garnished  with  the  customary  pious  oaths,  protestations, 
and  ejaculations, — "  Harkee,  comrade,"  cried  he,  "  though 
by  your  own  account  you  are  the  most  brave,  upright, 
and  honorable  man  in  the  whole  province,  yet  do  you  lie 
under  the  misfortune  of  being  damnably  traduced,  and 
immeasurably  despised.  Now,  though  it  is  certainly  hard 
to  punish  a  man  for  his  misfortunes,  and  though  it  is 
very  possible  you  are  totally  innocent  of  the  crimes  laid 
to  your  charge,  yet  as  heaven,  doubtless  for  some  wise 
purpose,  sees  fit  at  present  to  withhold  all  proofs  of  your 
innocence,  far  be  it  from  me  to  counteract  its  sovereign 
will.  Besides,  I  cannot  consent  to  venture  my  armies 
with  a  commander  whom  they  despise,  nor  to  trust  the 
welfare  of  my  people  to  a  champion  whom  they  distrust. 
Retire,  therefore,  my  friend,  from  the  irksome  toils  and 
cares  of  public  life,  with  this  comforting  reflection,  that, 
if  guilty,  you  are  but  enjoying  your  just  reward,  and  if 
innocent,  you  are  not  the  first  great  and  good  man  who 
has  most  wrongfully  been  slandered  and  maltreated  in 
this  wicked  world, — doubtless  to  be  better  treated  in 


PETER'S  SPEECH.  397 

a  better  world,  where  there  shall  be  neither  error, 
calumny,  nor  persecution.  In  the  mean  time  let  me 
never  see  your  face  again,  for  I  have  a  horrible  antipa- 
thy to  the  countenances  of  unfortunate  great  men  like 
yourself." 


CHAPTER  VI. 


IN  WHICH  THE  AUTHOR  DISCOURSES  VERY  INGENUOUSLY  OF  HIMSELF — AFTER 
WHICH  IS  TO  BE  FOUND  MUCH  INTERESTING  HISTORY  ABOUT  PETER  THE 
HEADSTRONG  AND  HIS  FOLLOWERS. 


S  my  readers  and  myself  are  about  entering  on 
as  many  perils  as  ever  a  confederacy  of  meddle- 
some knights-errant  wilfully  ran  their  heads 
into,  it  is  meet  that,  like  those  hardy  adventurers,  we 
should  join  hands,  bury  all  differences,  and  swear  to 
stand  by  one  another,  in  weal  or  woe,  to  the  end  of  the 
enterprise.  My  readers  must  doubtless  perceive  how 
completely  I  have  altered  my  tone  and  deportment  since 
we  first  set  out  together.  I  warrant  they  then  thought 
me  a  crabbed,  cynical,  impertinent  little  son  of  a  Dutch- 
man ;  for  I  scarcely  gave  them  a  civil  word,  nor  so  much 
as  touched  my  beaver,  when  I  had  occasion  to  address 
them.  But  as  we  jogged  along  together  on  the  high  road 
of  my  history,  I  gradually  began  to  relax,  to  grow  more 
courteous,  and  occasionally  to  enter  into  familiar  dis- 
course, until  at  length  I  came  to  conceive  a  most  social, 
companionable  kind  of  regard  for  them.  This  is  just  my 
way :  I  am  always  a  little  cold  and  reserved  at  first,  par- 

398 


THE  AUTHOR  8  WILES.  399 

ticularly  to  people  whom  I  neitlier  know  nor  care  for,  and 
am  only  to  be  completely  won  by  long  intimacy. 

Besides,  why  should  I  have  been  sociable  to  the  crowd 
of  how-d'ye-do  acquaintances  that  flocked  around  me 
at  my  first  appearance  ?  Many  were  merely  attracted  by 
a  new  face;  and  having  stared  me  full  in  the  title- 
page,  walked  off  without  saying  a  word:  while  others 
lingered  yawningly  through  the  preface,  and,  having 
gratified  their  short-lived  curiosity,  soon  dropped  off  one 
by  one.  But,  more  especially  to  try  their  mettle,  I  had 
recourse  to  an  expedient,  similar  to  one  which  we  are 
told  was  used  by  that  peerless  flower  of  chivalry,  King 
Arthur ;  who,  before  he  admitted  any  knight  to  his  inti- 
macy, first  required  that  he  should  show  himself  superior 
to  danger  or  hardships,  by  encountering  unheard-of  mis- 
liaps,  slaying  some  dozen  giants,  vanquishing  wicked  en- 
chanters, not  to  say  a  word  of  dwarfs,  hippogriffs,  and 
fiery  dragons.  On  a  similar  principle  did  I  cunningly 
lead  my  readers,  at  the  first  sally,  into  two  or  three  knot- 
ty chapters,  where  they  were  most  wofully  belabored  and 
buffeted  by  a  host  of  pagan  philosophers  and  infidel 
writers.  Though  naturally  a  very  grave  man,  yet  could  I 
scarcely  refrain  from  smiling  outright  at  seeing  the  utter 
confusion  and  dismay  of  my  valiant  cavaliers.  Some 
dropped  down  dead  (asleep)  on  the  field;  others  threw 
down  my  book  in  the  middle  of  the  first  chapter,  took  to 
their  heels,  and  never  ceased  scampering  until  they  had 
fairly  run  it  out  of  sight:  when  they  stopped  to  tako 


400  BISTORT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

breath,  to  tell  their  friends  what  troubles  they  had  un- 
dergone, and  to  warn  all  others  from  venturing  on  so 
thankless  an  expedition.  Every  page  thinned  my  ranks 
more  and  more ;  and  of  the  vast  multitude  that  first  set 
out,  but  a  comparatively  few  made  shift  to  survive,  in 
exceedingly  battered  condition,  through  the  five  intro- 
ductory chapters. 

What,  then !  would  you  have  had  me  take  such  sun- 
shine, faint-hearted  recreants  to  my  bosom  at  our  first 
acquaintance  ?  No,  no ;  I  reserved  my  friendship  for 
those  who  deserved  it,  for  those  who  undauntedly  bore 
me  company,  in  spite  of  difficulties,  dangers,  and  fatigues. 
And  now,  as  to  those  who  adhere  to  me  at  present,  I  take 
them  affectionately  by  the  hand.  Worthy  and  thrice-be- 
loved readers !  brave  and  well-tried  comrades !  who  have 
faithfully  followed  my  footsteps  through  all  my  wander- 
ings,— I  salute  you  from  my  heart, — I  pledge  myself  to 
stand  by  you  to  the  last,  and  to  conduct  you  (so  Heaven 
speed  this  trusty  weapon  which  I  now  hold  between  my 
fingers)  triumphantly  to  the  end  of  this  our  stupendous 
undertaking. 

But,  hark !  while  we  are  thus  talking,  the  city  of  New 
Amsterdam  is  in  a  bustle.  The  host  of  warriors  en- 
camped in  the  Bowling  Green  are  striking  their  tents ; 
the  brazen  trumpet  of  Antony  Van  Corlear  makes  the 
welkin  to  resound  with  portentous  clangor ;  the  drums 
beat ;  the  standards  of  the  Manhattoes,  of  Hell-gate, 
and  of  Michael  Paw,  wave  proudly  in  the  air.  And  now 


EXCITEMENT  IN  NEW  AMSTERDAM.  4Q1 

behold  where  the  mariners  are  busily  employed  hoisting 
the  sails  of  yon  topsail  schooner,  and  those  clump-built 
sloops,  which  are  to  waft  the  army  of  the  Nederlanders 
to  gather  immortal  honors  on  the  Delaware ! 

The  entire  population  of  the  city,  man,  woman,  and 
child,  turned  out  to  behold  the  chivalry  of  New  Amster- 
dam, as  it  paraded  the  streets  previous  to  embarkation. 
Many  a  handkerchief  was  waved  out  of  the  windows ; 
many  a  fair  nose  was  blown  in  melodious  sorrow  on  the 
mournful  occasion.  The  grief  of  the  fair  dames  and 
beauteous  damsels  of  Granada  could  not  have  been  more 
vociferous  on  the  banishment  of  the  gallant  tribe  of 
Abencerrages  than  was  that  of  the  kind-hearted  fair  ones 
of  New  Amsterdam  on  the  departure  of  their  intrepid 
warriors.  Every  love-sick  maiden  fondly  crammed  the 
pockets  of  her  hero  with  gingerbread  and  doughnuts ; 
many  a  copper  ring  was  exchanged,  and  crooked  sixpence 
broken,  in  pledge  of  eternal  constancy  ;  and  there  remain 
extant  to  this  day  some  love-verses  written  on  that  occa- 
sion, sufficiently  crabbed  and  incomprehensible  to  con- 
found the  whole  universe. 

But  it  was  a  moving  sight  to  see  the  buxom  lasses, 
how  they  hung  about  the  doughty  Antony  Van  Corlear, 
— for  he  was  a  jolly,  rosy-faced,  lusty  bachelor,  fond  of 
his  joke,  and  withal  a  desperate  rogue  among  the  women. 
Eain  would  they  have  kept  him  to  comfort  them  while 
the  army  was  away ;  for,  besides  what  I  have  said  of  him, 
it  is  no  more  than  justice  to  add,  that  he  was  a  kind- 
26 


402  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

hearted  soul,  noted  for  his  benevolent  attentions  in  com- 
forting disconsolate  wives  during. the  absence  of  their 
husbands  ;  and  this  made  him  to  be  very  much  regarded 
by  the  honest  burghers  of  the  city.  But  nothing  could 
keep  the  valiant  Antony  from  following  the  heels  of  the 
old  governor,  whom  he  loved  as  he  did  his  very  soul ;  so, 
embracing  all  the  young  vrouws,  and  giving  every  one  of 
them  that  had  good  teeth  and  rosy  lips  a  dozen  hearty 
smacks,  he  departed,  loaded  with  their  kind  wishes. 

Nor  was  the  departure  of  the  gallant  Peter  among  the 
least  causes  of  public  distress.  Though  the  old  governor 
was  by  no  means  indulgent  to  the  follies  and  wayward- 
ness of  his  subjects,  yet  somehow  or  other  he  had  be- 
come strangely  popular  among  the  people.  There  is 
something  so  captivating  in  personal  bravery,  that,  with 
the  common  mass  of  mankind,  it  takes  the  lead  of  most 
other  merits.  The  simple  folk  of  New  Amsterdam  look- 
ed upon  Peter  Stuyvesant  as  a  prodigy  of  valor.  His 
wooden  leg,  that  trophy  of  his  martial  encounters,  was 
regarded  with  reverence  and  admiration.  Every  old 
burgher  had  a  budget  of  miraculous  stories  to  tell  about 
the  exploits  of  Hardkoppig  Piet,.  wherewith  he  regaled 
his  children  of  a  long  winter  night,  and  on  which  he 
dwelt  with  as  much  delight  and  exaggeration  as  do  our 
honest  country  yeomen  on  the  hardy  adventures  of  old 
General  Putnam  (or,  as  he  is  familiarly  termed,  Old  Pvt) 
during  our  glorious  ^Revolution.  Not  an  individual  but 
verily  believed  the  old  governor  was  a  match  for  Beelze- 


TEE  GOVERNOR'S  ADDRESS.  403 

bub  himself ;  and  there  was  even  a  story  told,  with  great 
mystery,  and  under  the  rose,  of  his  having  shot  the  devil 
with  a  silver  bullet  one  dark  stormy  night,  as  he  was 
sailing  in  a  canoe  through  Hell-gate, — but  this  I  do  not 
record  as  being  an  absolute  fact.  Perish  the  man  who 
would  let  fall  a  drop  to  discolor  the  pure  stream  of 
history ! 

Certain  it  is,  not  an  old  woman  in  New  Amsterdam  but 
considered  Peter  Stuyvesant  as  a  tower  of  strength,  and 
rested  satisfied  that  the  public  welfare  was  secure  so  long 
as  he  was  in  the  city.  It  is  not  surprising,  then,  that 
they  looked  upon  his  departure  as  a  sore  affliction.  With 
heavy  hearts  they  draggled  at  the  heels  of  his  troop,  as 
they  marched  down  to  the  river-side  to  embark.  The 
governor,  from  the  stern  of  his  schooner,  gave  a  short  but 
truly  patriarchal  address  to  his  citizens,  wherein  he  rec- 
ommended them  to  comport  like  loyal  and  peaceable  sub- 
jects,— to  go  to  church  regularly  on  Sundays,  and  to  mind 
their  business  all  the  week  besides.  That  the  women 
should  be  dutiful  and  affectionate  to  their  husbands,— 
looking  after  nobody's  concerns  but  their  own, — eschew- 
ing all  gossipings  and  morning  gaddings,— and  carrying 
short  tongues  and  long  petticoats.  That  the  men  should 
abstain  from  intermeddling  in  public  concerns,  intrusting 
the  cares  of  government  to  the  officers  appointed  to  sup- 
port them,— staying  at  home,  like  good  citizens,  making 
money  for  themselves,  and  getting  children  for  the  bene- 
fit of  their  country.  That  the  burgomasters  should  look 


404  HISTOBT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

well  to  the  public  interest, — not  oppressing  the  poor  no? 
indulging  the  rich, — not  tasking  their  ingenuity  to  devise 
new  laws,  but  faithfully  enforcing  those  which  were  al- 
ready made, — rather  bending  their  attention  to  prevent 
evil  than  to  punish  it;  ever  recollecting  that  civil  magis- 
trates should  consider  themselves  more  as  guardians  of 
public  morals  than  rat-catchers  employed  to  entrap  pub- 
lic delinquents.  Finally,  he  exhorted  them,  one  and  all, 
high  and  low,  rich  and  poor,  to  conduct  themselves  as 
well  as  they  could,  assuring  them  that  if  they  faithfully  and 
conscientiously  complied  with  this  golden  rule,  there  was 
no  danger  but  that  they  would  all  conduct  themselves 
well  enough.  This  done,  he  gave  them  a  paternal  bene- 
diction, the  sturdy  Antony  sounded  a  most  loving  fare- 
well with  his  trumpet,  the  jolly  crews  put  up  a  shout  of 
triumph,  and  the  invincible  armada  swept  off  proudly 
down  the  bay. 

The  good  people  of  New  Amsterdam  crowded  down  to 
the  Battery, — that  blest  resort,  from  whence  so  many  a 
tender  prayer  has  been  wafted,  so  many  a  fair  hand  wav- 
ed, so  many  a  tearful  look  been  cast  by  lovesick  damsel, 
after  the  lessening  bark,  bearing  her  adventurous  swain 
to  distant  climes! — Here  the  populace  watched  with 
straining  eyes  the  gallant  squadron,  as  it  slowly  floated 
down  the  bay,  and  when  the  intervening  land  at  the  Nar- 
rows shut  it  from  their  sight,  gradually  dispersed  with 
silent  tongues  and  downcast  countenances. 

A  heavy  gloom  hung  over  the  late  bustling  city :  the 


BEFORE  FORT  CASIMIR.  405 

honest  burghers  smoked  their  pipes  in  profound  thought- 
fulness,  casting  many  a  wistful  look  to  the  weathercock 
on  the  church  of  St.  Nicholas ;  and  all  the  old  women, 
having  no  longer  the  presence  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  to 
hearten  them,  gathered  their  children  home,  arid  barri- 
caded the  doors  and  windows  every  evening  at  sundown. 

In  the  meanwhile  the  armada  of  the  sturdy  Peter  pro- 
ceeded prosperously  on  its  voyage  ;  and  after  encounter- 
ing about  as  many  storms,  and  water-spouts,  and  whales, 
and  other  horrors  and  phenomena  as  generally  befall  ad- 
venturous landsmen  in  perilous  voyages  of  the  kind,  and 
after  undergoing  a  severe  scouring  from  that  deplorable 
and  unpitied  malady  called  seasickness,  the  whole  squad- 
ron arrived  safely  in  the  Delaware. 

Without  so  much  as  dropping  anchor  and  giving  his 
wearied  ships  time  to  breathe,  after  laboring  so  long  on 
the  ocean,  the  intrepid  Peter  pursued  his  course  up  the 
Delaware,  and  made  a  sudden  appearance  before  Fort 
Casimir.  Having  summoned  the  astonished  garrison  by 
a  terrific  blast  from  the  trumpet  of  the  long-winded  Yan 
Corlear,  he  demanded,  in  a  tone  of  thunder,  an  instant 
surrender  of  the  fort.  To  this  demand,  Suen  Skytte,  the 
wind-dried  commandant,  replied  in  a  shrill,  whiffling 
voice,  which,  by  reason  of  his  extreme  spareness,  sounded 
like  the  wind  whistling  through  a  broken  bellows,— 
"  That  he  had  no  very  strong  reason  for  refusing,  except 
that  the  demand  was  particularly  disagreeable,  as  he  had 
been  ordered  to  maintain  his  post  to  the  last  extremity." 


406  HISTORY   OF  NEW  YORK. 

He  requested  time,  therefore,  to  consult  with  Governor 
Risingh,  and  proposed  a  truce  for  that  purpose. 

The  choleric  Peter,  indignant  at  having  his  rightful 
fort  so  treacherously  taken  from  him,  and  thus  pertina- 
ciously withheld,  refused  the  proposed  armistice,  and 
swore  by  the  pipe  of  St.  Nicholas,  which,  like  the  sacred 
fire,  was  never  extinguished,  that  unless  the  fort  were 
surrendered  in  ten  minutes,  he  would  incontinently  storm 
the  works,  make  all  the  garrison  run  the  gauntlet,  and 
split  their  scoundrel  of  a  commander  like  a  pickled  shad. 
To  give  this  menace  the  greater  effect,  he  drew  forth  his 
trusty  sword,  and  shook  it  at  them  with  such  a  fierce  and 
vigorous  motion,  that  doubtless,  if  it  had  not  been  ex- 
ceedingly rusty,  it  would  have  lightened  terror  into  the 
eyes  and  hearts  of  the  enemy.  He  then  ordered  his  men 
to  bring  a  broadside  to  bear  upon  the  fort,  consisting  of 
two  swivels,  three  muskets,  a  long  duck  fowling-piece, 
and  two  brace  of  horse-pistols. 

In  the  mean  time  the  sturdy  Yan  Corlear  marshalled 
all  the  forces,  and  commenced  his  warlike  operations. 
Distending  his  cheeks  like  a  very  Boreas,  he  kept  up  a 
most  horrific  twanging  of  his  trumpet, — the  lusty  choris- 
ters of  Sing-Sing  broke  forth  into  a  hideous  song  of 
battle, — the  warriors  of  Breuckelen  and  the  Wallabout 
blew  a  potent  and  astonishing  blast  on  their  conch  shells, 
— altogether  forming  as  outrageous  a  concerto  as  though 
five  thousand  French  fiddlers  were  displaying  their  skill 
in  a  modern  overture. 


CORLEAR'3  HOOK.  407 

Whether  the  formidable  front  of  war  thus  suddenly 
presented  smote  the  garrison  with  sore  dismay,  —  or 
whether  the  concluding  terms  of  the  summons,  which 
mentioned  that  he  should  surrender  "at  discretion,"  were 
mistaken  by  Suen  Skytte,  who,  though  a  Swede,  was  a 
very  considerate,  easy-tempered  man,  as  a  compliment  to 
liis  discretion,  I  will  not  take  upon  me  to  say ;  certain  it 
is  he  found  it  impossible  to  resist  so  courteous  a  demand. 
Accordingly,  in  the  very  nick  of  time,  just  as  the  cabin- 
boy  had  gone  after  a  coal  of  fire  to  discharge  the  swivel,  a 
chamade  was  beat  on  the  rampart  by  the  only  drum  in 
the  garrison,  to  the  no  small  satisfaction  of  both  parties, 
who,  notwithstanding  their  great  stomach  for  fighting, 
had  full  as  good  an  inclination  to  eat  a  quiet  dinner  as  to 
exchange  black  eyes  and  bloody  noses. 

Thus  did  this  impregnable  fortress  once  more  return 
to  the  domination  of  their  High  Mightinesses.  Skytte 
and  his  garrison  of  twenty  men  were  allowed  to  march 
out  with  the  honors  of  war ;  and  the  victorious  Peter, 
who  was  as  generous  as  brave,  permitted  them  to  keep 
possession  of  all  their  arms  and  ammunition, — the  same 
on  inspection  being  found  totally  unfit  for  service,  having 
long  rusted  in  the  magazine  of  the^  fortress,  even  before 
it  was  wrested  by  the  Swedes  from  the  windy  Van  Poffen- 
burgh.  But  I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  the  gover- 
nor was  so  well  pleased  with  the  service  of  his  faithful 
squire,  Van  Corlear,  in  the  reduction  of  this  great  for- 
tress, that  he  made  him  on  the  spot  lord  of  a  goodly  do- 


408  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

main  in  the  vicinity  of  New  Amsterdam, — which  goes  by 
the  name  of  Corlear's  Hook  unto  this  very  day. 

The  unexampled  liberality  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  towards 
the  Swedes,  occasioned  great  surprise  in  the  city  of  New 
Amsterdam, — nay,  certain  factious  individuals,  who  had 
been  enlightened  by  political  meetings  in  the  days  of 
William  the  Testy,  but  who  had  not  dared  to  indulge 
their  meddlesome  habits  under  the  eye  of  their  present 
ruler,  now,  emboldened  by  his  absence,  gave  vent  to  their 
censures  in  the  street.  Murmurs  were  heard  in  the  very 
council-chamber  of  New  Amsterdam ;  and  there  is  no 
knowing  whether  they  might  not  have  broken  out  into 
downright  speeches  and  invectives,  had  not  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant privately  sent  home  his  walking-staff,  to  be  laid 
as  a  mace  on  the  table  of  the  council-chamber,  in  the 
midst  of  his  counsellors  ;  who,  like  wise  men,  took  the 
hint,  and  forever  after  held  their  peace. 


CHAPTEB  YEL 

SHOWING  THE  GREAT  ADVANTAGE  THAT  THE  AUTHOR  HAS  OVER  HIS  READER 
IN  TIME  OF  BATTLE— TOGETHER  WITH  DIVERS  PORTENTOUS  MOVEMENTS; 
WHICH  BETOKEN  THAT  SOMETHING  TERRIBLE  IS  ABOUT  TO  HAPPEN. 

IKE  as  a  mighty  alderman,  when  at  a  corpora- 
tion feast  the  first  spoonful  of  turtle-soup  sa- 
lutes his  palate,  feels  his  appetite  but  tenfold 
quickened,  and  redoubles  his  vigorous  attacks  upon  the 
tureen,  while  his  projecting  eyes  roll  greedily  round,  de- 
vouring everything  at  table,  so  did  the  mettlesome  Peter 
Stuyvesant  feel  that  hunger  for  martial  glory,  which 
raged  within  his  bowels,  inflamed  by  the  capture  of  Fort 
Casimir,  and  nothing  could  allay  it  but  the  conquest  of 
all  New  Sweden.  No  sooner,  therefore,  had  he  secured 
his  conquest,  than  he  stumped  resolutely  on,  flushed  with 
success,  to  gather  fresh  laurels  at  Fort  Christina.* 

This  was  the  grand  Swedish  post,  established  on  a 
small  river  (or,  as  it  is  improperly  termed,  creek)  of  the 
same  name ;  and  here  that  crafty  governor  Jan  Ptisingh 
lay  grimly  drawn  up,  like  a  gray-bearded  spider  in  the 
citadel  of  his  web. 

*  At  present  a  flourishing  town,  called  Christiana,  or  Christeen,  alxmt 
thirty-seven  miles  from  Philadelphia,  on  the  post-road  to  Baltimore. 

409 


410  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

But  before  we  hurry  into  tlie  direful  scenes  which  must 
attend  the  meeting  of  two  such  potent  chieftains,  it  is  ad- 
visable to  pause  for  a  moment,  and  hold  a  kind  of  war- 
like council.  Battles  should  not  be  rushed  into  precipi- 
tately by  the  historian  and  his  readers,  any  more  than  by 
the  general  and  his  soldiers.  The  great  commanders  of 
antiquity  never  engaged  the  enemy  without  previously 
preparing  the  minds  of  their  followers  by  animating 
harangues,  spiriting  them  up  to  heroic  deeds,  assuring 
them  of  the  protection  of  the  gods,  and  inspiring  them 
with  a  confidence  in  the  prowess  of  their  leaders.  So  the 
historian  should  awaken  the  attention  and  enlist  the 
passions  of  his  readers  ;  and  having  set  them  all  on  fire 
with  the  importance  of  his  subject,  he  should  put  him- 
self at  their  head,  flourish  his  pen,  and  lead  them  on  to 
the  thickest  of  the  fight. 

An  illustrious  example  of  this  rule  may  be  seen  in  that 
mirror  of  historians,  the  immortal  Thucydides.  Having 
arrived  at  the  breaking  out  of  the  Peloponnesian  war, 
one  of  his  commentators  observes  that  "he  sounds  the 
charge  in  all  the  disposition  and  spirit  of  Homer.  He 
catalogues  the  allies  on  both  sides.  He  awakens  our  ex- 
pectations, and  fast  engages  our  attention.  All  mankind 
are  concerned  in  the  important  point  now  going  to  be  de- 
cided. Endeavors  are  made  to  disclose  fiiturity.  Heaven 
itself  is  interested  in  the  dispute.  The  earth  totters,  and 
nature  seems  to  labor  with  the  great  event.  This  is  his 
solemn,  sublime  manner  of  setting  out.  Thus  he  magni- 


HISTORIANS'  LICENSE.  411 

fies  a  war  between  two,  as  Eapin  styles  them,  petty 
states ;  and  thus  artfully  he  supports  a  little  subject  by 
treating  it  in  a  great  and  noble  method." 

In  like  manner,  having  conducted  my  readers  into  the 
very  teeth  of  peril, — having  followed  the  adventurous 
Peter  and  his  band  into  foreign  regions,  surrounded  by 
foes,  and  stunned  by  the  horrid  din  of  arms, — at  this 
important  moment,  while  darkness  and  doubt  hang  o'er 
each  coming  chapter,  I  hold  it  meet  to  harangue  them, 
and  prepare  them  for  the  events  that  are  to  follow. 

And  here  I  would  premise  one  great  advantage  which, 
as  historian,  I  possess  over  my  reader ;  and  this  it  is, 
that,  though  I  cannot  save  the  life  of  my  favorite  hero, 
nor  absolutely  contradict  the  event  of  a  battle  (both 
which  liberties,  though  often  taken  by  the  French  writers 
of  the  present  reign,  I  hold  to  be  utterly  unworthy  of  a 
scrupulous  historian),  yet  I  can  now  and  then  make  him 
bestow  on  his  enemy  a  sturdy  back-stroke  sufficient  to 
fell  a  giant, — though,  in  honest  truth,  he  may  never  have 
done  anything  of  the  kind, — or  I  can  drive  his  antagonist 
clear  round  and  round  the  field,  as  did  Homer  make  that 
fine  fellow  Hector  scamper  like  a  poltroon  round  the 
walls  of  Troy  ;  for  which,  if  ever  they  have  encountered 
one  another  in  the  Elysian  fields,  I'll  warrant  the  prince 
of  poets  has  had  to  make  the  most  humble  apology. 

I  am  aware  that  many  conscientious  readers  will  be 
ready  to  cry  out  "  foul  play !  "  whenever  I  render  a  little 
assistance  to  my  hero,  but  I  consider  it  one  of  those 


412  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

privileges  exercised  by  historians  of  all  ages,  and  one 
which  has  never  been  disputed.  An  historian  is,  in  fact, 
as  it  were,  bound  in  honor  to  stand  by  his  hero ;  the  fame 
of  the  latter  is  intrusted  to  his  hands,  and  it  is  his  duty 
to  do  the  best  by  it  he  can.  Never  was  there  a  general, 
an  admiral,  or  any  other  commander,  who,  in  giving  ac- 
count of  any  battle  he  had  fought,  did  not  sorely  belabor 
the  enemy ;  and  I  have  no  doubt  that,  had  my  heroes 
written  the  history  of  their  own  achievements,  they 
would  have  dealt  much  harder  blows  than  any  that  I 
shall  recount.  Standing  forth,  therefore,  as  the  guardian 
of  their  fame,  it  behooves  me  to  do  them  the  same  jus- 
tice they  would  have  done  themselves ;  and  if  I  happen 
to  be  a  little  hard  upon  the  Swedes,  I  give  free  leave  to 
any  of  their  descendants,  who  may  write  a  story  of  the 
State  of  Delaware,  to  take  fair  retaliation,  and  belabor 
Peter  Stuyvesant  as  hard  as  they  please. 

Therefore  stand  by  for  broken  heads  and  bloody  noses ! 
My  pen  hath  long  itched  for  a  battle  ;  siege  after  siege 
have  I  carried  on  without  blows  or  bloodshed  ;  but  now 
I  have  at  length  got  a  chance,  and  I  vow  to  Heaven  and 
St.  Nicholas,  that,  let  the  chronicles  of  the  times  say 
what  they  please,  neither  Sallust,  Livy,  Tacitus,  Polybius, 
nor  any  other  historian,  did  ever  record  a  fiercer  fight 
than  that  in  which  my  valiant  chieftains  are  now  about 
to  engage. 

And  you,  oh  most  excellent  readers,  whom,  for  your 
faithful  adherence,  I  could  cherish  in  the  warmest  corner 


IN   PACE   PARE   BELLUM. 


FORT  CHRISTINA. 

of  my  heart,  be  not  uneasy, — trust  the  fate  of  our  favor- 
ite Stuyvesant  with  me,  for  by  the  rood,  come  what  may, 
I'll  stick  by  Hardkoppig  Piet  to  the  last.  I'll  make  him 
drive  about  these  losels  vile,  as  did  the  renowned  Laun- 
celot  of  the  Lake  a  herd  of  recreant  Cornish  knights ; 
and  if  he  does  fall,  let  me  never  draw  my  pen  to  fight 
another  battle  in  behalf  of  a  brave  man,  if  I  don't  make 
these  lubberly  Swedes  pay  for  it ! 

No  sooner  had  Peter  Stuyvesant  arrived  at  Fort  Chris- 
tina than  he  proceeded  without  delay  to  intrench  him- 
self, and  immediately  on  running  his  first  parallel,  dis- 
patched Antony  Yan  Corlear  to  summon  the  fortress  to 
surrender.  Yan  Corlear  was  received  with  all  due  for- 
mality, hoodwinked  at  the  portal,  and  conducted  through 
a  pestiferous  smell  of  salt  fish  and  onions  to  the  citadel, 
a  substantial  hut  built  of  pine  logs.  His  eyes  were  here 
uncovered,  and  he  found  himself  in  the  august  presence 
of  Governor  Risingh.  This  chieftain,  as  I  have  before 
noted,  was  a  very  giantly  man,  and  was  clad  in  a  coarse 
blue  coat,  strapped  round  the  waist  with  a  leathern  belt, 
which  caused  the  enormous  skirts  and  pockets  to  set  off 
with  a  very  warlike  sweep.  His  ponderous  bgs  were 
cased  in  a  pair  of  foxy-colored  jackboots,  and  he  was 
straddling  in  the  attitude  of  the  Colossus  of  Rhodes  be- 
fore a  bit  of  broken  looking-glass,  shaving  himself  with  a 
villanously  dull  razor.  This  afflicting  operation  caused 
him  to  make  a  series  of  horrible  grimaces,  which  height- 
ened exceedingly  the  grisly  terrors  of  his  visage.  On 


414  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

Antony  Van  Corlear's  being  announced,  the  grim  com- 
mander paused  for  a  moment  in  the  midst  of  one  of  his 
m.cst  hard -favored  contortions,  and  after  eying  him 
askance  over  the  shoulder,  with  a  kind  of  snarling  grin 
on  his  countenance,  resumed  his  labors  at  the  glass. 

This  iron  harvest  being  reaped,  he  turned  once  more  to 
the  trumpeter,  and  demanded  the  purport  of  his  errand. 
Antony  Van  Corlear  delivered  in  a  few  words,  being  a 
kind  of  short-hand  speaker,  a  long  message  from  his 
Excellency,  recounting  the  whole  history  of  the  province, 
with  a  recapitulation  of  grievances,  and  enumeration  of 
claims,  and  concluding  with  a  peremptory  demand  of  in- 
stant surrender ;  which  done,  he  turned  aside,  took  his 
nose  between  his  thumb  and  fingers,  and  blew  a  tremen- 
dous blast,  not  unlike  the  flourish  of  a  trumpet  of  defi- 
ance,— which  it  had  doubtless  learned  from  a  long  and 
intimate  neighborhood  with  that  melodious  instrument. 

Governor  Risingh  heard  him  through,  trumpet  and  all, 
but  with  infinite  impatience, — leaning  at  times,  as  was 
his  usual  custom,  on  the  pommel  of  his  sword,  and  at 
times  twirling  a  huge  steel  watch-chain,  or  snapping  his 
fingers.  Van  Corlear  having  finished,  he  bluntly  replied, 
that  Peter  Stuyvesant  and  his  summons  might  go  to  the 
d — 1,  whither  he  hoped  to  send  him  and  his  crew  of  raga- 
muffins before  supper-time.  Then  unsheathing  his  brass- 
hilted  sword,  and  throwing  away  the  scabbard, — "'Fore 
gad,"  quod  he,  "but  I  will  not  sheathe  thee  again  until  I 
make  a  scabbard  of  the  smoke-dried  leathern  hide  of 


RISItfGlf'S  DEFIANCE.  415 

this  runagate  Dutchman."  Then  having  flung  a  fierce 
defiance  in  the  teeth  of  his  adversary  by  the  lips  of  his 
messenger,  the  latter  was  reconducted  to  the  portal  with 
ail  the  ceremonious  civility  due  to  the  trumpeter,  squire, 
and  ambassador  of  so  great  a  commander;  and  being 
again  unblinded,  was  courteously  dismissed  with  a  tweak 
of  the  nose,  to  assist  him  in  recollecting  his  message. 

No  sooner  did  the  gallant  Peter  receive  this  insolent 
reply  than  he  let  fly  a  tremendous  volley  of  red-hot  exe- 
crations, which  would  infallibly  have  battered  clown  the 
fortifications,  and  blown  up  the  powder-magazine  about 
the  ears  of  the  fiery  Swede,  had  not  the  ramparts  been 
remarkably  strong,  and  the  magazine  bomb-proof.  Per- 
ceiving that  the  works  withstood  this  terrific  blast,  and 
that  it  was  utterly  impossible  (as  it  really  was  in  those 
unphilosophic  days)  to  carry  on  a  war  with  words,  he 
ordered  his  merry  men  all  to  prepare  for  an  immediate 
assault.  But  here  a  strange  murmur  broke  out  among 
his  troops,  beginning  with  the  tribe  of  the  Yan  Bummels, 
those  valiant  trenchermen  of  the  Bronx,  and  spreading 
from  man  to  man,  accompanied  with  certain  mutinous 
looks  and  discontented  murmurs.  For  once  in  his  life, 
and  only  for  once,  did  the  great  Peter  turn  pale,  for  he 
verily  thought  his  warriors  were  going  to  falter  in  this 
hour  of  perilous  trial,  and  thus  to  tarnish  forever  the 
fame  of  the  province  of  New  Netherlands. 

But  soon  did  he  discover,  to  his  great  joy,  that  in  his 
suspicion  he  deeply  wronged  his  most  undaunted  army; 


416  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

for  the  cause  of  this  agitation  and  uneasiness  simply  was, 
that  the  hour  of  dinner  was  at  hand,  and  it  would  have 
almost  broken  the  hearts  of  these  regular  Dutch  warriors 
to  have  broken  in  upon  the  invariable  routine  of  their 
habits.  Besides,  it  was  an  established  rule  among  our 
ancestors  always  to  fight  upon  a  full  stomach ;  and  to  this 
may  be  doubtless  attributed  the  circumstance  that  they 
came  to  be  so  renowned  in  arms. 

And  now  are  the  hearty  men  of  the  Manhattoes,  and 
their  no  less  hearty  comrades,  all  lustily  engaged  under 
the  trees,  buffeting  stoutly  with  the  contents  of  their  wal- 
lets, and  taking  such  affectionate  embraces  of  their  can- 
teens and  pottles  as  though  they  verily  believed  they 
were  to  be  the  last.  And  as  I  foresee  we  shall  have  hot 
•work  in  a  page  or  two,  I  advise  my  readers  to  do  the 
same,  for  which  purpose  I  will  bring  this  chapter  to  a 
close, — giving  them  my  word  of  honor,  that  no  advantage 
shall  be  taken  of  this  armistice  to  surprise,  or  in  any  wise 
molest,  the  honest  Nederlanders  while  at  their  vigorous 
repast. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

CONTAINING  THE  MOST  HORKIBLE  BATTLE  EVER  RECORDED  IN  POETRY  OR  PROSE  ; 
WITH  THE  ADMIRABLE  EXPLOITS  OF  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG. 


OW  had  the  Dutchmen  snatched  a  huge  repast, 
and  finding  themselves  wonderfully  encouraged 
and  animated  thereby,  prepared  to  take  the 
field.  Expectation,  says  the  writer  of  the  Stuyvesant 
manuscript, — Expectation  now  stood  on  stilts.  The  world 
forgot  to  turn  round,  or  rather  stood  still,  that  it  might 
witness  the  affray, — like  a  round-bellied  alderman,  watch- 
ing the  combat  of  two  chivalrous  flies  upon  his  jerkin. 
The  eyes  of  all  mankind,  as  usual  in  such  cases,  were 
turned  upon  Fort  Christina.  The  sun,  like  a  little  man  in 
a  crowd  at  a  puppet-show,  scampered  about  the  heavens, 
popping  his  head  here  and  there,  and  endeavoring  to  get 
a  peep  between  the  unmannerly  clouds  that  obtruded 
themselves  in  his  way.  The  historians  filled  their  ink- 
horns  ;  the  poets  went  without  their  dinners,  either  that 
they  might  buy  paper  and  goose-quills,  or  because  they 
could  not  get  anything  to  eat.  Antiquity  scowled  sulkily 
out  of  its  grave,  to  see  itself  outdone, — while  even  Pos- 
terity stood  mute,  gazing  in  gaping  ecstasy  of  retrospec- 
tion on  the  eventful  field. 

27  417 


118  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

The  immortal  deities,  who  whilom  had  seen  service  at 
the  "affair"  of  Troy,  now  mounted  their  feather-bed 
clouds,  and  sailed  over  the  plain,  or  mingled  among  the 
combatants  in  different  disguises,  all  itching  to  have  a 
linger  in  the  pie.  Jupiter  sent  off  his  thunderbolt  to  a 
noted  coppersmith,  to  have  it  furbished  up  for  the  direful 
occasion.  Venus  vowed  by  her  chastity  to  patronize  the 
Swedes,  and  in  semblance  of  a  blear-eyed  trull  paraded 
the  battlements  of  Fort  Christina,  accompanied  by  Diana, 
as  a  sergeant's  widow,  of  cracked  reputation.  The  noted 
bully,  Mars,  stuck  two  horse-pistols  into  his  belt,  shoul- 
dered a  rusty  firelock,  and  gallantly  swaggered  at  their 
elbow,  as  a  drunken  corporal, — while  Apollo  trudged  in 
their  rear,  as  a  bandy-legged  fifer,  playing  most  villan- 
ously  out  of  tune. 

On  the  other  side,  the  ox-eyed  Juno,  who  had  gained  a 
pair  of  black  eyes  overnight,  in  one  of  her  curtain-lec- 
tures with  old  Jupiter,  displayed  her  haughty  beauties 
on  a  baggage-wagon;  Minerva,  as  a  brawny  gin-suttler, 
tucked  up  her  skirts,  brandished  her  fists,  and  swore 
most  heroically,  in  exceeding  bad  Dutch  (having  but 
lately  studied  the  language),  by  way  of  keeping  up  the 
spirits  of  the  soldiers ;  while  Vulcan  halted  as  a  club- 
footed  blacksmith,  lately  promoted  to  be  a  captain  of 
militia.  All  was  silent  awe,  or  bustling  preparation :  war 
reared  his  horrid  front,  gnashed  loud  his  iron  fangs,  and 
shook  his  direful  crest  of  bristling  bayonets. 

And  now  the  mighty  chieftains  marshalled  out  their 


PETER  STUYVESANT'S  ARMY.  41<J 

hosts.  Here  stood  stout  Eisingh,  firm  as  a  thousand 
rocks, — incrusted  with  stockades,  and  intrenched  to  the 
chin  in  mud  batteries.  His  valiant  soldiery  lined  the 
breastwork  in  grim  array,  each  having  his  mustachios 
fiercely  greased,  and  his  hair  pomatumed  back,  and 
queued  so  stiffly,  that  he  grinned  above  the  ramparts  like 
a  grisly  death's-head. 

There  came  on  the  intrepid  Peter, — his  brows  knit,  his 
teeth  set,  his  fists  clenched,  almost  breathing  forth  vol- 
umes of  smoke,  so  fierce  was  the  fire  that  raged  within 
his  bosom.  His  faithful  squire  Van  Corlear  trudged  val- 
iantly at  his  heels,  with  his  trumpet  gorgeously  bedecked 
with  red  and  yellow  ribbons,  the  remembrances  of  his 
fair  mistresses  at  the  Manhattoes.  Then  came  waddling 
on  the  sturdy  chivalry  of  the  Hudson.  There  were  the  Van 
Wycks,  and  the  Van  Dycks,  and  the  Ten  Eycks ;  the  Van 
Nesses,  the  Van  Tassels,  the  Van  Grolls ;  the  Van  Hoe- 
sens,  the  Van  Giesons,  and  the  Van  Blarcoms ;  the  Van 
Warts,  the  Van  Winkles,  the  Van  Dams ;  the  Van  Pelts, 
the  Van  Rippers,  and  the  Van  Brunts.  There  were  the 
Van  Homes,  the  Van  Hooks,  the  Van  Bunschotens ;  the 
Van  Gelders,  the  Van  Arsdales,  and  the  Van  Bummels ; 
the  Vander  Belts,  the  Vander  Hoofs,  the  Vander  Voorts, 
the  Vander  Lyns,  the  Vander  Pools,  and  the  Vander 
Spiegles ; -— then  came  the  Hoffmans,  the  Hooghlands, 
the  Hoppers,  the  Cloppers,  the  Eyckmans,  the  Dyck- 
mans,  the  Hogebooms,  the  Eosebooms,  the  Oothouts,  tho 
Quackenbosses,  the  Eoerbacks,  the  Garrebrantzes,  tho 


420  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

Bensons,  the  Brouwers,  the  Waldrons,  the  Onderdonks, 
the  Yarra  Vangers,  the  Schermerhorns,  the  Stouten- 
burghs,  the  Brinkerhoffs,  the  Bontecous,  the  Knicker- 
bockers, the  Hockstrassers,  the  Ten  Breecheses  and  the 
Tough  Breecheses,  with  a  host  more  of  worthies,  whose 
names  are  too  crabbed  to  be  written,  or  if  they  could  be 
written,  it  would  be  impossible  for  man  to  utter, — all  for- 
tified with  a  mighty  dinner,  and,  to  use  the  words  of  a 
great  Dutch  poet, 

"  Brimful  of  wrath  and  cabbage." 

For  an  instant  the  mighty  Peter  paused  in  the  midst 
of  his  career,  and  mounting  on  a  stump,  addressed  his 
troops  in  eloquent  Low  Dutch,  exhorting  them  to  fight 
like  duyvd-s,  and  assuring  them  that  if  they  conquered, 
they  should  gejj  plenty  of  booty, — if  they  fell,  they  should 
be  allowed  the  satisfaction,  while  dying,  of  reflecting  that 
it  was  in  the  service  of  their  country,  and  after  they  were 
dead,  of  seeing  their  names  inscribed  in  the  temple  of 
renown,  and  handed  down,  in  company  with  all  the  other 
great  men  of  the  year,  for  the  admiration  of  posterity. 
Finally,  he  swore  to  them,  on  the  word  of  a  governor 
(and  they  knew  him  too  well  to  doubt  it  for  a  moment), 
that  if  he  caught  any  mother's  son  of  them  looking  pale, 
or  playing  craven,  he  would  curry  his  hide  till  he  made 
him  run  out  of  it  like  a  snake  in  spring-time.  Then  lug- 
ging out  his  trusty  sabre,  he  brandished  it  three  times 
over  his  head,  ordered  Van  Corlear  to  sound  a  charge, 


THE  SWEDES'  ONSLAUGHT.  421 

and  shouting  the  words  "  St.  Nicholas  and  the  Manhat- 
toes  ! "  courageously  dashed  forwards.  His  warlike  follow- 
ers, who  had  employed  the  interval  in  lighting  their  pipes, 
instantly  stuck  them  into  their  mouths,  gave  a  furious 
puff,  and  charged  gallantly  under  cover  of  the  smoke. 

Tne  Swedish  garrison,  ordered  by  the  cunning  Bisingh 
not  to  fire  until  they  could  distinguish  the  whites  of  their 
assailants'  eyes,  stood  in  horrid  silence  on  the  covert- 
way,  until  the  eager  Dutchmen  had  ascended  the  glacis. 
Then  did  they  pour  into  them  such  a  tremendous  volley, 
that  the  very  hills  quaked  around,  and  were  terrified  even 
unto  an  incontinence  of  water,  insomuch  that  certain 
springs  burst  forth  from  their  sides,  which  continue  to 
run  unto  the  present  day.  Not  a  Dutchman  but  would 
have  bitten  the  dust  beneath  that  dreadful  fire,  had  not 
the  protecting  Minerva  kindly  taken  care  that  the  Swedes 
should,  one  and  all,  observe  their  usual  custom  of  shut- 
ting their  eyes  and  turning  away  their  heads  at  the  mo- 
ment of  discharge. 

The  Swedes  followed  up  their  fire  by  leaping  the  coun- 
terscarp, and  falling  tooth  and  nail  upon  the  foe  with  furi- 
ous outcries.  And  now  might  be  seen  prodigies  of  valor, 
unmatched  in  history  or  song.  Here  was  the  sturdy 
Stoffel  Brinkerhoff  brandishing  his  quarter-staff,  like  the 
giant  Blanderon  his  oak-tree  (for  he  scorned  to  carry  any 
other  weapon),  and  drumming  a  horrific  tune  upon  the 
hard  heads  of  the  Swedish  soldiery.  There  were  the  Van 
Kortlandts,  posted  at  a  distance,  like  the  Locrian  archers 


422  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

of  yore,  and  plying  it  most  potently  with  the  long-bow, 
for  which  they  were  so  justly  renowned.  On  a  rising 
knoll  were  gathered  the  valiant  men  of  Sing-Sing,  assist- 
ing marvellously  in  the  fight,  by  chanting  the  great  song 
of  St.  Nicholas;  but  as  to  the  Gardeniers  of  Hudson, 
they  were  absent  on  a  marauding  party,  laying  waste  the 
neighboring  water-melon  patches. 

In  a  different  part  of  the  field  were  the  Van  Grolls  of 
Antony's  Nose,  struggling  to  get  to  the  thickest  of  the 
fight,  but  horribly  perplexed  in  a  defile  between  two 
hills,  by  reason  of  the  length  of  their  noses.  So  also  the 
Van  Bunschotens  of  Nyack  and  Kakiat,  so  renowned  for 
kicking  with  the  left  foot,  were  brought  to  a  stand  for 
want  of  wind,  in  consequence  of  the  hearty  dinner  they 
had  eaten,  and  would  have  been  put  to  utter  rout  but  for 
the  arrival  of  a  gallant  corps  of  voltigeurs,  composed  of 
the  Hoppers,  who  advanced  nimbly  to  their  assistance  on 
one  foot.  Nor  must  I  omit  to  mention  the  valiant  achieve- 
ments of  Antony  Yan  Corlear,  who,  for  a  good  quarter  of 
an  hour,  waged  stubborn  fight  with  a  little  pursy  Swedish 
drummer,  whose  hide  he  drummed  most  magnificently, 
and  whom  he  would  infallibly  have  annihilated  on  the 
spot,  but  that  he  had  come  into  the  battle  with  no  other 
weapon  but  his  trumpet. 

But  now  the  combat  thickened.  On  came  the  mighty 
Jacobus  Varra  Yanger  and  the  fighting  men  of  the  Walla- 
bout  ;  after  them  thundered  the  Yan  Pelts  of  Esopus,  to- 
gether with  the  Yan  Rippers  and  the  Yan  Brunts,  bearing 


THE  THICK  OF  THE  BATTLE.  423 

clown  all  before  them ;  then  the  Suy  Dams,  and  the  Van 
Dams,  pressing  forward  with  many  a  blustering  oath,  at 
the  head  of  the  warriors  of  Hell-gate,  clad  in  their  thun- 
der-and-lightning  gaberdines;  and  lastly,  the  standard- 
bearers  and  body-guard  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  bearing  the 
great  beaver  of  the  Manhattoes. 

And  now  commenced  the  horrid  din,  the  desperate 
struggle,  the  maddening  ferocity,  the  frantic  desperation, 
the  confusion  and  self-abandonment  of  war.  Dutchman 
and  Swede  commingled,  tugged,  panted,  and  blowed. 
The  heavens  were  darkened  with  a  tempest  of  missives. 
Bang !  went  the  guns ;  whack !  went  the  broad-swords ; 
thump !  went  the  cudgels ;  crash !  went  the  musket-stocks ; 
blows,  kicks,  cuffs,  scratches,  black  eyes  and  bloody  noses 
swelling  the  horrors  of  the  scene !  Thick  thwack,  cut 
and  hack,  helter-skelter,  higgledy-piggledy,  hurly-burly, 
head-over-heels,  rough-and-tumble  !  Dunder  and  blix- 
um!  swore  the  Dutchmen;  splitter  and  splutter!  cried 
the  Swedes.  Storm  the  works!  shouted  Hardkoppig 
Peter.  Fire  the  mine !  roared  stout  Eisingh.  Tanta-rar- 
ra-ra!  twanged  the  trumpet  of  Antony  Van  Corlear;  — 
until  all  voice  and  sound  became  unintelligible, — grunts 
of  pain,  yells  of  fury,  and  shouts  of  triumph  mingling  in 
one  hideous  clamor.  The  earth  shook  as  if  struck  with 
a  paralytic  stroke  ;  trees  shrunk  aghast,  and  withered  at 
the  sight;  rocks  burrowed  in  the  ground  like  rabbits; 
and  even  Christina  creek  turned  from  its  course,  and  ran 
up  a  hill  in  breathless  terror ! 


424  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

Long  hung  the  contest  doubtful ;  for  though  a  heavy 
shower  of  rain,  sent  by  the  "  cloud-compelling  Jove,"  in 
some  measure  cooled  their  ardor,  as  doth  a  bucket  of 
water  thrown  on  a  group  of  fighting  mastiffs,  yet  did 
they  but  pause  for  a  moment,  to  return  with  tenfold  fury 
to  the  charge.  Just  at  this  juncture  a  vast  and  dense 
column  of  smoke  was  seen  slowly  rolling  toward  the 
scene  of  battle.  The  combatants  paused  for  a  moment, 
gazing  in  mute  astonishment,  until  the  wind,  dispelling 
the  murky  cloud,  revealed  the  flaunting  banner  of  Michael 
Paw,  the  Patroon  of  Communipaw.  That  valiant  chief- 
tain came  fearlessly  on  at  the  head  of  a  phalanx  of  oyster- 
fed  Pavonians  and  a  corps  de  reserve  of  the  Van  Arsdales 
and  Yan  Bummels,  who  had  remained  behind  to  digest 
the  enormous  dinner  they  had  eaten.  These  now  trudged 
manfully  forward,  smoking  their  pipes  with  outrageous 
vigor,  so  as  to  raise  the  awful  cloud  that  has  been  men- 
tioned, but  marching  exceedingly  slow,  being  short  of  leg, 
and  of  great  rotundity  in  the  belt. 

And  now  the  deities  who  watched  over  the  fortunes  of 
the  Nederlanders  having  unthinkingly  left  the  field,  and 
stepped  into  a  neighboring  tavern  to  refresh  themselves 
with  a  pot  of  beer,  a  direful  catastrophe  had  wellnigh 
ensued.  Scarce  had  the  myrmidons  of  Michael  Paw  at- 
tained the  front  of  battle,  when  the  Swedes,  instructed  by 
the  cunning  Bisingh,  levelled  a  shower  of  blows  full  at 
their  tobacco-pipes.  Astounded  at  this  assault,  and  dis- 
mayed at  the  havoc  of  their  pipes,  these  ponderous  war- 


PETER'S  ARMY  REVIVED.  425 

riors  gave  way,  and  like  a  drove  of  frightened  elephants 
broke  through  the  ranks  of  their  own  army.  The  little 
Hoppers  were  borne  down  in  the  surge ;  the  sacred  ban- 
ner emblazoned  with  the  gigantic  oyster  of  Communipaw 
was  trampled  in  the  dirt ;  on  blundered  and  thundered 
the  heavy-sterned  fugitives,  the  Swedes  pressing  on  their 
rear  and  applying  their  feet  a  parte  poste  of  the  Van  Ars- 
dales  and  the  Van  Bummels  with  a  vigor  that  prodigious- 
ly accelerated  their  movements ;  nor  did  the  renowned 
Michael  Paw  himself  fail  to  receive  divers  grievous  and 
dishonorable  visitations  of  shoe-leather. 

But  what,  oh  Muse !  was  the  rage  of  Peter  Stuyvesant, 
when  from  afar  he  saw  his  army  giving  way!  In  the 
transports  of  his  wrath  he  sent  forth  a  roar,  enough  to 
shake  the  very  hills.  The  men  of  the  Manhattoes  pluck- 
ed up  new  courage  at  the  sound,  or,  rather,  they  rallied 
at  the  voice  of  their  leader,  of  whom  they  stood  more  in 
awe  than  of  all  the  Swedes  in  Christendom.  Without 
waiting  for  their  aid,  the  daring  Peter  dashed,  sword  in 
hand,  into  the  thickest  of  the  foe.  Then  might  be  seen 
achievements  worthy  of  the  days  of  the  giants.  Wher- 
ever he  went,  the  enemy  shrank  before  him  ;  the  Swedes 
fled  to  right  and  left,  or  were  driven,  like  dogs,  into  their 
own  ditch ;  but  as  he  pushed  forward  singly  with  head- 
long courage,  the  foe  closed  behind  and  hung  upon  his 
rear.  One  aimed  a  blow  full  at  his  heart ;  but  the  pro- 
tecting power  which  watches  over  the  great  and  good 
turned  aside  the  hostile  blade  and  directed  it  to  a  side- 


426  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

pocket,  where  reposed  an  enormous  iron  tobacco-box, 
endowed,  like  the  shield  of  Achilles,  with  supernatural 
powers,  doubtless  from  bearing  the  portrait  of  the  blessed 
8t.  Nicholas.  Peter  Stuyvesant  turned  like  an  angry  bear 
upon  the  foe,  and  seizing  him,  as  he  fled,  by  an  immeas- 
urable queue,  "Ah,  whoreson  caterpillar,"  roared  he, 
"  here's  what  shall  make  worms'  meat  of  thee !  "  So  say- 

*/ 

ing,  he  whirled  his  sword,  and  dealt  a  blow  that  would 
have  decapitated  the  varlet,  but  that  the  pitying  steel 
struck  short  and  shaved  the  queue  forever  from  his 
crown.  At  this  moment  an  arquebusier  levelled  his  piece 
from  a  neighboring  mound,  with  deadly  aim ;  but  the 
watchful  Minerva,  who  had  just  stopped  to  tie  up  her 
garter,  seeing  the  peril  of  her  favorite  hero,  sent  old  Bo- 
reas with  his  bellows,  who,  as  the  match  descended  to  the 
pan,  gave  a  blast  that  blew  the  priming  from  the  touch- 
hole. 

Thus  waged  the  fight,  when  the  stout  Risingh,  survey- 
ing the  field  from  the  top  of  a  little  ravelin,  perceived 
his  troops  banged,  beaten,  and  kicked  by  the  invincible 
Peter.  Drawing  his  falchion  and  uttering  a  thousand 
anathemas,  he  strode  down  to  the  scene  of  combat  with 
some  such  thundering  strides  as  Jupiter  is  said  by 
Hesiod  to  have  taken  when  he  strode  down  the  spheres 
to  hurl  his  thunder-bolts  at  the  Titans. 

When  the  rival  heroes  came  face  to  face,  each  made  a 
prodigious  start  in  the  style  of  a  veteran  stage-champion. 
Then  did  they  regard  each  other  for  a  moment  with  the 


THE  RIVALS  IN  MORTAL  CONFLICT.  427 

bitter  aspect  of  two  furious  ram-cats  on  the  point  of  a 
clapper-clawing.  Then  did  they  throw  themselves  into 
one  attitude,  then  into  another,  striking  their  swords  on 
the  ground,  first  on  the  right  side,  then  on  the  left ;  at 
last  at  it  they  went,  with  incredible  ferocity.  Words  can- 
not tell  the  prodigies  of  strength  and  valor  displayed  in 
this  direful  encounter, — an  encounter  compared  to  which 
the  far-famed  battles  of  Ajax  with  Hector,  of  JEneas  with 
Turnus,  Orlando  with  Kodomont,  Guy  of  Warwick  with 
Colbrand  the  Dane,  or  of  that  renowned  Welsh  knight, 
Sir  Owen  of  the  Mountains,  with  the  giant  Guylon,  were 
all  gentle  sports  and  holiday  recreations.  At  length  the 
valiant  Peter,  watching  his  opportunity,  aimed  a  blow, 
enough  to  cleave  his  adversary  to  the  very  chine;  but 
Eisingh,  nimbly  raising  his  sword,  warded  it  off  so  nar- 
rowly, that,  glancing  on  one  side,  it  shaved  away  a  huge 
canteen  in  which  he  carried  his  liquor, — thence  pursuing 
its  trenchant  course,  it  severed  off  a  deep  coat-pocket, 
stored  with  bread  and  cheese,— which  provant  rolling 
among  the  armies,  occasioned  a  fearful  scrambling  be- 
tween the  Swedes  and  Dutchmen,  and  made  the  general 
battle  to  wax  more  furious  than  ever. 

Enraged  to  see  his  military  stores  laid  waste,  the  stout 
Kisingh,  collecting  all  his  forces,  aimed  a  mighty  blow 
full  at  the  hero's  crest.  In  vain  did  his  fierce  little 
cocked  hat  oppose  its  course.  The  biting  steel  clove 
through  the  stubborn  ram  beaver,  and  would  have 
cracked  the  crown  of  any  one  not  endowed  with  super- 


428  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

natural  hardness  of  head;  but  the  brittle  weapon  shiv- 
ered in  pieces  on  the  skull  of  Hardkoppig  Piet,  shedding 
a  thousand  sparks,  like  beams  of  glory,  round  his  grizzly 
visage. 

The  good  Peter  reeled  with  the  blow,  and  turning  up 
his  eyes  beheld  a  thousand  suns,  besides  moons  and  stars, 
dancing  about  the  firmament ;  at  length,  missing  his 
footing,  by  reason  of  his  wooden  leg,  down  he  came  on 
his  seat  of  honor  with  a  crash  which  shook  the  surround- 
ing hills,  and  might  have  wrecked  his  frame,  had  he  not 
been  received  into  a  cushion  softer  than  velvet,  which 
Providence,  or  Minerva,  or  St.  Nicholas,  or  some  cow, 
had  benevolently  prepared  for  his  reception. 

The  furious  Bisingh,  in  spite  of  the  maxim,  cherished 
by  all  true  knights,  that  "  fair  play  is  a  jewel,"  hastened 
to  take  advantage  of  the  hero's  fall ;  but,  as  he  stooped  to 
give  a  fatal  blow,  Peter  Stuyvesant  dealt  him  a  thwack 
over  the  sconce  with  his  wooden  leg,  which  set  a  chime 
of  bells  ringing  triple  bob-majors  in  his  cerebellum. 
The  bewildered  Swede  staggered  with  the  blow,  and  the 
wary  Peter  seizing  a  pocket-pistol,  which  lay  hard  by, 
discharged  it  full  at  the  head  of  the  reeling  Eisingh. 
Let  not  my  reader  mistake ;  it  was  not  a  murderous 
weapon  loaded  with  powder  and  ball,  but  a  little  sturdy 
stone  pottle  charged  to  the  muzzle  with  a  double  dram 
of  true  Dutch  courage,  which  the  knowing  Antony  Yan 
Corlear  carried  about  him  by  way  of  replenishing  his 
valor,  and  which  had  dropped  from  his  wallet  during 


VICTORY!  429 

his  furious  encounter  with  the  drummer.  The  hideous 
weapon  sang  through  the  air,  and  true  to  its  course  as 
was  the  fragment  of  a  rock  discharged  at  Hector  by  bully 
Ajax,  encountered  the  head  of  the  gigantic  Swede  with 
matchless  violence. 

This  heaven-directed  blow  decided  the  battle.  The 
ponderous  pericranium  of  General  Jan  Eisingh  sank 
upon  his  breast ;  his  knees  tottered  under  him ;  a  death- 
like torpor  seized  upon  his  frame,  and  he  tumbled  to  the 
earth  with  such  violence,  that  old  Pluto  started  with 
affright,  lest  he  should  have  broken  through  the  roof  of 
his  infernal  palace. 

His  fall  was  the  signal  of  de'feat  and  victory:  the 
Swedes  gave  way,  the  Dutch  pressed  forward;  the  for- 
mer took  to  their  heels,  the  latter  hotly  pursued.  Some 
entered  with  them,  pell-mell,  through  the  sally-port; 
others  stormed  the  bastion,  and  others  scrambled  over 
the  curtain.  Thus  in  a  little  while  the  fortress  of  Fort 
Christina,  which,  like  another  Troy,  had  stood  a  siege  of 
full  ten  hours,  was  carried  by  assault,  without  the  loss  of 
a  single  man  on  either  side.  Victory,  in  the  likeness  of  a 
gigantic  ox-fly,  sat  perched  upon  the  cocked  hat  of  the 
gallant  Stuytesant ;  and  it  was  declared,  by  all  the  writ- 
ers whom  he  hired  to  write  the  history  of  his  expedition, 
that  on  this  memorable  day  he  gained  a  sufficient  quan- 
tity of  glory  to  immortalize  a  dozen  of  the  greatest 
heroes  in  Christendom ! 


CHAPTEE  IX. 

IN  WHICH  THE  AUTHOR  AND  THE  READER,  WHILE  REPOSING  AFTER  THE  BAT- 
TLE, FALL  INTO  A  VERY  GRAVE  DISCOURSE — AFTER  WHICH  IS  RECORDED 
THE  CONDUCT  OF  PETER  STUYVESANT  AFTER  HIS  VICTORY. 


HANKS  to  St.  Nicholas,  we  have  safely  finished 
this  tremendous  battle :  let  us  sit  down,  my 
worthy  reader,  and  cool  ourselves,  for  I  am  in  a 
prodigious  sweat  and  agitation ;  truly  this  fighting  of  bat- 
tles is  hot  work !  and  if  your  great  commanders  did  but 
know  what  trouble  they  give  their  historians,  they  would 
not  have  the  conscience  to  achieve  so  many  horrible  vic- 
tories. But  methinks  I  hear  my  reader  complain,  that 
throughout  this  boasted  battle  there  is  not  the  least 
slaughter,  nor  a  single  individual  maimed,  if  we  except 
the  unhappy  Swede,  who  was  shorn  of  his  queue  by  the 
trenchant  blade  of  Peter  Stuyvesant ;  all  which,  he  ob- 
serves, is  a  great  outrage  on  probability,  and  highly  in- 
jurious to  the  interest  of  the  narration. 

This  is  certainly  an  objection  of  no  little  moment,  but 
it  arises  entirely  from  the  obscurity  enveloping  the  re- 
mote periods  of  time  about  which  I  have  undertaken  to 
write.  Thus,  though  doubtless,  from  the  importance  of 
the  object  and  the  prowess  of  the  parties  concerned,  there 

430 


THE  BLOODLESS  BATTLE.  43 ^ 

must  have  been  terrible  carnage,  and  prodigies  of  valor 
displayed  before  the  walls  of  Christina,  yet,  notwith- 
standing that  I  have  consulted  every  history,  manuscript, 
and  tradition,  touching  this  memorable  though  long-for- 
gotten battle,  I  cannot  find  mention  made  of  a  single  man 
killed  or  wounded  in  the  whole  affair. 

This  is,  without  doubt,  owing  to  the  extreme  modesty 
of  our  forefathers,  who,  unlike  their  descendants,  were 
never  prone  to  vaunt  of  their  achievements ;  but  it  is  a 
virtue  which  places  their  historian  in  a  most  embarrass- 
ing predicament ;  for,  having  promised  my  readers  a  hid- 
eous and  unparalleled  battle,  and  having  worked  them 
up  into  a  warlike  and  blood-thirsty  state  of  mind,  to  put 
them  off  without  any  havoc  and  slaughter  would  have 
been  as  bitter  a  disappointment  as  to  summon  a  multi- 
tude of  good  people  to  attend  an  execution,  and  then 
cruelly  balk  them  by  a  reprieve. 

Had  the  fates  only  allowed  me  some  half  a  score  of 
dead  men,  I  had  been  content ;  for  I  would  have  made 
them  such  heroes  as  abounded  in  the  olden  time,  but 
whose  race  is  now  unfortunately  extinct, — any  one  of 
whom,  if  we  may  believe  those  authentic  writers,  the 
poets,  could  drive  great  armies,  like  sheep,  before  him, 
and  conquer  and  desolate  whole  cities  by  his  single  arm. 

But  seeing  that  I  had  not  a  single  life  at  my  disposal, 
all  that  was  left  me  was  to  make  the  most  I  could  of  my 
battle,  by  means  of  kicks,  and  cuffs,  and  bruises,  and  such 
like  ignoble  wounds.  And  here  I  cannot  but  compare 


432  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

my  dilemma,  in  some  sort,  to  that  of  the  divine  Milton, 
who,  having  arrayed  with  sublime  preparation  his  im- 
mortal hosts  against  each  other,  is  sadly  put  to  it  how  to 
manage  them,  and  how  he  shall  make  the  end  of  his  bat- 
tle answer  to  the  beginning,  inasmuch  as,  being  mere 
spirits,  he  cannot  deal  a  mortal  blow,  nor  even  give  a 
flesh  wound  to  any  of  his  combatants.  For  my  part,  the 
greatest  difficulty  I  found  was,  when  I  had  once  put  my 
warriors  in  a  passion,  and  let  them  loose  into  the  midst 
of  the  enemy,  to  keep  them  from  doing  mischief.  Many 
a  time  had  I  to  restrain  the  sturdy  Peter  from  cleaving  a 
gigantic  Swede  to  the  very  waistband,  or  spitting  half  a 
dozen  little  fellows  on  his  sword,  like  so  many  sparrows. 
And  when  I  had  set  some  hundred  of  missives  flying  in 
the  air,  I  did  not  dare  to  suffer  one  of  them  to  reach  the 
ground,  lest  it  should  have  put  an  end  to  some  unlucky 
Dutchman. 

The  reader  cannot  conceive  how  mortifying  it  is  to  a 
writer  thus  in  a  manner  to  have  his  hands  tied,  and  how 
many  tempting  opportunities  I  had  to  wink  at,  where  I 
might  have  made  as  fine  a  death-blow  as  any  recorded  in 
history  or  song. 

From  my  own  experience  I  begin  to  doubt  most  po- 
tently of  the  authenticity  of  many  of  Homor's  stories.  I 
verily  believe,  that,  when  he  had  once  launched  one  of 
his  favorite  heroes  among  a  crowd  of  the  enemy,  he  cut 
down  many  an  honest  fellow,  without  any  authority  for 
so  doing,  excepting  that  he  presented  a  fair  mark,- — and 


REFLECTIONS.  433 

that  often  a  poor  fellow  was  sent  to  grim  Pluto's  do- 
mains, merely  because  he  had  a  name  that  would  give  a 
sounding  turn  to  a  period.  But  I  disclaim  all  such  un- 
principled liberties ;  let  me  but  have  truth  and  the  law 
on  my  side,  and  no  man  would  fight  harder  than  myself ; 
but  since  the  various  records  I  consulted  did  not  warrant 
it,  I  had  too  much  conscience  to  kill  a  single  soldier.  By 
St.  Nicholas,  but  it  would  have  been  a  pretty  piece  of 
business !  My  enemies,  the  critics,  who  I  foresee  will  be 
ready  enough  to  lay  any  crime  they  can  discover  at  my 
door,  might  have  charged  me  with  murder  outright,  and 
I  should  have  esteemed  myself  lucky  to  escape  with  no 
harsher  verdict  than  manslaughter ! 

And  now,  gentle  reader,  that  we  are  tranquilly  sitting 
down  here,  smoking  our  pipes,  permit  me  to  indulge  in  a 
melancholy  reflection  which  at  this  moment  passes  across 
my  mind.  How  vain,  how  fleeting,  how  uncertain  are  all 
those  gaudy  bubbles  after  which  we  are  panting  and  toil- 
ing in  this  world  of  fair  delusions !  The  wealth  which 
the  miser  has  amassed  with  so  many  weary  days,  so 
many  sleepless  nights,  a  spendthrift  here  may  squan- 
der away  in  joyless  prodigality ;  the  noblest  monuments 
which  pride  has  ever  reared  to  perpetuate  a  name,  the 
hand  of  time  will  shortly  tumble  into  ruins;  and  even 
the  brightest  laurels,  gained  by  feats  of  arms,  may 
wither,  and  be  forever  blighted  by  the  chilling  neglect  of 
mankind.  "  How  many  illustrious  heroes,"  says  the  good 
Boetius,  "  who  were  once  the  pride  and  glory  of  the  age, 
28 


434  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

hath  the  silence  of  historians  buried  in  eternal  oblivion ! " 
And  this  it  was  that  induced  the  Spartans,  when  they 
went  to  battle,  solemnly  to  sacrifice  to  the  Muses,  sup- 
plicating that  their  achievements  might  be  worthily  re- 
corded. Had  not  Homer  tuned  his  lofty  lyre,  observes 
the  elegant  Cicero,  the  valor  of  Achilles  had  remained 
unsung.  And  such,  too,  after  all  the  toils  and  perils  he 
had  braved,  after  all  the  gallant  actions  he  had  achieved, 
such  too  had  nearly  been  the  fate  of  the  chivalric  Peter 
Stuyvesant,  but  that  I  fortunately  stepped  in  and  en- 
graved his  name  on  the  indelible  tablet  of  history,  just 
as  the  caitiff  Time  was  silently  brushing  it  away  for- 
ever! 

The  more  I  reflect,  the  more  I  am  astonished  at  the 
important  character  of  the  historian.  He  is  the  sover- 
eign censor  to  decide  upon  the  renown  or  infamy  of  his 
fellow-men.  He  is  the  patron  of  kings  and  conquerors, 
on  whom  it  depends  whether  they  shall  live  in  after-ages, 
or  be  forgotten  as  were  their  ancestors  before  them.  The 
tyrant  may  oppress  while  the  object  of  his  tyranny  ex- 
ists ;  but  the  historian  possesses  superior  might,  for  his 
power  extends  even  beyond  the  grave.  The  shades  of 
departed  and  long-forgotten  heroes  anxiously  bend  down 
from  above,  while  he  writes,  watching  each  movement  of 
his  pen,  whether  it  shall  pass  by  their  names  with  neg- 
lect, or  inscribe  them  on  the  deathless  pages  of  renown. 
Even  the  drop  of  ink  which  hangs  trembling  on  his  pen, 
which  he  may  either  dash  upon  the  floor,  or  waste  in  idle 


REFLECTIONS.  435 

scrawlings,— that  very  drop,  which  to  him  is  not  worth 
the  twentieth  part  of  a  farthing,  may  be  of  incalculable 
value  to  some  departed  worthy,  may  elevate  half  a  score, 
in  one  moment,  to  immortality,  who  would  have  given 
worlds,  had  they  possessed  them,  to  insure  the  glorious 
meed. 

Let  not  my  readers  imagine,  however,  that  I  am  in- 
dulging in  vainglorious  boastings,  or  am  anxious  to  bla- 
zon forth  the  importance  of  my  tribe.  On  the  contrary,  I 
shrink  when  I  reflect  on  the  awful  responsibility  we  his- 
torians assume ;  I  shudder  to  think  what  direful  commo- 
tions and  calamities  we  occasion  in  the  world ;  I  swear  to 
thee,  honest  reader,  as  I  am  a  man,  I  weep  at  the  very 
idea !  Why,  let  me  ask,  are  so  many  illustrious  men  daily 
tearing  themselves  away  from  the  embraces  of  their  fami- 
lies, slighting  the  smiles  of  beauty,  despising  the  allure- 
ments of  fortune,  and  exposing  themselves  to  the  miseries 
of  war?  Why  are  kings  desolating  empires,  and  depopu- 
lating whole  countries?  In  short,  what  induces  all  great 
men  of  all  ages  and  countries  to  commit  so  many  victories 
and  misdeeds,  and  inflict  so  many  miseries  upon  mankind 
and  upon  themselves,  but  the  mere  hope  that  some  histo- 
rian will  kindly  take  them  into  notice,  and  admit  them 
into  a  corner  of  his  volume?  For,  in  short,  the  mighty 
object  of  all  their  toils,  their  hardships,  and  privations,  is 
nothing  but  immortal  fame.  And  what  is  immortal  fame? 
—why,  half  a  page  of  dirty  paper!  Alas!  alas!  how  hu- 
miliating the  idea,  that  the  renown  of  so  great  a  man  as 


430  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

Peter  Stuyvesant  should  depend  upon  the  pen  of  so  little 
a  man  as  Diedrich  Knickerbocker ! 

And  now,  having  refreshed  ourselves  after  the  fatigues 
and  perils  of  the  field,  it  behooves  us  to  return  once  more 
to  the  scene  of  conflict,  and  inquire  what  were  the  results 
of  this  renowned  conquest.  The  fortress  of  Christina 
being  the  fair  metropolis,  and  in  a  manner  the  key  to  New 
Sweden,  its  capture  was  speedily  followed  by  the  entire 
subjugation  of  the  province.  This  was  not  a  little  pro- 
moted by  the  gallant  and  courteous  deportment  of  the 
chivalric  Peter.  Though  a  man  terrible  in  battle,  yet  in 
the  hour  of  victory  was  he  endued  with  a  spirit  generous, 
merciful,  and  humane.  He  vaunted  not  over  his  enemies, 
nor  did  he  make  defeat  more  galling  by  unmanly  insults ; 
for  like  that  mirror  of  knightly  virtue,  the  renowned  Pala- 
din Orlando,  he  was  more  anxious  to  do  great  actions  than 
to  talk  of  them  after  they  were  done.  He  put  no  man  to 
death ;  ordered  no  houses  to  be  burnt  down ;  permitted 
no  ravages  to  be  perpetrated  on  the  property  of  the  van- 
quished; and  even  gave  one  of  his  bravest  officers  a 
severe  admonishment  with  his  walking-staff,  for  having 
been  detected  in  the  act  of  sacking  a  hen-roost. 

He  moreover  issued  a  proclamation,  inviting  the  in- 
habitants to  submit  to  the  authority  of  their  High  Migh- 
tinesses; but  declaring,  with  unexampled  clemency,  that 
whoever  refused  should  be  lodged  at-  the  public  expense, 
in  a  goodly  castle  provided  for  the  purpose,  and  have  an 
i.rmed  retinue  to  wait  on  them  in  the  bargain.  In  conse- 


NEW  SWEDEN'S  ALLEGIANGE.  437 

quence  of  these  beneficent  terms,  about  thirty  Swedes 
stepped  manfully  forward  and  took  the  oath  of  allegiance ; 
in  reward  for  which  they  were  graciously  permitted  to  re- 
main on  the  banks  of  the  Delaware,  where  their  descend- 
ants reside  at  this  very  day.  I  am  told,  however,  by  di- 
vers observant  travellers,  that  they  have  never  been  able 
to  get  over  the  chapfallen  looks  of  their  ancestors,  but  that 
they  still  do  strangely  transmit  from  father  to  son  mani- 
fest marks  of  the  sound  drubbing  given  them  by  the 
sturdy  Amsterdammers. 

The  whole  country  of  New  Sweden,  having  thus  yielded 
to  the  arms  of  the  triumphant  Peter,  was  reduced  to  a 
colony  called  South  River,  and  placed  under  the  superin- 
tendence of  a  lieutenant-governor,  subject  to  the  control 
of  the  supreme  government  of  New  Amsterdam.  This 
great  dignitary  was  called  Mynheer  William  Beekman, 
or  rather  .Bec&-man,  who  derived  his  surname,  as  did 
Ovidious  Naso  of  yore,  from  the  lordly  dimensions  of  his 
nose,  which  projected  from  the  centre  of  his  countenance, 
like  the  beak  of  a  parrot.  He  was  the  great  progenitor  of 
the  tribe  of  the  Beekmans,  one  of  the  most  ancient  and 
honorable  families  of  the  province,  the  members  of  which 
do  gratefully  commemorate  the  origin  of  their  dignity, — 
not  as  your  noble  families  in  England  would  do,  by  hav- 
ing a  glowing  proboscis  emblazoned  in  their  escutcheon, 
but  by  one  and  all  wearing  a  right  goodly  nose,  stuck  in 
the  very  middle  of  their  faces. 

Thus   was  this    perilous  enterprise    gloriously  termi- 


438  HISTORY  OF  NEVi   YORK. 

nated,  with  the  loss  of  only  two  men :  Wolfert  Van 
Home,  a  tall  spare  man,  who  was  knocked  overboard  by 
the  boom  of  a  sloop  in  a  flaw  of  wind ;  and  fat  Brom  Van 
Bummel,  who  was  suddenly  carried  off  by  an  indigestion ; 
both,  however,  were  immortalized,  as  having  bravely 
fallen  in  the  service  of  their  country.  True  it  is,  Peter 
Stuyvesant  had  one  of  his  limbs  terribly  fractured  in  the 
act  of  storming  the  fortress ;  but  as  it  was  fortunately 
his  wooden  leg,  the  wound  was  promptly  and  effectually 
healed. 

And  now  nothing  remains  to  this  branch  of  my  history 
but  to  mention  that  this  immaculate  hero,  and  his  victo- 
rious army,  returned  joyously  to  the  Manhattoes ;  where 
they  made  a  solemn  and  triumphant  entry,  bearing  with 
them  the  conquered  Eisingh,  and  the  remnant  of  his  bat- 
tered crew,  who  had  refused  allegiance ;  for  it  appears 
that  the  gigantic  SwTede  had  only  fallen  into  a  swoon,  at 
the  end  of  the  battle,  from  which  he  was  speedily  re- 
stored by  a  wholesome  tweak  of  the  nose. 

These  captive  heroes  were  lodged,  according  to  the 
promise  of  the  governor,  at  the  public  expense,  in  a  fair 
and  spacious  castle, — being  the  prison  of  state,  of  which 
Stoffel  Brinkerhoff,  the  immortal  conqueror  of  Oyster 
Bay,  was  appointed  governor,  and  which  has  ever  since 
remained  in  the.  possession  of  his  descendants.* 

It  was  a  pleasant  and  goodly  sight  to  witness  the  joy 

*  This  castle,  though  very  much  altered  and  modernized,  is  still  in  be- 
ing, and  stands  at  the  corner  of  Pear]  Street,  facing  Coentie's  slip. 


THE  WARRIORS  RETURN.  439 

of  the  people  of  New  Amsterdam,  at  beholding  their  war- 
riors once  more  return  from  this  war  in  the  wilderness. 
The  old  women  thronged  round  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who 
gave  the  whole  history  of  the  campaign  with  matchless 
accuracy,  saving  that  he  took  the  credit  of  fighting  the 
whole  battle  himself,  and  especially  of  vanquishing  the 
stout  Risingh, — which  he  considered  himself  as  clearly 
entitled  to,  seeing  that  it  was  effected  by  his  own  stone 
pottle. 

The  schoolmasters  throughout  the  town  gave  holiday 
to  their  little  urchins,  who  followed  in  droves  after  the 
drums,  with  paper  caps  on  their  heads,  and  sticks  in 
their  breeches,  thus  taking  the  first  lesson  in  the  art  of 
war.  As  to  the  sturdy  rabble,  they  thronged  at  the  heels 
*oi  Peter  Stuyvesant  wherever  he  went,  waving  their 
greasy  hats  in  the  air,  and  shouting  "  Hardkoppig  Piet 
forever !  " 

It  was  indeed  a  day  of  roaring  rout  and  jubilee.  A 
huge  dinner  was  prepared  at  the  Stadtho  in  honor  of 
the  conquerors,  where  were  assembled  in  one  glorious 
constellation  the  great  and  little  luminaries  of  New  Am- 
sterdam. There  were  the  lordly  Schout  and  his  obsequi- 
ous deputy ;  the  burgomasters  with  their  officious  sche- 
pens  at  their  elbows ;  the  subaltern  officers  at  the  elbows 
of  the  schepens,  and  so  on  down  to  the  lowest  hanger-on 
of  police  :  every  tag  having  his  rag  at  his  side,  to  finish 
his  pipe,  drink  off  his  heel-taps,  and  laugh  at  his  flights 
of  immortal  dulness.  In  short,— for  a  city  feast  is  a  city 


440  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

feast  all  the  world  over,  and  lias  been  a  city  feast  ever 
since  the  creation, — the  dinner  went  off  much  the  same  as 
do  our  great  corporation  junketings  and  Eourth-of-July 
banquets.  Loads  of  fish,  flesh,  and  fowl  were  devoured, 
oceans  of  liquor  drank,  thousands  of  pipes  smoked,  and 
many  a  dull  joke  honored  with  much  obstreperous  fat- 
sided  laughter. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  to  this  far-famed  vic- 
tory Peter  Stuyvesant  was  indebted  for  another  of  his 
many  titles ;  for  so  hugely  delighted  were  the  honest 
burghers  with  his  achievements,  that  they  unanimously 
honored  him  with  the  name  of  Pieter  de  Groodf,  that  is  to 
say,  Peter  the  Great,  or,  as  it  was  translated  into  English 
by  the  people  of  New  Amsterdam,  for  the  benefit  of  their 
New  England  visitors,  Piet  de  pig, — an  appellation  which 
he  maintained  even  unto  the  day  of  his  death. 


BOOK  YIL 

CONTAINING  THE  THIRD  PART  OF  THE  REIGN  OF  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG — 
HIS  TROUBLES  WITH  THE  BRITISH  NATION,  AND  THE  DECLINE  AND  FALL 
OF  THE  DUTCH  DYNASTY. 


CHAPTEE  I. 

HOW  PETER  STTTYVESANT  RELIEVED  THE  SOVEREIGN  PEOPLE  FROM  THE  BUR- 
DEN OF  TAKING  CARE  OF  THE  NATION  ;  WITH  SUNDRY  PARTICULARS  OF 
HIS  CONDUCT  IN  TIME  OF  PEACE,  AND  OF  THE  RISE  OF  A  GREAT  DUTCH 
ARISTOCRACY. 


HE  history  of  the  reign  of  Peter  Stuyvesant 
furnishes  an  edifying  picture  of  the  cares  and 
vexations  inseparable  from  sovereignty,  and  a 
solemn  warning  to  all  who  are  ambitious  of  attaining  the 
seat  of  honor.  Though  returning  in  triumph  and  crowned 
with  victory,  his  exultation  was  checked  on  observing  the 
abuses  which  had  sprung  up  in  New  Amsterdam  during 
his  short  absence.  His  walking-staff,  which  he  had  sent 

44.1 


-M2  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

home  to  act  as  vicegerent,  had,  it  is  true,  kept  his  coun- 
cil-chamber in  order, — the  counsellors  eying  it  with  awe. 
as  it  lay  in  grim  repose  upon  the  table,  and  smoking 
fheir  pipes  in  silence, — but  its  control  extended  not  out 
of  doors. 

The  populace  unfortunately  had  had  too  much  their 
own  way  under  the  slack  though  fitful  reign  of  William 
the  Testy ;  and  though  upon  the  accession  of  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant  they  had  felt,  with  the  instinctive  perception 
which  mobs  as  well  as  cattle  possess,  that  the  reins  of 
government  had  passed  into  stronger  hands,  yet  could 
they  not  help  fretting  and  chafing  and  champing  upon 
the  bit,  in  restive  silence. 

Scarcely,  therefore,  had  he  departed  on  his  expedition 
against  the  Swedes,  than  the  old  factions  of  William 
Kieft's  reign  had  again  thrust  their  heads  above  water. 
Pot-house  meetings  were  again  held  to  "  discuss  the  state 
of  the  nation,"  where  cobblers,  tinkers,  and  tailors,  the 
self-dubbed  "  friends  of  the  people,"  once  more  felt  them- 
selves inspired  with  the  gift  of  legislation,  and  undertook 
to  lecture  on  every  movement  of  government. 

Now,  as  Peter  Stuyvesant  had  a  singular  inclination  to 
govern  the  province  by  his  individual  will,  his  first  move, 
on  his  return,  was  to  put  a  stop  to  this  gratuitous  legis- 
lation. Accordingly,  one  evening,  when  an  inspired  cob- 
bler was  holding  forth  to  an  assemblage  of  the  kind,  the 
intrepid  Peter  suddenly  made  his  appearance,  with  his 
ominous  walking-staff  in  his  hand,  and  a  countenance 


THE  ORATORICAL  COBBLER.  443 

sufficient  to  petrify  a  mill-stone.  The  whole  meeting  was 
thrown  into  confusion, — the  orator  stood  aghast,  with 
open  mouth  and  trembling  knees,  while  "  horror !  tyran- 
ny !  liberty !  rights !  taxes !  death !  destruction !  "  and  a 
host  of  other  patriotic  phrases  were  bolted  forth  before 
he  had  time  to  close  his  lips.  Peter  took  no  notice 
of  the  skulking  throng,  but  strode  up  to  the  brawling 
bully-ruffian,  and  pulling  out  a  huge  silver  watch,  which 
might  have  served  in  times  of  yore  as  a  town-clock,  and 
which  is  still  retained  by  his  descendants  as  a  family 
curiosity,  requested  the  orator  to  mend  it,  and  set  it  go- 
ing. The  orator  humbly  confessed  it  was  utterly  out  of 
his  power,  as  he  was  unacquainted  with  the  nature  of  its 
construction.  "  Nay,  but,"  said  Peter,  "  try  your  ingenu- 
ity, man :  you  see  all  the  springs  and  wheels,  and  how 
easily  the  clumsiest  hand  may  stop  it,  and  pull  it  to 
pieces ;  and  why  should  it  not  be  equally  easy  to  regu- 
late as  to  stop  it  ?  "  The  orator  declared  that  his  trade 
was  wholly  different, — that  he  was  a  poor  cobbler,  and 
had  never  meddled  with  a  watch  in  his  life, — that  there 
were  men  skilled  in  the  art,  whose  business  it  was  to  at- 
tend to  those  matters ;  but  for  his  part,  he  should  only 
mar  the  workmanship  and  put  the  whole  in  confusion. 
"Why,  harkee,  master  of  mine,"  cried  Peter, — turning 
suddenly  upon  him,  with  a  countenance  that  almost  petri- 
fied the  patcher  of  shoes  into  a  perfect  lapstone, — "  dost 
thou  pretend  to  meddle  with  the  movements  of  govern- 
ment,— to  regulate,  and  correct,  and  patch,  and  cobble  a 


444  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

complicated  machine,  the  principles  of  which  are  above 
thy  comprehension,  and  its  simplest  operations  too  subtle 
for  thy  understanding,  when  thou  canst  not  correct  a  tri- 
fling error  in  a  common  piece  of  mechanism,  the  whole 
mystery  of  which  is  open  to  thy  inspection  ? — Hence  with 
thee  to  the  leather  and  stone,  which  are  emblems  of  thy 
head ;  cobble  thy  shoes,  and  confine  thyself  to  the  voca- 
tion for  which  Heaven  has  fitted  thee.  But,"  elevating  his 
voice  until  it  made  the  welkin  ring,  "  if  ever  I  catch  thee, 
cr  any  of  thy  tribe,  meddling  again  with  the  affairs  of 
government,  by  St.  Nicholas,  but  I'll  have  every  mother's 
bastard  of  ye  flayed  alive,  and  your  hides  stretched  for 
drum-heads,  that  ye  may  thenceforth  make  a  noise  to 
some  purpose ! " 

This  threat,  and  the  tremendous  voice  in  which  it  was 
uttered,  caused  the  whole  multitude  to  quake  with  fear. 
The  hair  of  the  orator  rose  on  his  head  like  his  own 
swines'  bristles,  and  not  a  knight  of  the  thimble  present 
but  his  heart  died  within  him,  and  he  felt  as  though  he 
could  have  verily  escaped  through  the  eye  of  a  needle. 
The  assembly  dispersed  in  silent  consternation ;  the 
pseudo-statesmen,  who  had  hitherto  undertaken  to  regu- 
late public  affairs,  were  now  fain  to  stay  at  home,  hold 
their  tongues,  and  take  care  of  their  families ;  and  party 
feuds  died  away  to  such  a  degree,  that  many  thriving 
keepers  of  taverns  and  dram-shops  were  utterly  ruined 
for  want  of  business.  But  though  this  measure  produced 
the  desired  effect  in  putting  an  extinguisher  on  tho  new 


CHARGES  AGAINST  PETER.  445 

lights  just  brightening  up,  yet  did  it  tend  to  injure  tho 
popularity  of  the  Great  Peter  with  the  thinking  part  of 
the  community,  that  is  to  say,  that  part  which  thinks  for 
others  instead  of  for  themselves,  or,  in  other  words,  who 
attend  to  everybody's  business  but  their  own.  These 
accused  the  old  governor  of  being  highly  aristocratical ; 
and  in  truth  there  seems  to  have  been  some  ground  for 
such  an  accusation ;  for  he  carried  himself  with  a  lofty, 
soldier-like  air,  and  was  somewhat  particular  in  dress, 
appearing,  when  not  in  uniform,  in  rich  apparel  of  the 
antique  flaundrish  cut,  and  was  especially  noted  for  hav- 
ing his  sound  leg  (which  was  a  very  comely  one)  always 
arrayed  in  a  red  stocking  and  high-heeled  shoe. 

Justice  he  often  dispensed  in  the  primitive  patriarchal 
way,  seated  on  the  "  stoep  "  before  his  door,  under  the 
shade  of  a  great  button-wood  tree  ;  but  all  visits  of  form 
and  state  were  received  with  something  of  court  cere- 
mony in  the  best  parlor ;  where  Antony  the  Trumpeter 
officiated  as  high  chamberlain.  On  public  occasions  he 
appeared  with  great  pomp  of  equipage,  and  always  rode 
to  church  in  a  yellow  wagon  with  flaming  red  wheels. 

These  symptoms  of  state  and  ceremony,  as  we  have 
hinted,  were  much  cavilled  at  by  the  thinking  (and  talk- 
ing) part  of  the  community.  They  had  been  accustomed 
to  find  easy  access  to  their  former  governors,  and  in  par- 
ticular had  lived  on  terms  of  extreme  intimacy  with 
William  the  Testy ;  and  they  accused  Peter  Stuyvesant 
of  assuming  too  much  dignity  and  reserve,  and  of  wrap- 


4AG  BISTORT    OF  NEW  YORK. 

ping  himself  in  mystery.  Others,  however,  have  pre- 
tended to  discover  in  all  this  a  shrewd  policy  on  the  part 
of  the  old  governor.  It  is  certainly  of  the  first  impor- 
tance, say  they,  that  a  country  should  be  governed  by 
wise  men  :  but  then  it  is  almost  equally  important  that 
the  people  should  think  them  wise  ;  for  this  belief  alone 
can  produce  willing  subordination.  To  keep  up,  how- 
ever, this  desirable  confidence,  in  rulers,  the  people 
should  be  allowed  to  see  as  little  of  them  as  possible. 
It  is  the  mystery  which  envelops  great  men,  that  gives 
them  half  their  greatness.  There  is  a  kind  of  supersti- 
tious reverence  for  office  which  leads  us  to  exaggerate 
the  merits  of  the  occupant,  and  to  suppose  that  he  must 
be  wiser  than  common  men.  He,  however,  who  gains  ac- 
cess to  cabinets,  soon  finds  out  by  what  foolishness  the 
world  is  governed.  He  finds  that  there  is  quackery  in 
legislation  as  in  everything  else  ;  that  rulers  have  their 
whims  and  errors  as  well  as  other  men,  and  are  not  so 
wonderfully  superior  as  he  had  imagined,  since  even  he 
may  occasionally  confute  them  in  argument.  Thus  awe 
subsides  into  confidence,  confidence  inspires  familiarity, 
and  familiarity  produces  contempt.  Such  was  the  case, 
say  they,  with  William  the  Testy.  By  making  himself 
too  easy  of  access,  he  enabled  every  scrub-politician  to 
measure  wits  with  him,  and  to  find  out  the  true  dimen- 
sions not  only  of  his  person  but  of  his  mind :  and  thus  it 
was  that,  by  being  familiarly  scanned,  he  was  discovered 
to  be  a  very  little  man.  Peter  Stuyvesant  on  the  con- 


CHARGES  AGAINST  PETER.  447 

trary,  say  they,  by  conducting  himself  with  dignity  and 
loftiness,  was  looked  up  to  with  great  reverence.  As  he 
never  gave  his  reasons  for  anything  he  did,  the  public 
gave  him  credit  for  very  profound  ones ;  every  move- 
ment, however  intrinsically  unimportant,  was  a  matter  of 
speculation ;  and  his  very  red  stockings  excited  some  re- 
spect, as  being  different  from  the  stockings  of  other  men. 

Another  charge  against  Peter  Stuyvesant  was  that  he 
had  a  great  leaning  in  favor  of  the  patricians  ;  and  indeed 
in  his  time  rose  many  of  those  mighty  Dutch  families 
which  have  taken  such  vigorous  root,  and  branched  out 
so  luxuriantly  in  our  State.  Some,  to  be  sure,  were  of 
earlier  date,  such  as  the  Van  Kortlandts,  the  Yan  Zandts, 
the  Ten  Broecks,  the  Harden  Broecks,  and  others  of  Pa- 
vonian  renown,  who  gloried  in  the  title  of  "  Discoverers," 
from  having  been  engaged  in  the  nautical  expedition 
from  Communipaw,  in  which  they  so  heroically  braved 
the  terrors  of  Hell-gate  and  Buttermilk  Channel,  and 
discovered  a  site  for  New  Amsterdam. 

Others  claimed  to  themselves  the  appellation  of  "  Con- 
querors," from  their  gallant  achievements  in  New  Sweden 
and  their  victory  over  the  Yankees  at  Oyster  Bay.  Such 
was  that  list  of  warlike  worthies  heretofore  enumerated, 
beginning  with  the  Van  "Wycks,  the  Van  Dycks,  and  the 
Ten  Eycks,  and  extending  to  the  Kutgers,  the  Bensons, 
the  Brinkerhoffs,  and  the  Schermerhorns,— a  roll  equal 
to  the  Doomsday-Book  of  William  the  Conqueror,  and 
establishing  the  heroic  origin  of  many  an  ancient  aristo- 


448  BISTORT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

cratical  Dutch  family.  These,  after  all,  are  the  only  legi- 
timate nobility  and  lords  of  the  soil;  these  are  the  real 
"  beavers  of  the  Manhattoes  ";  and  much  does  it  grieve 
me  in  modern  days  to  see  them  elbowed  aside  by  foreign 
invaders,  and  more  especially  by  those  ingenious  people, 
"  the  Sons  of  the  Pilgrims " ;  who  out-bargain  them  in 
the  market,  out-speculate  them  on  the  exchange,  out-top 
them  in  fortune,  and  run  up  mushroom  palaces  so  high, 
that  the  tallest  Dutch  family  mansion  has  not  wind 
enough  left  for  its  weather-cock. 

In  the  proud  days  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  however,  the 
good  old  Dutch  aristocracy  loomed  out  in  all  its  gran- 
deur. The  burly  burgher,  in  round-crowned  flaundrish 
hat  with  brim  of  vast  circumference,  in  portly  gabardine 
and  bulbous  multiplicity  of  breeches,  sat  on  his  "  stoep  " 
and  smoked  his  pipe  in  lordly  silence ;  nor  did  it  ever 
enter  his  brain  that  the  active,  restless  Yankee,  whom 
he  saw  through  his  half-shut  eyes  worrying  about  in 
dog-day  heat,  ever  intent  on  the  main  chance,  was  one 
day  to  usurp  control  over  these  goodly  Dutch  domains. 
Already,  however,  the  races  regarded  each  other  with 
disparaging  eyes.  The  Yankees  sneeringly  spoke  of  the 
round-crowned  burghers  of  the  Manhattoes  as  the  "  Cop- 
perheads," while  the  latter,  glorying  in  their  own  nether 
rotundity,  and  observing  the  slack  galligaskins  of  their 
rivals,  flapping  like  an  empty  sail  against  the  mast,  re- 
torted upon  them  with  the  opprobrious  appellation  of 
"Platter-breeches." 


CHAPTER  H. 

HOW  PETER  STUTVESA.NT  LABORED  TO  CIVILIZE  THE  COMMUNITY — HOW  HE  WA3 
A  GKEAT  PROMOTER  OF  HOLIDAYS— HOW  HE  INSTITUTED  KISSING  ON  NEW- 
YEAR'S  DAY — HOW  HE  DISTRIBUTED  FIDDLES  THROUGHOUT  THE  NEW 
NETHERLANDS — HOW  HE  VENTURED  TO  REFORM  THE  LADIES'  PETTICOATS, 
AND  HOW  HE  CAUGHT  A  TARTAR. 

BOM  what  I  have  recounted  in  the  foregoing 
chapter  I  would  not  have  it  imagined  that  the 
great  Peter  was  a  tyrannical  potentate,  ruling 
with  a  rod  of  iron.  On  the  contrary,  where  the  dignity  of 
office  permitted,  he  abounded  in  generosity  and  conde- 
scension. If  he  refused  the  brawling  multitude  the  right 
of  misrule,  he  at  least  endeavored  to  rule  them  in  right- 
eousness. To  spread  abundance  in  the  land,  he  obliged 
the  bakers  to  give  thirteen  loaves  to  the  dozen, — a  golden 
rule  which  remains  a  monument  of  his  beneficence.  So 
far  from  indulging  in  unreasonable  austerity,  he  delight- 
ed to  see  the  poor  and  the  laboring  man  rejoice ;  and  for 
this  purpose  he  was  a  great  promoter  of  holidays.  Under 
his  reign  there  was  a  great  cracking  of  eggs  at  Paas  or 
Easter ;  Whitsuntide  or  Pinxter  also  flourished  in  all  its 
bloom ;  and  never  were  stockings  better  filled  on  the  eve 

of  the  blessed  St.  Nicholas. 

29  449 


450  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

New-Tear's  day,  however,  was  liis  favorite  festival,  and 
was  ushered  in  by  the  ringing  of  bells  and  firing  of  guns. 
On  that  genial  day  the  fountains  of  hospitality  were  bro- 
ken up,  and  the  whole  community  was  deluged  with  cher- 
ry-brandy, true  Hollands,  and  mulled  cider;  every  house 
was  a  temple  of  the  jolly  god ;  and  many  a  provident 
vagabond  got  drunk  out  of  pure  economy — taking  in 
liquor  enough  gratis  to  serve  him  half  a  year  after- 
wards. 

The  great  assemblage,  however,  was  at  the  governor's 
house,  whither  repaired  all  the  burghers  of  New  Amster- 
dam with  their  wives  and  daughters,  pranked  out  in  their 
best  attire.  On  this  occasion  the  good  Peter  was  devout- 
ly observant  of  the  pious  Dutch  rite  of  kissing  the  wo- 
men-kind for  a  Happy  New  Tear;  and  it  is  traditional 
that  Antony  the  Trumpeter,  who  acted  as  gentleman 
usher,  took  toll  of  all  who  were  young  and  handsome,  as 
they  passed  through  the  ante-chamber.  This  venera- 
ble custom,  thus  happily  introduced,  was  followed  with 
such  zeal  by  high  and  low,  that  on  New-Tear's  day,  dur- 
ing the  reign  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  New  Amsterdam  was 
the  most  thoroughly  be-kissed  community  in  all  Chris- 
tendom. Another  great  measure  of  Peter  Stuyvesant 
for  public  improvement  was  the  distribution  of  fiddles 
throughout  the  land.  These  were  placed  in  the  hands  of 
veteran  negroes,  who  were  despatched  as  missionaries 
to  every  part  of  the  province.  This  measure,  it  is  said, 
was  first  suggested  by  Antony  the  Trumpeter ;  and  the 


NEW  HOLIDAYS. 


451 


effect  was  marvellous.  Instead  of  those  "indignation 
meetings"  set  on  foot  in  the  time  of  William  the  Testy, 
•  where  men  met  together  to  rail  at  public  abuses,  groan 
over  the  evils  of  the  times,  and  make  each  other  misera- 
ble, there  were  joyous  gatherings  of  the  two  sexes  to 
dance  and  make  merry.  Now  were  instituted  "quilting 
bees,"  and  "  husking  bees,"  and  other  rural  assemblages, 
where,  under  the  inspiring  influence  of  the  fiddle,  toil 
was  enlivened  by  gayety  and  followed  up  by  the  dance. 
"Raising  bees"  also  were  frequent,  where  houses  sprung 
up  at  the  wagging  of  the  fiddle-sticks,  as  the  walls  of 
Thebes  sprang  up  of  yore  to  the  sound  of  the  lyre  of 
Amphion. 

Jolly  autumn,  which  pours  its  treasures  over  hill  and 
dale,  was  in  those  days  a  season  for  the  lifting  of  the 
heel  as  well  as  the  heart ;  labor  came  dancing  in  the  train 
of  abundance,  and  frolic  prevailed  throughout  the  land. 
Happy  days !  when  the  yeomanry  of  the  Nieuw  Neder- 
lands  were  merry  rather  than  wise ;  and  when  the  notes 
of  the  fiddle,  those  harbingers  of  good-humor  and  good- 
will, resounded  at  the  close  of  the  day  from  every  hamlet 
along  the  Hudson ! 

Nor  was  it  in  rural  communities  alone  that  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant  introduced  his  favorite  engine  of  civilization.  Un- 
der his  rule  the  fiddle  acquired  that  potent  sway  in  New 
Amsterdam  which  it  has  ever  since  retained.  Weekly 
assemblages  were  held,  not  in  heated  ball-rooms  at  mid- 
night hours,  but  on  Saturday  afternoons,  by  the  golden 


452  BISTORT  OF  NEW  YORK. 

light  of  tlie  sun,  on  the  green  lawn  of  the  Battery, — with 
Antony  the  Trumpeter  for  master  of  ceremonies.  Here 
would  the  good  Peter  take  his  seat  under  the  spreading 
trees,  among  the  old  burghers  and  their  wives,  and  watch 
the  mazes  of  the  dance.  Here  would  he  smoke  his  pipe, 
crack  his  joke,  and  forget  the  rugged  toils  of  war  in  the 
sweet  oblivious  festivities  of  peace,  giving  a  nod  of  ap- 
probation to  those  of  the  young  men  who  shuffled  and 
kicked  most  vigorously, — and  now  and  then  a  hearty 
smack,  in  all  honesty  of  soul,  to  the  buxom  lass  who  held 
out  longest,  and  tired  down  every  competitor, — infallible 
proof  of  her  being  the  best  dancer. 

Onoe,  it  is  true,  the  harmony  of  these  meetings  was  in 
danger  of  interruption.  A  young  belle,  just  returned 
from  a  visit  to  Holland,  who  of  course  led  the  fashions, 
made  her  appearance  in  not  more  than  half  a  dozen  pet- 
ticoats, and  these  of  alarming  shortness.  A  whisper  and 
a  flutter  ran  through  the  assembly.  The  young  men,  of 
course,  were  lost  in  admiration  ;  but  the  old  ladies  were 
shocked  in  the  extreme,  especially  those  who  had  mar- 
riageable daughters ;  the  young  ladies  blushed  and  felt 
excessively  for  the  "  poor  thing,"  and  even  the  gover- 
nor himself  appeared  to  be  in  some  kind  of  perturba- 
tion. 

To  complete  the  confusion  of  the  good  folks,  she  un- 
dertook, in  the  course  of  a  jig,  to  describe  some  figures  in 
algebra  taught  her  by  a  dancing-master  at  Rotterdam. 
Unfortunately,  at  the  highest  flourish  of  her  feet  some 


A  BELLE  OF   BEEKMAN    STREET. 


WOMEN'S  FASHIONS.  453 

vagabond  zephyr  obtruded  his  services,  and  a  display  of 
the  graces  took  place,  at  which  all  the  ladies  present 
were  thrown  into  great  consternation ;  several  grave 
country  members  were  not  a  little  moved,  and  the 
good  Peter  Stuyvesant  himself  was  grievously  scandal- 
ized. 

The  shortness  of  the  females'  dress,  which  hpd  con- 
tinued in  fashion  ever  since  the  days  of  "William  Kieft, 
had  long  offended  his  eye ;  and  though  extremely  averse 
to  meddling  with  the  petticoats  of  the  ladies,  yet  he  im- 
mediately recommended  that  every  one  should  be  fur- 
nished with  a  flounce  to  the  bottom.  He  likewise  or- 
dered that  the  ladies,  and  indeed  the  gentlemen,  should 
use  no  other  step  in  dancing  than  "shuffle  and  turn," 
and  "  double  trouble " ;  and  forbade,  under  pain  of  his 
high  displeasure,  any  young  lady  thenceforth  to  attempt 
what  was  termed  "  exhibiting  the  graces." 

These  were  the  only  restrictions  he  ever  imposed,  upon 
the  sex ;  and  these  were  considered  by  them  as  tyrannical 
oppressions,  and  resisted  with  that  becoming  spirit  mani- 
fested by  the  gentle  sex  whenever  their  privileges  are 
invaded.  In  fact,  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who,  as  has  been 
shown,  was  a  sagacious  man,  experienced  in  the  ways  of 
women,  took  a  private  occasion  to  intimate  to  the  gov- 
ernor that  a  conspiracy  was  forming  among  the  young 
vrouws  of  New  Amsterdam  ;  and  that,  if  the  matter  were 
pushed  any  further,  there  was  danger  of  their  leaving  off 
petticoats  altogether ;  whereupon  the  good  Peter  shrug- 


454  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YOZK. 

ged  his  shoulders,  dropped  the  subject,  and  ever  after 
suffered  the  women  to  wear  their  petticoats  and  cut  their 
capers  as  high  as  they  pleased, — a  privilege  which  they 
have  jealously  maintained  in  the  Manhattoes  unto  the 
present  day. 


CHAPTEE  m. 

HOW  TROUBLES  THICKENED    ON  THE    PROVINCE — HOW   IT    IS    THREATENED  HT 
THE     HELDERBERGEHS,     THE     MERRYLANDER9,     AND     THE     GIANTS     OF     THE 

BUSQUEHANNA. 

|  N  the  last  two  chapters  I  have  regaled  the  read- 
er with  a  delectable  picture  of  the  good  Peter 
and  his  metropolis  during  an  interval  of  peace. 
It  was,  however,  but  a  bit  ol  blue  sky  in  a  stormy  day ; 
the  clouds  are  again  gathering  up  from  all  points  of  the 
compass,  and,  if  I  am  not  mistaken  in  my  forebodings,  we 
shall  have  rattling  weather  in  the  ensuing  chapters. 

It  is  with  some  communities  as  it  is  with  certain  med- 
dlesome individuals :  they  have  a  wonderful  facility  at 
getting  into  scrapes ;  and  I  have  always  remarked  that 
those  are  most  prone  to  get  in  who  have  the  least  talent 
at  getting  out  again.  This  is  doubtless  owing  to  line  ex- 
cessive valor  of  those  states  ;  for  I  have  likewise  noticed 
that  this  rampant  quality  is  always  most  frothy  and  fussy 
where  most  confined ;  which  accounts  for  its  vaporing 
so  amazingly  in  little  states,  little  men  and  ugly  little 
women  more  especially. 

Such  is  the  case  with  this  little  province  of  the  Nieuw 
Nederlands ;  which,  by  its  exceeding  valor,  has  already 

455 


456  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

drawn  upon  itself  a  host  of  enemies;  has  had  fighting 
enough  to  satisfy  a  province  twice  its  size ;  and  is  in  a 
fair  way  of  becoming  an  exceedingly  forlorn,  well-be- 
labored, and  woe-begone  little  province.  All  which  was 
'providentially  ordered  to  give  interest  and  sublimity  to 
this  pathetic  history. 

The  first  interruption  to  the  halcyon  quiet  of  Peter 
Stuyvesant  was  caused  by  hostile  intelligence  from  the 
old  belligerent  nest  of  Rensellaerstein.  Killian,  the  lord- 
ly patroon  of  Rensellaerwick,  was  again  in  the  field,  at 
the  head  of  his  myrmidons  of  the  Helderberg,  seeking  to 
annex  the  whole  of  the  Kaats-kill  mountains  to  his  do- 
minions. The  Indian  tribes  of  these  mountains  had  like- 
wise taken  up  the  hatchet  and  menaced  the  venerable 
Dutch  settlement  of  Esopus. 

Fain  would  I  entertain  the  reader  with  the  triumphant 
campaign  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  in  the  haunted  regions  of 
those  mountains,  but  that  I  hold  all  Indian  conflicts  to 
be  mere  barbaric  brawls,  unworthy  of  the  pen  which  has 
recorded  the  classic  war  of  Fort  Christina ;  and  as  to 
these  Helderberg  commotions,  they  are  among  the  flatu- 
lencies which  from  time  to  time  afHict  the  bowels  of  this 
ancient  province,  as  with  a  wind-colic,  and  which  I  deem 
it  seemly  and  decent  to  pass  over  in  silence. 

rThe  next  storm  of  trouble  was  from  the  south.  Scarce- 
ly had  the  worthy  Mynheer  Beekman  got  warm  in  the 
seat  of  authority  on  the  South  River,  than  enemies  began 
to  spring  up  all  around  him.  Hard  by  was  a  formidable 


TROUBLE   WITH  INDIANS.  457 

race  of  savages  inhabiting  the  gentle  region  watered  by 
the  Susquehanna,  of  whom  the  following  mention  is  made 
by  Master  Hariot,  in  his  excellent  history : 

"  The  Susquesahanocks  are  a  giantly  people,  strange 
in  proportion,  behavior  and  attire — their  voice  sounding 
from  them  as  out  of  a  cave.  Their  tobacco-pipes  were 
three-quarters  of  a  yard  long;  carved  at  the  great  end 
with  a  bird,  beare,  or  other  device,  sufficient  to  beat  out 
the  brains  of  a  horse.  The  calfe  of  one  of  their  legges 
measured  three-quarters  of  a  yard  about ;  the  rest  of  the 
limbs  proportionable."* 

These  gigantic  savages  and  smokers  caused  no  little 
disquiet  in  the  mind  of  Mynheer  Beekman,  threatening  to 
cause  a  famine  of  tobacco  in  the  land ;  but  his  most  for- 
midable enemy  was  the  roaring,  roistering  English  colony 
of  Maryland,  or,  as  it  was  anciently  written,  Merryland, — 
so  called  because  the  inhabitants,  not  having  the  fear  of 
the  Lord  before  their  eyes,  were  prone  to  make  merry  and 
get  fuddled  with  mint-julep  and  apple-toddy.  They  were, 
moreover,  great  horse-racers  and  cock-fighters,  mighty 
wrestlers  and  jumpers,  and  enormous  consumers  of  hoe- 
cake  and  bacon.  They  lay  claim  to  be  the  first  inventors 
of  those  recondite  beverages,  cock-tail,  stone-fence,  and 
sherry-cobbler,  and  to  have  discovered  the  gastronomical 
merits  of  terrapins,  soft  crabs,  and  canvas-back  ducks. 

This  rantipole  colony,  founded  by  Lord  Baltimore,  a 

*  Harlot's  Journal,  Purch.  Pilgrims. 


453  HISTORY  OF  NEW 'TORE. 

British  nobleman,  was  managed  by  his  agent,  a  swagger- 
ing Englishman,  commonly  called  Fendall,  that  is  to  say, 
"  offend  all," — a  name  given  him  for  his  bullying  propen- 
sities. These  were  seen  in  a  message  to  Mynheer  Beek- 
man,  theratening  him,  unless  he  immediately  swore  alle- 
giance to  Lord  Baltimore  as  the  rightful  lord  of  the  soil, 
to  come,  at  the  head  of  the  roaring  boys  of  Merryland 
and  the  giants  of  the  Susquehanna,  and  sweep  him  and 
his  Nederlanders  out  of  the  country. 

The  trusty  sword  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  almost  leaped 
from  its  scabbard  when  he  received  missives  from  Myn- 
heer Beekman,  informing  him  of  the  swaggering  menaces 
of  the  bully  Fendall ;  and  as  to  the  giantly  warriors  of 
the  Susquehanna,  nothing  would  have  more  delighted 
him  than  a  bout,  hand  to  hand,  with  half  a  score  of  them, 
having  never  encountered  a  giant  in  the  whole  course  of 
his  campaigns,  unless  we  may  consider  the  stout  Risingh 
as  such — and  he  was  but  a  little  one. 

Nothing  prevented  his  marching  instantly  to  the  South 
River  and  enacting  scenes  still  r.ore  glorious  than  those 
of  Fort  Christina,  but  the  necessity  of  first  putting  a  stop 
to  the  increasing  aggressions  and  inroads  of  the  Yankees, 
so  as  not  to  leave  an  enemy  in  his  rear ;  but  he  wrote  to 
Mynheer  Beekman  to  keep  up  a  bold  front  and  stout 
heart,  promising,  as  soon  as  he  had  settled  affairs  in  the 
east,  that  he  would  hasten  to  the  south  with  his  burly 
warriors  of  the  Hudson,  to  lower  the  crests  of  the  giants, 
and  mar  the  merriment  of  the  Merrylanders. 


CHAPTER  IV. 


HOW  PETER    STUTVESANT    ADVENTURED    INTO    THE   EAST    COUNTRY,   AND    HOW 
HE    FAUED    THERE. 


O  explain  the  apparently  sudden  movement  of 
Peter  Stuyvesant  against  the  crafty  men  of  the 
East  Country,  I  would  observe  that,  during  his 
campaigns  on  the  South  River,  and  in  the  enchanted  re- 
gions of  the  Catskill  Mountains,  the  twelve  tribes  of  the 
East  had  been  more  than  usually  active  in  prosecuting 
their  subtle  scheme  for  the  subjugation  of  the  Nieuw 
Nederlands. 

Independent  of  the  incessant  maraudings  among  hen- 
roosts and  squattings  along  the  border,  invading  armies 
would  penetrate,  from  time  to  time,  into  the  very  heart 
of  the  country.  As  their  prototypes  of  yore  went  forth 
into  the  land  of  Canaan,  with  their  wives  and  their  chil- 
dren, their  men-servants  and  their  maid-servants,  their 
flocks  and  herds,  to  settle  themselves  down  in  the  land 
and  possess  it,  so  these  chosen  people  of  modern  days 
would  progress  through  the  country  in  patriarchal  style, 
conducting  carts  and  wagons  laden  with  household  furni- 
ture, with  women  and  children  piled  on  top,  and  pots  and 

kettles  dangling  beneath.     At  the  tails  of  these  vehicles 

459 


460  HISTORY  OF  MEW  YOHK. 

would  stalk  a  crew  of  long-limbed,  lank-sided  varlets, 
with  axes  on  their  shoulders  and  packs  on  their  backs, 
resolutely  bent  upon  "  locating "  themselves,  as  they 
termed  it,  and  improving  the  country.  These  were  the 
most  dangerous  kind  of  invaders.  It  is  true  they  were 
guilty  of  no  overt  acts  of  hostility ;  but  it  was  notorious 
that,  wherever  they  got  a  footing,  the  honest  Dutchmen 
gradually  disappeared,  retiring  slowly,  as  do  the  Indians 
before  the  white  men,  being  in  some  way  or  other  talked 
and  chaffed,  and  bargained  and  swapped,  and,  in  plain 
English,  elbowed  out  of  all  those  rich  bottoms  and  fertile 
nooks  in  which  our  Dutch  yeomanry  are  prone  to  nestle 
themselves. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  was  at  length  roused  to  this  kind  of 
war  in  disguise,  by  which  the  Yankees  were  craftily  aim- 
ing to  subjugate  his  dominions.  He  was  a  man  easily 
taken  in,  it  is  true,  as  all  great-hearted  men  are  apt  to 
be ;  but  if  he  once  found  it  out,  his  wrath  was  terrible. 
He  now  threw  diplomacy  to  the  dogs — determined  to  ap- 
pear no  more  by  ambassadors,  but  to  repair  in  person  to 
the  great  council  of  the  Amphictyons,  bearing  the  sword 
in  one  hand  and  the  olive-branch  in  the  other,  and  giv- 
ing them  their  choice  of  sincere  and  honest  peace,  or 
open  and  iron  war. 

His  privy  councillors  were  astonished  and  dismayed 
when  he  announced  his  determination.  For  once  they 
ventured  to  remonstrate,  setting  forth  the  rashness  of 
venturing  his  sacred  person  in  the  midst  of  a  strange  and 


ANTONY   VAN  CORLEAR.  4(;1 

barbarous  people.  They  might  as  well  have  tried  to  turn 
a  rusty  weather-cock  with  a  broken-winded  bellows.  In 
the  fiery  heart  of  the  iron-headed  Peter  sat  enthroned 
the  five  kinds  of  courage  described  by  Aristotle  ;  and  had 
the  philosopher  enumerated  five  hundred  more,  I  verily 
believe  he  would  have  possessed  them  all.  As  to  that 
better  part  of  valor  called  discretion,  it  was  too  cold- 
blooded a  virtue  for  his  tropical  temperament. 

Summoning,  therefore,  to  his  presence  his  trusty  fol- 
lower, Antony  Van  Corlear,  he  commanded  him  to  hold 
himself  in  readiness  to  accompany  him  the  following 
morning  on  this,  his  hazardous  enterprise.  Now  Antony 
the  Trumpeter  was  by  this  time  a  little  stricken  in  years, 
but  by  dint  of  keeping  up  a  good  heart,  and  having  never 
known  care  or  sorrow  (having  never  been  married),  he 
was  still  a  hearty,  jocund,  rubicund,  gamesome  wag,  and 
of  great  capacity  in  the  doublet.  This  last  was  ascribed 
to  his  living  a  jolly  life  on  those  domains  at  the  Hook, 
which  Peter  Stuyvesant  had  granted  to  him  for  his  gal- 
lantry at  Fort  Casimir. 

Be  this  as  it  may,  there  was  nothing  that  more  de- 
lighted Antony  than  this  command  of  the  great  Peter,  for 
he  could  have  followed  the  stout-hearted  old  governor  to 
the  world's  end,  with  love  and  loyalty;  and  he  moreover 
still  remembered  the  frolicking,  and  dancing,  and  bun- 
dling, and  other  disports  of  the  east  country,  and  enter- 
tained dainty  recollactions  of  numerous  kind  and  buxom 
lasses,  whom  he  longed  exceedingly  again  to  encounter. 


462  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

Thus  then  did  this  mirror  of  hardihood  set  forth,  -with 
no  other  attendant  but  his  trumpeter,  upon  one  of  the 
most  perilous  enterprises  ever  recorded  in  the  annals  of 
knight-errantry.  For  a  single  warrior  to  venture  openly 
among  a  whole  nation  of  foes, — but,  above  all,  for  a  plain 
downright  Dutchman  to  think  of  negotiating  with  the 
whole  council  of  New  England  ! — never  was  there  known 
a  more  desperate  undertaking ! — Ever  since  I  have  en- 
tered upon  the  chronicles  of  this  peerless  but  hitherto 
uncelebrated  chieftain,  has  he  kept  me  in  a  state  of  inces- 
sant action  and  anxiety  with  the  toils  and  dangers  he  is 
constantly  encountering.  Oh  !  for  a  chapter  of  the  tran- 
quil reign  of  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  that  I  might  repose  on 
it  as  on  a  feather-bed ! 

Is  it  not  enough,  Peter  Stuyvesant,  that  I  have  once 
already  rescued  thee  from  the  machinations  of  these  ter- 
rible Amphictyons,  by  bringing  the  powers  of  witchcraft 
to  thine  aid  ?  Is  it  not  enough,  that  I  have  followed  thee 
undaunted,  like  a  guardian  spirit,  into  the  midst  of  the 
horrid  battle  of  Fort  Christina  ? — that  I  have  been  put 
incessantly  to  my  trumps  to  keep  thee  safe  and  sound, — 
now  warding  off  with  my  single  pen  the  shower  of  das- 
tard blows  that  fell  upon  thy  rear, — now  narrowly  shield- 
ing thee  from  a  deadly  thrust,  by  a  mere  tobacco-box, — • 
now  casing  thy  dauntless  skull  with  adamant,  when  even 
thy  stubborn  ram-beaver  failed  to  resist  the  sword  of  the 
stout  Risingh, — and  now,  not  merely  bringing  thee  off 
alive,  but  triumphant,  from  the  clutches  of  the  gigantic 


THE  DEPARTURE. 

Swede,  by  the  desperate  means  of  a  paltry  stone  pottle  ? 
Is  not  all  this  enough,  but  must  thou  still  be  plunging 
into  new  difficulties,  and  hazarding  in  headlong  enter- 
prises thyself,  thy  trumpeter,  and  thy  historian  ? 

And  now  the  ruddy-faced  Aurora,  like  a  buxom  cham- 
bermaid, draws  aside  the  sable  curtains  of  the  night,  and 
out  bounces  from  his  bed  the  jolly  red-haired  Phoebus, 
startled  at  being  caught  so  late  in  the  embraces  of  Dame 
Thetis.  "With  many  a  stable-boy  oath  he  harnesses  his 
brazen-footed  steeds,  and  whips,  and  lashes,  and  splashes 
up  the  firmament,  like  a  loitering  coachman,  half  an  hour 
behind  his  time.  And  now  behold  that  imp  of  fame  and 
prowess,  the  headstrong  Peter,  bestriding  a  raw-boned, 
switch-tailed  charger,  gallantly  arrayed  in  full  regimen- 
tals, and  bracing  on  his  thigh  that  trusty  brass-hilted 
sword,  which  had  wrought  such  fearful  deeds  on  the 
banks  of  the  Delaware. 

Behold  hard  after  him  his  doughty  trumpeter,  Van 
Corlear,  mounted  on  a  broken-winded,  wall-eyed,  calico 
mare,  his  stone  pottle,  which  had  laid  low  the  mighty 
Bisingh,  slung  under  his  arm,  and  his  trumpet  displayed 
Tauntingly  in  his  right  hand,  decorated  with  a  gorgeous 
banner,  on  which  is  emblazoned  the  great  beaver  of  the 
Manhattoes.  See  them  proudly  issuing  out  of  the  city- 
gate,  like  an  iron-clad  hero  of  yore,  with  his  faithful 
squire  at  his  heels,  the  populace  following  with  their 
eyes,  and  shouting  many  a  parting  wish,  and  hearty 
cheering. — Farewell,  Hardkoppig  Piet!  Farewell,  honest 


464  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

Antony ! — Pleasant  be  your  wayfaring — prosperous  your 
return !  The  stoutest  hero  that  ever  drew  a  sword,  and 
the  worthiest  trumpeter  that  ever  trod  shoe-leather. 

Legends  are  lamentably  silent  about  the  events  that 
befell  our  adventurers  in  this  their  adventurous  travel, 
excepting  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript,  which  gives  the 
substance  of  a  pleasant  little  heroic  poem,  written  on  the 
occasion  by  Dominie  jEgidius  Luyck,*  who  appears  to 
have  been  the  poet-laureate  of  New  Amsterdam.  This 
inestimable  manuscript  assures  us,  that  it  was  a  rare 
spectacle  to  behold  the  great  Peter  and  his  loyal  follower 
hailing  the  morning  sun,  and  rejoicing  in  the  clear  coun- 
tenance of  nature,  as  they  pranced  it  through  the  pastoral 
scenes  of  Bloemen  Dael;  which,  in  those  days,  was  a 
sweet  and  rural  valley,  beautified  with  many  a  bright 
wild-flower,  refreshed  by  many  a  pure  streamlet,  and 
enlivened  here  and  there  by  a  delectable  little  Dutch 
cottage,  sheltered  under  some  sloping  hill,  and  almost 
buried  in  embowering  trees. 

Now  did  they  enter  upon  the  confines  of  Connecticut, 
where  they  encountered  many  grievous  difficulties  and 
perils.  At  one  place  they  were  assailed  by  a  troop  of 
country  squires  and  militia  colonels,  who,  mounted  on 
goodly  steeds,  hung  upon  their  rear  for  several  miles, 
harassing  them  exceedingly  with  guesses  and  questions, 

*  This  Luyck  was  moreover  rector  of  the  Latin  School  in  Nieuw  Xeder- 
lands,  1663.  There  are  two  pieces  addressed  to  .^Egidius  Luyck  in  D.  Se- 
lyn's  MSS.  of  poesies,  upon  his  marriage  with  Judith  Isendoorn.  Old  3IS. 


THE  JOURNEY.  4(55 

more  especially  the  worthy  Peter,  whose  silver-chased  leg 
excited  not  a  little  marvel.  At  another  place,  hard  by  the 
renowned  town  of  Stamford,  they  were  set  upon  by  a  great 
and  mighty  legion  of  church-deacons,  who  imperiously 
demanded  of  them  five  shillings,  for  travelling  on  Sunday, 
and  threatened  to  carry  them  captive  to  a  neighboring 
church,  whose  steeple  peered  above  the  trees ;  but  these 
the  valiant  Peter  put  to  rout  with  little  difficulty,  inso- 
much that  they  bestrode  their  canes  and  galloped  off  in 
horrible  confusion,  leaving  their  cocked  hats  behind  in 
the  hurry  of  their  flight.  But  not  so  easily  did  he  escape 
from  the  hands  of  a  crafty  man  of  Pyquag,  who,  with  un- 
daunted perseverance,  and  repeated  onsets,  fairly  bargain- 
ed him  out  of  his  goodly  switch-tailed  charger,  leaving 
in  place  thereof  a  villanous,  foundered  Narraganset  pacer. 

But  maugre  all  these  hardships,  they  pursued  their 
journey  cheerily  along  the  course  of  the  soft-flowing  Con- 
necticut, whose  gentle  waves,  says  the  song,  roll  through 
many  a  fertile  vale  and  sunny  plain, — now  reflecting  the 
lofty  spires  of  the  bustling  city,  and  now  the  rural  beau- 
ties of  the  humble  hamlet, — now  echoing  with  the  busy 
hum  of  commerce,  and  now  with  the  cheerful  song  of  the 
peasant. 

At  every  town  would  Peter  Stuyvesant,  who  was  noted 
for  warlike  punctilio,  order  the  sturdy  Antony  to  sound 
a  courteous  salutation ;  though  the  manuscript  observes, 
that  the  inhabitants  were  thrown  into  great  dismay  when 
they  heard  of  his  approach.  For  the  fame  of  his  incoin- 


466  BISTORT  OF  NEW  YORK 

parable  achievements  on  the  Delaware  had  spread  through- 
out the  east  country,  and  they  dreaded  lest  he  had  come 
to  take  vengeance  on  their  manifold  transgressions. 

But  the  good  Peter  rode  through  these  towns  with  a 
smiling  aspect,  waving  his  hand  with  inexpressible  maj- 
esty and  condescension ;  for  ho  verily  believed  that  the 
old  clothes  which  these  ingenious  people  had  thrust  into 
their  broken  windows,  and  the  festoons  of  dried  apples 
and  peaches  which  ornamented  the  fronts  of  their  houses, 
were  so  many  decorations  in  honor  of  his  approach,  as  it 
was  the  custom  in  the  days  of  chivalry  to  compliment 
renowned  heroes  by  sumptuous  displays  of  tapestry  and 
gorgeous  furniture.  The  women  crowded  to  the  doors  to 
gaze  upon  him  as  he  passed,  so  much  does  prowess  in 
arms  delight  the  gentle  sex.  The  little  children,  too,  ran 
after  him  in  troops,  staring  with  wonder  at  his  regimen- 
tals, his  brimstone  breeches,  and  the  silver  garniture  of 
his  wooden  leg.  Nor  must  I  omit  to  mention  the  joy 
which  many  strapping  wenches  betrayed  at  beholding 
the  jovial  Yan  Corlear,  who  had  whilom  delighted  them 
so  much  with  his  trumpet,  when  he  bore  the  great 
Peter's  challenge  to  the  Amphictyons.  The  kind-hearted 
Antony  alighted  from  his  calico  mare,  and  kissed  them 
all  with  infinite  loving-kindness,-— and  was  right  pleased 
to  see  a  crew  of  little  trumpeters  crowding  around  him 
for  his  blessing,  each  of  whom  he  patted  on  the  head, 
bade  him  be  a  good  boy,  and  gave  him  a  penny  to  buy 
molasses  candy. 


CHAPTEE  V. 

HOW   THE   YANKEES    SECRETLY   SOUGHT    THE   AID   OF    THE    BRITISH  CABINET     IN 
THEIIl   HOSTILE   SCHEMES   AGAINST    THE   MANHATTOES. 

OW  so  it  happened,  that,  while  the  great  and 
good  Peter  Stuyvesant,  followed  by  his  trusty 
squire,  was  making  his  chivalric  progress 
through  the  east  country,  a  dark  and  direful  scheme  of 
war  against  his  beloved  province  was  forming  in  that 
nursery  of  monstrous  projects,  the  British  Cabinet. 

This,  we  are  confidently  informed,  was  the  result  of 
the  secret  instigations  of  the  great  council  of  the  league  ; 
who,  finding  themselves  totally  incompetent  to  vie  in 
arms  with  the  heavy-sterned  warriors  of  the  Manhattoes 
and  their  iron-headed  commander,  sent  emissaries  to  the 
British  government,  setting  forth  in  eloquent  language 
the  wonders  and  delights  of  this  delicious  little  Dutch 
Canaan,  and  imploring  that  a  force  might  be  sent  out  to 
invade  it  by  sea,  while  they  should  cooperate  by  land. 

These  emissaries  arrived  at  a  critical  juncture,  just  as 
the  British  Lion  was  beginning  to  bristle  up  his  mane 
and  wag  his  tail ;  for  we  are  assured  by  the  anonymous 
writer  of  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript,  that  the  astounding 
victory  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  at  Fort  Christina  had  re- 

467 


468  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

sounded  throughout  Europe,  and  his  annexation  of  the 
territory  of  New  Sweden  had  awakened  the  jealousy  of 
the  British  Cabinet  for  their  wild  lands  at  the  south. 
This  jealousy  was  brought  to  a  head  by  the  representa- 
tions of  Lord  Baltimore,  who  declared  that  the  territory 
thus  annexed  lay  within  the  lands  granted  to  him  by  the 
British  crown,  and  he  claimed  to  be  protected  in  his 
rights.  Lord  Sterling,  another  British  subject,  claimed 
the  whole  of  Nassau,  or  Long  Island,  once  th°  Ophir  of 
"William  the  Testy,  but  now  (he  kitchen-garden  of  the 
Manhattoes,  which  he  declared  to  be  British  territory 
by  the  right  of  discovery,  but  unjustly  usurped  by  the 
Nederlanders.  The  result  of  all  these  rumors  and  rep- 
resentations was  a  sudden  zeal  on  the  part  of  his  Maj- 
esty Charles  the  Second,  for  the  safety  and  well-being  of 
his  transatlantic  possessions,  and  especially  for  the  re- 
covery of  the  New  Netherlands,  which  Yankee  logic  had, 
somehow  or  other,  proved  to  be  a  continuity  of  the  terri- 
tory taken  possession  of  for  the  British  crown  by  the 
Pilgrims,  when  they  landed  on  Plymouth  Bock,  fugitives 
from  British  oppression.  All  this  goodly  land,  thus 
wrongfully  held  by  the  Dutchmen,  he  presented,  in  a  fit 
of  affection,  to  his  brother,  the  Duke  of  York, — a  dona- 
tion truly  royal,  since  none  but  great  sovereigns  hava  a 
right  to  give  away  what  does  not  belong  to  tiiem.  That 
this  munificent  gift  might  not  be  merely  nominal,  his 
Majesty  ordered  that  an  armament  should  be  straightway 
dispatched  to  invade  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  by  land 


KING  CHARLES'  ZEAL.  4G9 

and  water,  and  put  his  brother  in  complete  possession  of 
the  premises. 

Thus  critically  situated  are  the  affairs  of  the  New 
Nederlaiiders.  While  the  honest  burghers  are  smoking 
their  pipes  in  sober  security,  and  the  privy  councillors 
are  snoring  in  the  council-chamber, — while  Peter  the 
Headstrong  is  undauntedly  making  his  way  through  the 
east  country  in  the  confident  hope  by  honest  words  and 
manly  deeds  to  bring  the  grand  council  to  terms, — a  hos- 
tile fleet  is  sweeping  like  a  thunder-cloud  across  the  At- 
lantic, soon  to  rattle  a  storm  of  war  about  the  ears  of 
the  dozing  Nederlanders,  and  to  put  the  mettle  of  their 
governor  to  the  trial. 

But  come  what  may,  I  here  pledge  my  veracity,  that 
in  all  warlike  conflicts  and  doubtful  perplexities  he  will 
ever  acquit  himself  like  a  gallant,  noble-minded,  obsti- 
nate old  cavalier. — Forward,  then,  to  the  charge !  Shine 
out,  propitious  stars,  on  the  renowned  city  of  the  Man- 
hattoes ;  and  the  blessing  of  St.  Nicholas  go  with  thee — • 
honest  Peter  Stuy  vesant. 


CHAPTEE  YI. 

OP  PETER  STUYYESANT'S  EXPEDITION  INTO  THE  EAST  COUNTRY,  SHOWING  THAT, 
THOUGH  AN  OLD  BIRD,  HE  DID  NOT  UNDERSTAND  TRAP. 

BEAT  nations  resemble  great  men  in  this  par- 
ticular, that  their  greatness  is  seldom  known 
until  they  get  in  trouble  ;  adversity,  therefore, 
has  been  wisely  denominated  the  ordeal  of  true  great- 
ness, which,  like  gold,  can  never  receive  its  real  estima- 
tion until  it  has  passed  through  the  furnace.  In  propor- 
tion, therefore,  as  a  nation,  a  community,  or  an  individual 
(possessing  the  inherent  quality  of  greatness)  is  involved 
in  perils  and  misfortunes,  in  proportion  does  it  rise  in 
grandeur,  and  even  when  sinking  under  calamity,  makes, 
like  a  house  on  fire,  a  more  glorious  display  than  ever  it 
did  in  the  fairest  period  of  its  prosperity. 

The  vast  empire  of  China,  though  teeming  with  popu- 
lation and  imbibing  and  concentrating  the  wealth  of  na- 
tions, has  vegetated  through  a  succession  of  drowsy  ages ; 
and  were  it  not  for  its  internal  revolutions,  and  the  sub- 
version of  its  ancient  government  by  the  Tartars,  might 
have  presented  nothing  but  a  dull  detail  of  monoto- 
nous prosperity.  Pompeii  and  Herculaneum  might  have 
passed  into  oblivion,  with  a  herd  of  their  contempora- 

470 


ARRIVAL  IN  BOSTON.  471 

ries,  had  they  not  been  fortunately  overwhelmed  by  a 
volcano.  The  renowned  city  of  Troy  acquired  celebrity 
only  from  its  ten  years'  distress,  and  final  conflagration ; 
Paris  rose  in  importance  by  the  plots  and  massacres 
which  ended  in  the  exaltation  of  Napoleon ;  and  even 
the  mighty  London  has  skulked  through  the  records  of 
time,  celebrated  for  nothing  of  moment  excepting  the 
plague,  the  great  fire,  and  Guy  Faux's  gunpowder  plot ! 
Thus  cities  and  empires  creep  along,  enlarging  in  silent 
obscurity,  until  they  burst  forth  in  some  tremendous  ca- 
lamity— and  snatch,  as  it  were,  immortality  from  the  ex- 
plosion ! 

The  above  principle  being  admitted,  my  reader  will 
plainly  perceive  that  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  and 
its  dependent  province  are  on  the  high-road  to  great- 
ness. Dangers  and  hostilities  threaten  from  every  side, 
and  it  is  really  a  matter  of  astonishment,  how  so  small  a 
state  has  been  able,  in  so  short  a  time,  to  entangle  itself 
in  so  many  difficulties.  Ever  since  the  province  was  first 
taken  by  the  nose,  at  the  Fort  of  Goed  Hoop,  in  the  tran- 
quil days  of  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  has  it  been  gradually 
increasing  in  historic  importance  ;  and  never  could  it 
have  had  a  more  appropriate  chieftain  to  conduct  it  to 
the  pinnacle  of  grandeur  than  Peter  Stuyvesant. 

This  truly  headstrong  hero  having  successfully  effected 
his  daring  progress  through  the  east  country,  girded  up 
his  loins  as  he  approached  Boston,  and  prepared  for  the 
grand  onslaught  with  the  Amphictyons,  which  was  to  be 


472  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

the  crowning  achievement  of  the  campaign.  Throwing 
Antony  Van  Corlear,  who,  with  his  calico  mare,  formed 
his  escort  and  army,  a  little  in  the  advance,  and  bidding 
him  be  of  stout  heart  and  great  wind,  he  placed  himself 
firmly  in  his  saddle,  cocked  his  hat  more  fiercely  over  his 
left  eye,  summoned  all  the  heroism  of  his  soul  into  his 
countenance,  and,  with  one  arm  akimbo,  the  hand  rest- 
ing on  the  pommel  of  his  sword,  rode  into  the  great 
metropolis  of  the  league,  Antony  sounding  his  trumpet 
before  him  in  a  manner  to  electrify  the  whole  community. 
Never  was  there  such  a  stir  in  Boston  as  on  this  occa- 
sion; never  such  a  hurrying  hither  and  thither  about  the 
streets;  such  popping  of  heads  out  of  windows;  such 
gathering  of  knots  in  market-places.  Peter  Stuyvesant 
was  a  straightforward  man,  and  prone  to  do  everything 
above-board.  He  would  have  ridden  at  once  to  the  great 
council-house  of  the  league  and  sounded  a  parley ;  but  the 
grand  council  knew  the  mettlesome  hero  they  had  to  deal 
with,  and  were  not  for  doing  things  in  a  hurry.  On  the 
contrary,  they  sent  forth  deputations  to  meet  him  on  the 
way,  to  receive  him  in  a  style  befitting  the  great  poten- 
tate of  the  Manhattoes,  and  to  multiply  all  kind  of  honors, 
and  ceremonies,  and  formalities,  and  other  courteous  im- 
pediments in  his  path.  Solemn  banquets  were  according- 
ly given  him,  equal  to  thanksgiving  feasts.  Complimen- 
tary speeches  were  made  him,  wherein  he  was  entertained 
with  the  surpassing  virtues,  long-sufferings,  and  achieve- 
ments of  the  Pilgrim-Fathers ;  and  it  is  even  said  he  was 


WARNING  OF  THE  PLOT.  473 

treated  to  a  sight  of  Plymouth  Bock, — that  great  corner- 
stone of  Yankee  empire. 

I  will  not  detain  my  readers  by  recounting  the  endless 
devices  by  which  time  was  wasted,  and  obstacles  and  de- 
lays multiplied  to  the  infinite  annoyance  of  the  impatient 
Peter.  Neither  will  I  fatigue  them  by  dwelling  on  his 
negotiations  with  the  grand  council,  when  he  at  length 
brought  them  to  business.  Suffice  it  to  say,  it  was  like 
most  other  diplomatic  negotiations :  a  great  deal  was  said 
and  very  little  done;  one  conversation  led  to  another, 
one  conference  begot  misunderstandings  which  it  took  a 
dozen  conferences  to  explain,  at  the  end  of  which  both 
parties  found  themselves  just  where  they  had  begun,  but 
ten  times  less  likely  to  come  to  an  agreement. 

In  the  midst  of  these  perplexities  which  bewildered  the 
brain  and  incensed  the  ire  of  honest  Peter,  he  received 
private  intelligence  of  the  dark  conspiracy  matured  in  the 
British  cabinet,  with  the  astounding  fact  that  a  British 
squadron  was  already  on  the  way  to  invade  New  Amster- 
dam by  sea,  and  that  the  grand  council  of  Amphictyons, 
while  thus  beguiling  him  with  subtleties,  were  actually 
prepared  to  cooperate  by  land ! 

Oh!  how  did  the  sturdy  old  warrior  rage  and  roar, 
when  he  found  himself  thus  entrapped,  like  a  lion  in 
the  hunter's  toil!  Now  did  he  draw  his  trusty  sword, 
and  determine  to  break  in  upon  the  council  of  the 
Amphictyons  and  put  every  mother's  son  of  them  to 
death.  Now  did  he  resolve  to  fight  his  way  throughout 


474  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

all  the  region  of  the  east  and  to  lay  waste  Connecticut 
river ! 

Gallant,  but  unfortunate  Peter !  Did  I  not  enter  with 
sad  forebodings  on  this  ill-starred  expedition?  Did  I 
not  tremble  when  I  saw  thee,  with  no  other  counsellor 
than  thine  own  head ;  no  other  armor  but  an  honest 
tongue,  a  spotless  conscience,  and  a  rusty  sword;  no 
other  protector  but  St.  Nicholas,  and  no  other  attendant 
but  a  trumpeter ;  did  I  not  tremble  when  I  beheld  thee 
thus  sally  forth  to  contend  with  all  the  knowing  powers 
of  New  England? 

It  was  a  long  time  before  the  kind-hearted  expostu- 
lations of  Antony  Van  Corlear,  aided  by  the  soothing 
melody  of  his  trumpet,  could  lower  the  spirits  of  Peter 
Stuyvesant  from  their  warlike  and  vindictive  tones,  and 
prevent  his  making  widows  and  orphans  of  half  the  popu- 
lation of  Boston.  With  great  difficulty  he  was  prevailed 
upon  to  bottle  up  his  wrath  for  the  present,  to  conceal 
from  the  council  his  knowledge  of  their  machinations, 
and  by  effecting  his  escape,  to  be  able  to  arrive  in  time 
for  the  salvation  of  the  Manhattoes. 

The  latter  suggestion  awakened  a  new  ray  of  hope  in 
his  bosom ;  he  forthwith  dispatched  a  secret  message  to 
his  councillors  at  New  Amsterdam,  apprising  them  of 
their  danger,  and  commanding  them  to  put  the  city  in  a 
posture  of  defence,  promising  to  come  as  soon  as  possible 
to  their  assistance.  This  done,  he  felt  marvellously  re- 
lieved, rose  slowlv,  shook  himself  like  a  rhinoceros,  and 


AFFAIRS  AT  NEW  AMSTERDAM.  475 

issued  forth  from  his  den,  in  much  the  same  manner  as 
Giant  Despair  is  described  to  have  issued  from  Doubting 
Castle,  in  the  chivalric  history  of  the  Pilgrim's  Progress. 
And  now  much  does  it  grieve  me  that  I  must  leave  the 
gallant  Peter  in  this  imminent  jeopardy ;  but  it  behooves 
us  to  hurry  back  and  see  what  is  going  on  at  New  Am- 
sterdam, for  greatly  do  I  fear  that  city  is  already  in  a 
turmoil.  Such  was  ever  the  fate  of  Peter  Stuyvesant; 
while  doing  one  thing  with  heart  and  soul,  he  was  too 
apt  to  leave  everything  else  at  sixes  and  sevens.  While, 
like  a  potentate  of  yore,  he  was  absent  attending  to  those 
things  in  person  which  in  modern  days  are  trusted  to 
generals  and  ambassadors,  his  little  territory  at  home 
was  sure  to  get  in  an  uproar ;  all  which  was  owing  to  that 
uncommon  strength  of  intellect,  which  induced  him  to 
trust  to  nobody  but  himself,  and  which  had  acquired  him 
the  renowned  appellation  of  Peter  the  Headstrong. 


CHAPTEE  VH. 


HOW  THE  PEOPLE  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM  WE  RETHROWN  INTO  A  GREAT  PANIC 
BY  THE  NEWS  OF  THE  THREATENED  INVASION,  AND  THE  MANNER  IN  WHICH 
THEY  FORTIFIED  THEMSELVES. 


HEBE  is  no  sight  more  truly  interesting  to  a 
philosopher  than  a  community  where  every  in- 
dividual has  a  voice  in  public  affairs,  where 
every  individual  considers  himself  the  Atlas  of  the  na- 
tion, and  where  every  individual  thinks  it  his  duty  to 
bestir  himself  for  the  good  of  his  country :  I  say,  there 
is  nothing  more  interesting  to  a  philosopher  than  such 
a  community  in  a  sudden  bustle  of  war.  Such  clamor  of 
tongues — such  patriotic  bawling — such  running  hither 
and  thither — everybody  in  a  hurry — everybody  in  trou- 
ble— everybody  in  the  way,  and  everybody  interrupting 
his  neighbor — who  is  busily  employed  in  doing  nothing ! 
It  is  like  witnessing  a  great  fire,  where  the  whole  com- 
munity are  agog — some  dragging  about  empty  engines — 
others  scampering  with  full  buckets,  and  spilling  the  con- 
tents into  their  neighbor's  boots — and  others  ringing  the 
church-bells  all  night,  by  way  of  putting  out  the  fire. 
Little  firemen,  like  sturdy  little  knights  storming  a 
breach,  clambering  up  and  down  scaling-ladders,  and 

476 


TURMOIL  IN  NEW  AMSTERDAM.  477 

bawling  through  tin  trumpets,  by  way  of  directing  the 
attack.  Here  a  fellow,  in  his  great  zeal  to  save  the  prop- 
erty of  the  unfortunate,  catches  up  an  anonymous  cham- 
ber-utensil, and  gallants  it  off  with  an  air  of  as  much  self- 
importance  as  if  he  had  rescued  a  pot  of  money ;  there 
another  throws  looking-glasses  and  china  out  of  the  win- 
dow, to  save  them  from  the  flames ;  whilst  those  who  can 
do  nothing  else  run  up  and  down  the  streets,  keeping  up 
an  incessant  cry  of  Fire  !  Fire  !  Fire  ! 

"When  the  news  arrived  at  Sinope,"  says  Lucian, — 
though  I  own  the  story  is  rather  trite, — "  that  Philip  was 
about  to  attack  them,  the  inhabitants  were  thrown  into 
a  violent  alarm.  Some  ran  to  furbish  up  their  arms; 
others  rolled  stones  to  build  up  the  walls, — everybody,  in 
short,  was  employed,  and  everybody  in  the  way  of  his 
neighbor.  Diogenes  alone  could  find  nothing  to  do ; 
whereupon,  not  to  be  idle  when  the  welfare  of  his  coun- 
try was  at  stake,  he  tucked  up  his  robe,  and  fell  to  roll- 
ing his  tub  with  might  and  main  up  and  down  the  Gym- 
nasium." In  like  manner  did  every  mother's  son  in  the 
patriotic  community  of  New  Amsterdam,  on  receiving  the 
missive  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  busy  himself  most  mightily 
in  putting  things  in  confusion,  and  assisting  the  general 
uproar.  "Every  man"  —  saith  the  Stuyvesant  manu- 
script— "  flew  to  arms  !  " — by  which  is  meant,  that  not 
one  of  our  honest  Dutch  citizens  would  venture  to  church 
or  to  market  without  an  old-fashioned  spit  of  a  sword 
dangling  at  his  side,  and  a  long  Dutch  fowling-piece  on 


478  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

his  shoulder ;  nor  would  he  go  out  of  a  night  without 
a  lantern ;  nor  turn  a  corner  without  first  peeping  cau- 
tiously round,  lest  he  should  come  unawares  upon  a  Brit- 
ish army; — and  we  are  informed  that  Stoffel  Brinker- 
hoff,  who  was  considered  by  the  old  women  almost  as 
brave  a  man  as  the  governor  himself,  actually  had  two 
one-pound  swivels  mounted  in  his  entry,  one  pointing 
out  at  the  front  door,  and  the  other  at  the  back. 

But  the  most  strenuous  measure  resorted  to  on  this 
awful  occasion,  and  one  which  has  since  been  found  of 
wonderful  efficacy,  was  to  assemble  popular  meetings. 
These  brawling  convocations,  I  have  already  shown,  were 
extremely  offensive  to  Peter  Stuyvesant ;  but  as  this  was 
a  moment  of  unusual  agitation,  and  as  the  old  governor 
was  not  present  to  repress  them,  they  broke  out  with 
intolerable  violence.  Hither,  therefore,  the  orators  and 
politicians  repaired,  striving  who  should  bawl  loudest, 
and  exceed  the  others  in  hyperbolical  bursts  of  patriot- 
ism, and  in  resolutions  to  uphold  and  defend  the  govern- 
ment. In  these  sage  meetings  it  was  resolved  that  they 
were  the  most  enlightened,  the  most  dignified,  the  most 
formidable,  and  the  most  ancient  community  upon  the 
face  of  the  earth.  This  resolution  being  carried  unani- 
mously, another  was  immediately  proposed, — whether  it 
were  not  possible  and  politic  to  exterminate  Great  Brit- 
ain ?  upon  which  sixty-nine  members  spoke  in  the  affir- 
mative, and  only  one  arose  to  suggest  some  doubts, — 
who,  as  a  punishment  for  his  treasonable  presumption, 


AFFAIRS  AT  NEW  AMSTERDAM.  479 

was  immediately  seized  by  the  mob,  and  tarred  and  feath- 
ered,— which  punishment  being  equivalent  to  the  Tarpe- 
ian  Bock,  he  was  afterwards  considered  as  an  outcast 
from  society,  and  his  opinion  went  for  nothing.  The 
question,  therefore,  being  unanimously  carried  in  the  af- 
firmative, it  was  recommended  to  the  grand  council  to 
pass  it  into  a  law  ;  which  was  accordingly  done.  By  this 
measure  the  hearts  of  the  people  at  large  were  wonder- 
fully encouraged,  and  they  waxed  exceedingly  choleric 
and  valorous.  Indeed,  the  first  paroxysm  of  alarm  having 
in  some  measure  subsided, — the  old  women  having  buried 
all  the  money  they  could  lay  their  hands  on,  and  their 
husbands  daily  getting  fuddled  with  what  was  left,— the 
community  began  even  to  stand  on  the  offensive.  Songs 
were  manufactured  in  Low  Dutch  and  sung  about  the 
streets,  wherein  the  English  were  most  wofully  beaten, 
and  shown  no  quarter ;  and  popular  addresses  were  made, 
wherein  it  was  proved,  to  a  certainty,  that  the  fate  of  Old 
England  depended  upon  the  will  of  the  New  Amsterdam- 
mers. 

Finally,  to  strike  a  violent  blow  at  the  very  vitals  of 
Great  Britain,  a  multitude  of  the  wiser  inhabitants  as- 
sembled, and  having  purchased  all  the  British  manufac- 
tures they  could  find,  they  made  thereof  a  huge  bonfire  ; 
and,  in  the  patriotic  glow  of  the  moment,  every  man 
present,  who  had  a  hat  or  breeches  of  English  workman- 
ship, pulled  it  off,  and  threw  it  into  the  flames, — to  the 
irreparable  detriment,  loss,  and  ruin  of  the  English 


480  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

manufacturers.  In  commemoration  of  this  great  exploit, 
they  erected  a  pole  on  the  spot,  with  a  device  on  the  top 
intended  to  represent  the  province  of  Nieuw  Nederlands 
destroying  Great  Britain,  under  the  similitude  of  an 
Eagle  picking  the  little  Island  of  Old  England  out  of 
the  globe ;  but  either  through  the  unskilfulness  of  the 
sculptor,  or  his  ill-timed  waggery,  it  bore  a  striking  re- 
semblance to  a  goose,  vainly  striving  to  get  hold  of  a 
dumpling, 


CHAPTEB 


HOW  THE  GRAND  COUNCIL  OF  THE  NEW  NETHERLANDS  WERE  MIRACULOUSLY 
GIFTED  WITH  LONG  TONGUES  IN  THE  MOMENT  OF  EMERGENCY— SHOWING  THE 
VALUE  OF  WORDS  IN  WARFARE. 


T  will  need  but  little  penetration  in  any  one  con- 
versant with  the  ways  of  that  wise  but  windy 
potentate,  the  sovereign  people,  to  discover 
that  notwithstanding  all  the  warlike  bluster  and  bustle 
of  the  last  chapter,  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  was  not 
a  whit  more  prepared  for  war  than  before.  The  privy 
councillors  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  were  aware  of  this ;  and, 
having  received  his  private  orders  to  put  the  city  in  an 
immediate  posture  of  defence,  they  called  a  meeting  of 
the  oldest  and  richest  burghers  to  assist  them  with  their 
wisdom.  These  were  that  order  of  citizens  commonly 
termed  "  men  of  the  greatest  weight  in  the  community  "; 
their  weight  being  estimated  by  the  heaviness  of  their 
heads  and  of  their  purses.  •  Their  wisdom  in  fact  is  apt 
to  be  of  a  ponderous  kind,  and  to  hang  like  a  mill-stone 
round  the  neck  of  the  community. 

Two  things  were  unanimously  determined  in  this  as- 
sembly of  venerables  :  First,  that  the  city  required  to  b -•> 
put  in  a  state  of  defence ;  and,  Second,  that,  as  the  dangr 
31  481 


482  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

was  imminent,  there  should  be  no  time  lost :  which  points 
being  settled,  they  fell  to  making  long  speeches  and  bela- 
boring one  another  in  endless  and  intemperate  disputes. 
For  about  this  time  was  this  unhappy  city  first  visited 
by  that  talking  endemic  so  prevalent  in  this  country,  and 
which  so  invariably  evinces  itself  wherever  a  number  of 
wise  men  assemble  together,  breaking  out  in  long,  windy 
speeches,  caused,  as  physicians  suppose,  by  the  foul  air 
which  is  ever  generated  in  a  crowd.  Now  it  was,  more- 
over, that  they  first  introduced  the  ingenious  method  of 
measuring  the  merits  of  an  harangue  by  the  hour-glass, 
he  being  considered  the  ablest  orator  who  spoke  longest 
on  a  question.  For  which  excellent  invention,  it  is  re- 
corded, we  are  indebted  to  the  same  profound  Dutch 
critic  who  judged  of  books  by  their  size. 

This  sudden  passion  for  endless  harangues,  so  little 
consonant  with  the  customary  gravity  and  taciturnity  of 
our  sage  forefathers,  was  supposed  by  certain  philoso- 
phers to  have  been  imbibed,  together  with  divers  other 
barbarous  propensities,  from  their  savage  neighbors ;  who 
were  peculiarly  noted  for  long  talks  and  council-fires,  and 
never  undertook  any  affair  of  the  least  importance  with- 
out previous  debates  and  harangues  among  their  chiefs 
and  old  men  But  the  real  cause  was,  that  the  people,  in 
electing  their  representatives  to  the  grand  council,  were 
particular  in  choosing  them  for  their  talents  at  talking, 
without  inquiring  whether  they  possessed  the  more  rare, 
difficult,  and  ofttimes  important  talent  of  holding  their 


TALK. 

tongues.  The  consequence  was,  that  this  deliberative 
body  was  composed  of  the  most  loquacious  men  in  the 
community.  As  they  considered  themselves  placed  there 
to  talk,  every  man  concluded  that  his  duty  to  his  constit- 
uents, and,  what  is  more,  his  popularity  with  them,  re- 
quired that  he  should  harangue  on  every  subject,  whether 
he  understood  it  or  not.  There  was  an  ancient  mode  of 
burying  a  chieftain,  by  every  soldier  throwing  his  shield 
full  of  earth  on  the  corpse,  until  a  mighty  mound  was 
formed ;  so,  whenever  a  question  was  brought  forward  in 
this  assembly,  every  member  pressing  forward  to  throw 
on  his  quantum  of  wisdom,  the  subject  was  quickly  buried 
under  a  mountain  of  words. 

We  are  told  that  disciples,  on  entering  the  school  of 
Pythagoras,  were  for  two  years  enjoined  silence,  and  for- 
bidden either  to  ask  questions,  or  make  remarks.  After 
they  had  thus  acquired  the  inestimable  art  of  holding 
their  tongues,  they  were  gradually  permitted  to  make 
inquiries,  and  finally  to  communicate  their  own  opin- 
ions. 

With  what  a  beneficial  effect  could  this  wise  regulation 
of  Pythagoras  be  introduced  in  modern  legislative  bodies, 
— and  how  wonderfully  would  it  have  tended  to  expedite 
business  in  the  grand  council  of  the  Manhattoes ! 

At  this  perilous  juncture  the  fatal  word  economy,  the 
stumbling-block  of  William  the  Testy,  had  been  once 
more  set  afloat,  according  to  which  the  cheapest  plan  of 
defence  was  insisted  upon  as  the  best;  it  being  deemed 


484  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

a  great  stroke  of  policy  in  furnishing  powder  to  econo- 
mize in  ball. 

Thus  did  dame  Wisdom  (whom  the  wags  of  antiquity 
have  humorously  personified  as  a  woman)  seem  to  take  a 
mischievous  pleasure  in  jilting  the  venerable  councillors 
of  New  Amsterdam.  To  add  to  the  confusion,  the  old 
factions  of  Short  Pipes  and  Long  Pipes,  which  had  been 
almost  strangled  by  the  Herculean  grasp  of  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant,  now  sprang  up  with  tenfold  vigor.  "Whatever  was 
proposed  by  Short  Pipe  was  opposed  by  the  whole  tribe 
of  Long  Pipes,  who,  like  true  partisans,  deemed  it  their 
first  duty  to  effect  the  downfall  of  their  rivals,  their  sec- 
ond, to  elevate  themselves,  and  their  third,  to  consult  the 
public  good;  though  many  left  the  third  consideration 
out  of  question  altogether. 

In  this  great  collision  of  hard  heads  it  is  astonishing 
the  number  of  projects  that  were  struck  out, — projects 
which  threw  the  wind-mill  system  of  William  the  Testy 
completely  in  the  background.  These  were  almost  uni- 
formly opposed  by  the  "  men  of  the  greatest  weight  in 
the  community !  "  your  weighty  men,  though  slow  to  de- 
vise, being  always  great  at  "  negativing."  Among  these 
were  a  set  of  fat,  self-important  old  burghers,  who 
smoked  their  pipes,  and  said  nothing  except  to  negative 
every  plan  of  defence  proposed.  These  were  that  class 
of  "  conservatives  "  who,  having  amassed  a  fortune,  but- 
ton up  their  pockets,  shut  their  mouths,  sink,  as  it  were, 
into  themselves,  and  pass  the  rest  of  their  lives  in  the  in- 


PLANS  AND  PROJECTS.  485 

dwelling  beatitude  of  conscious  wealth ;  as  some  phleg- 
matic oyster,  having  swallowed  a  pearl,  closes  its  shell, 
sinks  in  the  mud,  and  devotes  the  rest  of  its  life  to  the 
conservation  of  its  treasure.  Every  plan  of  defence 
seemed  to  these  worthy  old  gentlemen  pregnant  with  ruin. 
An  armed  force  was  a  legion  of  locusts  preying  upon  the 
public  property ;  to  fit  out  a  naval  armament  was  to  throw 
their  money  into  the  sea ;  to  build  fortifications  was  to 
bury  it  in  the  dirt.  In  short,  they  settled  it  as  a  sover- 
eign maxim,  so  long  as  their  pockets  were  full,  no  matter 
how  much  they  were  drubbed.  A  kick  left  no  scar ;  a 
broken  head  cured  itself ;  but  an  empty  purse  was  of  all 
maladies  the  slowest  to  heal,  and  one  in  which  nature 
did  nothing  for  the  patient. 

Thus  did  this  venerable  assembly  of  sages  lavish  away 
that  time  which  the  urgency  of  affairs  rendered  invaluable, 
in  empty  brawls  and  long-winded  speeches,  without  ever 
agreeing,  except  on  the  point  with  which  they  started, 
namely,  that  there  was  no  time  to  be  lost,  and  delay  was 
ruinous.  At  length,  St.  Nicholas  taking  compassion  on 
their  distracted  situation,  and  anxious  to  preserve  them 
from  anarchy,  so  ordered,  that  in  the  midst  of  one  of 
their  most  noisy  debates,  on  the  subject  of  fortification 
and  defence,  when  they  had  nearly  fallen  to  loggerheads 
in  consequence  of  not  being  able  to  convince  each  other, 
the  question  was  happily  settled  by  the  sudden  entrance 
of  a  messenger,  who  informed  them  that  a  hostile  fleet 
had  arrived,  and  was  actually  advancing  up  the  bay ! 


CHAPTEE  DL 


IN  WHICH  THE  TROUBLES  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM  APPEARED  TO  THICKEN — 
SHOWING  THE  BRAVERY,  JN  TIME  OF  PERIL,  OF  A  PEOPLE  WHO  DEFEND 
THEMSELVES  BT  RESOLUTION. 


IKE  P.S  an  assemblage  of  belligerent  cats,  gib- 
bering and  caterwauling,  eying  one  another 
with  hideous  grimaces  and  contortions,  spitting 
in  each  other's  faces,  and  on  the  point  of  a  general  clap- 
per-clawing, are  suddenly  put  to  scampering  rout  and 
confusion  by  the  appearance  of  a  house-dog,  so  was  the 
no  less  vociferous  council  of  New  Amsterdam  amazed,  as- 
tounded, and  totally  dispersed,  by  the  sudden  arrival  of 
the  enemy.  Every  member  waddled  home  as  fast  as  his 
short  legs  could  carry  him,  wheezing  as  he  went  with 
corpulency  and  terror.  Arrived  at  his  castle,  he  barri- 
cadoed  the  street-door,  and  buried  himself  in  the  cider- 
cellar,  without  venturing  to  peep  out,  lest  he  should  have 
his  head  carried  off  by  a  cannon-ball. 

The  sovereign  people  crowded  into  the  market-place, 
herding  together  with  the  instinct  of  sheep,  who  seek 
safety  in  each  other's  company  when  the  shepherd  and 
his  dog  are  absent,  and  the  wolf  is  prowling  round  the 
fold.  Far  from  rinding  relief,  however,  they  only  in- 

486 


THE  HOMEWARD  FLIGHT.  487 

creased  each  other's  terrors.  Each  man  looked  ruefully 
in  his  neighbor's  face,  in  search  of  encouragement,  but 
only  found  in  its  woe-begone  lineaments  a  confirmation  of 
his  own  dismay.  Not  a  word  now  was  to  be  heard  of 
conquering  Great  Britain,  not  a  whisper  about  the  sover- 
eign virtues  of  economy, — while  the  old  women  height- 
ened the  general  gloom  by  clamorously  be  -vailing  their 
fate,  and  calling  for  protection  on  St.  Nicholas  and  Peter 
Stuyvesant. 

Oh,  how  did  they  bewail  the  absence  of  the  lion- 
hearted  Peter !  and  how  did  they  long  for  the  comforting 
presence  of  Antony  Van  Corlear !  Indeed,  a  gloomy  un- 
certainty hung  over  the  fate  of  these  adventurous  heroes. 
Day  after  day  had  elapsed  since  the  alarming  message 
from  the  governor,  without  bringing  any  further  tidings 
of  his  safety.  Many  a  fearful  conjecture  was  hazarded  as 
to  what  had  befallen  him  and  his  loyal  squire.  Had  they 
not  been  devoured  alive  by  the  cannibals  of  Marblehead 
and  Cape  Cod  ? — had  they  not  been  put  to  the  question 
by  the  great  council  of  Amphictyons? — had  they  not 
been  smothered  in  onions  by  the  terrible  men  of  Py- 
quag  ?  In  the  midst  of  this  consternation  and  perplexity, 
when  horror,  like  a  mighty  nightmare,  sat  brooding  upon 
the  little,  fat,  plethoric  city  of  New  Amsterdam,  the  ears 
of  the  multitude  were  suddenly  startled  by  the  distant 
sound  of  a  trumpet :  it  approached,  it  grew  louder  and 
louder,  and  now  it  resounded  at  the  city  gate.  The  pub- 
lic could  not  be  mistaken  in  the  well-known  so  and ;  a 


488  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

sliout  of  joy  burst  from  tlieir  lips,  as  the  gallant  Peter, 
covered  with  dust,  and  followed  by  his  faithful  trum- 
peter, came  galloping  into  the  market-place. 

The  first  transports  of  the  populace  having  subsided, 
they  gathered  round  the  honest  Antony,  as  he  dismount- 
ed, overwhelming  him  with  greetings  and  congratulations. 
In  breathless  accents  he  related  to  them  the  marvellous 
adventures  through  which  the  old  governor  and  himself 
had  gone,  in  making  their  escape  from  the  clutches  of  the 
terrible  Amphictyons.  But  though  the  Stuyvesant  man- 
uscript, with  its  customary  minuteness  where  anything 
touching  the  great  Peter  is  concerned,  is  very  particular 
as  to  the  incidents  of  this  masterly  retreat,  the  state  of 
the  public  affairs  will  not  allow  me  to  indulge  in  a  full 
recital  thereof.  Let  it  suffice  to  say,  that,  while  Peter 
Stuyvesant  was  anxiously  revolving  in  his  mind  how  he 
could  make  good  his  escape  with  honor  and  dignity,  cer- 
tain of  the  ships  sent  out  for  the  conquest  of  the  Manhat- 
toes  touched  at  the  eastern  ports  to  obtain  supplies,  and 
to  call  on  the  grand  council  of  the  league  for  its  promised 
cooperation.  Upon  hearing  of  this,  the  vigilant  Peter,  per- 
ceiving that  a  moment's  delay  were  fatal,  made  a  secret 
and  precipitate  decampment;  though  much  did  it  grieve 
his  lofty  soul  to  be  obliged  to  turn  his  back  even  upon  a 
nation  of  foes.  Many  hair-breadth  'scapes  and  divers 
perilous  mishaps  did  they  sustain,  as  they  scoured,  with- 
out sound  of  trumpet,  through  the  fair  regions  of  the 
east  Already  was  the  country  in  an  uproar  with  hostile 


PARLEY  WITH  THE  BRITISH. 

preparations,  and  they  were  obliged  to  take  a  large  cir- 
cuit in  their  flight,  lurking  along  through  the  woody 
mountains  of  the  Devil's  backbone;  whence  the  valiant 
Peter  sallied  forth  one  day  like  a  lion,  and  put  to  rout  a 
whole  legion  of  squatters,  consisting  of  three  generations 
of  a  prolific  family,  who  were  already  on  their  way  to 
take  possession  of  some  corner  of  the  New  Netherlands. 
Nay,  the  faithful  Antony  had  great  difficulty,  at  sundry 
times,  to  prevent  him,  in  the  excess  of  his  wrath,  from 
descending  down  from  the  mountains,  and  falling,  sword 
in  hand,  upon  certain  of  the  border-towns,  who  were 
marshalling  forth  their  draggle-tailed  militia. 

The  first  movement  of  the  governor,  on  reaching  his 
dwelling,  was  to  mount  the  roof,  whence  he  contemplated 
with  rueful  aspect  the  hostile  squadron.  This  had  al- 
ready come  to  anchor  in  the  bay,  and  consisted  of  two 
stout  frigates,  having  on  board,  as  John  Josselyn,  Gent., 
informs  us,  "three  hundred  valiant  red-coats."  Having 
taken  this  survey,  he  sat  himself  down  and  wrote  an 
epistle  to  the  commander,  demanding  the  reason  of  his 
anchoring  in  the  harbor  without  obtaining  previous  per- 
mission so  to  do.  This  letter  was  couched  in  the  most 
dignified  and  courteous  terms,  though  I  have  it  from  un- 
doubted authority  that  his  teeth  were  clinched,  and  he 
had  a  bitter,  sardonic  grin  upon  his  visage  all  the  while 
he  wrote.  Having  dispatched  his  letter,  the  grim  Peter 
stumped  to  and  fro  about  the  town  with  a  most  war-be- 
tokening countenance,  his  hands  thrust  into  his  breeches- 


490  fflSTOnr  OF  NEW  YORK. 

pockets,  and  whistling  a  Low-Dutch  psalm-tune,  which 
bore  no  small  resemblance  to  the  music  of  a  northeast 
wind,  when  a  storm  is  brewing.  The  very  dogs  as  they 
eyed  him  skulked  away  in  dismay ;  while  all  the  old  and 
ugly  women  of  New  Amsterdam  ran  howling  at  his  heels, 
imploring  him  to  save  them  from  murder,  robbery,  and 
pitiless  ravishment! 

The  reply  of  Colonel  Nicholas,  who  commanded  the 
invaders,  was  couched  in  terms  of  equal  courtesy  with 
the  letter  of  the  governor ;  declaring  the  right  and  tide 
of  his  British  Majesty  to  the  province ;  where  he  affirmed 
the  Dutch  to  be  mere  interlopers ;  and  demanding  that 
the  town,  forts,  etc.,  should  be  forthwith  rendered  into 
his  Majesty's  obedience  and  protection;  promising,  at 
the  same  time,  life,  liberty,  estate,  and  free  trade  to 
every  Dutch  denizen  who  should  readily  submit  to  his 
Majesty's  government. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  read  over  this  friendly  epistle  with 
some  such  harmony  of  aspect  as  we  may  suppose  a 
crusty  farmer  reads  the  loving  letter  of  John  Stiles, 
warning  him  of  an  action  of  ejectment.  He  was  not,  how- 
ever, to  be  taken  by  surprise ;  but,  thrusting  the  sum- 
mons into  his  breeches-pocket,  stalked  three  times  across 
the  room,  took  a  pinch  of  snuff  with  great  vehemence, 
and  then,  loftily  waving  his  hand,  promised  to  send  an 
answer  the  next  morning.  He  now  summoned  a  general 
meeting  of  his  privy  councillors  and  burgomasters,  not  to 
ask  their  advice,  for,  confident  in  his  own  strong  head,  he 


BOLD  BURGOMASTERS.  491 

needed  no  man's  counsel,  but  apparently  to  give  them  a 
piece  of  his  mind  on  their  late  craven  conduct. 

His  orders  being  duly  promulgated,  it  was  a  piteous 
sight  to  behold  the  late  valiant  burgomasters,  who  had 
demolished  the  whole  British  empire  in  their  harangues, 
peeping  ruefully  out  of  their  hiding-places ;  crawling  cau- 
tiously forth ;  dodging  through  narrow  lanes  and  alleys ; 
starting  at  every  little  dog  that  barked ;  mistaking  lamp- 
posts for  British  grenadiers ;  and,  in  the  excess  of  their 
panic,  metamorphosing  pumps  into  formidable  soldiers 
levelling  blunderbusses  at  their  bosoms !  Having,  how- 
ever, in  despite  of  numerous  perils  and  difficulties  of  the 
kind,  arrived  safe,  without  the  loss  of  a  single  man,  at 
the  hall  of  assembly,  they  took  their  seats,  and  awaited 
in  fearful  silence  the  arrival  of  the  governor.  In  a  few 
moments  the  wooden  leg  of  the  intrepid  Peter  was  heard 
in  regular  and  stout-hearted  thumps  upon  the  staircase. 
He  entered  the  chamber,  arrayed  in  full  suit  of  regimen- 
tals, and  carrying  his  trusty  toledo,  not  girded  on  his 
thigh,  but  tucked  under  his  arm.  As  the  governor  never 
equipped  himself  in  this  portentous  manner  unless  some- 
thing of  martial  nature  were  working  within  his  pericra- 
nium, his  council  regarded  him  ruefully,  as  if  they  saw 
fire  and  sword  in  his  iron  countenance,  and  forgot  to 
light  their  pipes  in  breathless  suspense. 

His  first  words  were,  to  rate  his  council  soundly  for 
having  wasted  in  idle  debate  and  party  feud  the  time 
which  should  have  been  devoted  to  putting  the  city  in  a 


492  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

state  of  defence.  He  was  particularly  indignant  at  those 
brawlers  who  had  disgraced  the  councils  of  the  province 
by  empty  bickerings  and  scurrilous  invectives  against  an 
absent  enemy.  He  now  called  upon  them  to  make  good 
their  words  by  deeds,  as  the  enemy  they  had  defied  and 
derided  was  at  the  gate.  Finally,  he  informed  them  of 
the  summons  he  had  received  to  surrender,  but  con- 
cluded by  swearing  to  defend  the  province  as  long  as 
Heaven  was  on  his  side  and  he  had  a  wooden  leg  to 
stand  upon ;  which  warlike  sentence  he  emphasized  by  a 
thwack  with  the  flat  of  his  sword  upon  the  table,  that 
quite  electrified  his  auditors. 

The  privy  councillors,  who  had  long  since  been  brought 
into  as  perfect  discipline  as  were  ever  the  soldiers  of  the 
great  Frederick,  knew  there  was  no  use  in  saying  a  word, 
— so  lighted  their  pipes,  and  smoked  away  in  silence,  like 
fat  and  discreet  councillors.  But  the  burgomasters,  be- 
ing inflated  with  considerable  importance  and  self-suffi- 
ciency, acquired  at  popular  meetings,  were  not  so  easily 
satisfied.  Mustering  up  fresh  spirit,  when  they  found 
there  was  some  chance  of  escaping  from  their  present 
jeopardy  without  the  disagreeable  alternative  of  fighting, 
they  requested  a  copy  of  the  summons  to  surrender,  that 
they  might  show  it  to  a  general  meeting  of  the  people. 

So  insolent  and  mutinous  a  request  would  have  been 
enough  to  have  roused  the  gorge  of  the  tranquil  Van 
Twiller  himself, —  what  then  must  have  been  its  effect 
upon  the  great  Stuyvesant,  who  was  not  only  a  Dutch- 


THE  PUBLIC  MEETING.  493 

man,  a  governor,  and  a  valiant  wooden-legged  soldier  to 
boot,  but  withal  a  man  of  the  most  stomachful  and  gun- 
powdor  disposition  ?  He  burst  forth  into  a  blaze  of  in- 
dignation,— swore  not  a  mother's  son  of  them  should  see 
a  syllable  of  it, — that  as  to  their  advice  or  concurrence, 
he  did  not  care  a  whiff  of  tobacco  for  either, — that  they 
might  go  home,  and  go  to  bed  like  old  women ;  for  he 
was  determined  to  defend  the  colony  himself,  without 
the  assistance  of  them  or  their  adherents !  So  saying  he 
tucked  his  sword  under  his  arm,  cocked  his  hat  upon  his 
head,  and  girding  up  his  loins,  stumped  indignantly  out 
of  the  council-chamber,  everybody  making  room  for  him 
as  he  passed. 

No  sooner  was  he  gone  than  the  busy  burgomasters 
called  a  public  meeting  in  front  of  the  Stadthouse,  where 
they  appointed  as  chairman  one  Dofue  Hoerback,  former- 
ly a  meddlesome  member  of  the  cabinet  during  the  reign 
of  William  the  Testy,  but  kicked  out  of  office  by  Peter 
Stuyvesant  on  taking  the  reins  of  government.  He  was, 
withal,  a  mighty  gingerbread  baker  in  the  land,  and  rev- 
erenced by  the  populace  as  a  man  of  dark  knowledge, 
seeing  that  he  was  the  first  to  imprint  New- Year  cakes 
with  the  mysterious  hieroglyphics  of  the  Cock  and 
.Breeches,  and  such  like  magical  devices. 

This  burgomaster,  who  still  chewed  the  cud  of  ill-will 
against  Peter  Stuyvesant,  addressed  the  multitude  in 
what  is  called  a  patriotic  speech,  informing  them  of  the 
courteous  summons  which  the  governor  had  received,  to 


494  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

surrender,  of  his  refusal  to  comply  therewith,  and  of  his 
denying  the  public  even  a  sight  of  the  summons,  which 
doubtless  contained  conditions  highly  to  the  honor  and 
advantage  of  the  province. 

He  then  proceeded  to  speak  of  his  Excellency  in  high- 
sounding  terms  of  vituperation,  suited  to  the  dignity  of 
his  station ;  comparing  him  to  Nero,  Caligula,  and  other 
flagrant  great  men  of  yore ;  assuring  the  people  that  the 
history  of  the  world  did  not  contain  a  despotic  outrage 
equal  to  the  present.  That  it  would  be  recorded  in  let- 
ters of  fire,  on  the  blood-stained  tablet  of  history  !  That 
ages  would  roll  back  with  sudden  horror  when  they  came 

9 

to  view  it!  That  the  womb  of  time  (by  the  way,  your 
orators  and  writers  take  strange  liberties  with  the  womb 
of  time,  though  some  would  fain  have  us  believe  that 
time  is  an  old  gentleman) — that  the  womb  of  time,  preg- 
nant as  it  was  with  direful  horrors,  would  never  produce 
a  parallel  enormity ! — with  a  variety  of  other  heart-rend- 
ing, soul-stirring  tropes  and  figures,  which  I  cannot 
enumerate ;  neither,  indeed,  need  I,  for  they  were  of  the 
kind  which  even  to  the  present  day  form  the  style  of 
popular  harangues  and  patriotic  orations,  and  may  be 
classed  in  rhetoric  under  the  general  title  of  RIGMAKOLE. 

The  result  of  this  speech  of  the  inspired  burgomaster, 
was  a  memorial  addressed  to  the  governor,  remonstrating 
in  good  round  terms  on  his  conduct.  It  was  proposed 
that  Dofue  Roerback  himself  should  be  the  bearer  of 
this  memorial ;  but  this  he  warily  declined,  having  no  in- 


THE  FUTILE  MEMORIAL.  495 

clination  of  coming  again  within  kicking  distance  of  his 
Excellency.  Who  did  deliver  it  has  never  been  named  in 
history,  in  which  neglect  he  has  suffered  grievous  wrong ; 
seeing  that  he  was  equally  worthy  of  blazon  with  him 
perpetuated  in  Scottish  song  and  story  by  the  surname 
of  Bell-the-cat.  All  we  know  of  the  fate  of  this  memo- 
rial is,  that  it  was  used  by  the  grim  Peter  to  light  his 
pipe  ;  which,  from  the  vehemence  with  which  he  smoked 
it,  was  evidently  anything  but  a  pipe  of  peace. 


CHAPTEE  X. 


CONTAINING  A  DOLEFUL  DISASTER  OF  ANTONY  THE  TRUMPETER— AND  HOW 
PETEK  STUYVESANT,  LIKE  A  SECOND  CROMWELL,  SUDDENLY  DISSOLVED  A 
RUMP  PARLIAMENT. 


jjOW  did  the  high-minded  Pieter  de  Groodt  show- 
er down  a  pannier-load  of  maledictions  upon 
his  burgomasters  for  a  set  of  self-willed,  obsti- 
nate, factious  varlets,  who  would  neither  be  convinced 
nor  persuaded.  Nor  did  he  omit  to  bestow  some  left- 
handed  compliments  upon  the  sovereign  people,  as  a 
herd  of  poltroons,  who  had  no  relish  for  the  glorious 
hardships  and  illustrious  misadventures  of  battle,  but 
would  rather  stay  at  home,  and  eat  and  sleep  in  ignoble 
ease,  than  fight  in  a  ditch  for  immortality  and  a  broken 
head. 

Resolutely  bent,  however,  upon  defending  his  beloved 
city,  in  despite  even  of  itself,  he  called  unto  him  his 
trusty  Van  Corlear,  who  was  his  right-hand  man  in  all 
times  of  emergency.  Him  did  he  adjure  to  take  his  war- 
denouncing  trumpet,  and  mounting  his  horse,  to  beat  up 
the  country  night  and  day, — sounding  the  alarm  along 
the  pastoral  borders  of  the  Bronx, — startling  the  wild 
solitudes  of  Crotou, — arousing  the  rugged  yeomanry  of 

496 


SPTT  DEN  DUTVEL.  497 

'Weelid ''Xi.  Q,D 'A  Hoboken, — the  mighty  men  of  battle  of 
Tappan  Br,y,-  -and  the  brave  boys  of  Tarry-Town,  Petti- 
coat-Lane, and  Sleepy-Hollow; — charging  them  one  and 
all  to  sling  their  powder-horns,  shoulder  their  fowling- 
pieces,  and  march  merrily  down  to  the  Manhattoes. 

Now  there  was  nothing  in  all  the  world,  the  divine  sex 
excepted,  that  Antony  Yan  Corlear  loved  better  than  er- 
rands of  this  kind.  So  just  stopping  to  take  a  lusty  din- 
ner, and  bracing  to  his  side  his  junk-bottle,  well  charged 
with  heart-inspiring  Hollands,  he  issued  jollily  from  the 
city  gate,  which  looked  out  upon  what  is  at  present 
called  Broadway,  sounding  a  farewell  strain,  that  rung 
in  sprightly  echoes  through  the  winding  streets  of  New 
Amsterdam.  Alas!  never  more  were  they  to  be  glad- 
dened by  the  melody  of  their  favorite  trumpeter ! 

It  was  a  dark  and  stormy  night  when  the  good  Antony 
arrived  at  the  creek  (sagely  denominated  Haerlem  river) 
which  separates  the  island  of  Manna-hata  from  the  main- 
land. The  wind  was  high,  the  elements  were  in  an  up- 
roar, and  no  Charon  could  be  found  to  ferry  the  adven- 
turous sounder  of  brass  across  the  water.  For  a  short 
time  he  vapored  like  an  impatient  ghost  upon  the  brink, 
and  then  bethinking  himself  of  the  urgency  of  his  errand, 
took  a  hearty  embrace  of  his  stone  bottle,  swore  most 
valorously  that  he  would  swim  across  in  spite  of  the 
devil !  (Spyt  den  Duyvel !)  and  daringly  plunged  into  the 
stream.  Luckless  Antony !  Scarce  had  he  buffeted  half- 
way over,  when  he  was  observed  to  struggle  violently,  as 
32 


HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

if  battling  with  the  spirit  of  the  waters, —  instinctively 
he  put  his  trumpet  to  his  mouth,  and  giving  a  vehement 
blast — sank  forever  to  the  bottom  ! 

The  clangor  of  his  trumpet,  like  that  of  the  ivory  horn 
of  the  renowned  Paladin  Orlando,  when  expiring  in  the 
glorious  field  of  Roncesvalles,  rang  far  and  wide  through 
the  country,  alarming  the  neighbors  round,  who  hurried 
in  amazement  to  the  spot.  Here  an  old  Dutch  burgher, 
famed  for  his  veracity,  and  who  had  been  a  witness  of 
the  fact,  related  to  them  the  melancholy  affair  ;  with  the 
fearful  addition  (to  which  I  am  slow  in  giving  belief) 
that  he  saw  the  duyvel,  in  the  shape  of  a  huge  moss- 
bonker,  seize  the  sturdy  Antony  by  the  leg,  and  drag  him 
beneath  the  waves.  Certain  it  is,  the  place,  with  the  ad- 
joining promontory,  which  projects  into  the  Hudson,  has 
been  called  Spyt  den  Duyvd  ever  since  ;  the  ghost  of  the 
unfortunate  Antony  still  haunts  the  surrounding  soli- 
tudes, and  his  trumpet  has  often  been  heard  by  the  neigh- 
bors, of  a  stormy  night,  mingling  with  the  howling  of  the 
blast.  Nobody  ever  attempts  to  swim  across  the  creek 
after  dark ;  on  the  contrary,  a  bridge  has  been  built  to 
guard  against  such  melancholy  accidents  in  future  ;  and 
as  to  the  moss-bonkers,  they  are  held  in  such  abhor- 
rence, that  no  true  Dutchman  will  admit  them  to  his 
table,  who  loves  good  fish  and  hates  the  devil. 

Such  was  the  end  of  Antony  Yan  Corlear, — a  man  de- 
serving of  a  better  fate.  He  lived  roundly  and  soundly, 
like  a  true  and  jolly  bachelor,  until  the  day  of  his  death ; 


PETER'S  TROUBLES.  499 

but  though  he  was  never  married,  yet  did  he  leave  be- 
hind some  two  or  three  dozen  children,  in  different  parts 
of  the  country, — fine,  chubby,  brawling,  flatulent  little 
urchins ;  from  whom,  if  legends  speak  true,  (and  they  are 
not  apt  to  lie,)  did  descend  the  innumerable  race  of  edi- 
tors, who  people  and  defend  this  country,  and  who  are 
bountifully  paid  by  the  people  for  keeping  up  a  constant 
alarm — and  making  them  miserable.  It  is  hinted,  too, 
that  in  his  various  expeditions  into  the  East  he  did  much 
towards  promoting  the  population  of  the  country;  in 
proof  of  which  is  adduced  the  notorious  propensity  of 
the  people  of  those  parts  to  sound  their  own  trumpet. 

As  some  way-worn  pilgrim,  when  the  tempest  whistles 
through  his  locks,  and  night  is  gathering  round,  beholds 
his  faithful  dog,  the  companion  and  solace  of  his  journey- 
ing, stretched  lifeless  at  his  feet,  so  did  the  generous- 
hearted  hero  of  the  Manhattoes  contemplate  the  untimely 
end  of  Antony  Van  Corlear.  He  had  been  the  faithful  at- 
tendant of  his  footsteps  ;  he  had  charmed  him  in  many  a 
weary  hour  by  his  honest  gayety  and  the  martial  melody 
of  his  trumpet,  and  had  followed  him  with  unflinching 
loyalty  and  affection  through  many  a  scene  of  direful 
peril  and  mishap.  He  was  gone  forever !  and  that,  too, 
at  a  moment  when  every  mongrel  cur  was  skulking  from 
his  side.  This — Peter  Stuyvesant — was  the  moment  to 
try  thy  fortitude ;  and  this  was  the  moment  when  thou 
didst  indeed  shine  forth  Peter  the  Headstrong  ! 

The  glare  of  day  had  long  dispelled  the  horrors  of  the 


500  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

stormy  night ;  still  all  was  dull  and  gloomy.  The  late 
jovial  Apollo  hid  his  face  behind  lugubrious  clouds, 
peeping  out  now  and  then  for  an  instant,  as  if  anxious, 
yet  fearful,  to  see  what  was  going  on  in  his  favorite  city. 
This  was  the  eventful  morning  when  the  great  Peter  was 
to  give  his  reply  to  the  summons  of  the  invaders.  Al- 
ready was  he  closeted  with  his  privy  council,  sitting  in 
grim  state,  brooding  over  the  fate  of  his  favorite  trum- 
peter, and  anon  boiling  with  indignation  as  the  insolence 
of  his  recreant  burgomasters  flashed  upon  his  mind. — • 
While  in  this  state  of  irritation,  a  courier  arrived  in  all 
haste  from  Winthrop,  the  subtle  governor  of  Connecticut, 
counselling  him,  in  the  most  affectionate  and  disinterest- 
ed manner,  to  surrender  the  province,  and  magnifying  the 
dangers  and  calamities  to  which  a  refusal  would  subject 
him. — What  a  moment  was  this  to  intrude  officious  ad- 
vice upon  a  man  who  never  took  advice  in  his  whole  life ! 
—The  fiery  old  governor  strode  up  and  down  the  cham- 
ber Avith  a  vehemence  that  made  the  bosoms  of  his  coun- 
cillors to  quake  with  awe, — railing  at  his  unlucky  fate, 
that  thus  made  him  the  constant  butt  of  factious  sub- 
jects, and  Jesuitical  advisers. 

Just  at  this  ill-chosen  juncture,  the  officious  burgomas- 
ters, who  had  heard  of  the  arrival  of  mysterious  de- 
spatches, came  marching  in  a  body  into  the  room,  with  a 
legion  of  schepens  and  toad-eaters  at  their  heels,  and 
abruptly  demanded  a  perusal  of  the  letter.  This  was  too 
much  for  the  spleen  of  Peter  Stuyvesant.  He  tore  the 


WINTHROP'S  ADVICE  AND   THE  RESULTS.        501 

letter  in  a  thousand  pieces, — threw  it  in  the  face  of  the 
nearest  burgomaster, — broke  his  pipe  over  the  head  of 
the  next, — hurled  his  spitting-box  at  an  unlucky  sche- 
pen,  who  was  just  retreating  out  at  the  door,  and  finally 
prorogued  the  whole  meeting  sine  die,  by  kicking  them 
down-stairs  with  his  wooden  leg. 

As  soon  as  the  burgomasters  could  recover  from  their 
confusion  and  had  time  to  breathe,  they  called  a  public 
meeting,  where  they  related  at  full  length,  and  with  ap- 
propriate coloring  and  exaggeration,  the  despotic  and 
vindictive  deportment  of  the  governor ;  declaring  that, 
for  their  own  parts,  they  did  not  value  a  straw  the  being 
kicked,  cuffed,  and  mauled  by  the  timber  toe  of  his  Ex- 
cellency, but  that  they  felt  for  the  dignity  of  the  sover- 
eign people,  thus  rudely  insulted  by  the  outrage  com- 
mitted on  the  seat  of  honor  of  their  representatives. 
The  latter  part  of  the  harangue  came  home  at  once  to 
that  delicacy  of  feeling  and  jealous  pride  of  character 
vested  in  all  true  mobs, — who,  though  they  may  bear  in- 
juries without  a  murmur,  yet  are  marvellously  jealous  of 
their  sovereign  dignity ;  and  there  is  no  knowing  to  what 
act  of  resentment  they  might  have  been  provoked,  had 
they  not  been  somewhat  more  afraid  of  their  sturdy  old 
governor  than  they  were  of  St.  Nicholas,  the  English— or 
the  d — 1  himself. 


CHAPTEE   XT. 

HOW   PETER    STUYVESANT    DEFENDED   THE   CITT   OF   NEW  AMSTERDAM    FOR 
SEVERAL  DAYS,    BY  DINT   OF   THE    STRENGTH   OF   HIS   HEAD. 

HEBE  is  something  exceedingly  sublime  and 
melancholy  in  the  spectacle  which  the  present 
crisis  of  our  history  presents.  An  illustrious 
and  venerable  little  city, — the  metropolis  of  a  vast  extent 
of  uninhabited  country, — garrisoned  by  a  doughty  host 
of  orators,  chairmen,  committee-men,  burgomasters,  sche- 
pens,  and  old  women, — governed  by  a  determined  and 
strong-headed  warrior,  and  fortified  by  mud  batteries, 
palisadoes,  and  resolutions, — blockaded  by  sea,  belea- 
guered by  land,  and  threatened  with  direful  desolation 
from  without,  while  its  very  vitals  are  torn  with  internal 
faction  and  commotion!  Never. did  historic  pen  record  a 
page  of  more  complicated  distress,  unless  it  be  the  strife 
that  distracted  the  Israelites,  during  the  siege  of  Jerusa- 
lem,— where  discordant  parties  were  cutting  each  other's 
throats,  at  the  moment  when  the  victorious  legions  of 
Titus  had  toppled  down  their  bulwarks,  and  were  carry- 
ing fire  and  sword  into  the  very  sanctum  sanctorum  of  the 
temple. 

Governor    Stuyvesant    having    triumphantly   put    his 

502 


PETER'S  REPLY.  503 

% 
council  to  the  rout,  and  delivered  himself  from  a 

multitude  of  impertinent  advisers,  dispatched  a  categori- 
cal reply  to  the  commanders  of  the  invading  squadron ; 
wherein  he  asserted  the  right  and  title  of  their  High 
Mightinesses  the  Lords  States  General  to  the  province  of 
New  Netherlands,  and  trusting  in  the  righteousness  of 
his  cause,  set  the  whole  British  nation  at  defiance ! 

My  anxiety  to  extricate  my  readers  and  myself  from 
these  disastrous  scenes  prevents  me  from  giving  the 
whole  of  this  gallant  letter,  which  concluded  in  these 
manly  and  affectionate  terms: — 

"As  touching  the  threats  in  your  conclusion,  we  have 
nothing  to  answer,  only  that  we  fear  nothing  but  what 
God  (who  is  as  just  as  merciful)  shall  lay  upon  us ;  all 
things  being  in  his  gracious  disposal,  and  we  may  as  well 
be  preserved  by  him  with  small  forces  as  by  a  great 
army;  which  makes  us  to  wish  you  all  happiness  and 
prosperity,  and  recommend  you  to  his  protection.  My 
lords,  your  thrice  humble  and  affectionate  servant  and 
friend,  P.  STUYVESAOT." 

Thus  having  thrown  his  gauntlet,  the  brave  Peter  stuck 
a  pair  of  horse-pistols  in  his  belt,  girded  an  immense 
powder-horn  on  his  side, — thrust  his  sound  leg  into  a 
Hessian  boot,  and  clapping  his  fierce  little  war-hat  on  the 
top  of  his  head, — paraded  up  and  down  in  front  of  his 
house,  determined  to  defend  his  beloved  city  to  the  last. 

While  all  these  struggles  and  dissensions  were  prevail- 


504  HISTORY 'OF  NEW  YORK. 

ip 

ing  in  the  unhappy  city  of  New  Amsterdam,  and  while  its 
worthy  but  ill-starred  governor  was  framing  the  above- 
quoted  letter,  the  English  commanders  did  not  remain 
idle.  They  had  agents  secretly  employed  to  foment  the 
fears  and  clamors  of  the  populace ;  and  moreover  circu- 
lated far  and  wide,  through  the  adjacent  country,  a  proc- 
lamation, repeating  the  terms  they  had  already  held  out 
in  their  summons  to  surrender,  at  the  same  time  beguil- 
ing the  simple  Nederlanders  with  the  most  crafty  and 
conciliating  professions.  They  promised  that  every  man 
who  voluntarily  submitted  to  the  authority  of  his  British 
Majesty  should  retain  peaceful  possession  of  his  house, 
his  vrouw,  and  his  cabbage-garden.  That  he  should  be 
suffered  tc  smoke  his  pipe,  speak  Dutch,  wear  as  many 
breeches  as  he  pleased,  and  import  bricks,  tiles,  and 
stone  jugs  from  Holland,  instead  of  manufacturing  them 
on  the  spot.  That  he  should  on  no  account  be  compelled 
to  learn  the  English  language,  nor  eat  codfish  on  Satur- 
days, nor  keep  accounts  in  any  other  way  than  by  casting 
them  up  on  his  fingers,  and  chalking  them  down  upon  the 
crown  of  his  hat ;  as  is  observed  among  the  Dutch  yeo- 
manry at  the  present  day.  That  every  man  should  be 
allowed  quietly  to  inherit  his  father's  hat,  coat,  shoe- 
buckles,  pipe,  and  every  other  personal  appendage  ;  and 
that  no  man  should  be  obliged  to  conform  to  any  im- 
provements, inventions,  or  any  other  modern  innova- 
tions ;  but,  on  the  contrary,  should  be  permitted  to  build 
his  house,  follow  his  trade,  manage  his  farm,  rear  his 


CRAFTY  PROMISES.  505 

hogs,  and  educate  his  children,  precisely  as  his  ancestors 
had  done  before  him  from  time  immemorial.  Finally, 
that  he  should  have  all  the  benefits  of  free  trade,  and 
should  not  be  required  to  acknowledge  any  other  saint  in 
the  calendar  than  St.  Nicholas,  who  should  thenceforward, 
as  before,  be  considered  the  tutelar  saint  of  the  city. 

These  terms,  as  may  be  supposed,  appeared  very  satis- 
factory to  the  people,  who  had  a  great  disposition  to  en- 
joy their  property  unmolested,  and  a  most  singular  aver- 
sion to  engage  in  a  contest,  where  they  could  gain  little 
more  than  honor  and  broken  heads, — the  first  of  which 
they  held  in  philosophic  indifference,  the  latter  in  utter 
detestation.  By  these  insidious  means,  therefore,  did  the 
English  succeed  in  alienating  the  confidence  and  affec- 
tions of  the  populace  from  their  gallant  old  governor, 
whom  they  considered  as  obstinately  bent  upon  running 
them  into  hideous  misadventures  ;  and  did  not  hesitate 
to  speak  their  minds  freely,  and  abuse  him  most  heartily 
— behind  his  back. 

Like  as  a  mighty  grampus  when  assailed  and  buffeted 
by  roaring  waves  and  brawling  surges,  still  keeps  on  an 
undeviating  course,  rising  above  the  boisterous  billows, 
spouting  and  blowing  as  he  emerges, — so  did  the  inflex- 
ible Peter  pursue,  unwavering,  his  determined  career, 
and  rise,  contemptuous,  above  the  clamors  of  the  rabble. 

But  when  the  British  warriors  found  that  he  set  their 
power  at  defiance,  they  dispatched  recruiting  officers  to 
Jamaica,  and  Jericho,  and  Nineveh,  and  Quag,  and  Pat- 


506  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

chog,  and  all  those  towns  on  Long  Island  which  had  been 
subdued  of  yore  by  Stofi'el  Brinkerhoff ;  stirring  up  the 
progeny  of  Preserved  Fish,  and  Determined  Cock,  and 
those  other  New-England  squatters,  to  assail  the  city  of 
New  Amsterdam  by  land,  while  the  hostile  ships  pre- 
pared for  an  assault  by  water. 

The  streets  of  New  Amsterdam  now  presented  a  scene 
of  wild  dismay  and  consternation.  In  vain  did  Peter 
Stuyvesant  order  the  citizens  to  arm  and  assemble  on 
the  Battery.  Blank  terror  reigned  over  the  community. 
The  whole  party  of  Short  Pipes  in  the  course  of  a  single 
night  had  changed  into  arrant  old  women — a  metamor- 
phosis only  to  be  paralleled  by  the  prodigies  recorded  by 
Livy  as  having  happened  at  Rome  at  the  approach  of 
Hannibal,  when  statues  sweated  in  pure  affright,  goats 
were  converted  into  sheep,  and  cocks,  turning  into  hens, 
ran  cackling  about  the  street. 

Thus  baffled  in  all  attempts  to  put  the  city  in  a  state 
of  defence,  blockaded  from  without,  tormented  from 
within,  and  menaced  with  a  Yankee  invasion,  even  the 
stiff-necked  will  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  for  once  gave  way, 
and  in  spite  of  his  mighty  heart,  which  swelled  in  his 
throat  until  it  nearly  choked  him,  he  consented  to  a 
treaty  of  surrender. 

Words  cannot  express  the  transports  of  the  populace, 
on  receiving  this  intelligence ;  had  they  obtained  a  con- 
quest over  their  enemies,  they  could  not  have  indulged 
greater  delight.  The  streets  resounded  with  their  con- 


TEE  UNSIGNED  CAPITULATION.  5Q7 

gratulations,  — they  extolled  their  governor  as  the  father 
and  deliverer  of  his  country, — they  crowded  to  his  house 
to  testify  their  gratitude,  and  were  ten  times  more  noisy 
in  their  plaudits  than  when  he  returned,  with  victory 
perched  upon  his  beaver,  from  the  glorious  capture  of 
Fort  Christina.  But  the  indignant  Peter  shut  his  doors 
and  windows,  and  took  refuge  in  the  innermost  recesses 
of  his  mansion,  that  he  might  not  hear  the  ignoble  rejoic- 
ings of  the  rabble. 

Commissioners  were  now  appointed  on  both  sides,  and 
a  capitulation  was  speedily  arranged ;  all  that  was  want- 
ing to  ratify  it  was  that  it  should  be  signed  by  the  gover- 
nor. When  the  commissioners  waited  upon  him  for  this 
purpose,  they  were  received  with  grim  and  bitter  cour- 
tesy. His  warlike  accoutrements  were  laid  aside, — an  old 
Indian  night-gown  was  wrapped  about  his  rugged  limbs, 
a  red  night-cap  overshadowed  his  frowning  brow,  an 
iron-gray  beard  of  three  days'  growth  gave  additional 
grimness  to  his  visage.  Thrice  did  he  seize  a  worn-out 
stump  of  a  pen,  and  essay  to  sign  the  loathsome  paper, — 
thrice  did  he  clinch  his  teeth,  and  make  a  horrible  coun- 
tenance, as  though  a  dose  of  rhubarb,  senna,  and  ipeca- 
cuanha had  been  offered  to  his  lips ;  at  length,  dashing 
it  from  him,  he  seized  his  brass-hilted  sword,  and  jerking 
it  from  the  scabbard,  swore  by  St.  Nicholas,  to  sooner 
die  than  yield  to  any  power  under  heaven.  . 

For  two  whole  days  did  he  persist  in  this  magnani- 
mous resolution,  during  which  his  house  was  besieged 


508  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

by  the  rabble,  and  menaces  and  clamorous  revilings  ex- 
hausted to  no  purpose.  And  now  another  course  was 
adopted  to  soothe,  if  possible,  his  mighty  ire.  A  pro- 
cession was  formed  by  the  burgomasters  and  schepens, 
followed  by  the  populace,  to  bear  the  capitulation  in 
state  to  the  governor's  dwelling.  They  found  the  castle 
strongly  barricadoed,  and  the  old  hero  in  full  regimen- 
tals, with  his  cocked  hat  on  his  head,  posted  witn  a  blun- 
derbuss at  the  garret- window. 

There  was  something  in  this  formidable  position  that 
struck  even  the  ignoble  vulgar  with  awe  and  admiration. 
The  brawling  multitude  could  not  but  reflect  with  self- 
abasement  upon  their  own  pusillanimous  conduct,  when 
they  beheld  their  hardy  but  deserted  old  governor,  thus 
faithful  to  his  post,  like  a  forlorn  hope,  and  fully  pre- 
pared to  defend  his  ungrateful  city  to  the  last.  These 
compunctions,  however,  were  soon  overwhelmed  by  the 
recurring  tide  of  public  apprehension.  The  populace 
arranged  themselves  before  the  house,  taking  off  their 
hats  with  most  respectful  humility ;  Burgomaster  Roer- 
back,  who  was  of  that  popular  class  of  orators  described 
by  Sallust  as  being  "talkative  rather  than  eloquent," 
stepped  forth  and  addressed  the  governor  in  a  speech  of 
three  hours'  length,  detailing,  in  the  most  pathetic  terms, 
the  calamitous  situation  of  the  province,  and  urging  him 
in  &  constant  repetition  of  the  same  arguments  and  words 
to  sign  the  capitulation. 

The  mighty  Peter  eyed  him  from  his  garret-window  in 


FORCED   TO  SURRENDER.  509 

grim  silence, — now  and  then  his  eye  would  glance  over 
the  surrounding  rabble,  and  an  indignant  grin,  like  that 
of  an  angry  mastiff,  would  mark  his  iron  visage.  But 
though  a  man  of  most  undaunted  mettle, — though  he  had 
a  heart  as  big  as  an  ox,  and  a  head  that  would  have  set 
adamant  to  scorn, — yet  after  all  he  was  a  mere  mortal. 
Wearied  out  by  these  repeated  oppositions,  and  this  eter- 
nal haranguing,  and  perceiving  that  unless  he  complied, 
the  inhabitants  would  follow  their  own  inclination,  or 
rather  their  fears,  without  waiting  for  his  consent,  or, 
what  was  still  worse,  the  Yankees  would  have  time  to 
pour  in  their  forces  and  claim  a  share  in  the  conquest, 
he  testily  ordered  them  to  hand  up  the  paper.  It  was 
accordingly  hoisted  to  him  on  the  end  of  a  pole ;  and 
having  scrawled  his  name  at  the  bottom  of  it,  he  anathe- 
matized them  all  for  a  set  of  cowardly,  mutinous,  degen- 
erate poltroons,  threw  the  capitulation  at  their  heads, 
slammed  down  the  window,  and  was  heard  stumping 
d'C-wn-stairs  with  vehement  indignation.  The  rabble  in- 
continently took  to  their  heels ;  even  the  burgomasters 
were  not  slow  in  evacuating  the  premises,  fearing  lest  the 
sturdy  Peter  might  issue  from  his  den,  and  greet  them 
with  some  unwelcome  testimonial  of  his  displeasure. 

Within  three  hours  after  the  surrender,  a  legion  of 
British  beof-fed  warriors  poured  into  New  Amsterdam, 
taking  possession  of  the  fort  and  batteries.  And  now 
might  be  heard,  from  all  quarters,  the  sound  of  hammers 
made  by  the  old  Dutch  burghers,  in  nailing  up  their 


510  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

doors  and  windows,  to  protect  their  vrouws  from  these 
fierce  barbarians,  whom  they  contemplated  in  silent  sul- 
lenness  from  the  garret- windows  as  they  paraded  through 
the  streets. 

Thus  did  Colonel  Richard  Nichols,  the  commander  of 
the  British  forces,  enter  into  quiet  possession  of  the 
conquered  realm  as  locum  tenens  for  the  Duke  of  York. 
The  victory  was  attended  with  no  other  outrage  than 
that  of  changing  the  name  of  the  province  and  its  metro- 
polis, which  thenceforth  were  denominated  NEW  YOKK, 
and  so  have  continued  to  be  called  unto  the  present  day. 
The  inhabitants,  according  to  treaty,  were  allowed  to 
maintain  quiet  possession  of  their  property ;  but  so  in- 
veterately  did  they  retain  their  abhorrence  of  the  British 
nation,  that  in  a  private  meeting  of  the  leading  citizens 
it  was  unanimously  determined  never  to  ask  any  of  their 
conquerors  to  dinner. 

NOTE. — Modern  historians  assert  that  when  the  New  Netherlands 
were  thus  overrun  by  the  British,  as  Spain  in  ancient  days  by  the  Sara- 
cens, a  resolute  band  refused  to  bend  the  neck  to  the  invader.  Led  by 
one  Garret  Van  Home,  a  valorous  and  gigantic  Dutchman,  they  crossed 
the  bay  and  buried  themselves  among  the  marshes  and  cabbage-gardens 
of  Communipaw  ;  as  did  Pelayo  and  his  followers  among  the  mountains 
of  Asturias.  Here  their  descendants  have  remained  ever  since,  keeping 
themselves  apart,  like  seed-corn,  to  re-people  the  city  with  the  genuine 
breed  whenever  it  shall  be  effectually  recovered  from  its  intruders.  It  is 
said  the  genuine  descendants  of  the  Nederlanders  who  inhabit  New 
York,  still  look  with  longing  eyes  to  the  green  marshes  of  ancient  Pavo- 
nia,  as  did  the  conquered  Spaniards  of  yore  to  the  stern  mountains  of 
Asturias,  considering  these  the  regions  whence  deliverance  is  to  come. 


CHAPTER  XII 

CONTAINING  THE  DIGNIFIED  RETIREMENT,  AND  MORTAL  SURRENDER  OP  PETBB 
THE  HEADSTRONG. 


HUS,  then,  have  I  concluded  this  great  histori- 
cal enterprise  ;  but  before  I  lay  aside  my  weary 
pen,  there  yet  remains  to  be  performed  one 
pious  duty.  If  among  the  variety  of  readers  who  may 
peruse  this  book,  there  should  haply  be  found  any  of 
those  souls  of  true  nobility,  which  glow  with  celestial 
fire  as  the  history  of  the  generous  and  the  brave,  they 
will  doubtless  be  anxious  to  know  the  fate  of  the  gallant 
Peter  Stuyvesant.  To  gratify  one  such  sterling  heart  of 
gold  I  would  go  more  lengths  than  to  instruct  the  cold- 
blooded curiosity  of  a  whole  fraternity  of  philosophers. 

No  sooner  had  that  high-mettled  cavalier  signed  the 
articles  of  capitulation,  than,  determined  not  to  witness 
the  humiliation  of  his  favorite  city,  he  turned  his  back 
on  its  wralls  and  made  a  growling  retreat  to  his  bouwery, 
or  country-seat,  which  was  situated  about  two  miles  off ; 
where  he  passed  the  remainder  of  his  days  in  patriarchal 
retirement.  There  he  enjoyed  that  tranquillity  of  mind 
which  he  had  never  known  amid  the  distracting  cares  of 
government ;  and  tasted  the  sweets  of  absolute  and  un- 

511 


512  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

controlled  authority,  which  his  factious  subjects  had  so 
often  dashed  with  the  bitterness  of  opposition. 

No  persuasions  could  ever  induce  him  to  revisit  the 
city;  on  the  contrary,  he  would  always  have  his  great 
arm-chair  placed  with  its  back  to  the  windows  which, 
looked  in  that  direction,  until  a  thick  grove  of  trees 
planted  by  his  own  hand  grew  up  and  formed  a  screen 
that  effectually  excluded  it  from  the  prospect.  He  railed 
continually  at  the  degenerate  innovations  and  improve- 
ments introduced  by  the  conquerors ;  forbade  a  word  of 
their  detested  language  to  be  spoken  in  his  family, — a 
prohibition  readily  obeyed,  since  none  of  the  household 
could  speak  anything  but  Dutch, — and  even  ordered  a 
fine  avenue  to  be  cut  down  in  front  of  his  house  because 
it  consisted  of  English  cherry-trees. 

The  same  incessant  vigilance,  which  blazed  forth  when 
he  had  a  vast  province  under  his  care,  now  showed  itself 
with  equal  vigor,  though  in  narrower  limits.  He  pa- 
trolled with  unceasing  watchfulness  the  boundaries  of 
his  little  territory;  repelled  every  encroachment  with 
intrepid  promptness ;  punished  every  vagrant  depreda- 
tion upon  his  orchard  or  his  farm-yard  with  inflexible 
severity;  and  conducted  every  stray  hog  or  cow  in  tri- 
umph to  the  pound.  But  to  the  indigent  neighbor,  the 
friendless  stranger,  or  the  weary  wanderer,  his  spacious 
doors  were  ever  open,  and  his  capacious  fireplace,  that 
emblem  of  his  own  warm  and  generous  heart,  had  al- 
ways a  corner  to  receive  and  cherish  them.  There  was 


THE  EX-GOVERNOR.  513 

an  exception  to  this,  I  must  confess,  in  case  the  ill- 
starred  applicant  were  an  Englishman  or  a  Yankee ;  to 
whom,  though  he  might  extend  the  hand  of  assistance, 
he  could  never  be  brought  to  yield  the  rites  of  hospital- 
ity. Nay,  if  peradventure  some  straggling  merchant  of 
the  East  should  stop  at  his  door,  with  his  cart-load  of 
tin  ware  or  wooden  bowls,  the  fiery  Peter  would  issue 
forth  like  a  giant  from  his  castle,  and  make  such  a  fu- 
rious clattering  among  his  pots  and  kettles,  that  the 
vender  of  "notions"  was  fain  to  betake  himself  to  in- 
stant flight. 

His  suit  of  regimentals,  worn  threadbare  by  the  brush, 
were  carefully  hung  up  in  the  state  bed-chamber,  and 
regularly  aired  the  first  fair  day  of  every  month ;  and  his 
cocked  hat  and  trusty  sword  were  suspended  in  grim  re- 
pose over  the  parlor  mantelpiece,  forming  supporters  to 
a  full-length  portrait  of  the  renowned  Admiral  Van 
Tromp.  In  his  domestic  empire  he  maintained  strict 
discipline  and  a  well-organized  despotic  government; 
but  though  his  own  will  was  the  supreme  law,  yet  the 
good  of  his  subjects  was  his  constant  object.  He 
watched  over,  not  merely  their  immediate  comforts,  but 
their  morals,  and  their  ultimate  welfare;  for  he  gave 
them  abundance  of  excellent  admonition,  nor  could  any 
of  them  complain,  that,  when  occasion  required,  he  was 
by  any  means  niggardly  in  bestowing  wholesome  cor- 
rection. 

The  good  old  Dutch  festivals,  those  periodical  demon- 
33 


514  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

strations  of  an  overflowing  heart  and  a  thankful  spirit, 
which  are  falling  into  sad  disuse  among  my  fellow-citi- 
zens, were  faithfully  observed  in  the  mansion  of  Gover- 
nor Stuyvesant.  New-Year  was  truly  a  day  of  open- 
handed  liberality,  of  jocund  revelry,  and  warm-hearted 
congratulation,  when  the  bosom  swelled  with  genial 
good-fellowship,  and  the  plenteous  table  was  attended 
with  an  unceremonious  freedom,  and  honest  broad- 
mouthed  merriment,  unknown  in  these  days  of  degener- 
acy and  refinement.  Paas  and  Pinxter  were  scrupulous- 
ly observed  throughout  his  dominions ;  nor  was  the  day 
of  St.  Nicholas  suffered  to  pass  by,  without  making  pres- 
ents, hanging  the  stocking  in  the  chimney,  and  comply- 
ing with  all  its  other  ceremonies. 

Once  a  year,  on  the  first  day  of  April,  he  used  to  array 
himself  in  full  regimentals,  being  the  anniversary  of  his 
triumphal  entry  into  New  Amsterdam,  after  the  conquest 
of  New  Sweden.  This  was  always  a  kind  of  saturnalia 
among  the  domestics,  when  they  considered  themselves 
at  liberty,  in  some  measure,  to  say  and  do  what  they 
pleased;  for  on  this  day  their  master  was  always  ob- 
served to  unbend,  and  become  exceeding  pleasant  and 
jocose,  sending  the  old  gray-headed  negroes  on  April- 
fool's  errands  for  pigeon's  milk ;  not  one  of  whom  but 
allowed  himself  to  be  taken  in,  and  humored  his  old  mas- 
ter's jokes,  as  became  a  faithful  and  well-disciplined  de- 
pendant. Thus  did  he  reign,  happily  and  peacefully  on 
his  own  land — injuring  no  man — envying  no  man — mo- 


THE  BX-aOVEBNOR.  515 

lested  by  no  outward  strifes — perplexed  by  no  internal 
commotions; — and  the  mighty  monarchs  of  the  earth, 
who  were  vainly  seeking  to  maintain  peace,  and  promote 
the  w-elfare  of  mankind,  by  war  and  desolation,  would 
have  done  well  to  have  made  a  voyage  to  the  little  island 
of  Manna-hata,  and  learned  a  lesson  in  government  from 
the  domestic  economy  of  Peter  Stuyvesani 

In  process  of  time,  however,  the  old  governor,  like  all 
other  children  of  mortality,  began  to  exhibit  evident 
tokens  of  decay.  Like  an  aged  oak,  which,  though  it 
long  has  braved  the  fury  of  the  elements,  and  still  retains 
its  gigantic  proportions,  begins  to  shake  and  groan  with 
every  blast — so  was  it  with  the  gallant  Peter ;  for  though 
he  still  bore  the  port  and  semblance  of  what  he  was  in 
the  days  of  his  hardihood  and  chivalry,  yet  did  age  and 
infirmity  begin  to  sap  the  vigor  of  his  frame, — but  his 
heart,  that  unconquerable  citadel,  still  triumphed  unsub- 
dued. With  matchless  avidity  would  he  listen  to  every 
article  of  intelligence  concerning  the  battles  between  the 
English  and  Dutch, — still  would  his  pulse  beat  high 
whenever  he  heard  of  the  victories  of  De  Euyter,  and  his 
countenance  lower,  and  his  eyebrows  knit,  when  fortune 
turned  in  favor  of  the  English.  At  length,  as  on  a  certain 
day  he  had  just  smoked  his  fifth  pipe,  and  was  napping 
after  dinner,  in  his  arm-chair,  conquering  the  whole  Brit- 
ish nation  in  his  dreams,  he  was  suddenly  aroused  by  a 
ringing  of  bells,  rattling  of  drums,  and  roaring  of  cannon, 
that  put  all  his  blood  in  a  ferment.  But  when  he  learnt 


516  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

that  these  rejoicings  were  in  honor  of  a  great  victory  ob- 
tained by  the  combined  English  and  French  fleets  over 
the  brave  De  Ruyter,  and  the  younger  Yan  Tromp,  it 
•went  so  much  to  his  heart,  that  he  took  to  his  bed,  and 
in  less  than  three  days  was  brought  to  death's  door,  by 
a  violent  cholera  morbus!  Even  in  this  extremity  he 
still  displayed  the  unconquerable  spirit  of  Peter  the 
Headstrong ;  holding  out  to  the  last  gasp,  with  inflexible 
obstinacy,  against  a  whole  army  of  old  women  who  were 
bent  upon  driving  the  enemy  out  of  his  bowels,  in  the 
true  Dutch  mode  of  defence,  by  inundation. 

While  he  thus  lay,  lingering  on  the  verge  of  dissolu- 
tion, news  was  brought  him  that  the  brave  De  Buyter 
had  made  good  his  retreat,  with  little  loss,  and  meant 
once  more  to  meet  the  enemy  in  battle.  The  closing  eye 
of  the  old  warrior  kindled  with  martial  fire  at  the  words, 
— he  partly  raised  himself  in  bed, — clinched  his  withered 
hand,  as  if  he  felt  within  his  gripe  that  sword  which 
waved  in  triumph  before  the  walls  of  Fort  Christina,  and 
giving  a  grim  smile  of  exultation,  sank  back  upon  his  pil- 
low, and  expired. 

Thus  died  Peter  Stuyvesant, — a  valiant  soldier — a  loyal 
subject — an  upright  governor,  and  an  honest  Dutchman, 
— who  wanted  only  a  few  empires  to  desolate,  to  have 
been  immortalized  as  a  hero ! 

His  funeral  obsequies  were  celebrated  with  the  utmost 
grandeur  and  solemnity.  The  town  was  perfectly  emptied 
of  its  inhabitants,  who  crowded  in  throngs  to  pay  the  last 


THE  EX-GOVERNOR.  517 

sad  honors  to  their  good  old  governor.  All  his  sterling 
qualities  rushed  in  full  tide  upon  their  recollection,  while 
the  memory  of  his  foibles  and  his  faults  had  expired  with 
him.  The  ancient  burghers  contended  who  should  have 
the  privilege  of  bearing  the  pall;  the  populace  strove 
who  should  walk  nearest  to  the  bier ;  and  the  melancholy 
procession  was  closed  by  a  number  of  gray-headed  ne- 
groes, who  had  wintered  and  summered  in  the  household 
of  their  departed  master  for  the  greater  part  of  a  century. 

With  sad  and  gloomy  countenances,  the  multitude 
gathered  round  the  grave.  They  dwelt  with  mournful 
hearts  on  the  sturdy  virtues,  the  signal  services,  and  the 
gallant  exploits  of  the  brave  old  worthy.  They  recalled, 
with  secret  upbraidings,  their  own  factious  oppositions  to 
his  government;  and  many  an  ancient  burgher,  whose 
phlegmatic  features  had  never  been  known  to  relax,  nor 
his  eyes  to  moisten,  was  now  observed  to  puff  a  pensive 
pipe,  and  the  big  drop  to  steal  down  his  cheek,  while  he 
muttered,  with  affectionate  accent,  and  melancholy  shake 
of  the  head — "Well,  den! — Hardkoppig  Peter  ben  gone 
at  last!" 

His  remains  were  deposited  in  the  family  vault,  under 
a  chapel  which  he  had  piously  erected  on  his  estate,  and 
dedicated  to  St.  Nicholas, — and  which  stood  on  the  iden- 
tical spot  at  present  occupied  by  St.  Mark's  church, 
where  his  tombstone  is  still  to  be  seen.  His  estate,  or 
bouwery,  as  it  was  called,  has  ever  continued  in  the  pos- 
session of  his  descendants,  who,  by  the  uniform  integrity 


518  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

of  their  conduct,  and  their  strict  adherence  to  the  cus- 
toms and  manners  that  prevailed  in  the  "good  old  times" 
have  proved  themselves  worthy  of  their  illustrious  ances- 
tor. Many  a  time  and  oft  has  the  farm  been  haunted  at 
night  by  enterprising  money-diggers,  in  quest  of  pots  of 
gold,  said  to  have  been  buried  by  the  old  governor,  though 
I  cannot  learn  that  any  of  them  have  ever  been  enriched 
by  their  researches ;  and  who  is  there,  among  my  native- 
born  fellow-citizens,  that  does  not  remember  when,  in  the 
mischievous  days  of  his  boyhood,  he  conceived  it  a  great 
exploit  to  rob  " Stuyvesant's  orchard"  on  a  holiday  after- 
noon? 

At  this  stronghold  of  the  family  may  still  be  seen  cer- 
tain memorials  of  the  immortal  Peter.  His  full-length 
portrait  frowns  in  martial  terrors  from  the  parlor-wall ; 
his  cocked  hat  and  sword  still  hang  up  in  the  best  bed- 
room; his  brimstone-colored  breeches  were  for  a  long 
while  suspended  in  the  hall,  until  some  years  since  they 
occasioned  a  dispute  between  a  new-married  couple ;  and 
his  silver-mounted  wooden  leg  is  still  treasured  up  in  the 
store-room,  as  an  invaluable  relique. 


CHAPTEE  XHL 

THE  AUTHOR'S  REFLECTIONS  UPON  WHAT  HAS  BEEN  SAID. 

MONG  the  numerous  events,  which  are  each  in 
their  turn  the  most  direful  and  melancholy  of 
all  possible  occurrences,  in  your  interesting  and 
authentic  history,  there  is  none  that  occasions  such  deep 
and  heart-rending  grief  as  the  decline  and  fall  of  your 
renowned  and  mighty  empires.  Where  is  the  reader  who 
can  contemplate  without  emotion  the  disastrous  events 
by  which  the  great  dynasties  of  the  world  have  been  ex- 
tinguished? While  wandering,  in  imagination,  among 
the  gigantic  ruins  of  states  and  empires,  and  marking  the 
tremendous  convulsions  that  wrought  their  overthrow, 
the  bosom  of  the  melancholy  inquirer  swells  with  sympa- 
thy commensurate  to  the  surrounding  desolation.  King- 
doms, principalities,  and  powers,  have  each  had  their 
rise,  their  progress,  and  their  downfall, — each  in  its  turn 
has  swayed  a  potent  sceptre, — each  has  returned  to  its 
primeval  nothingness.  And  thus  did  it  fare  with  the  em- 
pire of  their  High  Mightinesses,  at  the  Manhattoes,  under 
the  peaceful  reign  of  Walter  the  Doubter,  the  fretful 
reign  of  William  the  Testy,  and  the  chivalric  reign  of 

Peter  the  Headstrong, 

619 


520  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK 

Its  history  is  fruitful  of  instruction,  and  worthy  of 
being  pondered  over  attentively,  for  it  is  by  thus  raking 
among  the  ashes  of  departed  greatness,  that  the  sparks 
of  true  knowledge  are  to  be  found,  and  the  lamp  of  wis- 
dom illuminated.  Let  then  the  reign  of  "Walter  the 
Doubter  warn  against  yielding  to  that  sleek,  contented 
security,  and  that  overweening  fondness  for  comfort  and 
repose,  which  are  produced  by  a  state  of  prosperity  and 
peace.  These  tend  to  unnerve  a  nation ;  to  destroy  its 
pride  of  character ;  to  render  it  patient  of  insult ;  deaf  to 
the  calls  of  honor  and  of  justice  ;  and  cause  it  to  cling  to 
peace,  like  the  sluggard  to  his  pillow,  at  the  expense  of 
every  valuable  duty  and  consideration.  Such  supineness 
insures  the  very  evil  from  which  it  shrinks.  One  right 
yielded  up  produces  the  usurpation  of  a  second ;  one  en- 
croachment passively  suffered  makes  way  for  another; 
and  the  nation  which  thus,  through  a  doting  love  of 
peace,  has  sacrificed  honor  and  interest,  will  at  length 
have  to  fight  for  existence. 

Let  the  disastrous  reign  of  "William  the  Testy  serve  as 
a  salutary  warning  against  that  fitful,  feverish  mode  of 
legislation,  which  acts  without  system ;  depends  on  shifts 
and  projects,  and  trusts  to  lucky  contingencies.  Which 
hesitates,  and  wavers,  and  at  length  decides  with  the 
rashness  of  ignorance  and  imbecility.  Which  stoops  *or 
popularity  by  courting  the  prejudices  and  flattering  the 
arrogance,  rather  than  commanding  the  respect  of  the 
rabble.  Which  seeks  safety  in  a  multitude  of  counsel- 


MORAL  REFLECTIONS.  521 

lors,  and  distracts  itself  by  a  variety  of  contradictory 
schemes  and  opinions.  Which  mistakes  procrastination 
for  wariness — hurry  for  decision — parsimony  for  econ- 
omy—  bustle  for  business — and  vaporing  for  valor. 
Which  is  violent  in  council,  sanguine  in  expectation,  pre- 
cipitate in  action,  and  feeble  in  execution.  Which  un- 
dertakes enterprises  without  forethought,  enters  upon 
them  without  preparation,  conducts  them  without  en- 
ergy, and  ends  them  in  confusion  and  defeat. 

Let  the  reign  of  the  good  Stuyvesant  show  the  effects 
of  vigor  and  decision  even  when  destitute  of  cool  judg- 
ment, and  surrounded  by  perplexities.  Let  it  show  how 
frankness,  probity,  and  high-souled  courage  will  com- 
mand respect,  and  secure  honor,  even  where  success  is 
unattainable.  But  at  the  same  time,  let  it  caution  against 
a  too  ready  reliance  on  the  good  faith  of  others,  and  a 
too  honest  confidence  in  the  loving  professions  of  power- 
ful neighbors,  who  are  most  friendly  when  they  most 
mean  to  betray.  Let  it  teach  a  judicious  attention  to  the 
opinions  and  wishes  of  the  many,  who,  in  times  of  peril, 
must  be  soothed  and  led,  or  apprehension  will  overpower 
the  deference  to  authority. 

Let  the  empty  wordiness  of  his  factious  subjects ;  their 
intemperate  harangues  ;  their  violent  "  resolutions ; " 
their  hectorings  against  an  absent  enemy,  and  their  pu- 
sillanimity on  his  approach,  teach  us  to  distrust  and  de- 
spise those  clamorous  patriots  whose  courage  dwells  but 
in  the  tongue.  Let  them  serve  as  a  lesson  to  repress 


522  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

that  insolence  of  speech,  destitute  of  real  force,  which 
too  often  breaks  forth  in  popular  bodies,  and  bespeaks 
the  vanity  rather  than  the  spirit  of  a  nation.  Let  them 
caution  us  against  vaunting  too  much  of  our  own  power 
and  prowess,  and  reviling  a  noble  enemy.  True  gal- 
lantry of  soul  would  always  lead  us  to  treat  a  foe  with 
courtesy  and  proud  punctilio;  a  contrary  conduct  but 
takes  from  the  merit  of  victory,  and  renders  defeat 
doubly  disgraceful. 

But  I  cease  to  dwell  on  the  stores  of  excellent  exam- 
ples to  be  drawn  from  the  ancient  chronicles  of  the  Man- 
hattoes.  He  who  reads  attentively  will  discover  the 
threads  of  gold  which  run  throughout  the  web  of  history, 
and  are  invisible  to  the  dull  eye  of  ignorance.  But,  be- 
fore I  conclude,  let  me  point  out  a  solemn  warning,  fur- 
nished in  the  subtle  chain  of  events  by  which  the  capture 
of  Fort  Casimir  has  produced  the  present  convulsions  of 
our  globe. 

Attend  then,  gentle  reader,  to  this  plain  deduction, 
which,  if  thou  art  a  king,  an  emperor,  or  other  powerful 
potentate,  I  advise  thee  to  treasure  up  in  thy  heart, — 
though  little  expectation  have  I  that  my  work  shall  fall 
into  such  hands,  for  well  I  know  the  care  of  crafty  minis- 
ters, to  keep  all  grave  and  edifying  books  of  the  kind  out 
of  the  way  of  unhappy  monarchs — lest  peradventure  they 
should  read  them  and  learn  wisdom. 

By  the  treacherous  surprisal  of  Fort  Casimir,  then,  did 
the  crafty  Swedes  enjoy  a  transient  triumph  j  but  drew 


MORAL  REFLECTIONS.  523 

upon  their  heads  the  vengeance  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  who 
wrested  all  New  Sweden  from  their  hands.  By  the  con- 
quest of  New  Sweden,  Peter  Stuyvesant  aroused  the 
claims  of  Lord  Baltimore,  who  appealed  to  the  Cabinet 
of  Great  Britain ;  who  subdued  the  whole  province  of 
New  Netherlands.  By  this  great  achievement  the  whole 
extent  of  North  America,  from  Nova  Scotia  to  the  Flori- 
das,  was  rendered  one  entire  dependency  upon  the  Brit- 
ish crown. — But  mark  the  consequence:  the  hitherto 
scattered  colonies  being  thus  consolidated,  and  having  no 
rival  colonies  to  check  or  keep  them  in  awe,  waxed  great 
and  powerful,  and  finally  becoming  too  strong  for  the 
mother-country,  were  enabled  to  shake  off  its  bonds,  and 
by  a  glorious  revolution  became  an  independent  empire. 
But  the  chain  of  effect  stopped  not  here  :  the  successful 
revolution  in  America  produced  the  sanguinary  revolu- 
tion in  France  ;  which  produced  the  puissant  Bonaparte  ; 
who  produced  the  French  despotism ;  which  has  thrown 
the  whole  world  in  confusion !  Thus  have  these  great 
powers  been  successively  punished  for  their  ill-starred 
conquests  ;  and  thus,  as  I  asserted,  have  all  the  present 
convulsions,  revolutions,  and  disasters  that  overwhelm 
mankind,  originated  in  the  capture  of  the  little  Fort  Casi- 
mir,  as  recorded  in  this  eventful  history. 

And  now,  worthy  reader,  ere  I  take  a  sad  farewell, — 
which,  alas !  must  be  forever, — willingly  would  I  part  in 
cordial  fellowship,  and  bespeak  thy  kind-hearted  remem- 
brance. That  I  have  not  written  a  better  history  of  the 


524:  HISTORY  OF  NEW  TORE. 

days  of  the  patriarchs  is  not  my  fault ;  had  any  other 
person  written  one  as  good,  I  should  not  have  attempted 
it  at  all.  That  many  will  hereafter  spring  up  and  surpass 
me  in  excellence,  I  have  very  little  doubt,  and  still  less 
care  ;  well  knowing  that,  when  the  great  Christovallo  Co- 
lon (who  is  vulgarly  called  Columbus)  had  once  stood 
his  egg  upon  its  end,  every  one  at  table  could  stand  his 
up  a  thousand  times  more  dexterously.  Should  any 
reader  find  matter  of  offence  in  this  history,  I  should 
heartily  grieve,  though  I  would  on  no  account  question 
his  penetration  by  telling  him  he  was  mistaken — his 
good-nature  by  telling  him  he  was  captious — or  his  pure 
conscience  by  telling  him  he  was  startled  at  a  shadow. 
Surely  when  so  ingenious  in  finding  offence  where  none 
was  intended,  it  were  a  thousand  pities  he  should  not  be 
suffered  to  enjoy  the  benefit  of  his  discovery. 

I  have  too  high  an  opinion  of  the  understanding  of  my 
fellow-citizens  to  think  of  yielding  them  instruction,  and 
I  covet  too  much  their  good-will,  to  forfeit  it  by  giving 
them  good  advice.  I  am  none  of  those  cynics  who  de- 
spise the  world,  because  it  despises  them :  on  the  con- 
trary, though  but  low  in  its  regard,  I  look  up  to  it  with 
the  most  perfect  good-nature,  and  my  only  sorrow  is, 
that  it  does  not  prove  itself  more  worthy  of  the  un- 
bounded love  I  bear  it.  If,  however,  in  this  my  historic 
production — the  scanty  fruit  of  a  long  and  laborious  life — • 
I  have  failed  to  gratify  the  dainty  palate  of  the  age,  I  can 
only  lament  my  misfortune — for  it  is  too  late  in  the  sea- 


FAREWELL.  525 

son  for  me  even  to  hope  to  repair  it.  Already  has  with- 
ering age  showered  his  sterile  snows  upon  my  brow ;  in 
a  little  while,  and  this  genial  warmth  which  still  lingers 
around  my  heart,  and  throbs — worthy  reader — throbs 
kindly  towards  thyself,  will  be  chilled  forever.  Haply 
this  frail  compound  of  dust,  which  while  alive  may  have 
given  birth  to  naught  but  unprofitable  weeds,  may  form 
a  humble  sod  of  the  valley,  whence  may  spring  many  a 
sweet  wild  flower,  to  adorn  my  beloved  island  of  Manna- 
hata! 


wS 


